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We Were Infinite

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 Remus jumped, almost falling off the bed as he quickly backed away from Sirius. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and felt like he was going to throw up when he saw the bright red staining his skin. 

Sirius slowly sat up, wincing from the stinging in his neck. "Remus...?"

Remus was violently trembling, his breath coming out in shaky gasps and he was staring at Sirius with wide, horrified eyes. 

 Sirius raised one hand to gingerly touch the place on his neck where Remus had bitten him. It was sore and sticky with blood, but that was the last thing he was worried about. He swallowed thickly, looking up at his panicking boyfriend. "...Remus, I-it's okay.." He said carefully, reaching out to him with his other hand. 

 Remus flinched. "D-don't." He recoiled into himself, shaking his head. "Sirius...I...what have I-?...no..." Both of his hands shot up, tightly gripping his hair as tears stung his eyes. 

 "It's okay, Moony..." Sirius said again, desperate to stop the downward spiral of emotions currently flickering over the other boy's face. "I'm fine-"

 "It's not okay!" Remus snapped. "Shit...I hurt you! I bit you, Sirius! You're bleeding!" He was breathing too fast, hyperventilating almost. Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders.

 "Hey! Stop that, alright? It's not a big deal!  Look, it's not that deep or anything. It was an accident, you just got a little rough-"

 "I couldn't control myself!" Remus shouted in anguish, refusing to look at Sirius. "You don't understand-"

 Sirius frowned, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You think I don't understand what it's like to lose control and hurt someone?" He asked, a little more coldly than he wanted to.  "I nearly got you, James and Snape killed last year because I lost control." He gently cupped the other boy's cheek. "Remus," he forced him to meet his eyes. "You didn't do anything wrong, love. I'm okay, you're okay...it was an accident."

 Remus stared at him, his body still shaking with terrified tremors. "I'm a monster-"

 "You are human." Sirius said firmly, holding Remus' distraught stare with his own steady gaze. 

 "I bit you, Sirius!" 

"With your very human teeth, Remus!" He sighed and scooted closer, pulling Remus into his arms despite the noise of protest he made. He pressed his lips to the top of his head. "It's not like you've gone and bitten me on the full moon and turned me or anything. You got a little too enthusiastic in bed, it could happen to anyone. I could've done the same thing to you..." He smirked and nuzzled Remus' cheek teasingly. "I can, if you want to even the score y'know..."

 "It's not funny, Sirius!" Remus protested, pulling away from him. He couldn't stand to be that close. The smell of Sirius' blood, still fresh on his neck, was so strong. "Something is wrong with me..." He said quietly, wrapping his arms around himself. "It's not just tonight. I've been having trouble controlling these...these urges..." He shuddered. "It's been like this since we got back to school."

 Sirius was silent. His heart ached far more than the mark on his neck as he watched the flood of self loathing wash over Remus. 

 "I should have told you," Remus admit shamefully. "I should have told you I was having these feelings...we could have figured out how to make it stop...or at least how to keep you safe...f-from me." Again Remus' stomach lurched. He licked his lips and gagged as he could still taste Sirius' blood in his mouth. 

 "Hey," Sirius said softly, his hand sliding over to cover Remus' own, thumb gently stroking over his knuckles. "We'll figure this out. I promise." He gave a small smile, but Remus looked away. He sighed. "Why don't you go clean up, alright? You'll feel better. I'll take care of myself. It's not as bad as you think-"

 "It's going to scar." Remus muttered, he looked disgusted with himself as he stood up to head into the bathroom. "Full moon or not...I bit you. Broke skin. It's a magical bite...if anyone sees, they..." He let out another slow, shuddering breath. "They'll know you've been with someone like me." 

 To Remus' surprise, a full grin spread across Sirius' face and he cocked his head defiantly. "You think I care?" Sirius stood as well, wrapping his arms around Remus' neck and pressing their foreheads together. "I love you, Remus. I would never be ashamed of you. Bugger what anyone else thinks. And besides," He brought one of his hands to Remus' chest, tracing over a scar lightly with his finger tips. He smirked. "Scars are pretty fucking badass, aren't they?" 

 Remus laughed softly, eyes downcast and sniffling a little. "You're crazy, you know..."

Sirius nodded. "I do." He pressed a kiss to Remus' lips, not caring that his own blood was still there, dry and sticky. "Go wash up. We'll figure this out, Remus. Whatever it is that's going on with you...we're going to be okay." He held his breath as Remus took a moment to let everything he was saying sink in.

 "Okay." Remus nodded, forcing the faintest of smiles. "I guess I'll...I'll be out in a minute." He muttered, walking towards the bathroom. Sirius waited until the door was closed and he could hear the shower running before he went to the mirror.

 "Shit." He breathed, tilting his head back a bit to examine the mark just below his Adam's apple. It wasn't actively bleeding anymore, having not been very deep, but it would certainly bruise. In fact, he saw once he performed a quick cleansing and disinfecting spell to rid the dried blood, it was already starting to turn purple. Now that he had successfully managed to keep Remus from mentally tearing himself apart, at least for the moment until he could formulate a proper plan, he admit to himself that it was in fact very painful...and scary. But there wasn't a chance in hell he'd let Remus know that.

He rummaged through his trunk for the small first aid kit he normally brought with him to the shack during the full moon and picked out a couple of tiny potion bottles, mentally patting himself on the back for learning as much as he could about healer magic. He sat cross legged on the floor in front of the mirror and began to dab some of the healing potion onto the mark, hissing as his skin burned and slowly stitched itself back together. Remus was right, of course. He could already see a faint, silvery scar beneath the bruise.

He'd have to find a way to hide it. His school uniform would cover it at least, but not his regular v neck t shirts...

He had meant what he said about not caring what people thought, but the real problem was that if people at school saw the mark on him and recognized what it meant, everyone already knew that Remus was his boyfriend...

There goes Remus' secret.

He groaned in frustration. This was his own fault really. He had pushed Remus, knowing that his behavior recently had been a little off. He had taken advantage of Remus' condition yet again, using it to fit his own desires. I am a despicable human being...

Now the question was, what was he going to do about it?

Should he tell James and Peter? He didn't want either of them to worry, yet again, about his and Remus' relationship and the drama they seemed to be unable to avoid. For Merlin's sake, why couldn't he and Remus just be happily in love for a bloody minute without all hell breaking loose?

He sighed and carefully poked at the mark on his throat with his finger. The swelling was going down at least.

Remus' reflection appeared in the mirror behind him, brown curls still damp from the shower and wearing a t shirt and loose sweatpants. Sirius smiled as convincingly as he could, jumping to his feet and turning to face him. "Feeling any better?" He asked, trying to sound as normal as possible and not allow his boyfriend to see just how anxious he was himself.

 Remus gave a little shrug. "A little." He was lying, Sirius could tell. His still-too-yellow eyes were glued to the purple spot on Sirius' neck.

Sirius cleared his throat for his attention. "Hey," He muttered, smirking just a bit. "My eyes are up here, you know."

 Another forced laugh from the taller boy and Sirius sighed. "Let's lie down, yeah? You look like you're going to fall over." He reached out for Remus' hand.

Remus hesitated, biting his lip. "Sirius, maybe...j-just for now...until I figure out what's going on...maybe you should sleep in your own-"

 "Like hell I will." Sirius refused, grabbing the werewolf's hand. "I'm not going to let you 'figure it out', because you're shit at taking care of yourself when it comes to things like this! You can't just mope around feeling bloody sorry for yourself because of this, Remus." He lead him over to the bed they shared, that they would continue to share. "I know you. You'll be up all night driving yourself mad with guilt. The moon is just a few nights away, you need to rest or you'll make yourself sick."

 "But Sirius-"

"No, Remus!" He gently, but firmly, shoved the boy so that he was sitting on the bed. "What happened tonight is between us. As a couple. We are going to handle it together." He sat down next to him. "I love you. And if there's something wrong with you, that makes it my problem as well. So I will not just leave you on your own. I'll sleep as Padfoot if it makes you feel better, but I will never leave your side when you need me. Do you understand?"

By the end of Sirius' little rant, Remus was just gaping at him. He blinked a few times and finally he nodded. "Yes." He said quietly, his eyes dropping to his lap again. "I...you're right. I'm sorry."

Sirius smiled triumphantly. "Good." He scrambled back onto the bed, resting his head on the pillows and extending an arm as an invitation. "Now come here and give us a cuddle, you prat..."

The first real smile fell across Remus' face and he carefully climbed into bed, curling up beside Sirius and resting his head on his chest. Sirius flicked his wand and the curtains swung closed around them. They were both quiet for a while. Sirius' fingers were carding gently through Remus' hair while Remus lazily traced shapes on Sirius' chest and stomach with his own, both trying their best not to let their energies become too anxious again.

 "Sirius," Remus said after a while.

"Yeah?"

 "I..." He sighed. "I don't want James and Peter to know."

Sirius took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I don't either." He kissed the top of Remus' head. "Like I said, this is between us. We are going to get through it together, Moony. I promise."