Yoongi loved that he got to room with Jin. He loved all the stupid figurines, loved going to bed at the same time, loved getting shaken awake to see that face every morning, loved every little hitch in Jin's breathing when he thought Yoongi was sleeping. What he did not love was pretending that he wasn't so far gone for his roommate.
It was usually pretty easy to tamp down, Jin was like that with everyone. Back hugs for minutes on end and playful hands all over each one of the members, but when it was just him and Jin, it was a fight he barely won each time. When it was just him lying in bed with headphones in and eyes closed and he felt the covers lift up, he knew it was Jin sliding in next to him, looking for someone to cuddle with. Yoongi was selfish enough to let him. Sometimes it felt like Jin was watching him, but whenever he opened his eyes, all he could see was Jin's head on his chest, arm around Yoongi's torso, and his leg curled up around Yoongi's knees.
On those nights, he never wanted to get up.
Unfortunately, on this particular night, everything was made one hundred times worse in the matter of seconds. Yoongi was watching Jin's back as he slowly breathed in and out. He wanted so bad to just reach down and palm himself, some sort of relief from this, but noticed a wetness spreading on his stomach. He laughed to himself, thinking Jin was drooling on his stomach, and lifted Jin's face to him just to see.
What greeted him instead was a steady nosebleed and a fresh stain on Yoongi's shirt.
"Jin!" He shook Jin's shoulder fiercely while using his own shirt to stop the blood. He could never remember how he was supposed to stop a nosebleed so he just held Jin's nose hoping for it to stop. "Jin, wake up!"
Jin smacked Yoongi's hand away half-heartedly from his face, but when he refused to let go, Jin opened his eyes. "Yoongi?"
"You're bleeding, get up." Yoongi sat up and let go of Jin's nose, and the blood began trickling out again.
Jin froze, staring at the giant stain on Yoongi's shirt.
"Come on, it's just a nosebleed, it's okay." Yoongi smiled reassuringly. He guided Jin to his feet and toward the bathroom. It was the middle of the night, but he could hear Jungkook playing some computer game in the distance, and there was a soft light from the main room that made everything seem a little less jarring.
In the bathroom, the light still blinded him momentarily when he flipped it.
He heard a sharp inhale and focused to see Jin staring at himself in the mirror. Yoongi looked in the mirror too, and thought he needed to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible. He'd always thought he might have... a thing for blood... but Jin was standing there, hair a mess, shirt sloppy to the side with his collarbone peeking out, and a steady line of blood dripping from his nose and so slowly curling over the top of Jin's lip. Yoongi stayed frozen like that until the first drop made its way over the plump bottom lip and dripped onto the front of Jin's shirt.
"Your shirt..." Yoongi started, and grabbed toilet paper really quickly, folding it up and placing it over Jin's nose.
"My shirt, what about your shirt?" Jin took the toilet paper from Yoongi and pushed his hand away. He tilted his head forward a bit and motioned to Yoongi's shirt. "I'm sorry, I'll get you a new one."
"It's just a shirt, don't worry about it. If you're good, I'm gonna go back to sleep, okay?"
Jin nodded and seemed to smile behind the hand covering his nose. "Thanks for taking care of me, Yoongi."
"No problem," he lied. It was a problem. He had a major problem, actually. He hoped Jin wouldn't climb into bed with again because he didn't want to explain why he still wore the blood soaked shirt.
He'd hidden it in the back of his closet for the rainy day that he had the place to himself and could lock the door and just forget that Jin was supposed to be his friend for a second. He wanted to swipe the blood over Jin's lips and suck it off, smear it over that long flawless neck and across his chest. Fuck, he wanted so much and so hard, it didn't take him long to feel come shooting into his hand as he searched for something to clean himself up with. He looked at the shirt in his left hand and debated. It was gross, and he was gross for thinking about any of this. But that's what kinks are, right? The most hidden, the most shameful, and in his head he didn't have to defend himself. He didn't want to hurt Jin, and he wasn't going to pursue Jin. He just...
He wiped himself off with the bloodstained shirt and sighed, before placing it right back into the corner of his closet.
He thought about it several times of the course of the next couple of weeks, but Yoongi was unprepared for the possibility of a repeat event.
He was sitting on the couch when Jin rushed in, face in hand and making his way to the bathroom.
"Jin? What happened?" He followed him but stopped short at the doorway.
Jin turned to him, blood falling from beneath where his pinky was resting on his chin. From behind his hand, he said, "Namjoon got too wild during our dance practice and elbowed me in the lip." He pulled his hand away to show a split lip and the blood from it, dripping down his chin.
Yoongi's eyes widened.
Jin reached for the toilet paper but Yoongi couldn't stop himself. "Wait, use this!"
He ran to his room, pulled the shirt out of the closet. He could explain it later somehow, he was good at lying, but right now he just wanted that. He wanted to keep whatever came out of Jin. He handed a clean side of the shirt to Jin and repeated, "Use this."
Jin looked at him, extremely confused, but gingerly took it anyway. He pressed it to his chin like he thought some sort of trick would follow, but all that followed was a tense silence and Yoongi's eyes on Jin's bloody hands as they pressed the shirt to his lips.
After a particularly long spell of looking, Yoongi cleared his throat and moved forward a bit. "Here, take it off, let's look at your lip."
Jin still watched him with a cautious expression, causing an overwhelming sense of shame to bloom in the bottom of his stomach and to tighten the muscles between his shoulders. He wet the corner of the shirt and dabbed it over the split in Jin's bottom lip.
"Pretty..." Yoongi's eyes widened at the slip, but covered by coughing. "Pretty bad. How hard did he hit you?"
"Like a windmill." Jin smiled down at him. "Management is gonna be pissed."
Yoongi hummed an affirmative and pulled back. "Looks like the bleeding's stopped. Put some balm on it, and make sure not to bite it or it might split open again."
Jin smirked, but nodded. "Need me to throw that shirt away?"
"Ah, no..." Yoongi searched for an explanation but Jin just shrugged as if he didn't need one.
"Okay. I'm gonna go back to the studio now. Thank you again, Yoongi." He smiled sweet and bright, and placed his fingers on the inside of Yoongi's wrist. "You're so kind."
Yoongi blushed but didn't pull away. "Yeah, yeah. I'm a saint."
Jin laughed, "I didn't say that. I know you're definitely naughty."
At that, Yoongi did pull his wrist back and rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay, have a good practice Jin, don't get hurt again. I'm getting tired of cleaning you up." Lies, lies, and more lies. Yoongi wanted to mark him up and clean him up every day if he could.
He watched Jin leave again and barely made it past the door clicking shut before he ran to his room and slammed the door. God, it had been so hard not to take Jin's lip between his teeth and work it open again while he pulled Jin into him.
He laid the shirt out on his bed, equal parts grossed out by every splotch and stain, and aroused by every idea it spurred.
Once more, then he'd throw it away, he promised himself.
He pulled back the covers and climbed under them, pulling off his pants and underwear and reaching over between the wall and his bed, where he hid his lube. He was hard, but he didn't touch it yet. He wanted so bad to be rocking on three fingers with the smell of blood in his face before he came.
He worked himself open with one finger, curling it and getting comfortable, before adding another and picking up the pace. His thigh shook from the tension and his head was tipped over the head of his bedframe.
He told himself he didn't want to hurt Jin, but all he could think about was opening a split lip, pushing the crescents of his fingernails into Jin's chest and watching speckles of blood bloom, of begging Jin to let him create just a small cut where no one but Yoongi could see. He told himself he wasn't going to pursue Jin, but the idea of getting on his knees and begging for it had him so close already.
He added a third finger and imagined for a second he could hear that all-too-familiar hitch in Jin's breath.
Except it wasn't his imagination when Jin closed the bedroom door behind him and quietly asked, "Yoongi?"
Yoongi screamed in a way that he would be ashamed of later, grabbing the shirt and stuffing it under the covers which he then pulled up to his chest. "Don't you knock?!"
"I thought I heard... something." Jin blushed but didn't look away.
"Yeah, you did. It was me in the privacy of my room. Can you leave please?"
Jin walked over and sat on his bed, facing Yoongi. He was quiet for what felt like forever, and Yoongi's fingers anxiously gripped and loosened around the shirt under the covers.
"Do you want me to leave?"
Yoongi's mouth dropped open. "I - yeah, of course, I mean - what?"
Jin drew his lip into his mouth, and Yoongi's stomach swooped low enough to hit the ground. He seemed shy, but he was moving full speed ahead and Yoongi wasn't ready. "... What if I don't leave?" He pulled his lip back out, wincing, and ran a finger over it. A bead of blood sat on the top of his lip, and he pouted.
"What the fuck," Yoongi whispered.
"Yoongi, can I have that shirt we used earlier please? My lip is bleeding."
His hand tightened in the shirt, and he knew what was happening but he still couldn't believe it. He slowly pulled the shirt from under the covers and handed it over to Jin.
Jin placed it to his lip without a second thought.
It was quiet for a long time, but Yoongi might have just gone deaf from how loud he could hear his blood pumping in his own ears.
Jin was looking at the floor but Yoongi couldn't look anywhere but at him. He was fucking gone, hanging there waiting for whatever Jin would say or do next, watching him as he wiped a palm along the side his jeans.
He breathed. "Yeah?"
"Why do you have this?"
Yoongi couldn't answer.
"Do you like seeing me hurt?"
Jin finally looked up at him. His face was trained still, but there was too much going on in his eyes for Yoongi's comfort. "Do you like seeing me bleed?"
He swallowed. "Yeah, I do."
"Would you like me without it?"
"Yeah. I do."
Jin nodded, and stood up. He grabbed Yoongi's hand and placed the shirt back in his palm. He hesitated for a moment before finally dropping Yoongi's hand and leaving.
For some reason, the click of the door closing didn't feel like an ending.
Days passed, Yoongi constantly on edge, catching Jin watching him out of the corner of his eye, going to bed on their own, and never being left one-on-one. He couldn't tell if it was his doing, or if it was Jin's, or if that's just how it happened, but for days, the pieces just didn't match up.
It was a little over a week later, when Yoongi and Jin are alone in the kitchen making dinner that Jin lets Yoongi know he hasn't forgotten.
Yoongi's hunched over the cutting board, laughing at some stupid pun Jin had made up on the spot, when the knife slips from the board and over his fingertip. He doesn't scream, he just inhales sharply and whispers, "Fuck."
Jin was on him in a second, though, picking up his hand and inspecting it. "Are you okay?"
"I think I'm... bleeding." Yoongi stumbled over the last word, knowing. Knowing.
Jin watched the red appear, pooling before it dripped, and slowly lifted the finger to his lips. He didn't even blush - even if he was afraid, he was such a good actor - when he placed the cut on his lips and slid it back and forth.
Yoongi let out another strangled, "Fuck."
His lips were glistening with blood as he tentatively sucked the blood off Yoongi's finger. "So it's not just my blood, then."
Yoongi yanked his hand back like he'd been burned, and almost tripped over a chair on his way out. He could hear Namjoon asking about him, and Jin responding in a calm, sweet voice, "He's okay, just a cooking wound."
He washed his hands and counted to ten, and counted to twenty, and counted to sanity. What was happening, why was Jin doing this to him? Why couldn't he take the step if Jin was acting like this? He was obviously up for it, so Yoongi couldn't understand why he was being such a coward.
But he did know why.
He didn't want to ask for it. He felt so weak when it came to Kim Seokjin. He didn't want to end up on his knees asking for it in the first five minutes, but he couldn't trust himself, so it was easier to do nothing.
So he put on a bandage and went back to the kitchen like nothing had happened, and Jin for his part played along. Everyone gathered for dinner, made sure Yoongi was okay, and enjoyed their cooking. He was able to distract himself from the tightness in his stomach for hours before eventually Hobi kicked him out of his room, forcing him to go to bed in his own room.
He opened the door to an already dark room and quietly shuffled out of his clothes and under his covers. His hand caught fabric as it slid under the pillow, and he pulled out the shirt stained in Jin's blood. He shoved it to the side of his bed between the wall and pretended it didn't exist for a moment.
The room felt heavy and suffocating, but Yoongi knew it was all in his head. Jin was breathing heavily, asleep he thought until he caught a familiar sound.
He didn't move. Every sound became so loud to him, the way Jin's covers were moving back and forth ever so slightly. The ragged breath Jin took every couple seconds. But Yoongi didn't move. It's for him, he knows it's for him. Can't he even make himself ask for it now?
It didn't matter in the end, as a soft padding of steps made their way from across the room to Yoongi's bed. The covers pulled up like always, Jin slid under them like always, and he wrapped himself around Yoongi like always.
He was gonna throw up. It was too much. He attempted to say, "Yeah," but it came out as a breath caught in his throat.
"Yoongi," Jin repeated, his voice higher and strung out as he moved his leg over Yoongi's and moved his hand down Yoongi's stomach.
"Fuck. What are you doing, Jin?"
Jin paused, hand pulling back. "Can I not?"
Jin sat up with a scared expression. "Please yes or please no?"
Yoongi didn't respond with words, instead pulling Jin back down into a kiss that he hoped got his point across. He could feel Jin laughing into the kiss, but that didn't stop him from throwing the blanket off and rolling over on top of Yoongi.
"What do you want?"
"Everything, anything, I'll take anything."
"All night, all week, til I die, I don't care."
Jin let out a loud laugh at that point, sweet and blushing. "I meant how long have you wanted this?"
Yoongi tried not to blush, but he was exposed and Jin was probing him with emotional questions. "A really long time."
"Since my nosebleed?"
"Mm. But you did like that right?" Jin rubbed the outside of Yoongi's boxers as he spoke.
Yoongi nodded furiously.
"Where is it?"
Yoongi automatically reached between the wall and the bed to pull the shirt out. Jin took it from his hands and put it to his face.
"When you handed it to me for my split lip, it smelled weird."
He couldn't stop himself from blushing deep red as Jin leaned down and mouthed his cock through his boxers.
"It smelled like come."
"Fuck," he barely managed to breathe out.
Jin gave no warning before pulling his boxers down and sucking Yoongi down, humming with satisfaction the whole way. He bobbed up and down, working his hands on the shaft and rolling Yoongi's balls in his hand. Yoongi couldn't stop himself from placing his hand on the back of Jin's head, flexing and carding his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck.
If he could just have this, it was perfect. He wasn't greedy, this was more than he ever thought of. But just as he thought it, Jin was pulling back and resting on his heels.
"Lube?" Jin placed a hand out and made a 'give it here' motion. Yoongi obliged, on the verge of crying from happiness. He rubbed a bunch between his fingers, not caring about any mess made on Yoongi's sheets, before going back to his spot between Yoongi's legs. He simultaneously sucked Yoongi's dick back down as he slid one finger into him.
"God," he groaned and spread his legs, urging Jin in further.
Jin hummed and pulled his mouth back, finger still working. "Have you done this to yourself recently, Yoongi?"
"Yes, yes, I did."
"For me? Were you thinking about me?"
Yoongi nodded and groaned as Jin added a finger and increased the pace.
"I've wanted to do this for so long."
Yoongi sat partly up at that, surprised and confused.
Jin laughed and kissed the inside of Yoongi's thigh. "How can you be surprised? You heard me every night. Who do you think the show was for?"
"Oh my god, you knew I was listening?" Yoongi threw an arm over his face, but he could feel a breathy laugh from Jin ghost over his stomach, followed by a kiss.
"Yoongiiii, you know how good I am at putting on a show." He pushed himself up to look at Yoongi before raising his index finger and thumb to his lip, pulling it so that the precarious scab that had been forming pulled and resplit. Blood rose to the surface immediately, and Yoongi couldn't stop himself from grabbing the back of Jin's neck and pulling him on top of him, devouring his lips and sucking every last bit of spit and tangy blood from Jin's mouth.
Jin's hips rutted against Yoongi's and everything was so good, so much.
"Condom?" Jin asked between kisses.
Yoongi looked at him, slightly shaking his head. "I don't..."
"It's okay, I have one, hold on."
Yoongi grabbed his arm as he went to get up. "No, I mean. Can we not?"
"Fuck, are you sure?"
Jin was kissing him again, but Yoongi heard the top of the lube click open before it got tossed to the side. Then Jin was there, pushing inside of him, and Jin's hands were on top of Yoongi's wrists above his head, and Jin's blood was on the tip of Yoongi's tongue, and it was perfect.
"Been ready, come on." It came out as a cross between a sob and a command, but Jin just laughed.
Yoongi didn't know what to expect, he'd imagined sex with Jin a thousand different exotic ways, positions, and scenarios, but he never thought his favorite would be in his own bed, Jin on top of him, steadily snapping his hips into Yoongi.
"I've wanted to do everything to you, you're so beautiful Yoongi."
Yoongi wanted to shy away from the compliment but just flexed his hands across Jin's back and let it wash over him.
"Would you ride me?"
"God, yes." Yoongi flipped him, immediately reseating himself on Jin's cock. "Can I..." He didn't know how to ask, so he just softly dug his nails into Jin's chest.
Jin nodded, and Yoongi cautiously began forcing his nails into the soft of Jin's chest. Jin's eyes were clamped shut but he was slamming up into Yoongi harder and faster and losing rhythm.
"Ah!" Jin couldn't stop himself from exclaiming as Yoongi pierced his skin and little droplets of blood began blossoming.
"Fuck, you're beautiful, Jin."
"Again, please one more time - Yoongi please I'm almost there."
Yoongi shuddered as he wiped the droplets down, creating small streaks across Jin's chest. With one hand, he began digging in one more time, and with the other hand began working his cock furiously.
Jin screamed one more time, and froze. Yoongi could feel come filling him up and dripping out, and he was gone. He dropped forward on one arm as he came on Jin's stomach, one raspy groan all that he had left in his mind.
"Oh my god," Yoongi rolled to the side, and Jin shuffled closer to the wall so they could fit on the bed side by side. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"
Jin raised and hand and wobbled it back and forth. "A little, but I don't mind."
Yoongi ran his hand over Jin's chest, accidentally ending up on the pile of come on his stomach. "I almost came on your wounds. How fucked up would that have been?"
"I would have killed you. Can you clean me up a little bit? It's getting cold." Jin reached for the shirt that had started it all, but Yoongi grabbed his hand.
"Don't need that." He lowered his mouth to Jin's stomach and began licking every inch of it.
"You're going to be the death of me..."
Yoongi smiled up at Jin. "You already know my deepest, darkest kink. I'm just trying to find yours."
Jin let Yoongi lick him clean while he watched, a hand in his hair guiding him around to spots he'd missed. When he was done, Jin pulled him back up for a deep kiss and reached over him to get the blanket off the floor and over them.
"I do have some bad news though."
Yoongi tensed, expecting the worse. "Yeah?"
"You'd never be able to find my number one thing naturally. There's no way."
"Oh really? Is that a challenge?"
Jin shrugged, that sweet smile every bit a lie. "You'd have to work really long and hard to find it, but that's up to you."
Yoongi played cool in response, trying not to let Jin onto the blush creeping up his cheeks as well as the gummy smile he beamed at the ceiling. "I guess we could do that."
Jin exhaled and took up his usual spot at Yoongi's side, sliding his head to rest on Yoongi's chest, an arm thrown over his torso, and a leg over his knees.
How it always was and how maybe it always might be.