Chapter 1: Things it yearns to remember
He no longer counted the minutes he had been lying there, in the grass, looking up at the stars. Up in the ark they were just part of the background, of the deep darkness continuously swallowing their broken home, but here, on the ground, there was something mysterious about them, as if they held some kind of secret they were only ready to reveal once the sun had gone to sleep.
It had become so kind of a ritual for him, to lie there and allow himself a moment to remember her, so she was never completely gone. Tonight it was the memory of their last moment together that haunted him...
The 47 broken souls were scattered around the fire, some of them drowning their shock in moonshine and others gazing at the flames, still stuck in the memories of the hell they had just been thru. Bellamy was sitting in the shadow of a tree, holding a cup of untouched moonshine, unable to look at the faces of the people he had just murdered hundreds of innocents for. It was the sound of someone walking past him that made him look up from the ground. It was Clarke, she had left her seat and was now walking toward the dark woods. Automatically, Bellamy got up to follow her, his instinct to protect his partner stronger than his need to grief.
She was standing her back to him, in a little clearing staring up at the sky, her hair dancing with the wind.
Bellamy joined her side and silently stared at her eyes instead of the stars, to him, they were just as beautiful, even with all the pain they held.
-You're going to get cold out here. He whispered.
She hadn't brought her coat and her pale shoulders were naked, reflecting the light of the moon. The chilly wind didn't seem to bother her even thought she had goose bumps all over her skin.
-It feels good. she answered. To feel something. She silently added.
Bellamy felt a twist in his stomach hearing her words, her knew exactly how she felt; being stuck in a state of complete numbness as if your heart had been drained of all its emotion, it felt like death.
He instinctively laced his fingers with hers. She turned her gaze to him and tightened her grip.
-I'm leaving. she said.
Pain. Pain was everywhere, it was spreading all over his heart at the sound of those words but it was also in every syllable than came out of her mouth.
-Listen Clarke, he answered, If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven. Please just wait, you'll see, everything will get better, we'll work thru this... together.
Clarke didn't seem to believe him, hell, he wasn't sure he believed it either he was just desperate to keep her safe here, with him.
-...Seeing their faces everyday is just going to make me remember what I did to get them here. She firmly said.
-What we did! You... you don't have to do this alone!
-I..I bare it so they don't have to.. She whispered.
Then, she looked up at Bellamy, tears raining down her eyes with a look of despair.
-You will take care of them for me won't you Bellamy?
He could no longer listen to her distressing words and did the only thing his heart told him to do.
He seized her cold shoulders and kissed her.
She thought the coldness of the wind was the only thing her numb body would be able to feel but this fire, spreading from his burning skin was enveloping her very nerves as if it was what her body had been longing for all this time.
Their kiss deepened and soon they both sank into the oblivion of their passion.
They lied down on the crispy grass and his every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance brought Clarke's body to life again.
Before they even had the time to realise the meaning of their actions, they were both naked connecting their broken bodies in a tangled mess.
She looked straight into his dark eyes, feeling her world explode as his hand were traveling down her body to finally reach their destination.
Her back curved as he started deepening his touch. She cried out as her body felt emotions she never knew existed.
Bellamy had done all those things with other girls before but never this way, never with this much passion and raw emotion. It never felt so good to hear the sound of pleasure he was causing then it had felt now with Clarke.
They spent the rest of the night there, in the wild forest, exploring each other's body and soul and discovering for the first time what it really meant to make love.
It was early morning when Bellamy woke up, alone. It was then that he remembered what had first seemed like a dream; Clarke soft lips kissing his forehead as she whispered ''May we meet again'', and left.
Chapter 2: A life for another
I don't want to spoil anything so I'm just going to tell you this: Keep reading because that's where the real drama begins! Clarke's POV this time :)
She had been gone for almost 2 years now but she still thought about them everyday, about him.
She was now sitting in the grass behind her small makeshift home she have been living in for the past 6 months, threading a tiny flower crown as she remembered the first months after she left camp Jaha ...
After she finally managed to leave Bellamy after their blissful night of passion, Clarke began walking toward Mount Weather, the place that held her biggest regrets, a place made of the blood of its former inhabitant. They had left this house of horror only what? 2 days ago and there she was, going back, to do for once, what was right.
When she reached her destination, Clarke was back in the state of complete numbness she was in before her night with Bellamy, so when she entered the depths of Mount Weather and saw all the bodies, she didn't stop the mourn. It wasn't right to linger on her own feelings, not in this place where she had become the Reaper herself. She began dragging the bodies out of the bunker and into the open, one by one, with the careful touch of a mother. Once they were all lying side by side in the grass, Clarke grabbed the shovel she had brought with her and began digging. The first grave she made was Maya's ... the lovely girl who had lost her life to the hands of the same people she was trying to help, to Clarke's hands. Clarke, carried Maya's body to her grave, with all the love that had been felt for her and she thread flowers into the girl's hair, like Jasper would have done it.
It took a week for her to finish the graveyard.
She had looked into Mount Weather's register and made sure that the people were buried together, with their family. They at least deserved that.
It took her another week to reach the sea.
When she looked at the vast stretch of water, Clarke wished she could just put all her pain and regrets in a boat, and let it float away but she couldn't, it was her responsibility the bare it, to accept the consequences of her actions.
After a day of walking along the sea shore, Clarke found a small village of the water tribe Lexa had mentioned to her once. She had described them as friendly so Clarke decided to take a chance, and began walking toward the village entrance.
They were indeed friendly people; of course they weren't thrilled to have a person of the sky enter their village, fearing an invasion, but once they saw that Clarke was alone, and learned about her being a healer, they accepted for her to stay with them for a while in exchange of her services.
She ended up staying with them for 2 months.
Clarke was beginning to feel like a real person again, there, among the water people, who knew nothing of the massacre she had mastered, she felt useful; she was helping instead of hurting people. But then, as if her body wanted to remind her the rotten person she was, Clarke got sick. She was using all of the little energy she had left to heal the others. She was getting worse everyday since her body couldn't get back the energy she was spending ; her nightmares were keeping her from getting more then 3 hours of sleep per night, as usual, and she didn't seem to be able to keep any food down anymore.
It had been like this for a week now, and one morning she just couldn't bring her body to get up from her
cot. The tribe chief, who was now her friend, got worried and ordered her second to go get the healer from the neighbour tribe despite Clarke's protestation.
It was nightfall when Clarke woke up at the sound of a voice she knew too well.
-You have to learn to take care of yourself too Clarke. Said Lexa.
Clarke wanted to yell at the traitor sitting on her bed but she just couldn't find the energy to fight anymore.
-What are you doing here? She answered faintly.
-I heard the news of you being sick. Well no, in fact I heard about a healer of the sky people being sick but that could only have been you. I was negotiating a trading pact with a tribe near this one.
-And why did you come to see me? If you are looking for forgiveness, you are wasting your time. Clarke said angrily.
-I am very well aware of that. I came because I was worried about you. You may hate me but I still care about you Clarke. Said Lexa.
-Okay well I am fine, probably just some kind of food poisoning, I will be back on my feet in a few days. You can leave now,
-You really don't know don't you Clarke? said Lexa with a look of confusion.
-Know what? Clarke impatiently asked.
-You are pregnant Clarke. Answered firmly Lexa.
-What?.. ..you're lying .. whispered Clarke in a state of shock.
-Why would I make up such a thing? I wouldn't benefit of such a lie, it sure hurts me to know you have found someone but I am not driven by my emotions you know that....
-SHUT UP. LEAVE. NOW. Yelled Clarke, tears streaming down her face as she realised the truth, it all made sense now. She felt so lost and didn't want to look so weak in front of Lexa.
Lexa got up, looked at Clarke with a very serious look on her face and said: '' Congratulation Clarke. Children are a precious gift here on Earth. Take care of yourself now,'' and left the tent.
Chapter 3: Heaven's door
Clarke's POV again, you learn about her life while she was pregnant and her current situation :)
Just cute fluffy stuff !
It's the soft touch of her daughter, Maia, that brings Clarke back from her reverie. Knowing that Bellamy had a thing for mythology, Clarke had named her daughter Maia-Aurora, in honor of the goddess of spring, since she was born in may, and of course in honor of the Blake sibling's mother, Aurora.
Clarke looks into the soft dark eyes of her daughter, always mesmerized by the odd yet beautiful combination of her deep brown eyes and golden hair.
She knows how unfair it is of her to keep Maia' existence a secret from Bellamy but she just can't bring herself to come back to Camp Jaha, she is finally happy, there, raising her daughter in their little makeshift heaven, hidden deep in the woods. Plus, imagine the shock if she was just to come back, after disappearing for almost two years, with a child! And what? Expecting something from him? She feels guilty at the only thought of it; sure Bellamy has a strong paternal instinct but she had abandoned him to grief by himself with the heavy weight of caring for the other 45 broken teenagers who had escape Mount Weather... no, no.. he has probably moved on.. find someone better, someone who deserves him. But God.. she miss him.
Clarke shakes her head, as too chase away her thoughts, and scoop Maia in her arms, walking back inside her home.
She is quite proud of her small shack: it isn't luxurious at all but it's made of strong wood that protects them from the cold and even has a small window with real glass she had gotten after trading medicinal herbs sometimes ago. It smells of wild sage and is decorated with all kind of flowers that grow in the forest surrounding them, Maia loves flowers.
Clarke goes thru her small cabinet looking for nuts or dried berries for Maia, but it's empty, those freaking mice had struck again. She sighs as she grabs her coat and a blanket, she has no other choice but to go out there to get some food if she wants to feed her daughter tonight. She puts the coat on and wrap Maia in the blanket that she solidly ties in her back. Grabbing her bow, she leaves for the forest.
It's a nice afternoon of April, with the sun warming Clarke's back as she hunch over a bush of wild blackberries; She had seen a few rabbits and squirrels but Maia, who seems to be in a very good mood, keeps scaring them away with her giggles before Clarke even has the time to reach for her bow.
It hadn't always been so stable for her; for example, after Lexa told Clarke about her pregnancy, she refused to truly accept the reality of her situation and left to live in the forest by herself, hunting for survival and sleeping under the stars. It's only after she felled from a tree that her maternal instinct kicked in and made her realise how stupid she had been, she then took shelter in a small village of the River Tribe, where she gave birth a few months after.
After that, she left the village to work as a healer for a nomadic tribe with whom she travelled for 8 months. During that time Clarke learned a lot about trading among the grounders and got a lot of help with Maia, who was treated like a real princess by the women of the group. She decided to settle down after they found this beautiful clearing in the forest which, at the time, was overflowing with wild flowers, ironically, the place is only a 4 hours walk from Camp Jaha.
But today, all that is behind and Clarke has finally reached a state of peace, so while gathering blackberries and looking for medicinal herbs, she starts to sing an old song that her mother used to sing to her back on the ark, in another life. Maia always loves those rare occasions in which her mother sings to her so she starts singing to, well singing in a 11 months old way. Clarke is so absorbed in her song and amused by her daughter's reaction that she never hears the sound of the person walking towards them.
Chapter 4: A glimpse of hope
Bellamy's POV this time, so how is he going to react at seeing Clarke again? And what about that ''little'' secret she has kept from him?
Read to discover:)
Bellamy breathes long breaths, clenching and unclenching his fists to release his anger as he greets the last person he could ever want to see again , at the gates of Camp Jaha. He has to put aside his emotions for a few hours since meeting with Lexa is inevitable if they want to keep peace with the grounders, who were essential trading partners.
They silently walk alongside toward the main tent with a trail of guards in their back.
It's only once they are alone in the tent, the guards ordered to stay outside, that Lexa brakes the silence;
-Nice to see you again, Bellamy of the sky people. She says politly.
-Yeah cut the bullshit Lexa, let's just get done with it. Bellamy answers coldly.
-Always very practical. I admire that of you. she says and then she hesitantly add;
Before, we begin, I would like to ask you a question if you allow me.
-What is it ? ask Bellamy impatiently.
-How is she doing? ask Lexa with worry in her eyes.
-Who? ask Bellamy even tho he knew who she was talking about.
-Clarke of course.
-I don't know. Thought you would know better than me, haven't seen her for almost two years now. Answers Bellamy looking at the ground.
-Oh! reacted Lexa, obviously taken aback by this new information.
So she haven't told you yet... interesting.
-Told me what? Answers a troubled Bellamy.
-Oh, that is not my business to tell. Now let's talk trading.
The negotiations passes like a blur to Bellamy, who is still thinking about what Lexa had said earlier, about this secret Clarke would have been holding from him...
It has been so long since Bellamy hasn't thought about Clarke as someone who is still part of this life, who isn't just a memory.
After that day, he decides to do some research; he has hope again, to see her again seems more real now then ever before.
His first real hint about where she could be come 2 weeks after Lexa's visit:
He's hunting in the forest with 2 others arkers when they come across a group a grounders. It's the first time they encounter nomadic grounders and they are not too sure what to do with them; they don't look like the other tribes they have met, they look like gypsies with their bare foot and beautiful floral face tattoos. After observing them for a few minutes Bellamy decides to take a chance and go talk to an old lady sitting on a rock at the edge of their little makeshift camp. They end up being very friendly and the woman presents herself as Nayatiri, she is the eldest of their tribe.
While the two other arkers starts trading with the other grounders, Bellamy sits with the old lady, fascinated by the old lady's stories.
It's when she arrives at the tale of how her husband had lost his right eye the year before that something catches Bellamy's attention:
-Wait, wait, you said a healer... from my people? asks a bewildered Bellamy
-Yiss yiss, she very nice, beautiful, beautiful girls with hair like the sun. Nayatiri answers in her strange accent.
-What was her name? Asks Bellamy, almost jumping from his sitting position.
-Name was Clar... Clara maybe? My memory not very good these days.
-Clarke! Was her name Clarke?? Asks Bellamy excitedly
-Yiss! That is the name Clarke.. Beautiful name. Also was a nice Maia there, very pleasant, a beauty.... like a primrose....
But Bellamy wasn't listening anymore, his head spinning with questions, hope a feeling he had long forgotten.
-Do you know where she is now? He says, interrupting the old lady in her babbles.
-Oh she gone months ago, wanted to stay in the forest with the flowers and the birds. It is true that this forest is very beautiful, pretty trees.... She begins to whisper to herself.
-What do you mean THIS forest? asks Bellamy, not able to believe what her just heard.
-Yiss this forest, around 3 hours walk from here actually.. She answers pointing toward the East
With that, Bellamt gets up, thanks Nayatiri and grabs his pack. After telling his fellow hunters to go back without him, making them pretty confused., he leaves for the place the old woman had described him. The place where she might be. In three hours he could be holding her in his arms again. All this seems pretty unrealistic right now but Bellamy can't give up, he had tasted hope and it had gotten the hold on him.
It is a very nice day of april and the walk passed quite fast and Bellamy could feel that he was reaching his destination; it's true that this part of the forest is especially beautiful with more kind of flowers that he has ever seen in his short life on earth.
He's lost in his own mind, admiring the cloudless sky when he hears it, hears her:
Even thought he haven't heard her sing more than once before he automatically recognises her soft voice. God he missed this voice.
He starts walking toward the source of it, towards Clarke.
At every step her voice gets clearer and soon he can hear a small laughter accompanying the song he seems to remember from the ark...
Maybe she has found someone to stay with... a stray grounder maybe?
20 feet after, he finally catch a glimpse of gold reflecting the light; A glimpse of her beautiful wavy hair travelling down her back.
She is hunched over a bush, collecting what seems to be wild berries. He know its her but yet something he doesn't recognises catches his eye.
Something attached on her back. No. Not something. Someone.
... A child.
Without realising it, Bellamy walks towards her. Now standing a few feet away from her, unable to say a word until... after catching his breath, he finally manages to say:
Chapter 5: Hope restored from the ashes
This chapter is written from both Clarke's and Bellamy's POV, living their reunification and unraveling their secrets.
SOOOOOO I had to rewrite this chapter since MY INTERNET CRASHED . Seriously... computers are messengers of the devil. Anyway, hope I didn't get lost in my thoughts and got everything alright.
Her heart nearly jumps out of her chest as a voice from behind interrupts her in her song.
She immediately turns around, a hand in her back, protecting Maia, who tries to look up from her mother's shoulders, curious to see what is causing such a reaction.
As soon as she sees him, Clarke's body looses its sync; her brain going too fast, drowning in a pool of mixed emotions, as her feet are stuck in place, as if they were made of rock.
It's only when he makes an attempt to reach for her arm that she gets out of her stoic state and stars running, adrenaline running thru her veins.
She can't see him now, she's not ready...he's not ready... he can't see Maia.. not yet... She keeps repeating his her head.
It's not until it's too late that Clarke realises her mistake; she's leading him to her only hiding spot.
Until now, her shack has been a place of safety where her past could never get to her but now...
those walls she has taken months to build are scattering all at once, right in front of her eyes.
Even with the... child on her back, she runs fast but Bellamy is still able to keep her track, catching a glimpse of her hair as she expertly slides between the branches.
He runs like that, calling her name, for a few minutes until, at one point, she just stops.
She's standing in a little clearing, turned around so she faces him, she has untied the child from her back and is now clutching him/her to her chest as if she was afraid he would take him/her away from her.
Bellamy doesn't try to say anything more or even move a hand, afraid that she would run away again, so he just wait, staring at her...
She has never looked so vulnerable than at this very instant, looking like a rabbit stuck in a trap, unable to free itself.
He had many times imagined their reunification and sure, he expected her to be surprised but never to panic the way she is panicking now, he thought she would have been happy to see him again, as he is happy to see her now, that she would at least given him a hug... and he sure never expected to find her in the company of a toddler...
After several minutes of intense staring and unbearable silence, Maia steps in; looking up at her mom while pointing at Bellamy, she asks: Who?
That automatically gets Bellamy's attention who's gaze in now fixed on the little girl.
-Bellamy... Clarke whispers, more to herself than as an answer to her daughter's question.
-Clarke. He simply respond, his eyes darting back to hers.
-I .. hum... I am sorry I ran away from you.. She answers, uncertain of what to say.
-It's okay... I guess I shouldn't have sneak up on you like I did.. He admits.
-Do you hu... want to come in? I suppose you have a lot of questions. She says, with a defeated look on her face.
Bellamy looks confused for an instance until her spots the little shack at the edge of the clearing.
She waits for his response, half hoping that he would just say no and go back from where he came from but of course, he nods yes.
Collecting her courage she starts leading him toward the entrance of her small house.
When they entered the house she could see the astonished look on Bellamy's face, used to the skin tents they have back at Camp Jaha.
She tells him to take a seat a the small kitchen table and put Maia down, who starts walking around the room looking for some clay sticks to draw with.
Clarke is no nervous that her hands start trembling, spilling water everywhere as she proceeds to boil some water for tea.
He stare at Clarke who's trembling hands she can't hide, unsure if it's the right timing to start asking the million questions burning his lips.
As if she has just read his thoughts, Clarke says with a voice as trembling as her hands:
-You have the right to ask me all the questions you want.. I know you must be very confused right now...
His substantial need for answer being so oppressive now, Bellamy doesn't wait another second to stars his questioning:
-Who is the child? he automatically asks.
Clarke sights, clearly afraid to answer the question, but does anyway;
-Her name's Maia... She.. she's my daughter.
Even though he had expected the answer, after seeing the way Clarke was protecting the little girl, but hearing her say it... it still made his eyes go round and his throat to tighten.
-How old is she? He asks, wondering about how long it took Clarke to get into in another relationship, how long it took for her to move on... to forget him.
-almost 1 year old... actually he birthday is a little less than two weeks from now. She answers, looking at Maia who was drawing on the wooden floor.
Bellamy's jealousy is fast replaced by a sense of confusion... he stars calculating in his head... Impossible, if the child is 1 year old and given that Clarke has been gone for approximately 21 months... it would mean that she had the get pregnant before her departure and....that would make him the...
-I'm sorry Bellamy... I should have told you earlier...but I was.. I was afraid.. She starts babbling, realising he has made the maths.
-I.. I am a father..? Bellamy murmur, his watery eyes staring at the little girl on the ground.
How come he hadn't notice? Her eyes, the same dark shade of chocolate brown as his... those subtle freckles travelling up her cheeks... and her wavy light hair. She's the perfect fusion of both him and Clarke.
His gaze finds its way back to Clarke beautiful blue eyes, now as teary as his own. Holding hands, they both start crying in unison.
Crying away their fears, crying their relief and finally crying their gratitude.. grateful that they had survived the wars, the losses and their pain to finally live this day, where hope for a better future doesn't seem so foolish anymore.
Chapter 6: Back to earth
This is written from Bellamy's POV,
Clarke and him will try to figure out what to do next.
Drying his eyes, Bellamy sits on the floor, next to his... his daughter, he grabs a clay stick and starts drawing with her, afraid to say a word.
Maia looks up from her drawing and, looking at her mother standing above them and asks her question a second time;
At the sound of the word, something twists in Bellamy's heart as he realises; he's a complete stranger to her...
At first he had been completely overwhelmed by the joy of seeing Clarke once again and the idea of being a father, something her never thought he could be down on Earth but now.... the facts are starting to sink in; Maia's almost a year old and she has no idea what a father is.
Clarke has kept his existence hidden from her.... She has kept Maia all to herself.
As a mix of sadness and jealousy is bubbling up in Bellamy throat, Clarke speaks up, answering her daughter's question;
-His name's Bellamy and he's someone real special to mommy.
Someone special... that status would have to do for now, he understands that she can't just tell Maia to start calling him dad... it would be to much to explain... to confusing for a little girl.
Then he realises, how is he ever going to explain that to the others? To Octavia? God she's going to hate Clarke for keeping Maia away from her for so long... Hell nobody even knows that there was something between him and Clarke.
-What are you going to tell the others? He asks Clarke, realising that she is the one who will have to give explanations since she is the only one holding all the cards.
-Nothing. She answers firmly.
Bellamy is clearly shocked by her answer. Nothing? Does she imagine that she can just show up with a daughter without receiving any questions?
Just her return will probably cause a fuss.
-Because I am not coming back to Camp Jaha. She concludes with a face like steel.
-You can't be serious Clarke! Bellamy exclaims
-Bell... I just.. I am good here, I like it, Maia likes it. ...Plus, you said it; what would I tell the others? It's better this way, you're all better off me.
-And what about me? Bellamy asks, rage dwelling inside.
Are you going to brush me away like the others??! You have kept her away from me Clarke! You have never even given me a chance!
-I am sorry okay??! I was lost and afraid! Hell, I still am! I am terrified Bellamy... so terrified. She starts sobbing.
Maybe, you can stay here? With me and Maya? So we can be together again and...She's pleading now.
-And leave them Clarke? He answers, his voice back on a softer tone.
I don't know if you realise this but we, the 100, we're not part of them anymore, your mom or Kane are never going to be considered their leaders... we are. I am the only one they have left, I can't leave them, especially not Octavia...
He is right, he knows it and he can see that Clarke knows it too. She's looking around, looking at her small house, with a tear running down her right eye.
-Okay. She sights.
I will come with you. We. will come with you.
Chapter 7: Where we come back
I'm gonna let go of the POVs , it just restrain my creative flow :) enjoy!
And btw, sorry for the time it took me to get back at this , school keeps me busy.
Bellamy helps her pack her essential items and her collection of potions and medicinal herbs she had collected while she lived among the grounders, making the promess to come back for her furniture and more heavy objects.
It's hard to see her like this; teary eyes and trembling hands. looking out her small window in silence... but it also feels as if this big hole he had lived with for those 2 years had finally been filled and it's the best feeling in the world; it feels like peace.
When it's finally time to go, the sunset only a few hours away, Clarke has a hard time letting go of the door handle... letting go of the present and letting the past come back to her.
But when she look behind her and sees hum... sees Bellamy, with Maia in his arms, waiting for her with that spark back in his eyes, her worries leave her for just enough time to give her the courage to let go of the door and take a step toward the future. Their future.
Bellamy, having raised his little sister, thought he knew about everything about babies but now , after walking 1 hour with Maia on his back he learns that every child is very different , some calm and other... less calm. Maia has been playing with his hair for the whole time; pulling, chewing, and ripping of strands of them.
That turbulent behavior makes Clarke laugh a lot and consequently making Maia laugh too.
This little moment of light laughter seems to make the tension in the air lessen a bit and oh h0w grateful Bellamy is that Maia inherited his rebellious character.