“It’s gonna be fine Matty. Just remember what I said” Matt nodded, his voice trapped inside him due the nervousness his mind built for him. Ben spoke like it was all too easy, like Matt had his ‘social abilities’ and speeches were an easy task for him. Oh how different Matt was from his brothers, specially Ben. “Stay calm, keep eye contact, you do the talking. When she’s completely hypnotized by you, take her hands and then the grand final. You kiss her like nobody has ever kissed her before. It’s not that hard”
“Talk for yourself” Matt whispered. Ben’s conquers history was huge, immense. He’s practically been with every girl he knows, except you, of course.
You two met when Kylo introduced you to his brothers. No wasting any time, Ben flirted and tried to win your heart. He couldn’t help it, it was in his blood. Kylo warned you of him obviously, his brother was unable to keep it in his pants for more than two days, but he was family, and you loved them no matter what.
Being informed beforehand helped you prepare yourself for any kind of scenario. You weren’t flirted with quite often, but you could tell Ben was a playboy, and you treated him as such. You followed his flattery, laughed at his bad jokes, teased him from time to time, but you knew no harm was intended. Even though, the compliments cheered up your heart and ego.
Kylo mentioned Matt once, but the word he used to describe him was 'inoffensive'. You didn’t pay much attention, until you met him.
He wasn’t as built up as his brothers, his hair was bleached and a pair of glasses framed his face in the prettiest way a man could aspire to. He was shy and careful with his words, only spoke when it was necessary or his opinion was required. He was polite and always opened the door for you to walk ahead him. It charmed you instantly, and as time passed, you found your heart melted by his quiet actions.
Only God knows how Matt gathered the courage necessary to ask you out. He was blushing, stuttering and kept his eyes on the floor. He tried, and fail, to ask you twice before succeeding, and it became a hobby of you to make him nervous. Matt could be so adorable, too much for his own good.
Months passed and the relationship became stronger with each day, you couldn’t be happier, but with Matt’s shyness came his insecurities as well. Everybody has them, but his were specially harsh. His two brothers were a constant reminding of what he lacked, not only physically, but occupationally too. Kylo had his own lawyers firm, Ben opened his second art gallery, and Matt, well Matt repaired computers. No one ever said it directly, but he knew, they judge him secretly. So he judged himself as well.
All of this brings us to that day. That morning you were supposed to enjoy a nice breakfast with your boyfriend, the past week has been particularly busy, and you thanked the little time you could get alone with Matt. The small restaurant was full, couples and family gather to spend a cozy meal and the pancakes were the best on the city.
“Ah, I’m so full. These place is the best” you priced the food as you took a strawberry left untouched from Matt’s plate. He’s been awfully quiet today. “Oh, by the way honey. I have to cancel Saturday night.” Matt’s reaction was instantaneous, he raised his eyes to stare at you, brows frowned.
“Mitaka asked for help with his project again. You know, he’s the new guy, everything needs to be ready and set for monday and Kylo asked me as a favor.” Finishing your coffee you set the cup down on the table.
“Kylo? So you are going to work on your free day, the third time in a row may I add, because Kylo asked you to?.” It was so strange to hear him like this, Matt getting upset was a rare thing, he preferred peace over war everyday, except for today it seems.
“No, it’s because it's work. We need to do our part, it’s an important case.”
“So what I do and my time are not important? I’m the dispensable one? No important job so I get your spare time?.” His voice tone raised up and the family sitting behind him turned their attention to you.
“Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. My work has never been an issue before, where is this coming from?”
“You know what, maybe it’s always been an ‘issue’. Maybe the problem is that I’m not good enough for you and now you feel trapped and don’t know how to end this without making a fuss.” Your argument got out of hands, the whole dinning attentive of the lover’s quarrel.
“You’re the one making a fuss Matt, keep your voice down, we can talk about this later when you’re calm”
“You calm down!” Matt yelled, acting like a little child. “I’ve said what I think, you believe yourself way too good for me and, like a benevolent goddess, stayed with me enough time to have some fun only to despatch me the moment I wasn’t needed.” To say his words didn’t hurt you would be a lie. You knew he’s been feeling down from some time now, but he was very apprehensive with his feelings it was hard for you to read him. “I’m leaving” Matt got up before you had the chance to digest the events.
The revelation stuck your hear, leaving you wordless. First you felt anger, then indignation, only to be washed over with the realization Matt had been, at some point, right. Not in the fact you didn’t want him, or you being ‘too good for him’, but because, if he had reacted such way, he’s been feeling down longer than you thought and felt the need to keep it for himself. He didn’t trust you with his heart and it hurts, but most of all, it ashamed you. Not knowing your boyfriend needed you the most, letting matters get out of control and driving him to the edge, it hurt you.
Matt regretted the conversation the moment he stepped out of the restaurant, but his choleric heart and pride prevent him from turning back and beg for your forgiveness. Shit. He messed up, big time, and may as well tore your relationship beyond repair.
The day passed, then another day, and without knowing, saturday came, and today, Matt saw himself as the asshole who yelled at his girlfriend in public. Damn him and his personality. Why couldn’t he be more confident like Ben?, More intelligent like Kylo? More handsome? Better?.
Desperate, Matt sought Ben’s advice. He was the nearest person he could open up. Of course, he told him to be brave, to act like a man, suck it up and apologize, in Ben’s way of course. Oh this was such a bad idea. But what the hell, this was about you and not him, and if Ben’s flirts worked on every woman he passed, maybe this one will work for you enough to forgive him.
Get in, talk, kiss. Get in, talk, kiss. Get in, talk, kiss. It was an easy plan, three steps. He could do it. Just remember what Ben said, relax.
He knew you were at the office. It all went downhill the moment he set his eyes on you. A lazy bun picking up your hair, annoyed expression on your face, wearing the skirt you ‘hated’ as you had said once, probably ran out of clean clothes as usual from you. His heart filled with nostalgic memories, your smiles, the feeling he gets every time you take his hand, when you kiss. God, it was too much for him. He missed you more than he could bare, it drove him crazy to be apart from you these days.
You were playing with a pencil on your right hand, looking down at a paper set on your desk, focussing on your task, completely oblivious of the tall man that just entered your office, drawing along your associate’s attention. With long steps Matt wasted no time to stand before you. Feeling a presence near, you stood up when Matt’s eyes fell on yours.
“Matt? What the hell are you…?”
Surprise wasn’t enough to call the emotion woken in you the moment Matt’s powerful lips dropped on yours. His kissed petrified you, in a good way. Oh how have you longed for this, for his touch, his closeness, his warm body covering yours. Automatically, pencil falling to the floor, you grabbed the back of his neck to draw him closer, not letting him escape you ever again. His hands were cupping your face but one fell over your waist.
Matt broke the kiss leaving you both breathless, still it didn’t stop his speech. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said those horrible things. I’ve been having a difficult time at work and I know it’s not excuse to yell at you and... and, I was a fool and an idiot. I’m really sorry for what I said. You are the best thing in my life and I should tell you more often but, these constant dreams where you leave for someone better frighten me. Because you do deserve better and I’m trying to be that man for you but it’s so hard and I love you so much I can’t live without you I just…”
Matt froze when he realized he said the “L” word. You haven’t told him yet, and he was waiting for you to be sure and confutable to do it, but now it slipped from his lips so easily. He saw your wide eyes, chest expanding with deep breaths. Fuck me. He’s done it again, he fucked up.
“I… I just. I didn’t want to… I mean, of course I wanted to .. I just, I’m…”
“Matt” your calm voice shut him up, fear was his only companion now. “I think we should talk outside” Shit, fuck, shit, damn it, fuck, shit. He really fucked up now. He said he loved you and you didn’t, now that his heart was revealed, Matt felt more vulnerable. Damn Ben and his plans, curse him.
“I fucked up again, didn’t I?. Shit, I’m sorry, I know what you’re going to say, there’s no need”
“I know I just, please don’t say it” Matt dropped his hands from you and covered his face in shame. The audience behind him waiting for more drama annoyed you to no end.
“Matt, calm down and listen. If you could just come with me to…”
“Spare me the shame please. Just, do it quickly, I know I stepped over, I messed up, I just…”
“Matthew Solo, listen to me!” You never used his full name, so he did as commanded but his sight kept off you, glued to the wall. “As a matter of fact. I wanted to apologize as well”
“Yes” you sighed. "I’m your girlfriend, I should have noticed something was bothering you. Work kept me busy and I leaned on your calm behavior. Of course I’m mad you yelled at me, I’m pissed off, you are going to pay for that, but I can’t pretend I have no fault in this”
Matt felt a big weight felt his shoulders. He’s been beating himself over for this too long and now that he could be honest with you, it felt like rebirth.
“I’m sorry I yelled and caused you trouble. I’ll make it up to you, I swear. That is if…” He swallowed a knot forming in his throat. “If you still want me to.” You smiled, your Matt showing up in front of you. Kind and sweet, blushing to no end, fist clenched at his sides waiting for verdict. There was no doubt he makes you the happiest you’ve ever been.
“Of course I love you too you big idiot. Why do you think I was so mad?” And as quickly as he had been, you kissed him, deep and cheerful.
Whistles came from behind him, remembering the situation you were in, this time you broke the kiss. Some of the people clapped and one just shouted ‘yeah, get it boy’ to you making the blond man blush hard. Matt cleared his throat and raised his hand letting them know the drama’s ended. You laughed like a pair of dorks, wrapping your arms around him you buried your face on his chest.
“If it’s quite alright with you.” Kylo’s voice broke the moment. “I’d like to have my co-worker back before lunch time Matty, thank you very much” Kylo flashed you a smirk and left to his own desk.
Oh well, you’ll have to leave the make up sex for later tonight.