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Out Damned Spot!

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He was shaking. He was actually kind of amazed he’d managed to drive the jeep at all, his knuckles were gripping the wheel so tightly he was starting to lose feeling in his hand. His mind was racing, too many thoughts to sort through, too many thoughts to ignore. He didn't want to think about it, at all, but he couldn't just leave it alone, he had to tell someone, which was why he was headed to the sheriff’s station right now. Stiles knew the Pack had gathered there to discuss the Dread Doctors. Lydia was released a few hours ago so she could join them. God, just yesterday he’d seen her bleeding out on the floor, it had almost killed him, it had honestly felt like dying, seeing her dying. He could have sworn the world dropped from beneath him and he was just frozen mid-air, mid-step, mid-breath.
It was worrying him that the only reprise from the images of Lydia was if he replaced them with the images of Donovan. God, he was never gonna forgot the way Donovan’s’ skull looked concave, after Stiles had smashed it in with a wrench. Those Doctors had done it again, Stiles was pretty sure at least one part of Donovan was a Wendigo; of course the teeth in his hand suggested he clearly wasn't your average Wendigo. Thinking about the hand teeth, Stiles rolled his shoulder, it was killing him, he knew it wasn't his only injury of course but it was stinging from being pressed against the seat.
Stiles knew he had no choice, Donovan was going to kill him, and even though he was a terrible person who threatened his dad, it really didn't make him feel better about the whole murder thing. Not even Donovan deserved to be messed with the way the Doctors had done, and he really didn't deserve to be killed for something that really wasn't his fault, even though Stiles is pretty positive he would have come after him even if he was human.
The station was right around the corner now and Stiles could see Scott’s bike and Malia’s car parked out the front, as well as Deaton’s car and Melissa’s. Now he was freaking out. He had killed someone, it was playing on his brain, he’d never killed anyone before, despite feeling guilty about all the Nogitsune’s victims, he hadn't actually done that and even Void hadn't brutally murdered someone with his bare hands. Oh God! He was more violent than a murderous, psychotic demon! Stiles started breathing heavily and the world tilted slightly while he attempted to park the car, he was pretty sure he was definitely not parked straight but in the grand scheme of things, that probably wasn't such a big deal, his dad probably would prefer he park out of the lines than be a sadistic killer. Oh, he didn't even want to think about the way his dad was gonna look at him after this.
Stiles clenched the wheel again, the blood on his hands making his stomach turn, he hadn't realized until right now just how bloody he was, yeah some of it was his from the injuries but most of it was from what he had done to Donovan. With that thought Stiles jumped from the car and leant against the side of the building, dry-heaving. His bloody hands giving him a constant reminder of what he’d done, he was never gonna get the blood off, physically yeah, it’d run off his fingers with ease, metaphorically though, no metaphorically he was probably gonna be chucking Lady Macbeth’s for the rest of his life and despite how great a writer Shakespeare was, Stiles did not look forward to having to constantly wash his hands so he’d stop picturing Donovan’s blood coating the digits he’d taken to counting systematically, even after all this time.

The station was pretty quiet, Clark was at her desk and didn't even look up when Stiles walked in, which was probably for the best, he knew he looked awful, covered in blood with his eyes drifting in and out. He could see the Pack gathered in his dad’s office and headed toward them, the door was left slightly ajar, allowing him to just walk in. Odd how Void still managed to pop up in his mind at the most odd of times, and to be totally honest Stiles was sick of open doors giving him flashbacks to one of the worst times of his life.
‘Stiles, about time, we were gonna send out a search…’ His dad trailed off looking at his son, the whole Pack was looking at him now.
‘There’s a body at the school.’ He wasn't totally sure why that was the first thing to come out of his mouth, but hey, he was just glad he’d managed to speak at all, he was starting to worry if opening his mouth was gonna cause another dry-heaving spell.
‘What? Stiles what happened? Are you okay? You’re covered in blood.’ Scott said stepping forward.
‘It’s not mine. Well some of it is but mostly it’s, not.’ Stiles answered, still not full registering what was happening, he was pretty certain he was in shock.
‘What? What happened?’ His dad asked confused.
‘The Doctors, did it again. They made another one, the body’s in the library of the school. Dad, it’s Donovan. I think he’s part Wendigo.’ He responded calmly, it was starting to worry the others, the way he was talking, so calmly.
‘Clark! Send a unit to the school, we've got a DB.’ The Sheriff yelled past Stiles, closing the door so no one would hear about the supernatural stuff Stiles was sure they wanted to discuss.
‘He was going to kill me. He was so angry. I thought I was going to die.’ Stiles said suddenly. The Pack was still looking at him worried.
‘Sweetie, come sit down.’ Melissa said leading him to a chair, looking him over while she did.
‘I had to do it. He was going to kill me.’ Stiles said slowly, the shock was starting to wear off and he was shaking again.
‘Do what Stiles?’ Scott asked confused.
‘I had to kill him.’ He responded, his eyes widening, that was the first time he’s said it out loud. ‘Oh, God! I killed him, he was trying to kill me, he had too many teeth, there were teeth in his hands and he bit me, he wasn't in control. He was going to kill me so I grabbed a wrench from the construction in the library. Oh my god, oh my god, oh god! Oh God!’ Stiles rushed out, tears were slipping from his eyes before he even realized, he dropped his head into his bloody hands, then shot back up when he remember them being bloody, he looked at his hands, turning them over a few times before trying to scrub the blood off.
‘Stiles calm down. What, what did you do to Donovan?’ Lydia asked stepping forward from the shocked Pack, kneeling down in front of Stiles grabbing his hands.
‘Oh, god. I, I. I can’t. I. Oh my god.’ Stiles answered shaking his head. Lydia grabbed his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her.
‘Stiles, tell me what you did.’ She said firmly.
‘I, I beat him to death with the wrench.’ Stiles answered, his throat almost chocking him up. Lydia nodded and looked towards the Sheriff, who nodded back at her finally stepping back into action, whispering something he couldn't hear to Parrish who left the room.
‘Stiles, look at me son. It’s going to be okay.’ Stiles looked at his dad, he could see it, the same look he gave him the first time he stepped into his office after being separated from Void. A look that tried so very hard to hide the obvious distrust and fear his father was feeling about his own son.
‘Hey, Stiles it’s okay. Alright? You didn't have a choice, he was going to kill you. You had to.’ Lydia said, turning his head back to her, feeling his breathing speed up.
‘I had no choice, he was going to kill me.’ Stiles spoke back, not fully believing the words he was saying, but Lydia looked at him and nodded anyway, managing to give him a watery smile even though her eyes were sad and quickly filling with tears at the thought of this boy, the one she had feelings she couldn't even label for, having to kill someone to save himself.
‘Stiles. It’s okay. It’s okay.’ Scott said softly, looking at his brother freak out about what had happened, he stepped forward and rested his hand on Stiles shoulder, causing the boy to hiss in pain. Melissa rushed forward pulling his torn shirt aside to see the bite mark on his shoulder. Lydia was still holding his hand while Scott moved around to his other side so he wouldn’t have to see the ugly wound on his best friends back.

Stiles watched as his Pack, his family all moved around trying to comfort him or help the Sheriff fix the fact that there was a body that would need to be moved before school the next morning. He could see it though, half of them, the new members looked at him with sadness and fear but his long term family, they tried to hide it but he saw, he saw the distrust, the fear, the same looks he got when Void was around and right after he was gone. He thought those looks were finally gone from his life but now he’d get them forever, he was a murderer, he wasn't possessed, it was him, his choice, he who valued his own life over Donovan’s, which is what it ultimately came down to, he didn't want to die and he was willing to kill to live. He’d never be the same again, he was a killer now, he didn't belong in Scott’s good guy Pack (maybe this was how the twins felt), he wasn't the sheriff’s innocent son anymore, he was tainted, he was damaged goods and worse, even with all the love of his family surrounding him, telling him he had no choice, even knowing how wrong it was supposed to feel, how bad killing was meant to make him feel, part of him liked it, part of him enjoyed the resurfacing feelings of control that had left him when the Nogitsune did, part of him loved being able to finally do something! Protect himself, fight, kill, win. Part of him wondered if he minded so much that now, if he was ever turned, he’d have blue not gold eyes. Part of him considered that maybe there was a reason he had turned Peter down all those years ago, that maybe, even then, he knew that allowing himself to become a monster was a bad idea because maybe he’d like it too much. Maybe he knew even then that he wouldn’t be like Scott, he wouldn’t be good, he wouldn’t refuse to kill. And yeah he guesses it was a good thing he’d never be anything but human because if he could cause the kind of damage that was reflected in the way Donovan’s skull looked like a deflated basketball without supernatural powers, it was probably best he stayed as weak as possible. Because even human he wasn't weak, he was a monster without the monstrous abilities, and it was probably best for everyone that way, after all he’d always strongly believed that absolute power corrupts absolutely, although now that he thinks about it, maybe absolute power only absolutely corrupts him.

 

-Fin-

Chapter Text

'Stop!' Stiles yelled to the room.
He knew it was going to come to this eventually but part of him had hoped he could forget about the whole incident, of course his entire brain reminded him that would never happen, he'd never forget about it.
The Dread Doctors were a threat they knew they couldn't handle alone so calling in reinforcements was an obvious call, of course the amount of people that showed up was a little surprising. Derek and Braeden had returned, dragging Cora with them, Chris and the Caliveras not far behind. Morell had decided to come out of whatever hole she was hiding in, with, oddly enough, Deucalion joining her. Danny returned quickly with Ethan in tow. Isaac flew back from France, with his, completely unexpected, new best friend Jackson. The last person to show up, was the most reluctant of any of them, Gerard. Fresh out of the nursing home he's been dumped in, with promises of supernatural pain relief in exchange for his help. Valek was also roped into helping them, Lydia was unhappy with that fact, considering he'd been messing with her head for a week while she was locked in Eichen, her concerns were completely valid. Valek also brought his own little helper, one they were all more than concerned about, Peter.
With their little band of misfits they were all geared up to fight the doctors, of course having no idea where they resided cause some slowing of the plan so they began with investigating, which is how they ended up in their current position. They had all gathered in the police station, the Sheriff had a room emptied for the investigation, with all their new friends filling it, as well as Stiles, Lydia, Scott, Kira, Malia, Liam, Mason, Brett, Satomi and her remaining pack, Melissa, the Sheriff, Parrish (who they were watching closely after discovering his unwitting involvement with the missing bodies) and Kira's parents. They started with figuring out the lost of people the Doctors had turned, Lydia, after reading the book, had remembered having a vision of sorts of the Doctors turning Donovan, so now they were all concerned, with his history, about him running around Beacon Hills as a freshly made monster, capable of who knows what.
'What do you mean stop?' Araya asked confused, everyone was now looking at Stiles unsure as to what was happening.
'Donovan's not out there.' Stiles answered, his fist clenching in guilt.
'What? How do you know that? Where is he?' Scott asked confused, Stiles looked away from him, before turning his whole body away from the other people in the room to face the window, he knew he'd never be able to say this looking at them.
'A couple of weeks ago, the night after Tracy died and Lydia was hurt, I was at the school, it was late, there was no one there, the jeep wasn't starting so I was trying to work on it, he came out of nowhere, I didn't even see him until he grabbed me, there were teeth in his hand, I think he was part Wendigo, part Lampyre but I don't really know. He bit me, I fought him off with a wrench and ran into the school but he followed me.' Stiles said, his eyes were getting teary but he blinked them back and sucked in a breath, unconsciously rubbing his shoulder, it still hurt for some reason.
'I was hiding when he came in, he was talking, telling me about his dad, how he was paralysed while on the job and my dad was outside calling backup, he blamed him for it. He said some stuff, trying to bait me but I stayed hidden, I saw him head up the stairs of the library and I tried to move but he was suddenly just there, grabbing me by the throat, pulling me through the shelves, I managed to get away from him and I started climbing the scaffolding. He came after me, informing me that he wasn't gonna kill me, he was just gonna eat my legs. He grabbed me and was pulling me down, I noticed a pin holding up the scaffolding so I reached for it and I barely managed to yank it out, part of the scaffolding crashed down and when I turned around and looked down, Donovan was impaled on a metal spike. I climbed down, he was still alive, I didn't know whether to pull the thing out or push it further in but before I could figure it out he died.' Stiles heard gasps from behind him but didn't turn, afraid of what he'd see.
'I freaked out, called nine one one. I didn't say anything but I knew they'd trace the call, I propped the library door open with a book because you need a card to get in and I knew the deputy on duty wasn't gonna have one then I went outside and started the jeep, I knew I wouldn't get away in time so I reversed it into a dark part of the parking lot and waited, I saw the deputy go in and come out, I turned on my police scanner and heard him say it was a prank call. I didn't understand why he hadn't found the body so I went back in, the body was gone, the mess had been cleaned up, there was no blood, no rubble, like it had never happened. I killed him.' Stiles ended, turning around and looking up at the people of the room. Most were shocked, some were stoic, he couldn't bare to look at Scott or his dad in the eye, nobody was saying anything and he was starting to worry. Would his dad arrest him? No body no crime so probably not. Would Scott hate him? God he hoped not.
Lydia was the first to step forward, he couldn't quite read the expression on her face.
'Show me the bite mark.' Were the only words the said, remaining stoic. Stiles turned and lifted up his shirt, he felt Lydia's hands brush the wound lightly and heard the gasps come from some of the others in the room. She pulled his shirt down, letting him know she was finished then moved to stand in front of him, her hands gripping his wrists tightly.
'I'm glad you killed him. If you hadn't he'd have killed you. It wasn't your fault, you didn't mean to do it.' Lydia said sternly, looking his straight in the eye, Stiles was shocked at her bluntness and a little teary eyed because he didn't really believe her.
'He's still dead.' Stiles answered, guilt overwhelming him.
'And you're not. In my books, that's a win.' She concluded, wrapping her arms around him, squeezing him momentarily before letting go, but still brushing his hand. Stiles looked up to see his dad walking towards him slowly, tears filling his eyes.
'Stiles, I am so sorry. Donovan was mad at me and he went after you, this was my fault. I can't believe you had to go through all of that and keep it to yourself for so long.' Stilinski said quickly, gripping his sons arm tightly.
'Dad this wasn't your fault. And neither was what happened to Donovan's dad, he needed someone to blame, he was angry and vengeful before the Doctors got to him, after they did, it just gave him the means to act out his revenge. It wasn't your fault.' Stiles responded, making sure his dad felt no guilt over something he'd done. His dad nodded once, blinking away tears, cupping his sons face momentarily before stepping back. Stiles looked up to see Scott coming towards him, he didn't want to hear Scott say he hated him, it was one of his worst nightmares.
'Scott-' Stiles started but was cut off with Scott grabbing him and pulling him into a tight hug.
'I am so sorry Stiles. I'm sorry I ever made you feel like you couldn't come to me, tell me. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you.' Scott sobbed out, holding Stiles tighter. Stiles pushed back, out of Scott's grip shaking his head.
'This was not your fault Scott, and it wasn't about admitting it to you, it was about not wanting to admit it to myself. You can't and shouldn't have to protect me all the time, that's not on you, bro.' Stiles said softly.
'You're my brother Stiles. You're my brother and you could have died, without me even knowing, without me being there to make sure at the very least, you weren't alone, and that's not okay. We're family, before all this supernatural crap, before anything we're family. And I need you to know, no matter what it is, even if you don't understand it yourself, or are afraid of it, I want you to talk to me about stuff like this. I never want to find out you were hurt and suffering alone ever again.' Scott said responded, pulling Stiles back into a crushing hug, which Stiles responded to by hugging back just as tightly.