Kurt: Hey Dad.
Burt: Hey son, how’re you? How’s Blaine?
Kurt: I’m pretty good, dad, Blaine’s hanging in there too. The chemo makes him really sick, but so far so good. How are you and Carole?
Burt: We’re doing good. I have to go back to Washington next week, and was actually going to call you and see about coming in one weekend. Have you talked to Finn?
Kurt: We’d love to see you guys, that would be great! I have. I think things are going okay, he’s been sort of focused on being a good friend and brother lately. I should probably ambush him later with a phone call.
Burt: Sounds like a plan. So how’re things with you besides work and helping Blaine?
Kurt: Actually, that’s why I called. I have some news.
Kurt: Blaine proposed and I said yes! We’re engaged!
Burt: *goes silent in thought*
Kurt: Are you sitting down? You know you’re not supposed to stress out. Dad?
Burt: Kurt stop. *lets out a sigh* Look I know you love Blaine but marriage now, just now… I think it would be a mistake.
Kurt: Look, I know we’re rushing things a little. But this is Blaine. I was ready to marry him years ago. We just don’t want to waste any more time.
Burt: Kurt, listen, I will support you no matter what because I love you and you are my son, but think about this.
Kurt: I don’t know what there is to think about, but I’ll try. I love you, Dad, I just want you to be happy for me.
Burt: Kurt I just want you to think. You didn’t even speak to Blaine while you two were apart. Now after a high school reunion, ten days together, and the news of a cancer diagnosis you are picking up like nothing went wrong. How well do you know Blaine? Do you know about his friends, his job? Does he know anything like that about you?
Kurt: It’s.. okay I have thought about that, and I know there’s some current news we both need to catch up on. But all of that is just on the surface, right? The rest we’ll figure out as we go. I know Blaine and he knows me and we’re in love. And we’re getting married in a couple of weeks and I hope you and Carole will be there.
Burt: What? As in fourteen days?? Have you lost your mind? Hell has Blaine lost his??
Kurt: Yes, Dad, in two weeks. No one has lost their minds! We just don’t want to wait!
Burt: *blows out another breath*
Kurt: Dad, your heart…
Burt: Kurt I just… I’m worried for you.
Kurt: I know, I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight. I know it sounds insane, but… what if this is all the time we have left?
Burt: Then you hold him and love him every night like it’s the last. I just never wanted you to go through what I went through with your mom. I know Blaine’s a fighter and from what Carole tells me testicular cancer is almost always curable, but you can’t just forget that he is sick and you have to prepare yourself for the worst.
Kurt: I know. I am. I’m trying to. But Blaine is everything to me. Neither of us chose this, but it’s what we have to work with. Whatever time we have left, I want to spend it as his husband.
Burt: I understand. I love you Kurt, and I respect that decision.
Kurt: Thank you, Dad. That means a lot to me. I love you too.
Burt: Let me know when you have a date and Carole and I will be there.
Kurt: I will. We’ll make plans to see you both when you come in, okay?
Kurt: Tell Carole I love her too. Bye, Dad.
Burt: I will, bye.
Blaine sighed as he slumped down onto the bathroom floor and looked at the locks of hair in his hand. He couldn’t believe this was already happening. He thought it would take weeks for his hair to fall out, but instead it had just taken days. He pulled his phone out and scrolled through his messages and reality hit. He couldn’t get married now. Not looking like this. He fired off a message to Kurt I need you, no rush, just come home soon please my hair is falling out in clumps, and leaned his head back against the wall and sighed.
Kurt was at his loft looking for his wedding scrapbook when the text came through. Blaine had said not to rush, but Kurt had no choice. He felt Blaine’s distress as if it were his own. In so many ways it was. He left his boxes in the middle of his floor and left. He even told the taxi driver to hurry. It was more than just what Blaine must be feeling though, it was the fact that Kurt had let himself get distracted. Just for a few hours. He’d let himself dream and he felt like an insensitive asshole for not being there when Blaine needed him. Once there, Kurt hurried into the apartment, dropped his things, and called out to Blaine as he moved down the hall. His hands were shaking just enough that he clenched them into fists a couple of times to steady them.
“Bedroom,” Blaine called out as he pulled himself up off the bathroom floor and walked back out to the bedroom. He knew this was going to happen, and he needed to pull himself together. He pulled a towel out of the linen closet and grabbed his trimmers before heading into the hallway, “Hey.”
“Hey,” Kurt said. He saw the towel and the trimmers in Blaine’s hand and stepped forward pulling Blaine into his arms. “Where are we going to do this?” he asked softly when he pulled back. He was doing his best not to notice Blaine’s missing chunks of hair. The fact of the matter was that it wouldn’t matter to Kurt if Blaine never had hair again. That is, Blaine’s looks weren’t a factor in whether or not Kurt loved him and wanted him. Needed him. What did matter was that he knew it was upsetting to Blaine. What upset Blaine, upset Kurt.
“The dining room,” Blaine said as he returned the hug and gave Kurt a half crooked smiled, “I guess the plus side of this is that at least we know the chemo works.” He took Kurt’s hand and pulled him back towards the kitchen before he laid the towel on the table and plugged in the trimmers, “but I’m going to miss your hands in my hair while we wait for it to grow back.”
Kurt followed along with Blaine, hands solidly entwined, to the dining room. ”I suppose I’ll just have to find other things to do with my hands,” Kurt’s voice held just a hint of promise. He pulled out a chair for Blaine and motioned for him to sit down.
“Thanks,” Blaine said as he sat down after pulling his shirt over his head, “maybe two weeks was a bad idea now. I mean I didn’t think I would be completely bald in two weeks. I just…,” Blaine looked at his feet and sighed, “what do you think?”
Kurt bit into his lips, pressing them between his teeth until it hurt. The sharp pain kept him from saying anything too quickly. He’d anticipated this, on the ride back. It’s not like he could blame Blaine. He didn’t. It made sense and they really should wait. But saying any of that out loud was a little scary, because waiting right now, waiting for any reason was scary. Even if it was smart. He took a breath. ”We should probably wait,” he said. Kurt smoothed his hands over Blaine’s shoulders gently as he came to stand behind him.
Blaine looked up turning to face Kurt for a moment as he rubbed his hands over his shoulders. He sighed and touched Kurt’s face. He could see that the excitement was gone from his eyes, and Blaine hated that his issue had taken that light from his eyes, “actually no we aren’t going to.” He dropped his hand, “I’ll just rub bronzer on my head so it won’t shine for pictures.”
“We can’t, Blaine. We should wait.” Kurt was speaking lightly, trying to keep it in perspective. Right now, they both ought to focus on getting Blaine through this, he knew that. He’d known that all along, it’s just that he’d let himself get swept up for a moment in the thrill of becoming Blaine’s husband. ”I can wait. I want to, please,” he said.
Blaine nodded as he listened to Kurt’s words. He was right maybe this right now was for the best. He reached over and took the clippers off the table and handed them to Kurt and sighed, “Okay, we’ll wait. I’m sure that will help any family tension as well.”
Later, Kurt told himself, later he could feel whatever it was he was feeling. Right now he had to be here, in this moment, with Blaine. He took the clippers and gave Blaine a small smile. ”I’m sure it will,” he said. Then he stooped and kissed Blaine. ”Ready?” he asked.
Blaine kissed Kurt back softly and sighed. He knew he was disappointed. Waiting right now for anything wasn’t exactly a good call but at the same time waiting was probably for the best. He ran his hand through his hair one more time and sighed, “Not really, but there’s no turning back now.” He breathed out a long breath as the clippers switched on, “okay. Let’s get this over with.”
“Alright.” Kurt was gentle. He ran his fingers ahead of the clippers so that Blaine’s curls didn’t get caught at any time. It was painful to see the the hair gathering on the floor around the chair, but only because it was such an obvious sign of what Blaine was going through. He was fighting for his life. ”I talked to Dad today,” he said by way of distraction.
Blaine closed his eyes as Kurt’s fingers ran through his hair followed by the hum of the clippers. He couldn’t watch as the locks fell to the ground and gathered at his feet. He had to fight this. He smiled slightly when Kurt mentioned talking to Burt. “How did that go? I’m assuming he yelled a little.”
Kurt tipped Blaine’s head to the side to work around on ear. “He may have raised his voice a couple of times,” Kurt chuckled dryly. He tipped Blaine’s head the other way. “It went surprisingly well, really, though I suspect he’ll be relieved to hear that we’re waiting. He and Carole are heading back to Washington next week so they were wanting to come visit, if you feel up to it.”
Blaine leaned his head to the side as Kurt worked around his ear and sighed, “That’s what I thought,” Blaine chuckled. “Was he really that adamant about us not getting married within the next few weeks? I understand the hesitation but at the same time, waiting now. I dunno.” He dropped his head to the other side, “I’d like that a lot actually. Maybe we can attempt dinner out with them and Cooper.”
“I think he just wants us to be sure we know what we’re getting into,” Kurt said. ”I’m pretty sure he knows what we mean to each other, and he loves you.” Blaine’s head was almost all the way shaved now, Kurt was just going over the parts that weren’t quite even.
Blaine let out a breath as Kurt’s fingers ran against the bare skin on his head and sighed, “I know that I love you and I don’t want to be apart anymore, and I know that all this..” he pointed to the hair, “this is reason enough to get married tomorrow. We should just go and do it legally. We can have a huge perfect ceremony later.”
For just a moment, Kurt was tempted by the offer. But it was just no good. He’d spent all his young life planning out the wedding of his dreams and when he and Blaine got serious he’d fit Blaine into that picture seamlessly. Admittedly Kurt had not thought about marriage all the much since they’d been apart, but that didn’t mean he’d be able to walk into the justice of the peace and get married like it meant nothing. It was important enough to do right. It wasn’t supposed to be a chore, it was supposed to be a celebration. Kurt lifted the towel and began dusting Blaine’s neck and shoulders off. ”I think… when you’re better, when you’re healthy and free from all of this, that would be the perfect time.” He bent down and kissed Blaine’s shoulder. ”Unless you really don’t want to wait,” he whispered.
Blaine looked down at the locks on the floor before looking up to Kurt, “I admit it gives me something to look forward too, and incentive to not give up, but at the same time I don’t want to spend one more day without calling you my husband.” Blaine breathed out again and pulled Kurt onto his lap, “but I will wait for you and for us because I don’t want to take away your dream wedding. I love you.”
Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and buried his face against Blaine’s neck. He was scratchy feeling from the remaining hairs and Kurt knew he needed to shuffle him off to a shower while Kurt cleaned up. He would in a minute, he thought. Then he pulled back and looked at Blaine, their noses almost touching. ”You’re not taking anything from me. I love you. I just want you to be happy. If you tell me that getting married right away will make you happy, then it will make me happy too. I want to be your husband…” Kurt hated the way his words choked off suddenly. He’d been doing so good up till now. He couldn’t say anything else so he kissed Blaine instead.
Blaine sighed and wrapped Kurt tighter in his arm. He moved his arms and cupped Kurt’s cheek as he spoke. He listened to the fact that Kurt wanted him happy and he wanted Kurt happy. He ran his hands down to Kurt’s shoulders as he kissed him back and pressed their foreheads together, “just being with you makes me happy. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Kurt managed. He could feel his face starting to burn with the guilt of putting his own feelings ahead of Blaine’s. A tear slipped out and rolled down his cheek.
Blaine noticed the tear slip down Kurt’s cheek, “hey what’s wrong? Does my bald head scare you?” He joked trying to lighten the tenseness in the room, “tell me.”
Kurt gave Blaine a watery smile, but it fell away as fast as it came. ”No, it’s not that. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, even now.” He didn’t exactly know how to articulate what was going on inside him. It was too big and messy, but he wanted to share with Blaine. They’d promised each other. Kurt’s dad was worried they didn’t know each other any more, but Kurt couldn’t believe that. He wouldn’t purposefully contribute to it either, even if he was so ashamed it hurt. ”I don’t want you to think that I have to have anything fancy to marry you. I don’t want to put that ahead of you,” he admitted quietly. Another tear fell and he wiped at it with the back of his hand.
“Then if it’s not wedding what is it?” Blaine felt like he was watching Kurt fighting an intense emotional battle and he had no idea what it could be about unless it was him or something with him, “I want you to have a dream wedding I don’t want to rush you.” He looked off, “though as horrible as this is going to sound I want to marry you as soon as possible because marrying you is my way of protecting you if I die.”
That was all Kurt could handle. He felt terrible for falling apart like this, after all his hair wasn’t all over the floor, but he couldn’t stave it off any longer. Tears welled up so fast they blinded him. He didn’t sob per se but that was mostly because he almost couldn’t breathe.
Blaine just watched as Kurt fell apart. He probably shouldn’t have said that. He pulled him tightly to his chest and sighed as his own tears fell, “Baby, talk to me please.”
Kurt sniffed and wiped at his face as best he could. ’You can’t do that, you can’t,” he choked the words out. He looked at Blaine, or the bleary outline of Blaine. Blaine with his heart on his sleeve. Blaine who was only thinking of him, even now. Four hours ago Kurt had been on the top of the world thinking of nothing more important that color schemes and how he would look alongside the autumn foliage in Central Park. And now here Blaine was trying to make sure the man he loved was protected in case he died. That was why Kurt was crying, but he didn’t have the words to express it.
“Kurt please breathe,” Blaine got up and grabbed a bottle of water and some more kleenex as Kurt continued to sob. This wasn’t really how he had expected this afternoon to go, and he was almost in tears himself, “here calm down and drink this and talk to me. Like really talk to me.” He pulled him against his chest, “I’m not planning on dying because I’m not giving up that easy, but I’m planning on protecting you forever because it’s always been you. Please baby breathe.”
Kurt took a very ragged breath. His teeth clenched and he swallowed over and over again, trying to gain some control. He’d lost it completely and that was definitely not what he’d wanted to do. ”I’m sorry,” he said eventually. ”I’m just so scared, Blaine. I’m so terrified every day. And I’m sorry I forgot today, and I left you here so I could go look for that stupid scrapbook I have buried in a box back at my apartment. That doesn’t matter. I just want to be with you and not just while we have time, either.” Kurt was trembling but at least he wasn’t crying now.
Blaine nodded as he listened to Kurt talk. He was terrified which was no surprise. Blaine didn’t really know how to respond to that he just pulled him closer. “It’s okay you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I know it’s scary; I’m scared all the time.” He sighed as his eyes darted back over Kurt. “What do you want to do about that then?”
Kurt felt so lost and so small, but Blaine was strong. That was something Kurt had always known. ”I have no idea what’s right, or what would be best,” he admitted. He stepped back and leaned against the table. ”I want some people there,” he said, his voice getting a little bit stronger. ”Finn, Rachel, Dad, and Carole. Your family too, and friends. Whoever can get here in time. Other than that, you’re all I need.”
Blaine watched as Kurt stood up and leaned on the table before telling him he wanted people there. He stood and ran his hand over his head in frustration before pulling Kurt close again and smiling, “We can wait two months. I’ll be done with my second cycle of chemo then. Hopefully some of my crazy hair will have grown back and we can still order matching tuxes or custom suits and book central park. It’s not six months, but it’s not two weeks and rushing either.”
Kurt leaned into Blaine. He hoped this was right, hoped he wasn’t wounding Blaine in some way. It didn’t feel good exactly. It mostly just felt like Kurt’s mind and heart were put through the grinder and he wasn’t entirely sure they’d finished this conversation. He’d thought for sure Blaine was going to say they could do it over the weekend. He closed his eyes and kissed at Blaine’s temple. Maybe he shouldn’t have insisted on people. “Alright,” Kurt agreed softly. “You can go grab a shower if you want, and I’ll clean up in here,” Kurt offered.
“I’ll wait for you,” Blaine whispered as he kissed Kurt’s jaw. The words had dual meaning not only in the wedding conversation, but the shower too. He smiled at Kurt and sighed before grabbing the broom and dustpan. ”And I’ll help clean this up so you can come shower with me and massage my scalp.”
Kurt snagged the broom but smiled softly at Blaine. “Alright, I’ve got the floor. You can have the table and chair and then we’ll shower,” he began sweeping up before Blaine could protest.
Blaine smiled at him before dusting off the loose hair from the table and chair and wiping them down with a few clorox wipes then washing his hands, “I’m ready if you are,” he said as he watched Kurt finish sweeping up the pile of his hair.
He hurried to finish, deciding that a shower with Blaine right now was more important than breaking out the mop. He could do that later. He scooped the hair into the dustpan and dumped it in the trash. “I’m ready,” he said as he stored the broom back away.
“Good, Cooper can mop,” he smirked as he pulled Kurt to him and kissed him softly. “Thanks. I love you.”
“I love you,” Kurt whispered in return.