It's the baby monitor that wakes me. My eyes are blurry from sleep and it takes a few moments of furious blinking and a flailing arm over to your side of the bed to realize the full bar of lights is not from our daughter crying out in distress. Sitting up, I reach over to your side of the bed and frown slightly as my hand brushes across cool sheets. With a yawn, I slide my legs to the side of our bed, walking naked to scoop up your discarded robe draped over the handle of your rolling luggage.
Tightening the sash, I step into the dark hallway and bring the collar of the robe to my nose, softly inhaling the familiar scent of your body wash. I already know where I'm going to find you and as I pad barefoot down the hall, I smile at the faint light spilling onto the floor from the open door of the nursery. A few more feet and I feel the instant prick of tears as I lean slowly against the door jamb.
Haloed in the faint soothing blue of a dolphin nightlight, I can see you slightly bent over the crib, one arm resting across the edge and the other moving in a gentle motion as you rub your hand across our sleeping daughter's back. I spot the baby monitor over your shoulder standing guard on the changing table among the wipes and lotions and smile as I hear the reason for my middle of the night wake up call.
I want you to know me, to need me, smile when I call your name.
Your voice sings sweetly and quietly and while I can't see your face, I can hear the smile in your voice. I feel my heart surge with affection, pushing a few tears from my eyes as I listen to you sing to Ava.
You had been so distressed to have to travel back home for your father's retirement party. Not only because Ava and I couldn't travel with you but because you knew your grandmother would be there. It took me a full day to convince you that Ava's ear infection wasn't severe enough that I couldn't take care of her for the couple of days you'd be gone. We both knew your parents wanted us there and even if Ava being unable to fly was a legitimate excuse for both of us to decline, I knew it would mean the world if you made it. You'd scowled the whole time, holding our fussy daughter in your arms, and looked at me pointedly as if to say See?
I'd taken her from you, kissing your cheek, as I went into the nursery to give her the soothing drops. A long half hour later, I'd managed to get her to fall asleep as I rocked in the glider, my lips pressed lightly against her hair. You'd come into the room then, kneeling next to us, resting your chin on the glider arm so you could watch Ava sleeping. I knew that leaving us wasn't the only thing bothering you and I'd cupped your cheek in my hand, my lips pouting at the forlorn look on your face.
Your grandmother still hadn't come around, to you, to us, and more importantly, to our daughter. We'd both held out hope that once Ava was born, your grandmother might finally see and accept the love our little family had between us. That knowing she had a great granddaughter would at least bring her, in some small way, back into your life. The birth announcement we sent to her had been returned unopened and how my heart broke for you that day. I held you while you cried, your sobs muffled against my sweatshirt while our daughter slept in her bassinet. Your parents tried speaking with her but it didn't help and I know they hurt for you too.
Your mom and dad have been amazing to us, even more so since Ava was born. I know grandparents are supposed to dote on their grandchildren but your mom and dad have made it an art form, in their own way trying to make up for your own grandmother's shortcomings. Even though she was going to be there, it was important you were there for your father and so, after some hushed discussion, you'd closed your eyes and nodded. You had turned your head, resting against my knee so I could brush my fingers through your hair as Ava dozed on my chest.
You'd flown out early the next morning, holding tight to Ava and I as we said goodbye in the doorway, the cabbie honking outside. After a few more kisses and I love you's, you'd gone on your way. The next few days were filled with calls talking about your parents and how Ava was feeling and how much you missed us but your grandmother was pointedly never mentioned.
When it was time to come home tonight, you'd arrived later than expected due to a flight delay and I'd already put our daughter to sleep, kissing you in apology as you looked towards her room. I could see the strain and dark circles under your eyes and so it took little convincing to get you showered and into bed, naked and warm and pressed against my side. You'd held on so tight, murmuring sleepy words of love and your relief at being home with us, and I knew that things hadn't gone as well as you had secretly let yourself hope.
I'm brought back into the moment by our daughter shifting in her crib, her sleep made fussy by the last little bit of her ear infection still hanging around. Your voice gets softer as you lean closer to her, soothing her back to sleep.
This love is like mercury, splitting off endlessly every time I try to nail it down
Anything, anywhere, I would give everything I own away.
Always I sing, picturing you singing right back to me.
Unable to help myself, I approach you at the crib and lean against you, resting my cheek against your shoulder so I can watch our daughter with you. I feel your hand come to rest against the fingers I had curled lightly against your bicep and I press a quick kiss to your shoulder, stepping back as you straighten up to face me.
"You're wearing my robe, Britt." Your voice is barely a whisper in the quiet room as you put your hands on my hips and walk me backward out of the nursery.
"You're wearing my robe, Santana. Want to switch?" I whisper back at you as I tug lightly on the pocket, grinning as you swat my hand away. The smile stays on my face as you lace your fingers with mine, turning back to softly shut the door to Ava's room.
The walk back to our room is quiet; our robes landing lightly at the bottom of the bed as we both crawl back under the sheets. Turning on my side, I tuck my body against your back, wrapping my arm around your waist and resting my head on our shared pillow. "San, you want to talk about it?"
Your fingers brush along my forearm before you grab my hand and pull it to rest lightly against your chest, your heartbeat solid against my wrist. "No."
"Baby, you know you can talk to…" My words are cut off as you turn in my arms, pressing a kiss to our joined fist and letting it rest between us.
"I know, Britt. I know. Just…just not now, not tonight, okay?" You reach up and caress my cheek, your palm warm against my skin, as you slowly drag your fingertips down to run back and forth across my collarbones. "I'm just really happy to be home and here with Ava and with you."
"You sound so beautiful when you sing to her, you know." I watch as your eyes follow the path of your fingers, now brushing across the tops of my breasts, your smile absorbing my compliment. "The song sounded familiar…what was it?"
"'Anything, Anywhere' by Melissa Ferrick."
"I like her music." My voice catches as your fingers drift lower, running circles against my tightening nipples. My own hand reaches out to land on your hip, flexing against the skin there as you lean forward and place a slow kiss to the side of my neck.
"Yeah? Do you want me to sing that song to you?"
I slide my hand along your back and wrap your hair around my hand, leaning forward to whisper in your ear. "Actually, I think I'd love to hear your rendition of 'Drive'."
My name is a laugh as you push on my shoulder and slide your leg over mine, sitting up and straddling my waist, letting the sheet fall around your hips. I bring my hands to your thighs, my thumbs massaging softly as I grin up at you.
I find myself licking my lips, the smile sliding off my face in favor of a dual eyebrow raise as I watch you run your hands slowly across your stomach, your fingers lightly cupping your breasts.
"If you want this, you're gonna have to ask. Nicely, please…..yeah, if you want this, you're gonna have to ask me…"
I bite my lip as your hips start making very subtle rocking motions against my stomach, my eyes locked firmly on yours even as my peripheral vision picks up the sight of you brushing your thumbs against your nipples.
"Whatever you want, I'll give it to you slowly. I'll give it to you slowly till you're just begging me to hold you…"
"Santana…" My voice sounds husky even to my own ears and I can't help myself as I reach up, knocking your hands out of the way and replacing them with mine against your breasts, feeling the press of your hard nipples against my palms. "I want you to kiss me."
You lean down with a smirk, your hands bracketing my shoulders as you trap my hands between our bodies. "That's not in the song, Britt." Your lips brush against mine but pull back when I go to lean in for the kiss, your smirk growing wider at my pout.
"Stop teasing me."
"That's not in the song either."
"That's the point of the song."
"Exactly." You sing-song the word and sit back up, rocking your hips a little more against my stomach, your warmth teasing me with just a hint of wetness. Your mouth opens to sing again and just the sight of you causes my pulse to race faster, my body tensing beneath you. Roughly, I grab at your waist, bucking my hips against you, grinning as you moan loudly at the movement.
"That's not in the song, San." I have half a second to enjoy the look on your face before you drag your fingers through my hair, taking my mouth with your kiss, your lips and tongue making my stomach clench in pleasure. I wrap my legs around you and feel your moan as you brush against my wetness, my hands gripping your arms as you rock slowly against me.
Resting your weight on one elbow, you break the kiss and trail your open mouth over my jaw and down my throat, letting your teeth drag across the slope of my shoulder. My hands hold the back of your head, fisting your hair as your other hand presses against my thigh, unhooking my legs from around your waist.
"I missed you, Brittany." Your voice is whisper soft as you tilt your head back to look at me, your nails scratching against my inner thigh, dragging ever closer to where I want you. I watch as your eyes dance around my face, pursing your lips to kiss my thumb as I cup your flushed cheek. I still my anxious movements against you and just let you have this moment; this reconnection that I know is soothing whatever followed you from your visit home.
"I missed you too, honey." I answer you just as softly, wrapping my other arm around your back and pulling you closer to me, my mouth falling open as you answer me with your fingers. Sliding inside me slowly, your eyes flutter closed as you groan low in your throat, your other hand tightening in the pillow next to my head.
I tilt my hips to take you deeper and your eyes flash open, dark and intent on my face, as you move so slowly inside me, my pleasure slicking your fingers and your palm. I pick up your rhythm and meet your slow thrusts with my own, the wet sounds bringing a blush to my cheeks and a smile to yours.
"You are so beautiful like this, Britt. Do you even know how beautiful you are?" Whatever answer I sought to give to your rhetorical question is stifled under the tug of your lips and tongue against my nipple. My hand falls to your shoulder, reveling in the feel of your muscles flexing under my fingertips as you press deeper inside me, my other hand abandoning you to grab helplessly at the mattress.
Your fingers pick up their pace, your body shifting over mine as you place a final kiss against my chest, choosing instead to press kisses along my jaw, nudging my head further back so you can bite against my throat.
"Santana, don't…mark me. I have to teach…class in the morning. Baby…" My voice is rushed and breathless as I feel you sucking on the skin below my ear. You stop and instead lean up so you can watch me, your hips pressing against your hand now, curling your fingers and rolling your body against me. Your thumb brushes forward and steals my breath, my legs parting even wider as I press both hands against the mattress.
Your groan sounds close to my ear as your thumb starts pressing down harder, the pleasure building inside me quicker than my breath can keep up. "I can feel you getting tighter…I know you're close."
"Santana, yes…please." My eyes are closed tight as the only thing I can concentrate on is the feel of your fingers, and your body, and your tongue licking at the sweat against my neck and like a rubber band snapping, I come to the sound of your soft curse as you feel me flutter against your fingers.
My arms find their way around your shoulders as I press you close to me, my mouth open and panting as you slowly bring me down, finally resting your hand against my hip. Licking my dry lips, I tilt my head over, humming into a kiss as your tongue strokes against mine. Reaching down, I grab the hand resting on my hip and bring it to our mouths, breaking the kiss to press your fingertips against my lips, spreading my wetness there. I feel your stomach muscles tighten where you are resting against me as you surge up and take back the kiss, both of us moaning at the taste of my wetness shared between us. I can feel your hips rocking against me and I know it's not going to take much to bring you over.
Reaching down, I slide my hand between our bellies, curving my fingers up and sliding into you without preamble, watching as you rock your hips down hard against the pressure. Your hair is falling over your one shoulder as you prop yourself up a bit, your other hand spread wide against my ribs for support. You look down and watch as my fingers move inside you and the sight of you watching yourself causes a sympathetic clench between my own legs.
I bring my hand to your breast, palming the soft skin and pinching your nipple just enough to get your attention. Your breathy moans brush against my skin as you turn to face me, your eyes half-lidded in pleasure. "Come for me, Santana." My words bring a rush of wetness and I know it's not much longer now.
You angle your hips a little lower so you're pressing even harder against my palm and you get as far as saying my name before your hips lock and tremble against your release, your body falling against me, your breath panting across my shoulder. Your hips keep moving slowly and despite the awkward press of your body against my wrist, I keep the connection, biting my lip as I feel the aftershocks pulsing against my hand.
After a few moments, you lift up so I can move my hand, my head turning to you follow as you flop over onto your back next to me. You turn to look at me and I realize we're both grinning at each other like idiots. Rolling over onto my side, I curve my hand against your ribs and press a kiss to your shoulder. "Hi."
"Fancy meeting you here." I say, in what must be the worst English accent ever, as you crack up laughing next to me. Turning your body towards me, you lean over and place a kiss on my nose and then a softer, lingering kiss against my lips. "I'm glad you're home, San."
"Me too, Britt." You turn over onto your stomach and snuggle closer against me as I reach down and pull the sheet over us, draping an arm across your lower back. "You know, we really should wash up or shower or something."
Looking back over my shoulder, I take a glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand. Shaking my head, I cuddle closer to you and kiss your cheek. "I've got to get up with Ava in a couple of hours anyway. Let's just stay here and sleep for a little bit. I'm too comfortable to move and you smell really good."
"Britt, I smell like sex." You laugh but make no move to get up and instead let out a sigh and close your eyes, your muscles relaxing against my arm.
"You smell like us. Which okay, smells like sex right now, but I like the way we smell and it's been 3 days since you've been here. So I want to keep smelling you because…" My rambling is cut off with a kiss and another soft sigh as you put your head back on the pillow.
"Okay, baby." Cracking one eye open briefly, you smile up at me. "We can sleep now. I love you, you know."
Kissing your dimple, I settle further into the pillow and rub my hand slowly along your back. "I know, San. I love you too." I watch you for a few minutes as your breathing evens out, your mouth parting slowly as you drift off into sleep.
I keep up the gentle circles on your back, the motion second nature after all the nights of soothing Ava to sleep. It feels good to have you home, the thought of Ava's gummy smile when she sees you in the morning bringing a smile to my face. I know seeing her will ease some of whatever happened while you were back home with your parents and I know that we're going to have to sit down and talk about it soon. But for right now, our daughter is asleep in her crib and you're here, sleeping in my arms. Closing my eyes, I allow myself to fall asleep to the rhythm of you breathing softly next to me, the sweetest song you could sing.