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"Dorian, love, you're drunk."

"Nonsense, my dear Inquisitor."

The mage stumbled, swaying even as he slumped on the bench next to the rogue. Vex raised an eyebrow at his lover, torn on whether to laugh at him or help him.

"All right, maybe a little," he said.

"I'd say more than a little."

"I'm...fiiine. I can.....handle it," he slurred, a far cry from his normal composed way of talking.

" more drinks for the evil magister, tonight," he said, prying the bottle of wine away from his hands.

How had he even managed to get a hold of this? As far as he knew, there was no wine, at least not this expensive type of orlesian wine at the tavern. And Josephine had put the cellar under lock and key. The mage certainly wasn't able to pick the lock.
He was tempted to ask if there was a spell to open locks.

"You're so handsome, you know that?"

Maybe later.

"Glad you noticed."

"And the worst part is, you're not even trying! You look like a bloody scarecrow half the time and you're still pretty."

Dorian looked at him, licking his lips hungrily. The rogue blushed to his ears, clearing his throat. With his face on fire, he kept his gaze firmly on the mage, trying to forget that he wasn't alone.
Oh no, they really weren't.
As if a tavern full of people wasn't enough, he didn't need to see them, to hear Bull and Varric snickering to themselves on the other side of the table. At least Cassandra hadn't noticed. Yet.

He was distracted by the arrival of a blonde elf, who took one look at Dorian, who was staying upright more because he was leaning on the Inquisitor, rather than through any effort on his part, and grinned.

Vex didn't like that grin. It usually came with her latest prank and Cullen nearly tearing out his hair in frustration. Or Josephine hounding the female elf, in an attempt to educate her on the meaning of propriety.

"Little mage-bits can't handle his drinking again?"

"Sera? Did you have anything to....did you open the wine cellar again?"

Her own special brand of evil laugh answered his question. Great. He'd have to warn Josie to look for bottles with dead snakes inside them again.
Not that it wasn't funny, to see a noble faint in shock as he realized the wine he'd been drinking had a dead reptile in it.
It hadn't been nearly as funny though, when one of the snakes turned out to be poisonous and it had released the venom into the liquid before dying. It was a miracle Lord Dereth was alive. And only because Vivienne was, worryingly enough, an expert in poisoned foods.

He froze, his thoughts immediately halted as he felt Dorian hand slip below his shirt, caressing him exactly where he knew he'd have an effect.
A remarkable feat, considering he wasn't able to hold himself upright.

"Oi, Boss. You going to continue playing or not?"

He shot a look at the qunari, but if he'd noticed what the mage was doing, he wasn't giving anything away.

"And miss out on squeezing money from all of you? Not a chance," he said, pretending Dorian wasn't fondling him in full view of a tavern full of people.

Thank the Maker they were on the second floor at least.

He tried to relax and for a while it looked like he was managing to ignore Dorian's ministrations. In his drunken state, he wasn't putting much enthusiasm into it.

Until he rested his head on his shoulder. His mouth close to his ear. And started talking.

"I want to fuck you," he whispered, his speech only slightly slurred.

Vexeris would've found it remarkable he was able to speak so clearly, if that statement hadn't been followed by Dorian's hand dipping, slipping his fingers just beneath the hem of his pants.

He went rigid at the contact, exhaling, trying to will his body not to respond to his lover's touch.

Think of aunt Lucille salons. Cullen's reports. Boring stuff, Vex, think boring stuff. Definitely not Dorian about definitely not working.

"I want to strip you from those ugly clothes you wear and lick every inch of you."


"Boss, it's your turn."

The qunari was amused at something and if Trevelyan had been in his right mind, he would have questioned the sly grin in his face.
Instead he squirmed, as Dorian went lower.

"I'll pull your pants down, reach that magnificent cock of yours and make you scream my name," he said, slightly louder.

Vex tried concentrating on his cards. He was going to lose he knew it. He wasn't in his right mind, to cheat effectively. Or stop Varric from doing it.
It was a testament to how distracting Dorian was, when he couldn't even tell when the dwarf was switching his cards.

He dared a look at Cassandra, who was probably the only one oblivious to the whole thing, staring at her hand of cards with a glare worthy of the name. If he'd been in the cards place, he'd change the figures on his own, under that stare.

"Then when you're properly relaxed, I'm going to open you up and slip inside that perfect tight ass."

Sera naked. Maker, please, I've seen her more than enough times. Sera naked. Andraste's holy knickers, he talks dirty when he's drunk.

"Honestly are you even trying, your highness? You could just hand us your money, you know."

He shot a glare at Varric, who merely grinned.

He didn't have time to contemplate on the how or why.

Because Dorian had managed to get to his prize and victorious, gave him a squeeze.

The undignified loud yelp he made had Bull breaking his facade and start laughing like a madman, barely managing to put his cards down.

That had Cassandra looking at him, realizing for the first time, that something was going on.

Varric couldn't look more pleased, if he'd tried.

And then....the final touch.

Dorian, drunk beyond reason, moved his head just enough, so that his mouth was close to Vexeris's jaw.

And licked. A long, slow, using the whole tongue lick.

Vexeris Trevelyan would later intimidate his friends into silence. Order them, under penalty of merciless revenge, to never speak of this. To anyone. Under any circumstance.

He scrambled away, startled. Only he forgot he was on a bench. A short bench.

The result was worthy of one of Varric's smutty tales.

He landed on his ass, completely shocked. His clothes were rumpled, just in the right way. And with the bulge quite evident between his legs, it was clear, what the Tevinter mage had been doing to their Herald.

He took small comfort in knowing, Cassandra was even more embarrassed than him.

In fact he briefly worried, she was going to faint from blood loss, as her face turned from red, to slightly purple, all her blood rushing to her face.

Bull nearly fell of his chair, as he was shaking in uncontrollable laughter, when Dorian, now lost his upwards position, whined quite loudly.

"What's going on here? I heard a....."

Oh shit. Just when I thought this couldn't get any worse.

The Commander took one look at the table, taking in Bull gasping for air, Varric grinning like a fool, Cassandra about to explode in a sea of embarrassment, Dorian slumped on the bench and the Inquisitor, his leader, on the ground, as red as his hair, pants slightly opened with an obvious erection and flushed instantly, looking away.

Vexeris gritted his teeth, summoning what remained of his mind and quickly covered himself how he could. Not that it still wasn't quite obvious.

I should start wearing robes. Dorian doesn't have this fucking problem.

"Bull! Instead of laughing like a maniac, give me the key to your fucking room."

"You and the Vint, in my room? Without me? I'm sure there's a law against that, Boss. There definitely should be."

If possible Cullen and Cassandra flushed even more.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, you big horned idiot. I'm just going to drop Dorian on a flat surface, so he can sleep it off."

"I will, if you will," he said, giving him an appreciative leer, making sure to take his time.

"Just give me the fucking key!"

He thought he was out of the woods, when he managed to get Dorian upright. And held the key to their safety in his hand.

Get him on a bed, then go find a ditch to bury myself in. Good plan.

He thought wrong. It wasn't over.

"Hey Boss!"

Oh no. Oh fucking no. Please tell me he didn't....

"Let me know, if that perfect tight ass needs something more substantial than what's it getting."

That's it. I'm going to literally die of embarrassment.

Here lies the Inquisitor. Dead because his boyfriend couldn't keep his hands to himself and his friends were assholes.

Maker, Dorian you better remember all of it tomorrow, because I'll wring your neck for this.

Uncomfortable in public, my fucking ass.