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December 12th

I’ve done you wrong, I regret it

I write this song, try to forget it

I feel this emptiness in my chest

It feels surreal, but I’m feeling stressed

Harry laid between Draco’s legs, kissing him with an inch of his life when Draco pulled back and looked at Harry with a lazy smile “Time to wake up” he murmured as he brushed the hair out of his face…

“Harry wake up we will be late!” Ginny sighed “take care of that before my mother gets here” the redhead gestured to the tent in the covers. Harry ran his hands over his face. It was a dream. A dream he wished more than anything to be a reality. He didn’t want this.

One Year Earlier

Harry was resting his head on Draco’s lap, as the blonds fingers carded through his hair “I need a break from being Harry Potter” Draco bookmarked his book and set it down.

“Oh?”

“It’s too much stress and I just want to take a break” Harry murmured and then sighed “It’s stupid I know”

“No it’s not stupid… why don’t you take off work until Christmas and we can hole up at home?” Draco asked “We can even go visit the burrow”

“Am I allowed to do that?” Harry asked, looking up at his lover and Draco snorted

“You’re the savior of the wizarding world. I don’t think they will mind” Draco responded and Harry grinned then leaned up to kiss him

“You’re brilliant”

“Oh trust me I know” Draco stated and then picked his book back up to start reading again.

-

 When Draco’s mother fell ill he had packed a bag and promised to be back in a week. Harry told him he’d stay at the burrow. That was the first mistake he made. Ginny had made it her mission to make Harry have fun while Draco was away. They flew their brooms in the fields and played drinking games with Ron.

After the week was up Draco came home as promised and complained about missing him. Harry then remembered he had forgotten to write Draco in those days. He had forgotten because Ginny had him constantly occupied. They spent Christmas Eve with Narcissa and Christmas Day at the Burrow. What Harry didn’t mention was Ginny and he got caught under the mistletoe, they kissed.

-

I smell heartbreak on my hands

I feel sick to my stomach as I begin to stand

I see your outline in my bed

In the same spot I watched him rest his head

Everywhere he went Ginny was and Harry found himself not minding. He didn’t intend for them to end up in the sheets after a late night at the pub. When he woke up the next morning with Ginny beside him, he wanted to throw up. He betrayed Draco. What the hell was wrong with him? Ginny was his best mates sister and Draco was perfect. This will not happen again.

I wake up the morning after

You call but I don’t answer

And I can’t look you in the eye,

No matter how hard I try

You deserve forever,

not a boy looking for better

But as long as you’re still here,

Imma try to keep you near

It happens again. Harry wasn’t expecting it to. He didn’t plan it but he couldn’t deny how he felt when he fucked her. It was new and he liked it. The next morning his phone rang and Draco’s contact was on the screen. He remembered when he bought a phone for Draco telling him it was faster than owl and much easier. If Draco was calling then he was truly freaked out but Harry couldn’t pick up the phone.

Harry wanted to puke and he hated what he had done. He didn’t want this. He wanted to settle down with Draco and coming home to face him was the worst.

“Where were you? I was worried you prick!” Draco shouted his eyes filled with worry as Harry opened their front door.

“I know… I’m sorry… I was… I was out with Nev at the pub and I had too much to drink so I passed out on his couch” Harry lied and pulled Draco into a hug to avoid eye contact “I’m so sorry” I can’t look him in the eye. He will know what I’ve done.

“What’s up with you?” Draco asked

 Harry shrugged “I’m just tired and hung over. Why don’t I take you out tomorrow? Let me make up for being such a wanker”

“Alright but you’re still a wanker no matter what you do” Draco grinned and kissed him softly “let me get some hangover potion. Go lay down”

-

I need to do something

I fucked up for nothing

Now I gotta just tell someone,

Tell someone what I’ve done

Harry ended up telling Hermonie what he did. He had to tell someone. It kept weighing him down and he thought telling her would help but it just made it all more real. It made him see what he did and it made him see how much he fucked up.

“I suggest you call Ginny up and end things with her and then when Draco gets home you tell him” Hermonie stated but he could see the disappointment there. Who knew Harry Potter The Boy Who Cheats.

One Month Earlier

“Ginny I don’t want to hurt Draco” Harry started, he had invited her over to explain and settle things. He finally felt some clarity in the past 11 months. He finally felt good. “I’m sorry but this is over between us”

“Just give me one last kiss… please… it was so hard letting you go last time” Ginny begged and Harry complied but then the kiss turned passionate and the next thing he knew Harry was fucking Ginny  in his and Draco’s bed. Horror filled him when he heard Draco clearing his throat. No. No. No. This can’t be happening.

Harry could read Draco like a book. Draco kept that strong mask up but it was his eyes that gave away his emotions. Harry’s chest ached as he caught sight of the emotions swimming in his grey eyes.  “I think its time I left, don’t you?” Draco said numbly and apparented out of the house.

“Wait! Draco! Dammit” Harry shouted and fisted his hands in his hair “fuck fuck fuck fuck”

“Harry” Ginny tried and put a hand on his arm

“Don’t fucking touch me! Get out!” Harry shouted at her and she quickly followed his command. Harry scrubbed his face “I fucked up.”

-

Harry sat in their bedroom, hating himself as he had done for Merlin knows how long and when he heard the familiar light footsteps his heart nearly jumped out of his chest  “Draco is that you?”

“It seems to be yes” Draco responded coolly as he entered swiftly, using magic to pack his suitcase.

“I-I didn’t mean to… I never wanted you to…” Harry tried to explain, going closer to him. “I never meant for you to find out this way”

“I understand why” Draco said softly, Harry could see the shadow of pain reflecting in his grey eyes. The same grey eyes that used to look at him with love and happiness. “I get it really. You don’t need to feel guilty”

“I’m sorry” Harry said softly “I’m so sorry”

-

“What do you want Ginny?” Harry slurred, he was sitting at the kitchen table of Draco and his home or what once was their home. It wasn’t really the house that made it his home, Harry realized it was Draco. Draco was his home. His drunken mind made the room spin and that’s why when Ginny said it, he thought he’d imagined it .

“I’m pregnant and I demand you marry me”

-

Six Months After

Please bathe me now, wash me clean

Just set my heart on fire, like gasoline

Bathe me now, yeah, wash me clean

Just set my heart on fire, like gasoline

When the doorbell rang, he sighed and stood from where he was reading his book. Draco’s favorite book actually. Whenever he did things Draco liked, he felt closer and well at home. Opening the door to Draco was the best and the worst thing to ever happen to him. “Draco?”

“It seems to be yes” Draco responded like he had done on that day and Harry saw that day flashing before his eyes again.

“Would you like to come in?” Harry asked, hoping to Merlin that Draco would say yes. He needed Draco close again.

“Is the weaselette here?”

“No she left about an hour ago” Harry murmured, his eyes scanning over the loosely hanging clothing and the hallowed cheeks. Harry’s chest began to ache when he saw the boney wrist and the dark circles under those grey eyes.

“Then I suppose it wouldn’t hurt” Draco murmured and followed Harry into the house.

“You’ve lost weight” Harry commented softly as he soaked in the sight of Draco. He had more than lost weight, he had lost the life that Harry once saw in those beautiful grey eyes.

“That tends to happen when you starve yourself.” Draco commented and then gestured to the seat “May I?”

 

Harry nodded and the pair sat down. “What do you mean? Are you okay?” Harry asked, his heart crumbled. He couldn’t believe he had down this to Draco.

“As if you care. I didn’t come here to make you feel guilty” Draco stated before holding a hand up to stop Harry from talking “I…I just… I need to know… Why? I get why you wanted her and not me but why didn’t you just leave. I can’t figure It out. We were so happy. I thought…I… I thought I made you happy…”

“You did. You did make me happy and I didn’t… I fucked up.” Harry stood up by this point running his fingers through his hair “I’m not in love with her. Believe me when I say I loved you… I still love you”

“Please don’t lie to me” Draco said softly “I can’t take that”

“I’m not lying. Draco Ginny and I only had sex three times. You walked in on the third. I didn’t mean for it to happen again and I meant to tell you… I’m married to her and I still dream of you. I regret what I did. Everything just happened so fast…” Harry kneeled down in front of Draco, taking his hands “I’m so so sorry. I thought that she was perfect but I realized you were my one and she wasn’t but by that time it was too late. Ginny’s pregnant and Ron pressured me to marry her but the one I wanted to marry was you”