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I'll Change My Mind

Chapter Text

As if things can't get any worse, Zayn got a huge surprise (and very nearly suffered a heart attack from it, thank you very much) that Sunday, when someone knocked tediously on his front door. Sunday was really a Sunday, indeed. The sun shone brightly against the cloudless white sky, and, coupled with the rather chilly (but definitely not freezing, for a change) wind that marked the start of spring gave off a bright, cheery atmosphere outdoors. It wasn't really hot enough to sear anyone's skin, so Zayn wasn't surprised to see a whole battalion of people outside, enjoying the sun warming up their faces, which hadn't shown it's face like this for a really long time.

He was surprised, however, to see a begrudgingly familiar blonde at his doorstep, turning his almost cheerful day around in a complete 180.

"Hey." He said quietly, not quite meeting Zayn's brown eyes and missing the scathing look the raven-haired boy gave.

"What do you want?" Zayn's voice was cold and hard and everything a welcoming person's voice shouldn't be, and wasn't even happy in the slightest to see his old best friend come back from where he fled off to three years ago because of his terribly insufferable pride. The blonde sighed in disappointment, pursing his lips. A pleading look took over his usually cheerful face (at least, he was always cheerful before that incident), looking at Zayn straight in the eye.

"I just wanted to visit an old friend--" Zayn took a step back and tried to shut the door, but Niall insistently pushed it open with a brute force that clearly outmatched Zayn's. "Please, Zayn hear me out, at least." He ignored how Niall's begging blue eyes were trained on him, which was a hard task in on itself--because who could resist Niall Horan?--and instead replied with a scathing remark, feeling an unfamiliar venom of anger well up in his chest.

"What more is there to be said? I wasn't important enough to you that you just left me with no one to lean on. If that's what old friends do, then I don't think we were even friends in the first place!" Niall flinched at the mockery in Zayn's voice, and the boy knew he had struck a nerve with the way the Irish lad's head lowered in shame, muscles tense and lips pursed, and guilt flared in the midst of all his red-hot anger and pent up disappointment he had bottled up inside him for years. But he relented, because Niall deserved the treatment he's getting from Zayn, and he's not about to forgive him when he could've easily turned his now-miserable life upside-down years ago when he was still in his life. Instead, he chose to flee, and while Zayn didn't know the exact reason behind his actions, he still had the right to despise Niall for it.

"Please, Zayn, hear what I have to say. It was hard enough that I left you because of my own selfish reasons, and I've always wanted to kill myself for leaving you all alone to your father's wrath." Zayn snorted at the blonde's words, but he couldn't help but notice how nonchalant he was when he said that he wanted to kill himself. Brows suddenly drawn together, he looked pointedly at Niall as he continued. He knew there was more to what his ex-friend's going to say than pointless excuses and alleged ordeals, being insufferably pushy and all, so he silently waited for Niall to press on. "You have no idea how guilty I was that I started cutting, but I thought it was for the best at that time--that it would take away all the pain I constantly felt. It turns out my... habit only added to it."

Ah, there it was. Before Zayn even had the chance to speak and voice his admittedly rude yet weirdly sympathetic thoughts, Niall went all fidgety and started talking again. "I went back because I couldn't take it anymore, I need to talk to you, and the thoughts are getting worse, and--" He watched curiously as Niall took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and looked at Zayn. There was something about the way his bright eyes pinned him down that took his breath away, but not in a romantic sense. Whatever Niall has to say, it has to be important, Zayn could feel it. Turns out he couldn't've been more correct.

"I have Schizophrenia."