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Kyungsoo’s watch must be broken.


He’s been sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his watch telling him that he’s endured- He has to check- only six minutes of the whole fifteen that he needs to wait. Every few seconds feel like hours, and Kyungsoo can't help catching himself glance at the test sitting haphazardly on the edge of the sink counter. His eyes wander, his fingers gripping the edge of the tub as he tries to ignore the fact that his entire life is sitting on that counter, trying to find something to do- something to preoccupy his time. Kyungsoo fixes the towel on the rack beside the shower, willing himself to look away the entire time.


When he finally can't stand it anymore, he nearly trips over himself to the counter eleven minutes into the wait.


That's one distinct line- but is that another?


Is that another line, faint- but there?


His heart races at the sight of a barely there mark on a stick from Rite Aid. All the same, Kyungsoo panics, sliding out of the bathroom without looking at the test again.


"What does that look like to you," He says, nearly hyperventilating, because he knows very well what it looks like and what it means.


Jongin looks up from a text he’s sending to Soojung, taking in the directions. He looks from the test to the directions to Kyungsoo, and sets both down slowly. The lines are now both prominent and bright pink- screaming at him, mocking Kyungsoo from a sea of white.


His face tells Kyungsoo; “You've read everything correctly, and you’re in some shit.”


"Who'd you get pregnant, Soo?"


Kyungsoo’s hands hurt from his skin being twisted, fingers wringing nervously. The feeling in his stomach hasn't let up and he can't eat- the only thing he wants is peanut butter or strawberry jam but he doesn’t have any of that in the apartment right now. But that's all he can think about- a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich.


Jongin waits, an anxious, worried friend. He sighs before taking Kyungsoo by the arm, bringing him into the living room and Kyungsoo knows they're going to have the talk that he doesn't need to hear.


"What's her name?"



"It's me," Kyungsoo finally chokes out, the ball of nerves in his gut letting up in the slightest, "I mean, I took the test."



Jongin's demeanor changes, clapping Kyungsoo on the shoulder in relief.

 

He thinks this is a joke!


Kyungsoo’s legs give out and he moves to sit down, gripping the edge of the couch.



"You? You took the test. Bullshit."



Kyungsoo shakes his head, desperate for it to really be a joke.



"No bullshit."



Jongin sits with him, his face changing back into worry and anxiety. He looks from Kyungsoo’s stomach to his face, and back to the floor without a word.



"Taemin?"


There's a mirthless laugh escaping before Kyungsoo can stop it, "Who else!?"


Kyungsoo covers his mouth, sitting back with a grimace. Jongin ignores his sarcasm, folding his hands and staring at the floor like it will give him the answer to life.
Or really, the answer to Kyungsoo’s problem first, hopefully.


"I don't know what to do," Kyungsoo whimpers truthfully, now completely lost as to what he should do.


He’d never felt so desolate or alone, those feelings hadn't ever even struck as hard as they did whenever Taemin was out on tour and all Kyungsoo wanted to do was get fucked up. If he closed my eyes, maybe Taemin would be with him, telling him everything would be all right, that he would make everything all right. His soft touches, whispers of sweet-nothings to calm Kyungsoo down.


"You have to tell Taemin," Jongin says with a shrug, "that's all I know. You have to tell him, though."


That's where Kyungsoo finds himself, awake with shaking fingers to dial Taemin's number in the middle of the night. He'll be asleep, or passed out. Maybe he'll have someone in his bed.


Has he ever had that call in the early morning- a girl to call him in tears, broken with news of a pregnancy?


Kyungsoo is suddenly scared as to how he'll react to it- would he make me get an abortion? Would he be a father, or would he leave me? There are things in Taemin's character that

Kyungsoo can't be sure of- many things, to tell the truth. Kyungsoo doesn’t know much about him but he knows enough to love him.


"Yeobo," Taemin's groggy voice brings tears to Kyungsoo eyes.


He decides to be straight-forward, no matter the consequences. He deserves to know. Kyungsoo probably deserves to be hung-up on, or yelled at. He doesn't know anymore.


All he know is that the ball of nerves in his gut is a baby, and it's their baby.


"I have to tell you something."

 

 

 

*

 

 

"How does that even happen?"


Kyungsoo picks at his jeans, sitting across from Taemin at a Starbucks, his gaze fixed on his lap. His jeans are creased at the thigh, and at the knees in the same position he’s been in for the past half hour while Taemin goes on about how he doesn't understand.


"It's not uncommon," Kyungsoo repeats himself for what feels like the hundredth time.


Taemin's quiet for a few moments. His sunglasses slide down his nose, and the only movement he’s shown this entire time is reaching to push them back up. He needs a haircut, Kyungsoo notices, dark roots peeking through his peroxide blonde tresses.

 

His eyes are bloodshot as well, partly from drinking the entire night before and also from getting no sleep. He booked the first red eye available and flew overnight the second Kyungsoo had uttered those words.

 

I’m pregnant.


"… Are you... hungry?"


A smile pulls at Kyungsoo’s lips, finally looking up and sitting straighter.


"Not really, no."


"Are you getting sick in the mornings?"


Kyungsoo shrugs just a little to give Taemin the slightest insight to what's happening to him. But he says not another word and they both sit in a silence fit for awkward first loves- not for pregnant couples. There should be love between them, some sort of emotion if not that; anger, depression, shock, nervousness, indifference, happiness. But there is nothing- there they are, two boys sitting at a table, expensive drinks paid for but untouched.


If this is love, if this is life- Kyungsoo doesn’t want it.



"Do you want to get something to eat?"


His questions are small compared to the enormous problem rooted in Kyungsoo’s abdomen. But all the same, Kyungsoo plays along, tucking his hair behind his ear sheepishly and giving Taemin a smile of that same nature.


"Flew all the way here, I might as well let you buy me a muffin."


Taemin smiles, not his usual smile, but one of momentary satisfaction and he leans over the table, briefly kissing Kyungsoo before they walk inside.


Kyungsoo’s insides twist as he reaches for his tea, but he ignore it. When Taemin exits the shop he sets down the muffin- blueberry with delicious crystals of sugar sprinkled over top. He leans, kissing Kyungsoo on the cheek and takes his cup of tea tea, placing juice in it's place.


"Wait- no, give it."


Taemin laughs on his ear, kissing it lightly before sitting back in his seat, finishing off his coffee.


"No caffeine. It's bad for the baby."


Kyungsoo looks up at him, catching his eye before he smiles, looking down at his lap awkwardly.


"Y-You.. Y-You want it….?"


Taemin reaches over the table, taking Kyungsoo’s hand in his. Taemin has never really cared for what anyone else thinks, and he doesn't care now as he pulls Kyungsoo close enough to kiss his forehead; public displays of affection have never bothered him to be limited and he wouldn't stop now even if it bothered the shorter mae, so therefore Kyungsoo never let him on to the fact.


"Of course I want it, Soo. It's my baby- you're my boyfriend. It's a responsibility-" he squeezes Kyungsoo’s hand when his face falls. Does he only see this as an obligation and none other? "And I want to raise it with you," he continues softly, "I want to be a father if that's what I have to be. I wouldn't leave you and I'd never make you get rid of it if you didn't want to. Are you keeping it?"


"If you're keeping me," Kyungsoo mumblea softly, now afraid of eye contact.


Taemin doesn't even give him an answer, merely smiling gently accompanied with a kiss.


The rest of the day is spent by his side in Gangnam, cold but not as bitter as the Tokyo weather that Taemin had grown accustomed to for the past couple of weeks. It's even to the point of warm for Kyungsoo, but he knows better and keep Taemin's biker jacket wrapped around his body. They keep to themselves, stopping every so often to get something to drink.


"Are you going home?"


Taemin waits next to him, his arms crossed over his chest as they stand waiting for a table at a restaurant.


"Maybe tomorrow."


"Tour?"


Taemin shrugs, "Jonghyun'll tell me. It's the least of my worries to be honest."


He stays quiet next to Kyungsoo for a few moments before they can sit down, the booth they've sat in is soft and plush along with the illusion of privacy. Kyungsoo’s legs are pulled by Taemin and he can't help but smile when the blonde rocker tangles them in his own.


"If you're pregnant then me being away on tour should be the least of your worries. Morning sickness, eating right, getting enough sleep, not stressing yourself out too much- showing."


Kyungsoo shrugs again, looking over the menu.


"So is Soju out of the question," He asks with a smile, trying to change the subject.


Taemin gives him his, "yeah right" look and Kyungsoo doesn't ask again.

 

 

 

 

I’m happy just like this
So don’t let me be free