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A Little A.I. On My Shoulder

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Though Bucky was still finding new features several days after Tony’s drunken arm upgrade, he didn’t actually notice what was probably the biggest one until almost two weeks later.

 

“Crap,” Bucky muttered to himself, frowning at the selection of cheesecakes in front of him. He wanted to surprise Tony with one from the little shop he liked, but he couldn’t remember which flavor Tony had said was his favorite. Bucky remembered that it was a red berry, but - “Was it the raspberry, or the strawberry?”

 

“If I may, Sergeant Barnes, Sir discovered he was partial to the raspberry after Miss Potts introduced it to him,” JARVIS said helpfully.

 

Bucky sighed in relief. “Alright, thanks JAR-”

 

Wait… why was JARVIS talking to him in a crowded bakery?

 

“JARVIS?” Bucky asked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. When JARVIS replied, however, his voice didn’t come from the phone’s speaker.

 

“Is there anything else I can assist you with, Sergeant Barnes?” asked Bucky’s arm.

 

Bucky swore and dropped his phone.

 

~

 

Tony stared at Bucky’s arm in apparent fascination.

 

“Huh,” he said, and took a bite of cheesecake.

 

Bucky crossed his arms and leaned back until his hip was resting against the countertop. “‘Huh’?” he repeated. “That’s all you have to say?”

 

Tony shrugged. “I’m a genius?” he tried instead, before holding his dessert-laden fork up for Bucky. “I mean, I’m not sure what else to say. I wouldn’t think it would have been possible, but then again I wouldn’t have thought the laser, the wi-fi hotspot, or the flamethrower would have been possible, either.”

 

Bucky sighed in exasperation, and ignored the bite Tony had offered him. “Well, can you uninstall him?”

 

“Probably. But why would you want me to?”

 

Bucky made a face. “Off the top of my head? I’m not makin’ love to you while your robotic butler is installed in my arm, Tony,” he said, voice strained.

 

Tony held up a finger. “One, he’s an artificial intelligence, not a robot,” he said, before dropping his hand and shrugging again. “And two: why not? It’s no different than J being everywhere else in the tower.”

 

Bucky blushed, but before he could say anything JARVIS interrupted.

 

“If I may,” he suggested, using one of the speakers in the room rather than Bucky’s arm, for which Bucky was thankful. “I enter privacy mode during those instances, and can do so in this new iteration as well.”

 

Tony snapped his fingers. “See? Problem solved.”

 

Bucky grimaced. “No, just… no.” He looked down at his arm, and then up at the ceiling. “Not that I don’t like you, JARVIS. Just…”

 

“I assure you, I understand completely, Sergeant,” JARVIS replied.

 

Tony pouted. “Fine. But I still think it would be useful. What if our comms go down, or you’re off on a mission and could use J’s help?”

 

“He has a point.” Natasha remarked, scaring both Bucky and Tony. Neither had noticed her come into the kitchen, and she’d somehow managed to snatch a plate, a fork, and a piece of cheesecake without detection as well. At their surprise, she gave them both an amused smile. “Personally, I’d find JARVIS’s presence comforting.”

 

“I am touched, Agent Romanoff.”

 

Natasha tipped her fork towards the ceiling in acknowledgement, then slapped Tony’s hand when he tried to steal her slice of cheesecake.

 

Bucky considered. “Could you make it so I could turn it on and off manually?” he asked Tony, after a second’s hesitation. If he could choose when and if JARVIS was there, it would be another thing entirely.

 

Tony looked offended. “I’m insulted you even have to ask,” he sniffed, wisely giving up on Natasha and picking up the box that held what was left of dessert. “That sound okay to you, JARVIS?”


“I think it would be a nice change of pace,” JARVIS answered drolly. “Sergeant Barnes, at least, heeds my advice when it comes to his personal safety.”