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The Unbearable Hotness of Being

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September 19, part two

Oliver, 10:39: Thea. I’m sorry that this is awkward, but can you stay at Roy’s tonight? -Oliver

Thea, 10:40: OH MY GOD YOU’RE TEXTING WHAT HAPPENED???
Thea, 10:40: And you’re asking me to stay at MY BOYFRIEND’S PLACE!?!!!
Thea, 10:40: please please please tell me why (IT BETTER BE FELICITY-RELATED)

Oliver, 10:41: Felicity is here. -Oliver

Thea, 10:41: YASSSSSSSS!

Oliver, 10:41: She's at our apartment and I want to spend some time with her. -Oliver
Oliver, 10:41: I mean we want to spend some time together. -Oliver

Thea, 10:41:
Thea, 10:41: IMPORTANT: Are either of you wearing clothes right now?

Oliver, 10:42: Thea.

Thea, 10:42: I have her number, I WILL CALL HER DIRECTLY.

Oliver, 10:42: NO, don’t call her, she’s napping.

Thea, 10:42: NAPPING?????????? IN YOUR BED????!!!!!!
Thea, 10:42:

Oliver, 10:42: Thea, would you please stop it with the weird pictures? -Oliver

Thea, 10:43:

Oliver, 10:44: I have no idea what any of that means. -Oliver

Thea, 10:44: Well, Fitzy, why don’t you roll over and ask your future wife to explain emojis.
Thea, 10:44: Also texting. ‘Cause you suck at it. Stop signing your texts.
Thea, 10:44: NOW TELL ME EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT THE SEX.
Thea, 10:44: WAIT -- GROUND RULE: No sex in the public areas of the apartment, right?

Oliver, 10:44: Speedy, I'm not talking about sex with my innocent baby sister.

Thea, 10:44: (I'm not even going to tell you what Roy just said, but I LOL'd. Oh, Ollie...)

Oliver, 10:44: Thea. Will you please just let us have the apartment tonight?

Thea, 10:44: I WILL CONSIDER YOUR REQUEST if you confirm that you've at LEAST kissed her.

Oliver, 10:45: When I went to talk to her earlier, she kissed me.

Thea, 10:45: WHO RUN THE WORLD?

Oliver, 10:45: ...what?

Thea, 10:45: You are HOPELESS at pop culture, but that is a problem for another day. THEN WHAT??

Oliver, 10:45: I invited her over for dinner and it's going really well. REALLY well.
Oliver, 10:45: I need you out of the apartment because it's going so well. Okay?

Thea, 10:45:

Oliver, 10:45: Now will you please stay at Roy’s?

Thea, 10:45: DUH.
Thea, 10:45: Ollie, I love you and I really like Felicity, but there is basically nothing in the entire world that could make me set foot in your sex palace tonight.

Oliver, 10:46: Thea.

Thea, 10:46: I am literally jumping up and down right now. Roy is making faces at me. I DON’T CARE, BECAUSE I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
Thea, 10:46: I'm so proud of you, even if you waited until AFTER SHE KISSED YOU TO ASK HER OUT. Oh, Fitzy.
Thea, 10:46: Serious question: are you scared or are you happy?

Oliver, 10:48: A little scared still, because this feels important.
Oliver, 10:48: But definitely happy.

Thea, 10:48:

Oliver, 10:49: I still don’t know what that means.

Thea, 10:49: I am confident you will learn, big brother. You and your

Oliver, 10:49: Hi, Thea, it's Felicity. Your brother just asked me what an emoji is so I confiscated his phone.
Oliver, 10:49: I can't believe he's been roaming the earth with a perfectly good smartphone and NO IDEA how to use it.
Oliver, 10:49: Is it okay if I borrow him for the rest of the evening? I promise to teach him emojis when I'm done.
Oliver, 10:49: WAIT, no, that wasn't an allusion to DONE like AFTER I SEX HIM UP REAL GOOD kind of done.
Oliver, 10:49: Totally not what I meant to say. (Or type.) Just... metaphorically done.
Oliver, 10:49: I'm not making this any better am I? Oliver's laughing pretty hard.

Thea, 10:50: I adore you, future sister-in-law, but please NEVER so much as mention sex with my brother. UGH. GROSS.
Thea, 10:50: Oh, you should totally ask him why his nickname is Fitzy.

Oliver, 10:50: Wow, he turned bright red. I think he wants his phone back.
Oliver, 10:50: He seems kind of terrified of you and I becoming friends. We should totally get brunch this weekend.
Oliver, 10:50: Your brother's getting grabby about his phone. Bye, Thea!

Thea, 10:50: Bye, dorks!

Oliver, 12:39: Sincerely, Thea, thanks for pushing me. She's worth it.
Oliver, 12:40: Oh, and don't be surprised if Felicity's still here when you get home tomorrow. I'm not eager to let her go.
Oliver, 12:40: (Did I do that emoji thing right?)

THE END