A/N – This is my first try at fan fiction. Hope you like!
Most people might think Abed’s kind of a robot, but then most people have not seen Abed when he is in the passionate throes of hot sex. Abed may seem emotionless in his every day interactions, but during sex he is definitely at his most expressive. It is only then that he truly relinquishes control, feeling and showing the emotions he usually represses deep inside of himself. And Troy is the only one who gets to see it, he’s the only one able to draw Abed out of himself, and it’s this thought that pushes him over the edge every time.
He’s thinking it now as Abed thrashes beneath him, moaning and whimpering and crying out Troy’s name, sweaty and disheveled. Troy can tell that he is close to his limit, arching and shaking underneath him. And sure enough, in the next moment, Abed cries out once loud and long, his eyes squeezed shut, wrinkle lines creasing his forehead, as he comes, clinging to Troy as if he is some sort of lifesaver. Troy is close behind him, chasing him to the finish, gasping and panting as he empties himself deep inside of Abed. He collapses on top of him, spent and winded. Abed is still shuddering underneath him attempting to regain some semblance of control, eyes still squeezed shut, holding Troy tightly.
Sex takes a lot out of Abed, more so than other people. Troy isn’t sure why, but it always takes Abed a long time to come back to himself. So he lays quietly, head buried in the crook of Abed’s neck, listening as he struggles to slow his ragged breaths. He gives him this time because he knows Abed needs it, and after a time known only to Troy and gleaned from trial and error and a deep understanding of the inner workings of Abed, Troy lifts his head and looks at his boyfriend. He brushes his hand gently over Abed’s forehead, smoothing out the frown lines still creased there and pushing his matted hair off his face. Abed’s eyes are still closed but not so tightly, and Troy can tell he is relaxing and coming back to him.
“Hey, buddy, you ok?” Troy asks, softly, breaking the spell as he places a chaste kiss on the corner of Abed’s mouth. Abed slowly opens his eyes, blinks once as if to clear away the sex-induced fog that has settled into his brain, and nods.
“Yeah, that was just… intense,” he says, gradually loosening his hold on Troy at last. Troy gently lifts himself off of Abed. Abed whimpers just a little at the loss of contact, so he rolls onto his side and gathers Abed to him, holding him closely and tightly. Abed curls into him and settles into the embrace, sighing deeply.
The other thing Troy knows after three months of sex with Abed is that Abed craves and needs physical contact after sex; he is by all definitions a cuddler, something else only Troy gets to see because Abed on a regular basis only barely tolerates contact from his friends and has days where he can’t stand being touched at all. Weirdly, sometimes no touching days mean no sex but not always. In fact, sometimes sex is just what Abed needs to break loose of that cycle. No touching days sometimes extended into no touching weeks before Troy and Abed started having sex. It’s another thing Troy will never quite understand about Abed but accepts without question. And if after a long emotionally draining day that Abed spends trying to avoid physical contact, he comes home and whispers desperately, “Touch me, please,” as if Troy is the only one who can save him from himself, Troy can never deny him.
Abed is complex, relying on TV and movies to help him cope with things he can’t understand and slipping in and out of characters so quickly sometimes it’s hard to keep up with him. But Troy likes to think that this is the real Abed, the one curled up so close to him right here, right now, the one who isn’t afraid to allow his emotions to come bubbling to the surface and who isn’t afraid to relinquish himself to Troy, body mind and soul. And Troy loves that he is the one Abed has chosen to trust with this most vulnerable side of himself.
The truth is Abed hadn’t had a lot of sex before Troy, not because Abed doesn’t feel things or understand attraction or because there weren’t opportunities. Troy knows Abed has had no lack of opportunities, and he knows that Abed feels and understands physical attraction and love on a very deep level, which is exactly why Abed hasn’t had sex with a lot of people. There are few people in the whole world who Abed trusts enough to reveal this side of himself. He doesn’t like being vulnerable, and he doesn’t like not being in control. But he trusts Troy intensely and absolutely, no questions asked. And Troy takes care of that trust, nurturing and protecting it as he has never done with anything else in his whole life because it is the most fragile part of Abed. He knows that if he ever broke this trust, it would break Abed in a way that he may never be whole again. And Troy will not be the one to break Abed.
Instinctively and protectively, he pulls Abed impossibly closer to him. He relishes these moments after sex when Abed is open and unguarded, defenses completely down, the moments where he doesn't have to remember the rules about touching. In response, Abed makes a contented noise, burrowing his head in Troy’s neck, dozing in a happy post-coital haze.
Abed takes the lead in most things in their daily lives, and Troy happily (with few exceptions) follows him wherever he wants to go. Theirs has never been a relationship based on control, really; they both usually want the same things. But in their physical relationship, Troy dominates and Abed gives himself up willingly. There’s a definable moment during their lovemaking that Troy can pinpoint when he feels Abed just let go, lets himself feel love and lets himself be loved.
Sex with Abed is never just casual; it is deeply powerful, passionate, and personal. Not that it isn’t fun because, holy shit, Abed makes Troy feel things he’s never felt before either, and sometimes they get adventurous, but it is one of the few things in their lives that they both take very seriously with an almost religious reverence. It’s like an addiction that neither one can get enough of; they take and take from each other, but it’s never enough, and neither one can remember why it took them so long to get to this point.
Troy strongly suspects it’s because Abed left it up to Troy to make the first move, and Troy had a really hard time for a long time being honest with himself and his feelings for Abed because Abed’s a guy, and Troy’s not gay. But one day, Troy kissed Abed, and for all that he thought it was wrong, nothing had ever felt so right. The next day he discovered that moment when Abed gives himself up completely to Troy, and he’s been chasing after that moment ever since, addicted to it in a way that no drug could compare. He loves Abed more than anything; he has given up on defining it or putting labels on it, but it is a deep and pure love, something rare and significant and not to be ignored. Troy knows some people spend their whole lives looking for the kind of love that he has with Abed.
He is suddenly pulled out of his reverie by Abed stirring next to him, but Abed only slides his head further down to pillow it on Troy’s chest. He is fully asleep now, and Troy bends his neck down at an awkward angle, unable to resist kissing him on the top of his head as he settles back down into sleep. They never talk much after sex. They don’t need to; everything’s been felt and nothing needs to be said. They can just enjoy the closeness of each other’s company with no words coming between them. Normally, they are constantly talking - over each other, around each other, on top of each other, planning adventures, coming up with costume ideas, discussing Abed’s latest films, finishing each other’s sentences, somehow understanding each other when nobody else can.
But this silence says more than any words ever could. It says, “I love you and I trust you and I never want this to end.” Troy relaxes into it, happy and content. He is close to dozing off when…
“I’m hungry,” Abed says against Troy’s chest, thus ending the self-imposed silence. Troy smiles. The pattern is always the same. He always thinks he never wants the silence to end, but he likes this part too.
“Lucky Charms in bed?” he asks.
“Cool cool cool,” he gets in reply.
This is the real Troy and Abed, the Troy and Abed that no one else but them gets to see.