The last few days have been incredibly long and tiring. I’m on what they call a chemo “holiday” or rest period. I required one blood transfusion, and will find out if I need another one come Monday. So far it’s looking like the cancer is responding to treatment. The tumor markers aren’t as elevated, and I have two more rounds to go before I get sent in for follow up testing.
Rachel has an awards banquet next week, and she invited Kurt and I to attend. I hope I feel up to it. It’s not really an option for me not to, because I want to be there for her and Finn and share in some of the happiness and celebration. I went shopping with her and helped her pick out some dresses. I trust her decision, but at the same time I hope she picks out something I liked because going shopping with her all day was no easy feat.
Kurt and I are doing great. Things are finally starting to calm down for us and settle into a routine. He is officially moving in even though for all intents and purposes he has been living here since we got back from the reunion. I absolutely cannot wait to call him my husband. He is my everything. I can never lose him.
Kurt had a one o’clock meeting with the realtor at his apartment. He felt really lucky to have gotten it on such short notice but it was something about the real estate in his neighborhood being prime or something. They went over how it would all work and afterwards Kurt was left looking at all his stuff and wondering what to do with it. He made a couple of other calls, to movers and a storage unit, and then someone knocked on his door. Kurt wasn’t expecting anyone, but he opened the door anyway and there was Nicki.
Nicki smiled and asked to come in. Apparently he’d overheard that Kurt would be at his apartment today with the realtor. “It’s a shame you have to sell this place,” he said as he stepped into the living room. “But I understand,” he amended.
Kurt slumped against the back of the couch. “Is that what you came to say?” he asked, curtly.
“No…” Nicki said. “It’s not.”
“Really I think whatever it is, you should just say it and then leave. I’m incredibly busy and I wasn’t planning on being here long. In fact,” Kurt stood up off the couch, but Nicki was standing there now, too close for comfort. “I think you should go now.”
Nicki didn’t back down, but his smile slipped a little, then fell. “You were never even going to pretend to be my friend, were you?” he asked Kurt. “I guess I know how little I meant to you all this time,” Nicki bit into his lip, his cheeks going red.
Kurt had been prepared to push past him but now he felt guilty. Obviously the guy was upset. Still he was in Kurt’s space and it was still setting off Kurt’s inner alarm. “Nicki, I’m sorry, but…”
Nicki cut him off. “Don’t be sorry, Kurt! Just be with me! Let me make you happy; I know I could!” Kurt never got another chance to argue because Nicki pressed in and kissed him.
Blaine knew about Kurt’s one o’clock meeting with the realtor. He was amazed that on such short notice he had been able to get a quick appointment. Blaine surprisingly had quite a bit of energy the last fews days. He had a few weeks off from chemo, which thankfully was helping him get out a little more, sleep more soundly, and recuperate some time in the studio, but he knew it was only going to start all over in a few weeks, and he was dreading it.
He’d finished early at the studio, picked up a salad, and decided to try and meet Kurt at his building as a surprise. His cab pulled up in front of Kurt’s building, and he took his time heading upstairs in hopes to give Kurt some time with the realtor and took the elevator. He made his way down the hall to the iron door and knocked twice before opening it. He didn’t see anyone in and he placed the salad containers that he had picked up for Kurt and turned the corner to see him and Nicki kissing.
Blaine suddenly felt sick and his face heated up. “Well I guess all that stuff about him meaning nothing was all just a way to make me feel better? I don’t have the time or energy to deal with this bullshit so when you are done having second thoughts about us and want me for who I am, cancer and all, you know where to find me.” Blaine turned and began to make his way out of loft as his stomach clenched and hot tears began falling down his face.
Kurt shoved at Nicki, hard, and ran to grab Blaine’s arm. “Wait!” he said, desperately. He held tight to Blaine while he turned to Nicki who actually looked a little guilty. Kurt was feeling pretty murderous, though. “You get the hell out of my apartment and don’t you come near me again!” he yelled. Nicki ran out without another word which was just as well because Kurt didn’t trust himself right now at all. He rounded on Blaine, eyes wide and tearing up already. “That was not what it looked like! I didn’t invite him here; I was just about to throw him off when you walked in!” Kurt told him, still clinging to him. He was panicking, he knew, but this was too familiar, only this was worse because Blaine thought he’d caught him red handed.
“Don’t touch me,” Blaine hissed as he jerked from Kurt’s grasp. “Don’t lie to me either. You couldn’t deal with the stress. Of all this…” He yanked the beanie of his head and threw it at the wall. “Just admit that you can’t deal with the drama of this illness; the fact that you might lose me to something beyond my control. Hell better yet why don’t you just admit to being tired of me. The always sick, tired, fucked up boyfriend,” Blaine shouted as he began to pace. “We took vows and exchanged rings, and now this. I hate you right now,” Blaine turned to leave again, “I don’t want you near me. Got it?”
Kurt stood stock still as Blaine pulled away. He could feel the anger rolling off him in waves and it made Kurt sick. He crumpled under the accusations. They were too close to home, he was crumbling under the pressure, but he didn’t want out. He never wanted out. “No,” he argued, but the word was lost under Blaine’s wrath. It didn’t seem like he wasn’t going to get a say any of this though. Blaine had made up his mind; he wasn’t willing to listen. Angry tears began rolling down Kurt’s cheeks. Blaine was leaving. It was happening all over again.
When Blaine’s hand reached the door, something inside Kurt snapped. “No!” he said it much louder this time and he rushed forward, pressing Blaine against the door, trapping him. “I’m not letting you go like this again, do you hear me?” He flipped Blaine around by his shoulders and pinned him to the door once more. The tears were still streaking down his cheeks and Kurt still felt the panic coursing through him. He couldn’t lose Blaine! “There’s no Nicki, Blaine, I swear to you. It’s only you. Only you.”
Blaine felt his chest tighten and his lungs burn as he sucked in more air, but before he could protest Kurt was grabbing him and pinning him against the door. He struggled to get the door before Kurt managed to turn him around and pin him again, and that’s when Blaine saw it. The flash of panic across his face and the look of love, but Kurt was an actor. How much of this was fake? He took a few more deep breathes in before Kurt was looking at him and swearing his love to him, telling him it was only him. He looked down at the ground and sighed. “How do I know it’s only me? Prove it.”
“Blaine,” Kurt could barely get the word out. He didn’t know if it was meant as a plea or question, but it didn’t matter. Blaine wanted proof and that suited Kurt just fine. He reached with one hand and tugged Blaine’s chin so he was forced to look up into Kurt’s eyes. “I am yours,” he whispered and then he dipped his lips to Blaine’s neck, sucking hard. He slotted his thigh between Blaine’s legs and rocked into him, pressing his hips back against the door.
Blaine was still so angry that he was shaking. He wanted out, wanted to turn around and leave and forget that he had just told Kurt to prove he was his, and that’s when his hazel eyes locked on blue and heard his words as his lips trailed down and began to suck his neck. “Fuck,” Blaine groaned as Kurt’s sucked against his neck and rocked into him. “Don’t stop.”
Kurt moaned against Blaine’s neck and bit into the space where his neck met his shoulder, hips rocking forward harder. His pulse roared in his ears and the need to show Blaine once and for all that he was where he wanted to be, where he needed to be, overruled any other thoughts he might have had before. His dick was already straining against the fly of his pants. “I won’t,” he assured Blaine, his voice almost breathless. He dragged his lips up to Blaine and kissed him hard on the mouth. His tongue licked into Blaine’s mouth and claimed it with every fiber of his being behind it.
Blaine wanted to scream now and push Kurt away. Sex didn’t fix everything not this, but it felt so good as his hips rocked into him and pushed him against the wall even more firmly. His heart raced and his throat burned as he cried out when Kurt bit his neck. He was sure it would bruise, but before he could protest Kurt’s lips were back against his and his tongue was swirling in his mouth and his taste and scent were too much. Blaine pulled Kurt to him deepening the kiss while fumbling with Kurt’s jeans. He sliding his hands down and squeezing his ass firmly as he slid the jeans to the ground, “Fuck,” he whined out before crashing their lips together again. “You are mine.”
The fear didn’t disappear, even as Blaine kissed him back, deep and open. They’d only found each other a few weeks ago, but despite everything they were going through, Kurt felt more alive in those weeks than he had for the two years they’d been apart. He’d never force Blaine to stay with him, but he was sure as hell not going to let go without a fight. His hands came up to frame Blaine’s face and tip his head, further deepening the kiss. When Blaine dropped his jeans, Kurt didn’t even bother to try and step out of them. He pressed himself against Blaine and then whined as Blaine told him, he belonged to him. His hands couldn’t undo Blaine’s pants fast enough. He moaned into Blaine’s mouth, hands fumbling and shaking, but eventually he got them undone and he slipped his hands down Blaine’s hips, effectively shoving the pants down.
Blaine pulled Kurt against him and gripped his hips so hard he was sure it would leave marks as he began to rut against him, biting down on his neck. He didn’t care who saw the dark purple mark, and as far as the show was concerned if they could cover tattoos they could cover up a hickey. “Mine,” Blaine whispered harshly against his ear. He knew it was possessive, but he needed Kurt to know to realize that this just wasn’t sex. At this point it was him staking his claim and making him his all over again. “Fuck,” he growled out as he turned them around. He pressed Kurt face first into the wall before slicking his fingers with the lube from his wallet and sliding two of them into Kurt.
“Oh, oh, Blaine,” Blaine’s name was drawn out long as his teeth dug into Kurt’s flesh. Instinctively, Kurt’s hands slid down and gripped at Blaine’s hips, fingers digging in. Kurt was flipped around suddenly, his face pressing into the cold of the door. ‘Fuck, yes,” he whined as he kicked off one shoe and freed his right leg from his jeans so he could spread his legs better. He needed this, needed Blaine filling him up, fucking him deep, and marking him everywhere. He needed Blaine. He wanted to feel him in his blood. Two fingers slid into him without warning and Kurt cried out. It didn’t hurt exactly, but it was intense in a way that had his body drawn up tight and wanting. “Just fuck me Blaine,” he moaned, sticking his ass out as far as he could in this position.
Blaine quickly complied sliding his fingers out and slicking himself with the remaining lube. He quickly positioned himself and pressed into Kurt pausing to give him a moment to adjust as he bit down on his shoulder. They were both still partially clothed and the heat, sweat, need was almost too much. Once he was sure Kurt was adjusted he pulled almost all the way out and thrust back in slamming his hips into the other man’s as he bit into his neck again.
Kurt was panting, straining from the effort to force himself to relax enough for Blaine to fuck him while he was already wound so tight. His hands were flat against the door and he pressed back toward Blaine as he began snapping his hips forward, bruising hard, and he sank his teeth into Kurt again causing him to cry out again and slap his hand against the door. “Harder, fuck, wanna feel it… for days,” Kurt ground the words out between thrusts. His cock bobbed painfully against the door each time Blaine slammed into him, causing his legs to tremble. He was on fire, too hot, too much, and so right all at once.
Blaine continued to slam into Kurt as he cried out and shoved his ass closer to him as he spread his legs. His wife beater was drenched in sweat and his chest ached from the exertion. He needed to move. He slipped out of Kurt and pulled him back towards the chaise lounge and pushed him into it before claiming his lips in a rough kiss as he repositioned himself and pushed back in. His heart was pounding and the only sound was the blood rushing through his ears, “so tight. Come baby.”
Blaine wasn’t at all gentle as he manhandled Kurt back onto the chaise, but that was just fine. Kurt needed it hard and rough. He wanted Blaine’s claim branded into his skin, into his soul. He intended to do the same to Blaine too and when he gave the command, because that’s exactly what it was, Kurt came hard, his aching dick pulsing and untouched and he squeezed down around Blaine as hard as he could, his fingernails raking into Blaine’s shoulders.
Blaine cried out as Kurt came and clenched around him in waves. He tried to breathe but the sudden exertion and overwhelming pleasure pulled his orgasm deep from his belly as he cried out and the room went dark.
Kurt’s arms held Blaine tight as he collapsed over him. He didn’t know when his eyes had filled with tears but he was crying now. They slipped silently down his cheeks just for a moment and then they were gone. Kurt tried to catch his breath or think of anything other than please, please let Blaine stay. Blaine… Blaine was out. His weight crushing Kurt into the chaise and a new panic set in. “Blaine!”
Blaine’s eyes fluttered as he heard Kurt’s panic as his consciousness seemed to slowly come back. He took in a few breathes and hummed, “hmm,” before snuggling back against Kurt and sighing as his eyes closed again.
“Fuck,” Kurt breathed out softly. His hands stroked over Blaine’s back and his body shook just a little as the sudden adrenaline spike dropped off. “Please say something,” Kurt begged.
“Never again. I want him gone.” Blaine whispered, “if a restraining order is necessary I’ll file it.”
Kurt shook a little harder. “I’ll do it,” Kurt whispered. “I’ll do anything, Blaine. I love you. Just tell me what to do, and it’s done.” Kurt’s words ran over each other as he stumbled to get them out.
“Shhh,” Blaine soothed as he felt Kurt shake, “I love you. I can’t trust this situation. Not with our past, and not with him.”
“I said it’s done, Blaine, I will handle it, I don’t know what else to do, please…” Kurt was still holding on to Blaine, tightly, keeping him there, uncertain about what might happen if he let go.
Blaine just nodded as tears pooled in his eyes and he clung to Kurt, “I can’t lose you. I need you so much. I think by now, without you, with all this, I might have given up.” Blaine pulled Kurt tighter, “you’re saving me.”
“I can’t lose you either. I can’t ever lose you. Life without you was never really living. You’re saving me too,” Kurt told him. Then he kissed at Blaine’s cheek, throat tight, tears rising up again.
Blaine closed his eyes and sighed as he wrapped up Kurt tighter in his arms. “I’m not letting you go again at least not without a fight. I promise.”
Kurt sagged, relief washing through him finally. “I’m yours,” he breathed the words against Blaine’s skin, lost in the feeling that they were once again safe.
“You do realize that by morning we are both going to look like we got attacked by vampires right,” Blaine joked as he ran his thumb against the bite marks along Kurt’s neck.
“It was completely worth it I assure you,” he smiled up at Blaine. “Come take a shower with me, and then take me home?”
“Yeah,” Blaine whispered as he lovingly kissed him before standing up and extending his arm to Kurt. Right now he felt like they would make it.