Obi-wan wasn’t sure how he ended up alone, on his couch on a Friday night, swiping through Tinder. Well, actually that wasn’t true. He knew exactly how he got there, Padme and Anakin had finally gotten together, making him the third wheel to their weekend hangouts. Then to “thank” him, Anakin had downloaded the app onto his phone as a joke.
Only now Obi-wan was bored and actually flipping through pictures of guys in his area.
Admittedly he had no intention of actually using the app for it’s intended purpose. Obi-wan had never been interested in casual hookups and finding a “match” through pictures alone didn’t exactly a deep connection make. Still it was kind of fun to see who was out there… and a bit ego boosting when a hot guy came up as a match.
A couple guys had messaged Obi-wan but he largely ignored them other than laughing at some of the one-liners they came up with.ghing at some of the one-liners they came up with.
Obi-wan nearly laughed out loud after swiping left and finding himself looking at a profile for none other than Qui-Gon Jinn. Of course, it didn’t say all that, whoever made the profile had put Qui as their name but the pictures were pretty obviously of Obi-wan’s celebrity crush. He was actually a bit impressed by the catfishes attempt to use pictures that could have been selfies rather than the more obvious glamour shots widely available online. Curious he checked to see if they had added any Bio information. Yes! Even better! The caption was short and sweet.
Irish gent looking for love.
Obi-wan laughed again and swiped right, despite the profile no doubt being an impersonator, he couldn’t exactly say no to Qui-Gon Jinn. To his amusement however, instead of going onto the next profile the notification of “It’s a Match!” came up instead. He wondered how many guys this person was catfishing… they probably swiped right more often than not, hoping to reel people in.
Despite Obi-wan’s better judgment he decided to hit message, but not before a ping came through showing that “Qui-Gon” had beaten him to the punch.
With a grin he clicked on the message. It read simply *Hello.*
Well no cheesy pickup line, but Obi-wan had no doubt that it wouldn’t stay that way for long.
*Hi there.* Obi-wan messaged back, waiting to see what would come of it.
*It seems we are a match.* Well, yes, that much was obvious. Obi-wan laughed and shook his head.
*It seems so “Qui-Gon”*. Obi-wan texted back before adding, *How did you manage to get a selfie?*
Obi-wan had to wait a minute for a reply. *I took it myself actually. Hence the name ‘self-ie’.*
*You don’t think I am me?*
*Pretty sure that Qui-gon Jinn doesn’t need Tinder to find his hookups. ;)*
*You might be surprised. I thought it would be interesting to try after a friend recommended it as a way to meet people.*
*Just ‘meet’ huh? How many people have you met up with so far?* Obi-wan might have felt a bit bad for teasing a stranger normally, but whoever this was would just be catfishing someone else otherwise.
*Well none so far, to be honest. I just downloaded the app this evening.*
*Well you did a good job on your profile. ;)*
*Forgive me for asking, but if you didn’t believe I am “Qui-gon” why did you swipe yes?*
Obi-wan thought about his reply before he texted back. *He’s one of my favorite actors, plus the pictures you picked really were good.*
*Don’t you think he’s a bit old for you?*
Obi-wan glared at his phone like it had personally insulted him, *Hardly. You put his real age into the profile so you wouldn’t have even shown up if I wasn’t okay with dating a guy a few years older than me.* Okay so maybe, in this case, it was more than a few years, and Obi-wan hadn’t really set any age parameters since he had just been messing around anyway.
*Besides age doesn’t matter so much as what experiences you have had.* Obi-wan tacked on to his already long message.
*That is true.* A second message came in soon after the first. *So you find me attractive then?*
Obi-wan laughed a little, shaking his head. Apparently the guy wasn’t quite willing to give up the charade quite yet. Still… Obi-wan could enjoy this. He might not actually be talking Qui-Gon, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t pretend.
*Definitely. Hottest guy in Hollywood.* Obi-wan didn’t mind teasing, it didn’t mean anything after all.
*That’s quite the compliment. I must say I haven’t met anyone quite as charming as you are while I was there.*
*Haha, well you haven’t exactly met me.*
*We could change that.*
Obi-wan flushed, for a moment imagining actually meeting his celebrity crush.
*I don’t actually do hookups.* He texted back after a moment somewhat apologetically despite knowing that whoever he was talking to probably wasn’t actually aiming for that. Afterall once you met up in real life the charade was up.
*I was thinking more along the lines of dinner.*
Obi-wan stared at his cellphone, flustered, before shaking his head. The guy was just having him on. No way did he actually want to meet up…
*The chances of you being a serial killer just went way up btw.*
*Because I offered to buy you dinner? :(*
*Well that combined with pretending to be Qui-Gon Jinn.*
*Hmm, well this is unfortunate. I’m not sure how to prove that I’m not a serial killer. How about coffee?*
Obi-wan rolled his eyes and laughed again, *I’ll admit it would be hard to do. Sadly coffee is in the same category as dinner when it comes to possible serial killers.*
*That is regrettable. I suppose I will have to be satisfied with messages from afar.*
*Such a cruel fate ;)*
Obi-wan had to give it to him, this guy was smooth, but it was getting late and Obi-wan was an early riser, even on the weekend.
*Well I am heading to bed now, good luck with catfishing!*
*I’m not sure what you mean, but thank you all the same. Can I message you again tomorrow?*
Obi-wan laughed, this guy… Obi-wan could definitely imagine Qui-Gon not knowing what the internet slang word meant. That just meant that whoever this was was just that good, but all the same, Obi-wan enjoyed it.
*Sure.* Before he could rethink it Obi-wan added, *I probably won’t be on here again, you can text me at 989-212-1001.*
Obi-wan stared at the message he had just sent with rapidly growing regret. He had just given a complete stranger his number. At the minimum, he had just consigned himself to at least one prank call in the next few months.
*Lovely. I look forward to it! Sweet dreams. :)*
Obi-wan stared at his phone screen. He was more likely to have a nightmare about the whole thing. He was definitely not telling Anakin about this.
*Night* He messaged back before exiting out of everything. Gah, he was so stupid sometimes.
It turned out that Obi-wan’s dreams were more and less forgiving than he had expected. Instead of serial killers and crazy stalkers he dreamed that he met the great Qui-Gon Jinn, only the whole time he acted like he knew the man. This would have been fine if dream!Qui-Gon had acted the same, but instead Obi-wan acted like a fool and dream!Qui-Gon wouldn’t stop looking at him without a mix of pity and disgust.
Obi-wan woke up just as the sky was starting to lighten but he didn’t bother trying to go back to sleep. He had no urge to relive the embarrassing dream plus he had plenty to do. Anakin hadn’t made it back and so Obi-wan left for their morning jog on his own. The physical exercise would help take his mind off of things. The Qui-Gon catfish probably wouldn’t even bother messaging him, there were bigger fish in the sea after all, and far more gullible ones.
By the time lunch came around with Anakin and Padme, Obi-wan had almost forgotten the whole thing. The two of them were still in that sickly sweet stage (although Obi-wan wondered if they would ever leave it) but they were still his best friends and it was nice to hang out with them while their PDA was limited.
“So Obi-wan, you find anyone hot on Tinder?” Anakin asked with a grin. Padme elbowed her boyfriend in the side, but the man just grinned through it.
“What makes you think I even bothered opening it?” Obi-wan tried to sidestep the answer.
Anakin seemed to grin even wider. “Because Obi-wan. I know you and the curiosity would have gotten to you.” Anakin leaned back his hands behind his head, “That, snf you would have wanted to make sure I didn’t put up horrible pictures of you.”
Obi-wan glared back since that was exactly what made him finally pick up his phone once Anakin and Padme had made it out the door. Padme was trying to hide a smile, and Obi-wan knew when he had lost. “If you must know, I tried it, but decided it wasn’t for me, I deleted it this morning.” Which he had done as soon as he got back from his run. Apparently his decision making wasn’t as good as he thought it was, better to remove the danger entirely.
Both Anakin and Padme looked at him with disappointment. Anakin moving forward so his chair fell flat on the ground again. “What seriously? Come on Obi-wan you could have given it a chance.”
Seriously? Obi-wan returned their look with exasperation. “You’ve got to be kidding, I’m not going to meet anyone on a hookup app.”
“That’s not all it is.” Padme joined in the conversation earnestly. “I have a couple friends who have met their boyfriends on there-”
Obi-wan looked at her incredulously, “A couple?”
“Well… two. That doesn’t mean it can’t work, though! It’s just another way to meet other people!” Padme had clearly found a cause that she believed in, Obi-wan just wished that he hadn’t been part of it.
“Look, I understand you guys just want me to be happy, but I’m fine! I’m quite happy on my own, thanks.” Obi-wan folded his arms as if to settle his point, but was disgruntled when Anakin and Padme shared a look between them before turning back to Obi-wan. Honestly, he much preferred it when it was he and Padme sharing the look of exasperation at Anakin’s antics.
Before the two of them could go on about how they didn’t want Obi-wan to be alone etc. etc., Obi-wan’s phone buzzed and he happily took the out.
“One sec.” His friends waited impatiently while he checked his message from an unknown number.
*Hello Ben, hope you have had a lovely morning. This is Qui-Gon from last night. :)*
Holy, the guy was still sticking to his story. Obi-wan realizes too late that he had been looking at the text message for too long, he hurried hid his phone screen as Anakin tried to see what was written there.
Curiosity turned into delighted amusement as Anakin guessed what it had been. “Who was that Obi-wan?”
“No one.” Obi-wan answered too quickly and mentally cursed himself for it afterward.
“Oh really?” Padme was intrigued too now. Obi-wan glared at them both.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Anakin asked with a smirk.
Anyone watching Obi-wan would have said Obi-wan pouted, but he preferred to think of it as his angry frown. “Not with you trying to look over my shoulder I’m not.”
Padme’s eyes lit up in excitement making Obi-wan wince. Oh for Pete's sake, he didn’t want them getting their hopes up, but he was hardly going to tell them he had only talked to one guy last night who was catfishing people on Tinder. “Anakin how are your repairs going on that old Mustang?” Anakin sent one last smirk at Obi-wan before letting himself be distracted by his girlfriend.
Obi-wan simultaneously sighed with relief and rolled his eyes. Lunch with his friends could feel more like an interrogation at times. After making sure that Anakin truly was giving his full attention to Padme, Obi-wan took out his phone and considered his answer.
*Didn’t think you would actually message me.* Or he convinced himself that the other man wouldn’t. Obi-wan wasn’t quite sure what the point of a catfish was if the person on the other side knew that they were being fooled.
*I enjoy talking with you. It’s rather refreshing.* Whatever that meant.
*Couldn’t find anyone more interesting then?*
*None so cute as you.* Obi-wan made a face not sure how he felt about being called cute.
“What did he say?” Anakin and Padme’s attention had returned to him at some point and Obi-wan hurriedly stuffed his phone back in his pocket.
“Nothing.” The two stared at him. “Also none of your business. Are we still on for that concert next week?” Obi-wan changed the subject which his friends reluctantly allowed. Still he could feel their smug satisfaction for the rest of lunch. Luckily (or unluckily) Obi-wan had papers to grade for one of the classes he was TAing so he was allowed to escape without too much bother.
As he walked away though he couldn’t keep his mind off the last message from his catfish. Obi-wan bit his lip, for all he knew the guy could actually be a middle-aged woman getting her kicks off so it really shouldn’t matter… but then again…
Obi-wan pulled out his phone. He never took compliments well. Padme said it was because of how he grew up, but it was ridiculous to get flustered over a stranger calling him cute, even if that stranger was pretending to be Qui-Gon Jinn.
*You’re quite the flatterer.* Obi-wan finally texted back.
*Hardly, you are quite stunning.* Came back almost immediately.
Obi-wan felt even the tips of his ears go red. Anakin had been nice when he made Obi-wan’s profile, but all the pictures were just from facebook, hardly anything unusual.
*Now you’re just exaggerating*
*Are you sure Coffee is out of the question? Perhaps I could convince you in person.*
What? Obi-wan frowned. He thought that whole thing had just been just a ploy.
*Wouldn’t that ruin your whole “I’m Qui-Gon Jinn” thing?*
*I wouldn’t mind. Although perhaps you enjoy not knowing? ;)*
The question was perhaps a little too close to the truth.
*Well tbh anyone else but Qui-Gon would be a bit of a let down since you’re pretending to be him. :P*
*What if I really am him though?*
Obi-wan laughed out loud again, he was almost back to his apartment now.
*I guess it would be a dream come true then.*
*Oh so I’m your prince charming?*
*Well Qui-Gon is, yes.*
Obi-wan thought about his answer.
*Well aside from being the perfect specimen of a man, he’s also kind and generous.*
*How do you know if you have never met me?*
Obi-wan stuck out his tongue at his phone before putting it away to climb the stairs of his apartment without distraction. He got settled in his room with the papers to be graded in front of him before he let himself answer.
*I might not know Qui-Gon Jinn, but his actions speak louder than words ever could. He isn’t just all talk, he goes out and helps people with his own hands. He may be famous, but he uses it to draw attention important causes. He’s a good man.*
There was more that Obi-wan wanted to add, but even that seemed too much. It was true that Obi-wan didn’t and couldn’t know who Qui-Gon was in person, but Obi-wan admired the man for many more reasons than just looks.
*That’s quite the reputation to live up to.*
Obi-wan smiled wistfully, he had overdone it.
*True. Anyway I have some papers to grade.*
*Papers? You’re a teacher?*
*No, just a TA, I am earning my doctorate right now. That means that I need to actually work BTW :P*
*Oh I see! I won’t distract you then. Good luck!*
Obi-wan smiled and set to work.
Unfortunately, despite Catfish!Qui-gon doing his best not to be a distraction he was still a rather large one. It was fun messaging back and forth with the stranger with no expectations, and Obi-wan kept glancing at his phone waiting for it to vibrate. Near the end of the huge pile of papers, it finally did and Obi-wan practically jumped on it before realizing it was only Anakin. Mentally he berating himself for getting exciting, he messaged back that no he still wasn’t done and that yes Anakin and Padme should go to the movie without him.
Another thirty minutes later Obi-wan was finally done with his grading and caught himself looking expectantly at his phone. Only, that didn’t actually make sense. Catfish!Qui-gon had no way of knowing when he would finish after all.
*Done* Obi-wan stared at the message before pushing enter. Should he have sent it? Why was he even talking to this guy in the first place?
Cause it was fun. And he was kind of lonely.
Feeling a bit depressed at his realization, Obi-wan was grateful for the distraction of his phone buzzing again. This time, he was ready for another false-call, but it turned out to be his catfish after all.
*Congratulations! How did it go?*
*A bit grueling to be honest. Freshmen course*
*Do you mind me asking what field you are going into?*
*Ah, hence the serial killer joke.*
*Well detective, do I fit the profile?*
*Honestly? It doesn’t look too good for you.*
*Really? How so?*
*Well the lying counts against you, plus you’re charming*
*Just because you don’t believe me, doesn’t mean that I’m lying. You think I’m charming?*
*Certainly sauve. That counts against you in the possible sociopath category.*
*Hmm, I can see your difficulty. Although it does seem like you're encompassing a rather large group of people with those identifiers.*
*Lol, well those aren’t the only ones, but I would probably need to actually meet you to really pin down the rest.*
*That could be arranged ;)*
*You’re shameless, another sign.*
*Oh dear. Perhaps you should come and arrest me.*
*I’m not actually a law enforcement officer so it looks like you will be left free to roam the streets. :P*
*I would rather roam them with you.*
*Honestly more bored than anything else. Hotels get a bit tedious after a while.*
Obi-wan wondered if his Catfish was actually in a hotel or if it was part of his Qui-Gon facade.
*I’m boring you now?*
*Darling, you are the highlight of my day.*
Despite himself, Obi-wan preened a bit at the compliment.
*What hotel are you at?*
Obi-wan was prepared to wait as his catfish pulled up a list of hotels in their city and picked one, but the answer came almost immediately.
*The Grand Pearl*
...Well, his catfish had technically brought up the hotel first so it was possible that he had his story already laid out before hand. Although honestly that would be a bit creepy and well, weird, if that was the case.
However, it would actually make sense if that was where he was as that was one of the only hotels within five miles of Obi-wan… which had been the distance limit on Tinder.
Unsure what to believe Obi-wan decided to think about it later.
*If you’re bored why don’t you go to the cinema? It’s right by there.* In fact, it was where Padme and Anakin probably were at that very moment.
*It’s not the same without someone to go with.*
Obi-wan stared at the screen with indecision. What if despite his catfish pretending to be Qui-Gon he really was just a lonely guy (or girl honestly) who just wanted some company? Although why they couldn’t just make their own profile instead of stealing Qui-Gon Jinn’s Obi-wan really couldn’t say.
*If you tell me your real name I’ll go with you.* Obi-wan tossed out the offer before he could rethink it. Honestly going to a movie with a stranger wasn’t exactly his idea of a good time but… he kind of did want to meet his catfish at this point.
There wasn’t an immediate answer.
Obi-wan waited impatiently for his phone to finally buzz.
*Unfortunately I’ll be lying one way or another no matter what I say. :(*
What did that mean? A bit annoyed with the lack of answer Obi-wan replied.
*How is that?*
*Well, imagine for a moment I really am who I claim to be. If I say I am Qui-Gon, then I am labeled once more as a liar, but if I lie and say I am someone else, well I am a liar indeed.*
Obi-wan rolled his eyes.
*Fine then, send me a pic*
*I’ve been cautioned against sending nudes*
Obi-wan’s eyebrows skyrocketed.
*You’ve been texting me naked.*
He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted the answer to be on that.
*Well no, I am technically in a robe, I just got out of the shower when you messaged me.*
Obi-wan shouldn’t have imagined Qui-Gon Jinn in a bathrobe, but he did so all the same.
*Then that doesn’t count as taking nudes then does it?*
*Not technically, but still rather inappropriate.*
*Well if we’re going to a movie you should probably get dressed.*
*You were serious?*
Suddenly Obi-wan wanted very badly to be the one who caught catfish!Qui-Gon off guard.
Obi-wan stood up and quickly checked himself out in the mirror. Eh, alright. Padme said she liked this shirt on him anyway, something about green. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket even as he left the apartment and started down the steps. He was already at his bike by the time he checked it.
*Changing now, will send picture shortly.*
Obi-wan felt a slow smile curl across his face. He decidedly ignored the butterflies that he wasn’t feeling as he unchained his bike and set off. It wouldn’t take him long to reach the luxury hotel his catfish claimed to be staying at. There was a small cafe on the other side of the street that Padme used to work at (the only reason he really knew the hotel’s name in the first place), it would be just as good of a meeting place as anything…. if his catfish showed up.
It was kind of funny, despite knowing that catfish!Qui-Gon was hardly who he claimed to be, Obi-wan still imagined someone not quite the same, but...similar. He shook his head, he knew that he was going to disappointed one way or another, but it still was so much more exciting than anything Obi-wan had done for years. Also, if he got killed while meeting someone from Tinder he could haunt Anakin about it later.
Obi-wan was almost to the cafe when his phone buzzed a second time. Heart beating quickly (just because of the bike ride, really) he forced himself to wait until he had parked and locked up his transport before he pulled out his phone to look.
He was unaccountably disappointed to see another selfie of Qui-Gon Jinn.
Obi-wan let his hand fall to the side as he looked blankly in front of him. He was being catfished by a catfish, and he still was bloody well falling for it. He felt so stupid.
Well, he was here anyway. He checked the time, Anakin and Padme would probably get out of their movie soon anyway and… Obi-wan didn’t really want to go sit alone in his apartment right then.
Obi-wan went into the cafe and bought a drink and a muffin to eat while he waited. There were plenty of seats available so he chose one that looked away from the windows that looked straight to the hotel.
His phone buzzed again.
Did he really want to look?
Obi-wan picked up his phone and looked at the second message from his catfish.
*You lied.* The words were typed and sent within seconds.
*...Can I still meet you?*
*What’s the point? Pretty sure you won’t show up anyway.*
Obi-wan stared at his phone, still disappointed- more in himself than anything else. He was so gullible.
*I’m in the cafe across the street from your hotel.*
At least, his catfish could have a good laugh. Catfish inception, when the catfish, catfishes within the catfishing. Obi-wan felt a bit miserable, taking a sip of his coffee while he fought the urge to hide his face in his arms.
“Hello.” The voice was low and warm and concerned, and very very familiar.
Obi-wan looked up.
Qui-Gon Jinn was standing next to him.
“Obi-wan?” When no answer was immediately forthcoming Qui-Gon asked, “Do you mind?” He gestured to the chair across from Obi-wan, and with wide-eyed horror Obi-wan hurriedly shook his head, unable to even croak out an answer.
“Are you okay?” No, not really. Qui-Gon Jinn was sitting across from him and there was a good chance that Obi-wan had embarrassed himself far more than Anakin had ever managed.
“Um… any chance that you’re not my catfish?” Obi-wan managed to ask, mostly because he desperately wanted the man to suddenly look confused and leave.
It was not to be. A small smile began growing on Qui-Gon Jinn’s face. “Your catfish?”
It was only afterward that Obi-wan realized what he had said. Several expletives ran through his head. “Well… were you catfishing anyone else?”
There was definitely amusement in Qui-Gon’s expression now. “Does it count as catfishing if I wasn’t actually lying about who I was? I had to look up what that term meant by the way.”
Oh, this was awful, Obi-wan didn’t know if he would ever stop blushing. This was worse than the Catfish inception he had thought of. It was… reverse catfish. ...Or maybe just stupidity on his part.
“I don’t… I don’t understand, why were you…” Obi-wan waved his hand around to somehow convey the craziness that made up Tinder.
“Honestly? I was bored and heard a few friends talking about it. I thought I would just have some fun… until I found you.”
Obi-wan could have died. Here was one of his heroes, (also major crush, but he couldn’t focus on that right now) and he had managed to look like a complete idiot. “Oh… I bet it was pretty funny.” No doubt would make a good story to tell those ‘friends’.
Suddenly Qui-Gon’s hand, warm and soft, was covering his own, and the man himself looking at Obi-wan with concern once more.
“I’ll admit it was at first, but I liked talking to you.” Qui-Gon’s eyes searched his own. “I liked you, Obi-wan… and I rather hoped you would like me as well… once you made sure I wasn’t a serial killer that is.”
Obi-wan let out a small nervous laugh. “You technically still could be you know. Sociopaths make great actors.”
Qui-Gon looked at Obi-wan surprised for a split second before laughing hard. “So far what traits you have given would make nearly half of Hollywood a sociopath.”
“Well, it’s possible.” Obi-wan joked half-heartedly, but Qui-Gon laughed again all the same before making Obi-wan catch his breath by rubbing his thumb across Obi-wan’s knuckles.
“Now, I seem to recall you saying you would go to the cinema with me.”