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his light stopped shining, ours burned in flames

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“No heartbeat guys. Go back outside. A04 left, G29 right, be careful, you don’t know who’s still here.” 

They had been in Afghanistan for almost 12 months now and it seemed as though there wouldn’t be an end, even though this was their last day. A04 and G29 were two groups from the UK which most of the time teamed up, it were mainly young men. You would think that is a weak group, an easy target, but actually they weren’t. It was really once in a while that someone got killed. Allegedly because they had the newest training course, also known as the hardest to complete successfully. The group Zayn was in, was slowly leaving. Zayn wasn’t. He was frozen to the ground and didn’t even bother to think about his own safety. His mate, Louis Tomlinson, just got shot in front of his eyes, and he couldn’t take it.  

“Zayn, come on! Hurry, you can’t stay with him.” Miguel yelled from somewhere he didn’t now. Miguel was the leader of group G29, Zayn’s group.

“Jesus! I’ll come.” Zayn knelt down, and gave Louis a kiss on his head. “I’ll see you whenever it’s time.. I love you so much Louis. I’ll never forget you. Never. I love you.”  He gave him another kiss, and cried on Louis’ shoulder. 
Louis and Zayn had been best friends since they were two years old. They were inseparable, so this made it even harder for Zayn. He couldn’t handle to see him... Dead. Miguel pulled him up by his arm and dragged him outside; into the light. And away from Louis.

“Let me go! Get off of me Miguel!” But Miguel didn’t. “Louis!! I love you, don’t forget me. Wait for me! I can’t live without you." Then they were outside and Zayn broke out in loud sobs and waterfalls streamed out of his eyes, while he sat on his knees, not caring about the world anymore. Not about his life, not about himself. 

“I can’t fucking handle this anymore! I just can’t. Why did he have to die on the last day?! THE LAST FREAKIN DAY! It’s not fair. Why him? I need him!” 

"Zayn, let’s just go home. You need time… It’s ok.” Miguel shushed him.

Zayn looked up when something light like a feather, hit his head softly. It was flying through the wind and stopped just a few meters behind him. Without saying anything to Miguel, he got to his feet and walked over to a little piece of shiny, silver/grey paper. He kneeled and picked it up. It was covered in sand so he blew it away, and was able to read a little handwritten text; ‘Come home safely. I love you so much. I can’t live without you my love.’ When Zayn turned it around he saw young guy, from around his age, maybe a bit younger. The guy had brown, curly hair and a nice smile, which was strangely familiar to Zayn. He knew him, he knew him.

“Who are you?” He thought out loud. “Who are you?” He couldn’t really figure out why this guy was familiar to him. It could be just a guy who he passed one time on the street, but Zayn strangely knew it was more. They must’ve met in real life at least once. 

“Zayn! Let’s go.”

“Oh, yeah I’m coming.” He stored away the picture and made his way over to the group. While he was in the car, on his way to the airport, he wasn’t even thinking about Louis anymore. Finding the picture felt like a new goal. He was supposed to find it in some sort of way. Though he still didn’t know who it was.  

“What has got you like this?” Miguel asked curiously.

“Like what?” Zayn growled.

“Well, just some minutes ago you were crying over.. well, you know. And now you are like, more open, all of a sudden. It looks like something different has gotten your attention.”

“It’s nothing.” It so was, but explaining it won’t  bring up anything, so he wasn’t really bothered to tell Miguel about the picture. 
The next day, their plane landed in London. The soldiers had been gone for 9 months or so. And when they entered the airport it was overloaded with family and friends from everyone.

Not from Zayn though…. Louis was his only friend and the only ‘family’ he had left was his stepfather, who he absolutely hated. Zayn knew there was no one there for him, but he still looked around the slightly familiar-faced crowd, just because it made him feel good to see all these people happy about seeing each other again. 

“Oh shit!” Zayn mumbled as he saw a guy in the distance. He remembered who the guy from the picture was… 
“I just don’t like introducing everyone to my prince.” Louis laughed off. 

“Ahh, come on Lou. I’ll have to meet him sometime! You can’t hide him from me any longer. I’ve created a picture of someone in my head, and I need to know if it’s ridiculous! Plus, I’m beginning to think he doesn’t exist!”

“Yeah, you have a point there… Okay, come with me inside then. But, just for a second. He is coming anytime soon.” Louis opened the front door of his apartment and Zayn followed him inside. Louis had had a boyfriend for 4 years already, but he never wanted Zayn to meet him. And now, it was finally going to happen.. Zayn would meet Louis’ prince..

“LouLou, I’m home!” An, to Zayn, unfamiliar voice came from the door and Louis immediately jumped on his feet and ran towards his boyfriend. Zayn, who nervously sat on the couch, heard some muted voices nearing him. When they walked into the living room Zayn stood up and smiled politely. 

“Uh, Zayn, this is Harry, my boyfriend. Harry, this is Zayn, my best friend.”

“Hi Harry! It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

"Pleasure to meet you too. I know right? Why don’t you ever let me meet your friends Lou?”

Harry said as some kind of joke. “Because, y’know. I don’t get to see you a lot. So when I’m home I want to be with you. But really with you.”

So this must be real love, Zayn thought.
Zayn started running. Running like a wild animal chasing his prey without noticing any other animal around him. He pushed away everyone to finally reach his goal. When he was in front of Harry, he hugged him and started crying. Zayn and Harry didn’t know each other at all, but Zayn couldn’t stop himself from crying to a stranger.

“Zayn?” he whispered. “What’s wrong?”

Zayn let Harry go. “He got shot Harry. He got shot!” Zayn sobbed loudly. “I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I should’ve got shot. Not Louis. God! I hate myself.. Harry I can’t live without him.” 

Harry didn’t say anything. He was unable to talk. His head became heavy and it made him dizzy. Harry slowly made his way through the crowd and found an uncomfortable plastic bench to sit on. 

“Harry? Are you good? What is happening?” 


“Jesus, I’m sorry.. it’s just- I love him too, you know! This is as bad for me as it is for you. Don’t blame me for being emotional now!” Zayn accused Harry.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.. I think we might need each other, let’s not fight. Can you come home with me please? I can’t handle a silent house right now..” Harry nearly begged Zayn.

“I’ll come with you Harry.”



“I just never loved someone more than I loved him. I genuinely think we were meant to be. I’m not even kidding..” Harry took a sip of his, meanwhile, cold coffee. “I- uhh, we- Louis and I were planning to-..” He stopped and winked away some tears.

“What were you planning?”

“To get married..”

Zayn gasped. “That’s- oh god… Harry, it’s all such a mess without him, eh? He sort of, kept mine and your life together. It was like.. a solved puzzle, from which now all its 5000 pieces fell apart.” Zayn explained.

Harry just nodded and smiled slightly at him but tears were still burning behind his eyes.

“Harry? Can I tell you something which may sound creepy or maybe even insane?” 

Harry looked puzzled. “Uuh, you scare me.. But, okay?”

“Well, I saw Lou getting shot. I was 5th in line and Lou was 2nd in our group, G29. The guy before him was Miguel, the leader. Miguel was suddenly out of line, which made Lou be first. That little moment that Miguel wasn’t in line, Louis got shot. It had to be Miguel standing there.. But it wasn’t, it was Louis. Our Louis. We aren’t allowed to get out of line you know? It is rule number one from our group, and Miguel infringed it. Anyway.., after he got shot, the enemy left as quickly as possible because we were a bigger group. Which means they have less chance of surviving.. he probably just shot out of shock, useless self-defense, or something. The place we were in was like, some underground tunneled drain, kind of thing, with water dripping out of the ceiling. When Lou got shot, I screamed so loud I thought it was going to explode in there. I stayed with him as long as I could but then Miguel tore me apart from him.   
Outside, I fell on my knees and cried and cried, till something hit my head. So-, I stood up and picked a little, grey paper from the sandy ground. There was a beautiful text
on the back, and a picture on the front. I saw someone, a guy, which I recognized but couldn’t place him. But finding the photo was like, a sign.. A sign from god, to not give up yet. The whole way home, I thought about the guy from the picture, about who he was. Until I entered the airport, I had no idea. But then I saw you. You were the guy on the picture Harry. It was your card for Louis. And- it feels like.., like I’m still alive for you.” Zayn finished his story with red cheeks and scraped his throat. 

Harry shook his head heavily. “Get. The. Fuck. Out.” 

“Pardon me?”

“GET OUT! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Harry totally lost it. How could he just intrude in Harry’s life and then try to hit on him? No way Harry would fall for that sweet talk. No way in hell.

“But I need to get to know you! I’m serious Harry! It is a sign.”

“Go fuck your signs Zayn! Just get the hell out of my house!” 

After this, Zayn and Harry didn’t speak to each other for like, 9 weeks. They saw each other at Louis’ funeral but they avoided each other the whole day. Since then, they both tried to process everything that had happened in such a short amount of time. Neither of them had their heads sorted out completely just yet, but found a way to pick up their lives just a little again. After the nine weeks they hadn’t seen each other Harry decided to give Zayn a call to thank him and ask how he was doing.

“Hello?” Zayn said monotonous.

“Yeah, hi, Zayn. It’s uh, it’s Harry.. I totally get if you don’t want to talk to me. But I just wanted to hear from you.”

“No, I want to talk to you. I’m not mad or anything, I understand were you came from. How are you Harry? Are you coping?”

“I’m good, by circumstances. I still miss him like hell obviously. But I won’t get him back with crying all day and he wouldn’t even want me to. How about you?” Harry wondered.

“Mm.. same story. I think about him all day. But more in peace. I think about the precious moments we had. The positive, good things, you know. I don’t want to remember him like the last time I saw him. I want to think back and smile at how he was. No more tears and regrets. I am able to live, and he isn’t. So I’ll have to make the best of it right?”  

“I couldn’t agree with you more. He’d want us to live. Not cry over him all day and night. He was such a happy, peaceful person. He probably wouldn’t have been able to handle us that day when you came home. We were such messes.” They both laughed at that. 

“Where do you live Zayn?” 

“I moved to London recently actually! I won’t be a marine anymore. I’ve got a decent job now. I’m the co-owner of a club in the centre of London.”

“Really? Wow, that’s amazing! Congratulations on that.” Harry didn’t sound too convincing.

“Why did you ask Harry?”
“Ooh- well, I- I have to sell mine and Louis’ house before tomorrow. I can’t afford it anymore. I got fired because I was a mess. And now, I’m not making any money and I will be homeless by tomorrow.” 

“God, that sucks mate. I could pick you up if you’d want to? It’s no problem to stay with me. I have enough space and I think you’re a good guy. I like you. I can come this evening if you want?”

“I, uhm… I’m sorry Zayn. It really sounds like I called with ulterior motives now. But I really wasn’t and I didn’t think you’d offer me a home. Thank you so much but, I can’t come right away. I need to sell my house first. And seen as it is a pretty expensive house, I guess I can’t sell it before tomorrow. And then, I have a problem because I will have to rent my house to some random strangers and I will earn a little money with that, but I’ll have to spent that to an apartment or something. Cause I’m not allowed to live in another city if I rent it and..”

“Harry, Harry! I think I know the perfect person for your house.”

“Are you serious??”

“I have this colleagues, Niall and Liam. They just got married and are still living apart from each other. The club also has branches in Doncaster, so.. I have the power to transfer them, so I could do that and take them to your house. I’m sure they will fall in love with the house instantly.”

And exactly this happened. They signed the papers, and Harry was free to go with the money he earned from his beloved house, with so much memories…

Harry moved in with Zayn in London. They hadn’t known each other for long of course, but it felt really comfortable with the other boy around.  Harry tried to offer
Zayn a deal for sharing the rent, but he declined it. “No Harry. It’s my house, my rent and you are just a guest or something. You can live here for free. I’m earning a good salary now and you don’t- so, keep your money.” He was lovely..

“Ooh yeah, Harry! I had an idea.” Zayn shared enthusiastically.

“Tell me.”

“You can work in the club if you want. You’ll have to show what you can to the main-owner first, but I guess that won’t be a problem.”

“Really? But, that’s not fair towards the other solicitants!”

“What other solicitants? I don’t see them anywhere-, do you?”

And like that, Harry had a house, a job, money and best of all, a friend. Zayn.


Since the first day Harry moved in with Zayn, he found himself seeking comfort by Zayn. Zayn was a reliable person. He was always there for Harry even though he had a busy job. Harry loved the support Zayn gave him with anything. Also, Harry was in love with the apartment. It wasn’t anything like the house he had with Louis, but that was a good thing. He entered a new life. Like they say, a new chapter. And Harry was utterly excited about this chapter..

“Babe, I’m home!” Zayn’s voice echoed through the house.

“Hey! I made dinner, it’s your favorite.” 

“Are you serious? Aah!” A girly scream escaped Zayn lips. “You’re a man to my heart.” And he gave Harry a sloppy kiss on his, now, red burning cheek. 

Harry was falling for Zayn. It might be soon, and Harry was completely aware of that too, but he couldn’t break his fall. Nothing stopped him, which was quite frustrating. Something had to happen, or Harry would attack him and kiss his little, tattooed body, up and down, and fuck his tight arse till he wouldn’t be able to walk again the next morning. He still loved Louis, of course he did. But the reason why Zayn was so appealing to him was strong. Too strong to stop the spark between the two to not spark. So maybe they just had to let it be.

“What’s wrong Harry? You’ve been having this little think moments lately. I don’t know what it is, but you’re gaze is like, creepy almost. As if you’re going to hurt someone.”

“Ooh, no- I was just thinking, nothing to worry about.”

“No tell me.” Zayn always wanted to know everything, the curious person he was..

“Oh.. Well-” Let’s just get it out there now Haz, a sweet voice in his head told him. “I was thinking about you.”

“About me? What about me?”

”..Just,- I like you.”

“What is this about Harry? I think I don’t follow you?”
“I think you do Zayn. It actually, is going where you think it’s going.” Harry blushed a deep shade of red and locked his eyes on the ground, as if ashamed.

“So-.. You like me as more than a friend then?”

“Uuh, yeah.” 

“Really? But, what about..”
“Shh… I think it’s ok. I dream about him, some nights. He tells me things about you, about us. What we could mean to each other. How we would fulfill each other. He want us to Zayn. He wants us to be together I guess.”

“Told you it was a sign.” Zayn smirked holding up the card from Harry for Louis back to the days they were soldiers.

“Oh, Just shut up you!”

“Come here handsome. Of course I like you too but I always thought it was too soon. I know it's more than a year ago, but he was the greatest person ever. And I'm glad we can just talk about him, and even about our situation right now. But yeah.. I do love you.” Zayn blinked shyly and it made Harry weak at the knees.

Harry slowly walked forward as if he walked towards a wild animal. Zayn started getting impatient and walked also. When their bodies were pressed to one another Zayn took first step, and kissed Harry’s soft, pink lips. Without hesitation this time, Harry melted into the kiss and moved his hand towards the back of Zayn’s shirt. He softly tugged on the hem, and then pulled it up, over Zayn’s head. Zayn did the same with Harry’s shirt. 

“Have you ever done this before Zayn?” Harry asked between their heated kisses.

“No..” he whispered.

“Do you want to?”

“So bad” he whispered again but now more in Harry’s ear. This seemed to have much effect on Harry, his pants grew tighter and tighter. From then they couldn’t hold themselves anymore. The kisses became more heated, too much tongue, too much saliva, but they didn’t care. They wanted each other. 

Harry and Zayn stripped themselves of while walking to the bedroom. When Zayn was naked, he started stroking himself immediately. “Ooi! Don’t do that! I’m here for your problems.” Harry laughed while grabbing some condoms and lube from the nightstand. 

“Harry the handyman, always there to solve your problems. Got one? Call 0900-683.” Zayn joked. Harry lifted his gaze up. “You’re weird.”

“Thanks.” Zayn pushed Harry on the bed, and crawled over him. Next he started kissing him, first his mouth, then his neck, collarbones, nipples, bellybutton, v-line.. then he just looked at Harry’s cock. Like, hmm what to do with this? Zayn hadn’t given head before, though he received some, and he would really like to see and feel Harry thrust into his mouth because he makes him feel good. Let’s give it a go, he thought.

“You know how to do it?”

“Nope.” Zayn simply said and then bended down to lick his belly. 

Harry groaned already. Zayn licked a little lower this time. Next, he licked the tip of his member. Slowly but firm. He took the tip in his mouth and sucked hard while his tongue made small circles around it. It made Harry moan loudly and arched his back upwards. Zayn looked up at Harry’s face and saw that he had his eyes closed and there was a little smirk or smile across his face. So, Zayn took it in completely and bobbed his head in a fast pace. When he felt Harry thrusting into his mouth, he stopped his fast rhythm and went for a slow pace once again. At this Harry grabbed Zayn’s hair and screamed out his name. When Zayn sucked hard on the tip once again, Harry came with a cry, into Zayn’s mouth. 

Zayn didn’t know, whether to swallow or not. “Should I swallow this?” He asked stupidly with a mouthful of cum. 

“It isn’t really tasteful or anything. You can just spit it out if you want.” Harry laughed a bit at the sight of Zayn, with his sexed up hair and full mouth, looking desperate, but ooh so sexy.

Zayn swallowed. “Urgg, that’s gross! Why would you even want to swallow that?”

“It’s part of it love. Like, if I kiss you now, I taste myself. You know how turned on you get from that?” 

“I hadn’t expected you to be so horny all the time. I just blown you, and you’re already up for more again!” Zayn blamed Harry, without really blaming him for something.
“You make me like that.” Harry defended. And went down on Zayn this time.

A few months later Zayn ran into the house yelling for Harry.

“Harry! Haz! Where are you? Harry!”

“Yeah?” He stuck his head around the kitchen door.

“Have you.. have you heard?!”

“About?” He had no idea where Zayn was so on about.

“About the renovation of this apartment complex?”

“Ooh yeah, but that isn’t really a big deal right? I heard they’ll only renew the outside and the hallway downstairs.”

“Yeah, but they are also giving the apartments numbers, so that the new part will fit at the end of this floor.”


“So..- our apartment will be changed from G to G29..” Zayn explained himself.

“Uuh, ok. I totally get you. That’s such a big deal..” Harry almost sighed.

“It’s G29, Harry!!! Don’t you get it? Louis? The army?”

“Oh my god!” He suddenly gasped as he got the point. “He is with us..”