“I want to have a baby” He whispered, breaking the confutable silence filling the bedroom after your rigorous activities. Kylo had his head resting over your stomach. His huge form crushing you lightly, careful not to press you too hard to the mattress. Your hands running tiredly trough his black hair.
“What?”. You heard him, but you had nearly fell sleep and for a second you doubt he’d spoken. Opening one eye you grazed over him, his stare firm to you.
“With you… I’d like you to be the mother of my child”. The emotion accompanying his words was overwhelming. He meant every one of them and hoped you received the message. Kylo has always been bad with feelings, but you’ve been very patient and kind with him. He loved you for that, such a gentle heart, and it loved him as much as he did.
A soft and lazy smile reached your features, your eyes now directed to the ceiling. “Right, I’d quit my job, we can move to the country, buy a small house and you’ll earn money selling vegetables we grow on our back yard” You dismissed his idea by simple tease, but when you looked at him, expecting to find a smirk on his lips and mock the suggestion along with you, you didn’t. What you found was brown eyes filled with hope, love and a bit of hurt, thanks to your taunt. “Oh. You are being serious”.
“What’s wrong with that?”. Kylo took offense of your playful statement. It has been an idea growing inside his head for a time now and when he found himself fond to the image of you, caring a part of him, it warmed his heart in a way he never thought it could be possible.
“'What’s wrong…?' Oh dear God. Where do I start Kylo?” You frowned at him, irritated. Fatigue was rocking you to sleep so deliciously and he had disrupted it. But what annoyed you more was the fact you had imagined such a life too. A simple life with Kylo, to be able to brag to the whole world he was yours and you were his. Your heart ached with sorrow. “It’s not that simple”.
“Yes it is, if you let it be simple, it can be”. You pushed him off you and sit on the bed, pulling the sheets over your naked chest. You scoffed, shaking your head. It’s took you some time come to terms with yourself regarding your relationship, you’ve come to accept it as it was and erased any hope for a deeper bond from your heart. It angered you he allowed himself to do it, to dream while you couldn’t.
“Come on Kylo, you know we can’t. It’s complicated as it is already” He raised too, tension now falling over his shoulders.
“I just meant for us to be part of each other's life forever”. His justification did nothing but light your annoyance more.
“Don’t do that”. You turned your back to him at this point, tears finding their way to your eyes. “We have a life here, you have responsibilities as I do” You’ve met him two years ago. Kylo was the Starkiller Co. CEO, you had found a job there after you graduated from collage and even if you didn’t work directly for him, you saw each other often. Meetings, work parties, staying late at the office, they allowed you to know him better and with time, you fell for him, and it was the same for him. It always amazed you how much he had accomplished at such a young age. “Your wife…”
“She has nothing to do with this, with you”. He interrupted you. Never had any of you mention her in you relationship, silently agreeing of keeping the secret exclusively for the two of you. “I was young, and a marriage of convenience was the option to get to the top”. Kylo was not the first, and surely won’t be the last to use marriage as a catapult. They’ve been married for five years, not children yet. Everyone was evident to that fact, excusing it thanks to Kylo’s temperament, they believed Jane, his wife, refused to let her child be raised by a short-temperamented and cold man. When it fact, it was the other way around.
“I knew what I was getting into the night I allowed you to take me home”. You weren’t innocent in this. His wife was no mystery to you. Your morals had always been firm, it was a wonder how you allowed this. “I’ve already broken too many rules with you”
“Then say yes. We’ll have this to connect us more” He sat next to you, hid his face in point your shoulder met your neck and wrapped his arm around your waist. Kylo took a deep breath. “I love you” he added. Only once he’s told you this before, you knew of course, but he rarely said the words and they made your heart melt with sentiment. A single tear rolled down your cheek and you wiped it quickly, breathing deeply to calm the emotion.
“Oh Kylo, you know I love you too”. You meant it. You always did every time you spoke the words. “But you are asking too much from me. I’d have to give up my life, my heart and soul and I’d gladly do, but all you can offer me now are empty promises”
“I can give you my heart” He cried quickly. “You already have it”. Oh how you wished for it. Be selfish. you said to yourself. After all you’ve been trough, you deserve a little bit of happiness, you want it. The freedom to love him was the only wish inside you, you wanted no more that to walk dow the street with him by your side, hand in hand, you longed for him to kiss you without holding back in public, not to wait until everyone’s attention was away so you can graze at him.
“I know” you claimed, not knowing what else could be said. “I know love”. You kissed him hard and slowly, transmitting your desire trough the kiss. He cupped your face and deepened it.
Kylo knew your answer even before he formulated the question, but he gave himself the approval to ask you. He craved for you so much, you were his entire world, the reason he did his job better, why he stayed late at work. He wished he could be free to love you as you deserved it, but he wasn’t. His greed for power had took the only opportunity to have a happy normal life.
And for now, he’d treasure this, for now, it’d be enough.