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Days on the Other Side

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Karkat hadn’t even realized something was missing, that there were hazy patches in his recollections. Not that it was his fault; he didn’t have enough time to dwell on the fact that his memories didn’t make much sense.

So forget about realizing that something deeper, more meaningful and crucial was lost.

His only thoughts when he woke that day had been more centered on the idea that all 11 of his hatefriends were alive and there (where else would they be but in their hives? Why did it feel like half of them weren’t supposed to be here? Why did he feel like he was in a too small body?). They had all felt it, something wrong or things that were supposed to be wrong suddenly felt right- It was confusing and Terezi’s weird silence had not helped at all.

Then images poured into his think pan, filling holes that Karkat didn’t realize were there. Feelings that he shouldn’t have been capable of feeling surged in his bloodpusher for pink funny looking aliens he didn’t know, until that moment, existed- Tried not to feel angry and devastated that he had fucking forgotten him.

Karkat didn’t allow himself to think too much after the memories returned.

So much information threatened to overwhelm his pan, so many emotions and experiences-death and love and acceptance and a multitude of things that he couldn’t name. It was so fucking much. How was it possible for a person to feel so much…? How was he supposed to even start…categorizing or comprehend any of this shit?

He couldn’t so he threw himself into Meenah’s crazy upcoming schemes, eagerly accepted the mission to reach Earth (this was his chance, his only fucking chance to find Dave). None of them acknowledged the growls and confusion from their future crew mates (he was pretty sure that Vriska whispered something about the twelve of them taking on the adults no problem if it came to that. Crazy nooksucker.).

He could tell that some of his friends felt no better off than he was. He couldn’t blame them, how was anyone supposed to deal with dead friends suddenly alive again? Or meeting those ends at the hands of friends you never actually thought would hurt you?

Nepeta barely left Equius’s side, afraid that the blue blood might disappear on her.

Eridan grew strangely quiet at times and stayed mostly out of Feferi’s and Sollux’s way (surprisingly).

Terezi seemed okay for the most part, Vriska was never far from her.

Gamzee was, well friendly and sober and not flying into crazy murderous rages. Though he seemed thoughtful at times and he always stared after Tavros (who did his best not to notice).

Aradia seemed unusually cheerful (he wasn’t so sure about this one. She got weird somewhere along the way.)?

And Kanaya kept herself busy. The only other person other than Karkat who was trying desperately not to think about the pulsing ache in her heart. Trying so hard not to give into the sinking horror of forgetting someone so significant. Trying not to lose themselves in memories of winning and losing, planets destroyed and friends dead, a failed universe.

Kanaya understood and Karkat knew that she knew that he understood too. She understood the longing to hold hands thinner than theirs. He understood waking up every day with phantom warmth pulsing gently on their sides. She understood hazy moment’s in-between sleep and wakefulness; low and long winded whispers from Rose. Barely discernible clumsy words muttered into Karkat's neck.

They understood the uncertainty, were they even alive? Would their journey become meaningless if they reached Earth only to find the desperately sought humans gone? They both understood the longing; the need to see and be with them, not wanting to look out the goddam windows and wishing they were there and-

Fuck he missed Dave. He missed his pale lips slipping into a teasing smirk that always made his stomach flutter pleasantly. Missed how his splatter of freckles became noticeable during sloppy make outs. Missed the nervous rambling when he was trying to be romantic and failed but it was so fucking precious-

Kanaya pressed into his shoulder and offered a wobbly tilt of her lips, her eyes a little moist. “It will be alright, you’ll see.” She says voice soft and reassuring, so sure that they’ll accomplish their goal. That there’s no other possibility. And Karkat has never loved her more for it than now.

“We’ll find them and-“

“Nothing else fucking matters.” He finishes for her, as if she could mean anything else but that simple fact. As if anything was more important than finding Rose and Dave or any of their human friends.

At the very least amidst the surges of overwhelming emotions, they could hold onto this piece of hope.