Spoilers: Sein Und Zeit and Closure
(She had just told him that his mother had killed herself. MULDER turned to SCULLY desperately and held her tightly around her waist and cried. She held him and put her lips against his neck. She rocked him gently.)
It was then that something changed between them. For a long time they denied themselves of the joy to be more than partners and friends.
But lately they had become more and more important to each other. There was trust. They were aware. He could do everything for her. She could bear everything for him. A silent attraction had always been there between them: banned but desired, wanted but rejected. Maybe once they had considered the idea, letting imagination fly away on a life togheter but instead of facing reality and opening themselves up, they didn't talk about it, fearing to regret the dialogue because the other could not feel the same. Nonetheless the events of the last months, the sufferings, the losses had strenghted their relationship, and lead them to something unexpeted. It was clear now that things were evolving, thus fighting those doubts that echoed in their heads and prevent any further action wasn't easy anymore. A feeling so dangerous, they didn't even dare to dream about was infact hatching, buried so deep inside, in a place long forgot in their memories. And there it was until now, dormant but alive, growing slowly but strongly and waiting to find the right moment to explode.
They began to be vulnerable. And this was the night where nature was finally having its best upon rationality.
In that moment of pain while Scully was trying to console him, Mulder took the first step, he needed to fill emptiness and doing so he allowed himself to give them a chance, to lit that fire that was burning inside, of him at least.
He raised his head, her face so close to his that he could feel her warm breath on his skin,
their eyes locked in one another. For some instants, that seemed an eternity, they remained still in the same position, desire mounting inside but unable to decide the next move, pondering the different possibilities and afraid to ruin their lives, to risk everything they had. And for what? For a moment of pleasure? But then it happened. So fast. So Simple. So intense. Passion won. Hearts, minds and souls collided powerfully, and they found themselves caught by seven years of unspoken love. This time instead of running away, Mulder' s shaking hand reached Scully's face, his thumb stroke her cheek while they slowly leaned toward the others; lips met, at first with hesitation, trembling but then braver, demanding for more. The kiss deepened. It was so different from the one on new year's eve. It was a pleasant surprise for both of them to find out that it was only the beginning, that they were both eager for more than that. He heard her gasp. Her hands were entangled in his hair. He was waiting for her to stop him, but she didn't, on the other hand she kissed him back, as fiercely and passionately as he did. They only parted to regain oxygen and he took that opportunity to lower her on the floor; she knew it was up to her to bring them back to their senses, she was the rational one; but she didn't want that. She closed her eyes, savoring the moment, feeling nothing but the touch of his warm hands and lips against her skin. The tension was rising,heating up the air in the room. Her fingers tasted his muscles under the sweater. They knew where this was headed.
But while he was removing her clothes and kissing her neck, she regained consciousness. He wanted to love her and she wanted him so much but she knew that this wasn't the right time for a romance to start. Even if it hurt she needed to stop that wonderful wrong thing. How could it be so unfair something so good and longed? How could she do that? Her mind was yelling at her.
Now or never.
- "Fox…"- She said breathless. His name, his first name, whispered by her in his hears. A novelty. He was so used to his surname, to Mulder, that he found this amazing and thrilling.
-"Fox"- He heard again while he was tracing her pale body with his soft lips. He looked up at her.
He was so hungry of her, but her voice was so broken, so pleading.
- "…. It…. it's not right ….. please"-
Silence. She saw disappointment in his gaze. And – "not… now "– She added smiling at him.
He nodded and placed his head on her belly, on that womb that had refused their child and without looking at her he asked - "Can you stay …. for the night?… please? "– She was so astonished and flattered by his request, by his respect for her, even in that moment of weakness. Even if she had pushed him back, he put her first. But he couldn't let her go, he needed her this night more than ever in the past.
- "Yes. Of course" - She replied gently, caressing his head
- "Can I hold you?" - - "yes" - She said firmly, grabbing his hair to lift his face and let him understand she was sincere. They had just waited 7 years, they could wait a little more. Didn't they? She repeated it to herself. But then he was himself again, the moment lost, hopefully only for now.
He changed his position on the cold floor. He embraced her from behind. Holding her tight to keep themselves warm, hiding his face on her hairs and smelling her scent, he closed his eyes and fall asleep.
One week after having come to a closure with his sister's case and 3 days after having mourn his mother, he found the courage to face the event of that night at his apartment. Without expectation he knocked at Scully's door: he wasn't sure of Scully reaction, if she was ready to explore a new path with him or just forget and continue to be friends, as nothing had ever happened. But she was waiting for him. The sparkling on her eyes when she opened the door told him that she was willing to go on from where they left, this lighted up his fire again and gave him a new strength. With an impetus he barely knew to have, he entered the room, and closed the door behind them. They didn't share a word, they knew each other so well. He pulled her on to his arms and moving toward the bedroom they started kissing.