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I Worry Because I Love You

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Today was the day that they were filming some demon scene for their newest episode. This wouldn’t bother Jensen regularly, except he would have to watch Jared get slammed into the wall. A hundred times the director had assured Jared he’d be perfectly safe at the end of the stunt. Little did he know he was reassuring the wrong person. Jared was brave, Jared was strong. Jared could pull off the stunt while Jensen stood on the sidelines and worried for his safety.

Jensen had been panicking from the moment they’d announced Jared was going to be thrown like a rag doll. Yes there would be a harness. Yes they would take all the necessary precautions. Yes they’d looked over every possible detail. Jared had done a million scenes like this before, what was Jensen so worried about? Jensen was worried about Jared because Jared was his practically his little brother. Of course he was going to worry. He’d worried every time Jared had to do a stunt.

Because as much as Jensen told everyone that Jared was like a brother to him, there was no way Jensen could lie to himself. He was inexplicably and completely in love with his costar. His straight, uninterested costar that actually did see Jensen as a big brother. And every time Jared teased him or hung out with him or put his arm around Jensen in a photo, Jensen’s heart ached for him.

So yay. Jensen got to watch Jared pull of a stunt that he would be fine at the end of—hopefully—and Jensen would only see his closest friend and object of affection faking unconsciousness. And then Jensen would have to pretend like he wasn’t sick to his stomach.

Jensen knew Jared could sense his anxiety all the way on the drive to the set. Jared kept shooting him looks and repeating that the stunt was going to be fine, why was Jensen worrying when they’d done this a hundred times? Jensen brushed him off with a casual, “Just haven’t had my coffee yet, Jay.”

Jared remained unconvinced. “I just want to make sure you’re okay, Jen. You’re my best friend.”

I know. But you don’t know that I want more. Jensen forced a smile when they arrived at the set and went into his trailer to try and calm down. It was going to be fine. Their crew was totally responsible and they were really smart. They knew what they were doing and Jared would be safe. Jared would be safe.

There was a knock on his trailer door and before Jensen could open it, Jared was inside. “Jen, what’s up?”


Jared sat next to him on the couch. “I’d believe you, except for the fact that you’re a horrible liar. I can see right through you every time.”

“I’m not hiding anything. I’m okay,” Jensen lied. “Just tired.”

Jared offered him some candy. “This always makes me feel better.”

Jensen smiled at his friend and took one of the sour candies. “Thanks, Jay.”

“Sure thing.” Jared took a bite of candy too. “If you’re worried about the stunt, I’m going to be okay.”

“I know. But I mean, I just…” Jensen’s sentence trailed off.

Jared threw an arm around Jensen. “Dude. I’ll be fine. And you’ll be right there watching me, making sure I’m okay. After all the worst that’s happening is I’m getting beat up by a girl,” Jared joked.

Jensen laughed dryly and didn’t mention that he’d rather do anything than watch Jared get hurt, even if it was faked. “I’ll be right there.”

Jared beamed at him and Jensen knew that he’d do anything for Jared.


A harness was being fastened around Jared’s ribs while Jensen watched. Jared was still smiling and joking around. Jensen wished he could be as easygoing about this scene as Jared was. He knew he was exaggerating the danger in the situation, but you always worried about someone you loved. It was just instinct.

Jared shot him a reassuring look. “It’s going to be fine, Jensen.”

“I know,” Jensen replied. “I know.” Jensen didn’t know who he was convincing, Jared or himself.

Jared stepped onto the set and began to rehearse his lines. Like always, Jensen was impressed by how easily Jared could turn from a joking, teasing guy into Sam Winchester, a guy who was scared of nothing and serious a hundred percent of the time. His acting was spot on, not even bothering to joke around with the guest actress playing the demon. Jensen knew it was because he wanted to get the scene over with as soon as possible and not cause Jensen more anxiety that he was already in.

Jensen felt a wave of gratitude for his friend.

The part where Jared would be tossed into the brick wall was dramatically approaching. The pit in Jensen’s stomach jumped into his throat. Shit, shit, shit. Just breath. He’s not in danger. It’s all in your head.

The demon held out her hand like she was using some demon energy and Jared was yanked back into the wall. The director called cut and set up the props for the next set. A few people congratulated Jared on his ability to stay still and seem so unconscious. Jensen moved to Jared’s side and touched his shoulder. “Jay, you can wake up now. The scene’s over.” Jared didn’t move. “Jared, buddy, wake up. Jared, we have to move on to the next part.” Jensen shook his shoulder gently. “Jared, wake up. Talk to me, please!” Jensen’s tone was loud and desperate and a few people moved over to him.

Someone touched his shoulder. “It’s alright, Jared’s alright.”

“He’s not responding,” Jensen said tonelessly. It felt like he couldn’t find words. “He’s not awake.”

Someone from the stunt team approached Jensen. He also shook Jared’s shoulder. “Jared, the scene is over. Wake up.” Jared didn’t stir. “I don’t know…” The man stopped, along with Jensen’s heartbeat. The stunt coordinator looked at Jared’s harness. “His harness isn’t on right.”

“What?” Jensen choked.

“I don’t know, whoever put it on didn’t do it properly. Jared’s not faking. He must actually have a head injury.”

Those were the last words Jensen heard before running from the set.


Jensen fell into Jared’s trailer and landed on the couch. Jared has a head injury. Not possible. Their stunt team was one of the best. Not possible. Jared has a head injury. It felt like every bone in his body turned to jelly and his stomach had flown out through his throat. 

He breathed in the scent of Jared and tried to remember that just a few hours ago Jared was sharing his candy with him and telling Jensen that nothing bad could happen. You were wrong, Jensen thought. Why couldn’t it have been me that did the stunt? Why did they have to hurt Jared?

Jensen knew it was an accident but it didn’t lessen the pain. His head ached and Jensen’s eyes fluttered shut. Jared had a head injury. “Jensen?” A voice said outside the door. “Are you in there?”

Jensen didn’t feel like responding. But he stood up and opened the trailer door. A young PA stood outside the door and looked mournful. Jensen immediately assumed the worst. She placed a hand on his arm. “It’s going to be okay. He has a pretty bad concussion and some bruised ribs. They took him to the hospital. I wouldn’t say the same for the guy who put the harness on. He’s been fired and feels horrible about it.”

Jensen wanted to punch the guy, he wanted to make him feel the same way Jensen did and even worse than Jared did. But anger wasn’t going to help anyone at this point. Jensen nodded and forced a smile at the young girl. “Can I see him?”

She nodded. “He’s not far. Clif can drive you.”

Jensen nodded again and the smile faded as he thought of seeing Jared in the hospital. It was a picture that flitted through Jensen’s nightmares. But he left the trailer and found Clif waiting for him at the car. “Can we go?”

“As fast as the speed limit will let us,” Clif replied. “We’ll be just fine.”

“I won’t be until I know Jared is okay.”

Clif nodded in understanding. “He’s your best friend. I get that.”

He’s so much more. “Yeah.”

The ride to the hospital was quiet. Clif attempted to get Jensen to talk but the image of Jared not waking up as Jensen shook him sent fear through Jensen’s body. Any words that might come out would be mingled with tears. As soon as they reached the hospital Clif continued to do the talking and find out where Jared was staying. It felt like Jensen was walking through quicksand to get to his best friend. As soon as they reached the door Jensen put his hand on the handle but didn’t open it. He turned to look at Clif who said, “I’ll wait out here.”

Jensen nodded, which was quickly becoming his only mean of communication. He stepped inside the hospital room and saw Jared lying on the bed. The walls were white and Jensen couldn’t help but think how much they contrasted with Jared’s outgoing personality.

Jensen took a seat beside Jared’s bed. “Hey, Jared.”

Jared stirred and opened his eyes to look at Jensen. “Hey, Jen.”

Jensen jumped up. “You were unconscious, you were—I mean—I was so scared.”

“Jen, relax. I was just sleeping. I mean, I wasn’t at first, but now I was. I was hoping someone could come and visit me.” Jared smiled weakly.

Jensen sat back down. “God, you scared me to death, Jay. How do you feel?”

“I’ve been better.” Jared reached out and grabbed Jensen’s hand. “You’re pale as a ghost, I should be asking you the same question.”

“Well, you see your best friend slammed into a wall and then fucking pass out… it’s worthy of making me pale,” Jensen snapped.
“Oh, don’t get all snippy you big baby. I’m gonna be fine,” Jared replied with a grin. “Just a little worse for the wear. Perfectly capable of taking care of myself, especially if I’ve got your sorry ass to worry over me.”

“Even lying in a hospital bed you’re making fun of me,” Jensen croaked. “I come to see if you’re okay and I get mocked.”

Jared laughed loudly and then winced. “Ow.” His rubbed his ribs. “My ribs hurt, Jen.”

Jensen saw actual pain in Jared’s eyes for a second and resisted the urge to throw his arms around the younger actor and hold him tight, telling him that it was all going to be fine. “It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know,” Jared responded sleepily. “I’m never gonna get rid of your stupid ass.”

Jensen squeezed his hand. “Go to sleep.”


“Of course,” Jensen replied. It hadn’t occurred to him to do anything else.


Jensen drifted off at some point too, curled up on the chair with his head lolling behind him. He was woken at the sound of people coming in and whispering.

“Jensen’s been here almost as long as Jared,” Jensen heard Clif say. “Hasn’t left his bedside.”

“They’re best friends,” Misha responded. “It’d be more shocking if he did leave.”

“Jared would do the same for him,” Clif agreed.

Misha didn’t say anything in response and Jensen heard the two men take a seat. “I really hope he’s gonna be okay,” Misha said.

“He will be. He’s a fighter. And he’s got Jensen. That’s one kid that never gives up.”

Jensen’s eyes opened. He didn’t need to hear any more gossip about their friendship. It was actually shocking that the cast and crew hadn’t figured out that Jensen’s feelings for Jared extended well beyond friendship. “Hey guys.”

Misha smiled gently. “Hey, Jen. Um, how you doing?”

“I’ve been better,” Jensen echoed Jared’s words from earlier. He noticed his hand was still wrapped around Jared’s. “But it’s Jared you should be worried about.”

“I’m surprised they found a hospital bed big enough for his gigantic body.”

“I heard that,” Jared mumbled. Jensen jumped as his eyes opened. “Everyone’s making fun of the guy who’s hospitalized. Ha, ha.”

“It’s just because we love you, Jay,” Jensen said. Jensen bit his lip as soon as he said those words.

“Love you too, asshole.” Jared’s words were directed at Jensen. Jensen felt goosebumps at the intensity in Jared’s kind hazel eyes. there was no sign of the usual joking.

Jensen rested his head on the hospital bed. “You fucker, can’t believe you scare me like that again.”

“Scare so easily, what are you, a girl?”

Jensen glanced back at Misha and Clif. They were staring at Jensen and Jared with fond expressions on their faces. Jared engaged in conversation with them but Jensen kept his head next to Jared’s chest on the scratchy hospital sheets. There weren’t any words that really mattered.

Jensen felt himself starting to fall asleep again. Jared’s soothing voice always had that affect on him. At the end of a long filming day Jensen would nod off in his chair if he heard Jared speaking. He let his eyes flutter shut and felt a large hand that could only belong to one person run through his hair. Jensen purred under the touch and Jared chuckled, continuing to stroke Jensen’s scalp. The love Jensen had for him filled every crack and crevice in his body. Even when Jared was hurt he took care of Jensen.

Jared was going to be okay, and that was what mattered.