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A short story about things Genos puts in his mouth

Chapter Text

“Sensei, I’m home.”

“Ahh. Welcome back. You got that pork and cabbage from the sale ad?”

“Yes, Sensei, as well as a carton of milk about to expire, day-old curry buns, and on the way home I passed the greengrocer’s just as she was putting out the damaged produce. We should have plenty for tonight and leftovers, so no need to leave the house tomorrow.”

“Nice, Genos! Good going. Cheap is good. Cheap and easy, that’s how I like it.”

“I know, Sensei. It’s a good thing I remembered our new eco-bag; I wound up buying so much it didn’t quite fit in the usual bags. They tried to make me pay for a plastic bag, but I assured them it was no trouble to carry the larger items loose.”

Genos. Dude. How many times do I have to say you don’t have to spend your wages on drinks for me. This electrolyte stuff is a total ripoff, especially the premixed kind. I know this wasn’t on sale, and you bought two bottles? If you’re gonna waste your money on me at least get the powder--oh. This other one’s. I didn’t know this came in liters. Erm. Genos. Do you, uh. Need some privacy?”


“I mean I just figured. Since you’re a cyborg. Stupid of me, stupid assumption, you’re nineteen and I’m being prejudiced against inorganics. Part-organics. Sorry, I’m gonna shut up now. Just, if you need me to, like, clear out for an hour sometimes, I totally can. Put a sock on the door handle or something, I’ll get it. I know it’s technically my place but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?”

“Sensei, I appreciate the offer, but I think you misunderstand. That bottle is for my mouth.”

Dude. Don’t tell me, okay, I don’t need to know what you’re into! Not that it bothers me, to each his own, just, none of my business.”

“It could be.”


“My artificial tongue, Sensei. Natural speech emulation, primarily, though it also assists in my organic fuel intake and respiratory exhaust self-cleaning functions. Since I do not have the ability to produce natural lubrication, I need to buy it.”

“So, your mouth is full of…”

“Currently, KY brand water-based personal lubricant.”

“One-point-five liters of it.”

“A disadvantage of water-based personal lubricants, yes. Oil- and silicone-based lubricants typically last longer, but I have found they interfere with my taste and texture sensors, which negatively affects my ability to cook for you. And, incidentally, my ability to enjoy food, which I find more pleasurable with company.”

“So many things are.”

“...Please forgive my bluntness, but was that an invitation, Sensei?”


“I see. In any case, I buy this brand in bulk because it’s most economical, but lately I’ve become dissatisfied with the taste. Hence, the ones in the blue bag.”

“There’s more? Oh good grasshopping gerbils, what stores have you been in? Were you seen? People are going to make assumptions about us! Me! Again!”

“Does that bother you, Sensei?”

“Well if people are going to make assumptions about my lube consumption I wish they were at least true.”

“Was that an invitation?”


“All right. As I was saying, I hope to find one among these vegan, certified organic, pH-balanced, water-based lubricants which will maintain sufficient viscosity without clogging any sensors.”

“This one says it’s cinnamon flavored.”

“That brand comes in vanilla and lavender-bergamot as well. I chose cinnamon because I like it. At least, I did before my conversion.”

“Hmm. Spicy. I prefer vanilla, myself.”

“Was that a request, Sensei?”

Seriously. It’s your mouth, dude, put what you like in it.”



“Forgive me if I’m being presumptuous, but there is something I hope you might be interested to know.”

“Whatever you’re about to say, I deserve it.”

“Sensei, I do not have a gag reflex.”

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“Hang on. Pause for a sec, Genos.”

“Yes, Sensei?”

“Can you come? I mean, do you have the circuitry for it or whatever? ‘Cause I’ve seen you naked, and you didn’t seem to have the, uh. Hardware.”

“We’ll find out soon enough. Senseis first, Sensei.”

“No, I’m serious. I need this to be reciprocal. I don’t want to feel like I’m using you.”

“I assure you I’m doing this of my own volition, Sensei. I do not consider satisfying your libido to be an imbalance of needs in our relationship.”

“You’re evading the question, Genos.”

“I have ‘the circuitry,’ yes. It worked when I tested it. Dr. Stench offered to equip me with a prosthetic penis, but I thought it extraneous to my mission of vengeance. Shall I take him up on that offer at my next upgrade?”

Oh my dog. One thing at a time, Genos.”

“My point exactly, Sensei.”

“Can you at least stop calling me ‘Sensei’ in bed? It feels kinky.”




“Jiminy crispies, fine! Do whatever you want.”

“That was my intention all along, Sensei.”

Chapter Text

“I dunno man, it just feels like you’re beating me somehow.”

“I don’t understand, Sensei. Do you not think that whoever has the greater number of orgasms is the winner?”

“Isn’t it the other way around? I’m pretty sure most people think the one who gives their partner more orgasms is the winner.”

“How so? Are the orgasms not the prize?”

“No, I think the orgasms are like...points? Giving orgasms scores points, more points equals better lover. So you’re beating me by, what, double? Sheesh.”

“I wouldn’t know, Sensei. I’m not keeping track.”

“That’s a bald-faced lie.”

“Why are we competing against each other in the first place? Suppose we tally our orgasms cumulatively: then when either of us scores, we both win.”

“Heh. Score. I just noticed.”

“I’m laughing on the inside, Sensei.”

“Yeah, but I just don’t think it works that way? I feel like I’m letting you down.”

“Sensei! I strenuously disagree!”

“I mean you pay me rent but you don’t get a room, you pay for groceries you don’t even need--”

“We split groceries, and all the contents of the apartment were yours to begin with--”

“Except what you’ve bought new out of your own pocket.”

“I replace what I break! Are you still mad about the table? Please allow me to apologize again for the table. And the bowls. And the teapot.”

“Nah, see, that’s exactly it. Breaking that table was a collaborative effort. In fact, me making you come so hard you broke the table means that I won that round, you see?”

“That table actually broke quite easily.”


“I think I do see. So the ones I should apologize for are the futon, pajamas, desk chair, desk lamp, jeans, hoodie--hoodies plural, I’m sorry--floor cushions, bathtub cover, tub faucet, frying pan, laundry rack, balcony railing--”

“Stop! I get it! You win! All the time!”

“I particularly enjoyed the time with the frying pan.”

“Wasn’t that also when you scorched the kitchen floor?”

“Ah, yes! I’m sorry about that. Add it to my list.”

“No! No more lists!”

“So you agree, Sensei? We both win?”

“All right, I get your point. Thanks for reminding me of all the broken stuff in my apartment.”

“Since these items, by your reasoning, were my responsibility, I will replace them.”

“What happened to your reasoning of splitting everything halfway?”

“Will you allow me to buy a new frying pan? You’ve mentioned fried rice several times this week, and eggs are on sale today.”

“Stop reminding me of the frying pan right now. And you already bought the table, so it’s my turn.”

“While we’re on the subject, the new table will be much more difficult to break than the old one. I’m not sure if I can do it by myself. Would you mind collaborating with me, Sensei?”

Dammit, Genos! First the frying pan, now--I can’t go into the co-op like this! What have I said about sex talk in public?”

“That it is entirely unfair that my body shows no visible signs of arousal even if I choose to close the relevant circuits, and that those circuits and their switches themselves multiply the unfairness.”

“I said stop doing it!

“Sensei, if I recall correctly, you started it this time.”

“Genos please.”

“My apologies, Sensei. I went too far.”

“It’s okay. Just, no more innuendo while I sit here for a few minutes.”

“May I buy a frying pan?”

“If you shut up!

“I believe I can handle the shopping by myself today, Sensei.”

“No, just gimme a minute. There’s a limit per customer on tissues and we’re almost out.”

“Our tissue usage should drop significantly if you allow me to swallow more often.”

Genos there are little old ladies right freaking there. And it’s still super creepy to think about my swimmers getting incinerated in your core. And stop talking about my swimmers!”

“I never mentioned your swimmers, which would be digested into proteins and sugars and fed to my brain.”

“Fine, I give up! You can shop by yourself!”

“Are you going home, Sensei?”

“Yeah, in like an hour when I can walk again. Here, take the shopping bags.”

“Well, I was just going to suggest that if you get home before me, perhaps you would like to...set the table?”

“You say you were a goody-two-shoes as a kid, but honestly I can’t fathom it.”

“I hope I can make up for my inappropriate behavior by bringing home a very sturdy frying pan.”