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Bed Of Roses

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Dear dear Liam,

Hi babe.

I don’t really know how to do these kind of things, but I decided to let my pen write everything I feel…

I still remember the very first day I saw you. I walked into, our now favourite, coffee shop.

You and your girlfriend were sitting near the counter, where Harry was serving.

While I walked in your direction, I was thinking of what I could possibly say to you. Or what I was even doing in the first place? You hadn’t noticed me at all. Ever. Danielle was all that got your attention. So the fact that I suddenly had the courage to do what I was going to do amazed me. (Your eyes aren’t beautiful, they are stunning. They drove me to you, I guess.)

When I neared your table, I said, HI. Nothing more nothing less. A hesitant hi came back from you. So I decided it went well. Though my heart was saying no, no, no, no, no.

I quickly walked away with a deep shade of pink on my cheeks.

I queued up at the coffee machine and then Harry came up to me and asked if I was okay. I think I would’ve died there and then if it wasn’t for Harry. After I paid my coffee and a random cupcake, Harry and I talked. He helped me. I don’t know how, but my confidence rose and rose, the more we talked.

After that, I came back day after day, just to see your eyes, your smile and hear your luscious Wolverhampton accent. 

One day you did notice me. Not the best day of your life probably, but to be honest, it was the best day of my life. Dani broke up with you. In that very coffee shop of course.

You were broken and looked around helplessly for once. When you looked in my direction our eyes connected for a few seconds. I still think that was the moment we fell. It wasn’t that day that you finally went to talk to me, but the day after. You seemed a bit less broken and hurt. We talked, exchanged numbers and our friendship was.. well, born.

Ever since that day, we grew closer and closer. My friend, Niall, became your friend. Your friend, Louis, became my friend. And of course Harry. I love him. He is the reason we ever existed in the first place. Harry became our friend too. 

This group of five young lads, who unconditionally love each other, can do everything. As long as we have each other

I know I’m an awkward person, Liam. And to think that you accept me. That you can still love me. Made me a better person. 

Art was always my way to express myself. Words aren’t my thing. But you make words flow into my head like a melody that keeps replaying. You make me want to use words. Words that I can tell you with, how much you mean to me. Words that I can tell you with, how beautiful you are. And how I can never live without you.

After Lou, Haz, Ni and I caught you singing like an angel in the shower one day, the best thing that could happen, happened. 

Louis signed us all up for the X-Factor. I was scared. Scared to death. My self-consciousness took over and I couldn’t even stand on my feet properly anymore.

Before we had to go on stage and perform for the first time, you held my hand, smiled at me, gave me a kiss on my lips, and said: “I love you Zayn. Will you be my boyfriend?”.

A day I will never ever ever forget, I can tell you. 

Entering the journey of X-Factor as a couple in a boy band was so much more comforting. It kept me strong, Liam. I want to thank you for that. Thank you for making me stronger. 

We didn’t win, but it didn’t matter. Because the five of us were still together. You and I were still together. 

You know, Liam. I can’t understand why life went as it went except for the two of us.

I do understand why we happened. I do.

We. It’s a short word but means the world

We, can stand for you and me. A couple, who love each other endlessly and will never be breakable. Liam, I mean a couple like you and me. We only say I love you when we mean it. Of course we always mean it. But we know we do from the deepest of our hearts.

The way it hurts when you are not with me for a second. Is that true love?Probably.

But I don’t even want to know the definition of true love. I already know what it is, and what it feels like. It feels like you. Every inch of you is mine and that feels good. No. It feels amazing. You are mine, I am yours. We.

And dear Liam, we are known by everyone now. One Direction grew bigger than anyone dared to dream. I sometimes wonder how we managed to stay together.

It was tough at times, but we were too strong to be breakable. We got quite a lot of hate, not everyone accepted our gayness. You didn’t care. Not one bit. And I love you for that.

Seriously, what if you did care? I don’t even want to think of what would’ve happened then…

I love you Liam. I always will.

Ooh yeah, I have to tell you one more thing. I already said that I appreciate you so much for accepting me for who I am. Let me explain. You, Liam James Payne, and I, Zayn Jawaad Malik, are like opposites. I have a bad boy image and you are as innocent as can be. I am super unsocial and you can talk to anyone about anything. I am very very self-conscious and you are very very confident.

I never understood why you would fall for me. For me, you were like a celebrity crush, and then suddenly you fell for me too. I couldn’t even talk normally to you the first time we spoke. I was clumsy, spilling my drink all over my shirt every time you smiled at me. I don’t know… I just don’t understand.

Harry changed me. I know. If it wasn’t for him I would still sit there, in that coffee shop, silently looking at you with admiration. Thank you, Harry. 
Thank you, Niall, Louis, Harry and Liam. For believing in me. For being there for me in the middle of the night. For being my friend. For loving me…

I love you guys.

And Li. You know I will miss you. I love you so much and I always will. I hope you know I will be fine though. Not just yet, but ever. I have them. They are the construction that will keep me up, keep me going. They will make sure I go on. Even though they are broken right now too. We are still there for each other. We will have to. Don’t worry Liam.

I will always love you and never forget how good you are. No one will forget you.

I love you.

Zayn slowly stepped forward and threw his paper with is speech in the open grave. A tear dripped of his nose and landed on Liam’s coffin. He swallowed a loud sob and waved the other three crying boys over.

“Rest in peace Liam.” They chorused and all placed a white rose on top of the coffin. 

Just like Liam had always wanted it…

A bed of roses. Roses that had a beautiful life and became the most beautiful creature, loved by everyone and will always be remembered.Just like Liam.