"Oh, god, Severus-" Harry moaned at the feeling of a finger moving inside him. What a great way to start the morning. Only the finger stopped moving now.
"Why did you stop?" Harry cried.
"Severus?!" A voice behind him growled, broken and feral. He turned to see very red Remus.
"Oh god! Remus! Wha- what on earth do you think you're doing?!"
"I was trying to make you feel good." He spat.
"Why would you do that?!"
"Because you like it when I do that."
"We never did anything like that before! Are you insane?!"
"For Merlin's sake, Sirius, it is the worst excuse ever!"
"Sirius?! I'm not Sirius! Are you blind?!"
"Cut the bullshit, Padfoot!"
"Remus! It's Harry! What is your problem?!"
"Please, Harry is not sleeping with Snape and you are not Harry."
Harry walked to the mirror and screamed as he saw naked Sirius looking back at him.
"Cover me! I don't want to see it! God! What is going on?!" Harry said and fetched the blanket, leaving Remus, who was also naked, exposed.
"Merlin! Take it back!" He said and threw the blanket on Remus. He opened the closet and took out a pair of boxers.
"These are mine." Remus pointed.
"You think that I care?! I just saw my godfather's penis! And yours! Why am I here?!"
"Harry? Is it really you?!"
"Of course it's me, god dammit! But if I'm here- oh god, oh god, Sirius is with Severus in the same bed! Oh shit!"
Remus was now redder than Weasley's hair. Harry ran to the floo at Grimmauld place and walked to Severus' quarters.
"In Merlin's name, I know you love yourself but put some clothes on, Black!" Severus spat at him from his armchair, a cup of coffee in his hand.
"Severus, it's me!"
"Are you high?" Severus asked, narrowing his eyes.
"Remus?!" Came a scream from the bedroom.
"It's me, Harry." He told Severus, who snorted.
Harry, well, Harry's body walked out of Severus' bedroom, rubbing his eyes.
"Where am I?!" Sirius asked.
"Sirius!" Harry called.
"Harry?" Sirius looked at the source of the voice.
"Where are you? I can't see anything!" He kept rubbing his eyes.
"Harry, you sound weird. Are you sick?"
Harry ran to the bedroom and came back with his glasses. He put them on his head.
"Better now- AH! What the hell?!"
"Sirius! I'm stuck at your body!" Harry cried desperately.
"Very funny. How did you brew Polyjuice? You suck at Potions."
"He does." Severus confirmed with amusment.
"Snape?! Where am I?!"
"How did I get here?!"
"This is where my body was when we switched!" Harry said and dragged him to the bathroom mirror. Severus heard a scream and snorted with amusement.
Remus walked through the fireplace.
"Do sit and watch, Remus, this is rather amusing."
"Are you sleeping with Harry?!" He demanded.
"What?!" Came another scream from Sirius who just walked back with Harry to the room.
"Please-" Severus said dryly. "We are together for almost two years."
"That explains a lot." Remus sighed.
"Like why my husband was moaning your name when I had a finger in his arse!"
Both Harry and Sirius blushed furiously. Severus began laughing.
"You think it's funny?!" Remus demanded.
"I think it's hilarious. Good thing I don't sleep naked."
"They do." Harry pointed.
Remus and Sirius blushed.
"You saw them naked?" Severus stopped laughing.
"Yes." Harry sighed.
"That's it. Both of you, dress up, we're going to McGonagall."
"Suddenly not so funny, Snape?"
"It's one thing for Remus to finger you and for Harry to feel, it was a mistake, Harry seeing both of you naked is my limit."
"That's your limit?" Harry screamed.
"You are mine and you shall not see any other man naked while we're together."
A smile spread on Sirius' face. (Or Harry's. It depends).
"I would kiss you but it'd just be unfair for all of us."
"So you are sleeping with Snape?!" Sirius cried.
"Bet he does." Severus said and stood.
"Black, Harry's clothes are in his flat at London. Floo there and dress. Harry, take Remus with you to show you the right clothes."
"And what will you do?"
"Go to Dumbledore's portrait. Oh, and Remus, next time do check where you put your fingers." Severus said and walked out of the room.
"I can't believe you fingered Harry."
"For his defence it was your body. He had no idea."
"And you, why didn't you tell me you were seeing him?"
"Because I knew you'd try to separate us but he's making me happy and I didn't want you to kill him."
"What are you hinting?"
"I am not hinting. I am saying. You don't like him and I love him, we don't see the situation in the same light."
"He said two years? How did it happen?"
"I was about to smoke meth and he broke my pipe."
"What?!" Both Sirius and Remus exclaimed.
"Yes, yes, very tragic." Harry laughed. "Are you crazy? I met him in the bookshop. He helped me pick Hermione a birthday gift so I bought him a thank you dinner."
"You are such a nerd!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Everything I do is wrong! I say I did drugs, you got angry, I say I met my partner in a bookshop and I am a nerd."
"You didn't really did drugs, right?"
"No. I mean, I smoked marijuana once and I drink but I am far from being an addict."
"Good. Good. Now go and dress me up."
"I have to pee."
"I really don't want to make any skin contact with your private parts."
"Let Moony help." Sirius smiled. "He's used to them. I'd offer myself but I'm kind of Harry."
"Do I have a say?"
"No." They said at once and Remus stood. Sirius walked to the floo and used it to bring himself clothes from Harry's flat.
Then he went to pick Harry some clothes from his closet.
"I think we got to the source of the problem." Severus said while they all sat in front of Dumbledore's portrait.
"Black, did you recently said that you wondered what was going in Harry's mind?"
"Last night after he visited and I told a joke about a guy who meets a chained giant in the forest and he panicked. I told Remus while we were lying in bed that I sometimes wonder what is going on Harry's mind."
"Last night Harry told me what you just told and told me that he wanted to know what were you thinking, telling that joke."
"So they basically wanted to understand each other minds but instead, their bodies switched." Remus said.
"How do we fix it?" Harry asked.
"No idea. Albus?"
"If it was a wish, just wish otherwise."
"It can't be that simple!"
"Oh, but it is. People tend to complicate things for nothing."
"Padfoot, think of being yourself again." Harry said and they both closed their eyes.
"It isn't working!" Harry called a moment later."
"Black, do you love Remus?"
"Think about what you like doing the best with him. And please don't share. Harry, do the same."
"Think of Remus?" Harry smirked.
"Brat. Close your eyes."
They both did.
"I know it's hard for you, but think."
"Git." They said at unison.
Harry thought of spending the night asleep in Severus' arms. Of making out on the couch. Of caressing his hair while he naps. Of cuddling. Of bathing. He felt the power washing over him.
He opened his eyes and saw Sirius sitting in front of him.
"Now tell me why did my joke upset you."
"You really don't know?"
"Does it seem like I know?"
"During the battle, when I died, Voldemort was waiting in the forest, with Hagrid in chains."
"Whatever." Harry said and stood. Severus did the same. Harry took Severus' hand in his.
"Have a nice day." Harry said and they walked out of the room. As soon as they did, Severus used the hand he was holding to spin Harry and kiss him.
"Let's go to my flat for naked cuddle, ice cream and telly."
"Whatever you wish, love."
"No more wishes!"
"It's good to have you back." Severus said and ruffled his hair.
They walked downstairs, completely unaware to the fact the door to the office was open and Remus, Sirius and Dumbledore watched the entire scene.
"Not freaking out, Sirius?" Remus asked.
"As long as he keeps smiling."