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So Cold

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January 12th

Oh, you can’t hear me cry

See my dreams all die

From where you’re standing

On your own.

It’s so quiet here

And I feel so cold

This house no longer

Feels like home.

Draco’s entire body shook as he cried, the sounds of his cries echoed in the empty manor. All he did was cry now. All he did was wake up and feel sorry for himself. Maybe he deserved this. Maybe if he was better then Harry would have stayed.

Once the tears ran dry, he sat up and wiped his cheeks. Draco tried to stand but immediately fell, looking down at his legs, he couldn’t recognize them. These skeleton legs didn’t belong to him… or did they? He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten. No he remembered it was breakfast. Harry had made these things called pancakes. His skin felt like sandpaper and his throat burned for water. What day was it? How long had it been since he showered last? Honestly he couldn’t remember and the room was spinning.  He just wanted this all to stop.

Draco started to shiver uncontrollably and attempted to pull the blanket around his shoulders but the bed was so far away. Where was he again? Where’s Harry?

“He’s gone” Draco murmured to the empty room. This room wasn’t his. Well it was his but it didn’t feel like it. This house doesn’t feel like home. Nowhere feels like home except Harry. He felt like home. His sunshine was gone. Now he couldn’t see the colors, it was all black…. So who could blame him for adding red?

-

  When Blaise entered the manor, the first thing that crossed his mind was death. He hadn’t heard from Draco in over two months and neither had Mrs. Malfoy.  When he entered his old friend's bedroom, he gasped and ran to his side.

“Draco!”  Blaise shouted and shook him…. Or what was left of him. He shook the skin and bones that somewhat resembled his best friend. “Draco you fucking idiot! Wake the fuck up! Dammit what did you do? What did you do to yourself?!” Blaise quickly tried to stop the bleeding. “DRACO”

-

Draco woke up to bright lights. Lights should not be that bright. Where the hell was he? Was he dead? If he was dead then he wouldn’t still feel like this. Maybe he’s actually back home and this was all a dream? Maybe Harry is lying beside him?  Draco opened his eyes and looked to his side. He was wrong. It’s all wrong. Why isn’t he dead?

“Draco? Darling?” Narcissa Malfoy stood at his bedside. The bags under her sad eyes hurt to see.

“W-“ Draco tried to speck but ended up coughing loudly, his mother handed him a glass of water which he drank eagerly. His throat burned so badly “Where?” he rasped out

“You’re in a hospital in France, it’s a magical hospital” She murmured softly as she brushed the hair from his face “What happened? Where were you?”

Draco squeezed his eyes shut. No. No. No. This is all wrong he was meant to die! Why didn’t they just let me die?

-

One month after

After that Draco wasn’t allowed out of Narcissa's and Blaise's sights. He gained weight back but he still bruised by the slightest touch and he still didn’t weigh more than his mother. He still dreamt of Harry. Every night and every morning he would wake up, realizing it was all just a dream.

Four months after

You caused my heart to bleed and

You still owe me a reason

'Cause I can't figure out why...

Why I'm alone and freezing

While you're in the bed that she's in

And I'm just left alone to cry

Draco had healed. Well physically anyway. He still ate barely anything and his dreams turned into nightmares. Nightmares only Harry had chased away. He still lived in the dark with no sunshine but that was okay because he was used to the dark by now.

He had to do this though. He had to ask. He had to see him again. It hurt too much not to. That’s how he found himself standing outside Harry’s door. Draco had made sure Ginny was gone before he rang the doorbell.

When Harry opened the door Draco couldn’t breathe. It was like the last few months had washed away and it was okay again.

“Draco?”

“It seems to be yes” Draco responded like he had done on that day and Harry seemed to notice.

“Would you like to come in?” Harry asked

“Is the weaselette here?” Draco asked even though he knew that she had left an hour ago and wouldn’t be home for another two hours.

“No she left about an hour ago” Harry murmured, his eyes scanning over the loosely hanging clothing and the hallowed cheeks.

“Then I suppose it wouldn’t hurt” Draco murmured and followed Harry into the house.

“You’ve lost weight” Harry commented softly as he soaked in the sight of Draco

“That tends to happen when you starve yourself.” Draco commented and then gestured to the seat “May I?”

Harry nodded and the pair sat down. “What do you mean? Are you okay?” Harry asked concern filling those green eyes. He just feels guilty. You aren’t worth the guilt. You deserved everything that’s ever happened to you Draco.

“As if you care. I didn’t come here to make you feel guilty” Draco stated before holding a hand up to stop Harry from talking “I…I just… I need to know… Why? I get why you wanted her and not me but why didn’t you just leave. I can’t figure It out. We were so happy. I thought…I… I thought I made you happy…”

“You did. You did make me happy and I didn’t… I fucked up.” Harry stood up by this point running his fingers through his hair “I’m not in love with her. Believe me when I say I loved you… I still love you”

“Please don’t lie to me” Draco said softly “I can’t take that”

“I’m not lying. Draco Ginny and I only had sex three times. You walked in on the third. I didn’t mean for it to happen again and I meant to tell you… I’m married to her and I still dream of you. I regret what I did. Everything just happened so fast…” Harry kneeled down in front of Draco, taking his hands “I’m so so sorry. I thought that she was perfect but I realized you were my one and she wasn’t but by that time it was too late. Ginny’s pregnant and Ron pressured me to marry her but the one I wanted to marry was you”

 Draco squeezed his eyes shut. He came here for closure and now everything was so confusing. He let himself be pulled into a hug and he couldn’t stop himself from clinging on to him. Draco knew this could only end badly for him and this probably wasn’t a good idea but all he could think was that he was finally home.