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Letting Go

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The cold air whips against my face causing me to grasp my scarf and tug it tighter so it was fully wrapped around my neck and covered the lower half of my face. I had made my way towards my car, slightly quickening my pace as I walk past the coffee shop we last had our date in. Reaching the car, I closed the door and turned the ignition on so that I was able to maintain the warmth I had gained once inside.

As buildings went past, I begin to wonder 'Where exactly did it start to go wrong? How were we able to keep the façade that was our stable relationship?' Even when I had met you, there was a small part that didn't feel the same way as the rest of me did.

Well, I think I felt the same way as you.  

I don't know. 

I don't want to remember.

Either way, a seedling of doubt had planted itself into my mind. It steadily grew until I couldn't ignore it any more. It didn't help that you, someone who was supposed to be loyal to me, truthful to me, had started and then continued to lie to me – making memorised excuses for your bold stories that were clearly unbelievable. 

Did it ever occur to you that I'm also a lawyer? 

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Turning off the ignition, I still sit there staring off into the distance. Too caught up in my thoughts to do anything.

I guess that it's better that you're gone so it's easier to erase the memories of us, to forget the stupid me who believed you and to know that you don't have to hold on to me any more. 

I remember when we broke up. 

I kept looking at you trying to comprehend when you started changing so much that I barely recognised you as you avoided my gaze, choosing to keep silent and your focus on the ground when I asked you what kept you. Rather than any words, your actions spoke louder to me and confirmed what I came to believe. 

When I brought up that we should break up if you don't feel the same as before but you were adamant that we shouldn't, that I was wrong and you were right, that I didn't know what was going on, that I didn't understand. But what use was it when I was already planning on letting you go.  

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I eventually opened the car door and walked into the building and began journeying up the stairs. I grabbed the key under the plant and opened the door to the apartment. After taking off my coat, I laid down on the sofa. 

Now thinking of us as all the memories hit me like a train. Instead of happiness, they turned into despair as I regret all the tears that fell when I tried everything I could do to make it work but you were never satisfied. The show had gone on for so long that I was bound to eventually become sick of it as I felt all my time and effort gone to waste.   

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I knew by then that it was time to let go; of my regrets, my fears and anxiety. 

All I have left is my faith in me, that I'm able to move on as I decide to forget you. 

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I heard the door opening but I didn't make a movement since I was comfortable of my current position. A few rustling sounds later, a tub of Double Chocolate Fudge ice cream appeared in front of me. I look up to see a certain personified sun of a blonde standing there with her blinding smile, "Ice cream?" 

I only smiled as a response. 

'Maybe I'm able to move on sooner than I thought.'  

"What're you doing?" she asked as she moved my leg to sit down before laying it on her lap.

"Letting go." I answered.