"Hey I'm home!" Blaine froze as he heard Kurt's voice waft through the entry way. He knew Kurt would be home by now; he always comes home at six. But today he just wished he'd have more time. He had been bracing himself all day for this and he had no choice but to face him.
"Blaine where are you?" Kurt asked as Blaine stepped into the living room, duffle bag slung over his shoulder.
"What's with the bag?" Kurt questioned, staring at him curiously.
Blaine didn't respond, he wasn't sure he could speak without bursting into tears. He'd been telling himself that he couldn't cry, he'd have to be strong. But as concern quickly flicked across Kurt's face he started to regret not leaving before Kurt came home.
Coward, he chided himself.
"Oh my goodness did someone die? Is something wrong?" Kurt asked quickly, moving to touch Blaine but he took a step back.
"What's going on?"
He took a deep breath before bracing himself to speak, "Kurt I am not so sure New York is for me anymore."
"What are you talking about, of course it is, we came here to perform and be stars," he stated as if it were obvious.
Blaine laughed humorlessly and turned away from him; the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over.
"No Kurt, that's why you came to New York," he said turning back to him. His face looked tired and spent from months of trying to pretend he was happy when in reality he was fighting daily not to crumble like he was now. He just kept telling himself not to cry, not until he was far away where Kurt wouldn't see him.
"You are so sure of what you're doing and I'm, I'm just some silly kid in New York."
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
He'd always thought that New York was his dream; to live in the city of lights and finally be able to be himself without worry. But he was more than a little shocked to find that perhaps he'd been looking in the wrong place. While Rachel and Kurt knew that they wanted to be on Broadway more than anything, Blaine was stuck floundering in a city far too big for him.
"Blaine what are you saying?" It hurt him to see Kurt this way. He looked so confused and hurt by the implications of Blaine's words.
"I'm saying that I think I should go home," he finally said with a defeated sigh.
It hurt him to know that he couldn't do it. He'd always thought that New York was the solution to his problems. That once he was out of prejudice Ohio he'd finally feel free of all his demons. But he knew now running away wasn't the answer, at least not to New York.
"But New York is our home," Kurt whispered, tears welling in his eyes. Blaine wanted more than anything to reach out to him and hold him tight. But he couldn't, he didn't want to make this any harder on either of them.
"No, it's your home," he said softly, "Ohio is where I belong."
"I thought you said that as long as we were together that would be enough. Am I not enough for you anymore?" Kurt asked, looking both hurt and betrayed.
"No, Kurt," he rushed to assure him. None of this was Kurt's fault; it was Blaine who couldn't handle it.
"You'll always be enough," he said with a watery smile. He remembered when he'd first met Kurt. He was so amazed with how strong he was and how fiercely he loved. He had always strived to be someone that was worthy of being with him and now he felt like he'd never been farther from being worthy.
"I could never ask you to leave this." His throat tightened as he pleaded, "So please don't try to make me stay."
This could be the end of everything.
"Of course," Kurt whispered with resignation, "I'd never make you do anything you don't want to."
Blaine nodded and grabbed his duffel bag before turning to Kurt.
"I still love you, I always will," he said, his hand reaching to ghost over Kurt's smooth cheek.
"We'll always have our time in New York to remember."
"I don't need any more memories," Kurt said icily before stepping away from him.
Blaine nodded before bracing himself. This was it, this was goodbye. Behind him he could hear Kurt fighting to stifle his sobs.
I'm never going to say goodbye to you.
"Goodbye Kurt," he whispered before walking out the door. He had to force himself to keep going and to not run back to Kurt and beg him to forgive him for being dramatic.
But he didn't, he didn't look back. Not when he was in the cab driving away from him, or when he was boarding the plane back to Ohio.
He didn't even cry. It felt like he couldn't, his whole body was numb and his heart ached uncomfortably in his chest.
He didn't cry until he was in his old room. As soon as he set his duffel bag down he felt everything come crashing down and he crumpled to the ground in a heap of sobs.
So why don't we go somewhere only we know.