Work Text:
cantfeelmyFEET:
Somebody is finally cleaning up that shithole next to my house. New neighbors? Imma take some cookies later, that's neighborly to do?
cantfeelmyFEET:
Yep, neighbors. It's a group of three, idk but i think two are siblings, but i didn't ask. They loved the cookies, so win
cantfeelmyFEET:
Not siblings, NOT SIBLINGS, THEY’RE MAKING OUT ON THEir PORCH
THE GIRL IS IN THE BLONDES LAP WITH HER BOOBS NEAR HIS FACE AND SHE’S KISSING THE FUCK OUT OF THE OTHER GUY, BLONDE IS RED AS A TOMATO
ABORT ABORT
cantfeelmyFEET:
Update: it's a polyamorous couple, so that explains a lot, good for them not sure i’m getting over seeing that hot mess on the porch before the blonde managed
to get everybody inside
cantfeelmyFEET:
The neighbor (male burnette) JUST fucKING JUMPED OFF THE ROOF AND the girl CAUGHT HIM
HE WAS FIXING THE ROOF, AND THEN HE WAS DONE SO HE JUST WENT ‘HEY BABE! CATCH ME!” AND JUMPED AND SHE CAUGHT HIM I THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA DIE
SHE JUST CAUGHT HIM LIKE IT WAS NBD
And he WAS JUST LIKE ‘THANKS DOLL’.
What THE FUCK
cantfeelmyFEET:
hey, the house looks really good now. Guess it really was cosmetic stuff. The paint makes it look a lot better the neighbors painted it white and blue, navy blue.
The red furniture and flowers make it kinda looks like a really blue american flag tho
cantfeelmyFEET:
Ok guys, you know the neighbors i mentioned a while ago, right? The poly couple?
We’ll theres prob more to them than what i thought, they’re weird AF.
A big ass trampoline arrived yesterday and They don’t even have kids. the dudes r playing on it. Grown ass men on a fucking trampoline.
Those adults are having a goddamn blast
i think all three are eating lunch on it right now too. Relationship goals.
cantfeelmyFEET:
Update: they’re building something on the roof of their house, idk what
cantfeelmyFEET:
I found out what the neighbors were building
So here's what happened:
A couple of my friends and i were playing soccer outside and the ball went over the fence into the neighbor's yards. Right?
Well, i go over and am just about to pick up the ball and a fucking nerf dart hits me square in the forehead
I am clearly startled and jump like a million feet in the air. Looking up, I see the one with only one arm with a nerf rifle in his brand new sniper nest .
He does the ‘im watchin you’ motion and I get TF out of there cuz what the hell
Just as i get over i see the blonde one bring out a tray of food and go up the ladder on the side of the house and give the dude lunch
They are so fucking weird
cantfeelmyFEET:
The funniest shit just happened i stg
I went outside to get my mail and kinda watched the poly neighbors be weird for a min
So the two dudes were having a water war, water balloons, super soakers, whole fucking nine yards.
Then they ran around the side of the house with the super soakers, started spraying each other and swearing vengeance and shit, laughing
They look so goddamn happy, ( relationship goals)
But Then
They got the girls feet and/or legs wet. She was reading on the porch, sun glasses, iced tea, barefoot, sun dress and everything, chill af
The men just
Freeze very suddenly, like deer caught in headlights
the girl looks up, reached down to the side of her chair very slowly as the men start to back away, and then
She blasts em both in the face with a goddamned superpowered hose
It knocks them off their feet and they both fall over and just kinda lay in the grass like she killed em
I started fucking laughing i couldn’t help it, what the hell
She looked over and smiled at me, pleased af, no lie, i was a little scared
cantfeelmyFEET:
They had a nerf battle all down the street,
hundreds of rounds of styrofoam are on the street right now, bunches of guns scattered about, and a crate full of those darts was at their door
Apparently, a friend had sent it
Anyway, a bunch of kids joined in at some point and all i could do was kinda watch in horror as the street was filled with darts
Never ever give war vets nerf guns they take it way too seriously
cantfeelmyFEET:
It's the fourth of july and one of em’s birthday. They had a cookout and now they’re watching fireworks from the sniper nest. I think i see sparklers and maybe a cake
They have friends over too, im pretty sure one of em is pepper potts.
cantfeelmyFEET:
Update: iron man arrived with something
Now i'm confused. Why is iron man and pepper potts chilling with
Oh, oh shit
Oh Shit wtf
omg help i think i'm dying
cantfeelmyfeet:
I have calmed down after screaming into my pillow, apparently my neighbors are the famous trio of captain america the winter soldier and agent carter. the original ot3
They had a water war
Peggy carter sprayed them with a hose so hard they fell over and chose to lay down for a while
Bucky Barnes shot me with a nerf dart and jumped off the roof of his house into carters arms
They're fucking NERDS FrOM THE 40’S
I'm so ANGRY rn i don't even know why!?
cantfeelmyFEET:
Ok apparently I got 2357 more follows from that, so thanks
Also, i'm not telling u where i/they live because that's an invasion of privacy and not cool man
cantfeelmyFEET:
Half of those new follows unfollowed me, well
EXCUSE ME FOR BEING A DECENT HUMAN BEING. GODDAMN RIGHT I DON’T WANT YOU TO FOLLOW ME IF UR TRYING TO INVADE OTHER PEOPLE'S PRIVACY
cantfeelmyFEET:
Apparently i’ve gone viral and it concerns me a lot, but Captain America came over to thank me so i’m pretty chill rn except i'm internally dying because
omg he shook my hand. Peggy carter smiled at me and i'm honestly surprised i didn’t pass out
If i wasn't gay before i woulda been at that point she is the most amazing thing i've ever looked at
Bucky barnes promised not to shoot me again i'm counting today as a win