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Fidelity

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He wasn’t sure how things had ended up going so badly. What started out as “Gosh Neku, aren’t you just bored to tears?” on a particularly balmy spring morning had quickly ran headlong into breathless pants and moans, please don’t stops and messed up sheets. That part wasn’t a surprise, hormones were a powerful thing and they were both attractive. No, the issue was when Joshua started kissing Neku for no reason, started wearing Neku’s hoodie to bed because it smelled like him and when he realised with a jolt that left him staring wide eyed at his wall for a good half hour that Neku had every intention of moving away for university whilst Joshua emphatically did not. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to per se, it would certainly make many things easier, but he could never get rid of this nagging feeling that of all the things he shouldn’t do leaving Shibuya was at the top of the list, right along with falling in love with Neku.

But just because something was a bad idea, didn’t necessarily mean it wasn’t mind blowing in the moment and that’s how Josh found himself whirling in a heady stream of emotions as his normally astute mind tried to form words. He liked to take this time to enjoy the moment, as Hanekoma would say. The slight scratch of crumpled bedsheets, scent of sex in the air and the still laboured breathing of the boy lying next to him. Sometimes, in these moments, he liked to imagine this could last forever. In a different world maybe he was like a God and he could make Neku stay. Maybe they’d work hand in hand to shape the city and its inhabitants into something greater. Of course, he wasn’t foolish enough to believe in his imaginary world of Composers and Noise and Games, but what was life without a little fantasy.

With a deep sigh Joshua dragged himself out of his reverie and reached out to light up a cigarette. A nasty habit for sure and he’s sure another version of him would take great delight in snapping each slender stick. “What’s bothering you?” The noise startles him as he turns to face the ginger boy. “Nothing, it’s just… I’ve enjoyed all of this.” A stifled laugh. “What can I say, your mouth has many talents.” “No. All of us.” The last word is nearly a whisper, Joshua flinching oh so slightly in preparation of what’s to come. He knows the platitudes that are on their way, oh you’re my best friend Josh but that’s just what this is, friends with benefits and isn’t that what you wanted? “We can always fuck whenever I’m back for hol-“. His words are cut off as lips force themselves against his and Neku leans into the kiss, knowing the silver haired boy needs this and as the kiss deepens and their tongues explore he thinks that maybe a little bit of him needs this too.

~

Joshua slurped up his ramen greedily, barely paying attention to Neku rambling on about the new Jupiter release and has he seen the new CAT mural, hey do you fancy going to Stride oh and by the way I’ve been accepted at that art school. “Sorry? You’ve been what?” Silver hair spilled about as his head snapped up at the last statement, eyes widening in panic. “But, but that’s in Osaka. That’s miles away, where would you live? Won’t you miss people?” He stops himself just in time before his real question spills out, won’t you miss me? Neku pinched the bridge of his nose as he stared into the remains of his broth. “Of course I’ll miss all of you. Especially you. But I can’t stifle myself here. You might be set on staying in Shibuya for some godforsaken reason but I’m not and we’re… Can we go back to your place?” Joshua just nodded solemnly as he gathered his jacket.

“What’s happening with us? What are we?” The abruptness of the question caused Neku to spin round from Joshua’s desk where he’d been sat rearranging his tin pins. “Well… you’re my best friend and we like to fuck. That’s what you asked for back when this started. Do… Do you want to break it off? I guess it would make sense for when I go to uni so you can find someone else…” Josh shook his head firmly, hands scrabbling out to clasp onto the older boys’, a sense of urgency usually reserved for family emergencies washing over him. “You know how I’ve always felt I need to stay in Shibuya.” A nod as cerulean eyes glanced from joined hands up to lavender ones. Josh felt his eyes squeeze shut as he sucked in a lungful of air, mentally preparing himself for the words that would spill out of his mouth. “Neku, these have been the best months of my life, you make me feel so… complete. You’re meant to be in Shibuya too. We’re meant to be here. Together. Neku, there’s a million worlds out there where things are different, but here, right now, I… I love you Neku.” Joshua’s hands tightened around the other boys with an almost violent fervour before releasing entirely as he felt fat droplets slip from between his eyelids.


Neku blinked rapidly as he took in Josh’s rambling, both boys could feel their hearts pounding in their ears, threatening to spill out with every breath. Neku pulled the slender boy close to him and wrapped his arms around his shaking form as he leant in to kiss him, sparks practically flew from their lips as each of them tried to force out the words they couldn’t speak through urgent pecks and battling tongues. They broke their kiss just long enough to catch their breath, Josh let a grin spread to his face as he regarded Neku’s lust blown pupils, dragging the older boy to the bed. Hands scrabbled out in desperation to undress, fingers nimbly seeking out buttons and zippers till they were finally pressed against each other’s bare skin.


They didn’t need words in these moments. Breathless moans and desperate pants conveyed everything they could ever need to say as they both began to stroke each other, lips roaming over bodies, grazing over nipples and nipping at collarbones in an intoxicating dance of please more, groans, stars exploding and words colliding. Neku whimpered as he bucked up in to Josh’s hand and leant over to suck at his nipples, eliciting a gasp from the silver haired boy. Their tryst soon reached a fever pitch, names being cried out as they both came with ragged breaths.

Josh laid his head on Neku’s chest after they had cleaned up, content to listen to his still pounding heart in silence. He sighed in contentment as he felt a hand snake around his shoulder. “You know, Josh, they do have a campus in Shibuya, I think it’s even near your conservatory. I can always do a few more years here I suppose.” It took a few worried shakes from Neku before Josh managed to suck in a breath, eyes wide and staring up at cerulean and orange before he let his face fall back into a more customary smirk. “I’m sure you can stay a little longer than that, every composer needs a conductor after all.”