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A Balanced Soul

Chapter Text

You were young. You were powerful, and the lot of the people on the base respected you. Just like he did.






Almost everyone on the base, whichever you were on at the moment, would make a point to come watch one of your training sessions. You had always been used to fighting for a crowd, this was no different.



The poor idiot who had challenged you today was just that, a poor idiot. You almost held sympathy for the man… almost. You had a predilection for using classic weaponry against your opponent’s, enjoying the pride that came with being skillful with any weapon. Today, you had your battle axe, heavy and dangerously sharp to the point it would cut through any type of armor that dared challenge you. The poor idiot picked to challenge you on the wrong day, maybe with a blaster, he had a chance, but not with your axe.



You spun the weapon in hand, sizing him up. He had height as an advantage for sure, but you had him in strength and speed. You tossed the weapon into the air, not expecting him to become distracted so easily, yet you already had a wide opening. You caught your axe and began to move fast, it seemed you suddenly appeared in front of him, your movement with your axe was just as fast. When you stepped away you watched him come forward, bit by bit his armor and part of his clothes falling away. You hadn’t left a single mark on his skin.



As he stared at you in horror, you watched in amusement as his helmet finally fell off, it sliced in two, right down the middle. Your audience was silent, your opponent terrified, yet all you could do was laugh. It wasn’t dark, or malicious in any way, just amused by the look of horror.



“Hey, you should see me with a dagger, then I’m really fast.” you smirked out. The man shook his head out of his horror, falling to his knees before you.



“I’m sorry I challenged you, Sergeant Major L/n, I thought I could at least last longer than the last one.” He bowed his head in shame.



You let out a chuckle, holding out your hand. “To your credit, you got me on battle axe day, not very many people last longer than 45 seconds with me on battle axe day, and you at least lasted 50.” You winked at the man as he took your offered hand, you were pulling him up out of his shock. Your audience had fallen into chuckles. This was merely your opening act. Normally Captain Phasma would challenge you, or maybe even General Hux, but something different happened today. Kylo Ren decided to try his hand at the most legendary fighter of the First Order. Your audience quieted as the man in black stepped forward. You could feel his eyes on you and they were intrigued. You felt it best to let him be the first to speak.



“How long do you think I will last?” You rose a brow in amusement, even more so when he grabbed his weapon and flung it to the other side of the room. You grinned, throwing your battle axe with such ease and precision, it embedded within the wall with a slicing noise, right next to your previous challenger’s head.



“That depends, are you going to use the force in our fight, or are we merely going to use our bodies, Commander?” You settled your hands onto your hips, head quirked to the side in fascination of the man before you.



“I will not.”



“I have no idea, having only seen you battle with your body and your light saber, we’ll just have to find out, won’t we?” You couldn’t see beyond that damn mask, but you could feel the slight adrenaline rushing through him, you knew because the same was happening within yourself.



You both stood idly watching, for only a brief moment, sizing each other up, but as soon as he moved, you leapt into the air, completely dodging him. You wrapped your thighs around his neck, trying to use your weight and momentum against him, only feeling those gloved hands rip you from his shoulders. So, he had impressive strength, only slightly stronger than yourself, unless he was holding back for your sake. You crouched low on the floor before bouncing up like a god damn spring and landed a punch hard in the sternum, you heard his breath stutter out before you felt a chest being pressed against yours, your hands and arms locked above you. He was trying to use his height. Everyone always did. It never worked.



You swung the whole of your body up, leaning to the side and re-placing yourself on top of his shoulders, he once more tried ripping you off, but you knew his strength now, though you felt he did not quite know yours. In a swift rocking motion you had him falling onto his back, you quickly swinging around to keep his neck pinned to the ground with your knees, and your hands locking his onto his chest. You could have sworn you heard General Hux choke out a laugh. However, you knew Lord Ren was not done, you left his legs.



In a great heave of momentum, and impressive speed, even including your own, he flipped you onto your back, your hair spreading out around you and your body still furled up. Kylo Ren used the whole of his body to keep you furled up, unable to move. You were both panting heavily. He saw respect in your eyes, and he could feel a light pull from you, knowing that you had even the slightest bit of force power in you to read his flood of respect for you. He was not expecting you to push your limbs out, causing him to momentarily lose his balance and land his cowl between your breasts.



You gripped his shoulders and rolled on top of him, your knees holding his upper body in place while your hands held his thighs. Never one to be out done, you felt something wrapping around your leg, in your moment of distraction, you were once more pinned to the ground, as soon as you realized, you were kind of impressed.



“You cheated.” you panted out.



“I didn’t use the force at all for the fight.” You rose a brow. “You allowed yourself to be distracted.” You conceded before him. He was right. Your head fell back onto the mat.



“I haven’t been beat in three years, congratulations Commander.” you smiled out.



He quickly removed himself from you, nodding at you in approval you felt, and then was gone. You pushed yourself back up with a grin. That had been the most exciting fight you had had in long while. Though you had no idea what you had sparked in the man. He felt the need to beat you, honestly. And he would try, though if he was honest with himself he knew there was more he felt. The peace that overtook him during that fight was something he was going to chase.






News spread quickly through the Star Killer base that you had almost defeated Kylo Ren, news also spread that you had truly been the one to win, Kylo tricked you somehow using the Force. You shook your head whenever anyone tried to talk to you about it. You did your best to focus on your troops, your elite group of fighters that you were cultivating to be the best First Order soldiers. Storm troopers were great, but had poor aim, except for Captain Phasma’s personal group. She had trained them personally and they were most competent.



Still. You had your elites trained with a variety of weapons, hand to hand combat, and several different fighting styles. Your fighter’s looked to you with such respect and admiration, all of your peers, underlings and over seers did. But, all you cared about was the fight. The act.



Perhaps one day, you would care for more, but right now all you needed was your training sessions, and your audience.

Chapter Text

He was looking for that gods forsaken general. He just received a bit of news, a slight change of plans from the Supreme Leader. Normally, his hatred of the man he was searching for blinded him from any of the meaningless drivel that fell from the mouths around him, yet now he found himself angry for another reason, a very different reason.



Some low ranking officers were gathered around the viewing bay of the training areas. They were talking about you. About how it must feel to be in… in bed with someone so powerful, to have your powerful thighs wrapped around their waists, or their heads. Even to have you put them in their place. He was enraged. They hadn’t noticed him until he was right behind them.



He himself was staring down at you for a moment, your ever wild hair flipping about as you were training your elites. Your last group had been transferred to the Supreme Leader. Kylo briefly remembered Snoke being immensely pleased with his new guards, your men and women. The three of the men that had finally silenced themselves were flung to opposite ends of the room.



No one had the right to think of you like that, let alone talk about you in such a manner. Though as he thought about it, he too wondered what it would be like to have your thighs wrapped around him again…






You blinked at the man in front of you. He was… incredibly cute, very tall, very blond, and pretty socially inept. He also gave off the same aura as Kylo Ren did. You rose your brows in amusement. There must have been a spy on board or something, some type of secret mission requiring this of him. Supreme Leader must have demanded this. You shook your head as you looked at the man.



Feeling eyes on him he turned and saw you staring at him unabashed. He felt so vulnerable like this. A blush rose to his face. He saw you smirk and wink at him. This only caused his blush to further. He nervously made his way towards you, sitting down next to you awkwardly. He must have felt so out of place, you thought.



“Matt, right?” He nodded, very shy. He felt so dumb. “I’m Y/n.” You were smiling so kindly towards him, and not the smile you wore in battle or while training, it’s like you found his nerves endearing. He couldn’t help himself.



“I heard Kylo Ren really likes you.” Well, you weren’t expecting that, but you smiled none the less. He sputtered for a moment before correcting himself. “I mean… he uh, he likes how you fight. Kylo Ren admires you.” The man nodded, as if he wasn’t shouting just a moment ago. You fought back your chuckle.



“I really admire him as well.” The man next to you stilled, his eyes widening a fraction, urging you to go on. “I think he’s an incredible leader and source of power and strength for the First Order. I understand sometimes he gets frustrated, but regardless, I know he works tirelessly for the order and for Supreme Leader. I really like him too.” you finished, your eyes softening as you looked at this man who had no idea what to do with his happiness, though you could feel it radiating off of him in waves. “Matt, would you mind walking me to my chambers?” It truly was a request, not a command. Even as Kylo Ren, he would have said yes, but as Matt, he merely stood nervously, shyly nodding. “Thank you.”



“Thank you, Sergeant Major L/n.” He bowed his head to you as he led you from one of the common break rooms.



He felt so… happy that one of the people he respected most in the Order, felt the same. You held no apprehension or fear of the man, he could feel it in you, you feared no one. It was incredibly admirable, perhaps stupid in some cases, yet he found being in your presence so relieving. He didn’t notice that he himself had punched in the codes to your door, but you said nothing, he didn’t even think about it, though you caught it, gentle smile ever present.



“Matt, you can come in if you’d like.” He paused, did you often invite radar technicians into your private rooms? “I just want to have a word with you.” He suddenly felt nervous again. Were you going to reprimand him for not knowing what a calcinator was? He nodded and awkwardly side stepped into the rooms. “Would you like some tea, or coffee, or would you like something cold?”






“Alright.” He awkwardly sat on your bright yellow couch, looking around at was probably the cheeriest room on the entire base. He wondered if all of your rooms were decorated the same. Feeling strangely at peace, he found he had been lost in his thoughts, as you finally set down the warm mug in front of him. He picked it up, pleased at the warmth seeping into his skin and took a sip, happily surprised that you had put honey in his drink. “Are you comfortable?” He nodded, sinking a bit deeper into your couch.



“Have people been giving you a rough time as Matt?” He found himself nodding, so comfortable in your presence. He wasn’t even this comfortable in his own chambers.



“I’m so sorry, Lord Ren, I know working here as a new person isn’t always easy.” He once again found himself nodding. Then it registered. You realized this as he froze with the cup to his lips. He wasn’t angry, strangely enough he felt… disappointed. “Calm yourself, Lord Ren. I know Snoke probably has you on a mission, am I right?” Kylo Ren visibly deflated, nodding and pulling off his wig at the same time.



“I’m to try and find a spy within the ranks, get close to people, what have you.” he sighed. He was wondering if you only said the things you did because you knew.



“That’s smart. Let me know if you need assistance. Many of the people in the order seem to be fond of me, especially the new ones.” you smiled, carefully sipping at your own drink. “By the way, I meant everything I said about you.” You saw him relax a bit. “May I sit next to you?” He nodded, not caring. He wondered how many others were able to see through ‘Matt, The Radar Technician’ “May I place my legs over your lap, Commander?” Once again he nodded, lost in thought while he rose his arm for you to place your legs where you so wished. It was only when he realized he was gently stroking his fingers over the soft skin of your calve, that he realized you were kind of on top of him and he hadn’t noticed, or cared.



This kind of serenity was not something he often had. You were quietly reading when you peeked over your book to look at him. “What’s wrong?”



“I’m not used to this.” he admitted quietly.



“Neither am I, but I quite like having you around. You make me feel like there is more to my life than just fighting. I like that.” You were always so candid and honest. How did someone like you come to be part of the First Order?



“You are so kind for a fighter, yet it does not hinder your ability to fight or kill your opponent.” He was eyeing you curiously, you had set your book down over your stomach and his hand had resumed its ministrations on your leg.



“I want to restore balance just as you do. My kindness has never been misconstrued as weakness, at least not after someone has come to see one of my personal training sessions. Usually, they are then put back into their place, knowing what true bodily power looks like, and what it feels like to be defeated in front of your peers. I’ve noticed the people that challenge me end up being more proficient fighters in their groups. I am motivation and destruction simultaneously. I believe that’s what Snoke said to me during our last meeting…” Your eyes rose in thought, focused on the memory.



“You speak to Snoke as well then?”



“Why else would he have my last batch of elites at his door?” Kylo Ren felt himself smiling just the smallest bit, but he didn’t have the immediate urge to remove his smile.



“I don’t know how to feel about this. I feel so serene, when normally I’m very torn.”



“You’re welcome anytime you need a reprieve, sir.”



“To your quarters, or to you?”






And so it began.

Chapter Text

The first time it happened, Snoke had told him that the person he sent him was disposed of, and that there was another spy in their midst that he had to find. Kylo was going on a rampage. He wasn’t destroying anything, but he was searching for you, ripping through the base to find you, whether he intended to get his aggression out with a fight or to steal you away for peace, he had not decided yet. He found you in a cafeteria. The room immediately fell silent.



“Sergeant Major, you are needed, immediately.” He then turned away and heard your quick soft foot falls behind him. He punched in the numbers to your room before angrily sitting on your couch. You were then more or less pulled on top of him, your thighs now draped over his as him arm supported your back. He was glaring at the painting you had above your hologram projector.



You quirked your head to the side as you felt his fingers slowly start to trace nonsensical shapes on your thighs, his anger ebbing. You carefully held your hands in your lap, completely aware he was not fond of foreign touch, but you were wondering if it would be inappropriate to take off his mask.



“Lord Ren?” You saw the slightest nod of recognition. “May I remove your head piece, sir?” Another imperceptible nod. Your hands carefully found the release at the back of his neck, the slight hiss telling you that you had succeeded in removing it. “Permission to touch you, sir?” Another slight nod, this one more hesitant. You gently threaded your fingers into his hair, finding that he moved into the touch, rather than away from it.



“You don’t need to keep up the formalities here. Call me what you will.” he muttered, that serenity filling him, making him lean into your touch.



“Kylo,” his name felt odd on your tongue, but lovely none the less, “what happened?” He felt your fingernails gently scrape along his scalp, the feeling was foreign, but very welcomed.



“I found one of the apparent many spies aboard the base. I need to actually learn how to be a radar technician.” You heard the frustration in his voice, though it only caused you amusement.



“You’re a very fast learner, Kylo, I’m sure all will be well.” Your fingertips drifted to his neck and shoulder, carefully rubbing circles there.



“I know you’re mildly force sensitive. If I find out that this is why I feel like this around you, you will be punished.” He heard you snort and realized he had closed his eyes at your touch as he had to open them to look at you.



“I think you would know if I was doing that. I think I would know if I were. Snoke once told me I had a balanced soul, causing those around me to feel calm. But I think it is for this reason you often watched and watch me train, correct? This, peace?” Your fingers slipped under his chin, carefully making him face you. Your eyes were, gentle, inquisitive.



“I believe so.”



“Am I to be punished, Commander?”



“No, Sergeant Major.” You continued gently touching him until he deemed it reasonable for him to leave, although very reluctantly.






You heard him before you saw him. There were people flooding from the room, though you felt that room calling to you. You stepped through the threshold, finding most of the room in smoke, wires dangling from the ceiling, and durasteel panels melting as Kylo cut into them. You saw him in the middle of it, breath ragged and uneven. General Hux was watching with boredom etched on his features. When his gaze wandered to you, and you moving closer, he became mildly worried.



“Commander Ren, may I have a word with you in private, Sir?” His mask snapped onto you and he fled from the room, raising a single hand in motion for you to follow him. Once again, you saw your numbers being punched in as your doors opened. He tossed his helmet onto the floor and pulled you in, slamming down onto your couch with you wrapped in his arms, almost like a pouting child holding his safety blanket.



You tentatively rose your hand, only to have him place his cheek into your open palm. “Kylo, are you alright?” That question made him freeze. He turned to you slowly, almost as if he was in disbelief. He had destroyed another command room, tore it to shreds as people literally ran away screaming, and you were worried as to if he had hurt himself in the encounter. “Are you alright, Sir?” Your thumb stroked across the bone of his cheek, your brows drew together in concern.



“I’m alright.” he murmured. He saw that gentle smile stretch across your lips.



“Was it the General who upset you?” He nodded lightly. You hmm’d in response, once again beginning to thread your fingers through his hair. He let out a sigh of relief through his nose and leaned into the touch you so willingly offered.



“Why aren’t you afraid of me?”



“Should I have reason to be?” you asked.



“Many, but none at the moment.”






You were one of the fiercest fighter’s he had ever seen or met, and yet you had the most gentle soul. That was the only way to describe it. You had a passionate, yet gentle soul… Balanced. This allowed his dark one to lay into yours like a head to rest on a pillow.



“You know, some of the men have been asking if there was going to be a rematch, considering some think I won that day, and some think you did.” you mentioned, offhand.



“You did win.”



“I am well aware.” He peeked an eye open to see you smirking at him.



“Stop that.” He watched as you struggled to hide your grin. At least you were trying to follow orders. He didn’t notice he himself was starting to smile at your own attempts to stop.



“You first.” He rose a hand to cup your cheek, the leather of his glove feeling out of place. He bit the tip of his glove, pulling it off. You quirked your head to the side in that sweet fashion you had. He replaced his hand on your cheek, smoothing his thumb over your skin as you had done for him. He wondered if his skin felt as soft as when you touched him.



“No.” he muttered. He held you like that for a long while, before he had to leave for a scheduled meeting with Hux. Though he pulled you into his chest before he left his new sanctuary.   






“Watch, Matt. She is the toughest person aboard the Starkiller right now that Kylo Ren is out on a mission.” The man looked at the nametag on his colleague’s shirt.



“Yeah, Reginald. Kylo Ren thinks she’s really important in the First Order.” he said in typical awkward Matt fashion. He was dazed as you continued to fight off Captain Phasma with a dagger, whose blade was as large as your small hand, and winning. He watched as your hair, always ever down, swayed and flipped with your leaps and jumps, making critical hit points on Phasma’s person. She had only been able to land one hit on you with the hilt of her blaster, the rest of her shots you were dodging like they were child’s play, though if you were a second too slow, you would have been dead by now. As the minutes wore by, Phasma eyed you with amusement, as parts of her training armor fell off her body.



The man hadn’t noticed that Reginald had asked him to call him ‘Reggie’ or that he kept prattling on about how you were of the most importance when it came to success as the elite’s you trained always had the most kills and most successful rescue and capture missions.



“Wow, Matt, it looks like you’re really into watching the Sergeant Major.”



“She’s incredible.” he muttered.



“You like her more than you like Kylo Ren?” Reggie watched on in amusement as trouble crossed the young man’s visage.



“I’m going to challenge her!” Matt shot up and ran down the stairs leading to the training room. You and Phasma were laughing lowly as Kylo Ren in full Matt gear came barreling towards you. Phasma, being one of the higher ups knew full well of the plan taking course with Ren being Matt and found him more tolerable in this awkward technician form. Though you found all sides of him to be more than tolerable.  



“Sergeant Major L/n!” he was looking at you expectantly and you rose an amused brow.



“Yes, Matt?”



“May I challenge you, ma’am?” Both yourself and Phasma were surprised when he bowed lowly to you, though you knew this to be from his admiration of your skills.



“Of course. Do you wish to be unarmed or armed, Matt?” He stood awkwardly thinking for a moment. This might not have been the best idea. If he won, you looked incompetent, but if he won, Matt would be respected! But Kylo Ren none more… He sighed and looked at your sword. He grabbed it, while you grabbed that incredibly large battle axe.



“Armed it is.” You nodded to him, as he did to you, then lurched forward. You easily took all the blows with your battle axe. You slid under the space of his legs and swiped, he felt the tear in his uniform. You ducked, missing a blow to your head. You leapt high into the air, missing his charge at you as you quickly worked on slicing through parts of his uniform. You tossed your battle axe with ease back into your personal weapon arsenal, and watched as he stood still, about to strike, when the sleeves, and pant-legs of his uniform fell to the ground in tatters. He blinked at you, still wondering where you had the time.



“All things considered, Matt, you did rather well.” You smiled at him, leaning against your arsenal.



“Don’t tell Kylo Ren, but I think I like you more than him.” he said it quietly enough so that only you heard it. You felt a bloom of sadness grow within you. He liked you more than he liked himself, while he was in awe of you, you would forever be in awe of the man behind the mask.

Chapter Text

It was very late one night when you heard your numbers being angrily punched in. You got out of bed quietly when you heard those hard footfalls before the inevitable slam into your couch. His head was in his hands but when he heard you he took off his headpiece and tossed it to the ground, he leant back and was looking to his lap and back to you.


The state of your mostly undress didn’t seem to bother him at the moment as you wrapped an arm around his shoulders and settled into his lap. He gripped your thigh and pulled you flush against him, the rush made you set your other hand on his heaving chest. Those brown eyes were boring into your own, searching for something. After a moment, he sighed in relief, resting his forehead in the crook of your neck.


“Kylo, what’s happening?” You threaded your fingers into that incredibly soft hair once again.


“I had a dream you were the spy, and I had to make sure.” You felt his lips moving against your neck and you leaned into him, it felt nice.


“You were in my head.” He nodded tiredly, now smoothing his lips up and down your neck. You craned your head, giving him more access to your skin. In your light night gown, there wasn’t much that wasn’t bared to him, but you could at least make it known you were inviting him. Those lips gently ran across your collar bone, pressing a careful kiss where your neck and shoulder met. “What did you see?”


“You’re loyal to the First Order. And you’re loyal to me.” His breath puffed against your skin in lulling waves. But there was something that was bothering him still. “Why were you not in pain while I was in your mind?”


“There is only pain when you resist and have walls around your mind. I have none.” He pressed another kiss to your jaw, happy he could finally give you something in return for what you had given him. These ministrations he was doing to your neck were making your body relax much more against him than you normally did.


“You would not resist me?” His lips were at your chin, and you were feeling so delightfully… what were you feeling, whatever it was, it was divine.


“No. I trust you.” You uttered those words with such sincerity, it nearly made him dizzy. You felt his mouth open against the pulse point of your throat, the warmth coming from him made you so sleepy and awake at the same time. You tightened the light grip you had of him on his head, pulling back so you could look at him. His eyes were as tired and as dazed as yours.


You gently pressed your lips to his, warmth flooding you at the motion, and wrapped your arms around his neck. He pressed you tighter to his body as you broke apart, the kiss was gentle and so innocent.


The both of you were the most feared and respected individuals in the First Order, the most intense fighters, and the most enigmatic. Yet here you both were, the two most gentle lovers aboard. Though you both didn’t recognize this quite yet.


Kylo eyed you carefully. He had seen fire in your eyes before, but this was very different. You cared, and you wanted him for who he was, not just when he was with you, even in his fits of rage. His hand gently cupped your cheek, pressing a kiss to your forehead before picking you up in his arms.




“On the left.” you murmured tiredly. He nodded, pushing open the door with his boot and laying you out on your blankets. His boots left his feet, as his shirts left his torso. You smiled lazily at him, opening your arms. He fell into you, resting his head over your chest and listening to the strong steady beat of your heart.


When had you become so important in his life? He never flinched away from your touch, nor you from his. You didn’t fear him, yet there had to be some issue. These things didn’t start so easily. You felt a flare of anxiety and fear wash through him, his hands gripping you tighter.


“Hush, Ren, it’s alright. There are none that can oppose us, and no issue has arisen yet, quell your thoughts.” He nodded tiredly against you, falling privy to the hand gently rubbing his head.


Truly the pillow the dark could find rest in.




Your elites were training when an alarm in your vicinity went off, the intruder alarm. “Stay where you are.” Your voice was fierce, as fierce as they had ever heard it. You heard a round of ‘Yes, Sergeant Major L/n’. You rushed out into the hallway, seeing a group of rebels holding Matt, the radar technician, with a blaster against his head.


There was a group of other staff also being held captive and looking to you for salvation. Your inquisitive gaze went dark, the fire in your eyes was an inferno, ready to unleash on the first person that dared harm your people.


“You’re the Sergeant Major?” You eyed the man that scoffed at your title, the one that held Matt captive. Kylo watched as your gaze turned violent.


“That’s Sergeant Major L/n. I’ve worked hard for that title, I’ll have it used, properly at that, even by the enemy.” And with that, you were off, moving so fast, all the ones that had been being held at point blank range were now on the ground, safe from fire as you, one by one, knocked each one dead where they stood with the pinch of your fingers on their neck, rupturing their arteries in practiced grace. Not a drop of blood was spilled.


You eyed Matt, motioning with your fingers for him to follow. He raised from the star-struck and terrified group to follow you back to your quarters. You punched in your numbers and motioned to the couch with your eyes. Kylo sat and waited for further instruction. Your chest was heaving in anger and he could feel it rolling off of you. You were just staring at him, then he heard it in your head, why you were so angry.


They had put their hands on him, even if it was just his uniform, they were in close personal space of his, they had put a blaster to his head, and you were livid that they dared touched him when only you had permission.


He nodded and watched as you dropped your coat to the ground, slipped out of your boots and came to sit between his legs, your head nestling into his thigh. You gripped the other in your hand, while his fingers drifted to your head.


This was what you needed. You were so angry someone had dared touch and threaten him, your Commander, your Kylo Ren, though they did not know it. The possession of him he could hear in your thoughts was pleasing to him for some reason. Your eyes looked up at him, pleading, images of you straddling his lap with your face buried in his neck flashed in both your minds. He nodded once more.


You crawled into his lap, your thighs snuggly around his own, your body pressed impossibly tight to his, and your head safely buried in his neck. He felt you yank off the wig and toss the glasses aside, causing him to smirk into your hair.


“Why didn’t you do something?” you asked quietly.


“But, Sergeant Major L/n, I’m just Matt, the radar technician.” You broke into a laugh, your breath hitting his neck and your hands gently grasping his chest in your break. You felt his hands slip up and down your back in soothing circles. Your laughter faded, and you nuzzled your nose and mouth against his skin.


“Matt, you know, I really like Kylo Ren.” You pressed your lips to his neck, feeling his heart beat stutter. “If you’re not going to be his biggest fan anymore, let him know that I will be.” You felt his hands smooth down your back to grip at your thighs.


“I’ll let him know. I think he’d like that. Don’t tell him I told you so, but, he’s told me about… your arrangement.” You could feel a flitter of nerves ruffle through him, though he was steadfast in his movement and his words.




“He hopes you know that his quarters are open to you as well, as is his body for all your needs.” You pressed a kiss to the hollow of his throat. You felt a hum of appreciation run through him.


“You let him know, that I know, will you?” You felt him nod.


“There’s one more thing he wants you to know…”




“You’re free to use his body in any way you need to… for any of your needs.” His hands slipped as high as they could as he said needs, his thumbs briefly ghosting over the apex of your thighs. He felt your breathing stop momentarily when he did that, though he felt you pressing into his touch.


“I see. Do you know if he needs me the same way?” Your hand slowly slipped up his chest, gently roamed his neck, before your fingertips were tracing the shell of his ear.


“I think he needs you in every way.” His body was alight in all areas you touched him and where your body was against his.


“Do you know when he wants that to begin?”


“Whenever it happens naturally, he’s scared he’ll frighten you away.” You raised your head at this. You tangled your hands in his hair and forced him to look at you. Those eyes that burned in rage and had killed about a dozen people just half an hour ago were now a c/l/r lake so calm, a gentle breeze would stir the water.


“Kylo Ren will never frighten me away.” You pressed your lips to his, carefully running your tongue across his bottom lip. One of his hands raised from your thighs to hold the back of your head and press your mouths closer together. The slightest of sounds escaped your throat as you tilted your head to slot your mouth against his, your tongue gently slipping into him.


His head was swimming, his thoughts and body consumed by you, but he had never felt more at peace with himself, than he did at that moment. Both of you were breathing through your noses in order to remain connected. The entirety of the world around you was stopped, the only movement was your mouth against his, and the both of your hands gently rubbing and roaming each other.


It was a moment too tender to be broken by General Hux. He punched in your code and then entered with a “Sergeant Major L/n, it was reported that there was… there was a….” Your legs were straddling Kylo Ren, his arms encasing you to his body and the both of you looked pissed off.


You were still a subordinate in the situation, though you knew he would not move to do anything, verbally or physically while you were wrapped around the Commander.


“There was a what, General Hux?” His shut his mouth and continued his check in.


“There was a report that a dozen resistance members broke into the facility and held our people captive.”


“You’ll find them all outside the training area, the major arteries in their necks ruptured as cause of death.” You could see how your words chilled him slightly, you also felt pride from the man nestled beneath you. “I don’t think this was resistance though, sir. I believe it was a pseudo resistance, possibly something due to the recent spy leak into our facility. There are other groups out there who wish harm to the First Order. Besides, captives aren’t their specialty.” You continued your report by sliding your fingers into Kylo’s hair, his head falling to your chest, deciding it was best to ignore the damn pest the General was.


The General, for the first time in a long time, felt truly uncomfortable. He had just witnessed two of the best, if not the best, murderers on the base connected via their lips, he had never felt true fear until he saw them both glaring at him. He was sure it was your calming motions that kept him alive. Seeing Kylo Ren’s head fall to your chest like that made a pike of confusion and anger go through him. Relationships with subordinates were against the rules, but he would be damned if he was going to let anyone know what he had seen. Was he afraid of Ren doing anything, no. Was he terrified of you rupturing his arteries by a single grasp of his neck, yes.


“Is that all, General Hux?” Kylo Ren was glaring at him from his turned view on your chest, and it was still damn near terrifying as your eyes were filled with malice as they regarded him.


“Yes, Commander Ren.”


“Then please leave, Sergeant Major L/n is having her psych evaluation done by me, and you are interrupting.” He opened his mouth to retort when he saw your free hand flinch, fingers breaking through the fabric of your couch and starting to shatter the wooden frame within… with your fingertips.


The General finally understood the terror everyone felt when Kylo Ren was having one of his tantrums, because he thought at that moment, you would have killed him. He rushed from the room.


Kylo turned to you, his chin rested on your sternum as he looked at your fingers deep within the arm of your couch. You were frowning at your hand.


“I liked this couch.” you muttered, sounding a bit sad. He smiled up at you.


“I think the General can replace it. It is his fault.” You smiled down at him, pulling your fingers from your furniture. He noticed that the only thing you had broken was little bits of the arm, your skin had not been broken nor affected at all.


“Did you feel how scared he was?” You tilted your head to the side, lazy in your tone.


“It wasn’t of me though, it was of you.” His voice conveyed amusement, though his face settled into a gentle smile.


“It’s because he knows I’ll kill him ten ways to next week should he ever speak of this to anyone. His lips will remain shut on this topic, though he may tease you in private I fear… The General is a dick.” You grinned at seeing Kylo release a laugh from his nose. His smile dropped as soon as yours did, you looked at the door with a frown and tightened your hold on him. “You’re going to have to go Matt, your work needs to be done and I have to get back to my elites.” You nuzzled your head into his neck before kissing him lightly on his lips.


“I’ll let Kylo know you’ll be sleeping in his quarters tonight.” You nodded, a smile flittering back onto your features.

Chapter Text

As soon as you approached the door to his quarter’s they opened. You saw that his quarters were impeccably kept, everything was sharp and in black and white compared to your colorful warm rooms. However there was something rather amusing about seeing Kylo wearing a simpler set of black clothing. He had on a black long sleeve shirt with some… seemingly tighter than usual black pants. It was also very amusing to you to see him in his kitchen, wearing an equally black apron tied about his waist, behind his stove.


“Come here, please.” You came to him immediately, wrapping your arms about his waist and nuzzling your head into his back. You could feel him holding something back though.


“Say it, it’s alright.” you murmured, standing on the very tips of your toes to mouth it into the top vertebrae between his shoulders.


“Good girl.” he muttered. For some reason that had you humming against his back. It pleased you to hear that specific phrase.


“I like that, and I’m not quite sure why.” You could feel his amusement as you slid your face across his back so you could poke your head through the space his arm and side made. “What are you making, Master Ren?” You felt a wave of satisfaction pulse through him.


“It’s a surprise.” He gave you a side glance, well it was more of a bottom side eye glance considering your position.


“That’s very funny, I also have a surprise for you.” There was pique of interest. He tried to go into your mind, but felt resistance and saw you falter. He stopped immediately and placed his utensils down, cupping your face once his hands were free. You only continued to smile that gentle smile you had.


“Are you alright?” His hand swept over your forehead, his eyebrows creased in worry. You caught his hand.


“I’m sorry, I just want to keep it a surprise. I should have warned you.” Your fingers slipped up his arm to his neck, your fingertips dancing across the skin there.


“You didn’t answer my question.”


“I’m fine, Kylo.”


“Good girl.” He saw how your face relaxed and your eyelids fluttered down when he said that. He brushed a hand through your hair, softly smiling to himself as you closed your eyes. He decided using the force to finish cooking was fine. If he could use it to wrap around your thigh in a professional training match, then he could use it to cook you dinner as repayment to his cheating. “I suppose you were right, you really did have nothing to hide.”


“Well, now I do… that kind of hurt. I’m impressed.” He narrowed his eyes at you as you wrapped your arms around his neck, your body stretching across his.


“Kind of?” He saw your smirk curl on your lips. He kept his face neutral, though he was smiling.


“You stopped. I’m honored that you did, knowing that you didn’t have to.” You felt his feelings switch from amused to confused, and watched the shift of his facial features. You looked around briefly for a part of empty counter space. You hopped onto the countertop beside the stove and grabbed his hands, bringing him to settle between your legs, your eyes finally level. “I told you from the beginning, my body was yours to use as a reprieve from all that happens around us. I included my mind in that statement, though it was not specified.” His hands gripped your thighs, the pads of his fingers rubbing against the curve of your hips. Your hands were resting on his forearms, your fingers kneading at him.


“I will not push you past your limits.” he muttered. You tilted your head, amusement on your features. “Surely, Matt, the radar technician, told you of this.” Your lips spilt into a grin, your head falling. His fingers caught your chin, forcing you to look at him, he saw the flush of laughter across your cheeks and your bright smile, your eyes twinkling. Beautiful.


“He did.”


“…So what do you think about Matt?” You were grinning, for him. He was making you smile.


“I think him to be very sweet, eager, a bit awkward, but perfect. Phasma thinks so as well.” You felt his pride fall into shock. The way his face stoned over made you laugh. “Calm yourself. Surely Matt told you that I had become Kylo Ren’s biggest fan.” Your fingers brushed over his temple.


“Don’t change the subject.” His eyes narrowed, though you felt no anger from him.


“We like Matt.”


“I’ve made a fool out of myself.” It was a statement. You didn’t think a very true one at that.


“Stop it.” You took hold of his hair, pulling his face close to yours. “You are not a fool.” You brushed your lips against his, feeling those emotions rush out of him to be replaced with the serenity you both found in each other.


“Sergeant Major Y/n L/n.” he muttered when his eyes opened.


“Yes, Sir?”


“I like Matt too.” Your grin was back.




After General Hux had found out about yours and the Commander’s relationship, every time Kylo Ren was about to throw a tantrum, he would call you from your duties to handle it, ushering everyone out of the room as you entered, including himself and blocking the area off as well as sealing the door.


This time was a bit more disastrous as when you entered, Kylo had his hand up, choking someone with the Force. Hux was looking at the man who was being choked like he was stupid. When Kylo saw you his grip only intensified. He motioned for you to come with his other hand, so you did, standing next to him as you watched the man turn blue. He let the man go for a brief moment, letting him fall to the ground before Kylo Ren picked him up by his lieutenant jacket.


His voice was eerily calm as he commanded, “Say what you said, and look at her.” You tilted your head at this, stepping closer to listen to the man.


“I… I can’t, Sir.”


“That was not a request.” He heard the threat in the Commander’s voice.


“I would like to have major intercourse with the Sergeant Major as her body is a major turn on.” You rose your brows. Well, that was just terrible.


“Did anyone laugh?” your voice was level, only mild curiosity peeking through.


“No. Everyone started running away as soon as they saw the Commander coming.”


“No, lieutenant, someone would have laughed if they thought it funny. Your use of humor is poor, as is your choice of words for describing me. My body is a veritable power house that could kill you in more than a thousand efficient ways, 764 torture-death methods, and countless creative ways. And that’s with my body, not my arsenal of weapons. I could split your head from your shoulders… with my fingertips, easily. I could peel the skin from your body and allow you to die a slow painful death. Or I could easily punch you hard enough in the ribs to break several and puncture a lung while rupturing your spleen. Now, knowing all that, would you at least have made a better joke?” The lieutenant was in shock and nearly pissing himself. His eyes were filled with horror as he looked at you. He thought you were insane. Kylo Ren shook him from his thoughts.


“I… I think the Sergeant Major is the secret weapon for the First Order, the Starkiller Base has little to no variety in death options.” Your lips split into a grin.


“Hah, that’s funny. I’ll tell Snoke that one. Commander, you may release him.” The lot of them were staring after you in very different ways. Hux was impressed at your calm yet powerful intimidation technique, he was also mildly terrified. The lieutenant was staring after you like you were some crazed Goddess of the First Order, he was also trembling as Kylo Ren had finally dropped him to the ground. Kylo Ren was beaming with pride under his mask and cowl.


That night when you entered his quarters, he was where you normally found him, behind the stove, cooking some type of delicious meal that he wouldn’t tell you the name of until you were done. Though this time you seemed to have really pleased him as when he saw you, he immediately smiled. You could feel pride swell in him at looking at you. You tilted your head to the side as you wrapped your arms around his waist.


“What did I do?” your question was honest, as you always were, but he had to ask,


“Did you make any of those statistics up?”


“No.” He could only smile in response.


“You are a very dangerous woman, Y/n.”


“Yes, very much so; this seems to please you.”


“It’s because you are a good girl.” He saw your eyelids flutter shut and felt your fingers curl tighter into his clothes. He kept an arm wrapped about you while you nuzzled his ribcage and while he continued to cook. “May I read you tonight?” You nodded, sighing as you felt him in your mind, searching. It was like a safe haven within a safe haven. He would always go to the same place, where it was the two of you, real memories and little fantasies you had thought about whilst you were listening to General Hux prattle on about something.


He re-stumbled upon a memory that was recent, but he had been upset that he had almost hurt you and forgotten about it. Your surprise. He left your mind and eyed you instead.


“Oh, you’re right. We both forgot. That’s alright I keep putting it in my pocket every morning.” He rose a brow at you, his thumb swiping lazily across your lower back. It was something you had found when going through some of your old files, studying your past movements to improve your current ones. You found a data chip that you then played on your hologram projector and found something that you had thought was long gone. You handed Kylo Ren the chip and smiled. He eyed the item curiously for a moment before pulling a datapad from his kitchen drawer. He placed the chip in and kept you in place by his side as the clip played. It was from your days as a professional fighter, or rather a hired fighter.


You had been a popular one in the underground, famous for never losing and here he watched with you one of your old matches in which the crowd was screaming, but you and your wild hair were easily seen as you beat your opponent within three minutes. Two and half of the match had been you laughing and mocking your opponent. He smirked at what he was watching.


“Y/n, do you think you could ever be beaten, by anyone? And if you could, by who?” A nervous interviewer stood in front of you and you rose your brows at him, pulling him closer and grinning at him.


“I don’t think so…” You had paused and your eyes lit up in admiration. “Actually, I do think there is one person who could.” You had said it almost in a daze.




“Kylo Ren, the Commander of the First Order. I believe if anyone could, it would be him.” You smiled softly into the camera, blush rising prettily to your cheeks as the clip ended. Kylo set the tablet down wordlessly onto the countertop. He wrapped his other arm around you and refused to break eye-contact with you.


“You really meant it.”


“I did, and I was right.” His brows furrowed together briefly, urging you to further explain. “Fighting was my life. Now fighting for you is my life. I am yours, you have won.” He lifted you from the ground, his hands taking refuge on where your thighs met your bottom. You used his forearms as thigh rests as he held you, his stare so intense.


“Say it again.” His breathing had deepened, his heart racing in his chest.


“I am yours.” His forehead came to rest on yours, his hands kneading you.


“Say it again.”


“I am yours, Kylo Ren.” He pressed a shaky kiss to the corner of your mouth.


“I need you closer and I need you to say it again.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, one of your hands gently rubbed his back while the other held the back of his head, your front fully flushed against him.


“I only belong to you, Kylo Ren.” He let out a shuddering breath.


“Please.” It was a whisper. “Say it… say what I am not allowed to.” You smiled against his lips as you kissed him, pulling away to murmur hotly against his skin.


“I love you.” You were suddenly backed into a wall, where his mouth was ravaging yours, with his hips firmly pinning you in place you felt a hand skitter up your side and trace your curves, as his tongue continued to numb you into a haze. His fingertips drifted to the buckle of your pants, he tugged in question, ripping it from your body when he felt you nod. He was tearing your clothes off of you, in a mad frenzy.


He needed to see your skin, he needed to see who was his, every single part of her, just as he would bare himself to you. It was exhilarating, the ferocity of his need to see your nude form. His hands were everywhere when all your clothes were gone. They were groping and rolling at your heavy breasts, his fingers tweaking at your nipples, his mouth was getting lost on you, kissing you everywhere. He was in a frenzy. At your admission, his serenity had turned into boiling passion, almost everything he held back, was coming forward.


You heard a cry in the back of his mind, for him to calm down, he ignored it. You, in your pleasure induced haze, placed your hands gently on his shoulders. At the feeling of your gentle warm hands on his back, he felt slowed. As you moved your hands to tangle in his hair, forcing him to look up at you, you saw his eyes widen slightly, terrified of his reaction to what you said.


Your gentle smile, was ever present.


“Come with me.” You held out your hand, your fingers tangling with his as you led him to his bedchambers. He had flicked his wrist, turning everything in the kitchen off, and locking his door, placing three bypass codes into place, of which he only informed Phasma. The General would not ruin this moment.


You led him to the edge of his bed. “Can I undress you, Kylo?”


“Please.” His breath was still ragged, his eyes having difficulty focusing on one spot of you as he was trying to memorize all of you.


“We have time, there is no need to rush.” You placed a placating hand on his chest, your fingers drifting down his front. He felt every nerve in his body jumping at your touch. Your fingertips ghosted across the hem of his shirt and he could feel every fiber brushing against his skin as you pushed the article up to his shoulders, you too short to fully remove it. He pulled it off his arms, dropping it to the floor, finally enraptured by your eyes. There was a different fire burning there now, he was taken. You were beautiful. Your hands roamed over his chest, as if this was the first time you had truly touched him. As your hands continued traveling and teasing down, he could only feel anticipation. You tugged at his belt, question in your bright eyes.


“Yes, please.” You smiled and pressed a kiss over his heart which nearly made his skin burn. You carefully pulled the article from the loops and dropped it. Your hands grazed over his thighs before brushing up against him, it was the slightest touch, but it had him aching to be inside you. You pulled on his too tight pants, happy when they flew down to his ankles. You knew he had used the force, and it made you smirk.


You eyed just how hard he was for you. You bit your bottom lip, your stomach getting impossibly warm from just listening to how hard he was panting for you, to how much he wanted to be inside you. You were pulsing, aching to have him inside you. You slipped your hands back up his chest. “Kiss me.” And he did. He picked you up once more, his fingertips brushing against the parts of you he needed to be inside of. His mouth covered your own, his teeth lovingly biting your bottom lip, before soothing the ache by gently sucking on it. Your thighs were growing hotter and hotter. “Down.” He never wanted to put you down, but he did. You laid yourself down on the bed, stretching out before him.


He just stared at you. His eyes were taking in how powerful your body was. You were not a lithe woman, you were not billowy. You were short, curvy and so very powerful. Your legs, even with your height, were long and shapely. Your thighs were strong and they led into beautifully wide hips. Your narrowed waist was so dramatic compared to the breadth of your hips. He let out a groan at the sight of your nipples hardening and he couldn’t breathe as he looked at your beautifully flushed face.


Where was he supposed to begin with you?


“Commander, I need you to be inside me now.” He just then noticed the rise and fall of your chest, the way your body was glowing with want. He let out another shuddering breath and removed his silk shorts. You let out the most guttural moan at the sight of him and it had you both dripping onto his sheets.


“Y/n L/n. I am yours.” He whispered it so low, but you heard it so loud. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, rutting yourself against him.


“I need you.” It was the break in your voice that got him. He gently held your chin in his hand, keeping eye contact with you as he dipped inside you, to feel how wet you were. You were wet for him. He wanted to hear you say it.


“I need to listen to your voice.” You nodded, you knew what he wanted.


“Kylo, please, I’m dripping for you, please.” He saw tears gathering in the corner of your eyes, a soft smile on his lips as he claimed your own, and he thrust into you. Your mouth dropped into an ‘o’ your eyes rolling to the back of your head at how… full you felt. “Please, I need more.” Kylo groaned, pulling almost all the way from you before slamming himself back into you. You let out the most lovely cry he had ever heard. “Please, I need you faster. The only name I want to remember is yours.” His head fell to your shoulder, his lips caressing you as his hips started moving in and out of you like a piston.


Your hands drifted to his hair, where you forced him to look at you, your eyes were having trouble focusing, your body was on fire but you needed him to know it was him that was pleasing you so deeply. “Kylo Ren, I belong to you.” It came out of you in shudders that reaped up your spine. His hips snapped so hard into your own, you felt the shockwaves in your throat. You blinked away tears, as he did it again. This pleasure was so consuming, every time his pubic bone would rub so harshly against your clit, it was almost too much and it was perfect. You groaned as he continued to make shockwaves pulse through your body, his eyes locked on yours.


“I only want you.” Your hand cupped his cheek, but he felt his heart squeeze in his chest.


“You have me.” It was a rasp, low and dark and what you needed to have you pulled over the edge and into the abyss. He felt your wet heat throbbing around him, pulling him in deeper. You were forcing him to cum with you. He suddenly felt all you felt, like your nerves were on fire and that all your muscles were relaxing and tensing all at the same time. You saw each other through one another’s eyes, and finally understood why the pull had been there since the beginning.


Kylo remained inside you, wrapping an arm around your waist and turning you both onto your side. You were panting so hard against him, and he was still reeling in the aftershocks of orgasm. He pressed his lips to your hair, the scent of you flooding his senses. When both of your hearts finally stopped racing, Kylo looked down at you, gentle smile on his lips. He lowered his head and whispered, “Good girl.” You sighed, your head falling onto his shoulder so you could bury it in his neck.


“Thank you, Master Ren.” The velvet tone you had in your voice when you said it, made him shudder, pulling you tighter against him. “Commander, I’m hungry.” you muttered. He smiled into your hair, grinning when you looked up to see what he was doing with the force. He was bringing in all the things that he had turned off before you both were far too gone to care what happened to the food.


You sighed happily none the less when a spoon came to be in your hand. Your eyes were filled with adoration as you looked at him.


“Eat.” he muttered, his smile lost around his spoon.


“Yes, sir.” You smiled, hiding your eyes with your hand as you started eating from his plate with him. You felt your hand being moved and allowed it to fall. He was narrowing his eyes at you, with that smile on his face. You pushed the plate down his torso and kissed his chest. You rubbed your leg against his, feeling how flushed your face was becoming again. You trailed your hand down his torso and watched as food once more was pushed aside and placed carefully on the floor. His arm wrapped around you pulled you on top of him.


Your hair had always been wild, it’s curls long and thick, but with the tossing you had just been through, your hair was just… you looked like a goddess. Your curls were falling down your back and framing your face, and your hips were rolling against his.


Kylo Ren was mesmerized with how your body was moving atop his, that feeling of heat flooding his senses again. Then he looked at you, compared to the hardness between his thighs and thought very well you might be unable to walk in the next few days. You lifted yourself up and plunged down onto him, he watched in almost morbid fascination with how he disappeared within you and with how your neck was straining.


He grabbed your hips and your hands fell on top of his, allowing him to guide your movements. His thighs were supporting the backs of yours as you rode him. You were going into a frenzy like he had before. But he wanted to see. You lost your balance, your hands coming to balance yourself on his chest, and your movements changing from bouncing on top of him, to truly riding him, like he was a beast. Your eyes were wild and your mouth was open, cries falling out, broken pleas. He moved his hand down to where your bodies were joined and pressed his fingers up against your clit, letting out a groan himself with how you immediately started to pulse around him, pulling him in deeper. You were rearing yourself back onto him and it was absolutely incredible to see you lose control. When the final ripples of your orgasm came up through your spine, Kylo allowed himself to release inside of you. You fell onto his chest as you tiredly rode out the remainder of his orgasm. He removed his arm from between your bodies and wrapped it securely around your waist. You both faded into a blissful sleep.

Chapter Text

Kylo had been up for the past thirty minutes, but he couldn’t find it in him to move. You were resting your head on his upper arm, your breath puffing against his chest. He had been staring in silence since he decided to not disturb you. He saw you as the same powerful woman he always saw you as, but now somehow, it was all so much deeper. It was only a few minutes later he felt your breathing change and the barely there feeling of your lashes fluttering open. You opened your eyes before smiling and shutting them again, stretching yourself over the man. He rose a brow in amusement as you once more opened your eyes, them eyeing the forgotten food on the floor before regarding him with a smirk.


“I’m sore.” you announced, sounding immensely pleased. “I like this feeling. I’m going to be feeling you all day, right between my thighs.” Your velvet voice was a bit more graveled that morning and your eyes were already burning. He raised his hand to cup your cheek, your sultry look vanished into one of adoration.


“Can you walk?” His thumb was stroking across your cheek thoughtfully, hoping you wouldn’t bring too much attention to yourself.


“Let’s find out.” He nodded and watched as you slowly sat up and stretched, then finally you stood onto your wobbly legs. You turned looking victorious, smirking at him. But his eyes were glued to the marks on your skin, the purple bruises on your thighs and your mound from him slamming himself into you. You eyed them with a great grin. “They’re beautiful.” You were breathless. “I want to see them in a mirror, I’ll be back.” You had missed the feeling of horror flooding through him at the sight, but you were taken by them. He stood and entered the refresher, only to see you still grinning at the marks on your body. “My god I have beautiful galaxies gifted to me by my lover on where my essence as a woman lies. Kylo, they’re beautiful, thank you.” He was confused as you folded yourself into his arms, kissing his chest. He then dipped into your mind, looking for your logic and found something more beautiful.


The bruises on your body would last for a few weeks, reminding you of the beautiful first tryst you had with the man you loved.


“You really do love them.” You nodded enthusiastically as you pulled him into the shower, ready to make those bruises last forever; he however was being much gentler with you, only prolonging your pleasure.


When you both exited, you followed him into his closet. “What are you doing?” He watched as you glared at his robes, all identical to each other.


“My clothes are torn to shreds, I get to wear yours today.” He rolled his eyes but watched, incredibly amused as you placed his clothes on your body. The pants were way too long on you, the shirts loose and the cape… you looked like a child. “You better keep laughing inside your head, because I’m not kidding about wearing these, even though I look ridiculous and Hux is probably going to try and write me up for it. This is your fault.” With that you shoved on your boots, which thankfully fit and stormed out of his rooms.




As you were in the middle of drills with your elites, one of the doors to the training area slammed open. You felt the aura of Hux drawing ever closer to you. Your elites eyed you briefly in worry before you fixed them with a stare that would murder the dead. The lot of them began running faster.


“Sergeant Major L/n.” He was trying so hard.


“Yes, General Hux?” You turned coolly to him, turning your neck so you would be making eye contact with the man. He paused at how icy your stare was, threatening him to say anything.


“Why aren’t you wearing the proper uniform for your standing?” Before you could utter a word, both doors to the training area slammed opening, the sound reverberating along the walls as you felt Kylo Ren draw closer to you.


“General Hux, you are not to bother the Sergeant Major while she is training her elites.” His voice was colder than normal, egging Hux on to say something. Hux ground his jaw, trying to word his phrase carefully, knowing if he didn’t something humiliating would happen.


“My duty is to see to order, due to the Sergeant Major wearing an unorthodox uniform, it is my duty to find out the reason and deem it reasonable to report or not.” He was so livid, you held back your grin, just to make it easier on him.


“You would report it to me and I don’t care.” The General had a vein in his forehead that was throbbing.


“I’ll report it to Supreme Leader Snoke.” The General wanted to recoil with how fast your grin took over.


“Soldiers!” you voice rang out, powerful and absolutely dripping with authority.


“Yes, Sergeant Major L/n!”


“You will continue your drills in the next training area, if others are distracting you, you aren’t focusing. I will know, and those unfocused will be punished by my hand. Now go.” Your voice was calm, the calm before the shit storm that was about to slap General Hux across the face.


“Yes, Sergeant Major L/n!” They left in two lines, perfectly lined up and in no hurry, just as you trained them. When the last one was out of sight, you reeled on General Hux.


“How dare you try to pull rank in front of my elites! You know exactly what happened with my uniform. As for Supreme Leader Snoke, you think he doesn’t already know? I have private meetings with the Supreme Leader every other week for honest status reports on this base. I have permission from the Supreme Leader to fuck whoever I want Hux, and he knows that it’s Kylo Ren. You want to play with fire, let’s go.” He saw your hands twitch, it was the only visible sign of your anger other than that poisonous voice. His eye twitched and he tried to glare at you with his own fury, but it paled to yours. When he left, your anger remained.


Kylo reveled in your anger, it was blossoming. He dipped into your mind and let out a laugh. You were planning on finally accepting that promotion from Snoke. He watched in amusement as you left, marching straight toward the meeting room. You barged in, leaving both the General and the Commander in your wake.


“What is she doing?”


“She’s finally accepting the promotion Supreme Leader has been offering her for the last year.”






“Supreme Leader, it’s wonderful to see you again.” Oh no, who had the balls to piss you off this early in the morning, thought Snoke. He would never admit to anyone, but you were probably the most terrifying person in the First Order though you were also arguably the sweetest, the ultimate answer to balance, perfect for the Commander.


“Sergeant Major L/n, It’s nice to see you again as well.” He nodded in respect towards you, you doing the same to him.


“How are my soldier’s doing?” You saw a smirk of pride cross his face before it fell.


“Quite well, how’s the new batch?”


“About to hatch, Supreme Leader.” You once again nodded in a mock bow.


“Excellent. And the progress of Starkiller?”


“The technicians are still working tirelessly in order to ready the weapon so it will assist in bringing balance, Leader Snoke. Though I hear from varying sources that it will soon be ready.” He nodded, pleased with your report. General Hux was always official in his reports, but you got down to business, something he had always admired in you.


“You are doing quite well, Sergeant Major. I wonder if you would finally accept your promotion to Admiral.” He eyed you, finally looking and seeing your clothes. Oh it was clicking in his head. General Hux had pissed you off. You were ready to accept. His power couple was finally going to crush those damn rebel bastards.


“I accept, Supreme Leader Snoke, It would be an honor to continue to move up along your ranks.” You got down to one knee, your eyes shining brightly.


“Perfect. Now then business aside, what’s happening aboard?” What no one really knew, was that Snoke was a complete gossip whore.


“Did I tell you that Kylo almost murdered a lieutenant?” Snoke leaned forward. “The man had made a terrible joke, about me and my allegedly active sex life. He destroyed the room and made the lieutenant repeat the joke to me.” Snoke was smirking.


“What did you do?”


“Told him my real bodily credentials and all the ways I could kill him. He was much funnier after that.” Snoke let out a single huff, you knowing that you had truly made him laugh.


“Admiral, bring in the General and the Commander.” Snoke allowed himself one smile; his one true pair had finally gotten together, enough for it to piss off the General and for you to accept your rightful place at the Commander’s side. The three of you came in, you in the middle, not even trying to suppress your smirk. You were too powerful to contain.


“General, Admiral L/n will now be Commander Ren’s second in command, she will handle more of the battle strategies that you seem to be inefficient with while continuing to also train her elite soldiers.” The General almost looked defeated.


“Commander Ren, a transfer of rooms will be in order for the Admiral, move her wherever she feels she will work most efficiently.”


“Yes, Supreme Leader Snoke.” He could feel the smug radiating off of him, but couldn’t hear it, which was good enough, you were rubbing off on him already, now if only your force awareness would rise.


“That is all.” And he was gone, he called in his elites and let them know the good news. They had all been waiting patiently for you and Ren to get together. It was a dream come true, a blood soaked, murderous, people crushing, dream come true.




Since there hadn’t been an Admiral before you in some time, you had to sit down with a uniform designer. You hadn’t even known the First Order had someone who worked under that title, which only made you think that the Commander had to do so, the image of it brought a smile to your face. “What color do you want Command-.” “Black. Just black.”


“What colors do you want to work with, Admiral L/n?” The woman before you was sweet looking, she didn’t look to be afraid of you, but you could feel it pumping through her.


“Shades of black and the darkest brown leather we have.” She nodded and quickly took note of your words. You tilted your head to the side at the sweat that was gathering on her forehead. “You have no reason to be scared. You can calm yourself, it’s quite alright.” You took to resting your head in your hand with a gentle smile. You felt a bit of her fear and apprehension leave her, while disappointment took over. Her head bowed.


“Yes, Admiral L/n.”


“Would you mind giving me your pen, dear?” She shook her head and slipped you her notepad and her pen. As you sketched out your plans for your uniform, you slowly felt calm wash over her. When she looked up at you she had a confused look on her face. “When anyone sits in a room long enough with me it happens. I’ve been told my soul is at balance, there’s nothing to fear.” She nodded in understanding and looked over your sketch.


“Is this allowed?”


“It is now, I’ll be a standard issue Admiral.” The General was going to be pissed, but you were pleased with yourself.

Chapter Text

You had made sure that there were plenty of extra uniforms, you were planning on stuffing them in Kylo Ren’s closet. This was all his fault anyway, though you did feel pleased. You were finally above that damn General. As you strode through the halls of the Star Killer, there were looks of admiration and fear, several of the stormtroopers seemed a bit more interested in you than usual.


You punched in the codes to the newest battle tactic and command center, only to hear shouting. Kylo Ren was five seconds from pulling his lightsaber on the General. You rose a brow and felt the air change around you as you entered, eyes were no longer on the fight, they were on you. The General’s eyes flicked to you while he was in the midst of rolling them and his words were swallowed.


Kylo froze when he finally realized you were in the room with them. He slowly turned and you felt really proud of yourself. Your new uniform allowed for much more movement, meaning you would be faster and more efficient in battle.


He had never really had to exploit his self-control in front of you, but now he was. Your colors were standard, but that was it. You were wearing a short dress, with a triangular cut out in the center of your chest. You had over it a deep black, cropped jacket with fingerless gloves in dark brown leather over your sleeves. Sheer leggings covered your thighs while your usual dark brown boots clung to your calves. A simple utility belt was around your hips with several of the more advanced weaponry in the larger pockets, and a blaster hanging low off your hip. The emblem of the First Order was in the center on a rosy colored metal. The only part he saw of you that showed your standing was the embroidered red stripes over your upper arm.


However, the most fascinating part of your uniform, was that same rosy colored metal, in a collar around your neck. He couldn’t say it, but you heard the words projected into your mind, “Good girl.” You felt a hand on your lower back, knowing that no one was behind you, you knew it was Kylo Ren. You suppressed your natural urges to nuzzle into the man’s neck and simply stepped forward.


“My Lord Ren, General Hux, please do continue on.” You came to stand as close as you would allow yourself to the Commander.


“Congratulations on your promotion, Admiral L/n.” It was monotone, but you could feel how pleased he was with you.


“Thank you, Commander.” You gave a slight bow. You could feel anger washing over you coming from the direction of General Hux.


“Yes, congratulations, Admiral L/n.”


“Thank you, General Hux. Shall we get down to business then?”


“Of course, allow me to update you on the situation.” As the General started speaking about what updates they’ve gotten from their own spies in the Resistance, you felt a hand on your lower back, like you had before, but now it was roaming over the back of your thighs. The only change the Commander could see in you was your thumbs rubbing the edge of the console.


“General, have we tried sending in some of our people to the local undergrounds of some of these planets?”


“Not really, why do you ask?”


“We can buy and sell information about the resistance. Trader’s and buyers of all sorts exist, General Hux. It would be also beneficial if we had some of our people just remain stationed in these… dives if you will.” You pulled your hand up, a hologram of the nearest systems pulling up with your movements. You touched several neighboring planets, writing out the locations of where you knew these areas to be.


“How do you know this information?” Hux narrowed his eyes. You rose a brow.


“I was an underground fighter for ten years. Isn’t this in my file?”


“No one is to read your file. The only people given clearance to read it are the Commander and Supreme Leader.” You visibly looked taken aback before you smirked. Oh, Snoke, you ultimate fan boy.


“I see. Anything else, General?”


“Yes, isn’t it foolish to have a target on your chest?” You let out a sharp laugh, the room stilled.


“I don’t know, General Hux, try attacking me and see what happens.” You hadn’t fought him in a while, perhaps he had improved. You were barely surprised when he aimed his blaster at your heart.


“Are you positive?” He seemed smug.


“Absolutely.” Just as his finger was about to pull the trigger, you seized his wrist and sharply pulled him around, pinning him to the command console with his wrist pushing into the center of his shoulder blades and your knee pressed tightly into his lower back, his other arm held tightly in your other hand. The only thing holding him there was your knee. You felt shame and anger radiating through the man. “It’s far easier to disarm your opponent when they’re aiming for your center, General.” You released his arms allowing him to gain his footing before you removed your knee from him.


While people were looking at the General with varying looks of sympathy, you felt a real hand brush against your lower back, and those words echoing once more in your head, “Good girl.”




Your transfer into Kylo’s room hadn’t been completed yet. Thus you were in your quarters when you heard a racket outside your door. You opened it to see a snowtrooper kicking Matt, the radar technician’s tool box away.
You heard him mutter, “Jerk face” under his breath, before getting up to retrieve it. The sight broke your heart.


“Snowtrooper!” He turned about face, his hand on his forehead in salute.


“Admiral L/n!”


“Was it in your orders to kick Matt’s toolbox away from him when he’s fixing something in my halls?”


“No, Admiral, Ma’am.”


“I see, apologize.”


“I’m sorry, Admiral L/n, for disobeying orders.”


“Not to me, trooper.” you rolled your eyes, this one was definitely not trained by Phasma.


“I’m sorry, Matt.”


“Get out of my sight.” He ran. That was a first from a trooper, it made you smile. You knelt by the blond. “Are you alright, Matt?” You gently placed your hand on his shoulder.


“Yes, Admiral L/n.” You saw his small smile, though he was focused on rewiring the circuit board in his hands.


“After you’re done, would you join me for some tea?” He paused, looking around the hall, seeing only a few other’s there, watching in interest as the Admiral took interest in him. Everyone knew he didn’t like being touched, even as Matt. He supposed that everyone would be stupid if they didn’t accept your touch, in whatever form it came. Though he desperately wanted lean his head over and mouth your neck. “Matt?” His eyes wandered up to you.


“Congratulations on your promotion!” he had more or less shouted at you, though you knew he didn’t realize it. Being around others made him nervous when he was in disguise.


“Thank you, Matt. Just knock.” You stood and made your way down the hall, needing to discuss something with Phasma when you heard Matt asking people what they thought of the Admiral. You chuckled lightly to yourself as you went about the halls.




When you returned, Matt was nervously knocking on your door. “Matt, perfect timing.” You quickly punched in your numbers and entered, Matt following you. As you put your kettle on your stove, you felt his arms wrap around you. You knew he had work scheduled after this as Matt, so you couldn’t remove his wig, but you could run your hands over his chest and hold him tight to you. You turned in his hold to do just that. One of his hands tangled into your hair while the other wrapped around your waist. You felt fingertips at the back of your neck rubbing at where the rose gold collar was clasped.


“Good girl.” he muttered, your eyes got heavy as you leaned him back into the counter. Your fingers curled into the fabric of his uniform. He dipped down to wrap an arm around the backs of your thighs, pulling you up, your legs immediately wrapped themselves around him. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he watched you blink lazily. His free hand started stroking the collar. His other arm returned to your waist as you touched your forehead to his neck. “My good girl.” The audible moan that left your lips made him smile into your hair.


Your kettle began to whistle. When you tried to detangle yourself from him he stopped you. “No.” You settled back against him. He stood straight, one arm supporting the entirety of your weight on him while the other calmly poured you both mugs of tea. He grabbed them both by the handles, gracefully balancing and walking you both to the couch. He set the mugs down and sat with you still wrapped around him. A hand settled on your lower back, his fingers gently stroking against you. “The General was very jealous today.” He felt a bit of confusion ripple in your mind.


“I thought he was angry.”


“Anger is how his jealousy reads, his thoughts were very loud.” You nudged him to go on with your nose to his cheek. “He has always admired your raw and restrained power. When he found out about you and I, he got jealous. Your uniform today nearly tipped him over the edge. Especially your collar.”


“But I’m yours.”


“I know, and he hates it.”


“That’s unprofessional, allowing his feelings to cloud his job performance.” That was one thing you didn’t tolerate. While you were in your rooms, or his, anything went. When you were training your elites or yourself, no personal feelings got in the way unless someone was disrespecting you or one of your superiors.


“I agree.” Simply being in your presence brought him peace.


“I think you know how badly Supreme Leader wanted us together. He’d been hinting at it for years, it wasn’t until our fight that I felt brave enough to finally act on my wants… then you became a need.” He listened intently on what you said. He had already known of course, he had been in your mind so many times, but it was always different hearing you voice your thoughts.


He decided to do something he had never done. He placed both of his hands on your temples and closed his eyes. You tilted your head to the side before you felt a rush of anger and sadness that didn’t belong to you, memories flooding your head that weren’t yours, but Kylo’s. You felt an aching sadness that couldn’t be helped. Mindless killing for Snoke, for training, for him. A pike of loneliness drove through you at the sight of a uniformed couple walking through the hall. Images of your face flashed in your head, in the thick of training, some battles you had fought at his side. Then a very specific memory began.


It was as if you were Kylo Ren, watching yourself fight that fool on battle axe day. He tried so hard to suppress his urge to fight with you. You were entirely too graceful for how dangerous you were. The rush of being near you and finally the peace that filled him as he remained in your presence. He had to leave before he did something else foolish. Images of you were all you could see, emotions of calm and adoration, affection, a bright burning in your chest. When he released his hold on you he saw tears gathered in the corner of your eyes and you were panting.


“I’m so sorry that you ever felt alone.” He had never seen you look so sad. You were holding him so tight, he thought you were trying to melt into him, so he would never be without you.


“I’m not.” You felt his emotions pulsing through you, warmth spreading in your veins. The words he was not allowed to say to you.


“I love you.” You pressed your lips to his, giving into him. He was flooding all his emotions for you, into you. It was maddening for you, feeling this depth. You felt heavy with everything, feeling so much. When he pulled away from you, your head fell to his shoulder, unable to support the weight of your head. “I feel so full.”


“Exactly.” Those arms were anchoring you to the world, the gentle thud of his heart pressing against your shoulder calming your own speeding one. He knew what was happening to you, the first time he had looked into your mind, searching for if you were the spy, had been similar. The rush of having all your emotions for him flooding into him, he had held himself back from feeling the entirety of it, though you rarely held back and you certainly hadn’t here.




“Yes, Admiral?”


“Tell Kylo Ren, I feel the same.”


“Yes, Admiral.”


You both had work to get back to, but the both of you allowed for one more moment to be together.


The tea was untouched.

Chapter Text

Your elites were looking at you, all of them exhausted from how hard you had worked them today. Feeling all of that had motivated you. You knew they felt run into the ground with how hard you pushed them, but the lot of them felt pride in themselves for still standing tall, even though they all hurt so badly. They were standing at attention, waiting for your next order. 


“Good work today,” your face softened. “I’m proud of you, you are all released from your training for the day.” Some of them were beaming at you, others just looked thankful to go do something else. As they all left, you started to train yourself. 


You grabbed your broadsword. A memory of when you first had to hold it with both hands popped into your head when you grasped the handle firmly with one. “Training: Level 0” As you activated your training sequence, you took a deep breath, steadying your heart and your emotions. Short blades and blasts began coming at you from all angles. You leaped hard into the air, using your weight to spin yourself up, sword deflecting all hits. You landed deftly on your feet, running across the room, your eyes seemingly everywhere as you moved your sword through the air. A row of training droids were coming up in your line of sight, you jumped over them as those blades and blasts shot over them. Now you had both training droids, blades, and blasts coming your way. 


You were coming up on the wall, your gaze shot back briefly behind you seeing everything headed your way. You leapt up from the floor bringing your legs up to push off the wall. You ducked into a spin, landing behind the training droids that had been smart and surrounded you. While still deflecting blasts from outside the circle, you began dancing from the physical blows that were being sent your way. Your back was bending and writhing, legs twisting yourself in and out of the circle. You shut your eyes for a brief moment, opening and then with one quick spin of your sword, all of the dummies fell to the ground, sparking. You tossed your broadsword back into your arsenal, as soon as the blade landed, the system turned off. 


You stood in the center of the room and took a deep breath, releasing it with a sigh. “Training: Level 5” Another line of training dummies came up from their ports in the ground. They were surrounding you and trying to blast you. You once again began to dance around them, however this time, your hands were straightened to points. With a hard swipe of your hand, the head of a dummy flew to the other side of the room. You were taking each out in similar ways, one you shoved your hand through its throat, the other you crushed its head into its chest unit, it still looking headless. For the last one, you sliced your hand through the entire unit. As it hit the ground the system turned off once more. 


Kylo Ren and the General had been watching you train, the General because he did report your training progress to Snoke on occasion, this week was one of those weeks. Kylo Ren was watching you because the General had pissed him off earlier and he enjoyed watching you train. 


“Those are made of one of our harder training materials and she sliced and crushed them.” The General muttered, in awe.


“She is impressive.” They watched as you once more turned on another training system and stormed about the room dodging blasts and cutting through droids with your hands. 


“I wonder what would happen should someone actually be successful in kidnapping you.” There had been several failed attempts, Kylo Ren had placed messy holes through every single one of them. “She would tear through armies to get to you.” He would do the same for you. Their heads followed a training droid you had tossed into the air only to kick it across the room with such force it dented the wall and shattered on impact. 


“Or she would rupture the arteries of armies to get to me.” He felt the General shudder next to him. Kylo smirked. He made it a point that night to ask how you did that.

Chapter Text

You had decided to eat lunch in a different part of the base, luckily enough it was on a day, Matt, the radar technician, was on board. You hadn’t noticed the posters someone had put up nor the one that said ‘Cry-lo Ren’. If you had, you would have done something. With how nervous he always was in his disguise, he hadn’t noticed you sitting in the back quietly reading a book. You looked up when you felt him enter the room.


“Hi. I’m Matt. I’m a radar technician.” You held back your laughter as confusion flooded the room. You saw him eye several troopers before those eyes landed on the wall. You saw he was looking at a poster that looked like someone had graffitied it. You heard him angrily mutter, ‘that’s so mean’ before tearing it down and flipping a trooper’s food over and then grabbing someone’s drink and slamming it against where the poster had been. “Sorry, employees.” He was seething. You stood up from your position, him finally noticing you and straightening.


“Matt, what did the poster say?” You tilted your head to the side curiously.


“Cry-lo Ren.” Your face hardened. You turned to the men behind you.


“You would mock your superior?” Several shook their heads, but one muttered, ‘It’s not like he’s here.’ under his breath. Quicker than anyone could realize you had opened up a latch on your belt, extending one rather long double ended spear. This was no ordinary spear as where the blades were, there were also red sparks. You aimed it at the man. “Say it again.” There was fire in your eyes. When he shook his head, you gave the weapon a fast spin around your finger before making to plunge it into his throat.


“Stop, stop!”


“Say it again.”


“It’s not like he’s here.”


“Well guess what?” You leaned forward with the object when he didn’t answer.




“I’m here, if I notice or find anything, or hear anything ill about our Commander, consider the person, speared. This is a warning that I hope you heed.” With a twirl of your fingers, the spear was compacted and back in your belt. You straightened yourself out and turned on your heel. You pat Matt on the back before leaving.


“I bet they’re fucking each other.” You heard it as you left, but walked backwards towards the doorway, listening to what ‘Matt’ would do.


“Admiral L/n wouldn’t like hearing people talk behind her back about her private life.”


“Why, what did you hear, newbie?”


“That she spears people. I’ve seen her rupture the enemy’s arteries with her hands.” Silence.


“Oh yeah, I heard I group of resistance supporters got in, you saw that? What was she like?”


“She got everyone down before they started firing and took out a dozen men by just grabbing their necks.” He said it with such excitement and pride. “She’s taken out sets of training droid units with just her fingers and hands. She’s awesome!” You were grinning into your hand.


“Sounds like you’d like to fuck her too.”


“STOP SAYING THAT!” He stormed off only to see you grinning behind your hand with your brows rose in amusement. “…Kylo Ren wants to see you, I’ll take you to him.”


You nodded as he stormed off into the direction of his quarters, you were quick to follow, trying to stop smiling. The fact that people bad mouthing you made him more upset was making you grin. He angrily punched in his numbers and walked into his rooms. He flung the wig across the room and tossed his glasses.


He turned to you and picked you up, making you wrap your thighs around his waist and sat himself down on his much less comfortable black couch. He was breathing hard and holding you tight, very angry that his subordinates would even try to discuss you like that with him.


“Kylo Ren,” His eyes focused on yours, your fingers threading into his hair and tugging, “Do you want to fuck me?” His fingers flexed on your back, his breath deepening.


“Y/n…” It sounded like a warning, but you could feel his anger fleeting.


“I want you to mark me again.” You rolled your hips forward while you grabbed one of his hands. You made him run his hand down the front of your dress, his fingers catching in the cut out between your breasts. “Mark me where everyone one can see that I’m yours. Take your anger out on me.” He let out a shuddering breath before connecting your lips with his.


“Strip.” He mouthed it over your lips. You nodded and leaned back, taking your fingerless gloves off before shrugging your shoulders out of your jacket.


“Lean back, please.” You put a firm hand on his chest, but felt no resistance when you made his shoulders meet the back of the couch. You put your weight on your knees, lifting off him to grab the bottom of your dress and pull it over your body. You shook your hair out before flipping it over your shoulders. You grabbed his hand, slipping it under the center of your bra. “Rip this off, please.” He nodded, gripping the material and giving a harsh pull, it ripping. You let your breasts fall from the cups and shrugged out of the remainder. His hand remained between your breasts, eyes wandering all over. You slowly lifted from him, wondering if you could stand. When he nodded you smoothed yourself out and placed a boot between his thighs. “Unzip me, please.” His hands found the top of your zipper, his lips landing on the material that covered your knee. His lips were mouthing you as his hand pulled down the zipper of your boot. You held your hand out for him to take. When his was holding you steady, your rose your boot to press it against his shoulder. “Off, please.” It was gone after you said off.


You ran your foot down his chest, smiling as his abdomen contracted under you. You gently pressed against his hardness with your foot, feeling his hips jerk into you, before setting your leg back on solid ground. You rose your other boot and said nothing as he unzipped it and yanked it off to toss over his shoulder. You held out your other hand for him to take. His hand slipped into yours and you placed both his hands on the waist of your leggings, making his fingers grip the material.


“Pull, please.” He leaned forward to give your hands purchase while he removed your leggings. He felt the warm touch of your hands on his back while you lifted each leg, stepping from the discarded clothing. His hands drifted up the back of your legs, his face meeting the fading bruises on the insides of your thighs and on the most intimate part of you.


“Lay down.” His eyes motioned to the couch and you did. “Good girl.” He held back a grin for the way your legs parted for him as he said that, your eyelids drooping. He wanted to taste you. As he leant down, his lips about to touch your thigh, you stopped him with a hand to his shoulder. He leaned into your mind, seeing images flashing through of him naked.


“Please.” He nodded, standing to take off the ridiculous vest and unzip the suit. He kicked his boots off and stepped from the garment. “Thank you.” You spread your legs wider in welcome, but he paused to watch you drip onto his couch. You furrowed your brows and gave a roll of your hips into the air. He didn’t hide his smile this time.


Kylo returned to the spot he was in before, lifting your legs to wrap around his head while he pressed his face against you. He gave you a flat lick, his eyes rolling to the back of his head at your taste. He let out a groan against you, causing you to release a long moan into the air. He tongued at your clit, rolling it between his lips. Your thighs snapped him into place, keeping him there. He started to suck at you and you felt chills erupt over your skin. Flames were licking at your body, your stomach flooding with fire. You were releasing the most beautiful strings of moans. You let out a whine when he nipped at you.


The wet sounds coming from you both were loud and it was driving you mad, you wanted to continue but you could feel your walls throbbing, trying to pull something inside of you and finding nothing.


“Inside me, please.” You could barely get it out of you. He pressed his face into you harder, his lips sucking so hard at your clit, your back arched off of the couch and you felt tingles up your spine and running down your limbs, release rolling through you. His panting breath was what you heard the next moment. The sight of his face, wet from you made you whimper. “Inside me, please.” He remained nestled between your thighs, but a hand left your thigh, two of his fingers slipping into you.


Your mouth fell open. He could feel your walls fluttering around him, your heat dripping with need down his arm. He rubbed the pads of his fingers up, watching as with each gentle movement, your chest would heave and your hands would clench. He rested his face against your thigh, never stilling the gentle movement of his fingers, just teasing you to the precipice of madness.


Your walls were now, almost violently, pulling at his fingers. He was fascinated by your body. He turned his head to suck a bruise into your skin, his eyes still trained on you as your body began to convulse. In the midst of your orgasm, he pressed his thumb down onto your clit, pleased as your body couldn’t stop shuddering.


“Please.” He had never heard such a desperate sound fall from your lips. He would never deny a sound like that. He crawled over your body so that he could face you. His hands were on either side of your head. One hand skittered down your side to grip your thigh and wrap it about his waist before replacing his hand by your ear. He gave a short roll of his hips, sliding between your folds. “Please!” Tears were gathered in your eyes. He gave another short roll, pressing harder against you. “Please.” It was a weak whisper. He pulled back and lined up with you, slowly pressing into you.


Your tears fell from satisfaction, your walls tugging him in deeper. You groaned and it turned into a gasp as he pulled from you so only the tip would remain before slamming into you. You felt him in your stomach and it was so good. Your arms wrapped around to grip his shoulders, your nails biting into his skin as he snapped his hips back into you. Your head was reeling. You couldn’t focus on anything, there was so much, the heat rushing through your veins, the pulsing of your walls, the waves that ran up your body as he slammed into you so hard you felt him in your throat.


The sight of his eyes eclipsed by black focused on you was what nearly sent you over the edge. “No, not yet.” You let out a cry of frustration, trying to pull him down enough to kiss you. He lowered himself to have your tongue thrust into his mouth, in perfect time with his hips. He growled into your mouth, you thought he was slamming into you before, but he crashed his hips down into yours, causing you to fall back and move the couch closer to the wall. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as his thrusts became more controlled, softer against you after that. You had told him to remark you, he did, now it was time to love you.


You didn’t know what you liked better, it was all so wonderful. He was wonderful. He kept rolling into you with such grace, his hips steadfast, never faltering, while you were writhing and groaning into the ether. You let go of his shoulders to grab his face. You bent to kiss him, softly this time. It was a gentle press of the lips, but he leaned back down to capture you again. He gently prodded against the seam of your lips while his cock heavily dragged into you. The contrast was dizzying. He leaned further to mark your neck, right above the collar where everyone would see.


His lips sent sparks through your veins. Your body was an electric fire, filled and ready to burst at any moment. “What do you want, Y/n?” You were mewling for him, your breathing unsteady, your walls furiously tugging at him. “What do you want?”


“Please, let me cum!” You looked up in a time of clarity to see him smiling down at you.


“Good girl.” You were rolling, your leg snapped him into you, keeping him in place while tingles rippled through your being and warmth encased you. He nuzzled into your hair while he reached his own release in the middle of yours, the spurts of fire going into you only giving depth to your overwhelming pleasure. Your eyes closed as those feelings finally slowed. When he pulled from you, you let out a short whine as he let out a groan. You felt raw now, and empty.


He fell to your chest, your hands tangling into his hair. His legs were now far too long for the couch. He let out a sigh and rose. You eyed him sternly, words flashing through his mind, ‘you’re not going anywhere’. He smiled, bending to pick you up with an arm under your knees and one behind your back.


“I’m not leaving.” You relaxed against him, still panting.


“I’m hungry…” He pressed a kiss to your head, taking you to the kitchen and placing you on the countertop. You were perched up next to the stove.


“What do you want, Admiral?” He was sifting through his fridge, trying to remember what you liked. When he heard no answer he looked over to see you pointing at the ground between your legs. He wanted so badly to roll his eyes, but he came before you, releasing the minor frustration when you nuzzled into his still warm chest, your arms wrapping around his sides to cup his shoulders. He loosely wrapped his arms about you, his hands holding your bottom while his thumbs were pressed into the base of your spine.


“Good boy.” You muttered it against his chest. He smiled, smoothing his thumbs across your back. “Pasta…soon, but not now.”


“Yes, Admiral L/n.”


“Thank you, Commander Ren.” You lifted your calves to lock around the backs of his thighs, in case he thought of leaving.


“I’m not going anywhere.”


“I know.” You pressed your lips over his heart, opening your mouth to gently suck a mark into his skin. He looked down to watch. Your lips were swollen and your cheeks were flushed, your hair a lovely mess behind you. Your eyes were on his while you marked him, claimed him. You pulled away, leaving a kiss in your wake. He rose his brows waiting for it to come out. “You should tell Matt, the radar technician, to tell everyone I’m yours.”


“Maybe I should show them.” His fingertips stroked across the collar still around your neck.


“Doing what?” You grinned sliding forward on the countertop to hold him tighter against you.


“An accidental touch?” You tilted your head to the side. You were grinning incredibly wide when his hands grabbed hard at your bottom.


“Accidental… what if we’re caught making out in the hallway… accidently?” His eyes narrowed, he knew it was a fantasy of yours, but it was off limits. “Fine, but I’m just searching for excuses to touch you all the time. I’m not as strong as you are, I can’t just touch your lower back, I have to actually touch you.”


“I’ll think of something.” He lifted a hand to smooth it along the lines of your face. His eyes softened as you closed yours and leaned into his palm. You sighed and allowed yourself to slip into the calm of the moment. “Pasta?” you grinned into his palm, nodding.

Chapter Text

Everyone knew Commander Ren hated being touched. It was common knowledge in the First Order that should you even accidently brush up against him, you would be either dead or held in a choke hold until you felt the error of your ways deep into your ancestry. Thus all members of the Order were shocked to a standstill in the general assembly; it all started with General Hux going over an update for the base.


You stood quietly next to the Commander, your back straight and your gaze ridged as you looked over the crowd. When General Hux was done it was your turn to address the crowd and no one quite knew how it happened, but you fell backwards, and those who were in the front swore they saw Kylo Ren swipe his hand, as if he were the one to trip you himself.


You were confused as you fell backwards, what the hell had you tripped on? It was happening so fast and then you were resting against a very familiar chest, two arms keeping you from falling to the hard ground. Those hands were on your hips, holding you steady. There was a flood of terror that ripped through the crowd as if the moment put a rip in the time space continuum.


“Thank you for catching me, Commander Ren. I apologize, I hadn’t meant to trip.” You regarded him casually, you still firm in his grip, your head tilted back to look at him.


“Off.” You nodded and felt his gentle push upwards so you could actually right yourself.


“I apologize for that hiccup, anyway, back to business-” and you began to address the crowd. Your head hadn’t been ripped from your shoulders, the base hadn’t blown up, you were still living, the room hadn’t been destroyed, you were fucking breathing, and everyone was shocked. Even the General was eyeing you both suspiciously, his eyes switching from the both of you. He seemed the most upset from the exchange.


When assembly was released, the crowd buzzed to life and you heard their words.


“The Commander and the Admiral are a couple, I knew it.” You felt a hand on your back while you were walking two steps behind the Commander, following him to his rooms.


“That was your plan.” The words flashed through his mind, you could tell by the smallest pause in his steps that he heard you, you now felt a bit of nerves now mixing with his satisfaction. As he punched in the code to his rooms and entered, he waited for you. He felt like he was in trouble, like he had disobeyed you somehow. He had been lost in his apprehension before he felt his helmet being removed and dropped onto the couch.


You held his face in your hands, carefully cupping his cheeks while you pulled him down so you could press your forehead against his. “Read me.” You had muttered it so quietly he had barely heard it. He dipped into your mind and nearly lost his footing at the happiness flooding through you, the pure and utter elation of everyone knowing it was him who had marked your neck, that it was for more than just respect that you always defended his name. He pulled back slack jawed as you began piece by piece removing his clothing and yours.


You needed to feel his skin on yours, you just needed to be close. You were both shirtless as you gently pushed him onto his couch, your thighs straddling his as you wrapped yourself around him. He held you tight, smiling into your neck as you did the same.


You were so happy, you almost didn’t notice General Hux storming in with a frantic Phasma following behind, trying to tell him to stop what he was doing, even though she was not his superior. When his eyes saw the two of you, holding one another once more, though with far less clothing, he sputtered. Phasma, fed up with the man, removed her helmet and tried to physically remove him from the situation as you both were glaring daggers at him.


“No, Captain Phasma, leave, immediately, this is not your duty nor place.” You rose a brow, anger displaced for a moment as amusement rose in you at her distraught expression.


“Captain Phasma, you may stay.” Your voice left no room for argument. You tilted your head to the side at the General, one hand coming to tangle in Kylo’s hair, your head and neck finally coming to rest atop the Commanders. “General, what is upsetting you so?” You could feel amusement and only a bit of discomfort coming from Phasma at your actions.


“One of you, I don’t know which, planned on doing this. Starkiller is now erupt with gossip,” he nearly spat the word out, “about the two of you being together. If I hear the phrase, ‘murderers in love’, one more time I’m going to open a trash compacter and throw myself in.” He was shouting at you both. You rose your brows and looked to the man beneath you.


“I tripped, Commander. And currently, are we not together?” His angry gaze flitted from the General to you, those eyes softening as he saw the sparks of mischief in your eyes. He heard a single word echo in his mind, ‘kiss?’ in the same questioning fashion. You were hell-bent on breaking the General. ‘Yes.’ echoed back in yours. Your gaze flicked onto his lips and soon enough you both were connected, his arms sliding down to cup and grasp at your thighs. You both were lost in each other for a brief moment until it shattered as Kylo pulled away from you. He saw your pout in your eyes.


“I wouldn’t call it, gossip, General Hux.” His voice was dangerous as he eyed the man, his cheek sliding against your own until his lips were level with the collar around your neck. He pressed his lips to a different mark on your neck, another he had made.


You held back a smile as you felt waves of arousal and confusion flood from General Hux, but all that showed on his face was anger. Phasma was pleased with you and happy for the Commander. You eyed her and smiled, she briefly smiled back, but you saw it remain in her eyes.


“General, honestly, stop gaping like a fish. It’s unbefitting of a man your standing. Why are you always so upset with us?” Your neck was stretched out as Kylo quickly lost interest in the situation, becoming more taken with your neck. He was mouthing along your collar, leaving small marks above and below where it rested on your flesh.


“It’s not you, it’s him. He knows he ought not gallivant with his lower officers.”


“Quick question, General, who is it that can easily skin everyone in this room and rip limbs from their bodies?” Kylo stopped his ministrations to eye your severe face and the glare you had while staring at the General. You felt a rush of respect and pride coming from Kylo. “Please.” Kylo dipped his head once more to your neck at your request.


The General sighed, in anguish almost. “You, Admiral L/n.”


“Precisely. And you have the gall to liken me to a lower officer. It’s a pity you allow your emotions to take hold of you so easily. The Commander and I are in the privacy of his room and you have stormed in without permission to judge private activities.” You saw him bow his head, knowing you were right. “Leave, before it takes more from the Commander to quell my rage.” The General and Captain Phasma turned to leave. “Captain, a moment please.” She stopped and watched as the General left.


“Yes, Admiral L/n?” She turned to you, giving both you and the Commander a slight bow.


“Phasma, would you care to spend time with me or us rather, when you’re free sometime perhaps. I’m really happy at how you reacted to the General. Proud rather.” You saw her face soften.


“I’d enjoy that.” You nodded to her helmet and she took her leave.


Kylo lowered his attentions to the tops of your breasts, leaving mark after mark all over you. You let out a pleased sigh. “Good girl.” Your body rolled against him and he curled his lips into a wide grin before sucking a nipple into his mouth.

Chapter Text

New weapons were being tested today, several different kinds of blasters as well as training droids. They were going to be tested for accuracy, power, and if there were defects in the designs. The first to test them was a group of stormtroopers, then a group of officers, your elite soldiers, and then you. For the first two tests, no one was really around to watch.


They were being tested in the training arena, not the surrounding rooms that were just called training areas, this was the arena, held for large group trainings and viewings. The overlook was filled as your elites started to take on the weaponry. Awe filtered through the room at how dangerous they looked.


Kylo Ren was walking at a faster pace, knowing your elites were soon to be done, he wanted to watch as you tore apart the new equipment. The doors opened as did the crowds as he wordlessly made his way to the front, where the General and Captain Phasma stood, overlooking the elites progress. The training finally ended as the last droid dropped to the floor with a blast through its head. As your last elite left the arena, you strode in, almost lazy looking with how you surveyed the crowd.


You were armed with both of the new blasters as normal training droids rose from ports in the ground. You shot at them with both blasters, finding the heavier one in your right hand had too much recoil for the average trooper. You upped the power setting and aimed for a droid, raising a brow when it blew up in smoke. You tossed the blaster to the side, it was decent, but still needed work. The one in your left hand was smaller and more compact, easier to aim and perfect for the average person in the Order. You shot the remaining normal droids with it, each one got a perfectly placed shot to the chest, right where the heart would have been.


An arsenal console rose from the floor next to you with a larger model of your electric spear, this one being non-collapsible. You gently placed the blaster into the console while you grabbed the other. You held the object in your hand for several moments, surprised at how heavy it was.


“It took two of her elites to pick it up, how can she hold it with one hand?” Someone whispered harshly from the crowd. Kylo Ren allowed himself a small smile beneath his mask.


You twirled the object in your hand, finding its balance was off. A heavy frown was on your face. A training unit rose from the ground, rushing at you. You rose a brow as you dodged a few blasts before knocking its head from its chest unit. A few others rose as you activated the electric sparks on each end. The electric current running through the weapon was over heating itself quickly. You let out a sigh as you swiftly made your way across the room, several droids rising to rush after you. You tossed the weapon over your head with a quick glance back to see it explode, smoke and droid pieces flying every which way.


Another console rose with a lightweight blaster rifle. You felt yourself more interested in this one. You lifted it and flipped it into the air, dipping in order to catch it by the grips. Accuracy disks started ejecting from high up on the wall opposite you. You took aim as dozens flew from the port. The rifle had no resistance or recoil and fired as smooth as silk as you hit each disk dead center. When no other droids or disks came at you, you went to place the rifle in your personal arsenal that had been taken to the corner of the arena.


“She likes that one, send a message to the weapons department immediately.” Captain Phasma barked out.


Finally, you were going to go up against the new training droids, now made with the hardest material and twice as fast as regular training droids. The Commander saw the rush of excitement flood through you at how you removed your jacket, folding the item to drape it over your battle axe.


You let a sigh out through your nose when the new droids finally rose from the ports. They were a bit larger than the ones you were used to, and indeed much faster. You took off across the arena, leaping off of walls and spinning in the air to dodge much more powerful blasts. Blades started to shoot out from the blaster ports and you grinned as you flipped your hair back, dodging a blade to the neck and stomach as you pushed into the air. These were much more fun than the normal ones. You landed in a crouch, springing up when a droid tried to cut your head off with its new blade for an arm.


You rushed behind it and punched your hand through its chest. There were three more to deal with. You kicked the one behind you into the wall, it exploded on impact.


You blinked in worry, that wasn’t supposed to happen. You gripped another droid, lifting and running to the opposite side of the room while you tore its limbs from its sockets. You pressed a hand to the now ‘dead’ training unit and felt that it was nearly scalding. You released it immediately and sliced through the remaining one with your hand. But something was still wrong. You looked to the remaining parts and felt heat rushing from them.


Kylo Ren felt the brief panic you felt. “Something’s wrong, stop the test.” The General sent the fastest man they had down into the port control. You ran as hard as you could to the nearest exit, but as you looked behind you, they were already exploding, blades and shrapnel being flung at you. You dodged from them but they were coming at a speed faster than you, you felt one pierce through your side, but you kept pushing. It came out the other end, there wasn’t much to fear. You knew the area pierced held no vital organs or veins to be ruined.


When the smoke died down, everyone could see you calmly putting your jacket back on, though you were leaving a trail of blood in your wake.
The Commander shoved his fist through the invisisteel in front of him and leapt to the ground, landing with grace on his feet. He followed you casually through the smoke as you waited for him at the door. You were pressing your free hand to the front of your wound. He took hold of the door while he pressed his hand to the back, following you carefully as you entered an elevator to go down to the port control room.


You entered the room where you saw a flushed major rapidly discussing turning off the test.


“Major, I believe you’re a bit late.” You rose an amused brow stepping forward to give your report. He nodded and bowed his head in apology.


“I’m sorry, Admiral.”


“You’re alright. Superior Officer Roark, blaster one is still too heavy on the recoil and the power is inaccurately labeled. The second blaster is fine, go ahead and put it into production. As for the electric spear, there is something wrong with it internally, as when it is turned on, it over heats and explodes if left on for too long. More testing and design is required in order for that to be useful to our ranks. The lightweight rifle is perfect. I’d like three more sent to my chambers for my personal collection. Place it into production immediately. As for the training droids, they would be marvelous though I’m guessing that they are not supposed to explode.” The woman looked up from her notes in shock.


“No, Admiral.”


“As I thought, more testing and development needed on those as well, though if you can get them to work properly at that speed and power, I would be happy to use them in my personal training as well as training for my elites.” You finished with a brief nod.


“Of course, Admiral L/n.” She nodded and got to work. With care to your side, you turned and entered the awaiting elevator.


There was a frightened looking lieutenant in the corner when you entered. “Have one of the medical staff sent to my chambers.” Kylo Ren addressed the man directly, turning his head to glare down at him, the mask sending more shudders through him.


“Of course, Commander Ren.” At the medical floor he got off and ran to the nearest medical officer he could see. The doors closed, leaving you both alone. You let out an aggravated sigh.


Kylo kept his hand firmly in place, the other tight behind him, though you felt gentle caresses above your collar and the pressure of fingertips rubbing softly over your thighs. The doors kept opening and closing as people would want the elevator and see you both in and flee. You felt worry and anger pulsing through the Commander. The anger wasn’t at you, but it might as well have been for how your aggravation at yourself rose and a spark of shame enveloped your being.


When the doors finally opened at the proper floor you both carefully made your way to his chambers. The doors opened immediately and you knew he used the force in his worry for you. There was a nervous looking doctor waiting with her arms behind her. She faced you and bowed, not knowing what else to do.


“Admiral L/n, I’m here to assess and heal your wound.” You nodded at her and stripped yourself of the now bloody clothing. Kylo tossed his headpiece across the room as he replaced your hands with his, assisting you out of your boots and leggings so you would not bend, possibly irritating or worsening your condition. He didn’t realize how your shame skyrocketed at his motions.


The doctor had the foresight to lay out white sterile mats on the couch for you to rest on. He was mildly shocked at the amount of blood leaving your wound, that wasn’t normally a bleeding area, but all of your movement might have torn something. He stood behind the doctor, watching over carefully as she prodded and examined.


“No organs were hit or punctured,” she muttered, “Though the amount of blood you’re losing is worrying as I can’t see where it could be coming from, would you mind turning, Admiral L/n?” You nodded and turned.


“Oh dear, it looks like the shrapnel nicked a branch of your common iliac artery. Nothing to worry now, I can micro-stitch you up, you’ll be out and about by the end of the week, just take it easy on your training for a while, I’d say about three weeks at least, a month at most.” She did just as she said, stitching your artery up very quickly and then both the entry and exit wounds. She was about to start cleaning you off, but felt a force on her hands stopping her. She figured that was something the Commander wanted to do for you. “Would you like any pain medication, Admiral L/n?” You were about to say ‘no’, when the Commander spoke up for you.


“Yes, have it delivered to my chambers. Thank you, doctor.” She nodded and left as quickly as she came, she left her supplies. She was a smart woman. You refused to look at him and he finally took notice to what you were feeling.


Shame was firing through you and disappointment. You had gotten ‘hurt’ because you weren’t quick enough to dodge the damn shrapnel. The Commander knelt behind you, removing his blood stained gloves to carefully wipe the blood off of you. “This isn’t your fault.” He muttered. You scoffed and curled in on yourself, or tried to, but his arm was stopping your thighs from moving as he continued to gently wipe the blood that had smeared over your side. “You were smart enough to test the equipment further than just trying to destroy it immediately. You just saved the people that train using droids on base.”


“I wasn’t fast enough.”


“Yes you were. Had you not been, your intestines would have been trailing through the arena and not your blood.” He rested his head on your hip, right above your wound.


“I need to be faster.”


“Y/n, stop.” You let out a bitter sigh from your nose. He stood and then stooped low to carefully fold you into his arms. “Good girl.” Rather than relaxing into him he saw your eyes shut, trying to stave off the tears that were fighting to get out. He dipped into your mind to see why you were so upset. ‘What if I’m not fast enough to save him?’ was flashing through your head, images of him bleeding out playing over and over. “I’m right here, stop this.” You kept your eyes down, disappointed that tears were now falling from your eyes.


He carried you over to the kitchen and sat you down on the countertop, next to the stove. You sat there, not moving and kept your hands neatly folded in your lap. He allowed you to feel what you were feeling, knowing that you needed to in order to re-motivate yourself.


He removed his excess garb, casting it aside, keeping his pants and boots on. Your eyes never strayed from your lap. Kylo Ren released a sigh, moving from you in order to start preparing a meal for you both. He hated others cooking for him, it led to a higher risk of poisoning. He didn’t trust anyone enough to cook for him, or you anymore.


There was a rap at the door. “It’s Phasma, with the medicine, let her in, please.” He saw you straighten up as his doors opened for the Captain.


“Well, Admiral, I see you’re right as rain. The lot of my men are absolutely terrified of you and immensely impressed. All of them would be in the infirmary whining to the nearest pretty nurse.” She strode forward, unaffected by the sight of your nude form perched on the Commander’s counter top or by the sight of the Commander rooting through his fridge.


You smiled, albeit weakly. “Thank you, Phasma.” She placed the medicine next to you.


“Let me know if you need anything, L/n.” You nodded and she took her leave. As the door fell once more, your gaze dropped with it. At least you were comfortable being upset in front of him.


He turned back to the fridge… What could he do to make you feel better, damn it! “Pasta.” you muttered. He nodded, of course, you loved pasta. You made him make it for you every time you were exhausted after sex. He pulled out everything he needed plus a bottle of water.


When he was close, he ignited the small flame and placed a pot of water over it. Normally the sight of him cooking under your will with random ingredients floating through his kitchen made you smile, yet you remained, unmoving. This was absurd, he wasn’t going to let you feel like this. He left the kitchen after placing a pain pill in your hand and the bottle of water in your lap. He went to his closet and did all he knew to do.


You took the medicine, rather disappointed you wouldn’t even feel the slight ache of your failure and waited for Master Ren to come back. When he did you saw boots in front of you and those same black pants.


“Kylo Ren thought it was badass of you to walk off that hit.” You looked up to see, Matt, the radar technician, standing awkwardly in front of you.


“Matt?” You watched him turn flustered.


“Kylo Ren doesn’t like seeing you so upset, so he asked me to come…” He felt so stupid, but he would do this, for you.


“Matt…” You felt affection swell in your chest as he stuttered from feeling so ridiculous. “I just feel like I failed him… and myself.” You dropped your head back to your lap.


“You could never do that. If it wasn’t for you, no one would have caught those errors. Not everyone is as smart as you are. This isn’t your fault!” His hands were resting beside your thighs. He hadn’t realized he was yelling again. You lifted your eyes to see his exhausted ones. “Kylo Ren thinks you’re awesome… and really pretty and that you should still feel awesome, because you’re Admiral Y/n L/n, and everyone is terrified and in awe of you at the same time.” You could tell he was aching to touch you, but he didn’t feel like this was the right moment, you felt like you didn’t deserved his touch at the moment.


“…He thinks I’m pretty?” You watched as a bright blush spread over his cheeks at your words. He couldn’t remember if he meant to say that out loud.


“Yes.” He was humiliating himself for you. You knew it, he knew it.


“Matt? Do you think I’m pretty?”


“Yes!” Your lips finally curled into a smile as he shouted at you, so flustered and vulnerable in just the wig and glasses. He let out a sigh, ripping the wig from his head and throwing the glasses across the room. “Please, can I hold you?” You nodded, your resolve crumbling to him as he tugged your thighs forwards and wrapped his arms around you. Your hands cautiously rose to rest on his chest, but dropped back into your lap. He pulled from you for one moment to grip your hands in his to place them on his chest and place your head under his chin. “Stay.” You weakly nodded against him. “You didn’t fail anyone and could still ruthlessly rip apart everyone on this base.” You nodded weakly against him once more and he smiled into your hair.


“You aren’t disappointed in me?”


“No.” was his immediate reply. In all honesty, he was still immensely proud that you had been smart enough to let the weapons run longer courses. He was even prouder that you only wished to improve yourself after being pierced by shrapnel, so you could better protect him. He felt you relax into him after a long moment, your hands gripping at his chest. He nodded, satisfied. “Good girl.” You pressed a kiss to his neck. He secured an arm around your bottom before lifting. “Legs.” You wrapped them around his waist. He nodded again and started to cook with you locked in his hold. “Arms.” Your arms wrapped around his neck, a hand shyly threading into his hair. His thumb was swiping back and forth over the skin of your side. This was what was felt right, you impossibly close to him with him under your will. It seemed you only ever used him for his pasta, and he was glad for it.

Chapter Text

You were placed on bedrest for three days. You were pissed. The next morning as Kylo Ren left you in bed, the realization hit you. You were on mandatory bedrest… Orders from Supreme Leader to follow doctor’s orders. That woman had put you on bed rest for three days. You were glaring icily at the wall.


Matt, the radar technician, came out and stopped as your gaze snapped onto him. His thoughts of ‘oh no’ almost slipping through his mouth.


“Admiral.” It came out low, but his eyes were wide as you glared at him.


“Matt.” Even when you were naked, you were absolutely terrifying. His pride was smothered by worry as to what was going to happen to him. “Bring me a book, please. A stack will do better than just one as I’m going to be here for a while.” He nodded slowly, backing out of the room eyes still focused on you. Oh no, where were your books? He couldn’t remember if they were in your shared quarters that were still being built, or if they were on a shelf already in his rooms. His eyes darted around the room, landing on the books that he knew weren’t his. He grabbed thicker books, almost grabbing at random, a mixture of his battle strategy and your fantasy novels. It would have to do. He came in, your gaze much softer. Your eyes drifted to the table by your side of his bed. He placed the books by your side, standing awkwardly in place.


You let out a sigh, beckoning him forward with your arm. He dropped to his knees next to the bed.


“Give something to Kylo for me, will you?” Your head tilted to the side.


“Yes, Admiral.” Your hand held the side of his face, bringing him forward to your lips so you could kiss him.


“Tell him, I’ll be waiting.” With that you pressed another kiss to his cheek, grabbing the book on the top of the pile and started to read. He felt like his day was about to be incredibly long. As he left the calm of his rooms, he heard a thrum of life down the hall. As he got closer he could hear it. The General had not been exaggerating, the lot of the lower officers were talking about Kylo Ren and you. His day just got a bit more interesting.


“Matt!” One of his fellow radar technicians waved to him, calling him over.


“Reggie.” He knelt down next to the man that was the least annoying he’d found and took over the wiring he had been doing. Why did these damn calcinators keep need fixing!


“Matt, you’re friends or something with Kylo Ren, right?” He nodded distractedly, glaring at the part in his hands. “Is it true about all the rumors?”


“What rumors?” He should bring up this malfunction problem with the repair crew. He wondered if there was a newer model or at least one that was more reliable.


“The rumor where the Commander and the Admiral are an item, come on, man! It’s all anyone can talk about!” Reggie knelt back down next to what he considered a friend, a bit awkward and angry, but his friend. “People have been wondering if the bruises above her neck are from him choking her… but I can’t see that happening.” He paused, straightening his back to notice in his peripherals the small gathering around him. Everyone was looking on in interest. Did they all think he choked you?


“I don’t think anyone could choke the Admiral. I’m pretty sure those are his marks around her neck though.” He saw how the eyes of every worker around him widened.


“Is he marking his territory?” His eyes snapped onto the woman behind him who had nervously asked the question.


“Wait, nope, I can’t see the Commander giving her hickeys, let alone a strand of them around her neck. Besides, why would he mark her when she probably wears that collar thing around her neck for him?” Kylo suppressed his urge to smirk.


“But, I mean, the Commander is still human right? And who better to claim than the second most powerful person on base?” The same woman spoke. Women really were smarter.


“Admiral L/n is just as sweet as she is terrifying, which is impressive considering how terrifying she is. She’s also touchy.”


“When she fell onto the Commander he didn’t do anything, and he caught her by the hips, a lover’s catch if I ever saw one!” He quelled the sudden urge to befriend this woman.


“Matt,” Reggie cut in, eyeing him curiously, “You’re the only one who knows anything about Kylo Ren, is it true?”


“The Admiral can have anyone, I wouldn’t be… shocked if she was with him. Kylo Ren does think she’s most beautiful when she’s enraged though… Just not when it’s at him.” Matt shuddered inwardly at the thought of your angry eyes following him that morning.


“Oh my stars, I bet they’re weird together.”


“We should be working.” He ducked back into the wall, hearing the woman question if Kylo Ren wore a collar under his clothes. Now that was an idea.


It was a few hours past and many rewired calcinators later that he snuck back into his chambers, to see you naked and raiding the fridge. Oh no, he forgot to feed you. You didn’t look angry or feel angry, you just looked tired. He strode forward and picked you up, about to take you back to bed when you looked up at him, brows furrowed. His chest heaved in a sighing manner, but he placed you on the countertop, next to the stove.


“Soup.” He nodded and got to work, one hand resting on your thigh while the other carefully stirred as ingredients floated about his kitchen, slowly placing themselves in the pot as needed. “I don’t like the medicine, it makes me tired.” you muttered, eyes fluttering at him. He stepped to the side and took hold of your lower half.


“Arms and legs.” You nodded weakly against him, wrapping yourself around him. “Good girl.” And just like that your eyes were closed and your gentle puffs of breath were against his neck. He couldn’t leave you in his chambers like this, if someone were to get in, you would not be able to defend yourself. He wasn’t going to leave you unprotected. He held you tighter against him as his thoughts came to a conclusion, there were only two people he could let know.


Damn it.




General Hux and Captain Phasma were stepping through his threshold once again. He eyed them both carefully, his eyes motioning for them to sit. He was still holding you tight against him while you slept on him.


“The medicine Admiral L/n is on makes her too drowsy to defend herself. Captain Phasma, you will be stationed inside my rooms all times I am not, General Hux, you will be outside.” He gave out his orders quietly so as not to disturb your rest. A short chorus of ‘yes Commander.’ rang out as General Hux took his station outside, Captain Phasma stood at attention leaving with him while the Commander was still in the room, she would return when he left. He supposed the General thought it unwise to argue with him when you were in such a vulnerable state.


“Soup?” you nuzzled against him, exhausted, but so hungry.


“Almost. Go back to sleep.” Rather than feel your breath puffing against his neck, he felt your lips grazing his neck. He pulled you tighter against him.


“But then I’ll miss it.” Your lips were tracing his jaw.


“Sleep, Admiral L/n.”


“If you don’t wake me up, I’m gonna be real mad.” you muttered childishly, allowing your eyelids to fall again. A low whine echoed in your throat when you felt your arms and legs being unwrapped from him. How long had you been sleeping? Your eyes opened blearily, first catching the soup then his eyes blinking down at you. “Thank you.” He nodded and left, Captain Phasma entering.


This was going to be a long three days.




Something was off. You opened your eyes, still exhausted but made your way out of the bedroom. You saw General Hux and Captain Phasma fighting with a few resistance members disguised as… Port control? Superior Officer Roark? The sleep faded from your veins as adrenaline and anger took its place. They hadn’t seen you and your fellow officers were faring quite well as you snuck back into the bedroom. You eyed your belt and opened up both of the large utility pockets, extending both of your electric spears. You were out of the room as soon as the first spark came to life.


Captain Phasma hadn’t realized she was blasting a corpse until she saw a spear sparking out of its chest. You spun the weapons in your fingertips, before pushing two down onto the couch with harsh kicks to their sternums. You placed a spear at each of their throats as General Hux blasted one in the head.


“Get the Commander.” Your voice was harsh from sleep and lack of use, but it only made you sound more terrifying, especially with how your naked body was now painted by blood.


“Admiral, your-”


“Did I stutter? One of you had better get the Commander before I change my mind and tear these traitor’s throats from their bodies.”


The Superior Officer eyed you, chest heaving. You were on bed rest! How were you still moving with such power? She could barely focus, you had cracked her sternum, she had felt it on impact as she fell backwards. This was not how it was supposed to happen, you were supposed to be on bedrest, damn it. You were now calmly eyeing her and her companion, your stance and gaze never faltering. The blood of their fallen comrades was dripping down your face and onto your chest, it trailing down your body.


Kylo Ren entered the room and glared hard at the people you were pinning to the couch. He would find out what had happened later, for now, you needed to get back to bed. He pressed his chest to your back in a display of ownership and placed his gloved hands over yours, lowering your weapons.


“Go.” You nodded, collapsing your weapons and tiredly dragging yourself back to bed. “You have made a grave mistake, angering her. Lucky for you both you caught her on an off day, so you get to live a few more hours.” He tossed his helmet and mask aside, his glare intensifying. “Though I’m afraid you’re going to be begging me for death at the end of it.”


You fell asleep to the sounds of traitors screams, and strangely enough, you felt more at peace.

Chapter Text

He watched over you as you slept, covered in blood. He was going to find out what had happened in those moments leading up to your disturbance. Brown eyes roamed over the planes of your face down the slopes of your curves as you clutched a pillow to your chest. At least he had found the nest of spies, or rather he had disposed of them. A group of resistance supporters, not actual resistance. He figured, real members of the resistance never gave in so easily.


His eyes locked onto your face as he heard the change in your breathing. Your eyes slowly opened, your arms opening while your fingers twitched. Wordlessly he stepped over to you, folding you in his arms and taking you to the shower in the other room. He saw your eyes roam briefly over the cleaning crew in the center room, mopping up the blood. Your eyes flicked up to him, amusement on your brow.


“You made a mess.”


“You started it.” A smile graced your lips as he sat you gently in front of the mirror in the refresher. As he removed layer after layer you were shocked to see blood still stained his skin.


“You made a big mess.” you muttered, tilting your head to the side as he removed the final articles of his clothing.


“They tried to kill you.”


“They did a piss poor job.” A smirk rose the corner of his lips. The shower turned on behind you both as he replaced your weight in his arms. “I’m really hard to kill, believe me, better have tried and failed horribly.” You felt a pike of amusement spike in him. He stepped into the warm spray and slid his back down the wall, keeping you in his hold. “Am I even allowed to shower, I feel like I’m being held prisoner.” Your head fell to his shoulder as you both watched the water flow pink into the drain.


“You’re a terrible prisoner if you are.” His hand came to rub at the skin above your collar. “Glaring at radar technicians and ordering around Commanders are the actions of a prisoner asking for punishment.” You blinked innocently up at him, walking your fingers up his chest.


“Am I going to be punished, Commander?” Images of your head nestled between his thighs with a chain attached to your collar flashed in his head. Those weren’t his thoughts, he looked down at you.


“You’re getting stronger.” he mumbled, ignoring how his arousal sparked in his veins. You felt him grow against your thigh and you blinked.


“You saw that?” He wasn’t supposed to see that. Images of you chained by your collar with his hand holding you tight as he threaded his other through your hair to keep you in place flooded his mind. His eyes widened a fraction as he looked down at you, now pressing your forefingers together and avoiding his gaze while he was hot and hard on your thigh. “I’m sorry.”


Doctor’s orders were no sex… but you didn’t see why you couldn’t do that.


He gently grasped your chin in his hand, lifting your gaze to meet his. He had heard one phrase echoing in your mind that you had tried to suppress, but he was going to see what happened when he said it.


“Good pet.” He felt the muscles in your body tense, a gentle coo leaving your throat as you slumped against him. He rose a brow in amusement.


“Please?” You mouthed at his shoulder, heat flooding your veins.


“Yes, pet.” You felt your heart clench in your chest at the affection in his voice. You grabbed his hand, making him wrap your hair around it, before your lips started roaming across his chest, nipping and biting as you travelled lower on him. You felt a sharp tug on your hair, your eyes drifting up towards to his as you mouthed at his abdomen. His eyes were nearly black as you stared into those depths, your lips slipping further down. Your nose nuzzled into dark curls while his length rubbed against your neck.


“Master Ren.” you moaned out, your mouth finally coming to press against the base of him. You kept your eyes locked to his, but found it increasingly difficult as you felt like you were falling into him.


“Good pet.” He watched your hips roll against the tile of the shower, your thighs clenching together to relieve some of the pressure you felt building inside yourself. You opened your eyes, not realizing you had closed them, and looked up at Kylo. The heat in your stomach rose at how his eyes had softened their gaze on you as your breath puffed against his aching arousal. Your eyelids were heavy with want as you blinked up at him. Your hands gripped his thighs, spreading him further for yourself as you rose briefly in order to take him in your mouth.


Your fingernails bit into his skin as you moaned around him. His hand held your hair tight in his hand as you bobbed up and down, taking more and more of him as you went. He was deep in your throat when you moaned next and swallowed around him, the pleasure that shot up his spine made his hand yank you down. You let out the deepest carnal noise he had ever heard and it vibrated along him.


You pulled up slowly, your tongue working against his skin in slow circles, the wetness of your mouth and his arousal dripping down his length. When your mouth was fully removed from him he watched as you licked and sucked at him, your hands sliding down across the skin of his thighs to roll his stones in your palm.


He didn’t often see you so enthusiastic. “Good pet.” Your mouth dropped to his base, mouthing and slurping at him. Your hands drifted back to his thighs, squeezing in time with the rolls of your hips against the tile. Heat was flooding your body, waves of pleasure and pride were rippling out of him and into you, and it was making you dizzy. You let out a moan, slowly drifting upwards. Your eyes fluttered shut as you started sucking hard at his tip, your tongue swirling around and dipping into his slit.


“Good girl.” He murmured, his own eyes slipping shut as he let his head roll backwards. A delicate ‘coo’ vibrated behind your lips, your thumbs swiping over the slicked skin of his thighs.


You opened your eyes in time to see his length swell. You let out a groan as he spilled into your mouth. You greedily sucked him dry, your hand drifting down to roll his stones once more, trying to empty him fully. A supernova of white exploded behind his eyes as heat enveloped his body, tingled down his limbs and flooded into your mouth. He kept his eyes closed and reveled in the feelings you made rush through him. When he still felt your mouth on him he felt his soul re-enter his body. His eyes snapped open to see you lapping at him as he softened.


“Up.” Your eyes lifted to his satisfied gaze. A gentle tug on your hair made you lift your head. You were panting against his thigh, your eyelids heavy with arousal. He released his hold on your hair, watching the tendrils darken against his legs. “Turn over.” You did as you were told and rolled over onto your back. His arms hooked under your shoulders and pulled you up so you would lean against his chest.


His hands drifted over your water slicked skin, barely touching you when suddenly you felt his hand above your collar and one hand cupping your dripping sex. “Who do you belong to?” He tugged on the metal that now never left your neck and you let out a guttural moan, trying to buck up against his palm. “Who do you belong to?” That was the closest sound he had ever made to threatening you, an almost imperceptible lowering of his voice and it send a fresh wave of slick to cover his hand.


“You.” Those fingers curled, slipping into you with ease, though they remained still as you wriggled on them.


“Who do you belong to?” His teeth scraped against your neck before tugging at your collar.


“Ma-Master Ren.” His thumb started to roll over your clit while his fingers curled up against you.


“Good pet.” He felt your walls squeeze at him. He pressed an open mouthed kiss to the corner of your jaw. “Does my pet wish for her master to mark her?” That sentence had tingles spiraling through your bones as your hips jerked up into his palm, his fingers never stilling as you came hard, clenching around him.


“Yes, Master.” His teeth sunk into your neck, barely breaking the skin. He sucked hard leaving a dark purple bruise above your collar. Your orgasm doubled in sensation, leaving you crying out for your master. You slumped against his chest when his lips left your neck, his head coming to rest over yours.


You both sat in comfortable silence, your hands finding each other’s in the quiet.


“I didn’t expect you to catch on so quickly to that.” you smiled, his thumbs started to gently stroke the softness of your palms.


“I am surprised you did not express your wants sooner. I will always give my body to you.” You hmm’d in agreement. Because you both knew that while you may have called him master, and he may have called you pet, you both shared those roles, ever changing and switching in order to please the other. “I overheard someone wondering about whether or not I wore a collar under my clothes.” You vocally and physically purred, your neck rolled and a low hum vibrated through your chest.


“Yes, please.” He nodded against you. Those technicians were right, you both were weird with each other.

Chapter Text

Finally, you were off bedrest. You rolled over on top of your sleeping partner, your legs locking around his waist as you waited for him to stop ignoring you. The only thing that let you know he was indeed awake was how his fingertips started rubbing your knees.


“If you open your eyes, I’ll cook for you this morning.” A smile lit your face when his eyes snapped open.


“I thought you couldn’t cook.” Those eyes narrowed. You drew your chin back.


“I never said that. You’re better at it than I am, but I can do it.” You heard him groan as he rolled over, taking you with him.


“You’re in trouble, pet.” You blinked innocently at him, your arms rising to shyly wrap around his shoulders.


“Oh no.” He lowered his neck to press a kiss to your forehead. You weren’t quite sure how he did it, but he wrapped your legs tight around his waist and lifted from the bed, taking you with him. The prowess of a Sith Lord you supposed. He plopped you down in the kitchen and then leaned against your normal sitting spot.


“Go on.” Your brows furrowed as you looked at him. You felt a swift slap to your bottom. A surprised squeak left your lips as you gaped at him. You shook yourself out of your momentary stupor.


“Yes, sir.” You could feel waves of amusement rolling off of him as you ruffled through the fridge. You huffed, the moment you did you felt another slap on your bottom. You jumped and almost dropped the egg you were holding. That bastard. As the thought crossed your mind you felt another slap, this one smoothing over your skin after the hit. You did your best to contain your thoughts and follow orders.


Soon enough you were standing next to him, your focus strictly on the pan in front of you. You heard a pleased sigh as you felt arms wrap around you. “Good girl.” He felt chills erupt over the skin of your back and ripple over your arms.


“Thank you, sir.” He nuzzled into the back of your neck, his nose pushing aside your hair in order for him to eye the clasp of your collar. You felt a kiss placed over that clasp before his lips were just above it, mouthing at your neck. You relaxed back onto him as you continued to make breakfast. One of his hands smoothed over your side, cupping the wound from front to back in his hand.


“How is this today?”


“Fine. I’m stopping that damn medicine today.” You felt his smile being pressed into your hair. “Doesn’t even hurt anyway.” How could it when you had this man at your back, mouthing other calming sensations into you.


“Yes, Admiral.” And to think the day was only getting started.




When you followed him from his rooms, everything went silent in the halls. You had pulled your hair up today into a large tight bun on the back of your head, you looked pristine, except for the massive bruise on your neck that had teeth marks. No one would have thought you’d been on bedrest at all with how your eyes were sparking with excitement.


The power you were exuding from just your stride alone was intoxicating. Kylo Ren hadn’t noticed he had slowed his own stride just to watch yours. He felt the need to place a swift slap to your bottom, but resisted. It was only when the two of you reached the conference room he felt his anger kick in. General Hux and Captain Phasma were sitting silently at opposite sides of the table. When he stormed in they rose from their seats.


“Sit.” You nearly sat on the ground but held yourself back. The Commander stood at the head of the table while you took the seat in front of him. “What happened?” You leaned back, curious to the answer yourself.


“I had left my post to use the bathroom, when I returned, the door was open and Captain Phasma was fighting them off.”


“They had studied the Admiral’s fighting style and I couldn’t contain the situation.” The room was silent and the Commander was furious.


“Everyone’s training hours are doubled, hand to hand combat now required as well as disarmament training. This will never happen again.” The two nodded, you felt disappointment and sadness mixing from the both of them.


“So,” you looked to the both of them, “what did I miss in my drug induced stupor? Who covered my elite’s training time?” The General’s eyes widened as he looked at the table in front of him. “No one did… for fuck’s sake.” You rolled your eyes and stood.


“No training for three weeks, Admiral.”


“I’m not training, my elites are. They had better taken it into their own hands, so help me.” You rushed from the room. Static flowed through the air as tension filled the halls at the fire in your gaze. When you entered the training area you normally used, your elite’s were running through their normal drills. You held back a smile. “I hope you all had a nice rest, because training hours for everyone has doubled, luckily for you all we already know hand to hand combat and are proficient in disarming our opponents.”


“Yes, Admiral L/n.”


You were going to find a loophole around this ‘no training’ bullshit. Your mind was already working hard at finding a solution. Three weeks… yeah right.




The Commander stormed into the training arena when you were doing your one-on-one’s with only your upper body.


“Admiral L/n.” His voice a dark warning that everyone picked up on. You flipped your elite onto his back with the flick of your wrist.


“Commander Ren, how nice of you to join us today.”


“You’re not to be training, Admiral.”


“There is a difference between me training and me training my soldiers, Commander. I’m still following doctor’s orders.” Your soldier hastily stood up and once again tried to knock you down only for you to ruthlessly grip his head and shove it down to waist level. With a quick swipe of the leg on your safe side, he was once more spread out on the mats below. After a quick heave of breath he was up again.


“Admiral, you will stop physically engaging your elites in combat.” Your eyes shot over to him. You rose your hand in a stop motion.


“At ease, soldier.” The man nodded and stepped back from your form.


“Commander, someone needs to train these soldiers. They are my elites and they require my instruction. Someone needs to engage with them.”


“Fine.” With the snap of his fingers you heard the viewing room above empty, as if everyone was thrown through the door. He locked the viewing room’s doors and the training areas doors before his mask and robe came flying off of him. “Then they will engage with me.” You felt terror run up the spines of your elites. Your eyebrows rose, impressed with him.


“You have to promise me that you will follow my instructions. These are my soldiers, Commander, and I will not have their training compromised in any way.” His arms were folded behind his back, as were yours behind you.


“You have my word.” His voice echoed in your head, ‘I told you I would give my body to you.’ You released a sigh through your nose.


“Very well then.” There was stiff silence in the room until you heard someone mutter, “He looks like, Matt, the radar technician.” You then heard someone say, “I knew he had family here.” You felt irritation spike in him. “Commander, no use of the force while training with my elites unless given specific orders.” His eyes shot to you, you knew he was about to trip them.




“Let’s start. Elite Officer Sora, it’s your turn.” She looked at you as if you were crazy. It wasn’t until that very moment she actually believed the rumors. “Commander, widen your stance and keep your arms behind your back.” He did as he was instructed, his face oddly neutral. He didn’t even spare the other woman in front of him a glance. “Sora, try to land a hit on him, aim for his shoulders or abdomen. Commander, they only get to train with your arms if they can land a hit on you.” He nodded.


Her fists started out fast, though he was faster, bending and ducking as he slowly moved side to side. “Sora, concentrate on his chest now, throw your body weight into your arms and keep aware of your movements.” She was getting sloppy as she pushed herself harder. “Breathe soldier, even your breathing.” She slowed as she took a deep breath, when her fist came out next she had grazed his side, just barely, but enough. “Good work, soldier. Commander Ren, hands in front. Now, Sora, try to block his hits.”


Her forearms took a lot of his blows, but they were so powerful, and why did he look so bored? A spike of anger flooded through the Elite Officer, she lost her footing and the Commander swiped his arms hard at her thighs, knocking her hard into the mats. “Up, soldier, off the mats.” She pushed herself from the ground and fixed her stance and her breathing. In two quick strides you were beside the Commander. You smoothed your hand up his chest, straightening him out. “Use your height to your advantage, Commander. You’re tall, try to instill fear into my soldiers. Use your legs now. If they can stand their own against you, each one of them, their training for the day will end, if not, we’re all going to be here for a while.”




When both of you were back in the safety of his rooms, he turned to you, tossing his helmet away once more. “You’re ruthless.” You hadn’t been satisfied until each of them had at least held their own with him for at least a minute. You all had been there for several hours, the lot of your soldiers did well though.


“Thank you.” You sprawled out across the couch and eyed him. He dropped to his knees in front of you. “I still don’t understand why I can’t train them.” You pulled his face to your neck, where he placed a gentle kiss on the spot above your collar. It looked like he had mauled you. Even though he could feel the rush of pleasure flow through you as pain tingled in the spot.


“Once the stitches are out, we’ll see.” He took to the cut out on your chest placing gentle nips and kisses there. You could feel frustration rising in him from not being able to see your skin. You blinked at him while he started to remove your clothing, piece by piece.


“Not fair.” you muttered, stretching your neck out as his mouth returned to it.


“Doctor’s orders.”


“So that means no sex for three weeks?” He paused, pulling his head up to look at you sternly.


“Yes.” You let out a huff from your nose.


“This sucks.” His eyes softened.


“Pasta?” You hmm’d, coming to wrap yourself around him.


“Yes, please.”

Chapter Text

“Hi, I’m Brandon, from accounting.” Your head shot up from the back of the break room. General Hux… was wearing a beard and a standard issue accounting uniform. Matt, the radar technician, looked up from his spot a few tables down. He would know that voice anywhere. What was going on?


Supreme Leader kept his orders out for Commander Ren to continue his undercover work and Supreme Leader wanted General Hux to do the same, he wanted to know that Starkiller Base was safe for its people.


Matt, the radar technician, was glaring hard at Brandon, from accounting. They were both so awkward in disguise, you rested your head in your hand.


“Admiral, are you alright?” Your suddenly tired gaze found a lieutenant major’s concerned one.


“I’m fine.” Suddenly both men were in front of you.


“Do you need me to go get the Commander?” Matt asked, concern radiating from him.


“Admiral, do you require anything?” Brandon asked. Ever since Kylo Ren had been training your soldiers, people were under the impression that you had truly gotten hurt, little did they know, you were fucking fine and irritable as hell. Without training or sex to calm yourself you had taken to sneaking away in the middle of the night to brush back up on your dancing, it was like fighting, without weapons or the infliction of pain. You had never done this, especially not to Matt, but he felt anger rush through you. He immediately stepped back, happy he did as you opened the latches on your belt and spun your electric spears out from your fingertips.


You gracefully rose from your seat and set your glare on every single person in the room.


“You’ve all been under the impression that I was somehow weakened after the droid incident. You are gravely wrong.” You gripped one spear in your hand and stabbed it through the floor, leaning just beneath the blade as you spun the other one lazily in your hand. “I have been following doctor’s orders and my three weeks are up tomorrow. Do not let today be your last.” In a beautiful display of power and little effort, you pulled the spear from the floor and clicked them together in the center, making a wider spear and now the sparks that came from the ends formed into a bright purple light. You spun the weapon into the air, knocked Matt, the radar technician, lightly on the back of his head with your hand and caught your weapon. “The coddling ends.” It was quickly split and placed back into your belt.


You swiftly left, raising one hand in gesture for Matt to follow you, which he did with his head down.


You punched the numbers into the Commander’s room and entered, stripping yourself of your uniform. “Strip immediately before I cut your clothes off.” He didn’t think he had ever moved so quickly. He was naked before you in an instant, glasses removed as well as the wig. “Kneel with your hands behind your back.” Kylo Ren dropped to his knees before you, feeling arousal rush through his veins at your display of power and how your thighs were glistening. You gripped at the collar that now sat low at the base of his neck, tugging him forward. “Say what I want to hear, or you’ll continue to starve of my body.” You saw his eyes shut and his tongue wet his lips.


His eyes snapped open, his face filled with emotion and passion.


“I’m sorry.”


“Say it again.”


“I’m sorry.” You could tell how much he meant it. Your gentle fingers threaded through his hair. “I’m sorry.” He could see the fire leave your eyes. Seeing those beautiful lips hold themselves back from your skin made your chest burn. Those honeyed brown eyes were pleading with you for forgiveness. He ached to taste you.


“One touch. This is what I give to you.” You released your hold on his head, letting your hands fall to your sides. His gaze fell to your feet. Without missing a beat your leg was raising, your foot pushing firmly into his shoulder. He turned his head to press a gentle kiss to the arch of your foot. “Have you earned my forgiveness, Ren?”


“No.” His head fell, those beautiful black tresses falling in front of him. He felt your foot smooth over his shoulder, your calve slipping behind him to bring his face close to your aching need. Your hands smoothed over his head and he reveled in the touch of your skin to his.


“Yes you have, love.” You gently tipped his chin up, your eyes calm and your smile loving. You blinked once slowly rather than nod your head and his mouth descended upon you, his tongue slipping into your folds to lap at you. He was everywhere, desperate for you. “Calm yourself, love. Touch me.” His hands were grasping and kneading at your flesh immediately, his fingers slipping into you while his other hand clutched your hip pressing your need to his face as he lapped at you. You marveled at the passion boiling through him, his need to please you. But you were always pleased with him.


You sighed into the ether, your fingers smoothing through his hair. You felt his emotions mixed with your physical pleasure pulsing through your veins. He was trying to focus, but it was so hard, he felt everything, your pleasure, his throbbing need, the bite of the air in the room, your taste hot on his tongue, his long smooth fingers stroking your slicked inner walls, he was suffocating with overstimulation, from the raw emotion he released. A slight tug of his hair made his glazed over eyes open blearily to look up at you.


He had slowed in his motions, the weight of everything slowing him. Your eyes never strayed from his as he continued to lap, suck and nip at your clit while his fingers continued to slowly stroke at you, his movement lazy but precise. The wet sounds his mouth was making against you made your head dizzy. He felt one of your fingers tracing around the back of his collar, finally massaging the back of his neck.


A thick, heavy, guttural moan echoed in his chest and filled the room. He was drowning in you, all of his walls had fallen in order to please you so carnally and he loved it. You felt overwhelmed. You knew of all the walls he held up, even around you. He loved the peace you brought him now you could feel why that was so important. The power rushing through you was so strong, every nerve ending lit up inside you at his touch. It wasn’t dark, nor was it light, it was chaos in the middle, kissing you, stroking you, and it was maddening.


His aura was washing over you, raw and unbidden, you choked out a moan as it left your skin aflame. His soul was seeping into your skin, filling you. You had felt full but now you felt complete, as if a part of you that was lost had finally come home. This man below you was neither Kylo Ren nor the name he tried to forget. You had no other name for him other than, “Love,” that is what he was, “stop.” Your words were gentle and his head was clouded with so much. You opened your hand for him to grab, leading him to sit down on the edge of his bed. “Against the headboard.” He did as he was told and was newly fascinated as you straddled him. It was as if he was seeing you for the first time. His heart thudded in his chest… your balanced soul, neither dark, nor light, but something that shined even brighter, the silver lining of a sun shining behind a dark cloud. He was almost gasping for air, why couldn’t he breathe, why was there so much feeling rushing through him? He wanted to shut down but your bright c/l/r eyes refused to leave his, your hands cupped his face to keep him with you.


You sank yourself down onto him, but a flood of heat and pleasure burst from you. He could see it in your eyes and feel it in your body as your walls gripped at him desperately and massaged him to his own release within your depths, but he remained hard and began to thrust gently up into you. With every stroke of him inside you, your souls entwined deeper with one another, diving into unknown depths. He felt you to your very core and you to his, where you were steady, he was standing on shaky ground, threatening to fall into an abyss at any moment and it made you wrap your arms around his neck.


You would be the ground for him to stand on. He continued to jerk his hips up into you, your hips rising and lowering slowly to meet him.


“I’m yours.” he muttered.


“And I am yours.” He felt the pressure build in his spine and the back of his head as he came hard inside you for a second time, his fingers gripping your thighs to find purchase in this haze of emotion and pleasure. As those waves of comfort and heat rushed through his limbs, you cried out as a final stroke of your insides completed a soul bond between you both. He was shuddering under you, the weight of his actions finally settling in his chest.


He had bound you to him just as you had bound him to you. “Y/n, I’m sorry, I-”


“Stop.” Your arms held him tight to your chest, now slicked with sweat. “Stop, my love.” Your hand threaded through his hair as his hands clung to you with desperation. He had never wanted you to feel his weakness. But there was naught to do about what was done.




The next morning was strange. You could feel the entirety of him beside you, chaos held behind a wall. You didn’t hesitate to reach a hand out and stroke his cheek until he too woke, feeling the deep settled peace within you that was your soul. He felt the pad of your thumb and the warmth of your hand on him, the awe you felt as you watched him.


“I didn’t know you were this powerful.” you muttered. Beneath his relaxed exterior was the chaos and raw power to shred planets into oblivion. But all you felt radiating through him was that one word he was not allowed to say. “How do you maintain such control?” you scooted closer to him, ducking your head under his chin while his arms circled around you, his hand gently rubbing your thigh.


“You, training, meditation. Mostly you, now at least. How have you reached such a comfortable peace while sat in the middle of light and dark?” He tried so hard to accomplish that peace, but you could feel that while you sat on the line, he was being pulled by both sides, until people forgot about the fact that there was a person in the middle.


“I don’t know. I’ve been like this since I was young. That’s probably not what you wanted to hear.” Your fingers were drifting over the expanse of his skin, tracing scars you found along the way.


“How do you maintain it?”


“Fucking you.” His entire being stilled. You let out a loud laugh, rolling on top of him. “I am partly serious, but your reaction proves to be most amusing, Commander.” You pressed your lips to his. Your attempt at lightening the situation worked, you knew as you felt his lips gently pressing back up against yours.


“You’re imbalanced.” You grinned at the teasing note in his voice.


“Perhaps, but I’m yours.” His lips curled into a small smile. He grabbed your face with both his hands, stroking his thumbs across your skin with such affection and tenderness.


“As I am yours.” You grinned as you looked down at him, before nervously biting your bottom lip.


“I’m sorry I smacked you yesterday.” It was his turn to let out a laugh. The noise filled the room and it made you swell with pride.


“It’s alright.”


“I have a surprise for you… I had it done a few weeks ago but I want to show you now.” He nodded and you almost leapt off of him, running into the closet. He laid there, waiting patiently prepared to wait longer than he had when you came out a moment later. His brows narrowed in confusion when he saw nothing different. You returned to your spot above him and pointed to your collar. His eyes widened when he realized it was a different one, as this one read, ‘If lost, please return to Master Ren.” He blinked once before rolling you under him.


“Good pet.” Perhaps having an established soul bond wouldn’t change anything.

Chapter Text

Your stitches were gone and you were deemed safe to train by the same doctor who had stitched you up in the first place. Your soldiers were happy to have you back and it seemed like you had gotten faster in your non-training stint. Everything was going fine until you ran into Brandon, from accounting.


“Can I help you, Brandon?” Your eyes danced with mischief as you eyed the man.


“Captain Phasma would like to take you up on the offer you made to her a few weeks ago, but she would like to bring her significant other with her.” You tilted your head to the side with a nod.


“Alright, does tonight work for her?” He nodded and fled. You got the strangest feeling Phasma and Hux were together. Oh this was going to be a joy.


After your training that evening you hurried back to Kylo’s rooms as fast as you could. For some reason you felt like he already knew, but without confirmation, it still left you rushing. When you entered, a bit flushed, you saw him by the stove. The kitchen was awake with movement as all sorts of things were floating around him while he wore simpler clothes.


“I have another surprise for you, not sure if you’re going to like this one.” He turned his gaze over his shoulder for a brief moment.


“Is it a chain to match your collar?” You grinned.


“That’s next week actually.” He had been kidding but he turned at your answer and dipped into your mind to find that you weren’t lying. “Until then, Phasma and I think Hux, who happens to be her lover, I think, are coming to have dinner with us.”


“That’s not a surprise. I knew that.”


“Well, fine. I don’t have a surprise.” You murmured, pouting as you came forward and wrapped your arms around his waist. “You know me so well now, you ruined next week. And to think I was going to be waiting for you at the door naked and give you the chain to wait for further instruction.” you tutted. You felt him heave a sigh.


“Why is it hearing your thoughts out loud makes it even harder for me to do normal tasks?”


“Because you love my voice.” You pressed a gentle kiss to the center of his back, making him visibly shudder.


“Stop that, pet.” You clutched him tighter to you, hiding your grin in his back.


“Yes, master.” You both were soaking in the quiet for a moment when thought popped into your head. “Do…Is Phasma dressing up? Should I wear something other than my uniform?”


“I have no idea.”


“I don’t think she would spend hours sitting in her armor… I’m changing!” You practically bounced into the bedroom, ruffling around for something that wasn’t your uniform. You could only find Kylo’s clothes and your uniforms, it was like your things were disappearing from his closet and you knew damn well that he wouldn’t move them. You didn’t have time for this. Desperate times called for desperate measures.


When you heard the whoosh of the door open you flew out of the refresher and leapt onto Phasma. As she held onto your form, mostly in shock, you caught a bit of amusement in there, the menfolk were staring at you. “I just wanted you to know that I was going to be completely unprofessional during this visit, you are welcome to do the same.” You unlocked your legs from her waist and watched as she pulled her helmet off, revealing a bright smile.


“Perfect, because I’m about to start taking my armor off.”


“Feel free to strip in the living room, I do it all the time.” She let out a short laugh and started removing her armor and the under-material, revealing a navy blue dress. “I knew it!” You heard the sound of cork leaving a bottle and turned to see Kylo opening a bottle of wine. You and Phasma both stared in awe. “We have wine?”


“Yes.” You narrowed your eyes playfully while you walked towards the counter. You finally caught sight of Hux, pulling off his beard.


“Brandon.” Hux shot a glare at you. “…Armitage?” A smile cracked his normally severe face. “My goodness, it’s like no one knows how to relax on this base. The wine needs to start flowing.” Kylo smirked as glasses floated onto the countertop.


“So, do I keep calling you Phasma or Gwen?”


“Gwen is fine, Y/n.” She came to stand beside you as you started to pour wine into the glasses.


“Good. If we’re about to have dinner together I really don’t want to be calling you Phasma. It feels so… rude.” Your head quirked to the side as you handed her a glass.


“I would agree, however, I do believe they will be regarding each other as either Matt and Brandon, or Commander and General.” You both leaned against the countertop, watching them.


“I would agree, but that doesn’t mean we have to.” You noticed three of the four of you were bare foot. “Armitage, you can take your shoes off if you’d like.” You handed him a glass as well.


“I… I can do that.” You and Gwen chuckled into your wine glasses as he bent over to remove his shoes.


“Y/n, may I ask you something?”


“Of course.” You turned to face her, looking up as she contemplated her thoughts. You saw the Commander crack a smirk, it seemed, at her thoughts.


“Is that really a collar you wear around your neck?”




“Oh, that is very fun, you know, I have a garter Hux rather enjoys when I wear it.” The men’s eyes widened while Hux sputtered into his glass. “Oh please, Armitage, if Y/n can confidently admit to wearing a collar around her neck, why can’t I do the same?”


“I just didn’t know that topic was going to come up.”


“Men can rule but they can’t socialize worth a damn.” you observed.


“Agreed.” You cheered with the woman. “Also, what is your dress made out of?” She had been eyeing the dark fabric, wondering why it looked so familiar.


“Oh, this is one of Kylo’s shirts, I couldn’t find my clothes.” Kylo turned towards you.


“You’re wearing my shirt… as a dress?”


“Yes I am, I look very cute, I am well aware.” He released a sigh through his nose. Gwen was laughing in your peripheral.


“If it makes you feel better, Commander, all of my spare shirts have disappeared into her wardrobe.”


“Y/n likes wearing the technician get up around when she’s being lazy, I’ve had to get more so I can actually follow orders.” That was the connecting moment for the General and the Commander. Perhaps the night wasn’t going to be as awkward as you had thought it was going to be.


“They’re trying, it’s incredible.” She mouthed to you. You nodded in fascination as the Commander and the General made small talk as the General assisted in taking the food somewhere with the Commander. You both followed them into a dining room.


“When did this get here?” You tugged on Kylo’s apron.


“It’s always been here, you always drag your meals to bed, taking me with you.”


“…I didn’t know you had a dining table in here.” You tucked your chin down as you looked at him. “What other rooms have we not had sex in?!” Gwen spit her wine back into her glass as she laughed while Hux lit up like one of the stars outside.


“You haven’t even explored the rooms you’ve been living in for the last two months?”


“…No.” Kylo released a very audible sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Am I in trouble?” He straightened up and wrapped an arm around you.


“No, pet, you’re fine.” You relaxed into him.


“How many other rooms are there?”


“An amount that I know is now going to surprise you.” You noticed that Gwen choked back a laugh and Hux didn’t even try. He made a joke at your expense. You grinned up at him.


“You’re funny.”


“Eat.” He pulled the chair out for you. Why did this image make your heart flutter so much, perhaps because it was so sweet and painfully normal.


“Yes, sir.” You felt him press a kiss to the top of your head as he pushed your chair in. As everyone else sat, Kylo taking the seat at the head of the table, you noticed you were the only one who was painfully shorter than the rest.


“Y/n, what’s that look for?” Gwen asked.


“I feel so… short?”


“You are short.”


“…I think I’m just realizing this. Oh my, I stopped growing when I was 16…I never noticed.” Gwen grinned over the table at you.


“Are you having an existential crisis over your height?” You let out a laugh, nodding as you did so. “I always thought I was too tall for a woman.” she smiled at you.


“But you’re so beautiful and you’re legs are so long.”


“Well thank you. Though you should know you have very long legs for your height, you’re also impossibly curvy while still looking intimidating. That’s something to be proud of.”


“I’m tempted to jump on you again.”


“I’ll catch you all the same, my dear.” Kylo and Hux were fascinated by the both of you. It was like you two had known each other for years. It was almost as if the two of you were flirting with each other.


“You flatter me, Captain.” You gave her a saucy wink while she laughed at you.


“But Admiral, I only speak the truth, especially for you.” You were beaming at her.


“Will you show me the stars, Gwen?”


“Of course, my dear, but it seems the only stars I care about are in your eyes.”


“You make me blush.” You ducked your head into your shoulder, pretending to shy away from the compliment.


“But, Y/n, I haven’t seen a rose in so long, allow me to gaze upon your cheeks?”


“Only if you would allow me the same respect to your garter, my sweet creature.”


“You’re a fiend in disguise, though I would always oblige you the courtesy.” You both burst into laughter while Hux and the Commander stared at you both like you were insane. As you both calmed, your gazes fell onto the men in the room.


“I’m not doing whatever just happened with him.” Kylo immediately warned, only causing the both of you to laugh once more.


“Love, you don’t have to do that. It’s alright.” You grabbed his hand. He was doing incredibly well, considering.


“Y/n, I’ve heard a rumor about you recently?” Hux, took a sip of his wine as he addressed you.


“If it’s about how Kylo Ren and I are together, I can neither confirm nor deny.” You said, standing from your seat to sit on his lap. Gwen let out a laugh while Hux rose a brow.


“You’re so funny.”


“Thank you, but yes a rumor, what about?”


“Have you been sneaking out to dance in the training areas?”


You were quiet for a moment, glancing from Hux’s interested face to Kylo’s now rather amused one.




“So the holograph chip that’s been circulating the base is you?”




“There’s a chip circulating the base of a woman who looks suspiciously like you performing in what appears to be a half-time for a fighting performance.” As he rose his brows at you, yours rose in surprise.


“No way, do you have it?”


“I do actually.”


“Lemme see it!” You thrust out your hand. He dropped the chip into your hand. “I wonder which one it is, I always did these for extra cash… This is so unreal.” You stood quickly to grab the datapad in the drawer. As you entered the dining room you paused, still mildly shocked this room even existed. Kylo’s arm wrapped around your waist before you sat in your seat, pulling you into his lap with ease. “You know this means I’m going to eat from your plate, right?”


“Of course, now that you have my interest piqued, would you play it, please?” The Captain and the General didn’t think they would ever get over how normal you two were together.


“Yes, sir.” You slipped the chip into the drive and watched as an old fight came up. You activated the holograph projector on the datapad so everyone could watch it. As realization dawned on you, you blurted out, “I was seventeen, don’t judge me!” A hand smoothed down your back just as that damn slow, sensual music started.


Kylo’s eyes widened as your body flowed across the table, that velvet voice ringing in his ears. “Do you still have that?” he muttered, pointing to the sheer dress you had on that billowed around you as you danced and sang across the table.


“…No, but I can figure something out if you want.”




“For fuck’s sake.” Your head fell into your hands.


“I think you look great.” Gwen chuckled out. “Is that how you move so well, dancing?”


“It’s fighting without landing punches and without the violence.”


“I’ve never thought of it like that.”


“The speed is necessary in order to perfect the timing, the speed is necessary in order to cut your opponent down before they have a chance. It’s all relative.” You waved your hand, still trying to ignore your 17 year old self dancing about a fighting arena. “This has been going around the base? Ahh.” Kylo was chuckling behind you.


“I think the Captain is right, you look beautiful. Calm down.” He muttered the last words against your temple.


“I did it for the money.”


“You sound good too.” Hux chimed in.


“I am powerful, damn it!”


“Yes, terrifying actually.” Kylo Ren nodded. “Though, not there. You look like a sex goddess.”


“Did…Did you just?”


“I want to see you in that dress.”


“You did. Oh, oh, no. Have you been drinking, because I have.” He was quiet for a moment.


“I’ll get another bottle. Pause it.” He handed the datapad to the General, depositing you on your own seat before leaving.


“Damn it.” You were blaming this on Brandon.




“He won’t say it, but he had a wonderful time as did I. I hope we can do this again.” The Captain was smiling as she redressed in the living room, replacing her armor.


“I agree, though next time, I think I’ll stop the Commander on the third bottle. He’s the better host.” You handed her her helmet, “And I know he won’t say it, but he had fun, I mean look at him.” You both turned to look at the menfolk. Hux was replacing his beard and the Commander was smirking, looking through his peripherals at the General while trying to seem inconspicuous. “We’ll do this again, either with more or less wine.”


“Brandon is going to get drunk next time he’s here.” You were grinning at each other. “Brandon, it’s time to go.” As they left you felt two arms wrap around you possessively.


“I think we read that jealousy wrong. I think Hux was pissed he couldn’t do what we were doing…” you murmured.


“I agree.” His lips were pressing into your cheek.


“Was it terrible? Did you enjoy yourself?” He was quiet, though you knew he had fun.


“I want to see you in that dress.” You let out a groan. “Would you dance for me?”


“…I can’t dance anymore, doctor’s orders.” He nudged his nose against your cheek.




“But it’s embarrassing without music…”


“You can sing for me too.”


“You’re not reading this situation right.”




“But it’s so embarrassing.”


“Please, Y/n.”




“Please.” He pressed a kiss to the corner of your jaw.


“You’re cheating again.” You felt his fingers grasp at your hips, massaging you. “Cheating.” His hands drifted up you to delicately roll your breasts in his hands. “Cheating really hard.”


“Please.” You huffed out a sigh.


“Sit down, I’ll be right back.” Smug little…Smug tall smirk machine, yeah. You felt his amusement at your thoughts. “Sit down!” you shouted out. Shit, you were drunk and about to dance and sing for your Sith Lord…Boyfriend? No that seemed so insignificant, he was more. Manfriend! No, that didn’t feel right either…Lover? That was closer, but still didn’t carry the weight he meant to you…Soulmate. Perfect, Sith Lord Soulmate, but more emphasis on the soulmate. Yup, that was what he was. Damn it, what did you come in here for?


“Clothes” echoed through your head in his voice. Yeah, yeah, he was right, you were changing your clothes so you could dance for him. You were going to dance all over him, so tall and imposing, and handsome. Why was he so attractive? This wasn’t fair, he was so tall and you felt so short. Damn it! What the hell were you in here for? You felt him behind you.


“You are too distracted right now.”


“No, I’m gonna dance all over you.” He rose a brow as you stumbled around the closet trying to take off his shirt that you had fashioned into a dress. “I’m trapped, help. Some asshole tied this too tight.”


“You tied it.”


“Damn it, why did I do this?” With a few well-placed tugs, the sleeves fell from your waist, allowing you to pull the garment from your body before you almost fell to the ground. “Am I too drunk to dance on you?”


“I think so.”


“Yeah, me too. I will dance all over you another time. All over your big tall body, with my shorter… wider body. All over you!”




“Yeah, that’s right it’s okay, I love you, damn it. Oh no. I’m really drunk, are you mad at me?” He let out a sigh.


“I’m not mad at you.”


“I drank most of the wine, and that was a bad move.” You tried to pull your underwear off, tried being the key word as your mind was swimming, your focus was nonexistent and you were far too precious and pouty for the Commander to be upset with you. “I’m trapped again.” He knelt before you, pulling the article over your hips. “Sure make it look easy, I’m not even mad.”


“You sound upset.”


“Because you made it look so easy!”


“I’m sorry.”


“Don’t apologize, you apologizing to me just makes me want you in inappropriate ways.” You threaded a hand in his hair. “You’re too handsome. Stop it.” He rose his brows as yours furrowed. “It’s not working. Tall… smug smirk machine.” He sighed against your thigh. You were funny, drunk off your ass, and his. “Damn right I’m yours, pretty boy.” Your force awareness always rose and fell at the oddest moments.


“Are you tired?”


“I can’t go to bed with you like this. I also need a shower, and tiles are wet and slippery and dangerous when I’m drunk.”




“I promise I won’t throw up. I don’t think you would be happy with me if I did that.”


“If you feel like you’re about to, let me know.”


“I’m not going to remember that, but I’ll try for you.” He started ushering you out of the closet. “Are we gonna shower, Master?”


“Yes, pet.”


“Am I still allowed to touch you?”


“Yes.” You smiled trying to rid yourself of the last item on your body. You were tugging at the back of your bra before you got frustrated and pulled it over your head to throw it down the hall. “Good job.”


“It wasn’t as easy as you made it look.” You entered the refresher and promptly sat down in the shower. “I’m ready, let it rain down on me!”


“It’s going to be cold.”


“That’s probably for the best.” You felt cold water shock over your skin. You sucked in a deep breath, a bit of sobriety filling you. “Oh no, I’m so sorry, Kylo.” As the water warmed you felt a chest to your back.


“If I’m not allowed to be sorry, neither are you.” You nodded loosely against him. You felt soapy fingertips being pressed into your scalp. He had always secretly wanted to wash your hair. It always looked so soft and full. As he rubbed sudsy hands into your hair, he felt a sense of calm rush through him and realized it was you, you liked having your hair played with. “Do you like this, pet?” You went boneless against him.


“Yes. It feels nice whenever you touch me.” you muttered.


“Can you turn around for me?” You nodded, spinning on the wet tiles.


“That was me dancing for you.”


“Thank you, now tilt your head back.” You did as you were told, his fingers tugging at your hair to release the tangles. Your eyes were finally able to focus on him. His face was relaxed. You rose a hand to gently trace over his features. High cheekbones and sloping cheeks that led to a dramatic jaw line. Those full lips tugged into a soft smile as you traced them as well. “Are you memorizing me?” You nodded, trying to scoot closer to him. His eyes met yours, those dark, devastating eyes that made your heart throb in your chest.


“Arms out.” That smile remained as he took care in making sure you were spotless. You let out a sigh as his hands rolled over your breasts, bubbles and soap smearing over them.


“We’re naked more often than we’re clothed… Is that strange?”


“I don’t think so. Legs.” You stretched your legs out, the backs of your knees resting on his thighs.


“I really like you.” you muttered, eyes casting to the soap and water gathering between your legs.


“I know.”


“But, really like you. I enjoy you whenever you’re around and when you put up with me. Physically, I can destroy armies, mentally you can whither planets. You’re so strong… you know I would rip through entire regimes if you ever asked me too. I like you and I love you.” His hands never slowed or stilled, but you felt his heart stutter in his chest and felt once more emotions swirling in him that he was never allowed to name. You were allowed to love him, but he wasn’t allowed to love you, or at least give it that name.


“I know.” Even as he washed the most intimate parts of you, he didn’t blush nor did that smile fade. “Do you feel better now?” You nodded. This was the cleanest you had ever felt.


“Can I do you now?” His brows rose. “Please?” He nodded. “Cross your legs, please.” Those long legs folded in front of you. You sat yourself in them looking around for soap. He held a bar for you in his hand. “Thank you.” Even though with how harshly you rubbed your hands over the bar, when you unceremoniously dropped it between your bodies, your hands were gentle as they tangled into his hair. “I only ever want to make you happy.” you murmured, fingertips rubbing small circles over the back of his head. “You deserve to be happy.” You cupped your hand over his eyes as you rinsed his hair with your other hand. “I’ll fight for you until there’s nothing left.” He had seen the depths of your devotion, but hearing you say it with such conviction made him feel like he was already ruling the world. Your eyes were burning.


“I know, pet.” Your hands slid down his body to grab the soap.


“Stop that. I have a hard enough time controlling myself when you say that and I’m sober.”


“I’m sorry, pet.” He saw shudders wreck through your body. He wrapped an arm around your waist when you fell forward.


“Cheating, so hard.” You felt his smile pressed into your neck. “You’re enjoying this too much.”


“I like you too.” You didn’t bother protesting when he gathered you up in his arms and took you to bed.

Chapter Text

Your head was pounding. This is why you didn’t like getting drunk, you remembered now. You always got the worst hangovers. You shivered deeper under the blankets, clinging tighter to your bedmate. He felt pain pulsing through your skull and wrapped his arms around you. You were shivering, even though you felt warm.


“I have a wine headache… I would prefer to be speared through by shrapnel again.” He was silent, listening to your sleep graveled voice. “How many other rooms are there?”




“You’re right. I am very surprised by that number… How much did you hear last night? I remember going to the closet and then… Sith Lord soulmate.” You hid under the blankets, your cheeks were red from embarrassment.


“I heard everything.”


“You can lie to me. Oh no. Are you mad at me?”




“I told you that I would dance all over your big tall body.”


“And you had better keep your word.”


“…Smug smirk machine. I made you give me a shower…”


“Yes you did.”


“Why do you put up with my shit?”


“Because physically you would end regimes if I asked.”




“And you would fight for me until there was nothing left.”




“And you want to dance all over my big tall body.”


“…Jerk face.”




Hux was paging your number over the base. This hadn’t happened in a while. A flood of anger that didn’t belong to you made your eyes widen. “Keep running your drills, Superior Officer Sora, if I’m not back in ten minutes, take over.” The woman nodded as she ran, you turned to leave, feeling that anger strengthen as you sped through the base. You cut into a run as you saw people running away from the central command center. When you entered the room, Hux promptly left and you looked over to see a terrified Major being cornered into the wall.


“Major, take your leave, now.” He scrambled away, Kylo Ren’s light saber still burning bright through equipment. “Commander Ren?” The light saber left his hand and slammed against the wall. “Kylo Ren,” you had never seen him this angry. You approached him slowly as his chest rose and fell violently with the heaves of breath he was taking. His anger changed, this wasn’t an angry Kylo Ren, this was a panicked one. He was having an anxiety attack. You turned around, locking the door behind you and destroyed the surveillance before rushing over to him and unlocking the mask from his face.


His eyes were staring at yours, panic, fear, anger, still rushing through him. A flash of a name, Luke Skywalker… You backed him up into a seat and slowly wrapped your legs around his waist, twisting your fingers into his hair. “It’s alright.” He could feel your body around his but it wasn’t tight enough. His hands were tugging you as close to him as was possible. He couldn’t feel your skin through his gloves. You felt the flames of a console behind you as it exploded into a mess of sparks. You gripped his wrists tight in your hands, quickly tugging off each glove with your teeth before placing his hands on your cheeks.


He was gasping for breath, but he could feel your skin, he was touching you. Tears silently flowed from his eyes, your lips carefully kissing each one from his cheeks. “Breathe for me, love. Breathe for me.” He took another deep breath, the feel of your hands slowly stroking through his hair finally registering. His eyes couldn’t focus, he couldn’t see you even though you were right in front of him. Another console burst behind you. “I’m right here.” Your voice was right in his ear and you felt his arms wrap around you again, crushing your body against his. “I’m not going anywhere.” His breathing finally slowed, his eyes tiredly opening and seeing your familiar mess of hair in front of him.


“I’m not going anywhere and I’m never leaving.” His body slumped back into the seat, exhausted and drained. His breathing evened out as he felt your cheek slowly rubbing against his neck and jaw. “I’m never leaving. I’m right here.” You could feel how tired he was, his body was overloaded with emotion. “I’ve got you, love.” There it was, he could feel the gentle press of your soul as he laid into it with his mind.


You would always be the pillow for his darkness.




His voice was calling out for help. In the midst of the madness, you heard him echoing in your mind. Flashes of snow and trees. You rushed yourself to the docking bay. With everyone trying to abandon ship, it wasn’t hard for you to blend in with the madness. Phasma spotted you not among the escape pods, but among the snow-crafts. You settled on a small one, crafted specifically for speed and in the next moment you were gone.


It was always cold, but the crispness of the air was biting into your skin. You felt nothing as you wove in and out of trees and snow piles. His call was getting weaker, but you could feel him just ahead. There was a gaping split in the land but you pushed faster, your vehicle almost crashing into a tree.


You leapt off of it and started searching just as his voice faded from your mind. You tried to calm your breathing but nothing helped. The base had just been torn to shreds, the weapon blown up, and he was hurt. He needed you. You felt a wave of eerie calmness come over you. You would find him, his blood was still pumping through his body. He was close. You passed closer to the ravine and felt a pull. You dashed forward and nearly fell, spotting him laying bleeding in the snow.


You slung his arm over your chest, wrapping your arms around him and heaving him onto your shoulder. You were always small in comparison to him, but your body was a power house of strength. You walked him over to your vehicle and tried to place him as gently as you could before swinging a leg over. He couldn’t hold onto you, so with one arm holding his both wrapped around you, your legs wide open as you placed his over yours so you could keep track of him, you dashed back over that ravine and back to the crumbling base.


The medical staff were probably overwhelmed, but you could handle his injuries. Your mind had finally calmed with his body pressed to your back, even though his mind was quiet in his unconsciousness. You could still feel his soul burning brightly and even more torn than it had been before. It was like his soul was about to split in two. This fight was ruining him.


As you skidded back into the docking bay, you noticed everything had calmed down. You kept his limbs wrapped around you as you stood. Phasma rushed forward seeing you returned with the Commander on your back and you ignored how she smelt like actual garbage. It was as if she knew what you had been doing when you left because she was pulling a medical slab behind her. She helped you carefully place the Commander on it, as you placed your jacket over his face.


That was your privilege, these people hadn’t the right. You both pushed him onto the Command Shuttle, silence filling the cabin as the pilot rushed away from the exploding planet. General Hux was staring at you both, but you could only focus on Kylo. When the shuttle docked onto the Finalizer, you pushed him quietly to the infirmary. As you had expected there was a flood of people inside. But silence followed you in as you grabbed the necessary supplies to check over and dress his wounds. You grabbed the doctor who had stitched you up and pulled her along with you as you entered your surprisingly untouched shared rooms with the Commander.


“See if anything requires micro stitching, if so fix it, then leave.” She nodded and quickly looked over his wounds, finding no torn or harmed veins or arteries. She informed you that none of his vital organs had been harmed and left. You started removing bits of his clothing, stitching him up as wounds revealed themselves to you. Luckily it was mainly just a blaster hit to his side. It seemed to have come from a distance as it didn’t pass all the way through him. It missed his vital organs by centimeters. Your stitches weren’t as pretty as hers had been, but you figured yours wouldn’t bother him. You pulled your jacket from his face and sighed.


Parts of the wound were bleeding, other parts were just grey and dead. He had been hit by a lightsaber and nearly missed his head getting split in two. You carefully started dressing his wound, applying astringent and removing the dead skin carefully before you placed bandages and salve on his face and his other wounds. He was fine, and that was all that mattered to you. You wrapped his arm around your chest, carefully replacing him on your back.


You carried him over to his bed. You made sure to ease his comfort as much as you could. You kept yourself calm as you slipped to your knees at his side. You thoughtlessly placed his hand over your head and willed your soul to mend his.


If you had to stitch his soul together with your own to make him happy, you would. With that thought, your eyes slipped shut.




When you woke up, you were in bed, confused and sore from kneeling what you assumed was most of the night previous. You were alone, but you could feel him, moving through the base. With that you guessed it was business as usual, though you could feel how distracted he was, his unstable emotional state calling out for you as you both tried to make it through your days.




You were unwavering in your stride as you approached the rooms you now knew so well. When you entered you saw an exhausted man walking towards the bedroom. You followed behind him silently. You felt nerves and an aching sadness pulse through him. He had never felt so lost yet so on the right course. His plans were deep, and this was just one more step closer to his goal, he was prepared for this feeling, but that didn’t mean it made it any easier.


You carefully acted on the task of removing his clothes, feeling all sorts of pain radiating though his body. When you removed his helmet, you hadn’t expected to see those eyes red and watery, though you didn’t press the matter.


“I killed my father.” The words were as hollow as he wished he felt. You stilled your actions, almost stopping until you felt an invisible hand tugging on yours to continue. You knew his plan, but hadn’t expected for it to happen so soon. “I’m tired.” You heard his words echo in his head. ‘I’m a monster.’


“You’re not a monster.”


“You wouldn’t be saying that if I treated you the way I treat nearly everyone else.” He muttered, falling back onto the bed.


“Try me. Put me in a choke hold, run your saber through me, I’ll never think of you as a monster.”


“You are a fool.” You tugged his boots from his feet, slowly pulling off his socks.


“You’re right.” Silence ruled for a few long moments, the air heavy with grief.


“I asked him to help me. His last actions were done in order to further a cause he knew nothing about, but even as I ran him through, he still loved me.” His eyes were closed as tears rushed over his cheeks. You sat behind him, his body screaming for him to not move as he curled around you, resting his head in your lap. “How am I supposed to hide this?” He was morose with guilt, it eating away at him.


“You don’t have to right now. Put down your walls for me, love. I’ll help you put them back up later.” You felt a wave of chaos, anguish, fear, anger and a nearly heart stopping pain wash through you. Your fingers never stilled in his hair as your stable and centered soul wrapped around his, keeping him from breaking in two. He felt your fingers trace around the bandage on his face, quiet tears now slipping from your eyes. Even though he felt such aching loss for a man he never really knew, he didn’t feel alone.


“How did you do it?” Both of your voices were quiet, hushed and gentle.


“My father had been sick for so long, him asking me was the least I could do. I knew he wanted peace. Han wanted you to be happy, all parents want that for their children. My father wanted me to be happy, and only trusted me enough to be the one to end him. Perhaps Han felt he was ready. He had been running from this fight a long time, love. Maybe this was his last gift he could give you, you should treasure it even though it causes you such pain. Have this motivate you.” He soaked in your words, slowly feeling your peace envelope him.


“And you still are at balance?”


“You sit in the middle as well, love. You just have people trying to tug you in different directions.”


“I’m so tired, Y/n.”


“Then sleep, my love.”


“Talk to me, please.”


His eyes shut as your velvet voice spoke words of love to him, stories of you in your prime fighting career, people you met along the way, but he finally fell asleep when you told him, “Goodnight, Ben.”

Chapter Text

He nuzzled into your thighs. He wanted to go back to sleep, stay here in this peace you both had, relish in the connection you two shared, bask in the love that you always gave him, but he had to show up to his training with Supreme Leader. His insolence would not be tolerated. He had an hour. He felt your body uncurl from around his head, your hands searching for him. He carefully moved his still aching body to rest in the safety of your arms.


“I love you.” You always said it with such admiration and affection, always aimed at him. He rubbed his cheek against the softness of your chest. “My beautiful love.” He felt your lips pressed against his temple. No other voice could compare to yours, smooth and velvety, rich in how you expressed yourself. He felt your heart pulse with the rush of affection you must have felt from him. He loved how he had come to know the language of your body, of your mind, now of your soul, still carefully wrapped around his to give him peace in the night.


“I have to leave.” he muttered, even though he pressed himself tighter against you, your arms tightening around him.


“It’s alright, love.” Your fingers threaded through his hair would be the death of him. The gentle press of your fingertips rolling against his scalp and light tugs that sent waves of calm over him. He pulled away, only ever wanting to be with you, but got ready anyway. You were at his side, in the shower and re-dressing his bandages. When his temporary mask came on, he felt his back straighten, his side aching and his shoulder stiff. “Go be strong, I’ll be here when you return.”


That’s right, all personnel had been called off their jobs in order to re-organize the mess left by the resistance, except for you and few others. At least this meant he could come back to you all the sooner. He put his real mask on as he left the peace within his rooms. His pain subsided with each step he took, every step away from you he felt the walls of his mind snapping back into place. He could still feel remnants of your soul wrapped around his own. Perhaps you now carried a touch of his chaos with you as well.


As he entered the meeting room his final wall was placed, wrapping securely around his mind, keeping all of his emotions for you at bay while Snoke trained him. As a Knight of Ren he was allowed to feed off of his emotions, but too much and like you had said, he would whither a planet.


By the time he had strode back to his rooms, he was ready to fall into your arms.




When he entered he saw you in his usual spot at the stove, though things weren’t floating in the air, your work was spread over the countertop, except for the spot by the stove. He didn’t bother holding back his tired smile. His helmet came off, the hiss breaking the silence. When you turned, hair spilling over your back, his eyes widened.


You were wearing what he would have thought to be that same beautiful sheer gown he had seen you dancing in from that night that seemed so long ago. You opened up your arm, and he came to you like you were a beacon. His arms wrapped around you, not caring about his body screeching out against him, the feeling of your soft and yet strong body pressed against his chest made it worth the pain.


“You look beautiful.” He murmured it into your hair, though he felt your arousal spike. He smiled. He could see all parts of your body through the incredibly sheer black fabric, that was the difference, this dress was clearly designed with him in mind. He leaned into your mind, searching for the memory of you designing it. He caught it and nearly laughed when he heard you tell the uniform designer, “I need it to look like I’m wearing something but really my nipples just need to be seen clearly through the fabric.” He pressed his smile into your hair.


“Thank you.” He hmm’d against you, thoroughly tired, yet as always, wondering where you would take him in the night, whether it be new depths of himself, or of you, literally and metaphorically, or if you would wrap yourself around him, trying to heal his soul with yours. OR there was the option of pulling out a bottle of wine and seeing you get drunk again. He briefly entertained himself with that image, you stumbling about in his closet saying you were trapped in his shirt. Sith Lord soulmate. It finally dawned upon him you didn’t realize that he was not a sith lord of any kind.


“I’m not a sith lord.”


“…You’re not?”


“I am a Knight of Ren. We stand in the middle, trying to find true balance between the pull of two sides. If you should ever allow for your Force awareness and sensitivity to grow, you could become my boss.”


“I am your boss.” He couldn’t stop the swell of his chest in a short laugh. He felt your heart stutter in your chest, happy that you had made him laugh.


“Yes, Admiral.” He heard your thoughts quite clearly. ‘Shit, how did I fuck up his title? Knight of Ren… That’s so much more badass than a sith lord or a damn jedi.’ He nearly let out another laugh. ‘He’s my Knight of Ren, how beautifully poetic.’ He allowed himself to calm down in the spaces of your mind, unwinding in your thoughts, what you had to do, thoughts about your day, thoughts about him. He felt privileged to be able to freely have access to your mind, he knew there were very few in the Order who had nothing to hide, particularly around him. But he was always welcome in the sanctity of your mind, your amusing thoughts and your sometimes troubled ones.


“…Knight of Ren. So that’s why your Knight’s of Ren are called that. I feel rather foolish right now.” He felt the flush of embarrassment, though it was uncalled for, many thought him to be a Sith Lord.


“Stop.” He pressed his lips lazily to your cheek, nearly doubling over you in order to do so. He suddenly felt his hunger, ravenous actually, in his tiredness. He looked over to see you were cooking pasta. He thanked everything in the galaxy that you were his.


“Yes, Master.” He felt that heat low in his abdomen spark to life. Your call to subservience was so… debauched. He let out a soft moan against your cheek, feeling your body tremble lightly in response. He needed to eat, then please you and fall asleep with you tight in his arms. He didn’t even care about the order anymore.


When you had finished, he didn’t bother removing himself from your form, he just grabbed a fork and started. He heard your thoughts, hiding his smile. ‘My sweet, tired Commander, all notions of propriety are leaving him, cute smirk machine.’ He rubbed his gloved hand slowly over your side, unthinking of the motion but it brought him and you gentle waves of calm none the less.


He could feel how your souls were entwining around each other, his desperate to grasp onto solid ground and yours opening to hold him. He was always curious as to why you allowed for such domination over yourself, especially because he could feel the untapped power of your soul, the hidden reaches of your power that had never been sought for. He may have been able to whither planets, but if you were trained properly, you could destroy entire systems with the snap of your fingers. Perhaps it was because the thought of having that much power frightened you, how it might corrupt you for either the light or the dark, when you preferred to live your life in grey.


He was starting to dislike how Snoke asked him every time he saw him if your force awareness was getting stronger. It was, every day. You might not have been able to feel it, but he could, though all that power… you had never even tried to open its depths, perhaps you didn’t know.


When he had come to from being in your thoughts and his own he noticed you had turned in his arms and that the pot was empty.


“You’re distracted.” It was a soft murmur against his lips.


“It would appear so.” You sucked his lower lip into your mouth, your tongue gently rolling around it before you softly bit at his skin. “You have my attention now.” His breaths were coming out a bit more shallow.


“Do you want me to dance for you?” He felt his head nodding at the images that flooded his mind.


“But it’s embarrassing without music.” he muttered, nipping at your neck, feeling you let out a laugh as it vibrated under his lips.


“Then I’ll just have to sing for you too.”


“Please.” What had he done in his life of horrors and loneliness to deserve you? He felt his body being carefully pushed into the bedroom. He felt the careful and easy touch of your hands as you assisted him removing his layers, his side stretching painfully and his shoulder aching in protest with every move. When he was finally in nothing but silk shorts, you seemed satisfied. You backed him up onto the bed.


“Do you want me to dance on your big tall body?” He smirked.


“Yes, please.” You backed up from him, intent to truly get his mind off of everything but you. He could feel the music in your head being projected into his, sounds of an instrument so familiar yet so new again. You were still as you watched him carefully before raising your arms.


Your words were low, eyes focused on him as lyrics fell from your lips. Your movements seemed to mimic longing, reaching for him, your voice full. He wanted to crawl to your feet.


You were moving ever closer to him, your movements mesmerizing him as you were an arm’s length away. Your voice reached for the heavens, rich in love and in affection. Your limbs were finally slowing as you stood between his legs, your voice rising in feeling making his heart clench. You would follow him into the dark, and he knew you wouldn't look back.


He wasn’t registering all your words or your movements, he was just captured by the burning fire in your eyes as you watched him watch you, your body ever contorting into beautiful shapes, floating through his room like a goddess.


In the middle of the last chorus, you had carefully placed your legs on the outsides of his thighs, all the raw unfiltered emotion you held for him flaming in your gaze. He wanted everything and as soon as the thought crossed his head, you were raising the thin dress over your head, your hair wild and tousled from dancing in his room for him.


The warmth of your hands sliding over his chest was a calm in the fire he was sure he had in his own eyes.


He felt your hands tangle in his hair and he wanted nothing more than to claim your lips. You were on him the next moment, lips carefully moving against his as strands of moans and coos echoed in your chest along with your heartbeat. He pushed his body back so he could rest against the headboard, your body crawling over him in order to remain attached. You tugged at the band of his shorts in question and he nodded in answer, the item being quickly disposed of while he watched, always in fascination as you sank down onto him, always wet and ready for him.


You were driving him mad with your gentle movements, just rocking your hips against his while you both stared into the depths of each other’s eyes. He caught every freckle with his eyes and saw that your lower lip would quiver the slightest bit in the corner when your clit brushed up against his abdomen. You were a beautiful and confident lover, your hands steady as they tugged at the roots of his hair and softly held his face.


He could remain in this hold with you forever, buried inside your depths while your eyes searched his. His hands rubbed against your back, fingers moving in slow smooth motions while your movements changed. You would rise off him shallowly only to sink back onto him so slowly. He could feel the flutter of your walls around him. He didn’t need to see the joining of your bodies to know that his hand needed to be elsewhere. He found that sweet little spot of nerves that rolled so easily under the touch of his fingertips, your back arching into him while your motions stuttered, your walls gripping at him. Your soft moans were mixing with his own. Neither of you were searching for release, this was something more.


Your soul was still wound around his and now he was inside you, his mind even dipping into yours to find thoughts of only him and your love for him. It was intoxicating to be completely surrounded by you.


“I love you.” you muttered. His floodgates seemed to have burst as he couldn’t stop thrusting his hips up into yours.


“Say it again.”


“I love you.”




“I love you, so much.” The emotion in your voice got deeper every time you said it, your hands falling to his chest to steady yourself as he thrust into you. Hot tears of pleasure were rolling down your cheeks as heat filled your being, swirling in torrents in your mind and in your bones.


“Say it again for me, pet.” He felt the almost painful clenching of your walls around him, a fresh wave of wetness coating him.


“I love you, with all I have.” The heat encompassing his own body was becoming too ravenous.




“I love you, my beautiful knight.” He felt those tingles flood through his limbs as your eyes drank in the sight of his release, pushing you forward to your own. Your emotions bursting into a beautiful storm, washing over him. He would always be taken by your flushed cheeks and your gasping breath as you fell into him, his arms cradling your body against his. He wanted so badly to say those words to you, though you already knew, saying them would almost be counterproductive at this point, but he wanted you to know that he always returned your feelings. As if sensing his dilemma and his struggle your hands came to tangle in his hair, making sure your eyes were level. “I can see your thoughts too, you know. And I do know. Don’t worry about that.” He felt you lift off his body, only to raise the blankets over you both while you curled into his side.


“I…” Would it really matter if he said them?


“I know, love.” He knew his soul was probably in tatters, but he needed you feel what he felt for you. He held you tight to him, pouring into you, and felt your hands clinging to his back. He could feel the beautiful mess of emotion spin through you, your own soul swelling with it. “I love you.”


“So much.” he murmured, the aches of his bones slowly seeping back under his skin. You were everything, and he felt the deepest for you, cared about you, he wanted you to be happy. The feeling of a smile being pressed to his chest reminded him that for some reason, he made you happy. That’s all that mattered. It would always be you.




You felt someone pressing into your mind, but this was colder, more forceful than Kylo would ever try to. You sat up in the bed, thick barriers wrapping around your mind. The man stirred beside you, but sat up when he felt the peaceful remnants of your soul ripped away from his. Then he felt that same prodding, locking up the sanctity of his mind, but hearing one phrase, “I’ll see you both in an hour.” As soon as the cold that filled room was gone, you clutched him tight to you, your arms locked around his waist and your head tucked underneath his chin.


“Are you alright, I’m so sorry, I panicked.” You could feel his chaos stir deep within him, searching desperately for your steadiness.


“It’s alright. I’m fine.” Though his voice was cold and detached the press of his hands and touch of his arms around you calmed you.


“I’m so sorry.” You briefly nuzzled into his neck, but knew that it would only make your day harder. You pulled yourself from his arms and went to get dressed, the both of you placing up more walls than you had in a long time. You had a gut wrenching feeling that Snoke was going to ask something horrible of you both, but you would do it, for the sake of balance.


As you both strode through the halls, people were flushing themselves against the walls in order to stay out of your way. The wave of anger you knew was rushing through him, was frightening everyone. You took deep calming breaths, feeling the peace you felt just before a match.


When you entered the cavernous room, Snoke was there waiting.


“Supreme Leader Snoke, how lovely to see you again.” You gave him a bow, gentle smile slipping onto your lips.


“Supreme Leader.” Kylo nodded his head, his voice sounding darker and more robotic behind the mask.


“Admiral, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you fight. I hear it is still quite the spectacle.”


“You flatter me, Supreme Leader.” He could feel waves of ease coming off you, while the normal flood of anger stormed around the knight.


“I’d like to watch you again, but try to see you fight against the fury of my Knight.” Your brows rose in surprise, but your smile remained at ease, not a flutter of worry.


“Of course, Supreme Leader. It would be a pleasure.” You turned to Kylo Ren, your spears extending from your hands. “Commander, whenever you’re ready.” His saber extended, pointed at your throat. Then you both were swiping at each other, sparks and blades flashing dangerously, slicing through clothing, but never quite touching skin.

His speed had improved, despite his current injuries.


Fighting on the small platform was something you were used to, using the small size of the stage to your advantage, you made sure be constantly moving. He slammed his saber down onto the cross you made with your spears. You let out a harsh yell, power pulsing through your body as pushed up against him, nearly tossing him over the edge of the small platform.


“Commander, use your talents against hers.” His voice was eerily calm, his interest peeking though. You felt a hand wrap around your throat, but rather than grasp at the invisible force, you continued to move your body, your lack of oxygen pushing your mind into deep depths.


Another hand slipped around your heart, squeezing it inside your chest. You snapped your spears together, your body choking from blood loss. You reached into your soul, trying to fight against this pain, but something was stopping you. Pain was radiating throughout your entire body, but you never quit, only when your eyesight was going blurry did you slow, a saber now burning bright behind your shut eyes.


“Stop.” Pain left you as you gasped for breath in your spot, spear stabbed through the platform to give yourself support, muscles clenching in confusion, and your mind working on overtime to keep your body on track while blood rushed through you once more. “You were right, Commander, she is getting stronger. Y/n, your progress pleases me, you both may go.” You stumbled once as you left, your chest heaving to get as much air in your lungs as possible while still trying to regulate your breath in front of lower officers.


Each step you took away from the Supreme Leader, your exhaustion got heavier. When you were back inside the safety of your rooms, you collapsed to your knees, your breathing deep but slow. After tossing his helmet far across the room, his arms were around you immediately, his body wrapping around you and his soul tugging at your walls. “Let me in.” Your walls came crashing down around you, his being and chaos filling your body. Unbelievable guilt was tearing through him.


“I’m fine, I’m proud of you and I know you can feel it.” His head was pressed tight into the crook of your neck.


“I’m sorry.” He felt you completely surround him, your soul once more entwining around his, the beautiful sanctuary of your mind calming him down. He had hurt you, but you weren’t upset with him, you still didn’t think of him as a monster.


“You’re alright. I’m fine, just really sleepy.” He nodded against you, lifting you from the ground and carrying you both back into bed. “Doesn’t your side still-” He gave you a look that silenced you as he began removing every ounce of clothing that hid you from him. You saw his face twitch in pain as he did the same to himself.


Then you were both under the blankets, body’s tight against each other as he murmured sweet things into your ear and how sorry he was. He hadn’t realized tears were falling from his eyes. He felt your thumbs stroking his cheeks, your face lifting to look at him.


Then your bodies were a mess of tangled limbs and broken pleas as he treasonously muttered the words he was never supposed to say while you called out the name he had long abandoned.

Chapter Text

You could feel his anger rise as you, the General, and himself were sat in central control pouring over new plans for the base. You stopped, Hux was trying to explain something to you but you couldn’t focus right now.


He was thinking on how he had gotten roped into this, then the thought hit him. They had used you to trap him inside this damn room and help go over the plans for rebuilding and improving the new base. Hux had mentioned to him that you were aiding in designing the weapons and structure of new training areas all over the base. Then he had wordlessly followed him.


You looked over to Kylo Ren, the pen in his hand cracking with the strength of his hold. You rose a brow and flicked your pen at him, it hitting him in the middle of his mask. Everyone in the room paused and stared at you like you were crazy. They knew you both fucked like rabbits, or at least that’s what they assumed, but they would never expect you to throw something at him when it was clear he was about to slip into a tantrum.


He turned to face you, amusement flooding over him. He heard the challenge in your thoughts, “What are you gonna do?” The room was still, storm troopers even took pause to watch over the silent conversation, their dread deepening with each moment, terror filling the room.




“Commander.” You held back your laugh, though you were smiling easily, your head resting in your hands. You nearly lost it when you felt his cracked pen being pressed into your palm.


“General, I seem to have lost my pen, I can no longer be present.” He stood and tried to leave, though you felt the gentle thwack against the back of your head as everyone silently thanked the stars that you were still alive. Hux glared at you while you continued to sketch out your plans. The Commander had been needed to sign and approve many of the documents he was going over, but Kylo Ren didn’t do grunt work unless you were there.


“Commander Ren, you still need to approve the new designs.” He stopped at the door, you felt irritation spike in him. “You can have my pen since you “lost” yours.” He heard you snort into your palm. He returned and slammed himself into the seat next to you. He yanked Hux’s pen from his hand and started to furiously sign everything in reach, disregarding the labeled piles the General had made.


“Commander?” He slowed at your inquisitive tone.


“Yes, Admiral?”


“Are you aware you’re approving a strip-club to be built?” He paused and looked down to see that, indeed, he was signing that a gentleman’s lounge should be built on base.


“General Hux. Explain.”


“It was approved by the board for entertainment purposes, it was not approved by me.” He seemed indignant, but you could feel embarrassment flood him. Why the fuck did Snoke approve a gentleman’s club?


“I approved it, it has my signature.” you added, the room nearly burst with amusement that everyone was hiding. You could feel the want to sigh in him but he hid it and carried on, actually reading over what he was supposed to be approving. “Troopers!” They stood at attention, saluting you. “You have nothing to fear, it was approved!” Nervous laughter filled the room.


You spun in your seat, kicking your legs onto the table and bringing your sketchpad onto your lap.


“Admiral, please try to remain professional.” Without looking up, you could see how annoyed he was.


“I’m a soldier, General, we’re always professional.” It seemed the whole of the room was watching your body, it still seeming to be professional even in such an unorthodox position. “Besides, everyone in this room is most likely exhausted. Just let up for a moment, will you?” He quietly resumed his work as a gentle buzz began around you three in the central command room.


“Admiral, it’s time for you to go over new elite files.” The General slid the files over to you. You groaned, your last bunch of men and women were sent to a different base to train new troopers. Normally you’d be excited, but with how many people tried to desert the base in the most recent turmoil, your choices were going to have to be made more carefully.


“Thank you, General.”


“Are you pouting, Admiral?” Hux was begging you to at least pretend that you cared about order.


“…Yes. You’re having me do grunt work, let me grunt.” You placed the files over your sketches, flipping through them. You tossed ones you didn’t like over your shoulder, a small nervous file clerk behind you, picking up and re-organizing them. “Stars, where do we pick these people up.” you muttered, reading that someone had a rather questionable job working for a crime syndicate.


“Fighting arenas.” The Commander muttered, off handedly, barely audible behind the mask. You let out a sharp laugh.


“You’re right, I can’t judge.” You slipped the file into approval. “Huxley, are all of our reactors progressing?” He audibly released a sigh.


“Admiral, please either address me as General Hux, General, or Hux if you must.”


“Huxley, you didn’t answer my question.” He pinched the bridge of his nose with his hand.


“They’re progressing well, Admiral.”


“Thank you, Huxley.” He nearly growled at you.


“Uh, Admiral L/n?” You looked up, seeing that same meek small file clerk in front of you.


“Yes,” you eyed their name tag, “Jim?”


“I’ve got all your rejected files, where do you want me to put them?”


“Oh sorry, dear. I seem to have a penchant for throwing things today, just set them at my feet, please.” The man nodded, placing them right by your feet before scurrying away. You saw Hux leaning over and holding his head. You rose a brow, leaning over and swiping all his paperwork from him. “General Hux, please take your leave, I’ll take care of the grunt work, go oversee the build.” You were getting tired of his over-bearing orderliness, and he was tired of your lax-ness. He sighed but left, silently happy for the reprieve. He knew you were diligent and professional at least with paperwork, though your demeanor at the moment was open for improvements.


The Commander at your side seemed gloomy as he sadly worked his way through his stack of paperwork. You paused, eyeing him carefully. Irritation pulsing through him, mildly pissed-off, and restless. You eyed the next highest ranking officer in the room, a tall major with styled brown hair.




“Yes, Admiral L/n?” He faced you completely, his arms behind his back. “Do you know if it’s possible for all people working in here right now would be able to do their jobs in other parts of the base, at least close to here?”


“No I do not, Admiral.” You let out a sigh.


“Admiral L/n, we can work in the command room in the floor below.” You turned to look at the woman who spoke, she was smiling nervously.


“Thank you, Superior Officer. Please do so.” She nodded and the lot of the people save for the Commander and yourself were now seated at the table. You rose to lock the door and disable the surveillance. You heard his helmet hissing as it left his head the next moment. He opened his arm without raising his head and you sat in his lap, moving only to switch out documents.


“Thank you.” he muttered, finally finding a touch of calm.


“Of course, love.”




“We’re moving.” he murmured against your neck, months after the grand awakening of the light side of the force.




“A new base is in the progress of being built and we’re moving.” You let out a sigh, ducking to nuzzle into his neck.






“…You need to tell me things sooner.”


“Yes, Admiral.” You let out a sigh, wrapping a leg high around his waist, his arm coming to rest against the length of your thigh, his hand rubbing at the soft skin of your hip.


“How long have you known?”


“I found out yesterday actually.”




“Am I forgiven?”


“Shush.” He was quiet and it left you thinking. “Is this why all my stuff has been disappearing?”


“I’m not at liberty to discuss that with you, Admiral.” You rolled on top of him.


“You’re planning something.” Damn smirk machine was back at it.


“No, wrong tense.”


“Tell me.” He shook his head, amusement and mischief rolling off of him.




You could feel irritation washing over you from General Hux’s position across from you. You, the Commander, and the General were seated in the command shuttle, heading to the new base. You knew it was going to be a while, so you had decided to dress comfortably. You were wrapped up in a long black cloak, underneath you had adorned a large black shirt. The rest of your uniform was relatively normal. OR maybe he was irritated because you had slipped your legs into the Commander’s lap halfway through the trip. That has silenced the cabin, the lot of them in fascination of your actions. Soon after you had stretched out on the bench, tired, a bit pissed off, and eager to sleep.


Maybe you should fight with someone, pretend to take it easy on them and then crush them when they had hope for winning. A smirk lit your features as you entertained yourself with thoughts of you back in the arena, of your last fight.


Stars, that behemoth of an alien had been massive, over eight feet tall with talons for fingers and dark green eyes, muscles rippling under yellow skin. He thought you were going to be taken down so easily, the small, frail, human. Yet with every swipe of his arms you were always out of reach, toying with him.


You had leapt high into the air, spinning while you held your knees to your chest. You were behind him and as you were uncurling your body you landed two harsh jabs to his back, one below his shoulder, and one just above his hip. Your fingers nearly punctured the skin, but you had only bruised his lungs and his kidney. He was out like a light.
Yellow asshole, you hadn’t even felt bad.


“Admiral?” You turned your head to eye the same major from the control room, the one with the brown hair.




“I heard you were a fighter for ten years, is that true?”




“Did you ever lose?”


“In the beginning, but as I got older my reputation grew off of the fact that I had never lost a match. I believe I only lost… twice. My first match and one two years later. I was fourteen.” He nodded, wringing his hands nervously. “Go on, Major. You’re not going to get speared… or sabered.” You eyed the man with your legs in his lap.


“How did you become so strong?”


“Training. Pushing your body past its natural limits creates entirely new thresholds for the body’s pain tolerance. I would fight with broken bones, cracked ribs, and split femurs. I’m sure every part of my body is now hard with scar tissue.” He was looking at you with awe.


“Is that how you’re able to tear through material with your hands?”


“Yes.” He nodded, leaning back in his seat, thoughts wondering on how he could become stronger.


“Our training sounds very similar, Admiral.” Your eyes drifted to the mask.


“What was the first bone you broke during training?” You asked curiously, crossing one leg over the other, brushing against his chest.


“Shoulder, you?”


“Ahh, that’s a rough one, Commander. I shattered my collarbone, hurt like a bitch.” A few of the people in the cabin let out small laughs, not noticing how the Commander allowed a gloved hand to rest gently on your shin. “Hux, have you ever broken something during training?”


“Forearm.” You nodded eyeing your fingers wondering just how often you had broken each one, microscopic breaks and harsher ones. “How many bones have you broken, Admiral?” He rose a brow, the topic more interesting than the silence that had been dominating.


“All of them. When I cracked my pelvic bone, hairline fractures everywhere, my greasy manager thought about pulling me from the ring. Even with broken or cracked bones, I was still too fast for most fighters.”


“How did you break so many bones then, if it wasn’t in the ring? How did you crack your pelvic bone?” That same Major was staring at you, confused.


“During my quiet training sessions. I would end up losing my footing or having a damn branch fall on me. I broke my pelvis when I tripped hard onto a stump. It was horrible and I had terrible splinters.” The lot of the cabin hissed, hands subconsciously covering the spot between their legs. The Commander let out a chuckle, the sound coming off as dark, menacing, and cracked.




“Well, more like wood-chips. Honestly, it was, for me in my opinion, my most gruesome injury just because it hurt every time I sat down, reminding me of my failure in the most embarrassing way.” You covered your eyes with your arm, feeling the remnants of such embarrassment in your cheeks. “It’s why I stopped training in the nude.” You heard the hard mental face-palm done by your bedmate. Hux didn’t hide it, he rested his head in his head, shaking his head. “You’re over-reacting! How else was I supposed to brave the elements? Well, I didn’t really need to, but still! It seemed like a good idea at the time!” In the midst of your rant, you hadn’t noticed the Commander pull you into his lap until a gloved hand was over your mouth. Your eyes flicked to the mask, annoyed, but pacified for the moment. You crossed your arms over your chest. You briefly thought about biting him, but you knew that wouldn’t do anything. Smug smirk machine. When his hand left your mouth, you were visibly pouting.


“Admiral, are you pouting?” You were glaring up at the Commander.


“Yes.” You felt a tap against the collar around your neck, the motion itself putting you at ease. “Sorry, Commander.” You felt his hand pressed against the base of your spine, hidden under the clothes you stole from him.


How it was that the sight of you in the Commander’s lap made the room fill with terror, you weren’t sure. But it amused you enough to slip your arms around his neck and nuzzle into his cowl. It seemed like the more human you both became, the more horror and nerves flittered into the room. You were dangerous on your own, but the two of you could mow through enemies.


Everyone in the room was silent once more, but you could feel in that sea of terror, a wave of annoyance. You eyed Hux to see he was rolling his eyes at the two of you. He could never get a moments rest around you, let alone you and your murder husband.




“…Are we trying to only lay claim to frozen wastelands?” You looked out the window to see a more massive giant ice ball.


“In so many words, yes. The harsh climate means there is less chance for disturbances and gives our people the chance to strengthen their natural predisposition to the elements.” You nodded, looking down at your attire.


“Your cloak had best be warm, Commander, otherwise I might actually freeze.” you muttered, wrapping the cloth around you as tightly as you could. You heard what you knew to be a sigh leave his nose as he stood to take off his cloak and hood. When he turned his back to you, you realized what he was doing. You climbed onto his back before he replaced his own cloak and hood over you just as the Command Shuttle opened, icy wind whipping around in the ship. You felt… surprisingly untouched and very comfortable and warm on his back as he trudged with his men behind him through the snow.


Apparently the docking bay of the base had yet to be finished, but the walk was fast enough. It most likely felt longer to your compatriots than it did to you. You had the seat of honor after all. You heard his voice in your mind, “Warm?” You nodded against his back. Your sight was stripped of you, but you could see flashes of what Kylo could see through his mask, mostly a sea of white.


The ‘whoosh’ of an air lock opening had your band of cold First Order troops, soldiers, and officers, sighing out their happiness for the warmth of the indoors. You felt the hands under your thighs give a slight squeeze, signaling you to slide down the back of the Commander. It was a shock to the officer’s that had been waiting for your arrival to see the feared Admiral sliding down the back of the even more feared Commander Ren, popping out with a smile from underneath his cloak. Without addressing the officers, you felt an invisible arm wrap around your waist and start pulling you through the halls while you strode next to the Commander. There was an air of giddiness around him that had you grinning.


You’d memorize the lay out of the base later, but right now you were very interested in the suddenly very excited Commander. What could have him so excited? If there was a chained up you waiting for him, you could see him this excited, maybe. Your thoughts were cut off when after nearly an hour of wondering what had him so excited, you were in front of what you assumed to be your new rooms with him. He punched in the numbers and when it was revealed, your mouth dropped. You saw the familiar sight of your painting, the ‘replaced’ yellow couch… he had melded the both of your chambers together. Then you remembered what he had said about the wrong tense. He had been planning this since your promotion, but with all the uprising from different sides, he had never had the time to show you.


A real arm wrapped around your waist as you stepped through the threshold of the room. Nestled on each side of your bright floral painting were grand bookshelves in black, housing your books and his while your happy yellow couch sat in front. “That’s not a fireplace.” As soon as you said it, the flames lit, just under your painting.


The floors and cabinets were in that deep black that had now become so comforting to you while all the accents in the room that belonged to you were bright. You let out a grin at seeing your kettle on the stove. “Show me more.” His arm slipped comfortably around your shoulders as he led you room to room. The refresher now had a beautifully large black marbled tub in the middle, one side of the room made out of a seamless mirror while the walls were a deep grey. The lights dulled and you saw sparkles around the walls that were now almost as black as the tub while the areas that glowed resembled stars and nebula alike. “What is this?” You rubbed your hand against the wall, feeling the stone a bit rough under your touch.


“It’s called lucent stone.” You were quiet for a moment when you realized,


“Where’s the sink?” With a quick touch of a button that too was revealed to you as it rose from the floor. “This so pretty.” Twin sinks built into the same black swirled marble stood proud in the center of the left wall. The faucets looked sharp against the organic cut look of the tub. You were in awe, of everything, but most of all, him. “You did this for me.” He hmm’d behind you. He had been so excited… to show you the rooms he designed specifically to share with you. “Keep going before I dive into the tub.” He tugged you into a study that held two desks on the opposite sides of the room, one a deep black and the other a rich brown.


Your immediate thought was that they clashed, but you took note of the chairs, the deep black one behind the brown and then the opposite. You heard him mutter ‘balance’ against your temple. You were about to burst, you could have sworn, if there was a dark side, or a light side, that all sides could feel the strength and swell of your neutrality.


You tugged on his robes, mouth in an open smile as he showed you each room, even a dining room, each one just as carefully designed as the last. Then he led you in the last room with his hands over your eyes. When you opened your eyes, the closet… did all men know that women just loved closets, because this was ridiculous. There was carpet beneath your feet, rich and just as dark as other parts of your chambers, but a beautiful crisp white double chaise sat in the middle. You could distinctly see where his clothes were, and yours, all your damn dresses finally returning to you plus a few new ones. You made a note to rifle through the drawers later, you knew your chain was in there somewhere.


He had pulled you to the center of the room, so when you sat down, filled with emotion, and excitement, and the strongest urge to take a bath, you were sure that that was it. He turned to kneel between your legs, his hands on your knees as he looked up at you, helmet off, with the sweetest gaze he had ever sent you. “I love you.” you cradled his head in your hands, bending to touch your forehead to his.


“I know. We’re not done yet though.”


“Stars kill me, do we have a sex dungeon now?” He let out a soft laugh, grabbing your hands to raise you both to your feet. You still had no idea how he was always so light on his feet.


And then he opened the door to your bedroom. You were going to faint. The bed was large and fitted with black furs and lovely fluffy white pillows. Matching nightstands sat next the each side of the bed, one black lamp and one white. You would have fallen over if it had not been for his careful arm draped over your shoulders. The ceiling was made out of that same beautiful lucent stone, but the walls made of duraglass… You hadn’t realized you were underground until you saw the beautiful shining depths of the caves around your bedroom. It was surreal looking into those spiraling depths that matched the look of the black tub.


“You knew we were leaving the Finalizer and Starkiller base… you didn’t tell me so you could show me this…” You were going to explode.


“Do you like it?”


“It’s so pretty.” Your mind was too full to come up with a better adjective for what was truly in front of your eyes. “It’s so pretty.” you repeated stepping out of his hold to rub your hand across the furs on the bed. Being this close to the bed you noticed one more thing. A beautifully elegant blaster rifle with a musket at the head. He had made you a beautiful set of chambers, and a pretty new weapon. This man knew you better than you knew yourself. He had never heard a buzzing silence come from your mind before. He thought he had broken you until you looked at him with bright teary eyes. “You did this for me.” He nodded, stroking a hand across your cheek.


“I was told that your promotion gave you permission to move to a place that where you would work most efficiently. I thought you might work better here.”


“Are you kidding me, I’m not going to get anything done now.” You looked around before your eyes landed back on him. “Do we have anything to do?” He shook his head. You started pulling off the mixture of his clothes and yours before tugging his own clothes off his body. “Let’s go dive into our pretty new bathtub.”


The thoughts of love and swirl of emotion inside you filled him and made him smile. Of course he had done this for you.

Chapter Text

While your rooms had been elegantly crafted by the Commander himself, the rest of the base needed work. You felt irritation spike in you when you heard stormtroopers harassing a technician. Why did they have to interrupt when the base was still in the process of being built, were they missing part of their brain? You sped up your strides only to see your favorite blonde, other than Phasma. Matt, the radar technician.


“What are you doing?” Your question was colder than the frigid landscape outside. Each of them froze, Matt eying you with almost boredom.


“Admiral L/n, ma’am.” They stood at attention, taking in how hard your stare was.


“An answer? Because to me it looked like you were harassing someone hard at work. Unless you want to be shoved out into the raging ice storm, I’d suggest you get a move on, and fast.” They turned and ran from you. You puffed up your chest a bit, serves them right, Matt was your radar technician. “Matt.”




“You alright, dear?” He nodded, resisting the urge to lean over your form and press a kiss to your cheek. “Okay then. Back to work.” You eyed the panel he had opened and he went back to work, scar and all. You had been assigned to do some basic training while Phasma was in transit to the new base. Luckily for you, your training areas that you had designed were up and running. These troopers would have no idea what hell storm you were bringing with you when you practically broke the doors down with how hard your boot hit them open. Training gear on, the lot of their gazes locked onto you, and their bodies spinning in order to stand at attention.


“Admiral L/n!”


“At ease.” They lowered their hands from their foreheads, waiting for you to instruct them. “Now I don’t know how you’ve been trained in the past, and I don’t care. All of you are in my hands now.” You unlatched a spear from your side, spinning it dangerously in your fingers. “I do not do easy training, so warning for you all, you’re likely to cry today, so long as you keep going, I don’t care.” You heard a scoff from a man to the left. Before the noise had fully left his mouth his helmet was cracked in two and he was on his knees. “I’m sorry, did you say something?” His eyes were wide in fear, glancing from you to the sparking weapon at his throat. He was confused, they had said you were nice… wait, his memory was coming back to him, as nice as you were terrifying. That had been the phrase.


“No, Admiral L/n.”


“Are you sure, because I thought I heard you volunteering for the first one on one for the day.” You tilted your head to the side, what would have been a gentle smile turned wicked with the lightning behind your eyes.


“Yes, Admiral L/n.”


“Excellent.” You shrugged out of your jacket and removed your gloves after stabbing your spear into the floor. “Armed or hand-to-hand, trooper?” He eyed your spear, there was no way in hell.


“Hand-to-hand.” He had no idea what hit him. You were everywhere, jabbing him painfully, your fingers breaking through his armor and hitting deep in his muscle tissue.


Were you some sort of demon? When you had knocked him onto his back, he almost shouted from happiness that it was over.


“Such a shame. You barely lasted thirty seconds.” You tsked, kicking his leg softly. He scrambled off the ground, all of your hits weighing down on him. It was like his body was suddenly so much heavier. “I won’t go so easy on you next time, trooper, keep your tongue in check.” He nodded, wishing this was over. When he looked up he saw that red-headed General watching you carefully. He thought it was the Commander you were together with, but who knows how relationships worked with the high clearance officers.


He shook his head out of the gutter and started running, though very slowly at that, with his fellow troopers. Hux shook his head, they would never learn to keep their damn mouths shut. Your bite was definitely worse than your bark.




When Phasma finally came back, the General and the Commander were in other areas of the steadily growing base, giving you the privilege to welcome her aboard. “Captain, your travels were safe?”


“Of course, Admiral. Thank you for asking.”


“Don’t mention it.” You could feel how tired she was, but you heard something in her head. It was faint, but it was there, something about wanting a bath. “If you would follow me, Captain, I have a surprise for you.” She nodded and you both started trekking down the halls. Easy conversation filled the time it took for you to lead her to your quarter’s with Commander Ren. You punched in the numbers and entered. “You can take your helmet off, Captain.”


She let out a happy sigh as she did so. Gwen let out a whistle at the sight of your new chambers.


“So this is what the Commander had been working on.”


“Gwen, this isn’t even the best part.” She followed you to the pretty big black bathtub, and you turned it on. You heard her let out a sigh.


“Y/n, we’re not.” She was grinning.


“Yes, we are, get in, let’s talk. It’ll be great.” She let out a laugh as did you, stripping like you both had been paid for it, and both got in the tub like little school girls, giggling and splashing each other.


“Will he be angry if he walks in on us?”


“No, he’ll be fine!” Oh how you were so right.




Kylo Ren was a feared man. No one ever would dare try to cross him, let alone anger him. His tantrums were famous for the devastation they caused. So as he was striding to his rooms, ready to relax and do incredibly non-professional things to you, he was upset to find that the General was searching for him.


“Commander, do you know where Captain Phasma is?” He seemed a bit out of sorts.


“No, General Hux, I wasn’t aware she was aboard the base yet.” He seemed to take pity on the General. He didn’t want to think about how worried he would be if he couldn’t find you after a few weeks of being away.


“Admiral L/n was last seen with her, I just thought-”


“Come in, the Admiral might have kidnapped her.” Both of the men entered, it was eerily quiet inside. The Commander’s helmet hissed as he removed it, just in time to catch the General’s nod of approval.


“Good work, Ren. I’m sure the Admiral loves it.” The General caught a small smile on his lips while he said it. Sure, your murder husband threw giant tantrums, but it was oddly sweet how the man felt for you.


“I think her favorite part is the tub.” The Commander let a gentle smile curl on his lips. Like an unspoken agreement, Kylo Ren started leading him to the aforementioned favorite part, however when he opened the door, he was not expecting both you and the Captain to be inside, wine glasses in hand, talking absolute filth with one another. Hux turned immediately to avert his eyes from your body while the Commander stood, mouth agape as he took the situation in. It was only until he felt his shoulder being wrenched around that the situation processed.


You and the Captain had been in the tub… like two children… like two drunk filth spouting children. “I found the Captain.” The words fell from his lips before he could stop them. Hux turned to whack him hard on his shoulder.


“Gwen! Why do they look so terrified?”


“I don’t know, Y/n, but are we safe?” She laughed out, taking a long drink from her wine. You grabbed the bottle and filled her up.


“Of course we are, none better to protect us than Matt, the radar technician, and Brandon, from accounting.” Both men groaned in unison, only causing the women in the tub to laugh. You had long since stopped drinking from your glass, choosing to drink from the bottle.


“Y/n, they’re frozen. Should we do something?” Gwen tilted her head to the side, eying the man popsicles.


“I know what to do.”


“Y/n, no!”


“Y/n, yes. Hey, Gwen, do you like boys?” The woman let out a giggle.


“Why, yes, Y/n, I do.”


“I see some, you wanna invite them over to party with us?” The menfolk were dragging their hands over their faces.


“I think that would be in order.” Hux released a pained sigh as Kylo Ren tried to step away from the situation at large, two powerful drunk women in his tub… He was wondering how you found the wine. Hux grabbed a handful of his cloak, keeping him in place.


“If I have to go in there, so do you.” He was almost pleading with the Commander. He let out an annoyed sigh.


“Oh, boys!” You were both waving at them, with what would have been considered flirtatious grins had you both not been drunk off your asses. “Huxley! Kylo! How nice of you to drop by.” They were both trying to avoid looking at the women in the room.


“Huxley! Oh I like that!” Kylo Ren nearly let out a laugh at how he heard Hux mutter, ‘oh no’ under his breath. “Should I call Kylo, Renly?” He felt his blood run cold.


“Yes! That’s so cute, how come I didn’t think of it?”


“Lovey, our minds are too preoccupied with other fascinating aspects of our respective man, it makes since you didn’t think of it first.” He had never been this red before in his life.


“It doesn’t matter, Gwen, now that I have finally seen your garter, I have seen the real magic in the world.” Hux and Kylo both slid down the side of the tub, just trying to wait this out.


“You dashing woman, why is it you’ve been snatched up by the Commander?”


“In another life, my sweet Gwen, we will be together.” They both let out an anguished sigh as they heard the tell-tale sign of another bottle opening. They were going to be there a while.




After another bottle, two excruciating hours, and lots of blushing from the menfolk, you and the Captain were out of the bathtub dressed. While the men now stood in the other corner, brooding, you and Gwen exchanged goodbye’s.


“You’re welcome to take a bath with me whenever you want.”


“Y/n, it would be a pleasure, though next time, Brandon will really get drunk.” As ‘Brandon’ and the Captain left you swayed your way over to Kylo, wrapping your arms around his waist.


“Well, hello there, sir. Did you like your surprise?” Tired eyes almost glared at you. “Am I in trouble?” He let out a pained sigh, dropping a kiss to your forehead.


“No, you’re not in trouble.”


“Good, because it’s not fair that Phasma and I will never walk in on you and Hux together in the bath.” He rose a brow, wondering briefly if he should let you know that there were times after training they stood on opposite sides of the communal showers… He decided against it. He didn’t need you and Phasma to conduct any pranks on the base.


“I would apologize, but you’re right.”


“…You two shower together don’t you… I heard it! It’s like when I heard Phasma today!” You climbed up his towering form to lock your legs around his waist.


“You heard Phasma today?” His brows furrowed together. You were getting stronger so quickly, he might have to start Force training you. You nodded, walking one hand up his chest while the other was wrapped around his neck.


“She wanted to have a bath to relax, she was tired so I brought her to our pretty tub. Are you sure you’re not mad, because your thoughts are pretty wild right now, what with you thinking about training me and what you should tell Supreme Leader.”


“You can hear me right now?”


“Well, it’s a bit muddled, but yes.”


“If you become a fully-fledged Force bearing warrior only when you’re drunk, we might have issues.” You blinked before letting out a laugh.


“Take me to bed, Renly.”


…He needed to keep you away from Phasma, the two of you were dangerous together.




The Commander and the General were watching as you and Phasma destroyed the new troops. This was definitely a different sight than what they were used to with you two. You were both moving in tandem with each other, you slowing your speed to accommodate her, and her lowering her height in order for you to leap higher into the air by jumping off her shoulders.


“Why do we even bother with other troopers when we could just send those two and win every battle?”


“Where’s the fun in that, Huxley?” The General froze, turning icily towards the Commander.


“We are in a war, Renly.” he hissed, just happy he had at least said it while no one else was in the room.


“I’m aware. Y/n’s becoming more powerful every day even without Force training. She’s the most valuable weapon and training arsenal we have. She is our key to winning this war.” You were the key to finally finding balance in the galaxy, even now he could feel your soul swelling, trying to burst into that unknown strength.


“What’s going to happen if she’s more powerful than you?”


The Commander gave you one last long look and left because honestly, he wasn’t sure.




“Captain, are you ready?” you whispered. She nodded and placed her helmet quietly on the floor. You had no idea she could rewire anything, let alone the high clearance showers. You both watched, stifling your giggles as both the Commander and the General walked into the showers with towels around their wastes. The Commander went to the furthest corner and turned on the shower.


“Oh my.” Phasma muttered. You grinned.


“I know.” Hux removed his towel. “Oh wow.”


“I know.” When Hux went to turn on the shower, nothing happened. You and Phasma were clawing at each other in order to remain silent as Hux went from shower to shower in order to try and find one that worked.


“Hux, what are you doing?” He kept his eyes forward but could feel the distress rolling off the other man’s shoulders.


“None of these damn showers are working.” Just as he got next to the Commander, the shower turned on. “…Commander, I apologize-”


“No. Stop, not one word.” The Commander was nearly trying to crush himself up against the wall while they both tried to ignore what was happening.


“Phasma, now.” With the connect of one wire, all of the showers around them turned on. You and Phasma casually entered the showers side by side and used the showers farthest away from the distraught menfolk.


“A little over zealous in the showers, aren’t they?” Phasma asked.


“I don’t know, I’m just trying to ignore them.” You both turned at the sound of a harsh shove, the sight of Hux stumbling to the side while the Commander glared at you.


“What, I didn’t do anything!” Technically, you didn’t, Phasma did all the wiring.


“Y/n.” You were drawing your chin closer to your chest.


“I’m in trouble now.”


“Yes, pet.” You silently thanked that there was no one in the halls, otherwise the sight of you naked on the Commander’s equally naked shoulder would have probably really ruined each of your frightening images. You knew he would never hurt you unless you allowed it, and you didn’t think he would be one to scold you…Maybe he would be one to scold you. You and Phasma thought it was funny, but the Commander was definitely not laughing. He wasn’t really angry either, just annoyed.


“Can I get down, Master?” You felt a swift harsh slap on your bottom. You let out a sigh. “So that’s a no?” Another slap. It was in record time he hauled you to your chambers because soon enough he was punching in the numbers. “I’m sorry, Master.” you murmured. His hand gently smoothed over the back of your thigh.


“I hauled you through the halls naked.”


“Yes, sir.”


“You and Phasma thought it would be funny to rewire the showering system.”


“Yes, sir.” You were tossed onto the bed.


“What do you think I should do?” Even while he was naked, he looked intimidating. His arms were crossed over his chest, those dark eyes locked on you.


“I’m not sure, Master.” you muttered. As you looked down at your hands, you missed how his eyes softened.


“Your punishment will come in time, but for now, I’m going to go take a bath. You’re welcome to join me.” You would worry for yourself another day, for now you would happily share a bath in the pretty black tub.




“The south wing of the base is almost done.” Hux muttered, looking over progress reports.


“Are the showers functioning properly?” You saw his eyes narrow at you.


“Yes, Admiral.” You held back a snicker as you continued going over progress reports for the north wing and the docking bay. The airlock door was almost done, meaning more people from the Finalizer could board the even more frigid Star Ravager. You wanted to roll your eyes at whoever named these bases… Snoke was the biggest fanboy you’d ever met. You rose your gaze from the papers on the table to the masked man striding into the room.


“Admiral, progress report.” You stood, clasping your hands behind your back.


“Commander, the docking bay door is nearly finished, as are the north and south areas of the base. I’ve also been told that the showers are now functioning properly.” How were you and Phasma supposed to know you had turned on all of the showers? He nodded, stepping forward to the small viewing window. You didn’t know how just white was much of a view, but you supposed there was something beautiful about it.


You took your seat once more, nearly letting a sigh leave you when you felt that gentle press of a hand on your lower back. You were casually reading through reports once more when you felt that hand move. Your eyes widened as you felt fingers pressing against the seam of your underwear. He wasn’t.


“Punishment, pet.” Echoed through your head. Oh no, you should not be excited. But here you were, surrounded by lower ranked officers and General Hux with an invisible hand cupping your sex and you could feel yourself getting wet. You tried to resume reading over your reports, trying to distract yourself from those long fingers brushing aside the material to swipe across your clit.


Your hand slammed down onto the table and the room quieted. Shit, you did not mean to do that. “Are there anymore reports, General?” you asked, sounding calm even though those fingers were now slipping into you, curling against you so perfectly. Hux rose a brow. Your ridiculous murder husband was probably behind your strange behavior.


“Not at the moment, Admiral.” You nodded and looked back down to the gibberish in front of you. His thumb was rubbing in perfect circles around your clit while his fingers curled inside you. You kept deathly silent while the soft buzzing around the room once more started up. You could have sighed when you felt that invisible hand leave you. Though you were tingling and a slight sheen of sweat was on your brow, you could handle this.


Both of your hands slammed onto the table, the material breaking as you stood when you felt the press of a tongue on your clit. “We need more builders in the west wing, now!” It was a strangled shout, but half of the people in the room left. If you were going to start throwing tantrums, everyone was done for. He was greedily sucking your clit while fire filled your veins and everyone was staring at you. You thanked every God you had ever heard of that you could control your blush, because you were sure your face would be bright red by now. You shakily made your way to the control console and sat down, bringing up a holograph of the base. You could focus, even though you felt those fingers slip back inside you, curling against your walls once more.


Your eyesight was getting blurry from your lack of focus on any one thing. The holograph in front of you was fuzzy, the faces around you couldn’t be made out, the tingles wrecking through your system as people tried to ignore your strange behavior. This punishment felt oh so good, but you were oh so paranoid.


“Admiral, are you feeling alright?” The General was a bit concerned as he asked his question.


“General Hux, I assure you, I am right as rain.” You could feel yourself dripping from the invisible touches. You were going to destroy him when you both were in the safety of your rooms, better yet, you would learn the Force and do the same thing to him, just to spite him. A brush of teeth against your sore bundle of nerves made you flinch in your seat. General Hux did his best to join the men and women around him in trying to ignore whatever strange fit you were having.


You let out a shaky sigh as you felt the pressure that had been building in your abdomen release. You settled back into the seat, feeling utterly wrecked and boneless.


“Admiral, you look flushed, allow me to accompany you to the med bay.” You wanted to glare at the Commander, but you nodded and rose shakily to your feet.


“Of course, Commander.”


You nearly fell to your feet when you felt a gentle hand over your collar and his voice echoing in your head, “Good pet.”

Chapter Text

It wasn’t rare for you to see Supreme Leader Snoke. You spoke to him just as often as Kylo did, however, after your last meeting that you had shared with the Kylo, it left you feeling a bit apprehensive. When you entered the massive chamber with the holograph of Supreme Leader, you were surprised to hear Kylo shouting.


“She isn’t ready yet, these signs are not strong enough to take her away from the troopers on this base. If you want to win this war, she needs to train them!”


“Ahh, Admiral, it’s so nice to see you.” Kylo froze as he turned to you, face going blank as he straightened his stance.


“Supreme Leader, always a pleasure. Now what is it that has you both so painfully irritated?” Even from where ever he was, possibly systems away, you could feel how annoyed Snoke was. But you didn't need any special powers in order to see that.


“The Commander doesn’t think you ready to begin Force training.”


“Because she isn’t. How am I supposed to train someone stronger than myself?” Your eyes widened.


“You and I both know, Commander, she will only listen to you.” As the holograph rose a brow you cracked a smile.


“He’s right, you know.” Kylo shot you a side glare. You silenced yourself, but continued to smile.


“There isn’t anyone stronger than what she will become. Even far beyond the power of your grandfather and your uncle, combined as it were. Not even I. Her training falls to you.” The Supreme Leader leaned back on his throne.


“If she unlocks her strength and can’t control it, everyone in the next five systems could die.”


“Then make sure she can control it.” Kylo Ren held himself back from shouting again. Instead he took a deep breath and let out a pained sigh.


“Fine.” Supreme Leader nodded and turned to you.


“You now have a new master, Y/n.”


“Well, I’m not so sure about ‘new’.” Your sweet smile was what held Snoke back from letting out a laugh. And then he was gone. “So, when do we start, Master?” You batted your eyelashes at him.


“Y/n, please be serious.”


“I am serious. We both knew this was going to happen sooner or later. There was no putting it off.” Ever since your soul bond had been made you had been getting stronger, but you hadn’t felt just how much stronger. Kylo had been the one to feel the true depth of your power and see how you had come along with awakening it.


“Not as far into the future as I had hoped.” he sighed out, replacing his mask. “We start immediately.” You nodded along beside him as he started his long strides. As news quickly spread that the Commander was pissed off, most of the winding hallways had been deserted.


“You know, I can hear Hux sometimes. He calls you my ‘murder husband’.” You could feel his amusement rise in his anger. “I think it’s a bit ridiculous myself, though it has a humorous tone to it.” This wasn’t fair. Your voice always calmed him down, how could he ever be angry in your presence? Perhaps he needed to learn to start feeding his power off of the calm you bestowed within him. He turned, leading you into a room you had never been in before. “Okay, I know me not knowing what this room is, is not my fault this time.” He watched you study your surroundings.


For how new you thought this base was, it was ancient looking in here. The walls were made of stone but bright glowing gems stuck out, illuminating the soft red cushions below. This was not a room built by the Order. This truly was an ancient room. While you almost always felt calm around the man in the room with you, you felt a different sense of calm take over you.


“What planet is this, again?” You were far too clever.




“Those are kyber crystals.”


“Yes, they are.”


“Are all areas of the temple-”


“The temple is safe, the base is wrapped around it.” You couldn’t talk anymore. It was so strange, you could feel yourself being pulled to the far side of the room. Something was calling you in a soft gentle voice. “Close your eyes, Y/n.” Your lids slipped shut as you reached your hand out. Your hand gently brushed up against the frozen stone and you could feel it pulsing just beneath the surface, whatever was calling you. You pushed your hand through the stone, wrapping your fingers around what felt like ice.


When you opened your eyes a long thin crystal sat in the seat of your palm. You folded your legs under you as you looked at it. It was pulsing a bright silver color before it faded into a gentle glow.


“What just happened?” For the first time since he had ever known you, he felt fear rip into your being.


“You heard the crystal calling out to you and you went to it.” He sat in front of you, legs folded and with a thoughtful expression on his face.


“But I’ve never really felt the Force inside me before, why did I feel it just now?”


“Do you know what kyber crystals are?” You shook your head. “They are attuned to the power of the force and can channel its power. This crystal meant for you to find it. It chose you to be its master.” You eyed the crystal in your palm. This little thin crystal, chose you?


“Are you sure?” He smiled at you.


“I’m sure.”


“Do I get to build my own saber now?”


“Yes, actually. You finding this crystal means you’re ready.”


“…I was being sarcastic?”




“Keep your eyes closed, Y/n.” You grumbled before shutting your eyes. How were you supposed to fight when you couldn’t see? Kylo had even cut you off from his mind so you couldn’t see you through his own eyes. You each had a long wooden pole and he continued to lunge at you while you couldn’t see him.


“If I had my eyes open, I would be a much better partner.” You fell to the floor as he got you in the abdomen.


“If you had your eyes open, we both know the one training would be me.” He lowered his hand for you to take. “You’re not focusing on me, you’re distracted.”


“Of course I’m distracted, there’s so much happening inside me now that this crystal is in my pocket.” You had felt a flood of powerful emotion ever since your kyber crystal had called out to you.


“That’s normal. You’re feeling the Force waking up inside you, stop fighting against it.”


“You said I could level five systems, I think it’s best the Force goes back to sleep.”


“Y/n…” You furrowed your brows.


“Master Ren, please. Can we meditate? Teach me that.” you tugged on his black training pants, already feeling tired. His eyes softened.


“One hour of meditation, then two of training.”


“…Two hours of you hitting me with a stick sounds like punishment.” He rose a brow at you. “Fine.” You went to the corner of the room and sat with your legs folded in front of you.


“Level your breathing.” You heaved a great breath into your lungs and released it slowly. Your breathing became silent but your thoughts were raging. You reached into the depths of your mind, finding that place where your soul intertwined with his. You could see a part of his chaotic soul wrapped around yours like frayed rope. You felt your inner calm in this place of your mind. The feel of your heart beating in your chest became the background as you sat in this peaceful part of your mind.


The next thing you knew, Kylo’s hand was on your knee. You blinked your eyes open. “It hasn’t been an hour has it?” He nodded.


“How do you feel?”


“Normal.” He nodded offering you his hand and bringing you both to your feet.


“Are you ready for me to start hitting you with a stick?” You narrowed your eyes before closing them completely and picking up your own stick.


“When I get a handle on this thing, you’re going to regret saying that.” You could feel him smirk.


“I’m sure I will. Now focus your mind on me, Y/n.” You took a deep breath. You could hear the sound of the wooden pole slicing through the air before you felt a tap on your thigh. “Y/n, I can feel your awareness rising, keep your focus on me.” Focus on him. You could hear the shift of his clothes against his skin and the almost deafening sound of his breathing against your ear. The wooden pole was cutting through the air again, you could hear the strain of his muscles as you stepped to the side, the pole hit hard against the stone of the floor.


It was almost like you could see his soul inside his body and his veins as his heart pushed the blood through his body. You ducked another sweep of the pole, holding your own tighter to your body. What was this? You could hear the shift in his hair as he moved, you blocked each of his hits, soon enough you started landing your own.


“Good, Y/n, keep going, feel it in your own veins now, and focus on both of us.” You nodded, side-stepping, and spinning in order to block another hit. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, hear the sound of your muscles stretching under your skin as you sparred with Kylo. It was like you were watching from an outside window while two glowing masses fought. Your silver soul was strong as it tried to cut into the frayed navy soul of your bedmate. With each of your movements you could feel and see the swell of your very core self. “Good job, Y/n, now open your eyes.” When you opened them, it was like a bucket of cold water was poured over your body.


You dropped to your knees. “That wasn’t two hours.”


“Yes, it was. You felt it didn’t you?” His face was there, but you could still see what you had before. It was too much, you could feel everything now that your focus was broken, from the people walking around outside, to the people arriving in the docking bay. You were gaping at him, breathing hard. He opened up the connection between you both and felt the shock running through your body as you felt the weight of everything around you.


He pulled you to his chest slowly. “Focus on me.” His voice was lost in a sea of others as you clutched hopelessly to his chest. “Focus on me.” His voice was loud in your mind, your arms wrapping around his shoulders. Focus on him. You could feel his hair between your fingers and the skin of his neck and shoulders under your arms. His breathing was even as it touched to your neck. “Focus on us.” His arms were around your waist as his hands were drifting slowly in soothing circles over your back. “Focus on us.” You willed yourself into the space of your mind that was connected to his.


When you opened your eyes next, those dark eyes were gentle.


“What just happened to me?”


“You felt the Force.”


“Do you feel that too?”


“All of the time.” You slumped against him. “Pasta?”


“Yes, please.” He carried your exhausted body through the base. He had hoped your training hadn’t gone so well. He really was going to regret hitting you with that stick.




You rested your head on the side of the tub, your eyes taking in every detail of the lucent stone. The clusters of gems were glowing softly in the low light of the refresher. Your thoughts were full of awe at the man in the kitchen. If he could feel all of what you had felt earlier, you would throw tantrums too. You were confused though, how was it you had been reading people’s emotions throughout your life, but only now you could tap into the Force inside you? If the crystal sitting on the counter was powerful enough to tap into your strength, you weren’t sure you wanted to learn all this. Today had been interesting, sure, but was it really worth the risk of destroying systems just because Snoke wanted to see you at your full potential?


You could already tear apart armies, that should have been enough. You let out a groan, sinking deeper into the tub until everything but your face was submerged in the hot water. How was one supposed to get used to feeling the entirety of everything around them? So far as you knew, Kylo was only susceptible to feeling your emotions, but he could feel his physical surroundings in that wild entirety. But you had felt everything from happiness to desperation and every physical form on base. You didn’t want to imagine what it was like to feel everything on the planet let alone systems away from your physical being.


“Stop, pet. You’re going to drive yourself crazy.” He walked through the door and sat on the edge of the tub, handing you a large bowl of pasta.


“I don’t know if I can do this.” you murmured, taking a bite. Even food was more intense now. That you could handle.


“You can, and you will.” It was so strange looking at him now. You could see the dark navy glow around him, tendrils of it spiraling out to entwine around the gentle silver swirls of your own soul. You chewed thoughtfully around another mouthful of pasta.


“And you can see this?” You pointed to the empty space between you two, where your souls were reaching out for one another.


“I can through your eyes.”


“This is really weird.” He stood to rid himself of what clothes he had been wearing in order to slip behind you.


“You’ll get used to it.”


“I was used to visualizing your soul in my headspace, I can see it in you and around you now. I could see flashes of other people’s souls, and feel all of their thoughts and emotions! Even the physical base, I could feel everything. It was so much.” He slipped his legs around yours, drawing his knees closer in order to fold your body closer to his.


“What do you feel now?”


“You… and the pasta.”


“Pasta has a soul?”


“No, but it tastes more… flavorful? It’s like everything inside me has been heightened in order to read every aspect of my surroundings better. It’s different.” Even his touch felt different, it wasn’t bad. His touch was something you had always treasured, but now, you could read his intention and emotion in his touch, more so than you could before. You could feel the pride in his hands as his thumbs stroked the skin of your stomach and the worry in his heart at your apprehension of the awakening.


“What do you hear?” His mouth was right by your ear, even though you knew he had been soft in his words, it was like he had shouted. You could hear his breath in his lungs and the slide of the water against his skin and yours.




“Can you focus on something?”


“That depends on if you’re going to be upset if I focus on pasta.”


“No, Y/n.” He pressed a light kiss to your neck. You let out a sigh relaxing back against him. Then you were focused on the warmth of the bowl in your hands and the smell of the steam rising into your nose. With every bite you felt your being calm, your worry leaving with every chew. It was you, him, and this bowl of pasta. When it was gone, the bowl was replaced by one of his hands. “Better?” You nodded.


“Is all this craziness why you loved being around me, the calm it brought you?” While you still felt the remnants of what you had felt before, it was much more manageable with this man wrapped around you. You could feel the calm consume you.


“Partially. I had always been enamored by you. You fight with grace and power. The few times I had actually been in battle with you, you had always easily picked out who we were after, sparing the innocents.”


“I’ve never seen you kill an innocent.”


“But you know I have.”


“And I know why.” You could hear him and could see the images flashing in his mind. Luke’s Padawans. They had been children, and he had felt the seduction of Snoke’s words and the power of the dark. He had thought he was bringing balance back to the Force by ridding the galaxy of the imbalance they had brought. “You’re not a monster.”


“I’ve slaughtered children.”


“You’re not a monster. I’ve slaughtered loads of people. So have a lot people fighting in this war. Well, they haven’t slaughtered them, I mean they’ve shot them with blasters or exploded them. I’ve ripped arms out of people’s sockets before and pulled heads off of bodies, so if you want to get technical, then I’m a monster.” You felt his lips curling into a small smile against the back of your neck.


“Hux calls me your ‘murder husband’?”


“Yes. I’ve heard it on a few occasions now. Though you know you’re my Knight of Ren soulmate.”


“Sounds long and complicated.”


“I was partial to Sith Lord soulmate, but I was told I was wrong.”


“One of the few times.” Easy silence filled the space. “Do you feel better?”


“Yes. You’re not a monster, and I’m very right on this one.” He was quiet, but you could still feel the guilt eating at him behind his walls. “You’re not a monster. True monsters don’t feel guilt or remorse.” He stilled against you. You could hear his thoughts rationalize your words and found no fault in them. Perhaps you were right.


You suddenly felt him hold you tighter. You were normally right anyway, he hoped you were right about that too.