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Broken Heart and Broken Dream

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It’s been two weeks since that night, when Oliver’s son from Central City was found out. It’s been two weeks since Felicity, with tears in her eyes and a quiet around her, a still-ness (one that spoke of a broken heart) had said the final words to Oliver- “we are done.” It’s been two weeks of rebuilding herself piece by piece, and doing something that had never happened before, hardening her heart. After her father, Cooper, and all other relationships, she rebuilt herself in a different image but her soul and innate sense of self always remained constant. She built walls of fear and trust issues to help PROTECT her heart, but never once had it been so thoroughly broken that she HARDENED it instead. Digg, Laurel, Thea, Curtis and her mom all tried to talk to her but she shut them out saying she needed space and time. Her mom was quite insistent that Oliver and Felicity could work through this, but Felicity shut her down saying “never again.” When her mom still wouldn’t let it drop, even with Felicity feeling like every breath she took was her dying over and over again, Felicity shouted at her mom to leave her alone. Then Felicity turned on Donna saying how could she pick Oliver over her own daughter? Can’t she see the pain he caused by LIES? If Oliver would have told her about his son when he found out, they would be okay, but never again- NO. MORE. LIES.

******FLASHBACK TO LAST NIGHT****************

“And you would know ALL about lies Mom wouldn’t you? You’ve been lying to me since I was seven,” Felicity told Donna with a sneer. Donna had never seen Felicity look like that ever, not even during their worst times together.

“What do you mean by that?” Donna was extremely confused.

“I KNOW about what happened with Dad. How he wanted to encourage my intellect. That he wanted to go to camps, programs, and other events like that so I would be surrounded by others like me. Instead you fought him on what you thought was best. You drilled him down until he left, and forced him to leave me. “ Felicity looked at her bitterly and with rage.

“Honey, that’s not what happened. I don’t know….” Donna was immediately cut off by Felicity.

“I KNOW because Dad is back. HE was the one to tell me the truth about EVERYTHING. HE was the one to actually freakin’ care. So YES I believe him over you. You want to know why? Because THIS! What you are doing RIGHT THIS FREAKIN’ SECOND is only what’s best for you and not for me. You say you didn’t wear him down? What WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO ME? I am in so much pain, and all you can say is Oliver this and Oliver that. NO. Get out and away from me now.” Felicity yells as Donna is speechless.

“Baby….” Donna begins but again doesn’t get to finish anything before Felicity cuts her off.

“I told you to get out of my place now. You were selfish then, of course you would be selfish now. Nevermind, I’ll just leave instead since you can’t even respect my wish to be left alone. To think that I thought he was wrong about you. But I guess I was wrong. Bye mom. Though it’s not like you will miss me- what with your family with Quentin and Oliver.” Felicity sneers again and wheels herself as fast as she can out of there.

*********** BACK TO THE PRESENT************************

Felicity has finished packing everything she can, as her dad will be there within the hour to pick her up. She doubts Donna actually understood her parting words, or the double meaning that Felicity was meaning bye literally as well as metaphorically. Felicity will be leaving with her father, to reconnect with him, and find some way to remake herself again. There is a knock at the door, and Felicity looks at the monitor thinking it would be Digg or Oliver depending if Donna told them. Instead she sees Samantha, the mother of Oliver’s son. That shocks Felicity, but it appears Samantha is here by herself.

Felicity opens the door to find a nervous Sandra, as if Sandra knows that she caused Felicity all this pain. But Felicity does not blame her in the slightest, and that is why Felicity answered the door.

“Hi. I’m Sandra. Um….could I come in and talk to you?” Sandra asks.

“Sure. Come on in.” Felicity leads her to the couch in the living room.

“I don’t know how to say this or how to begin really. I just wanted to say that I made Oliver promise not to tell anyone about my son. I realize now that Oliver is no longer the Ollie that I knew, but at the time when he found out, I was so scared that he would come in and take my son away. So I blackmailed Oliver that if he told anyone, then I would expose Moira for paying me off to lie that I had miscarried. He wanted to tell you, but I told him if he said anything, I would get a restraining order and prevent him from ever seeing his son.” Samantha looks at Felicity to see condemnation for blackmailing Oliver, but instead she finds understanding in Felicity’s eyes.

“He told me….that night it was found out at his rally” Felicity blinks her tears away. “I don’t blame you Samantha. In fact, I admire the strength that you have to raise your son by yourself without any support for you. I understand your reasoning in keeping Oliver at arm’s length, because though I didn’t know him before The Gambit, I have heard enough to understand your….uneasiness about him being a father. I don’t blame you in the slightest, and I know Oliver was put in a no win scenario, especially when he knew what would happen. I know he really had no choice to make though, so I get it. I do.”

“What do you mean he knew what would happen?” Samantha had seen Felicity whisper that last part of the sentence, as if Felicity didn’t know she said it out loud.

“He knew that we would break up, or he had hoped it wouldn’t happen. But he knew we would never be able to be together again,” Felicity said it in a sad voice.

“I don’t understand. I mean yes he kept this from you, but it was all because of me. He looks wrecked and I’ve grown to see that he is different than from what I remember. Except now he’s sad all the time, as if a piece of him is gone. I’m sorry that I caused this, but it was my intention to protect my son.” Samantha felt the need to justify her actions.

Felicity took a deep breath in.

“He never told you about my family or my history did he? I grew up without a dad, he left when I was seven years old. My mom then had to carry on all by herself to make sure that I was okay. I found some more facts about all that, but regardless, Oliver knew how I would feel about all this. Growing up with a single mom, but KNOWING my dad was out there and left? I felt constantly like I couldn’t trust anyone nor was I ever good enough to make someone stay. Had I known, I would have encouraged Oliver to know William and be a part of his life. I never would have taken that away, because he knows how I feel about a parent who abandons their child, even if William didn’t know about Oliver like I did about my dad. What he knew was that my one thing, my ONE thing that I cannot handle is lies. (Ironic if you think about it Smoak, Felicity thinks to herself). I can’t handle lies when in a relationship with someone. I won’t go into it with you, as I’m sorry, I don’t know you that well….or really at all. Still, Oliver knew that if he were to lie to me then I would leave. So he knew. “ Felicity says softly and looking at the ground.

“But I….”

“You did NOTHING but protect your son and his life. I UNDERSTAND all of this, and that Oliver had no choice. Either lie to me or lie to you, and he couldn’t take that chance to lie to you and risk losing his son. So I understand all of this, and it is a sucky situation, but even with all this understanding……I can’t….I just…” Felicity looks at Samantha with devastation. Samantha thinks back to all the times Oliver begged her to let him tell Felicity, and she truly regrets not agreeing.

“I’m sorry for being the cause for your pain and Oliver’s pain,” Samantha says while standing up from the couch.

“Please don’t take on the guilt for this. Did you put Oliver in a terrible situation? Yes. But Moira did that first to you, and I get that you were looking out for you and your son. THAT should always be a mother’s instinct. Moira knew Oliver wasn’t ready for fatherhood, and she did what she though was best for her son- just like you are. Just think about that in regards to Oliver. He didn’t know or he would have been there. He’s a GOOD man, and so changed from the ways of his youth. Don’t take away William from him…..please. “ Felicity begs Sandra, and gives a small smile as Samantha nods.

Felicity leads Samantha to the door, and that’s when she sees suitcases that appear to be packed and ready.

“Are you leaving the city?” Samantha looks at Felicity in horror. Felicity has made it CLEAR that she holds no blame really at Samantha OR even Oliver, but still, Samantha can see that she and Oliver had destroyed an innocent woman.

“Yes. Just like William, my father is also back in my life. I’ll be leaving Star City and will be reconnecting with my father.” Felicity says this numbly and without emotion. Almost like determination and resignation are warring each other in her voice.

“For how long?” Samantha asks and is almost afraid of the answer.

“Indefinitely. Though I may visit the company from time to time, but I will never return to Star City to live.”

“Please. You say you don’t blame me or even Oliver, but this will destroy him,” Samantha tries again.

“Like I said. Just because I understand, I do have a genius level intellect, it doesn’t take away the fact that he continuously LIED to me about his son. He could have said that he couldn’t tell me. Or that one day he’ll be able to tell me, but to not ask him about it. Granted I would have then tried to find out on my own, but at least Oliver would have been able to keep his word to you. He continuously said he had to go to Central City for other reasons, and…….. please…..I just can’t anymore. This will help Oliver in the long run, without me living in the city, he will be able to move on. I can’t stay here, because I’ll be reminded everywhere I go about how much I love….LOVED…loved….loved Oliver. “ Felicity had to emphasize the past tense in an attempt to get her heart to do the same. She knows that she loves Oliver, but the fact of the matter is that her heart can no longer be trusted. It will take awhile, but soon she’ll be able to maybe this was a blessing, that this happened before they got married. Though Felicity doesn’t think she would have felt an iota less pain in the future than she does now.

There’s a knock on the door and Felicity opens it to reveal her father.

“You ready Gadget?” her dad calling her by his nickname for her. He looks between the two women, he knows who Samantha is of course, but it’s as if he is analyzing the situation and what that woman’s presence means.

“Yes I am. My suitcases are all here, except for one that is in my office, can you get that one for me?” Felicity states as her father relaxes. He knows that she has not changed her mind, and will be coming with him.

“Goodbye Samantha.” Felicity says with a finality and numbness that surprises the woman. Samantha doesn’t know much about Felicity other than what she’s seen on the news and what Oliver has said. But even Samantha knows, that the woman looking up at her is no longer Felicity but someone else….someone broken.

Samantha was unable to say anything as the door closed in her face. She always tried to pride herself on being a good person and a good mom. Yes William was unexpected, but she grew up fast to make sure he was well cared for- emotionally as well as physically. She taught him the value of self-worth, keeping to your word, as well as concepts of love and loyalty. Samantha walks back to her car with her mind elsewhere, back to the night of Moira handing her a check but Felicity’s voice as narration “she did what was best for her son.” Suddenly Samantha feels ill, because really are her and Moira any different? Both having destroyed not only an innocent girl (in this case Moira destroyed Samantha), but also Oliver as well. Each had done what they thought was best for their sons, and it’s that comparison that makes everything so confusing to Samantha. Maybe the hate she felt for so long at Moira and the Queens was justified, but also like Felicity, Samantha now at least has some understanding which lessens the prejudice against Oliver that she’s been carrying. With all that reflection, She calls Oliver to let him know what happened with Felicity.

“Hi Samantha.” Oliver sounds devastated, because that’s what he has been for the past two weeks.

“I just got done talking with Felicity…..” Samantha begins and Oliver cuts her off.

“You did what?! What….how….why….” Oliver can’t form sentences or thoughts at this moment.

“Look. We can discuss this later, but I’m calling to tell you she is leaving Star City at this very moment. She said she’s leaving with her dad, who just showed up now at her place, and they will not be returning,” Samantha says it quickly to make sure Oliver understands and gets here.

She expects him to yell, or to run over to Felicity, or to do a multitude of different things. She doesn’t expect the quiet that happens, and she sure doesn’t expect the sobbing that is heard. She hears Oliver crying on the phone as well as Thea Queen in the background asking her brother what happened, puts everything into perspective. Thea takes the phone from Oliver, and Samantha relays the same information, and again Samantha is surprised….that Thea Queen the little hellion and elitist brat from a previous time is now crying as well.

The Queens really have changed, Sandra thinks to herself. And then again she compares herself to Moira, both doing what they thought was best for their sons and both destroying another person. In this case, Samantha had thought she was protecting her son and her family, instead she hurt an innocent woman and destroyed another family.