Actions

Work Header

The Journal

Work Text:

Emma was a stubborn blonde who seemed to be incapable of expressing any emotion, left alone feel anything close to an emotion. She had grown up in the American foster system, which is safe to deem unsafe for children with emotions, so it makes a whole lot of sense. Emma learnt at a young age that emotions were weakness- it was almost as if Cora had gotten to her as well- so she learnt to hide them.

She hid them in a journal that never saw the light of day. It stayed hidden for all days except Sunday, which was the day that Emma wrote in it. It was like clockwork really, Emma wrote in it every week without fail, and once the book was filled she'd hide it under a floorboard or in a secret compartment and then buy a new one. That was the only routine in Emma's somewhat crazy life.

Emma was used to buying a new book every 10 months or so but for the five years that she had been living in Storybrooke she seemed to be buying a new journal every three or four months. It was the first time in her life that her emotions were hard to keep up with. In past years she had written mostly of anger but nowadays it was a whole range of emotions. Sometimes her emotions were so foreign to her she didn't even know what to call them, or even how to describe them without ranting for a page about it.

It was safe to say Emma's life had been rather insane in the past few years; a child, magic, discovering her whole family was a bunch of fairy-tale characters, travelling realms, falling in and out of love- you name it, she has experienced it.

It was rather late at night when Emma came home, or back to Snow and Charming's apartment. It had been a busy few days at the station so she hadn't been home in a couple of nights. Snow hadn't believed Emma about the station being busy, she thought Emma was lying- trying to pull away. Emma saw Charming asleep on the couch with the TV still on so she didn't dare wake him, she just made her way quietly to her room atop of the stairs.

It was then that she found Snow in her room. Snow looked like she was searching for something and Emma, with fear of Snow finding her journal, interrupted the search.

"Snow?" Emma queried as she leant against her doorframe. "What are you doing?" The question was rather curious but it had a slight undertone of anger. And it was something Snow could hear.

"Oh, I was just checking for any dirty clothes, I just wanted to help you keep on top of your washing." It was an obvious lie and both of them knew it. Snow wasn't sure what exactly she was looking for but it would have to have something to do with Emma pulling away; apartment listings, plane tickets, Snow was very anxious and very nosy.

Emma didn't know what Snow was looking for either, but she knew she didn't like Snow snooping around especially when she was so close to Emma's journal.

"Couldn't find anymore." Snow finally added sheepishly as she made her way out of Emma's bedroom.

Emma waited for Snow to reach the bottom of the stairs before she closed her door and started to remove her clothes. As soon as she stood naked in the middle of her room she moved quickly to her bed and flopped down onto it and waited for sleep to consume her.

The next morning Emma was woken by her phone buzzing somewhere on the floor rather than her alarm; maybe because she didn't set an alarm. She slowly made her way to the pants she had thrown on the floor the night before and reached for her phone in the back pocket.

The caller ID read "Regina hot stuff Mills" the phone quickly stopped buzzing before Emma could swipe to answer it. Regina's caller ID was mostly a joke. It was true that Emma found Regina attractive among other things but it was Ruby who decided to make that her ID- due to the fact that Emma spends a little too much time looking at Mayor Mills.

Emma's phone begun to buzz again in her hand, the same caller ID appeared, so Emma quickly swiped to answer it in hopes she wouldn't be yelled at by the brunette on the other end of the phone.

"Regina" Emma greeted softly as she prepared for the worst.

"Emma" It was softer than Emma imagined it would be, it was nice. "I know things at the station have been rough lately-" Emma thought that was an understatement. Things had been a little more than rough. It was a string of murders, three women in three weeks with no leads and it appeared they had been magical murders, but with Rumple being human again and Emma and Regina being the "Saviours" of the town there was no one to point the finger at that Emma or Regina could think of. Emma had spent days and nights with Regina and Charming trying to crack the case open, but with a lack of leads, it was becoming harder and harder to stay positive. "But I was wondering if you could come to my office today with those files Belle gave you yesterday?" Regina waited patiently and quietly for Emma's response.

"Yeah" Emma paused to look at the time. "Give me half an hour?"

Regina knew it wasn't really a question so she just responded with a calm "See you soon."

Emma pulled on the same pants from yesterday, the ones that were still in her hands and went to find a clean t-shirt. Emma was ready to leave with keys in hand within 5 minutes before she remembered what had happened last night, Snow and her snooping, Emma decided for safety measures that she would take her journal with her along with the files from Belle.

Emma pushed through Regina's office door without even knocking, the lack of formality was a part of the new relationship Emma and Regina had; it was mainly a working relationship but it was friendly, they were calm and soft with each other now- it was as if all the fighting had just worn them out too much- Of course there was still banter and sassy remarks but it was all harmless fun and both of the women knew that.

"Hey, Regina," Emma said as she trudged over to the large desk in which Regina sat behind.

"Hey," Regina coolly responded without looking up from her laptop.

"How's Henry?" Emma asked. She hadn't seen him in a few days because work had been so busy.

"Well. He got an A on his science project." Regina had now lifted her eyes from her computer screen. "He misses you."

Emma nodded. "And I him. Tell him I'm very proud of him."

Regina simply nodded and moved the conversation on. "Are those the files?" She asked gesturing to the rather large stack of papers in Emma's hands.

Emma stalked closer to the desk and placed herself into one of the seats in front of it. "Yeah. A list of all the residents of Storybrooke who are suspected or are confirmed to possess magic- and a fairly large profile on them." And with that Emma placed the large stack on top of all of Regina's other files.

"Thanks," Regina drew out in a sarcastic tone as she squinted at Emma with a small smirk pulling at her lips.

"You're most certainly welcome, Madam Mayor." Emma retorted with a cheeky grin as she tipped an imaginary hat in Regina's direction.

Regina laughed before excusing Emma, knowing Emma was clearly too tired to have more of a conversation. Emma just nodded and made her way out of Regina's big white office.

It wasn't until Emma was home, after her visit to Regina and a lunch break at Granny's that she realised her journal was no longer on the passenger seat of her bug. Emma let out a loud scream and hit the steering wheel with her left hand, hard- it hurt. Emma sighed as she turned the key of the bug, which brought it to life.

Emma made her way back to the diner and with no luck she headed to Regina's office, hoping- praying that she hadn't picked up the journal with the files for Regina. Regina couldn't read it! It just wasn't an option so Emma pushed down on the gas.

Emma rushed back into Regina's office only to find it empty and locked. Emma checked for the time on her phone. 6:01pm. she had clearly gotten up a lot later than she remembered. She stomped her foot down knowing Regina and the files were gone.

Emma didn't bother to make her way over to 108 Mifflin Street, it was late enough and Emma was tired. Though, once Emma home did send a text to Regina.

And feeling confident that Regina would reply by the morning, she headed off to her room to watch some much needed 'How To Get Away With Murder' and got ready for bed.

Morning come with a large amount of sun streaming into Emma's room. Damnit Snow! Emma thought as she had noticed the opened curtains, courtesy of Snow. Emma groaned as she pulled herself into an upright position. She had to be back at the station within an hour she noted as she checked the time on her phone. She also noted that Regina hadn't replied- Emma put it down to the fact that Regina didn't have to journal, which was sort of a relief but it just meant Emma would have to have a better look for it.

Across town Regina was already entering her office, only early by 30 minutes. That day she had offered to take Henry to school in hopes to spend little more time with him as he hadn't been getting a lot of attention from his Mothers in a few weeks.

Regina walked through the doors with her head held high despite the weight of the papers she was carrying. Regina walked straight to the large conference table to the left of her desk and placed all her files on it nearly. She would deal with them later, but for now she needed to get back to some of her mayoralty duties.

Regina spent her morning in meetings with the town's people as well as one interview by the Mirror's new reporter. By lunchtime she had worn herself thin, so unlike most days she decided to actually take her hour lunch break. She sat on the couch to the right of her desk as she ate a homemade meal, leftovers from the night before. Regina was even tempted to take a nap after finishing her food, this was truly the most tired she had been in decades; she was hoping this case would be over soon, and with that thought, she decided she would work on Belle's files some more.

Regina had been texting back and forth with Emma as she read the files, she had given Emma a few names and address that she thought may lead to clue in the case- Emma simply followed orders, at this point she was too tired to argue and try and figure it out all by herself.

The rest of Regina's afternoon was spent divided between the piles of Council work she had to attend to and the files that Emma had shared with her. Soon five hours after lunch turned into six, it was then that Regina had text Snow in hopes she and Charming could take care of Henry that night and at least Emma would be able to see him. The sixth hour pulled out to the eighth and then to ninth, when the tenth hour rolled around Regina decided that that was enough, she couldn’t take anymore. She abruptly stood from her fancy office chair and collected her personal items.

On her way out she went to turn off her office light, but before doing so she turn back to check her office was in order, and to her shock it wasn't- there was a book or folder under the front of her table. On closer inspection it looked like her dairy so she scooped it up and without a second thought marched out of her office.

Regina got home to her large manor and noted the lights weren't on, which meant that even though Snow didn't text back she had still picked Henry up. Regina unlocked the front door and made her way straight to her bedroom. She placed all her belongings in their rightful place and quickly changed into her silk pyjamas.

After sliding herself into bed Regina took a moment to look at her phone, perhaps Henry had messaged- or maybe even Emma. And to Regina's delight, there actually was a message from Emma.

Hey, we are having a surprise birthday for Ruby this Saturday. Pencil it in for 7 o'clock

Regina sighed, hoping for something else, but she wasn't too sure what she wanted that something else to be. She just knew that this growing relationship with Emma had her excited and eager to be around the blonde. 

Regina lifted herself from her wide king-sized bed and stalked over to her dairy; upon opening it she quickly realised it clearly wasn't her dairy. It was beautiful cursive writing that cover every page from top to bottom.

Regina, despite her mind telling her it was a bad idea, flicked back to the first page and began reading.

I'm late
in a couple of days
I say again and again
too afraid to tell a friend

This is it
this is the end

I'm late
fearful days turn into night
this isn't my fate
I shouldn't be late

Two minutes to wait
I won't be late
I can't be late

I thought I was losing weight

They should've had better education
told us to have more caution
they treat it with damnation
then tell us to hush up

They should have given us a way of contraception
but instead they taught us with deception
which gave us all misconceptions

I'm late
I refuse
this isn't my fate

I'll cut it out
that part of me
the one that makes me late

This isn't my fate

I'll make it so they never know

This isn't my fate
please please please
I'll never be late
never again

It's too late.

The entry was dated to 4 months ago

Regina slapped the book shut. Regina couldn't believe she just read someone's clearly private journal. Though, she still took a moment to take in the words. Regina couldn't even begin to understand how this person felt, but she did have a good idea about that the poem was discussing. She held the book tightly in her hands and turn it over to search the back for a name or something that would identify the author- Regina wanted, needed, to give it back.

Days went on, as did the case. Regina grew more and more swamped with council work and more and more residents became afraid of the murderer that still hadn't been caught. Regina supposed that at least they hadn't killed a fourth person, which was good because the 5th week of the case was coming to an end.

As the time went on Emma became more and more irritable and restless, Regina and David put it down to stress about the case; but in actual fact, it was because Emma still hadn't found her journal. She had brought a new one- which she needed anyway because the other one was just about full- but it still scared her that someone could be reading it, someone could know her darkest secrets and fears. That was the thing that stressed Emma to no end.

And little did she know it was sitting on Regina's nightstand. For a while Regina had try to resist reading the dairy but she was obsessed with the writing, she found it beautiful in a haunting type of way. So ever night for about a week now she had read one entry before heading to sleep. Regina still didn't know who the journal belonged to, but she was hoping to find clues; for multiple reasons.

Regina had found herself reading the journal against for the 7th night in a row, and this night brought her to tears.

I feel sick
I feel weak

I can barely breathe when I'm with you
but when you're gone I miss you so much

A hot flash fever
I'm thinking of you
I'm thinking the craziest things
I love you so much
I love you too much

I wonder, what if
I cant- I scream on the inside
men, why are they my issue
I'm jealous

I can barely breathe
I feel sick
I never want you to leave

I love you too much
it drives me insane
I don't know how to cope
I don't know what to do

I'm waiting for your call

I don't know how to act

I feel sick to the core
to have these thoughts
I don't know how to tell you
but sometimes I just want you all to myself

I feel sick
a hot flash fever
I feel weak

I can't love you, not while he is around.

The reason Regina spared more than a few tears for this poem was because she knew the feeling of heartache and jealously all too well. Regina's heart had been aching ever since her and Robin parted, they just weren't a match- being together for them was a task. Although Regina had initiated the breakup she still hurt, deep down in a place she would rather not acknowledge, the pain wasn't for Robin but more for love, she had a desire to be held at night like Daniel had done once, many years ago. Regina's heart ached and yearned for love and physical touch. Jealous of anyone that flaunted it in front of her. 

As Regina lay in her empty bed she pondered the poem and what it was truly about, and who it was about.

With days turning into more weeks Regina grew more and more attached to the journal and the author, she became attached to their stories and, well, to them. It was almost as though she had started to develop feelings for the author. But, even she knew that was insane. Fairytales and true love be damned. Falling for a poet she didn't even know was possible. Wasnt something she would allow herself to do.

With Regina's growing happiness came Emma's growing misery. The two became less friendly with each other and began working on the case almost separately only sending an email every few days to fill each other in on the work they had done or the leads they needed to follow.

This poem was from 3 months ago

I've known her so long
it doesn't make sense
he doesn't believe me
he says it's an excuse

I have to leave him
that's obvious now
but what do I do

About her I mean

He's out of my life
out of town

My words like a stabbing knife
he finally gets it
he's leaving
but not before one hit

The bruise hurts more than his absence

With each word that Regina read she grew more and more curious, this person, the author had so much hurt, Regina couldn't help but empathise. She needed to know more but she had promised herself that she would make the journal last, one poem a night. Because despite knowing how wrong it was to keep reading this journal she was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. It was intoxicating, the words, the pain, all of it. Regina couldn't help herself, it was as if the words of the journal were magically drawing her in.

Regina walked into Emma's office on the day that marked the 8th week of the murder investigation. There had been no more murders which everyone was glad about, and with that collective sigh of relief from the town, people started to gossip about the murders and the murderer, the townsfolk had nicknamed them "the tragic magic show" which in a way made people feel safer about it, in a very weird way.

Emma was about 3 inches from her desktop upon Regina's arrival, she didn't move her head even after hearing her name. Regina called Emma's name three more times before losing her cool, which was very unlike Regina but in this situation it fit- almost- Emma hadn't said a word to Regina in person for over two weeks. In fact, Emma hadn't spoken to most people in over two weeks and when she did it was some sort of outburst of anger.

"Emma Swan! Look at me!" Regina demanded as her hands slapped down on Emma's desk startling her, just a little.

"Whoa!" Emma yelled back as her brow turned into a frown. "No need for that." Emma deadpanned as she rose from her old tattered chair.

"Well, at least I have your attention now," Regina said coolly as she straightened her clothes and put herself back together. Emma just rolled her eyes and waited for Regina to continue "I have a lead, a good one." Emma's brow now rose, asking Regina questions that she didn't need to say out loud. "The hermit man who lives on the outside of town, Peter Patter, we looked into a few weeks ago," Emma nodded letting Regina know it was okay to continue "Well I have a reliable eye witness that saw him in town on the night of the first murder, which contradicts his alibi. We know he has a small amount of magic. I think you should check him out."

And with that Regina turned to leave, it wasn't until she was at the door that Emma called after her. "Regina! Wait!" Regina turned to Emma hoping that she wasn't about to be yelled at for some wild reason or another. "I'm sorry, about everything, this case has been so hard on me and well some other things, but it's no excuse for the way I have been treating people, especially you since all you've done is try to help."

Regina didn't have time for a heart to heart, as much as she would actually like to, she had a meeting to be at. "It's okay Em- we're okay. Now go follow that lead." and with that Regina stalked out of the station leaving the echoes of her clicking heals in her wake.

Two and a half months ago. Regina guessed this poem was about the search for freedom that only came when the author slept, but honestly she had no idea if she was right. She all of her interruptions of every poem she read. How was she to know what the author was feeling or writing about. Who was she to do anything but simply enjoy the magical words she was reading. 

I'll howl at the moon
listen to my cries
that soulful tone

Let the rain
drip on my skin
listen to it tap
on the tin, tin, tin

Caged inside I listen
I watch it all unfold
lightning strikes
a jump full of fright
the clouds are east bound
over the sea
away from this town

This storms been brewing
a long time coming

Stop what you're doing
focus on the night

If Regina didn't know any better this one poem could suggest the author was Ruby, but Regina did know better. Regina still craved to know more, she couldn't hold on anymore so she read another.

The miles I travel
seem like light-years

I can barely see
through all my tears

Darling, you're my knight in shining armour
you chase away my fears

Oh darling
I really need you tonight

City to city
too many lights
so many towns
too many nights
so many nights that meet the blinding sun
I wish I could call you home
but darling you're on your own throne

You don't need me
but I need you
don't you see?
I'll admit defeat, tell the truth
you re the knight I never wanted
but god you're the knight I've always need

But I'm the wanderer
I'm just passing through

If I could stay
I'd stay for you

Upon finishing this poem- written less than two months ago- Regina could feel a lump in her throat and tears running down her cheeks, after weeks of reading this journal she realised how much of a fool she had been, to think in any way she would be able to love this author, let alone figure out who they were. Regina throw the journal to the ground and screamed into her pillow how could she think she had a chance! She was an idiot. It was so easy for Regina to project onto the author was she wanted. But, in reality, she wasn't wanted. The author cleared loved another. Regina was so quick to form this fantasy in her head. So quick to believe this delusion of fate and destiny. That night Regina went to sleep crying, but this time it wasn't of joy.

Regina didn't read another entry for a few days, she had to breathe because it was hard to breathe. She just couldn't believe she had been so foolish! She figured her mother was right after all, love is weakness. Though this isn't love, she told herself. It was a joke she had played on herself. 

Eventually, Regina had picked the journal up from her bedroom floor, it had been left in the same place it landed a few days ago. There was little left of the journal, Regina justified it as investigative work. It was possible that the last few poems may have a clue to who the author may be, but Regina knew deep down she was no longer reading it in hopes of returning the dairy. Regina was reading it because she was emotionally attached, and wasn't yet ready to let go. 

I think of her at night
my lungs burn
my mouth dry
I begin to yearn

A hand to my nipple
I pretend it's her
the other pulls at my waistband

I'm wet just thinking her name
so wet I can feel it on my thighs
I'm her's to claim
she gets me high

I touch myself
so wet
fingers deep inside

I burn for her
so many times, her name cried.

Regina had her hand between her thighs before the end of the poem. She touched herself to the thought of this mysterious women on top of her; Regina had been with women before but never had she needed to be with a woman- and this, lord, this was a need. Regina knew that this fantasy would only break her heart but she wouldn't help the way she felt. It was this animalistic hunger and a magical pull that she just couldn't deny herself. And so, when she came that night, fingers knuckle deep and dripping wet she could only feel ecstasy. The pain of heartbreak would have to wait.

The next morning Regina woke at 6:04 am to the sound of her phone buzzing on her nightstand. She rolled over and quickly swiped to answer as she moved the phone to her ear. Before she could say anything she heard a loud squirrel followed by "Regina!" It was Emma, and she sounded happy.

"Emma?" Regina returned.

"Come to the station, NOW!" the phone line went dead and Regina rolled onto her back with a loud groan, she didn't have to be awake for another hour, yet here she is.

Regina was quick to get ready and leave and mindfully left a note for Henry.

Regina almost ran into the station assuming something was wrong with Emma, or something was right?

Emma spotted Regina as soon as she entered the door. Emma was on her feet before she could finishing saying "that's that!" and quickly took Regina into a bear hug, which was the first time in weeks that Emma had hugged Regina… coming to think of it, Regina and Emma had only ever hugged when it was with Henry.

Emma, with a massive grin on her face, pulled back from the hug and dragged Regina down the hallway to the interrogation rooms. Emma just pointed through the one-sided mirror at the hermit man, Peter Patter, sitting cuffed to the metal table.

"Emma," Regina breathed as she turned to the blonde with a happy inquisitive look.

"Yep!" Emma exclaimed. "He finally confessed!"

That day at lunchtime after Peter Patter had been taken to lock up in a larger town about an hour's drive from Storybrooke. The town, or at least what seemed to be the whole town, celebrated in Granny's diner.

Regina noted that Emma hadn't been this happy in about two months, it was nice to have Emma back- she strongly preferred Emma to Ms. Swan.

That night Regina went to read another entry, and sadly she noted it was what appeared to be the last entry; it made Regina sad and happy at the same time. She read the top, it was dated for 9 weeks ago, which was 2 weeks into the, now solved, murder investigation.

With hell breaking lose I do my best
I sit, ready to protect
in my bulletproof vest

I wait at night
I watch the lights go out
I sit tight and wait for the light

When the sun comes
she leaves
her roll away benz
as black as the night before

She hasn't noticed for two weeks now
I do my best each day to protect
it's not that I expect more
but still I do my best to stay Emma
I do my best each day to connect
I no longer want to be Ms Swan

Regina let out a shaky breath upon reading the name within the poem. Emma. Regina was reading Emma's journal. Regina's mind was racing with realisations- she had touched herself to the thought of Emma, and not only enjoyed it but craved more. Regina let out a loud gasp as she read it twice over. Her roll away benz, as black as the night before. Regina was shaking and sweating in places she didn't know existed. It was her, Emma had been writing about her. Regina could barely believe it, a dream come true? Or was this really how true love worked? Regina was sure, that she would never fully understand how this happened, how she got so lucky. 

Regina flung herself out of bed and quickly pulled on her clothes from the day just past.

She drove to the station assuming Emma would be doing the final paperwork for the "tragic magic show." As Regina screeched into parking lot she saw a light on which made her beam with joy.

Regina ran into the police station with the journal in hand to find Emma.

"Regina?" Emma asked looking up from her papers.

"Emma!" Regina said she rushed over to Emma and kissed her without a second thought.

"Regina!" Emma gasped now standing to meet Regina's eyes.

Regina noted the lack of anger or happiness in Emma's expression so she merely held up the book for explanation, which in hindsight was a bad idea.

"My journal!" Emma yelled as she snatched it from the brunette. "You've had my journal?! I sent you a message about it and what?! You just kept it!?" Emma was fuming.

"What?" Regina asked more calmly "What message?" She added as Emma seemed to ignore the first question.

"I sent you a message saying that I thought I left my journal in your office and if you found it not to read it, just hand it straight back to me." Emma was pacing but she paused for a moment. "That was 9 weeks ago!"

Regina was truly baffled, she hadn't received such a message, and she would have remember that. "I received no such message," Regina said, a little angry now that she was being accused for something she clearly didn't do. Though, Regina sighed on the inside, whether she had gotten the message or not, reading that journal wasn't her best choice.

Emma just shook her head as she pulled her phone from her back pocket to search for the message. But as Regina had said, it wasn't in her sent messages to Regina, or to anyone. But in the bottom right-hand corner, the draft box had a little "1" hovering over it. "Fuck" Emma let out quietly, almost too quiet for Regina to hear, almost. And sure enough, there was the message Emma had intended to send to Regina sitting in her draft box, how could Emma have missed that?!

Emma knew she had to admit defeat. "Fine, I didn't sent you that message but STILL! That is clearly someone's personal journal why would you keep reading it!" Emma started pacing.

Regina sighed, she knew she was in the wrong for reading it and, well, there wasn't really a proper reason either. "I'm sorry. I- It's just- well- I started reading the first page because I thought it would tell me whose it was." Regina tried moving closer to Emma but Emma just responded by moving further away. "I told myself I wouldn't read anymore and didn't for days, then I just couldn't resist. The writing- your writing- was so beautiful, it drew me in. I read a little bit more each night. I tried to guess who it was, I wanted to give it back." Emma shot Regina a glare "And yes, I wanted to finish it, it was so beautiful." Regina added,

Emma's glare softened for a moment and Regina continued "I started to, ugh, I know it's foolish but I started to have feelings, feelings for the author, you, I kept reading because I wanted to know more about you- the author's life"

It was now as if Emma had realised something, her nostrils flared. She stalked straight over to Regina and pushed the journal into Regina's chest without letting go of it. "You read my fucking journal!" Emma kept repeating herself but with each time she said it the words became less angry and more scared, as though Emma was becoming afraid of Regina. "I can't believe it," Emma said softly as she rested herself against one of the office desks.

And that was when it completely hit Regina, she had read Emma's journal. "Oh god" Regina let out breathlessly as she pinched her nose between her thumb and forefinger. Regina hit herself on the inside, she knew why Emma was so angry. She had read Emma's journal from cover to cover, everything, Regina knew everything.

"Emma, I am so sorry." Regina said this because yes she had read the journal but it was also addressing everything in the journal, from hook to the breakup and the, oh god, Emma had had an abortion, she must have felt so alone. Regina felt her heart sink. She was an idiot for coming here like this, an idiot for thinking Emma would so easily kiss her back when the only thing Regina had done was given Emma a reason to distrust her.

Emma knew what the sorry was for but she was so mad at Regina- the woman she had fallen in love with and apparently the one that had fallen in love with her. Emma started to cry, she didn't know how to cope with this. Regina knew everything.

"Regina" Emma whispered between sobs.

"Emma" Regina's voice was soft and smooth, calming. Regina rested herself on the desk next to Emma. Emma fell easily into Regina's arms. The women stayed like that for what could only be described as hours. Both women had shed a fair amount of tears, but conversation lacked until the sun started to rise.

Regina opened the conversation with something small. "I'm sorry that happened to you" Regina wasn't really discussing anything in particular, Emma could take it as she will. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't come to me, or anyone. I'm truly sorry."

Emma just nodded for a while, not really knowing what to say; this was the first time she had talked about anything in that journal, even about Hook- Emma had claimed he left because of his wanderlust, which was something no one really doubted, so they didn't question it. And well everything else; that was just not an option for conversation topics.

"Emma," Regina started softly. Emma lifted her head and looked into Regina's eyes. "If you let me, I will stand by you. I will hold you at night and I will love you and care for you. I will give you what you need, no matter what that may be."

Emma kissed Regina, at first it was a soft and loving kiss but it quickly became a heated and passionate kiss. Both Emma and Regina were unwilling to pull away from the kiss in fear that this was all a dream.

"Regina," Emma moaned as she gently pulled away from the kiss. "I want that, more than you know. I want you- I want to be with you; but I need time, I can't just rush into this." Emma took in a shaky breath before continuing. "I've been crying on you for what I think is about 6 hours now. I'm not okay." Emma let a few more tears fall. These were tears that Regina whipped away with her thumb. "I need to, gosh, Regina, I need help. I- we won't work with me like this. Please, give me time and then I can give myself to you. I could give you what you need." Emma court Regina's brown eyes and spoke again. "In time."

Regina was breathless. She had found the author, Emma, the mother of her son. Regina knew her feelings weren't going to go away, she wanted to stay. "I don't expect to rush anything," She said gently as she cupped Emma's face with both hands now instead of one. "I want you, and I want you to know you have me. I want to be here for you, I want to be here with you. Em, I choose you. Take time, take space, take whatever you need."

Emma's only way of expressing her emotions and gratitude was kissing Regina once more. The kiss was more loving this time and rather than completely pulling away from the kiss the two women rested their foreheads together and shared a smile.

"I love you, Regina Mills." Emma whispered.

And she was happy to hear Regina's "and I you, Emma."