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We Were Infinite

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There was the distinct high pitched shriek of a curse followed by a loud bang. These were the telltale signs of Walburga throwing a fit, and Sirius didn’t need to guess why. Andromeda had committed the ultimate crime against the family, according to Black Family Standards. She had married a Muggleborn, and to top it all off she was pregnant with him as well. 

There was more screaming and crashing noises and Sirius slammed his potions essay down on his desk, standing up and throwing his door open.

 “Oi! Some people have homework to do!” He shouted as Regulus slowly cracked his bedroom door open. “This is fucking ridiculous.” Sirius hissed to his brother, who’s face remained expressionless. Sirius gaped at him “I can’t believe you. You don’t think this ridic-?”

 “Sirius!” His fathers voice boomed through the halls from the study. 

“Fuck.” Sirius swore under his breath. What could they possibly want with him? Just when he thought winter holidays at Grimmuald Place would go by without a hitch. With a sigh of mild annoyance, he strode down the long hall to his father’s study and opened the heavy oak door. 

 The room smelled oddly of sulfur and there was a thin layer of smoke in the air. It only took Sirius a second to realize why as his eyes landed on the family tapestry. Right where the picture of his cousin Andromeda use to be was a large, black, still smoldering burn. 

 “Sirius.” His father’s voice broke him from his slightly stunned thoughts. “Come in. Your mother and I have something important to discuss with you.” 

Sirius swallowed past the lump in his throat. His mother was standing by the tapestry, still breathing heavily and angrily. As he stepped into the room, his father stood from behind his desk. 

 “Have a seat, Sirius.” 

Sirius shook his head. “No thank you, father.” Maybe it was Padfoot’s animal instinct from somewhere inside him, but something didn’t feel right. His eyes quickly darted around the room to note every possible exit.

“Alright.” Said Orion, eyeing his son with only mild disapproval. Walburga had finally turned away from the tapestry to stand beside her husband. Sirius suddenly felt very small. 

 “As you know, your cousin Andromeda has dishonored this family by marrying that muggle-” 

 “He’s not a muggle.” Sirius interrupted. “He’s muggle born. Ted went to Hogwarts.” 

 “Do not interrupt your father, Sirius!” Snapped Walburga.

“Be that as it may,” Orion continued. “We want to be sure that you don’t make the same mistakes.”  Sirius held back the urge to laugh. "And to be frank, Sirius, we don’t trust your judgement.”

Sirius frowned. Were they suggesting…

“An arranged marriage?” He asked, unable to hold back the obvious disgust in his voice. “To who?”

To Bellatrix-”

Bellatrix! But she’s my cousin!” Sirius took a step backward, bile rising in his stomach.

“All the more reason to do it, Sirius! You are the heir! We will not have you sullying the bloodline with mudblood filth!” Walburga spat. 

Sirius shook his head. “No…No, you can’t force me! No-” 

 “You will do as we tell you to, Sirius Black!” Orion raised his voice. Sirius couldn’t believe it. This couldn’t be real.  

 “Are you insane!?” He looked from one parent to the other. “This is fucking crazy, even for you!” 

 “Do not take that tone with us!” Shouted Orion, taking a step closer to Sirius. “You will finish school, you will marry Bellatrix, and you will take your place as the head of this family. You will keep the Black bloodline pure-” 

Suddenly he couldn’t hold it back any longer, Sirius began to laugh. “Oh don’t you worry father! I have no intention on dirtying the precious bloodline! No matter who I marry, that is one thing you certainly don’t have to worry about. It’d be pretty hard to procreate while I’m sucking my boyfriend’s dick after all!” 

Sirius could taste the blood in his mouth before he even had time to register that the back of Orion’s hand, as well as his many large silver rings, collided with his face.

Sirius slowly lifted his hand and touched his bloodied lip in shock.

What did you just say to me, boy?” 

All self control gone, a defiant smirk spread across Sirius’ face and he spat blood onto the floor. "I think you heard me pretty clear, father," He growled, eyes narrowing on the older man in front of him. "I said that I suck my very hot, poor, halfblood boyfriend’s dick. And he fucks me too. And I love every fucking minute of it-”

CRUCIO!”

Searing, white hot pain suddenly spread throughout Sirius’ body and he fell to the floor. After a moment that felt like a year, the pain began to subside and he could see through the agony induced haze that his mother still had her wand pointed at him. 

 Sirius’ eyes flashed to the door, it was barely open, but he could see Regulus’ eyes wide in shock.

Help me. He thought desperately. Don’t just stand there.

 He could hardly think straight. Everything inside of him felt like it was on fire. He had to leave. He had to run. The fireplace was only a few feet away. He could floo out of Grimmulad Place and never look back. It was fight or flight, and he couldn’t use the wand in his pocket outside of school.

He slowly picked himself up, legs wobbling slightly as he tried to catch his balance. Both of his parents were speaking but their voices sounded muffled, all he could hear was his own mind saying run run run, and before he knew it, he was standing in the fireplace with a handful of powder saying “Potter Estate!” And with a flash of warm green light, Grimmuald Place and his parents were gone. 

Sirius stumbled out of the fireplace and into the living room of The Potter Estate. Panic had started to set in and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. What had he done? Why had he said those things? He could have kept his mouth shut, he could have formulated a plan of escape and he wouldn’t be standing, frozen in shock, in the Potter’s living room in the middle of the night.


Fuck! He was standing in the Potter’s living room in the middle of the night! 

“James!” He called out, finding his voice. He took a few deep, shaking breaths. “James!” 

After a moment he heard footsteps and a light flickered on. 

“Sirius? Fuck, Sirius!” In an instant James was standing by his side. “What the hell- What are you…what happened!” 

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times, but no sound came out. He felt James’ hands on his shoulders, hazel eyes full of panic. 

“Hey, Sirius, talk to me…Shit. Mum! Dad!” James eyed him nervously, checking for any signs of harm besides the cut and bruise on his face. “Did your parents do this, Padfoot?”

Sirius nodded.

“Right…" James swallowed, panic turning to anger and concern. "They...They hit you?” 

“Yeah.” Sirius managed, his mind felt blank and full at the same time. Like white noise, loud and overbearing but completely meaningless. Something flickered in James’ eyes, a mix of worry and anxiousness. He lead Sirius to the couch and sat him down.

“Did….did they do anything else?” 

Before Sirius could answer, James’ parents appeared, both wearing their bed clothes and looking flustered.

“James? What’s the matter?” Asked Mrs. Potter before her eyes landed on the other boy sitting on her sofa. “Sirius, dear! What’s happened?” 

“His bloody parents is what’s happened!” James blurted angrily.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Potter.” Sirius said quietly.

“Nonsense, dear. James, why don’t you go fix us some tea. Fleamont, would you mind fetching the first aid potions?”

As her son and husband left the room, Mrs. Potter sat down beside Sirius and took out her wand. Sirius flinched.

“Oh my…” Her eyes widened slightly and she sighed. Carefully she placed a warm hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “I just want to scan you for what’s been done, Sirius…is that alright?” 

Biting his lip, Sirius nodded and allowed her to perform the scan, dreading her reaction. But it never came. At least she didn’t show it. Mr. Potter returned with the first aid kit.

“Thank you. We should write to Dumbledore, Fleamont. And send for Sirius’ things.” She turned back to Sirius as Mr. Potter hurried off. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, Sirius.” She offered, opening a small vial of sweet smelling potion and applying it to the gash on Sirius’ cheek.

Slowly, and without going into too much detail, Sirius explained what had happened in his father’s study. James had returned with the tea.

“An arranged marriage!” He repeated in outrage. “To that nutter cousin of yours! Well of course you refused!” 

“James, could you go and set the guest room for Sirius?”

James looked like he was about to argue, but instead he sighed and grumbled “Yes, mum.” before disappearing down the hall.

Sirius kept his eyes firmly on his lap as Mrs. Potter fussed over his bruises.

“I’m really sorry, Mrs. Potter.” He mumbled again. “I just…I didn’t know where else to-” 

“Don’t be silly, Sirius.” She said sternly. “You know you are always welcome here, do you understand? And You’ll stay as long as you need. You have no need to apologize.” 

Sirius nodded and tried to fight the tightness in his chest and the tingling sensation in his eyes. But as Euphemia Potter pulled him into her arms and held him close to her chest, he couldn’t stop it from happening. He buried his face in her shoulder and cried. 

“It’s alright, love.” Euphemia whispered, hand slowly rubbing circles on Sirius’ back. “You’re alright. You're safe..."

Sirius managed to pull himself together before James returned and with one final hug from Mrs. Potter, he followed him down the hall to the guest room.

“Listen, mate…d’you want me to stay with you?” James asked as they both sat on the bed. “I mean…if you don’t want to be alone, y’know?”

Sirius shrugged. “I’ll be alright I think. Thanks.”

James ran a hand through his messy hair. “Yeah…so…what really happened?”

Sirius pulled his knees up to his chest. “What d’you mean?” 

James rolled his eyes. “I mean, I know you and I know the way you run your mouth off. There’s no way you just politely declined marrying that banshee.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Sirius' split lip. “I may have told them how much I love my halfblood boyfriend’s dick…” the smirk disappeared. “And then my mother used the cruciatus curse on me…” 

James’ eyes widened behind his glasses. “Sirius! You have to tell my mum and dad!” 

“I think they know. Look, it’s fine. I’m fine. It's over-"

“It’s not fine! It’s-”

“James, please…” Sirius looked up at him, pleadingly. “Can we not talk about it?”

James let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine…so….are you going to tell him?” 

“Who?” 

“Moony.” 

Sirius shook his head. “I don’t want him to worry.” 

“Sirius, he’ll be right ticked off if he finds out later on. And he will find out. you know that.”

Sirius nodded “Yeah, I know….Look, I’m tired. I’m going to get some sleep, yeah?” 

“Alright…You sure you’re alright by yourself? Bed's big enough, I can stay with you."

“I'm alright, James." Sirius forced a smile. "I promise. I just need sleep." 

James sighed, clearly not believing him. But he didn't argue. "Well if you need me-"

"I know. Thanks mate. For everything."  

James nodded and left the room with a little hesitation, closing the door as quietly as he could. 

Sirius lay there in bed for a long time, staring into the darkness. Every time he closed his eyes he could see the light from his mother's wand and feel that searing pain coursing through him. He shuddered and pulled the heavy quilt tighter around him, rolling onto his side and curling up. Regulus had stood there...he had stood there and watched his parents do this to him...he had done nothing. 

He buried his face in his pillow and let out a sob. He wanted to die. He wanted to just disappear completely...he wanted Remus. 

He took a deep breath and tried to think of nothing but Remus. The way it felt to kiss him. How warm he always felt. The way he said Sirius' name right before he...

 I'll probably fuck that right up too. He thought miserably as the tears continued to soak the pillow case. 

He heard a click and, as if by reflex, he sat bolt straight up, grabbing his wand from under his pillow.

 "Relax," James' voice came from the darkness. "It's me." 

Sirius let out a shaky breath and lowered his wand. "W-what's up?" He quickly wiped at his eyes. The mattress dipped as James sat down on the edge. 

 "Didn't feel right leaving you." He muttered. 

"I told you I'm fi-"

 "Cut the shit and move over, Padfoot." James sighed, and even though it was dark Sirius knew he was shaking his head at him. Reluctantly he obeyed, making room for James to slide in next to him. They lay in silence for a while, the only sound was Sirius trying to cover his embarrassing case of post-crying sniffles.

 After a few minutes he felt James shift and one of his arms came around Sirius' middle to pull him close. "Come here, idiot." 

Sirius let out a half laugh, half sob as he allowed himself to press his face into his best friend's chest. 

James hugged him tightly, letting him cry all over his Puddlemere United jersey and rubbing his back. "I love you, you bastard. You know that, right?" 

 Sirius nodded, desperately clinging to James now as his shoulders shook violently. James didn't say much else, he just let the other boy cry until eventually his breathing settled and they both fell asleep.