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I think my band mates need help.

I think that all the time too.

Yeah, well, you didn't just witness Aoi and Reita fighting each other with chopsticks during lunch.
Apparently, Uruha nominated himself as the "prize" for the victor - why, I have no idea.
But Aoi and Reita were determined not to lose after that so I guess it worked?
Well... At least until Kai came in and put an end to it.

How very...
Mature of them.

Now they're raiding the vending machines with what little money they have left.
Doesn't look like it's going well.
I think Reita got the last Reese's cup. Aoi's devastated.

Look, I don't need to hear exactly what is it they do daily to know they're as dumb as I thought.

You only think that because you refuse to spend any time with them.
Aside from Kai. But I already know how that was an unfortunate accident on your part.
And they're not dumb. Just bored.

Not dumb? Ha.
Special then.

Are you calling my friends retarded?

...

Okay, so maybe they are a little retarded. But that doesn't give you the right to call them out on it.

But you can?

Best friend status dictates that I am allowed, yes.

...

But that's not what I wanted to talk about today.
I had actually text you to find out what your plans for the day were?

Avoiding everyone.

Y'know, you really should stop doing that.
One of these days Kaoru-san is going to handcuff you to the bed - or him - just to make sure you haven't done something dumb.
Like skipped town or died without his permission.

That would take far too much effort on my part.
Besides, I leave the incredible stupid antics up to Die and Toshiya.
The moronic duo are much better at pissing Kaoru off in that regard that I'll ever manage.

Oh, how silly of me to forget.
So am I included on that list of people you're avoiding?

...

Too bad. I'm already on my way over.

Fuck.

Fine, but no marathons today. I need to be able to walk for tomorrow's live without a limp or lingering soreness.

Oh, I'm sure humping mic stands and railings doesn't help much either.

Fuck you.

Maybe later if you behave well enough.

As if I would let you play bottom.

Worried I'll take your place as reining bitch?

Watch it, Kyo. I may just slip and tell Kaoru-san about your latest "hospital" visit.

Save it. He already knows I lied about the appointment.
Apparently I was spotted leaving your apartment so...

Wait!
Is he spying on us now?! Because that is really fucking creepy Kyo.

Spying on you, probably not. Possibly put a tracking device on me? More than likely.
As as you said earlier, Kaoru doesn't like not knowing where I am. Especially if I miss out on work for it.
Meaning this is all your fault.

My fault?!
How is it my fault?

You're the one who suggested skipping work to come over.
Now Kaoru doesn't trust me anymore.

I said nothing about you lying to Kaoru-san and sneaking over here. That was all you!
I just suggested if you weren't busy, I could use some extra hands to help me get undressed.
Now Kaoru's sending spies after us? This is totally your fault.

...

By the way, I just arrived on your floor so you better hurry and unlock the door you creep.

What if I said no?
Or better yet, refused to unlock the door.

Guess I'll have to kick it in then.

And who are you calling a creep?
It's not like I'm the one spying on us.

You see nothing wrong with Kaoru-san spying.
That makes you just as much of a creep.
Even worse, you probably enjoy it.

-*-*-*-*-

"True," Kyo said as he unlocked the door for Ruki when he started banging on the wood after he couldn't successfully turn the knob. "Thought you said you were going to kick it down if I didn't unlock it?"

"I decided not to risk injuring myself because you're antisocial," Ruki grinned before giving his lover a kiss and forcing his way further inside like he owned the place.

Chapter Text

I hate your dog.

What did Koron do to piss you off now? Bark?

Very funny. No, that rat you call a dog pissed on my new book. Why the hell is it even in my apartment?

Koron is a HE, and he probably did it because you haven't taken him out on a walk today, have you? Don't bother answering with your usual bullshit, I already know.

Still doesn't explain why the fuck you left him with me. You know that I barely remember to take care of myself much less a bottom feeder.

You already agreed to it at the beginning of the week so be a man and stop whining. Besides it's not like I can come charging in to rescue him from your evil clutches.

Is this what you asked me about while you were giving me a blowjob earlier this week? If it was, then I should tell you now that if you ever try that again, I'll strangle you after killing this dog.

No, I asked you if you remembered to buy more lube - which you didn't do. Besides if I wanted to use sex to manipulate you I would have had you agree to something far more expensive than pet sitting my dog for two weeks.

Point. So when the hell did I agree to this and why?

You didn't agree.

...

It's true.

What?

I knew you weren't going to agree to watch him willingly so I faked the note saying that you agreed. With your bad memory I knew you would think you had forgotten about agreeing and go along with it - when in actuality you never agreed.

Oh, you're a sneaky bastard.

Yeah, it's another thing to add to the list of reasons on why you love me. Hopefully, Koron will remain unharmed until I get back home so you can punish me for tricking you.

Fine, I'll watch your stupid midget dog, but I get you for a pet every day I watch him.

Oh, I have no problem with that. I even bought a few things for such an occasion.

Now I'm very anxious for you to get back.

I'm sure you are.

So, are you going to tell me what sort of things you got?

Maybe I'll send you a little preview? But then, again you did threaten to strangle both me and my dog, so I guess I'll have to deny you any chance of phone sex.

Just because we can't have sex for another four days doesn't mean I'm desperate enough to listen to you falling asleep on me while I jack off.

This coming from the man who sleeps 18 out of the 24 hours in a day? Do you have any idea how many times I've been in the mood for sex and you'll be so dead to the world that an earthquake could happen and you wouldn't even stir?

I'm not that bad.

Kyo. I could probably ride you a few times to climax before you were even coherent enough to realize we had even been having sex. There's enough times I've tried to start things in the morning or late at night that you never responded to. Enough to tell me it's entirely possible.

You would rape me in my sleep?

You can't rape the willing Kyo. Even if you are unconscious.

Yeah, that'll be the last time I soundly sleep through the night. Thanks for that. I'm now afraid of just what I might wake up to.

You may find yourself either half way to a really great orgasm or having to deal with a sexually frustrated lover for the rest of the day.

I could comment on that, but I won't. I need to find this dog of yours some food before it eats my shoe and you need sleep.

What the hell are you doing feeding Koron at midnight!? If he eats anything after eight he gets sick!

I forgot to eat earlier and I may have forgotten to feed him. Figured now is as good a time as any for a midnight snack.

Kyo! Argh! Fine, you can feed him now. But only half a cup and nothing else! Don't go giving him scraps of whatever concoction you're going to make either! I'd rather not have to rush him to the vet the moment I get home.

I'm not going to poison him or anything.

You better not! Anyway, I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight Kyo. And say goodnight to Koron for me too. Remember, half a cup and no more!

Fine, whatever. Night.

-*-*-*-*-

After closing his phone Kyo placed the device on the charger to rest overnight. Hearing a small bark followed by a whimper, the singer looked down at his feet at the brown and black dog that pleaded with its eyes for the food both their stomachs were craving.

"I bet your Daddy would probably have a heart attack if he knew what I had been feeding you the last few days because I accidentally threw away your dog food." He laughed, making his way to the kitchen with said dog following close behind him.

Chapter Text

I'm fat.

No, you're not.

How could you know? We haven't exactly seen each other in over a month.

Because it's only been a month. If you gained enough weight in the last four weeks to be considered fat then there really is something wrong with Kai's cooking.

You're starting to sound like Reita.

I shudder in disgust.

Yeah, yeah, Mr. Funny Man. Anyway, despite what you say, I think I'm fat. I can actually grab my fat roll, it's so gross.

Are you sure you're grabbing fat and not skin?

I can tell the difference between skin and fat, you asshole. I'm not stupid.

If you're fat, I must be obese. And if that's true then the rest of the world is just fucked.

I'm not talking about the rest of the world.

No, you're just scared at what the rest of the world thinks of you.

I am not!

You're arguing with me about whether or not you're fat... You care.

Not about what they think!

Oh, so just me then?

You're being crazy.

And you're being delusional.

It's a legitimate concern!

Do you even weigh 45kgs?

I'm not answering that! Besides, we already established your opinion doesn't count since you can't see me.

You were just on TV two days ago, I saw you then. And you were not fat. Stop acting like a moron.

I'm going to kick your ass the moment I see you.

Even if you could land one of those girly slaps of yours, it still doesn't change the fact that you're acting stupid.

I just want you to know that I blame all my psychological problems on you. 'Overexposure to Kyo'. It's a real medical condition. I'm sure I could even get government assistance for such a handicap, it's that severe.

I hate to break it to you, but you were like this before we started seeing each other. But please, continue to dream big.

You‘re sarcasm just leaves me in a fit of giggles.

Thanks, I'm glad you recognize and appreciate my talent.

Smart ass. Anyway, I think that we should move in together.

Nice segue. Very natural flow in the conversation. I didn't see it coming in the least.

Yeah, it was almost as good as your attempt to sing in English.

Ouch.

Back to what I was talking about; we've been dating for over a year now. I think us moving in together is a great idea.

Only because it's your idea. How did we go from discussing your weight to this?

Well, since you couldn't simply tell me I'm perfect the way I am, I decided my next move should be to encroach further into your territory to make it impossible for you not to fall madly in love with me.

That... Sounds terrifying actually.

I knew you'd love the idea!

...

Plus you and Koron can finally learn to get along. It'd be nice if the two of you could be in the same room without any growling or a fight breaking out.

It's not like it's my fault your dog is satanic.

Really?

...

Liar.

I didn't even say anything.

No, but you were thinking it.

So you can read my mind now, huh? Okay, what am I thinking now?

How gorgeous I am?

Nope.

How much you miss me?

Wrong again. Wow, you really suck at this.

I suck really well at something else too.

Oh, now you're getting warmer.

Too bad for you then.

...

I don't sext assholes who refuse to tell me I'm beautiful when I want to hear it.

...

Well, I don't.

Beloved Sex God of my Wildest Fantasies! Would you please indulge me in my desire to sexually harass you through your phone?

Okay, stop. That's just too creepy.

It made you laugh, admit it.

Only if tell me what I want to hear.

You have a huge cock.

LOL

Please? I'm deprived here.

Pfft. Deprived my ass. Why don't you steal Kaoru-san's laptop again and watch porn or something?

That's the problem. Kaoru's laptop wouldn't contain what I'm the most deprived of; your ass. 

It's still a no.

Besides, I don't watch porn. Not unless there are videos of you somewhere on the Internet that I can watch.

Like hell! I would never video record myself having sex much less post such a video on the Internet!

...

I wouldn't! Besides, even if I wanted to no one could ever watch it. You'd kill anyone who saw me.

True.

Though...

What?

No. Nothing. Never mind.

Something to share with the class babe?

I may have... Possibly... Recorded us once?

May have?

I did.

Wait. You actually have a video of us having sex?

I didn't mean to! It was an accident!!

How do you accidentally record yourself having sex with someone?

Remember a few weeks ago when I was convinced someone was sneaking into my apartment and moving shit around?

Do I remember you acting paranoid? Only too well.

Fuck you. Anyway, it ended up being Uruha and Reita pulling a prank on me. But the way I found out was by hiding away a camera on the bookshelf in the media room since that's where most of the stuff was moved around. Well, I didn't know when it would happen so I left it there all day. Just to be sure.

So?

That's the same day we had our movie date. We ended up having sex on the couch that night, remember?

Oh, yes. So what did you do with the film?

I hid it.

Where?

I'm not telling you!

Why not?

One, because it's embarrassing and two, because no one in their right mind would give you that kind of blackmail material.

I think you're being selfish.

Too bad.

My most gracious, stunning Ruki. My gorgeous songbird!

LOL

No.

What if I told you we could move in together as soon as you get back?

You just want a chance to go through my stuff to find the SD card.

It's on an SD card?

NO!

...

And if I find out you used my spare key to search my apartment while I'm gone I'm never having sex with you again!

I'm dating a con artist.

Oh! That can be the title of your next book!

I fail to see the humor in this.

Not surprising with your eyesight.

Fine. I guess we can talk about moving in together once you get back.

Really?

I'm never going to get that card otherwise.

I take it back. I don't want to move in with you.

But my sweet, skinny, sexy Ruki... I wuv you! Pwease!!

You're not funny.

 

~*~*~*~Ten minutes later... ~*~*~*~

 

Do you really have a video of us having sex?

Uh huh.

The card's taped to the inside of empty video case disguised as Gackt’s Diabolos Tour DVD. It's on the movie stand in the media room.

I love you.

Love you too, but if you tell anyone about this I will kill you in your sleep.

Duly noted.

Chapter Text

I'd just like to know that I'm billing you for ¥20,000.

What! What for?!

My cell phone bill.

I'm not paying your bills you cheap bastard!

I didn't say bills, just this one. It's mostly your fault anyway.

It's not like I'm the only person you talk to.

I don't talk to anyone.

Kaoru-san, Shinya-san, Inoue-san, Nora-san... The list goes on.

Not like I'll need a phone soon anyway.

Planning to drop it off the top of the Tokyo Tower again?

I've never done that.

Uh huh.

No, Kaoru's decided to finally put that tracking device on me. It'll even monitor my heart rate so I can't die without his knowledge. I think I'm actually excited.

Well, good for you. I'm still not paying your bill.

You better.

Yeah, when pigs learn to fly.

I'll deny you sex.

I'll buy a vibrator.

...

But don't worry, I'll make sure to moan your name out so you won't be missed.

You're cruel.

And I bet your dirty mind is just going insane with the mental image of me masturbating.

Actually, I was thinking of taking up Mao's offer to go over to his place for a few days of fun. Get away from your crazy ass.

If I find out you were anywhere near that little copy cat's apartment I'll string you up by your balls until they turn blue and fall off.

That would definitely give a new meaning to the term blue balls.

And you'll have firsthand experience. Lucky you. Hell, maybe they'll even rename it after you.

Not that it'd ever happen. You're too attached to my equipment to do that.

It's a minor setback. Maybe I'll padlock a cock ring on you while you're asleep? Then you wouldn't be able to have sex with anyone but me.

That's it. I'm never falling asleep around you ever again.

Good luck with that old man.

I'm not old.

You got tired after walking around the mall for only TWO HOURS!

I was also carrying around all of YOUR shit. I was justifiably tired.

I was carrying around bags just as long as you and I wasn't tired.

You had two bags that barely weighed anything. Of course you wouldn't have gotten tired.

Admit it. You're old and struggling to keep up with your smarter, younger and sexier boyfriend.

Young? Ha! Smart and sexy? Ah ha! That was a good one. I had to wipe away a tear of mirth.

Say what you want. I know the truth.

This is all your fault too.

What is?

I'm out of cigarettes. I'll be billing you for that too.

After what your voice has been through, you should really stop smoking anyway.

Eh. I'll live.

Besides, I'd ever be desperate enough to smoke one of your nasty ass cigarettes.

I'll just settle for the money for the bill.

If you send that bill to me, I'll beat you with whatever manga you have lying around.

I'll defend myself with your overgrown rat.

Quit calling Koron a rat!

Then he should stop looking like one. He's got one of those faces that only a mother could love... Or a man who thinks he's his mother.

You're just jealous because there's someone cuter than you.

I hate you.

I love you too. Hey, did you actually remember to feed him correctly this time? At the RIGHT time? I even labeled it so you couldn't pull that 'I didn't know' card on me again.

Was I supposed to feed him?

KYO!

Relax. He's alive. And yes, I remembered to feed him the food you wanted at the time you said. It's not like I could forget. You fucking covered the whole apartment with sticky notes.

Just wanted to make sure you knew what to do.

Gee, thanks for the thoughtful notion. I was picking sticky notes out of my cereal this morning, did you know that?

Someday you'll look back on this and laugh. If your memory lasts that long that is.

Yeah, I'm turning off my phone now. I have work to do. Also, don't send me twenty billion messages when I don't respond immediately this time.

I probably would have bought that excuse if I hadn't run into Toshiya-san at the studio this morning.

...

Yeah, he was asking me where we were planning to go over the weekend.

...

Y'know, I was unaware that we had such big plans. Apparently, we're going out of town for the whole weekend for a... What was it Toshiya-san called it? Oh, yeah. Our 'sexcation'. Funny. This was all news to me.

Damn. I knew I shouldn't have introduced you to them.

Oh, so you're not planning to spend the whole weekend with me out of town? No plans to wine, dine and fuck my brains out?

Yes?

Now who's the one being cruel? 

Please? I really need to get some work done this weekend. I'll take you on a sex vacation next weekend.

Yeah. Try the other leg, Kyo. I might even believe you this time if you make it a really, really good lie.

I'm not lying. I really do need to work.

Die-san also wanted me to ask you how far you've gotten in Resident Evil 5.

Damn those morons.

Oh, ho. So, it's true? I'm being ditched for a video game. Wow.

You ditched me for your dog the other day.

Ha! I knew you were jealous.

...

Jeez. He just had to go to the bathroom. What was I supposed to do? Let him piss all over your floor because you can't stop humping my leg for five minutes? I don't think so.

Either way, I'm missing out on important game time. Shouldn't you be getting ready for a live anyway?

Our live got delayed due to a Reita-related accident.

Did he destroy the stage?

No.

Did Blondie fall down and discover he was a man when he suddenly lost a nut he never knew he had thanks to a broken microphone stand?

Creative, but no.

Shame.

Reita wasn't paying attention to where he was walking and ended up yanking out some power cords when he tripped. Simply mistake, but...

How much is it costing the band to have the equipment replaced?

Not sure. Kai looked close to tears when it happened if that's any indication.

I'm surprised he hasn't quit yet, after all the shit he's had to endure with you four as his bandmates.

Hey, I'm not as bad as the others.

True, but it's not like you're helping to improve Kai's working conditions.

It's too much fun to watch the eventual explosion.

Such concern for your friend's mental health. You should be awarded a friendship medal with all the compassion you're just overflowing with.

Oh, shut up and go play your game already.

Gladly.

Chapter Text

I have a question for you.

No.

This is serious!

Okay, fine. What's the question?

 

~*~*~*~Twenty Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

You got to tell me so I can answer it, dumbass.

Fuck you. I was thinking about something real quick.

Okay, so now that you've completely fried your brain. The question?

Do you prefer a nurse or a police officer?

What the FUCK?

Just answer the damn question!

I'm not sure if I should. Is it like code for whether you want me to end up in jail or the hospital?

No, I'm talking about costumes.

Why the hell are you getting a costume in the middle of May?

I'm thinking about becoming a model for sex shops on the side to help pay for the damage I did to Kai's car.

...

Or maybe a stripper. That could be fun.

You're not doing either one. Now tell me why you're really looking at costumes.

Fine. I was just helping Aoi pick out a gag gift for Uruha's birthday at this sex shop and I couldn't help noticing that they had some cute outfits in the back.

What the fuck are you doing in a sex shop?

Shopping. Duh.

...

And you never answered my question: nurse or police officer? Or maybe a geisha? 

I hadn't realized we had progressed to cross-dressing already.

You did say that you liked traditional things.

I wasn't talking about you running around in a skimpy kimono when I said I liked traditional clothing.

Pfft. I'm not wearing them, you are.

Like hell I will.

Well, it was worth a shot. Hey, do you think I would look good in something like this:

nurse.JPG

It's the wrong color.

What? Nurses' outfits are supposed to be white, you blind fucker.

I can see the color just fine, smart ass.

Then why did you say it was the wrong color?

Because you shouldn't be allowed to wear that much white. Plus with your pale skin and blond hair you'd look like a washed out ghost.

Thanks. I can already feel my self-confidence just swelling with pride.

I'm just being honest here.

You're my boyfriend, you ass! You're supposed to encourage me in all my decisions no matter how crazy they are!

You should stop asking for my opinion then.

Point taken. Guess that was my oversight in thinking you'd care even a little bit.

Glad you realize your own mistakes. That's one step closer to you leaving me alone.

Ha! You couldn't last a week if I completely avoided you.

I could too.

Is that so?

Yeah. I do just fine when either of us are on tour. Hell, I'd be even better if you didn't call or text me every five minutes.

I do not call or text you every five minutes.

Denial is a terrible thing.

Well, what about you?! Sending me all those dirty jokes and pictures all the time, you dirty old man!

Blame Die. He sends them to me and I send them to you because I know whenever you read my messages your nosy bandmates can't help but try to peek. And it's always fun scaring them.

I'm sure they enjoy being scarred by you just as much, Kyo.

They needed to be knocked down a peg or two anyway.

And you feel you accomplished that with dirty jokes?

Considering the amount of blushing and stuttering they do around me now, I'd say mission accomplished.

What about me?

What about you?

You never try to shock me anymore.

It doesn't work on you. Sadly, you've grown immune to Dir en grey humor. Your friends, however, are still fair game.

Dir en grey humor? You actually call it that.

Yep.

You're so weird.

And you're dating me. This must look really bad for you.

Uh, I know. My image will never recover from the damage that you've done to it.

I try.

Speaking of... I do believe it's about time that I start avoiding you.

What? Why?

To see how long you last without me.

...

I'm betting a day. No. Less than a day.

I bet you break first.

Oh, really?

Yep.

You're on! We'll see how long you can go without calling, texting, watching or even reading anything on social media from or about me. Ha!

Easy. And I'll be able to finally get some work done in peace. Kaoru will be so proud.

Yeah and while you're working hard doing nothing, I'll be having fun modeling off my new outfits.

...

I'm sure Reita will be more than happy to tell me what outfit looks best.

Fine.

Fine!

 

~*~*~*~One Hour Later~*~*~*~

 

That little punk ass better not see you in any of those outfits or else I'm locking you in the apartment for the rest of your life.

It's just a nurse costume Kyo. Reita has seen me in much less.

I'll kill him.

I was joking! Jesus. Calm down.

...

Ugh. No, Kyo. Reita has never seen me naked. Maybe shirtless a time or two, but that's it.

Fine.

 

~*~*~*~Five Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

So you're getting the nurse costume?

No. I got the kimono.

Nice.

Pervert. Also, you lost the bet.

Shit.

Chapter Text

Hfy, sexxy!!1!

...

How com ur not talkin?

Who are you?

Whoo am Im?? Ima da luv of ur life!!

Right. Are you drunk?

Im not drumk! Thats ruki thats drunk! LOL

But you're not Ruki and the real Ruki's drunk?

Yea~~~ Ur smart!

Yeah. So who are you?

Im da sexxist persun in gazettte!1! Im da uruha. U-R-U-H-A

Okay U-R-U-H-A. Why do you have Ruki's phone?

Cuz!

Cuz? What the fuck is cuz?

Shh! Ur to lowd.

...

Ruki say i could use his fone cuz he too drunk to tell K-Y-O thatd he not gonna make itt home.

Why am I finding this hard to believe?

CUZ! Cuz... Im reallly not da luve of ur life!

Right. How about you give the phone back to Ruki, Uruha?

Why!?!11? U dont like talkin to meh. Ima da graat U-R-U-H-A.

Whatever. Just give the phone to Ruki before I get pissed.

XP. U a meanie K-Y-O! Ruki needs better BF then u!

I'm so glad I don't have to put up with you all the time.

What'd I do now?

Oh, look it's you. Is it you?

Of course it's me you fucktard.

Yeah, it's you.

Who the hell did you think it was? Santa Claus?

No. Uruha stole your phone and tried to text me.

Oh, God. What did he say?

You text very well for a drunk.

He said that? Weird.

No, he didn't say that. I was stating an observation.

Just because I've had a few drinks doesn't mean I'm so drunk I can't type. It just takes me a little longer to focus.

Ah, so you can still make it home?

Probably, but I'm not going to push it just yet.

How many drinks have you had?

Couple of beers, maybe three glasses of wine? And way more shots than I had planned on tonight. Ugh. My head will be killing me in the morning.

...

What?

Maybe it's a good idea that you don't try making it home.

That's what I said earlier.

Just don't let Kai talk you into walking Reita or Uruha home. You'd probably end up passed out in an alley somewhere on the way.

Well, why can't you come get me?

Because I don't feel like it.

Ass.

Hey, you were the one who decided to stay over and drink with your band. Not my fault you can't make it home on your own.

I could probably do it. Stop drinking now and wait a little while to sober up some.

No. I don't want you going out while you're drunk. Stay put and just sleep it off.

AW!!1! K-Y-O iz worrried about ruki! Thatd so sweet of u~

Uruha, get the hell off Ruki's phone!

But K-Y-O dontcha want ta talk t

...

Sorry. He jumped me from behind and stole my phone. I had to distract him with an empty wine bottle.

And he actually fell for it?

More like dove for it.

Idiot.

Yeah. So I'll be home in about an hour or so.

What?

Well I'm kind bored now since there's no more room on Reita's face to draw. Kai's been on the phone with his girlfriend for the last twenty minutes and Aoi is fighting to get Uruha to let go of the empty wine bottle. Party over. Figured I'd sober up then head home.

No, you're not.

I'm not arguing with you Kyo.

You're not leaving.

And why not? I'm a big boy. I can handle walking home just fine.

Because it's not safe for you to leave by yourself and obviously none of your band mates are in any shape to drive you. Just stay there.

I'd rather not get attacked in my sleep. Besides I can take a taxi.

But your wallet is here.

Damn! Guess I'm walking.

Fine! I'll come get you, now shut up already.

Thank you, Kyo.

Yeah, yeah. Just don't mention it. Ever.

Also, can we get tacos on the way home?

...

Please?

Fine.

I love you.

Love you too, you drunk bastard.

Chapter Text

So when are you going to ask me to marry you?

Why does it have to be me asking?

Because I said so.

Of course.

It's okay if you were planning for it to be a surprise. Just... Sometime this century would be nice.

...

I'd say yes if you asked. No need to be worried.

...

Can you please write something other than ellipses.

I could, but I'm waiting for your intelligence to return to you before I say anything of significance.

I'm not being stupid! I just want to know.

Uh... Never?

Why not? I'm not going to be giving you free sex forever you know?

Oh, so your prostitution license went through did it? Good for you.

Fuck you!

You're a little too far away to do that.

Kyo!

What? The answer is never.

 

~*~*~*~ Twenty Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Babe. You can't be mad at me for not proposing. Men can't get married in Japan.

I know that!

Then why the hell are you so upset?

Just because it isn't possible for us to get married right now doesn't mean we can't be engaged.

The answer is still no.

What? Why?! Because you don't want to marry me?

Yes, that's it exactly.

I hate you.

Ruki. Be serious.

The hatred I have for you right now knows no bounds.

I'm flattered.

Why don't you want to marry me? I know you want to settle down.

Marrying you could never be considered as settling down.

And what is that supposed to mean?

Nothing. You're just very... spirited. That's all.

Uh huh. Besides, it's not like being engaged would change anything.

Sure it would. It'd give you something else to hold over my head.

I wouldn't do that.

Bullshit.

Much.

Sure.

Alright, fine! I still don't see what's wrong with being engaged?

It'd give you reason to plan a wedding.

We could never get married! Why the hell would I plan a wedding?

Don't play innocent. I already have a million examples not to trust what you say anymore. Especially when it comes to you spending my money.

You can't even count that high.

Doesn't matter, the answer is still no.

Argh! Sometimes I really do wonder why we're still together.

I ask myself that every day.

Liar! You're just afraid I'll leave you like all the others did once things get serious.

Are you telling me you weren't serious about us until now? I'm hurt Ruki.

You know what I mean!

I am not afraid of commitment.

Well if you're not afraid, why don't you ask me to marry you?

Because it'd be pointless to be engaged if we could never get married!

We could always go to Las Vegas?

I'm not going to a drive through wedding chapel in America with you.

Why not? It could be a lot of fun.

...

And just think of the honeymoon. We'd actually have an real excuse this time for ditching work to have sex.

Something tells me Kaoru wouldn't buy it. Kai might but that's because he's extremely gullible.

We'll just e-mail a copy of our marriage certificate to Kaoru before we disappear.

I see now. This is all a ploy to get time off of work because you're lazy and horny.

No, I'm really serious about this.

...

I'd like to be more than just your boyfriend. Especially since outside of our close friends and co-workers no one really believes we're together.

Considering how much we fight, I could understand why.

We're not that bad.

I'm honestly surprised people haven't called the police more on us more often.

You make it sounds like we're tearing into each other instead of having a little playful banter.

We made Kai and Shinya flee the room that last time we were together.

That was fun though. And besides everyone got a laugh out of it in the end.

True.

I still think we should get engaged.

I can see you're going to be hounding me about this for a while.

Damn right I am!

Ugh.

Don't roll your eyes at me!

...

Or give me weird looks.

Are you sure you're not a woman in disguise?

You should know firsthand that I'm not a woman.

True. That must mean your level of estrogen is a lot higher than the average man. It's okay, I understand.

Stop changing the subject.

What more do you want me to say?! I already told you I'm not going to do it, so why do you keep asking?

Because eventually you'll cave and say yes. Now say it already!

No.

Yes!

No.

Yes or I'll burn all your Star Wars collection.

You wouldn't dare.

It's not like you can stop me at the moment.

...

Just say yes already.

No.

You're such a dick.

Deal with it.

 

~*~*~*~ One Hour Later ~*~*~*~

 

So you're really never going to ask?

You'll have to wait until I get home to know.

Translation: YES!!!

Don't get too excited. You could hurt yourself.

Ha! I knew it. You love me and want me forever!

I really do wonder why we're still together sometimes.

Chapter Text

Shinya's worried about our relationship.

Why? Did he over hear our morning 'pillow talk' again?

Yeah. Now he won't leave me alone about us fighting. Did you have to throw the alarm clock at me?

That'll teach you to stick it under my pillow when you don't want to turn it off.

I thought it was a great idea. I wanted it silenced and you killed it for me. My hero.

I'm not buying you another one. I don't care how upset Kaoru gets.

He'll live. I, on the other hand, might be slightly scared at how accurate you are without your glasses.

I just aimed for the big, yellow blob. Easy.

Anyway, I need you to call Shinya later and explain that I wasn't abusing you so he'll leave me alone.

Okay, sure. I'll help keep you out of jail for a little while longer.

Why, thank you. So kind of you.

I don't see why he's so upset. It was just an alarm clock. Y'know, one of the many casualties in this house.

True, but Shinya doesn't know that. He thinks we're claiming things as 'accidents' to cover up abuse.

What? Does he think all we do is fuck and fight?

At the same time even.

Wow. Aren't we impressive?

I think so.

What else did he say?

What makes you think he said more?

It's you Kyo. You wouldn't be making me call Shinya unless he was truly upset about something he heard or saw. So, what did he say?

...

Or maybe it wasn't what he said.

...

Kyo. What did you say to Shinya?

Nothing.

Uh huh.

It's nothing I haven't said before about you. Just our usual shit talk but today Shinya happens to be more butt-hurt than usual.

Is he suggesting couple therapy again?

Only every time I talk to him. Telling me loving couples shouldn't talk that way about each other. It's not healthy. We should take better care of each other. Blah, blah, blah.

I'm very loving to your body.

The sentiment is returned. But Shinya's not convinced.

Poor Kyo. Maybe he just momentarily forgot who he was talking to?

Maybe, it is Shinya after all. He can't help that he tries looking for the good in everyone he meets.

Aw. You're defending him even though you think he's retarded. That's so cute.

Die is retarded. Shinya is just... too innocent and naive sometimes. And I'm not defending him.

Right. Sorry. You're being stubborn.

Thank you.

Does that mean we're grounded from fighting in front of Shinya?

Yeah. Kaoru's orders.

Well, that sucks.

I know.

Why would Kaoru step in?

Because Shinya refused to give up about me calling you my dirty whore so Kaoru had to step in if we were going to practice at all.

Since when have you ever called me your dirty whore?

I used the title as an example of the things I could call you if I felt like it.

Obviously the wrong example to use.

Yeah. I suffered for it.

Well, I don't care what Shinya thinks or what Kaoru ordered. If you turn into some overly sensitive and caring boyfriend I'm going to run away screaming.

...

Don't get any ideas.

I would never.

I can hear the wheels grinding away in your brain from here.

At least mine still function properly. I'm sure yours by now have probably started melting out your ears.

Don't remind me.

How'd the meeting go?

Still going.

Jesus.

Yep. Two hours later and he's still talking.

You poor, poor thing.

Stop making fun of me. You could be useful y'know.

Oh?

Yeah. You can come charging into the studio claiming that you need me for some emergency and then whisk me away to the apartment for some much needed rough sex.

I thought we agreed to cut back on that.

We've already killed the alarm, we might as well take apart the rest of the bedroom.

I could get behind that idea.

Or you could be behind me. Now.

As tempting as it is, I'm not storming the tower to save you from Kai's inspirational speeches.

God, I wish it was an inspirational speech. No, instead Kai's reprimanding Rei and Uru. Going over safety and responsibility again.

Who broke what this time?

Uruha and Reita may have collided during practice.

Collided? How?

They were jousting with their guitars in the hallway between sessions and one thing lead to another.

...

Good news is the swelling should go down in a few days. Just in time for our Shoxx interview. We have yet to determine if there's any lasting brain damage but I'm hopeful they'll make full recoveries!

You're right. I do need to rescue you.

Really?

Yep. After I take a nap.

Kyo!

You can always leave early. I'm sure Kai will let you go since you weren't part of the jousting.

And get fussed at by Kai just to have a quickie with you? I don't think so.

It wouldn't be a quickie.

Bullshit! You can't even muster up the energy to leave the house. How are you going to manage fucking me for longer than ten minutes?

I'll meet you in the elevator.

Oh, now there's an improvement. Hmm, let me see... Getting a hand job in the elevator or not getting my ass chewed out by Kai?

The answer should be pretty obvious.

It's a tough choice, but nah. I think I'll go with not getting my ass chewed out by Kai. Sorry, Kyo.

...

And you're right. The answer was pretty obvious.

Tease.

Why am I the tease? You were the one who brought up sex in the first place.

You make it sound like it's a bad thing.

You suggested we cut back on sex. How is that helping either of us?

Point taken.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Yes! That damned meeting finally ended.

So you're heading home now?

Yes, thank God.

Good. See you in a second.

Huh?

Look up.

-*-*-*-*-

Immediately looking up from the bright screen of his cell phone, Ruki blinked in surprised when he saw Kyo casually leaning against the wall just across from the conference room door. His own cell phone loosely clasped in his tattooed hand and a smirk on his face as Ruki slowly made his way over.

Giving him a questioning look Ruki couldn't help but ask Kyo, "I thought you said you couldn't muster up the energy to leave the apartment?"

"I lied." Kyo said with a simple shrug of his shoulders before reaching out to pull his lover to him for a kiss.

"Hi," Ruki whispered against Kyo's lips after they finally parted. A stupid smile stretching his lips.

"Hi," Kyo repeated with a laugh. "C'mon. We have a bedroom that needs to get wrecked." With a quick tug at his wrist, Ruki followed the older man down the hall and towards the elevator.

Chapter Text

Ruki?

Yeah?

I found something interesting stuck to my face when I woke up this morning. Care to explain?

If you're talking about the hair on your chin, it's called a beard.

I wasn't talking about that.

Oh, sorry. Is it the hair above your eyes that forms two lines? If so, then those are called eyebrows. I know it's shocking being able to finally see them in their natural state and all but it's okay. Its natural.

Would you stop being a smart ass already?

Yeah, sure. What do you need?

The piece of paper, Ruki.

Yes, I know. Did you like it?

You taped a homemade coupon for a free blowjob to my forehead while I was asleep. How do you think I like it?

Wet and sloppy.

Not what I meant.

Then you should be more specific.

You shouldn't use so much sarcasm this early in the morning, it'll give you wrinkles.

I can handle it. Other people might not be able to but that's their problem not mine.

...

Did you have a serious question for me? I've yet to see it, so hopefully you haven't forgotten what it was.

Why are you so cheery this morning?

Why are you so grumpy?

Probably because I woke up with a note printed on me.

Wait. A print?

Oh, yeah. A print. Apparently sometime after you left I rolled over onto the note where it sat pressed to my face for who knows how long.

Please tell me you're saying what I think you're saying?

...

Really? The paper left a print on your face? Wait! Which part of the note?

I refuse to answer that.

LOL

It's not funny.

No, it's fucking hilarious! God, I wish I could see it right now.

I hate you.

I'm surprised you even told me about it. Y'know I'm never going to let you live this down?

I know.

Then why tell me? Unless...

...

Holy shit! You can't wash it off can you?

Not all of it. Apparently blowjobs are a lot harder to wash away then I'd been led to believe.

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

I just want to say thank you, Kyo.

Why?

I've never laughed so hard in my entire life. This is beautiful.

I'm going to kill you.

I love you so much. LOL

Shut up.

Okay, okay. I'm done laughing at you. For now.

...

Have you tried using a different soap instead of a face soap? A facial cleanser might be too soft to remove the ink. Maybe try makeup remover?

I know.

Seriously, you could have done that before you texted me and I would have never known.

Originally I texted you with the intent to ask about borrowing some of your shit. Of course then you had to be a snarky bitch about it.

Whoa, calm down. It's not that bad.

I'm so going to get you back for this.

What? Why? I was only trying to do something nice for you for your birthday!

My birthday isn't for another three days. You could have waited until I was awake to give it to me!

You're not going to be here for it! Today's the last day we get to really spend together and I was trying to set the mood this morning. Maybe you shouldn't have slept so long!

I would have preferred to dig the note out of my cereal again than wake up to it practically tattooed to my face.

Fine! See if I ever do anything nice for you again.

Don't turn this around on me.

Then stop being a prick about it! I'm sorry the note left ink on you. I didn't know that would happen.

I'm still going to get you back for that.

Whatever.

 

~*~*~*~ Thirty Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Ruki.

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Babe. I'm sorry for getting upset with you. Will you please come back to the apartment now?

 

~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

I'm not angry will you anymore. And I do appreciate the gift but I think it would have been better if you had been here to give it.

Sex does not going to fix everything Kyo.

No, but it will make you feel better.

True. You do still have that coupon to use.

Make up sex?

Okay, fine. I'm heading back to the apartment now.

I'll see you soon gorgeous.

Do you forgive me about the ink?

Oh, no. I'm still going to get you back for that.

Damn.

Chapter Text

Hey, Kyo?

Yes?

I have a favor to ask.

No, I will not stage an accident to kill your band mates off.

Uh...

I don't care what they said about your new hair cut. You can't make me.

What? They love my new hair style!

Sure, they do.

And why do you always assume I want you to kill someone when I ask for a favor?

Probably because you threaten to kill everyone who pisses you off.

I do not.

It's practically your life's motto: "Piss me off and I will have to you killed."

You make me sound like a psychopath.

You're not that bad. Yet.

Oh. So I've yet to reach psychotic levels, but don't worry it'll happen eventually?

Yep. Besides if anyone's a psychopath that would be me. But for you, definitely a sociopath.

I love how those are terms you feel proud to hand out. Makes me feel very warm and fuzzy.

You knew ahead of time the depth of my insanity.

Liar. You just say you're insane to get away with all those bad habits of yours.

Been working so far. I don't see a reason to stop now.

Right and while I applaud you for trying to distract me, I still going to ask you that favor.

Damn.

Can you stop by the store on your way to get me?

...

What?

Why?

Why not?

Because we don't need anything from the store and I don't want to be out in public longer than I have to be.

Or you can pretend to be a good future husband and take me shopping when I say.

I can't. It would mess with my reputation.

How about if I mess up your face instead?

See. That right there. You can't go a day without threatening me with bodily harm.

It's one of the few ways you'll behave for me because you're a dick.

Temper, temper Ru-chan.

Ugh. Don't ever call me that again. You sound like Uruha when he's drunk.

There's such a thing as a 'Drunk Uruha'? I thought he was just perpetually drunk and therefore always like that.

Kai cracked down on him after he tried to hang Reita outside his third story window.

And here I thought those two were such close friends.

They are. But Reita's also really good at Mortal Kombat and Uruha was done with losing. Uruha's a very sore loser.

I'm never going near your band mates. Ever.

Aw, but you're supposed to pick me up today.

I'll wait until they're all gone before even leaving the apartment.

That's stupid. How will you even know when they've all left?

I'll know.

Besides that'd take forever. Kai doesn't leave until the guards throw him out and I don't want to be waiting here for that long.

That's the point. You'd be stranded at the studio for so long, boredom will set in and force you to scuff up your new shoes by walking for once.

Just because I take care of my looks and my things is no reason for you to pick on me.

...

Oh, shut up you ankle biter.

I think you got me confused with your dog.

No, I'd say I was dead on with that one. Hey! It can be your new nickname!

Fuck you.

Too bad for you, you've already lost that chance just now.

What do you mean?

Reita just asked me if I wanted to hang out today and I said yes.

...

So don't worry Kyo. You don't have to pick me up anymore. I'll just hang out with Reita all day and maybe through the night. You can come get me once you're done being a bitch.

You are not.

I am too.

But we were going to start Portal tonight.

Are you pouting?

No.

Uh huh. I might be convinced to stay home if you explain to me what crawled up your ass and died.

What makes you think I'm upset?

You only text me this much when something's bothering you and you don't want to deal with it.

I'm fine.

Liar.

What does it matter? You can't help anyway.

Because I don't like it when you're upset. It gives you more wrinkles and you have enough as it is.

Brat.

I'm waiting.

I can't write.

Can't write what?

Anything. Our album is set to release in three months and I can't even write a fucking chorus line without wanting to stab myself in the eye with disgust.

Ah.

See, even you can't even say anything that could help.

Well, if you give me a moment to think I might be able to help.

Just forget it. I need to finish what I can and then I'll relax after you're home. Call me when practice is over and I'll come get you.

Hey, Kyo?

Yeah?

Funny-Star-War-Meme-Yea-If-You-Could-Just-Surrender-To-The-Force-Thatd-Be-Great-Picture.jpg

Thanks babe.

~*~*~*~ Thirty Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Even though he was risking a lot by sneaking out of the studio before they were done for the day, Ruki easily ignored his own impending doom from a certain drummer. Instead, he carefully slipped into the quiet apartment with a bag of greasy takeout and the latest mind numbing action movie. From his spot in the entrance hall Ruki quickly spotted Kyo hunched over the table in the middle of the living room. Rough hands tugging at shaggy hair in frustration as the man tried again and again to write out a new line but only getting a few words out before harshly scratching them out.

Trying to be as quiet as possible so he wouldn't disturb the other man, Ruki carefully placed the bag of food beside the table before reaching out. Placing his hands on Kyo's shoulders, Ruki leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of that shaggy blond hair. "I told you not to force it, silly." He scolded. Folding his legs on either side of the man, Ruki nuzzled into Kyo's tattooed neck. Placing another kiss to the exposed skin.

Unconsciously smiling at Ruki's surprise arrival, Kyo let out a sigh as he leaned back into the comforting embrace. "Couldn't help it," he mumbled before pulling Ruki's head around for a proper kiss.

"Well, since you're too stressed to write properly..." Ruki trailed off. A sly look spreading across his lips as he picked up the bag and placed both the food and the movie in front of Kyo. Completely covering up his failed attempts at writing in a not-so-subtle gesture. "I figured we could unwind with some greasy food and explosions. And if you're still feeling uninspired, I was thinking about letting you practice on me with some chocolate sauce and a brush."

As he explained the plan for the day, Ruki pulled out and placed each said item out of the table. Ending with a decent sized bottle of chocolate sauce. Casually knocking the stack of sheet music and lyric notes out of the way for his own fun.

"What do you say?" Ruki grinned.

"You're amazing." Kyo stated point blank.

With a laugh, Ruki pulled away from Kyo to grab some plates but not before ordering the older man to put the DVD in the player. "Love you too, Kyo."

Chapter Text

Ruki?

Yeah?

Where the hell are you?

Somewhere.

Where?

Hanging out with the guys.

Where!?

At Reita's. Geez, don't get your panties in a twist.

Fine. Why are you at the moron's?

Because he asked me if I wanted to hang out after practice with the rest of the band and I said yes.

...

So what crawled up your ass and died?

I'm just pissed at you.

Obviously. Though the reason why seems to be on the side of nonexistent.

I'm mad because you neglected to mention you weren't coming home straight after practice.

Oh yeah.

Or that you'd be gone for HOURS without telling me where or with who.

Aw. Were you worried about me Kyo?

No.

I think you were. Probably going out of your mind when I didn't call or text you immediately.

I was not.

Uh huh.

Shut up.

Yeah, your reputation just suffered as serious hit there. Like, full frontal assault in fact. But it's okay, I think it's cute you when you worry about me.

For some bizarre reason I have the sudden urge to strangle you.

Save the kinky stuff for when I get home, hun.

...

Liked that didn't you, you dirty old man.

I was merely considering the various ways to kill someone and make it look like an accident.

I'm so happy to know that you think about me so much.

Ugh.

It's fine. I'll be home in an hour or so. Things are already winding down when you texted.

Good. Gives me just enough time to conveniently fall asleep before you get here.

Ha, ha. Do you want me to get dinner on the way home or did you already eat one of those card board meals?

We still have frozen dinners left?

No!

But you just said we did.

I was asking because I wasn't sure if you picked up more from the store.

Was I supposed to?

What? No. You stay away from those things!

...

So, I'm bringing dinner home. Sound good?

Okay. Just don't get food from the stupid Italian place you like to go to so much.

What? Why not?

Because it's horrible.

Take that back! Gioia is amazing!

The only reason you like it so much is because you're a damn pasta fairy. The rest of us are thoroughly burned out on eating pasta ever again.

Fine. What do you want me to get?

Whatever is fine with me. Just not pasta!

I should just get you something from Gioia anyway, but I guess I'll have to settle for killing you off slowly with McDonald's.

Thanks, I think. Why McDonald's?

Because it's the first place I could think of that's close to our apartment.

And you call me a lazy bastard.

Well if you're so inclined to be an asshole, you can get your own food.

Does that mean I can get more frozen dinners?

God, no!

But I'm hungry.

I'll bring real food home. No more frozen dinners for you!

I think you're just attacking my prepackaged meals because I said I don't like spaghetti.

You just have lousy taste. Normal people like spaghetti, y'know.

People like you, you mean. As for me, I'll stick with foods I'm familiar with and don't ruin my favorite shirts.

It stained one shirt with marinara Kyo. One! You can't keep a grudge against food for Christ's sake. That's just retarded.

So says the man who refuses to go into park anymore because another dog played too rough with Koron.

Hey, that dog could have seriously hurt him! It wasn't even on a leash or being watched by anyone!

It's a wonder that monster of yours can even breath with the way you smother it.

Just for that you're not getting any food from me at all. And I was just on my way home too.

That's fine. In fact, you should go ahead and skip picking up dinner.

Why?

Because I said so.

No.

Just do it.

"But I'm hungry."

...

LOL. All right, all right. But if I get hungry later, you're the one going to be making a midnight run.

Fine.

And it better be Gioia's!

Yeah, yeah. Just get your scrawny ass home already.

 

~*~*~*~ Half an hour later ~*~*~*~

 

First off, where are you? Also, what's with containers from Gioia's? I thought you said we weren't getting takeout?

I'm hiding from you. And the food's only part of your present.

Present?

Y'know, for your birthday.

Aw, you didn't forget. Though you are like a week early.

It was either today or next month and I know how prissy you get when we wait so long to celebrate your birthday.

Aw, Kyo!

You honestly thought I would forget, didn't you?

Yeah, kind of.

Well, I didn't.

Is that why you were so angry when you text me earlier?

Yes. I was pissed that you had went off to party with your friends without telling me. Especially since I worked so hard to plan this out.

Sorry about that, my phone died at the studio and I forgot to text after it had charged at Rei's.

What hell are you doing?

Nothing.

...

Damn it!

What?

You turned off the ringer to your phone, asshole. How am I supposed to find you now?

Is that what all that noise is? It sounds like you're taking apart the place.

Ah ha! So you are somewhere inside. Thank god. I was worried I'd be have to wandering around the streets trying to solve riddles or something to find you.

...

Come on. Give me a hint.

Why don't you open up the bedroom door?

Nah, it can't be that easy. You never make anything easy.

Would you just get in here already.

 

-*-*-*-

 

"Okay. So you were telling the truth." Ruki mumbled, staring wide eyed at the sexy vision his older lover made whilst lying on their bed completely naked. "Are you supposed to be the second part of my present?"

Humming thoughtfully, Kyo stretched out just to visually tease his lover further as he titled his head to one side and then the other. "I don't know," he grinned. "I just might have something else for you over here. But you're going to have to find where I hid it. And no hints this time."

"That's just fine with me." Ruki grinned lecherously. Already yanking his shirt over his head before diving for the other man.

Chapter Text

Do you think you left enough messages for me?

Kyo! Jesus. I was so worried. Are you okay? What happened? Did you really go to the hospital? What did the doctors say?

Whoa. One question at a time. Geez.

Sorry! I was worried when I heard that there was an accident during a show and then I hear you're in the hospital!!

Beware, Ruki's been going crazy since he found out you were in the hospital.

...

I don't know what that means, but I figured you deserve a fair warning.

I don't know what you're doing texting me Blondie or how you got my number but you're too late.

Ruki's already sunk his claws into you? Harsh, dude.

Ruki sinks his claws in me every time we have sex. I'm used to it by now.

Eww! Gross!  >:(  I don't even know why I try talking to you anymore.

I don't either. How about we stop now for both our sakes?

Why didn't you call sooner? AND WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME?

Calm down. I was texting Reita.

You were texting Rei? Why?

Because he texted me.

You were talking to him before me? I can't believe you!

Calm down. I didn't tell Reita anything. He just text me to warn me about how crazy you've been acting.

Oh.

...

I have not being acting crazy!! How dare he say something like that! I've been worried sick about you and he's making fun of me? I should go kick his ass right now and see how he likes being in a hospital for something more than broken fingers!

Babe, you can't hospitalize your band mate.

Like hell I can't!

Speaking of hospitals; yes, I really went. I didn't feel I needed to but Kaoru told me I had no choice.

Well what's wrong? Are you hurt? Don't leave me in the dark here!

Nothing serious. I just hit my head, got a little dizzy, threw up, may have passed out a little bit...

JESUS!

Now I have a massive headache and some bruising. The doctors say I'll be fine after a night of rest.

Are you sure you should be sleeping so soon after hitting your head? What kind of doctors do they have over there!?!

It's fine. I don't have a concussion.

I don't trust this doctor's diagnosis. I really think you should get a second opinion.

I'm not going back to the hospital Ruki.

But what if something's wrong and they missed it?

It was just a bunch of bad events that lead to one big scare. I'm okay.

Good. I'm glad you're going to be okay. You have no idea how scared I was when Kaoru called and said you were being sent to the hospital.

I told Kaoru not to say anything until after I had talked to you.

And I told Kaoru never to listen to you. He seems to agree with me.

Ugh.

Though he wouldn't tell me anything else before hanging up. So what happened?

...

Tell me!

Some little shit screwed up and I might have also been suffering from minor heat stroke.

Who? Screwed up on what?

A certain crew member who won't be named. He didn't secure the center stage cage over the speaker I stand on.

Asshole!

What?

No, not you.  The stage hand.

I know what you're think Ruki and no, you can't kill off our road crew.

I don't need to kill the whole crew, just a certain man. Once you tell me his name.

You'll have to get in line. I get first dibs on the guy.

You're injured, you're not allowed to kill anyone.

I have a headache. Not a gaping hole in my head.

But it could have happened! Or even something worse! I want to kill him.

Fine, you can kill him but I want to watch.

Deal.

So has Ruki talked your ears off yet?

...

You actually answer people with an ellipsis?

I'm vaguely impressed you actually know what an ellipsis is.

Of course, I do. I went to school.

Congratulations. Now go away.

Reita was right. You really are a dick.

You're welcome.

See, you're doing it again! Why do you keep ignoring me? I'm trying to play the role of concerned boyfriend here and you won't even answer me!

Relax. Another one of your band mates text me.

What? Who was it this time?

I don't know. Whoever has the number **********.

Why is Aoi texting you?

 

-*-*-*-

E-mail Received:

Hi, Kyo-san. I just wanted to say hello and that I hope you're doing better now. Ruki-kun's been very worried about you and for his sake and yours, I wish you a speedy recovery. Also can you inform Kaoru-san not to leave vague voice messages concerning you state of health on Ruki's phone? I'd rather not have my vocalist trying to hop on the earliest flight to America in the middle of a recording session. Thank you and hope you feel much better soon.

Sincerely,

Kai

-*-*-*-

 

Hey, midget man! Uruha here~

Oh, no.

Just wanted to double check on you man! Y'know, make sure you're still in one piece and you're not going to keel over suddenly.

I don't see why you want to know, but yes. I'll live.

Uh, because Ruki's difficult enough to handle when you're only being annoying? I'd hate to see how psychotic he'd get if you died. LMAO

...

Oh, shit. Don't tell him I said that. Anyway, just wanted to double check on you. Talk to Ruki yet? You should, he's been really upset.

HELLO! Are you even going to answer me anymore? Why is Aoi texting you?!?

Jesus Christ! The entire band is coming out of the wood works to talk me.

What the fuck! WHY?

How the hell should I know!

Ugh. Those bastards, don't they know not to disturb you while you're resting.

...

I don't count damn it! I'm allowed to bother you to make sure you're okay.

And now you know. So that means you can leave me alone. Same goes for your friends.

Why are you trying to avoid everyone?

Maybe because everyone is constantly asking me the same thing? I think you morons can manage to communicate between yourselves. Share the news! I'm not dead nor am I dying.

We're just worried, you dick.

Now silence! I'm turning off my phone and dropping off the face of the Earth to sleep.

You better not! I'm not done talking to you!

I need sleep, babe. My headache's getting worse and texting isn't helping.

You're right. I'm sorry! If you think it's okay, you should definitely try and get some sleep.

It's fine Ruki.

I'll let you go to bed now. But don't think I'm done harassing you!

I know. I expected nothing less.

Good. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Sure, whatever.

 

~*~*~*~ An hour later ~*~*~*~

 

Yeah, I know you're probably asleep but I forgot to say this earlier. I love you and I hope you feel better soon.

Too bad for you then, I'm still awake.

Go to bed!

I love you too. Night.

Goodnight Kyo.

If you die, can I have your CD collection? I promise to take great care of it.

Ugh.

Chapter Text

You're in big trouble Kyo.

What'd I do now?

You know what you did!

Okay...

Ugh! I just love how you're memory always goes bad at the most convenient times.

Too bad your attitude doesn't disappear at the most convenient times.

Ha, ha. Now shut up, you're supposed to be cowering in the wake of my anger.

...

Please?

Right. Suddenly a little voice in the back of my head is telling me this is all bullshit.

You're hearing voices now? That's not good Kyo.

That's not what I meant.

I couldn't help it. You so set yourself up for that one.

Yes, I realize that now. Brat.

Mhm.

So what did you want to talk about?

Shit. I forgot.

Does that mean I'm off the hook?

No! I didn't forget I was supposed to be mad at you!

Damn.

Oh yeah. I was supposed to scold for you what you said earlier to Reita and Uruha.

Uh, you'll have to be a bit more specific. I say a lot of things that upset your friends.

I'm talking about this morning when you were harassing them. Did you really have to say such harsh things about them, especially Reita.

How'd you find out about that.

They told me.

...

Fine. Kai told me because they wouldn't tell me. They think I'll immediately tell you and you'll beat them up or something.

Well, they were right in one regard.

You're going to beat them up? Why?

No. I meant you telling me everything.

I do not!

We spent a whole hour yesterday talking about Aoi's new hair color, how much you thought it suited him, and whether or not you could convince Kai to dye his hair next.

God. I really am that bad, aren't I?

...

Don't answer that.

Wasn't going to.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be defending my band!

Were you?

I am! So stop picking on my friends Kyo! It's not funny anymore.

They started it. Besides, if that pansy can't handle a few comments about his existence maybe he shouldn't leave his house.

You mean Rei?

The pansy, yes.

You really need to stop trying to piss him off. One of these days he's going to snap and deck you.

I'll take my chances. Besides its second nature to fuck with the wimps.

I don't care if it's second nature to you, stop!

We both know that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Well, it's going to.

So what did Kai say to make you put your foot down?

He might have threatened to ban you from the building if I couldn't make you behave or at least start acting nicer to the rest of the band. Also he'd take my mobile away.

I'm okay with it.

I'm not!

Tough.

Kyo! Just please... Calm it down?

No.

Kyo!

Why should I? It's not my problem if he takes your phone. In fact, I'll even rejoice the moment he does. It'll give me a chance to have some peace during work.

Why do I get the feeling you're just going to be even more of an asshole now?

I would never do that.

If you get my phone taken away, I'll deny you sex for as long as he has my phone.

I'm okay with it. You guys are going on tour for two months so we won't even be able to have sex until after you get back. And you would never withhold sex after being without for two months.

Damn, I forgot we're leaving for tour soon.

In the meantime, I'll continue to pick on the simpleminded.

Look, you don't have to completely stop!

Continue.

I'm just asking you to slow it down. Give them a little more time in between burns instead of trying to cut them open with your sharp tongue.

...

You don't have to be nice. I'm sure Kai would love it if you did, but I don't expect that. Just clam it the fuck down.

Fine. I'll refrain from insulting them every time we talk.

That's all I'm asking. Thank you.

Anyway, I have to go. I've got things to do.

It's your day off. What the hell do you have to do today?

Shower.

Oh! Mind taking some pictures for me?

...

Please?

No.

But Kyo! I won't get to see you for another four hours. I need the encouragement to help get through the work day.

I refuse to hand you blackmail material.

Fine. I'll just have Reita take care of my boredom.

The hell you will. There's already enough rumors going around about the two of you fucking each other.

What rumors?

Oh, don't play innocent when you fucking cater to the fan service between you two.

I was just having fun with my friends, Kyo. Reita happens to be one of my best friends. Get over it.

Uh huh.

Don't 'uh huh' me, you jealous bastard! Rei and I have never nor will we ever sleep together.

...

Is that why you're jumping down his throat recently? Because we hug and play around on stage and fans think we're together?

No.

You should know better than that Kyo. I've seen the shit you pull with your band mates on stage, it's no different with us.

If my band mates touched me the way Reita touches you, I would have decked them.

Rei is not molesting me! Nor does he want to!

He better not. In fact, if you want me to be calm down the insult then you need to calm down with the fucking touching.

It's not like we're spending the whole day wrapped around each other.

Then stay away from him. You guys don't have to be physically touching to write an album.

We're not that bad, Kyo.

Then stay away. Your mine and he needs to learn to keep his hands off.

I love it when you get possessive like that.

...

What? I find it sexy.

If you're playing into that whole Reituki thing to make me jealous I'm going to kick your ass.

Why do you even know the fan name for Rei and I?

...

We're you scouring through the internet to see if there was actual evidence of Rei and I together?

No.

You're so cute sometimes.

Shut up.

I promise Rei's only my best friend Kyo. Not my secret lover. I'm all yours handsome!

Make sure it stays that way.

Yes, sir.

Chapter Text

I hate American fast food so, so much.

This coming from the man who believes a balanced meal comes from a cardboard box found in the frozen section.

At least my frozen dinners contain real food. This... This is made straight from the box. No food involved.

I'm surprised that Kaoru would even let you guys eat fast food. Aren't you guys supposed to be eating healthy to help Die?

Die was the one who asked if we could have fast food for dinner.

And Kaoru said yes?

Die asked for food. We weren't about to tell him no.

You're right. Did you throw a party in celebration instead?

God, no. I don't think I could handle sugar on top of all this.

Are you going to make it through the night?

I'd have been in serious trouble if I had eaten anything.

Just because Die's idea of a good meal is warped doesn't mean you shouldn't go without food. Especially during tour.

It's not like I want to.

Doesn't Kaoru or Shinya have any health bars or snacks stashed away?

Toshiya got to it first.

All gone then?

It didn't even make it from the airport to the hotel.

I feel bad now.

Why?

Because I'm eating an early lunch and you're suffering without food.

You're right. You should feel bad.

Nah. In fact...
curry.jpg

I hate you.

Why not order room service?

That would involve talking to more people. No.

Just ask Nori-san to order you something. It'll solve all your problems.

I'll just grab something out of the vending machine down the hall.

How is junk food from a vending machine better than fast food?

It's not covered in grease?

It's still no excuse. Order some real food!

...

You've already raided the vending machine, haven't you?

I had help.

I highly doubt anyone, aside from Toshiya, would assist you in consuming your weight in junk food.

Superficial punk.

I am not superficial. I'm merely stating, in a very rude way, that I don't want you to get fat. I like how you look now and I'd like to keep you that way for awhile.

Thanks?

Did you really eat all the junk food in the vending machines.

Just a bag to tie me over.

Only one bag?

Yeah, neither I nor Shinya ate with the rest of the group, so we agreed to go out early and get a big breakfast that won't kill our stomachs.

I guess that's fine. I would prefer you guys just have Nori-san order you something, but I know how stubborn you are.

...

Is it because it was my idea? Is that why you're not going to do it?

No.

Does that mean you're going to bed early so you can wake up for breakfast?

Ugh.

Didn't think about that either, did you?

I hate this.

You poor thing.

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

You're a dick.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Uh huh. So Nori showing up suddenly with a boxed meal just for me has nothing to do with you?

None what-so-ever.

I was doing fine, but thank you.

I figured it's safer for everyone if you're pissed at me for taking care of you, rather than you being tired and hungry tomorrow.

What about poor Shinya?

He's a big boy. He can feed himself. I'm worried about you being so burned out that you get sick or worse.

I'll be fine.

I've heard that before.

I'll. Be. Okay.

You better be. If I find out from Kaoru or through the grapevine that you'd passed out in the middle of a live or you're in the hospital again, I'll personally fly to America to kick your ass.

As if Kai would ever let you leave the country.

I'll take him with me. I'll need someone to keep me out of jail after all.

One would almost think you cared about me.

I do have an image to up hold after all.

Uh huh.

Anyway, I have to get back to work and you need to eat and get some sleep. I'll talk to you later.

Yeah, okay. Night.

Goodnight, Kyo.

 

~*~*~*~ One Hour Later ~*~*~*~

 

I miss you.

I miss you too. Now go to sleep before I call Kaoru to come knock you out.

I'll call you later to let you know how the live went?

You better. I love you, Kyo.

Love you too.

Chapter Text

Hey!

Hi.

So what'cha up to right now?

Listening to Kaoru bitch. You?

Standing in the lobby.

Okay. Wait... You mean our lobby?

Yep.

Why are you waiting in the lobby? Shouldn't you be at the studio right now?

Kai said I could leave early.

You mean Kai kicked you out of the building.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Uh huh. So why are you in the lobby?

I'm waiting for you.

Thanks mom, but I think I can walk home on my own today. No hand holding needed.

Ha, ha. Ass. I'm waiting for you to take me out.

Sucks to be you then. Kaoru just got his second wind.

Then tell Kaoru he needs to wrap up his bitch-fit quick because you have things to do for me.

How about no?

You could refuse...

But?

But if you do I'm starting a bonfire using all your manga as kindling.

You're cruel.

Then you should just tell Kaoru you have something important to do and leave already.

I'm not catching fire for you. Besides, he'll run out of breath soon enough. Be patient.

I don't want to wait anymore. You promised me a date!

I did?

Yeah.

When?

Last night.

...

After I yelled at you for slamming the door in Reita's face. You said you'd go on a date with me if I dropped the argument. And I did.

I don't remember promising you anything then. And that punk deserved it.

So you forgot about your promise to me but not whatever Reita wanted? I see how it is.

So?

What was it Reita wanted by the way? You never told me.

He didn't ask you today?

No, he just told me to forget it and then locked himself in the recording booth all day.

About time that punk finally listened.

Did you threaten Rei AGAIN?

No. I made a prediction for him.

What? What does that mean?

Don't worry about it.

Kyo!

So how about this date we're going on soon?

Ugh. You're unbelievable.

You know what is believable? Us going out on that date today.

I love how jealous you get even though you know I'd never leave you.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Whatever. Is Kaoru done talking yet?

Almost. I'd say another ten to fifteen minutes tops.

Good. And deny it all you want; I got a date out of you because of your jealousy so...?

Y'know on second thought, I think I'll just stay over today. I think there are a few tracks I could work on, maybe write a new song.

You say that as if I wouldn't be able to convince Kaoru to give me the key to the studio.

...

Tragic, I know. You're being forced to go on a date with your fiancée.

I have work to do.

You can do it tomorrow.

...

Just admit defeat already, old man.

So where do you want to go today, brat?

I was thinking we could go to the mall first.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes! First on the agenda is to replace the makeup you stole from me to make that damned wannabe face paint of yours.

I'll agree if you agree I can finally get body paint.

If it'll keep you from my stuff, fine.

So what else is planned?

Clothes shopping is next.

Ugh.

I don't know why you're complaining. Everything I've even gotten looks great. Even on you.

...

Hey, the headbands would have been cool if you actually wore them like a normal person.

I knew it would piss you off. Weirdo.

I'd have to be weird to be dating you as long as I have.

Yeah, at this rate we'll probably end up spending our anniversary at a mental hospital.

So long as you don't forget my gift, I'm fine with it.

So shopping, great. Anything else for your date?

Nothing much, just some shopping then dinner and maybe sex afterwards.

I think I can handle that. But I refuse to spend the rest of the day in the mall.

Not even if it means watching me get undressed multiple times to model for you?

...

I might even let you talk me into those leather pants this time.

We're leaving straight for the mall from here right?

If you ever get out of that damn meeting, yes. That's the plan.

It's done.

I thought you said it'd be another ten minutes? It's only been two.

I left.

LOL Plan on catching any fire for me lately Kyo?

Shut up.

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

I thought you said you were in the lobby.

I was. I decided since you were on your way down to go ahead and wait in the car.

Well thank you ever so fucking much for letting me know that.

Were you wandering around the lobbing looking for me like a lost child?

...

You're adorable. But yeah, I'm waiting in the car so hurry up.

Better make that fucking fashion show you promised a strip tease or I'm taking a taxi home right now.

You're not seeing anything if you don't get here in the next sixty seconds.

 

-*-*-*-*-

"Aren't you just nice today," Kyo grumbled as he opened the driver's door, sitting down with a huff.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm always nice," Ruki teased, earning a snort from the blond beside him as he leaned over, meeting Kyo half way for a chaste kiss. "Now hurry up. I want to go shopping already."

"If only someone could just kill me now,"

Chapter Text

Hi! Is this Ruki-kun?

Uh, yeah. Who the hell is this?

Hi Ruki-kun! This is Toshiya from Dir en grey! (^_^) How are you doing today?

Hi, Toshiya-san. Little curious about why you're texting all of the sudden, but I'm doing good. Thank you for asking. How about you?

Terrible! (ب_ب) That's why I'm texting you.

Uh, okay.

Oh, sorry. That sounded very rude. I meant to say that I'm having trouble lately and I was hoping you could help me out.

Ah. Yeah, sure. I'll try my best Toshiya-san.

Thank you so much Ruki-kun! (^_^)

So! All morning long I've been trying to call Kyo but he won't answer his phone. (T_T)

Not a surprise.

I know! So I tried texting him. (بoب) But even when I text him, he just gives me a bunch of rude and sarcastic comments. (T^T)

You're asking Kyo for advice? You must be desperate.

But I really need his help!

I can try.

(*^.^*) Really? THANK YOU!!!

I make no promises just so you know.

That's okay. I appreciate you trying for me! (^o^)

Okay, sure. What did you need advice on?

I was trying to ask if turning gay made relationships easier. It seems every relationship I have lately keeps collasping! (T﹏T) Yet, you and Kyo fight constantly and you've remained together for years! I thought maybe dating another man might help me. But Kyo won't tell me anything!!!

Uh...

What do you think? Should I try dating a man?

Have you ever dated a man before?

No. (O.O) Is that bad? Do guys my age not like other guys if they've never been with another man before?

That's not necessarily true. Kyo had never dated another man before we got together.

Oh yeah!! It was so weird too when he first said he was dating you! LOL Actually it was weird hearing he was dating anyone. (¬.¬)

Thanks.

NOOOO! ( /)w(\) I didn't mean it like that! You're not weird! I just meant it was a shock to hear Kyo was dating a man! He'd only ever been with women and then he was single for so long. I thought he was going to die alone because he was so against dating again! (o.o)

Please tell me you didn't say any of this to Kyo.

Eh. (>.>) No?

Maybe?

Yes, all of it and more!! (/)_(\)

LOL

(T^T) I was trying to convince him to help me out since I don't know anyone else dating another man! I don't want to be single forever!!! o(╥﹏╥)o HELP ME~

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Are you still willing to help me? I didn't mean to offend you Ruki-kun. (o/////o)

It's okay, Toshiya-san. I'm not upset or offended.

That's great!

No, I was just thinking of a way to tell you that I can't help you.

But I said I'm sorry! (T﹏T) PLEASE RUKI-KUN!

I really think you should talk to Kyo about this because I can't really help you.

Is it because dating Kyo isn't like dating a normal human being? (õ.O)

No. Well, kind of. But I meant because I've always been comfortable with dating both men and woman.

OH! (^O^)

And I can't exactly ask Kyo on your behalf since that would be awkward coming from me. So, instead I'm going to help you get past Kyo's rejection.

YES PLEASE!!!!

First off, you're going about asking him all wrong. You're trying to appeal to Kyo's sympathetic side and that's wrong because...?

Eh? Oh, uh. He doesn't have one? ┐(‘~`;)┌

Exactly. Now try and remember what he does have.

Umm. A really big sex drive? A closet full of tight pants? The raging thoughts of a psychopath?

Err. No... But good guess!

(T﹏T) Wah! What's the correct answer?!

Ego. He has a really big ego.

Oh. OH! GAH~ (X_X) I should have known that, everyone knows that! (>_<) Thanks Ruki-kun!!!

No problem! Glad I could help.

I promise I won't tell Kyo that you helped me out!! (^.~)

Too late. He'll know I had something to do with it the moment you ask again.

Thank you anyway! (^з^)-☆

 

~*~*~*~ One Hour Later ~*~*~*~

 

I hate you.

I'm sure you do. Toshiya finally get in touch with you?

I was trying to avoid him for a reason, y'know.

I know. But I also had a good laugh thinking about you giving Toshiya advice about dating gay men. LOL

You're cruel.

Oh, don't blame me. Besides if you really didn't want to talk to him you wouldn't answer regardless. Or turned off your phone.

Can't. I'm expecting a call from Mao.

You're expecting a call from WHO?

Mao.

Why the fuck is Mao calling you AGAIN? And you're leaving your phone on just to talk to him!? You never do that. Not even for me!

That's because people are annoying and always want to talk when I'm busy. And you're the worst of them all.

You consider staring off into space being busy and I am not annoying.

I was busy thinking. There's a difference. And yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

You say yes one more time and I'll shove your phone up your ass. I'd like to see you try calling your precious Mao then.

Are you jealous?

No! I'm pissed off!

...

Fuck you.

I don't see why.

That's because you have really bad eye sight.

I've never seen you get jealous over someone. And I've had woman practically falling off of me before.

That's different.

Watching me get groped by fans doesn't upset you, but me waiting for a phone call from Mao sends you into a hissy fit? Right. Because that makes sense.

It's because you could care less about fan girls and random strangers. They never catch your attention. But here lately all you ever do is talk about Mao and it's driving me nuts!

I've only spoken to Mao like... Three times. Maybe four.

Liar. I can practically recited that bitch's schedule hour for hour and I've never spoken to him once.

...

And why the fuck are you so goddamn nice to the guy all the time? It's really creepy.

I have to be nice to him.

Because otherwise your new fucktoy doesn't put out?

Wow. How about we dial back the bitch fest by a thousand degrees and listen for once?

I'm waiting.

Mao is dating my sister Ruki. He is not, nor will he ever be, my fucktoy. But thank you for that nightmare fuel.

What? Mao's dating your sister!!!

Yes, that's what I wrote.

WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER!!!!

Because you wouldn't listen to me?

Bullshit! Here I am freaking out that you're leaving me because I see you two talking for hours on end!

We do not--

You didn't even get mad when he called you at nine in the morning! I'm not even allowed to do that without you bitching me out! And this whole time that ass has been dating your sister? Un-fucking-believable!!!

...

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

I still don't understand.

I'm not cheating on you!

Not about that, you dumbass! I'm talking about why you're so nice to him!

Oh, that. Yeah, my sister threatened to disown me if I scared off another boyfriend.

I thought that was your job as older brother?

I thought so too. Apparently, I took things too far last time.

Uh huh.

It was an accident?

So if Mao's dating your sister; why the fuck is he calling you all the time?

We were discussing apartments. My sister wants to move here but I refused to let them move in together so soon.

She can move in with us. We have a spare room.

No, my sister is not moving in with us.

Why not? I think it'd be fun having your sister around.

I'm not about to chance my baby sister overhearing us have sex or walking in on us in the bathroom.

Good point. So you guys are apartment hunting?

Yeah, but no luck so far.

Meaning you're being too picky and won't settle for something.

Lies.

What about the apartment building across from us? It's clean, secure, and close enough but everyone still has their own space?

How do you know about open apartments?

Reita was thinking about moving there.

...

Relax. He and Uruha decided to move into the same duplex. He's not moving across the street.

Thank Christ.

So, you're not leaving me for Mao?

What the fuck Ruki? No!

Are you sure?

Yes, now shut up about it already. I'm not leaving you so get over it.

I'm not sure whether to be happy about that or pissed at you for the way you said it.

How about being grateful with an urge to rush home to reward me with sex?

Why would I give you sex?

For staying with your whiny ass. Duh.

Ha, ha. No.

It was worth a shot.

After all this bullshit? Oh, hell no. You're sleeping on the couch tonight.

Beloved Sex God of my Wildest Fantasies! I beg mercy!

LOL

I had to suffer talking Toshiya through his first gay crisis. Please don't send me to the cold, lonely couch.

All right, you can sleep in the bed. But I refuse to give you sex. I'm still pissed about Mao.

corgi.jpg

LOL Fine! But you're doing all the work!

I can't wait.

Chapter Text

If Kai ever quits the band I have the perfect job for him.

Dare I ask what you have set up for him?

It's nothing bad.

I would call bullshit, but I'm curious.

They holding auditions for the role of one of the Power Rangers this month. I figured since Kai's so bouncy and into all the world peace shit he'd be perfect for the role.

Oh. My. God...

Great role model for the kids too.

LOL That is the funniest thing I have ever heard in my entire life! Hang on, I gotta tell the guys this!

I thought you'd like that.

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Oh, lord! That was priceless. Thank you so much for this! LMFAO

Really? That good, huh?

Kai's face. Just... This is one of the best moments of my life.

I'm surprised he didn't kill you for suggesting it to him.

Nah, I'm safe. Rei's the one he tried to kill however.

As happy as I am to hear that, why?

Because Reita always takes the joke too far. Poor Kai had no choice but to strangle him when Rei suggested he use our yearly break so that Kai could pose as the Purple Power Ranger. LOL

Now that just takes some of the fun out of it.

Huh, why?

Because the Purple Power Ranger was actually pretty cool. Unless you're talking about the latest Purple Ranger. Dino Chargers what absolutely stupid. Kai might actually improve the character.

Right.

...

If I didn't already know of your obsession for all things sci-fi or mecha related I would be concerned.

It's a good show.

Uh huh.

Whatever. Did you at least get pictures?

Of Kai's reaction to the news or him strangling Reita?

Both, but if we're picking favorites I'll take the strangulation photos please.

Of course. So how did you know that the Power Rangers were looking for a new actor? Did some director come to you asking if you could be the villain again?

Not for the Power Rangers. Though I was approached for a different movie.

Oh?

Forget it. They wanted me to be an extra for some mob movie but I turned them down. Why does everyone always want to cast me in roles where I die five minutes into the movie?

You have a face people want to put a bullet in?

...

Hey, I'm not the one boxing you into those kinds of stereotypes. I'm just pointing them out.

Well next time you can just keep those observations to yourself.

Sorry for your failed movie interview. Maybe someday your acting career with take off. LOL

It wasn't really an interview. I spent more time reading the damn posters in the guy's office than talking to the director. It's how I found out about the opening for the Power Rangers.

Does that mean you're on your way back now?

Not just yet. I was going to stop by the department store but Inoue insisted I meet with the film company first.

You're voluntarily going into a store with the intent to shop?

Yes...?

Are you feeling okay? No recent head injuries or sudden black outs?

I'm just picking up something I had ordered weeks ago.

You had something custom made? That's even more out of the ordinary. Do you need a hospital?

I'm fine. It's just a simple pick-up. I'm not actually going shopping.

Aren't you at least going to tell me what it is?

No.

Why not?

Because you'll see it when I show it to you.

So it's something for me?

Technically.

What does that mean? Either it's something for me or it's not.

It's for both of us, but mostly for you.

Oh, so you had them replicate your dick into a sex toy finally?

...

What? I've always wanted one like that.

No, Ruki. I didn't custom order a dildo in the shape of my penis.

But I could really use one for when we're on tour!

I refuse.

Damn!

 

~*~*~*~ Twenty Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

So... What did you order?

I'm not telling you.

But I want to know!

And I told you that you'll know when I show it to you.

Knowing you, you probably bought a Millennium Falcon model or Storm Trooper statue for some outrageous price.

Don't make fun of my collectables.

All they do is collect dust!

I'm still not telling you.

Fine, I'll just raid the apartment later tonight.

Like I'd be dumb enough to leave it in the apartment where you could find it.

Meaning you bought junk food instead. Here I am thinking you're hiding some dirty secret from me but instead it's just your obsession for KFC.

Fine! I bought a ring. There, happy.

Hardly. So you bought a ring? That's it?

Yes. A ring.

Why the hell wouldn't you just say so from the beginning?

Because it's for you.

Really? Aw, that's sweet. Wait! Did you actually order a ring for me or is it one of those cheap rings you get out of those dumb vending machines outside the store? Because if it is, I'll just throw it away.

...

Unless it's a mood ring, I might keep that.

You're retarded.

What? I was being honest. So what kind of ring did you get me?

You'll have to wait to see.

Why can't I have it now?

Because I don't want to give it to you now.

Never mind. I'll just pry it from you later.

Like hell you will.

Sure I will. All I have to do is wait until you fall asleep after sex tonight and then I'll have the next eighteen hours to search not only the apartment, but your car as well.

...

And you'd never know, old man.

I hate you.

I love you too. Now go back to finishing your beloved chicken, the future purple Power Ranger is calling me to finish my part of the recording.

...

Oh, and I'll be looking forward to tonight.

Brat. I'll see you later.

Yeah, yeah. Bye Kyo.

Chapter Text

Come hang out with me and the guys.

Was that supposed to be a request?

Will you come out if I make it a request?

No.

Then consider it an order.

I'm rebelling.

Just for a little bit? You haven't left the apartment in three days Kyo.

I don't like being around people.

I think you can handle drinking with us for a few hours.

I don't drink.

Well you're not going to be sipping air you big baby therefore you will be drinking, even if it's only water.

How nice. I'm allowed to sit at the big boy's table even without alcohol involved?

I'll be sure to put your water in a Sippy cup. Just to make you feel right at home.

I'd rather just stay home then, thank you very much.

That's not an option.

...

So are you coming or not?

You do know that having me along to any of your little parties is kind of counter-productive?

How so?

Because I'll just piss everybody off.

So long as you don't punch or bite anyone, I think we'll be okay.

Are you sure? I don't think anyone going enjoys arguing with me the way you do.

You can always just sit in the corner and glare at the wall. Grumbling all those insults to yourself. No harm done then!

Why are you pushing this so much?

Because you need to get out more.

I travel across the world for months at a time. I get out plenty.

Not what I meant.

...

Ugh. Fine. I just didn't want to be the only one going without a date tonight.

I refuse to go on a double date with any of your friends.

It's not a real date. We're just getting together with some of the guys from other bands and Kai offered to let everyone bring their partners since a lot of our parties tend to be private events.

So why not just go with your band? The lot of you can be loners together instead of forcing me to go out in public.

Because the guys are all bringing someone!

I find that hard to believe.

Okay, so Rei and Uru are planning to be stag buddies but Aoi and Kai are bringing their girlfriends!

Then tag along with the drunk and the dumbass.

I don't want to! I want you to come with me!

And I've already said no.

Kyo!

No. I'm not sitting around in some club just so you can impress people.

That's not why I want you there.

I call bullshit.

I just want to introduce you to a couple of people. They're good friends of mine and I would like them to really get to know you sometime this century.

Uh huh.

Would it kill you to do this one favor for me?

It might.

I'll make it up to you.

I'd be more convinced if I knew you'd actually make it up to me.

I will!

Liar. We both know that if I go that gives you a free pass to drink more because I'll be fine to drive us back. Which means you'll either be too drunk or tired for sex later.

I won't be drunk tomorrow.

No, you'll be hung over and bitchy. I'm not taking a chance on having my dick bitten off.

I promise I'll make it up to you. Please come?

...

Fine! Stay in your cave you damned old goat!

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Just go with Uruha and Reita. You'll have more fun without me raining on everyone's parade.

-*-*-*-*-

You're a real piece of shit, y'know that?

Fuck off Reita.

For once in your life do you think you could just pretend to be a decent human being?

I said fuck off.

 

~*~*~*~ Fifteen Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Damn it Ruki. Answer your phone.

 

-*-*-*-*-

Seconds before he heard the sound of the front door opening, Kyo noticed Koron jump up from his bed in the corner of the room. Those tiny feet doing double time as the small dog rushed to the door which could mean only one thing; Ruki was home.

On the one hand, Kyo was still pissed at him for ignoring his texts but he also knew how upset Ruki got whenever he refused to spend time with his friends. It's not so much that he couldn't get along with them, he got along with Ruki's band just fine; except for Reita. It's just... The rest of Ruki's friends.

Kyo had never really been a fan of people who acted different depending on who was around, but unfortunately Ruki seems to attract a lot of those kinds of friends. He especially didn't like the way certain people treated Ruki when they were out together and Kyo hated watching that. Seeing people that Ruki thought of as good people whisper behind his back how he must be crazy or stupid for wanting to be with someone as heartless as Kyo. It's not like they were subtle with their stares and fake smiles.

He'd overheard enough conversations between Ruki's supposed friends to know that none of them thought they were a good pair. Hell, a few had even told Kyo straight to his face. It was always something new; he didn't treat Ruki right, they fought too much, Kyo wasn't as invested in the relationship, even some that claimed their relationship was toxic. None of them could seem to get it through their thick skulls that they were happy the way they were. And that they actually wanted to be together, they have for years now.

And then those same assholes had the gall to turn around and tell him how amazing they thought he was or how emotionally moving his music was. How inspirational is was to so many of them. God how it pissed him off. The ass kissing. He wasn't good enough as a man to be with Ruki, but as a music icon he could do no wrong and instead it was Ruki would was seen as the lesser because the Gazette wasn't as world-wide. Yet.

Sadly, it was a double edge sword Kyo lives daily. Because these same people were Ruki's friends, granted they were two-faced suck-ups, but they were still Ruki's friends. And Ruki loved spending time with them; just not when Kyo was around. Because he knew. He knew the moment they spotted him there would be the whispers and the looks. Those odd comments made here or there to poke at the subconcious but never really say it outright.

So no, he wasn't going. And no amount of pouting or blackmail on Ruki's end is going to get him to move from this couch. And he was prepared to say as much. Had his argument all planned and ready for when Ruki stepped into the room to yell at him.

Only Ruki never came into the room.

Instead, Kyo pretended to be watching some afternoon TV drama while he was focusing all his limited hearing on what Ruki was doing.

"Hey sweetie," Ruki cooed to Koron. From the lacking of clicking on the floor, Kyo assumes Ruki was carrying Koron through the house as he continued to talking to the dog in his baby voice. The words becoming muffled the further away Ruki got until Kyo lost him as he went into their bedroom.

Ruki probably wanted to put his stuff down before he came to give Kyo the third degree. Which Kyo approved of wholeheartedly. The less objects Ruki had in his immediate area to potentially throw at Kyo the better. He'll just continue to wait here until Ruki's ready to start yelling.

Ten minutes pass and Ruki still hasn't entered the room. By now the show Kyo had been pretending to watch had ended and some game show had started playing. Not that Kyo cared. Still focused on trying to listen in to what Ruki could be up to. So far, the younger man hadn't left the bedroom which was fine, Ruki could sulk in there all he wanted, but Kyo's anxious. Ruki's never run away from fighting for what he wants with Kyo and this silence has Kyo worried that his lover's going through his closet with a pair of scissors again.

Just as he's about standing up and go find Ruki, Kyo hears first Koron scrambling out into the hall and then Ruki's soft footsteps as he crosses the hall into the bathroom. The sound of the water turning on is loud but quick and once again the apartment is back in silence. Kyo slowly relaxes back into the couch cushions hoping that Ruki will finally make his appearance.

After a brief period of time in the bathroom, Kyo hears Ruki return to the bedroom for a quick moment and then he hears the sound of heels on hardwood. Immediately, Kyo is up and following the sound of Ruki heading to the door. Because the only time Ruki wears high heels to go out is when he's dressed to kill and it obviously isn't for Kyo's benefit.

"Ruki," Kyo snaps. Catching the brunet just as he's pulling on his jacket.

"I'll be back later Kyo." Ruki calmly says as he continued to fix his jacket, refusing to turn and face Kyo. Satisfied with the way the jacket sits, Ruki reaches over and pulls his keys from the hook by the door but before he can take another step Kyo has his wrist in hand. Tugging his lover closer to him.

"Ruki," he says again, more like pleads.

With a deep sigh that sounded more upset than Kyo wanted to hear, Ruki turned around to face okay. And Kyo had been right. Ruki had dressed to the nines. He'd even put on makeup for a supposed party with friends. He never did that when he hung out with either of their bands, just these friends. "It's fine Kyo. I know you don't want to go, so--"

Cutting off whatever plaiditude Ruk was going to try to feed him, Kyo pressed his lover back against the door with a harsh kiss.

"Kyo--"

"You look amazing by the way."

Ruki laughes and the sound is just a touch to raw for Kyo's liking. "You haven't even really looked at my outfit long enough to know."

"I don't need to see your clothes to know you're beautiful Ruki." Kyo scoffs. And there it is, that sweet little smile Ruki has, just for him. The sight of it makes Kyo heart jump and he can't resist trying to capture it with his own lips. Enjoying the sound of Ruki's pleased hum as they continue trading caste kisses back and forth.

Pulling away after a moment, Kyo steps back to admire that happy smile on Ruki's flushed face. His hand unconciously rising up to gentle run his thumb over the satin smooth skin of Ruki's face, feeling a smile of his own spreading at the feeling of Ruki pressing into his hand seeking more of his touch. Right then Kyo knew. "Give me five minutes."

"Huh?" Ruki blinked in confusion.

"I have to get dressed if I'm going to take you out drinking with your friends." Kyo smirked.

"You mean you're actually going to come with me?" Ruki asked in such surprise that Kyo nearly winced, knowing Ruki was that shocked because of his actions. Ruki truly believed Kyo would never want to go out with him.

"If you don't want me to anymore--"

"No!" Ruki practically screamed. "I mean... Yes, I want you to come with me. Please?"

Instead of answering, Kyo leaned forward and gave Ruki another sweet kiss. Which turned into a half a dozen, but when he pulled back finally the smile on Ruki's face was worth it. "Five minutes." He reminded Ruki before pulling away and heading towards their bedroom.

"Okay," Ruki whispered. Biting his lip so that he would squeal like a twelve year old girl with her first crush.

"But I'm not talking to anyone!" Kyo yelled from inside the bedroom.

"Okay!" Ruki yelled back, smiling like an idiot. "Whatever you say Kyo!"

Chapter Text

Are you busy right now?

Always, but depending on what you want I may be completely free.

I need your help finding something.

Uh, no?

What do mean no?

I can't exactly help you find something right now. I'm kind of across the country right now. Little hard to search our apartment from this distance.

Yeah, I realize that smartass.

Well then how you do you expect me to help you, you old fart!?

Call me that one more time and I won't hesitate to scrape out your insides with a rusty spoon.

Okay. Apparently someone's in a bad mood.

...

So what can I help you with Mr. Fossil?

...

Come on. You can do it. Ask for my help!

How much coffee have you had today?

Eh, maybe five cups? I'm currently finishing off... whatever the hell Uruha had in his cup. Not quite sure what it is, it's really strong, but really delicious.

Jesus. He puts alcohol in his coffee and now you're drunk and overly caffeinated.

I'm not drunk.

Just overly caffeinated?

Yes!

...

Shut up. We've been working hard on our live shows, I'm allowed to consume excess amounts of caffeine to make it through the week.

Having trouble sleeping?

I've had a headache for nearly two days. Sleeping doesn't help, nor pain medicine, so it's been no sleep and caffeine for the past seventy-two hours.

Ruki.

I'm fine. I know my limits.

Are you at least resting in between shows?

I'm watching the guys play Duck, Duck, Goose with the stage hands if that counts?

I'm surprised Kai let you guys have fun with less than an hour to go before the show.

I may have set him on a wild goose chase so we could all have some breathing room.

...

Yeah, I should probably make myself scarce soon. He's probably on his way back and I don't want him taking my phone again.

Do you still have a free moment to help me?

Oh, yeah! I forgot you originally texted me for help.

So y'know how you cleaned up the apartment last weekend?

Yeah and...?

And how you rearranged the whole goddamned apartment for no fucking reason?

I didn't like the layout of the furniture.

You didn't like the layout... of the furniture?

No. Everything just seemed so cluttered and dark. Even rearranging everything didn't really help.

...

Don't worry. When I get back we'll renovate the apartment.

What? Why?!

Because the apartment is ugly and I can't stand the sight of it anymore?

There's nothing wrong with it!

Oh, there is about a million things wrong with it. But that's fine. I'll fix it when I get back.

I wish you'd just left it alone. I haven't been able to find anything since you left!

Is that why you're texting me? You can't find one measly item?

It's important.

Fine. What is it I supposed lost that you can't live without?

My notebook.

Which notebook? You have like a hundred of them.

The green one with the white-out spilled on the cover.

Oh, you mean your diary?

It's not a diary.

Uh huh. Still, I didn't still it when I rearranged the apartment. Maybe you left it at the studio?

I've already looked.

Your car?

Not there.

Did you leave it in your bag?

Just tell me where the hell you put it.

Why the hell would I know where your diary is?

It's not a diary!

Well, do you remember where it was before your not-diary vanished?

I don't remember.

Okay. Could you at least guess where you last put the book?

Like I said; I DON'T REMEMBER. Besides it wouldn't be where I thought anyway.

Well, jeez! If you know it wouldn't be where you thought it was, then obviously you know where it is. Duh!

Ugh! I'm going to strangle you if you don't stop it. And it's not going to be where it should be because you fucking rearranged the whole goddamned house WITHOUT telling me.

You've managed to find everything else just fine. You can't blame me for you losing your own shit. Also, while we're on the subject; do you want a blue or green tone for the living room? I think I leaned more towards blue but I wanted to get your opinion.

What the fuck Ruki? I could a give shit about what color the fucking walls are! I just want my notebook.

Damn, you're a grouch today.

I wouldn't have to be if you 8O[A; VA3 +VD;AFbith

What the hell was that last part?! That didn't even make sense.

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

Are you going to answer me?

 

~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

You can't seriously be blaming me for this? It's not my fault you lost your book.

Sorry. I needed to break something and I figured you be pissed if I broke my phone again.

Oh, God. What did you break? Not anything important I hope?

I can replace it.

Oh, good. You go ahead and do that.

...

Relax, Kyo. Seriously. Your diary will turn up eventually and if you haven't found it by next week we'll set aside a whole day and look for it together when I get back. Okay?

Fine.

Great. Now I have to go. Kai's back and you need to go out and replace whatever the hell you just broke. Call you later?

Yeah, I'll call you after the live. Thanks for... Thanks.

Any time. Love you Kyo.

Love you too.

 

-*-*-*-*-

Putting down his phone, Ruki took a peek over his shoulder to make sure Kai wasn't looking anymore before reaching down into his messenger bag to pull out a very familiar green notebook. Now that the irrated band leader had noticed the game going on behind him Ruki was no longer his main focus after his cruel trick earlier. Chances are Kai would forget all about Ruki's existence as he chases down the rest of the band members in anger.

Letting an evil grin spread across his lips, Ruki laughed silently to himself as he opened the notebook to a random page. Armed with a highlighter Ruki began marking sections of hand-written words without actually reading them because the purpose of this wasn't to read Kyo's inner thoughts. This was all about giving his lover a shock after that prank he pulled with Ruki's luggage before he left for their small tour.

This ought to teach that asshole not to mess with his clothes ever again.

Chapter Text

Hello Ruki-kun! How are you this morning?

Kai! It's Sunday!

Eh! Well, yes. It is Sunday. Is this a bad time? Should I text or call back later?

Remember how we had that discussion about not asking us to work on Sundays no matter how much you think it'll improve production? For the safety of your health and my happiness?

Oh! No, it's okay, Ruki-kun. That's not why I was texting. :)

It wasn't?

Nope. No work today.

Oh. Well, that's great! Fantastic even.

So not a bad time?

Nah, you're good.

Great! I was wondering if you and Kyo-san would be interested in joining us, Maya-chan and I that is, on a double date tonight.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Really? But I thought it'd be a great chance for everyone.

First off, Kyo would never agree to it.

Ah. Well... I can't say I'm surprised. But I thought if I asked early enough you might be able to convince him by tonight?

True. I could probably talk him into it.

Great! So we'll see you guys tonight?

What? No!

:( Why not?

Aside from the fact that Kyo would never agree to a double date?

Yes...?

Let's see... There's the chance that Kyo might scare off your girlfriend, whether on purpose or by accident is hard to tell with him sometimes. Or Kyo and I combined might scare her off. We're not exactly the ideal couple to invite to double dates.

Yes, that is true. I'm not discounting that possibility but I'd still like you to come.

So you know your date might run out of the restaurant screaming her head off and yet you still want to invite us?

Yes?

Okay. What's wrong?

I don't know what you're talking about Ruki-kun.

You wouldn't willingly subject your girlfriend to Kyo and I unless something was wrong.

That is extremely rude Ruki-kun. You and Kyo-san are amazing people and anyone would be lucky to meet you both.

You're sweet but you're lying.

No, I'm not.

Could it be that you're trying to get rid of your girlfriend?

What? No!

Kai.

There's nothing wrong Ruki-kun!

Don't make me get Kyo.

I'm nervous!

You're nervous? Nervous about what?

It's just... Maya-chan and I have been together for a while now and things have been progressing.

Aw! Are you proposing?

What? No! No no no no no! It's WAY too early for us. I mean, I don't even know if Maya-chan feels that strongly about us and I wouldn't want to rush into anything.

Good thing too. Kyo isn't exactly the most emotional person to have present for such a celebration.

I'm not proposing!

LOL Okay, so you're not proposing. What exactly are you going to be doing at this dinner that would make you nervous and require US as back-up?

It's nothing serious! I've just been slowly introducing Maya-chan to all my closest friends. I want her to feel comfortable with everyone and I thought if we met in a public setting Kyo-san wouldn't be as prone to violence or making anyone cry.

Meaning you want everyone's approval of her before you propose?

I'm not proposing!!! I just want us all to go out and have a nice, comfortable... Possibly romantic dinner.

It's admirable that you would sacrifice your night to try and get Kyo to be semi-romantic to me, but I don't think it'll work.

Why not?

Because Kyo would rather stay home and do bastardly things.

Bastardly things!?

Yeah. Y'know practicing his glares in the mirror, working on his growls and evil cackles, scaring small children... The usual.

Oh my. I hadn't realized Kyo-san was so... So um...

Evil?

Yes.

LOL

I mean no! Oh, God. I'm so sorry!! I didn't realize what I had agreed to. I didn't mean to say he was evil or cruel or anything like that!

It's okay Kai. I call him things like that all the time and he returns the favor. They're pet names to us.

PET NAMES!?

Yep.

I'm so sorry Ruki-kun! If I had known that your relationship was so bad I never would have asked you about the double date, I don't want you guys to fight on my behalf.

Nah, it's fine. We choose to be asses to each other, makes the sex so MUCH better.

I really didn't need to know that Ruki-kun.

Oh, yeah sorry.

So does that mean you guys won't be coming tonight?

Eh. I can ask him, but are you really sure you want us to come?

I may end up regretting this decision. Then again, I want Maya-chan to get to know everyone and I know you two would be good friends if given the chance. Maybe even with Kyo-san as well.

Okay. I'll ask him. He'll probably say no anyway.

If he truly doesn't want to come you don't have to force him Ruki-kun. We can always plan for a different day.

We'll see.

-*-*-*-*-
"No,"

Taking a swipe at the older man's head for his sarcastic tone, Ruki scoffed. "You don't even know what I was going to ask."

"You've been given me the side-eye since you started texting whoever that was. I assume it had something to do with me." Kyo says with a roll of his eyes.

"Kai text me," Ruki started off carefully but Kyo simply ignored him to continue watching his movie. "He wanted to know if we'd like to go on a double date with him and his girlfriend tonight."

"Are they breaking up?" Kyo asks, confused.

"That's what I said!" Ruki laughs. "No, apparently Kai wants to introduce her to all his closest friends."

"And that includes me?" Kyo asked with a quirked eyebrow aimed at Ruki. Which, okay, was fair enough. Aside from Shinya, Ruki didn't know anyone that would willing claim Kyo as a close friend.

"It's a simple dinner with friends?" Ruki tried with a hopeful smile. When Kyo simply continued to glare at him Ruki sighed in disappointment. "Yeah, I know. I told Kai you wouldn't want to go anyway but he insisted I ask. I'll just text him back to let him know."

"Did you want to go?" Kyo suddenly piped up making Ruki pause in the middle of his message.

Blinking in surprise, Ruki opened his mouth to answer but found he had no answer. Actually, he hadn't really thought about it. The invitation had been for both of them and Ruki knew immediately Kyo wouldn't want to go so he just assumed he wouldn't be going. It wasn't even a matter of if he wanted to or not. Kyo wasn't going, therefore he wasn't.

Ugh. It made him sound like so pathetic, like he couldn't make a decision unless his boyfriend approved.

"I don't know. Maybe," he shrugged.

For a long moment the two just stared at each other. Or Kyo stared at Ruki while he fiddled with his phone and tried not to meet Kyo's accusing stare. It was starting to make Ruki feel a little uncomfortable. After another minute of silence, Ruki turned let out of huff of annoyance and decided to finish his message he'd been typing earlier only to have his phone snatched away by nimble fingers. "Hey!"

Ignoring Ruki's outcry and then his glare, Kyo quickly scrolled through the texts he and Kai had exchanged before typing in his own response. The phone immediately buzzed with an reply to which Kyo answered before slamming the phone closed and tossing it back at Ruki.

"Be ready at six," Kyo stated plainly as he turned back to his movie.

"What?" Ruki said in surprise. Quickly opening up his phone to see that Kyo had agreed to the double date and Kai had confirmed with the time and address. "We're actually going?"

Taking the phone out of Ruki's hand once again, Kyo tossed the device gently onto the coffee table before taking up his lover's empty hand. After some tugging and pulling Kyo finally got Ruki comfortably settled in his lap with a command, "Yep. Now shut up and let me finish my movie already."

Knowing he probably wasn't going to get more than that out of Kyo anytime soon, Ruki snuggled further into strong arms and decided to let it go. There's every chance possible that Kyo was going to use this as a means to getting something else he wanted, but Ruki couldn't think of what that might be. Easier just to enjoy the moment than start a fight with Kyo... for now.

Chapter Text

Kyo?

Ugh.

Hey, that's no way to start off the conversation!

Yes it is. Why couldn't you bother someone else for a change?

That's the weird thing though, the only person I seem to want to ever bother is you.

...

Right, so back to what I was saying.

I'm going to ignore you.

No, you won't.

Yes, I will.

If you had wanted to ignore me you wouldn't have answered in the first place.

...

Oh, I so got you there.

You can have me somewhere else too.

Tempting, but you'll have to save it for later old man.

Brat.

Y'know if you keep glaring at the phone long enough I'm sure it'll eventually explode.

One can only hope.

Of course, knowing your luck you'd finally get your mobile to explode just as security is passing by and get thrown in jail for supposedly trying to blow up the building.

...

Please don't. I really don't want to waste money on bail this week.

Then I guess I'll just have to glare at them and hope it won't take as long.

Already contemplating murder this early in the day?

What can I say... It's been really bad day.

Aw, don't worry Kyo. It'll all be worth it soon.

Please tell me you spent the money for my bail on skimpy outfits and sex toys.

You wish.

Damn.

No, I just wanted to text ahead of time to let you know Kai has officially sent us on vacation. I would have called but someone refused to answer the phone.

And I needed to know that why?

Because I wanted to tell you. That and I was hoping to catch you before you left the studio.

Again, why?

So we could have celebratory sex in the conference room.

I can turn around.

I was kidding.

Tease.

No, I needed to do something at the main building anyway.

What the hell do you need to do at the main building if it doesn't involve sex with me?

You've caught me. I'm having an affair with Die.

Ugh.

Please don't joke about that.

Ever.

Uh... Okay?

It just hits a little too close to the truth.

Do I even what to know what you're talking about?

Let's just say that after your Inside Beast PV came out, Die has been a little obsessed with you lately.

Oh god. Really?

Yep. He went through a similar phase with Shinya years ago.

Eww! That's super creepy and actually makes me happy for once that we work in separate buildings.

Lucky you. If Kaoru hadn't stepped in when he did, I would have decked him.

What? Why?!

No one gets to talk about how good you look in tight clothes. That and I was sick of hearing him fawn all over you.

My hero.

...

Anyway, I have to go. I still need to talk with some people at Firewall. Except now I'm scared I'll run into Die, so thanks for that.

You still never said why you're there.

Why do you think?

I don't know. That's why I asked smartass.

LOL

Just answer the fucking question.

Aw. No need to get so angry Kyo. I was just going to see if I could get management to agree to let you guys take your break a week ahead of schedule.

Why?

To maximize the amount of time we have for the most sex possible?

...

I might even consider getting those new toys you've been after me to try.

Even the Kitty set.

No. I refuse to do that one.

Why not? I think you'd make an adorable kitten.

There are things even I won't do and having sex with you dressed as a cat is one.

You don't mind cross-dressing for sex but cats is where you draw the line?

I refuse to allow you any chance to become a furry. You're weird enough as you are.

It's just a little pet play, maybe some master/slave. I promise we won't go any further than that.

I don't trust it or you for that matter.

Just think about it before you say no?

Okay...

Really?

No.

I hate you.

Besides, this pet play is way too one side. I have to be both pet and slave?

That's usually how this goes.

No, thank you. Besides, I might make a cute kitten but I don't think there's an animal in existence that will be even remotely close to you. Not that you'd ever willingly play the part of my pet.

I could always be something else? Doesn't have to be an animal.

Fine. I'll think about it. Now stop distracting me. I'm already late meeting with management.

What? You're really going to through with it?

Yes. When have I ever not gone through with something I promised?

It's just a week Ruki. And it's not like I'm on tour or anything, we'll still see each other. We can wait that long.

Well, I don't want to wait.

You know the only way they'll let it happen is if I go back to work a week ahead of time, maybe more.

What's this? Are you actually giving me advice? It's almost like you're eager to have me all to yourself for the next month.

That's beside the point.

I know and I already thought of a way around that. I'm determined to get you a month off even if it means becoming a terrorist.

Please don't. We agreed we need the money for new toys.

LOL

At least you'll be driving someone else, other than me, insane for once.

But I like taking rides on you, Kyo. There so... Breathtaking.

...

This is going to be so much fun! Can you just imagine all the things we'll finally be able to do now? The sleep, the sex, the shopping!

Whoa! Before you even starting fantasizing about all those shops you're going to raid, I'd like to remind you we're going to Kyoto first.

What! Why? Not that I don't like Kyoto, but that was kind of out of the blue Kyo.

And you call me forgetful.

Fuck you! I don't remember you saying anything about us going to Kyoto first, so nah!

Very mature. And how could you forget? You were gushing like a school girl for a week straight about it.

I still get excited when you remember to do the dishes Kyo, you'll have to be more specific.

...

So it was something recent that has to do with Kyoto? Something I've probably been hounding you to do for awhile now...? Hmm.

...

Unless you're talking about finally going to see your family, I'm drawing a blank.

Bingo.

What? Really!?

Yep.

You're taking me to meet your family!? As in your parents and your siblings?

Yep.

Oh my God! FINALLY!

...

Okay, what do you want?

What?

You wouldn't agree to this unless you wanted something big. So what is it? What are you after?

Your soul.

You're sweet, but I already sold that for the shoes I'm wearing.

Fine. I'll settle for your heart.

God, you're such a dork sometimes.

Says the man who wanted to get engaged despite not being allowed to get married.

Had to stake my claim over you somehow after you vetoed getting my name tattooed on your ass.

I hadn't realized you were into branding Ruki. You sadist.

What can I say, I'm a romantic at heart. And you need to stop distracting me. I have a meeting to get to if I want to get you guys free sometime this century.

Fine. I'll see you when you get home?

Yeah, I'll see you then.

 

~*~*~*~ One Hour Later ~*~*~*~

 

So does that mean I'm allowed to get the Kitten set for you?

No.

Damn!

But I'll let you get the Puppy set.

Really?

But you're wearing the collar.

Yes master.

LOL

Chapter Text

Hey! Yo, blond man. Kyo-dude.

...

What kind of response is that?
I've never seen that kind of emoticon before.
Is that supposed to be what a tiny man like you is supposed to look like surprised?
Oh! Like the face is super tiny! Like you! OOHHH! I get it now. Cool! Kyo has his own emote! That is so freaking awesome~ I wish I had one!

Who the hell is this?

Guess!!

A dead man.

^_^;; I'm sensing some hostility. LOL

You have sixty seconds to come up with a damn good explanation for why you have my boyfriend's phone or else.

Or else what? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You'll be praying the cops get to you before I do because there will be no mercy once I find you.

Whoa! Chill! It's just us dude!!!

Who is 'us'?

Aoi, Uruha, and Reita!!! Duh!

And the reason you have Ruki's phone is because...?

Uhh. For fun? ^_^;;;

So... Do you prefer a slow and painful death or something quick and painless?

Okay. o.o I'm kinda terrified right now.
Yeah, dude. Serial killer much?

I have yet to hear a damn good reason for you fuckers stealing Ruki's phone to text me. All this conversation has accomplished thus far was give me more time and reason to plan your deaths.

O.O

In very graphic detail. What to hear about?

T____T NOOOOO!!!

Explain. Now.

Wah~ I don't wanna talk to you anymore!
Seriously, you don't have to be so creepy! We just wanted to ask you something real quick. JESUS!

And you couldn't simply ask Ruki for my number? You had to steal his phone?

But we've all tried.
Yeah!! You ignored all of our calls and texts! How is anyone supposed to talk to you if always ignore them!?!? >_<

Apparently I was saving myself from idiotic simpletons.

You're an ass!

...

Seriously! What does '...' mean? Is that really your own emoticon?
Figures he'd create his own emote. Probably doesn't even know how to talk to people because that involves talking to, y'know, normal people. He only operates in obscure proverbs and symbolism. 9_9

Who just wrote that?

I started(URUHA) then Reita took over the phone like the big meanie he is! XP

So you two really are that stupid? I had wondered.

Why would you think we're stupid?! /)O__O(\
That's not a nice thing to say to someone Kyo-san! Also, using the same emote over and over again isn't helping right now since none of us are familiar with its meaning.
Maybe if you weren't such a JERK we wouldn't be having this conversation!?!

Jesus.

What?! Jesus why?

"..." Is not an emote or an emoticon like you retards keep thinking. It's called an ellipsis which usually indicates an intentional omission of a word, sentence, or a whole section from a text.

Sooooo that means, what? You're leaving stuff out of your texts? Are we supposed to guess what it means whenever we see one?

...

I DON'T GET IT!!!! >_<

Okay, fine. I'll use layman's terms for those of lower intelligence. I write an ellipsis instead of a worded response because I feel the conversation can be advanced without any particular input from me. Or whenever I don't want to talk. Like right now.

OHHHH!
You're so weird and that didn't explain what all your ellipsises mean AT ALL.
If I'm understanding this right, doesn't that mean that you use an ellipsis like most people use emotes or emoticons in messages?

...

Like Uruha tends to use emoticons to express himself because he can't find the right words but it still gets the point across?
SOOOOO? "..." Really is a Kyo emote? ^_^ That's so cool!

I suddenly find myself with a burning desire to break my phone and never buy a new one.

O.O Don't do that!!!!! We have questions!

Oh, god. No.

Is something wrong Kyo-san?
Yeah, he's a raging lunatic.

Fuck off. All of you. I'm not answering anymore of your questions.

But KYOOOOO~ They're about Ruru-chan!

Who?

Jesus! He doesn't even know his own boyfriend's name!
OKAY!!! How about we calm down and have a nice NORMAL conversation for a little while. After all, we did not risk our necks to steal Ruki's phone so that you two cock suckers could have a battle of wits!!

Blondie's at a severe disadvantage if he thinks he can have a battle of wits with me.

You know what!!

No, I don't know What but I heard he's a nice guy. Lots of people talk about him.

I don't get it again. T_T

Was that too much? Should I try a blond joke instead?

IT WAS A RETORICAL QUESTION JACKASS!!! Now I understand why Ru's always going on about how much of a bastard you are to everyone, including him!!

...

Just who do you think you are, thinking you can treat everyone like shit?!

I'm Kyo. And I don't treat Ruki any worse than he deserves or likes.

Bullshit!!!
MOVING ON NOW!

...

Right. Kyo-san. The reason we stole Ruki's phone was to talk to you because we're a little concerned.

I'd say you're more disturbed; but again, I don't see what the fuck this has to do with me.

Because it's Ruki we're
YOU'RE THE FUCKING PROB
WE
We, as a group, are worried about our friend Ruki. And as Reita tried to say we think you're the problem.

You think I'm the problem?

WE KNOW YOU AR
We just wanted to ask a few questions and then we'll leave you alon
Are you actually insane!? Like, legit insane? Because let me tell you man I have heard some rumors!! LOL

Only on days that end with a 'y'.

Really? 0.0

No, you dumbass.

Oh. Ah, too bad because
What WE meant to ask was what your intentions towards Ruki are?

My intentions?

Yes, we wish to understand just what you intend
Meaning we want to know if you're only after Ruru's ass? Because if that's true, y'know there's hardly anything there right? Like, he's like just a straight: | No butt there! XD

Yes, I'm very much aware of just what Ruki's ass is like.

Haha! Yeah, I guess you would kno
Intentions! What are your intentions!?

Well, since you asked so nicely I'll tell you. I intend to fuck Ruki on a regular basis and then afterwards I intend to ignore him and do something productive with my life.

YOU'RE SUCH A DICK! I CAN'T BELIEVE RUKI WOULD
Adn=oib.al

...

kd23.an['~waryoi

Have you morons gone retarded on me?

 

~*~*~*~Five minutes later~*~*~*~

 

Sorry. Reita kept trying to steal the phone to cuss you out so we locked him in the recording booth.

Ah.

YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR HOW YOU'RE TREATING RUKI! YOU ASSHOLE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING

Spoke too soon. He's still cussing me out. Though I guess this could be considered a good thing as I now know which unknown number I need to block so I never have to talk to you fools again.

Well, he does have a point Kyo-san. Ruki's one of my closest friends.
Yeah, he should have a cool, kickass boyfriend!
And I won't stand by and let you continue hurting him with your verbal abuse and uncaring ways.

Are you implying you're breaking us up?

If that is what must happen to ensure Ruki's mental health, then yes. I never wanted to take the choice from Ruki
He just has really bad taste in men! Poor Ruru!!
But he deserves someone better, even if he doesn't believe it himself, and you're definitely not what's good for him right now.

I really don't have the energy to deal with this bullshit right now.

AND THEN I'LL BURN YOUR EYES FROM THEIR SOCKETS SO YOU NEVER HAVE THE CHANCE TO LOOK AT HIM AGAIN!
Kyo-san? Are you there?
ANSWER ME YOU ASSHOLE!
Yo! KYO~
Kyo-san!?

 

-*-*-*-*-

"I found your phone," Kyo grumbled as he made his way over to the couch before throwing himself down. Carefully managing his descent so that his head landed in Ruki's lap with the added bonus of drawing the other man's attention away from the book he had been quietly reading.

"Really? Where was it?" Ruki asked in surprise as he looked down on Kyo's grimacing face. Using one finger to hold his place, Ruki brought his other hand up to run his fingers through Kyo's hair. Noticing immediately that Kyo's hair was already messed up as if his lover had been tugging or combing through it roughly already. Even without the face of annoyance Kyo sported, Ruki could tell that the other man was on edge and well on his way to being pissed. "What's wrong? Is my phone broken or something?"

"No. Though I wish more than ever that it was right now." Kyo gripped.

"What? Why?"

"Because your idiotic band mates decided to steal it so they could text me. Apparently they wanted to know what my intentions are. You can tell them I said to fuck off. Politely, of course." Kyo hissed with a roll of his eyes.

Choking on his shock, Ruki wasn't sure if he should be laughing or getting angry at the situation. Sure, it was nice of the guys to be looking out for him but stealing his phone to corner Kyo wasn't exactly how he thought they'd go about something like that. If ever. When he asked for what else was said, Kyo simply reached into his pocket and handed his phone over to Ruki so he could read for himself what all was said. Kyo had already given up on the whole thing and wanted nothing more to do with it. Let Ruki handle his retarded friends because Kyo's solution right now would only lead to tears and blood noses.

"Ah, don't worry about the band Kyo." Ruki smiled after typing out a quick message on Kyo's phone to his own. Leaning down to place a kiss on the other singer's forehead before running his hand through long hair once again. "I'll make sure to straighten them out later."

"You better."

Chapter Text

Hey, Ruki?

Gah! Damn you to the fiery pits of hell!

Hello to you too.

Ugh! You have the worst timing possible, y'know that? God!

I do now. So what'd I interrupt?

My staring contest with Uruha.

What?

My staring contest with Uruha.

I saw what you wrote the first time, brat!

Then why the hell did you ask?!

I wanted you to clarify obviously.

Obviously it wasn't obvious, dumbass!

Don't you have more important things to be doing?

We're taking a short break. Not that you care.

...

Just had to go and ruin everything, like usual.

Are you actually mad at me? You weren't even doing anything vital!

Lies! This contest was very vital.

Dare I ask why?

Because now Uruha is in the lead!

What?

We were supposed to tie on this round but now he's up by 2 and this is all your fault!

...

And what do you have to say for yourself?!

I'm dating a moron.

Hey! You were the one who text me, buddy!

Yes, that was an unfortunate error on my part. I think I'll just going to go back to what I wasn't doing.

Oh, no you don't! You're not getting away that easily.

But this is my first time voluntarily texting you, babe. I'm allowed some leeway for bad timing.

You didn't even tell me what you wanted!

Didn't I?

Hell, no! Better type fast old man because I want to know right now what was so important you had to break your daily vow of silence to text me.

I do not have a daily vow of silence.

Close enough. Now spill.

...

Kyo!

I'm bored.

What?

I'm bored.

You text me to tell me you're bored?

Yes.

Why?

Because there's nothing to do at the house.

So you wanna do me? I can leave early.

...

Aww, c'mon. You said you're bored.

What makes you think I wanted to spend the time with you?

You texted me.

Point.

Y'know what I wanna do?

No.

Rhetorical question, asshole. Anyway, I'd love to just rush home and take off all my clothes.

Really?

Oh, yes. And then I'd like to spend the rest of the day in bed doing all the naughtiest things that come to mind.

...

Interested?

Maybe.

Well too bad! You can simply find something else to do since you OBVIOUSLY don't want to spend your time with me.

That's cruel.

That's life.

What if I said I changed my mind?

Oh, really?

It could get pretty lonely having all that fun by yourself.

That is true.

I could always lend you a hand or two. Maybe give you a massage to help you relax more?

Mmmm. That sounds really nice right about now.

You want to know what I want to do?

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Ruki?

 

~*~*~*~Fifteen Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Ruki!

 

~*~*~*~Five Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Damn you, you fucking tease!

 

-*-*-*-*-

"Who said I was teasing?" Ruki called from the entrance of the hallway.

"Holy shit!" Kyo cried out. Nearly dropping his phone as he flailed around on the couch in fright at the sudden appearance of his lover. Spinning around to glare at the brunet standing behind him looking smug, Kyo couldn't help but grumble. "You left the moment I said I was bored, didn't you?"

"I might have left earlier than that." Ruki hummed as he walked towards the blond with desire filled eyes. As soon as he reached Kyo, Ruki used his hands against the older man's chest to push him down to lay flat on the couch. Quickly straddling him as Ruki followed Kyo with hungry kisses.

Kyo couldn't help the smug smile that crossed his lips at seeing how worked up Ruki already was with just a little teasing. "Thought you wanted to spend the rest of the day in bed?"

"Well, I figured since you're already here..."

Chapter Text

Kyo, my sweet deluded little minion.

I don't like this conversation already.

Relax. I promise there will be no bodily harm provided to tell me just one thing...

Uh... I love you?

Try again.

You're the most beautiful and smartest person in the world?

Really good guess, but that's not what I want to hear right now.

Why do I feel like my life is on the line right now? I haven't done anything lately.

appleunibody.jpg

Oh.

Yeah.

I have to admit I was not expecting you to find out about that so quickly.

You wrapped it in a plastic bag and tried to stuff it in the garbage bin. You couldn't even close the lid all the way because it was sticking out that much. Of course, I found it!

Okay, so not the best hiding spot. But I was under the impression you weren't going to be home until later and by then I would have successfully hidden any evidence.

Oh, so sorry I ruined your attempt to get away with murder by coming home early!

Exactly! You cheated!

Kyo.

...

Mind telling me why you murdered the laptop?

It was an accident. I swear.

Oh, good. Because that makes it all better. "I'm sorry Kai, your laptop is completely destroyed along with all of your work on it. But it's okay, Kyo swears it was an accident."

...

This is just great. I'm supposed to give him back the laptop tomorrow, you ass! I even promised Kai I wouldn't let you anywhere near it for fear of what you might do to the poor thing.

It was an accident!

No, it wasn't. This was murder. Plain and simple.

Oh, for Christ's sake! I broke the damned thing when I tripped over the power cord and yanked it off the table. It wasn't like I took a hammer to it. Hell, the computer even nailed me in the leg before it broke.

Well, good for it! At least it went down fighting for its life.

...

I refuse to feel sympathetic to a murderer like you. Especially not when I have to be the one to explain to Kai why his precious laptop is dead.

If you hadn't left the cord in the middle of the goddamned floor I never would have tripped over it.

If you would have just taken two seconds to look where you're walking you would have see the thing just fine. Contacts or not; you can't miss a big, black cord on a white floor!

Why didn't you simply keep the cord wound up and charge it from the wall unit? You didn't have to leave the stupid thing stretched over half the goddamn kitchen!

I didn't think it be a problem since I can fucking SEE it from a mile away!

Just drop it Ruki.

What?! No! I'm not just going to drop it!

...

What the hell am I supposed to tell Kai when I go back to work tomorrow?!

Simple. "Kyo broke your laptop."

I mean after that! I was the one who left the poor, defenseless computer alone to die a horrible death at the hands of the very man I promised Kai I wouldn't let touch it.

We live in the same house. There's no way you can guarantee that I wouldn't touch the laptop at some point.

That's not the point Kyo! Be serious.

And I am taking this seriously, you damn drama queen.

I am not being dramatic!

Please. You overdramatize everything that happens in your life.

I do not!

Y'know, are you sure you wanted to be a musician growing up and not an actor half way across the world? Because you can still change your mind. It's not too late.

Very funny, but no. Guess you'll just have to live with me and my supposed theatrics for the rest of your life.

Yay me.

God! Why couldn't you have killed it tomorrow morning?!

I don't know. I just had a burning rage to kill something today, I guess.

Ha ha.

Why? Is there a special reason I shouldn't have killed it today?

First of all, aha! I got you to admit you killed an inanimate object.

...

And there's no special reason.

Then why?

Because I was all ready to come home and have a nice relaxing day by not going out in public again. Now I have to go and shop for a new laptop. Ugh! I hate shopping for electronics. I have no idea what I'm doing and texting Kai to ask what model his is would just seem suspicious right now.

You could always say you really like his and wanted to get one of your own.

Pfft. He'd never believe it. If it wasn't for the fact that most music is produced digitally now I would never touch a computer.

Then why do you have Kai's?

To finish our music, duh. Try to keep up Kyo.

...

Besides, Kai would never believe I'd want a computer. I can do everything I need from my phone. Not to mention everyone knows any computer we buy ends up becoming your new haven for your computer games and you already have two, you hoarder.

A man needs a lot of storage for all his games.

By the way, where the hell are you?

At the computer shop. Buying a new laptop.

Kyo!

Oh, quit your bitching. I'm getting a replacement for Kai's laptop.

Why? Can't you just have this one fixed?

Nope.

You must have really done a number with that hammer.

I did not-- No! I'm done arguing about that. I'm getting a new one since they can't fix Kai's old one. Thankfully the geeks said they can transfer all his shit from the broken one to the new one no problem.

Really? How? The computer's here.

I took it apart after I killed it.

You sick bastard.

It was necessary. I even made sure to get the exact same laptop Kai had before so unless you tell him what happened, he'll never know the difference.

Oh, so now you're trying to make me an accomplice to a murder? I don't think so.

Babe, I love you, but you really need to stop binge watching crime shows.

Fine. Take all my fun away, you villain.

I thought I was sparing you from having to brave the oh-so-hated electronic store.

That is true...

Plus, you don't have to leave the house anymore. You can stay home like you planned and do whatever you wanted. Doesn't that make me your hero?

No.

Ouch.

LOL
So how much longer are you going to be?

Shouldn't be long. Why?

What are the chances you'd be willing to walk Koron for me when you get back?

Very low. Almost non-existent in fact.

Is that so?

Yep.

I wonder if those chances are lower than your chance of getting laid tonight? I mean, they were pretty low already but...

That's cruel.

And you're a murderer but I WAS willing to overlook that. Guess not.

Do you honest trust me to walk Koron? I've already murdered one innocent today. For all you know this could be the beginning of a murder spree.

I have complete faith that Koron could get away and make it safely back home before you could do more than glare at him.

 

~*~*~*~Twenty Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Okay, now I know something is wrong.

What?

I just let our conversation die off before answering your question and you didn't text or call to bitch me out about it.

Maybe I didn't feel like talking to you anymore. Ever think of that?

...

Oh, shut up.

It's not like you to give up on harassing me so early in that game. You all right?

I'm just tired.

Then go to sleep.

Can't. Koron will be ready to go for a walk soon.

I thought I was walking Koron?

Are you?

Yeah, I'm pulling into the drive way now. Just let me set down the laptop and then I'll take him out right after.

My hero.

Does that mean I get a reward later?

You should hurry then if you want that reward.

Oh?

Sara stockings.jpg
I'm going to need help taking these off so I can go to sleep after all.

-*-*-*-*-

The sound of the front door slamming and hard thump of something heavy hitting the floor announced Kyo's return. Stretching out on the bed to get the best reaction, Ruki didn't have to wait long before Kyo practically flew into the bedroom. His jacket hanging off of one arm and his shoes still on even.

"I thought you said you'd walk Koron for me when you got back?" Ruki pouted from his reclined position on the bed. Trying his best not to laugh at Kyo's attempt at a fish out of water once the older man got a good look at him in nothing but a baggy t-shirt, panties and stockings.

"Fuck walking the dog." Kyo snapped. Harshly yanking off his jacket and kicking off his shoes so he could start climbing up the bed and towards Ruki. More focused on kissing Ruki's laughter away than whether or not Koron might need to go to the bathroom soon.

"It's fine. I walked him right before you go home anyway." Ruki announced with another laugh as he started unbuttoning Kyo's shirt.

"Wait." Kyo paused. Trying to remember if he saw the rest of Ruki's cloths on the floor or around the bedroom. Because it was obvious that Ruki has just gotten in. His fingers were still chilled from being outside after all. "Did you go out wearing this?"

Rolling his eyes, Ruki resumed trying to get Kyo's shirt off. "It was a quick walk Kyo. I didn't exactly see a reason to get fully dressed for the occasion."

Again Kyo halted Ruki's progress. Actually going as far as holding down Ruki's hands when he wouldn't stop trying to undress him. "Wearing this? Just this?" Kyo asked with a dark glare.

"Yes, this. I was only out there for a few minutes tops. It's not like anyone saw me."

"But what if someone did see you?" Kyo growled.

Dropping his head back against the pillow with a hard roll of his eyes, Ruki groaned. "Well then I hope they enjoyed the show." Seeing as his answer didn't appease Kyo in the slightest, in fact Kyo's glare only got darker if that was possible, Ruki tried to explain. "Look. It was dark and I barely stepped outside long enough to let Koron go to the bathroom before we came back in. Now can we please go back to making out or would you prefer to kill our neighbors on the off chance someone saw me through the fence?"

For a moment the two just stared each other down.

"If this is your idea of revenge for that stupid laptop--"

"Oh my God, Kyo! Shut up!" Ruki snickered. Yanking his hands out from under Kyo so he could pull his jealous fiancé into another kiss.

Chapter Text

I think we should get a cat.

Who are you and how did you get a hold of Kyo's phone?

...

You even answer like him! Bastard!!!
Have you been reading through his messages? Studying his texts? You have, haven't you?!
First off, what exactly has he been saying about me? Asshole never tells the truth, so keep that in mind. And second, you disgusting pervert - those are private!!

...

I knew I should have emptied out his inbox when he left his phone on the table the other day. God! The incriminating evidence alone on that phone...
If I see a single nude photo of me on the internet; I will find you and I will kill you slowly.

Are you done yet?

Not until you tell me who you are, you imposter!

...

Please tell me it's really you! I have other things I need to do today besides murdering some deranged fan who managed to get a hold of Kyo's phone.

What the hell Ruki?! It's me. Of course it's me. When the hell have I ever let someone steal my phone?

Uh, my band managed it just fine two months into our relationship. Just in case you forgot.

...

Also, Nori-san and Shinya-san have both been by the apartment multiple times when we still lived there to return your phone because you've left it at the studio, the parking lot, the tour bus, the avenues, the hair salon... I could go on.

Never mind, forget I asked.

Hell, the mailman's actually been to the house a few times because you've somehow managed to forget your phone in the mail box instead of putting it in your pocket. And we've only been living here for five weeks!

Okay, I get it! Jesus.

Just wanted to make sure you're aware of the situation. Y'know, paint you a very vivid picture.

Yeah, thanks for that.

I can feel the sarcasm just dripping off that little bit of gratitude.

...

LOL
So why do you want to get a cat anyway? We already have a dog, y'know.

No. You have a dog. I want a cat.

Doesn't tell me why.

Because I'd like a pussy that listens to me.

Is that so?

Mhm.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the cat tried to kill you the first day here. So please. Go right on ahead.

...

Still, I still don't see why you would want a cat. You can hardly take care of yourself much less a pet. Why not go for something with less maintenance, like fish. Fish are nice.

I don't want a fish.

Dang. There were fewer chances of you killing it off if, or I should say when, you inevitably forget about it.

I can take care of a pet, Ruki. I've had plenty of pets before this.

And?

And what?

I didn't question the number of pets you've had. Merely your ability to take care of them. So?

They knew the apocalypse was coming and decided to commit suicide in an act of mercy?

If you're in any way implying I'm that supposed apocalypse then you can kiss your chances of getting your own pet goodbye.

Babe, you can't ban me from having my own pet.

You think not?

I own the house.

Fine. I'll agree you let you get a cat but only on the condition that it has to be one that we both agree on.

...

What? That's fair.

So let me get this straight...

Good luck with that.

I'm just going to ignore that comment.
If I can't have a pet unless we both agree on one, then that means...

No. Kyo, no!

That means I can give that furry rat of yours the boot because I sure as hell don't agree on his continued tenancy.

You can't do that!

Oh, yes I can. If I can't have a cat, you can't have a dog.

Koron doesn't count. He's been living here for as long as I have, he's part of the family and that means he gets a say in any new family members.

He's not some kid we've adopted Ruki! He's a dog. He'll get over it.

I refuse to subject Koron to a possible abusive relationship at the hands of whatever demonic cat you end up adopting.

I'm not asking your dog for permission to get MY own pet, Ruki. I'm getting a cat or you're losing your dog.

We're not getting rid of Koron!

Then I'm getting a cat.

But Kyo~ What if I don't like the cat?

Since when have you ever not liked cats? Hell, that midget excuse you call a dog is practically a cat anyway. The only problem is it barks, not meows.

Quit picking on Koron, you dick!

Seriously, Ruki. What the hell is your problem with cats now?

Nothing. I just don't like them.

Bullshit.

Fuck you. It's not like you really care. I know you're just going to get the damned thing just to spit me.

I will if you don't give me a damned good reason as to why I shouldn't.

I just... Don't like them sometimes.

And I don't like Koron sometimes. Doesn't mean I'm going to lock him outside every time he gets annoying.

If I find out you ever locked him out on purpose, I will deck you.

And you're avoiding the question.

Fine!
I have a fear of cats.

...

There! You happy?!

...

What?

...

Write something other than a damned ellipsis!

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

That doesn't mean to stop talking to me altogether, you ass!

Sorry. I was just... trying to think of something to say to that.

I bet you were. Just like a bet you weren't laughing your ass off so hard you probably collapsed your lungs.

I did no such thing.

Oh? Then what did you do?

I bought a cat.

WHAT!?

Kidding, kidding.

You better be.

Since when are you afraid of cats? I've seen you with cats before. You've even had a pet cat when you lived with your family. How the hell...?

I'm not telling you any of this in a text message. If I tell you at all.

Will you tell me later then?

Maybe if you show up in the next ten seconds.

Good thing I've been home for the last twenty minutes then.

What? You've been home that long and you didn't even tell me? How did I even miss that!?

I do believe you were singing in the kitchen when I walked in. By the way, love the new dance moves.

Forget telling you anything!

Why?

Because once I find you, I'm going to kill you!

I'll meet you in the bedroom in five.

I'll be there in two.

Chapter Text

Hey sexy. Come here often? 

I don't appreciate you using corny pick up lines to try and talk to me. 

Why not?

Because it'll never work? And it's stupid.

You do realize that I used corny pick up lines to get you to talk to me in the first place, right? And apparently they work very well on you.

I had lower expectations then.

That was such a backhanded compliment. I'm impressed.

How was that a compliment?

Because I want to take it that way. Also because I don't want to explain to the higher ups why I interrupted their meeting to slap you across the face.

Harsh.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

How do you feel about touching yourself for me?

Ecstatic. I'm sure Kaoru and the other would absolute love the view too.

Okay, you're really killing the mood here. 

What mood?

I was trying to be sexy by flirting with you.

You only flirt when you want something.

Not true!

...

I can flirt without an ulterior motive.

I've never seen it. So unless you're using these charms of yours on someone else, and for your sake I hope not, I'm going to call bullshit.

I seem to have slightly boxed myself into a corner.

Mhm.

How about a nice segue?
You look amazing from this side of the table.

No. 

No, you don't look amazing?
Kyo, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Thank you, but I still refuse to do this.

Do what?

Have phone sex with you. Even if it's through text messages.

Why not? It could be a lot fun. 

Please don't wink at me either. It's not going to work. 

Pfft. Jerk. 

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

So? 

... 

How's the other side of the table treating you? 

The exact same way your side is. Boring. And now Kaoru is glaring at me. 

That's such a common occurrence I'm surprised you even noticed. 

He's glaring off and on at you too, y'know. 

Really? I feel special. 

... 

Hey, I have finally been deemed a worthy enough annoyance to the great Leader-san to receive the Glare of Doom® in person. I have a right to feel proud. 

You're so melodramatic. 

I don't want to hear it coming from the guy who cries and cuts himself on stage near daily. 

I'm was expressing my emotions through my singing and stage performance. 

You were expressing how much of a pansy you are. 

If it wasn't for the fact that we're in a meeting and there's a table in between us, I would have punched you right about now. 

Oh, so abusive Kyo-chan. So cruel. 

Don't call me chan. 

So what do you feel like doing once this annual bullshit of a meeting is over? 

Kill you. 

Kinky. I like it. 

... 

I was thinking we could go out somewhere. I hear there's a couple of good movies that just came out, but I haven't had a chance to check them out yet. 

Good. You can go to the movies and I can go to sleep. 

I'm surprised you haven't fallen asleep already. And don't try and play it off, I know exactly why you brought sunglasses today. 

I would have gladly fallen asleep by now but there seems to be this annoying little shit that keeps texting me. 

Must be a hard-knock-life for you. Poor Kyo-chan can't get a break. 

I swear I'm going to kill you the moment the first break is called. 

What? You can't kill me yet. We need the first break to have sex! 

True. Fine... I'll kill you at the second break. 

Since when has there ever been a second break? 

Fine! When this is over I'll kill you. 

Ha! Knowing you, you'll fall asleep regardless of my texts and just to be an ass Kaoru won't wake you up until everyone's had a chance to stare and point at you as they leave. 

... 

By the time you do wake up, I should be well on my way to the movies with my friends since you won't take me out on a date. 

People stare at me when I'm asleep? 

You snore. 

I don't not snore. 

Pfft. You're deaf in one ear! How the hell would you know!?

...

Exactly, you wouldn't! And since I'm the one sleeping next to you every night, you'll just have to take my word it's true. And you are loud! You wouldn't believe the things I've had to do to shut you up at night so I can sleep. 

I'd rather you not tell me what exactly you do to me in the middle of the night. 

It's nothing nice or sexy in the least, I assure you. 

Figured. 

Nah, people stare because it's rare for them to see you sleeping. 

Strange, considering it happens all the time. 

Yeah, but Kaoru-san's the best guard dog money can't buy. Haven't you realized the only photos ever made public of you sleeping have been those taken by your band mates? 

No. 

Of course you didn't. The point is that normal people are retarded and can't help but stare at "Big Bad Kyo" falling asleep in the company meeting and getting away with it, like everything else. 

I do not get away with everything. 

Yeah, sure. 

It's true. 

All right. Prove it. 

How? 

You can start by groping yourself like I asked earlier. 

You just want an excuse to say you've had sex with an audience. 

Duh. But still, if you truly don't get away with everything then you're bound to get in trouble once Kaoru-san notices you're not paying attention. 

This is a dumb idea. I refuse to do this. 

Don't be such a wuss, I can see your vagina from here. 

I refuse to die for your libido.

I love it when you get shy and embarrassed.

I'm not embarrassed.

I can see you blushing from here.

...

Here. Why don't I start first? Get us both in the mood again.
What are you wearing? 

... 

Well? 

That was the tackiest opening line ever. Couldn't you be more original? 

It's a classic line. Now, shut up. I was trying to establish a mood here. Jeez! 

How the hell are you going to 'establish a mood' when we're in a room with twenty other people?! 

Just shut up and play along so I can verbally seduce you! 

... 

Do you want to know what I'm wearing? 

I can see what you're wearing. 

Damn it Kyo! Y'know what? Just forget it! 

Thank whatever god is listening. 

You so owe me for this. Later on today, we are having this conversation! 

I'd prefer a physical demonstration. 

Fine. We can fuck AFTER we have phone sex. 

Ruki? 

What? 

You're so fucking weird. 

And you're an asshole. 

Love you too, babe. 

Chapter Text

I think I'm dead. 

You think?

It's a definite maybe.

What does that even mean?

It means this is all your fault. You've killed me.

Couldn’t leave me alone even in death, I see.
Besides, if you're dead, then how come you're still talking to me?

Maybe I'm a ghost and I'm haunting you through your phone.

I could believe it. Not that I'm admitting to murdering you.

As the recently deceased, I don't think you're opinion matters anymore.

Did it ever?

In this relationship?
No.

I feel this is victim blaming.

What?! How? I'm the one who's dead!

Perhaps I killed you in a form a defense against your psychological abuse. People would believe that, right?

The sad fact is, I honestly think people would believe it.

That we would kill each other?

Well, that too. But I meant about us driving each other to murder.

Not that hard to believe. You drive people to higher extremes on a daily basis.

Better watch it old man. As a ghost I can still kill you with your phone just so you know. 

One can only be so lucky.
Speaking of lucky, how come you're not at the studio?

How do you know I'm not at the studio right now? Are you stalking me?

...

It's okay if you are. I find it cute.

You find stalkers cute? Since when?

Not stalkers, just you.

I am not cute nor am I a stalker. You usually don't text me until lunch when you're at the studio since Kai threatened to take your phone. It's only 9:30. Therefore, you're not at the studio.

Okay, Sherlock. So I'm not at work, I'm still at the house.

Why? Are you sick?

Sick of you.

...

I'm kidding. Lol
No, I'm still at the house because of you.

Me?

Yep.

What do I have to do with this?

You broke me. 

I broke you? 

Yes! 

And how did I manage to break you? You seemed just fine, and alive, when I left this morning. 

With that damn sex marathon last night, that's how!
I really should rename your dick to Rambo: Weapon of Ass Destruction. 

Thank you.

That wasn't meant as a compliment, you ass!

Wait? You said rename.

No, I didn't.

You wrote it, same thing. But what does that mean?

Nothing.

Ruki.

I think we've gotten off topic here. Let's go back to me blaming you for my current pains. I like that topic better.

Ruki... You don't really have a name for my dick, do you?

No! That would be ridiculous!

...

Okay, maybe I did. But like I said, I'm renaming it so it doesn't matter anymore. And you like this name, so obviously we're in agreement here.

That's not how this works Ruki.

Sure, it does.

Out of some morbid curiosity... What did you name my dick before?
Please tell me it wasn't something dumb like 'Little Kyo'.

Why would I name it anything with little? If anything, I should call you the little Kyo compared to him.

...

What? Not even going to defend yourself? 

I was just admiring how bitchy you get when you're suffering. 

I'm not bitchy, I'm dead. This is a serious matter. 

Like anyone would believe a guy your age would be dying from too much sex. Especially since when you spend most of your time outside of performing having lots of sex anyway. 

Are you saying I'm a sex fiend? 

Aren't you? 

I am not! 

If I remember correctly, you were the one who jumped me last night. 

Like anyone can trust your memory.

...

And so what if I did? I wanted some sex. SOME sex!
We haven't done much more than talk to each other in the last four months, but then on your first night back you try and kill me! 

You're not dead, nor are you dying. 

How do you know? It's not like you're the one lying here in pain! 

... 

I'm dealing with a crisis here! How am I supposed to go to work if I can't walk or stand?! I can't even sit up right now! 

That's definitely a crisis. Calling into work sick, lying about in bed all day, giving your lover the perfect excuse to come home and pamper you... 

We're not having sex again! 

You say you're not a sex fiend, but everything I say you automatically assume has to do with sex. 

Fuck you. 

... 

Fine, how about SHUT UP? If this is your idea of making me feel better, you're doing a horrible job. 

I was trying to propose a plausible excuse for both of us to get out of work for non-sexual activities, but since you're being stubborn as usual, I guess that's out of the question. 

Is this some backwards way of you saying you want to skip work to spend time with me? 

And he finally gets it, ladies and gentlemen! Round of applause. I was starting to worry I'd have to spell it out for you. 

You're suck a dick. 

.... 

I'm ignoring your current thought process. 

Denial is a horrible thing. But don't worry Ruki, we can work through this. Together. 

Lol I hate you sometimes you know that? 

I love you too, babe.
So? 

I'll call Kai. 

Good boy. 

Keep it up and he'll be the only one I call today. 

But then how will I be able to give you a massage if I'm stuck at the studio? And we both know much you love my massages. 

Damn you, you sneaky bastard. 

Should I go inform Kaoru now? 

Yeah, yeah. And you better give me that massage the moment you get home or I PROMISE it'll be your ass next. 

... 

Fuck you! 

... 

I AM NOT A SEX FIEND! 

I never said anything about you being a sex fiend that time. 

ARGH!!!! 

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Are you really in that much pain? 

No, not really. A little sore, but I'm hoping you and a hot bath will cure that soon. 

Drama queen. 

And you love it.

Chapter Text

Hey, Ru-man! What'cha up to?

Ruki's busy.

Y'know I thought we had moved past you referring to yourself in the third person. LOL
C'mon! Stop joking around. I need your opinion on something real quick.

Why on earth would I ever consider helping you?

Okay~ I see we're in a bad mood today. Anything I can do to help?

You can stop talking.

Okay, seriously Ru, you're being kind of a dick right now.
Wait.
This is Kyo, isn't it?

Wow. I'm impressed.
It only took you ten minutes to figure out you weren't texting the right person.

Impressed about what?
No, forget it. I don't want to know.
And fuck you, asshole. I didn't text the wrong person. This is Ruki's number!

Oh, darn. There went your flash of brilliance. So tragic to see it die at such a young age.

I don't appreciate you insulting my intelligence. Again.

Why not? It's such fun.

Probably because I hate being around jerks like you.
Ugh. Never mind. I'm not getting into another argument with you. Where's Ruki?

Like I wrote before; he's busy.

Well, why don't you stop fucking around and put him on already?!

I can't. Actually, that's not true. I could put Ruki on, but I don't think the way I put Ruki on is what you were referring to.

What the hell does that even mean!?

I could send you a picture if you really wanted to know.

What?! No!
God, no!

Maybe a video would be better? Ruki's phone does have the better camera after all.

Jesus, stop texting already!

Gladly.

 

~*~*~*~Twenty Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Is it safe now?

Never.

Jesus Christ! You're like a cockroach that refuses to die already!

The sentiment is returned. Now leave me alone.

So sorry your majesty, but I didn't want to talk to you in the first place!
Where's Ruki, damn it? He has to be done with whatever it was earlier.

I told you, he's busy.

Doing what? And why can't he stop long enough to answer my question?
Did you even tell him I texted or are you being a creepy, little bitch who goes through their boyfriend's phone when they're feeling insecure?

First, I just wanted to point out Ruki isn't my boyfriend.
Also, fuck you.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hit a nerve?

I really don't understand how the two of you are friends.

I don't understand how the two of you are dating.

We're not anymore. At this point, we're practically married. He is my fiancé after all.

God, how can he stand you? I always fear Ruki's gonna die from poisoning after kissing your toxic mouth.

Think about us kissing often, do you?
Reita, I never knew you were such a pervert.

God, why am I still texting you!

Because you're dumb?

Fuck you.

Is that all you're capable of doing to defend yourself, cuss at me?

I could come over there and punch you in the face if that would make you feel better.

Oh, now that’s one I haven’t heard before. Very original. I applaud you.

Just... Can you please just hand Ruki the phone?

So polite Reita. Where'd all that anger go so suddenly?

I'm trying not to resort to violence so early in the day, thank you very much.

How boring.

Look. Would you just get Ruki already?

I would. But you see, he's very busy with his hands and mouth right now.
It might take a while for this to... finish.

OH MY GOD!
You're so disgusting!
WHY would you ever tell me something like that!?

You asked.

Ugh, god. Just...
Ew.
I hate you so much right now.

You mean you didn't feel that way about me before? I'm hurt, Reita.
And here I am thinking I had cultivated this antagonist relationship with you so well too.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Aw, don't give up now Reita.
There's still so much for us to talk about.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Here, just for you. I moved us into different positions.
Ruki still won't be able to hold the phone, but I can set it near him if you want to try calling again.
Though, don't mind the sounds in the background.

KNOCK IT OFF!!!

Or any of the weird noises he might make during the call. He does that often when we're doing this.

GO BACK TO HELL ALREADY!!!!!

Would it be better if I had him call you?

JESUS CHRIST! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

-*-*-*-*-

Grinning evilly, Kyo finally lets the screen on Ruki's phone go black after successfully chasing off the idiot. Hearing his lover approaching the couch where he laid sprawled out, Kyo looked over his shoulder just in time to receive a quick peck on the lips before Ruki leaned over. His bare arms wrapping around Kyo's neck as he softly nuzzled against the older man.

Seeing his phone resting innocently in Kyo's grasp, Ruki offered his hand out for the device but instead, Kyo moved it further out of reach. Suspicious about why his lover would be keeping his phone from him, Ruki turned to look down into mischievous brown eyes, "Kyo. Why do you have my phone?"

Again that evil grin was back, but no answer was forthcoming.

"Kyo," Ruki said in a low, warning tone.

"It's fine. I was just texting Blondie," he said with a shrug. As if it was an everyday occurrence that he and Reita were talking to each other. Instead, the admission only made Ruki fear even more what was done with his phone.

"You mean Reita?" Ruki asked for clarification, not that there were many people Kyo consistently called Blondie, refusing to even speak the man's name out loud. "Why?"

"He wanted to ask you something."

"Oh," Easy enough. And knowing Reita, it had to have been something important for him to be texting so early on the weekend. Once more, Ruki reached out to take his phone but was denied again by the older man. In fact, to make sure Ruki wouldn't be able to take back his phone, Kyo quickly stuffed the device into the pocket of his jeans and as far from Ruki's grasp. Huffing in annoyance, Ruki smacked the side of Kyo's head before demanding, "Kyo, give me my phone."

"I don't think so," Kyo smirked. Taking hold of Ruki's swinging arm and pulling him to lean further over the couch. Once most of Ruki's weight was shifted forward, Kyo grabbed him across his rib cage and haulled him over the couch and onto the cushion next to him. Laughing at Ruki's surprised yelp as he was yanked over the back of the couch.

"Wha--"

Before he could complain and further, Kyo was pinning his arms to the side as he captured Ruki's mouth in a hard kiss. At first, Ruki fought back against being pinned but when Kyo refused to let up, he settled back and let himself enjoy the kiss. Of course, one kiss quickly led to another and another, and soon the two were making out quite heavily.

"What's gotten into you?" Ruki gasped when Kyo finally let them come up for air. Looking far too smug in Ruki's opinion after just a few kisses.

"Nothing. Just keeping a promise to someone." Kyo smirked. The smile didn't comfort Ruki or explain anything. Typical Kyo.

"God, you're so weird sometimes," Ruki mumbled before pulling the older man down into another kiss. He'll figure out what Kyo had done after. No use wasting the mood after all.

Chapter Text

Wow. I thought I'd never live to see the day.

What? You finally grew a brain?

No, you jackass.

Oh, so one of your idiotic band members then? Good for them.

Would you stop already? This isn't about anyone getting a new brain!

Well, damn.

You're such an ass.

Right. So what were you so excited about earlier?

Eh. Not really excited. Surprised and kind of disturbed, but not excited.

Oh, now I'm excited. What is it that disturbed you?

I have my own copycat.

What?

I have my own copycat.

...

I'm being serious here.

What kind of copycat?
Is someone plagiarizing your lyrics?
Tell me who and I'll make sure they never do it again.

Okay, bad choice of words I see.

...

I meant I have a lookalike, not a copycat. No one is stealing my lyrics or anything.
Please don't kill anyone.

Fine.

Though I appreciate you coming to my defense so fast.

...

Like a knight in shining armor.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Aw, c'mon. It's cute.

Whatever.
I don't see what's so exciting about a lookalike.

Because I've never had one this accurate!
I know you're used to it Mr. Worldwide-Rock-Star, but this is exciting for me. We could almost be twins, it's so...

Awesome?

Honestly?
A little creepy.

...

No, I don't mean I creep myself out. Shut up.
I meant was my copycat is as much of a, well, copy of me as Mao is to you.

That is a disturbing thought.

I know!

So how did you find out about this?

I actually ran into him at the mall.

What?

I did!
It was like one of those freak accidents or maybe he was just stalking me, but either way, I ran into him at the store!

Why the hell were you in the mall again!? You have enough clothes and jewelry Ruki.

Who said anything about me buying clothes or jewelry? I was at the store.

There's isn't a store in the mall.

What?! There's a shit ton of them!
Damn, Kyo. I realized your eyesight was suffering, but I had no idea it was that bad.

...

Should I make an appointment with Dr. Kinaki?

Fuck you.

Lol

When normal people say the store, nine times out of ten they mean the grocery store.
But obviously, you're not normal.

Rude!

I'm sure if there was a way for a human being to sustain themselves on jewelry, clothes, and shoes you would never eat again.

If I could live off of such things, then yes. I would never eat again.
Eating normal food is so boring.

See. You're weird.
Also, you never answered my question.

Oh, shut up. I didn't start this conversation to have you picking on me or question my actions.

No, you started it so we could pick on your lookalike.

Exactly.

Which is just like picking on you.

Fuck you.

Why so defensive Ru-chan?

Right, back to this accidental run-in with my stalker.

...

Does my hair really look that frazzled?

What?

Again, being serious here!

I wasn't asking if you were serious. I wanted clarification, dumbass.

Jerk.
Anyway, this guy - the stalker - had the same style and hair color as I do. I can only assume he's been copying all my hair looks but when I saw it on him it looked like a nightmare.

And?

AND it just got me wondering if it looked like that on me!?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

I mean I don't know!
It's not like I saw the guy. How could I know what he looked like unless you decided to take pictures?

Damn. I didn't think about that.

Well, there. I have no way of gauging just how it looks, therefore I don't know.

Well, you've seen the same style on me. Does it look that bad?

...

It does, doesn't it!

No.

Then what does it look like?

Uh.
It looks like your hair?

Kyo!

What?

What kind of answer is that?

My answer.

Argh. I should have known asking you would be pointless. I don't see why I even bother.
Hell, I probably look like a train wreck and you wouldn't even notice so long as the sex comes at a steady rate.

That's not true.

It's not, huh!
Then tell me what my hair looks like if it's not true!

...

Never mind. Just forget it.
I'll be home in a couple of hours, so how about we just forget this whole conversation?
Yeah, I think I like that idea.

Would you wait a second? Jeez!
The one time I actually want to say something and you're practically steamrolling me with messages so I can't.

Like you ever want to talk.

Just shut up for a minute and let me talk.

But you're not saying anything.

And quit being a smartass as well.

Fine. What?

Now, first off; you do not look bad. You never do and you damn well know that so stop fishing for compliments.

But what if I wanted to you say it?

Tough.

Kyo!

No. There's no reason for you to feel like you're second best just because someone looks like you.

I was not feeling or even thinking that!

Right.

I am right.

Then what's your problem?

My problem is I want my boyfriend to tell me that I'm gorgeous and that no lookalike could ever hope to match up to my perfection.

...

But instead I'm dating a compassionless jerk that goes back and forth between being horny and angry.

That's not true.

Oh, really?

Yes. I'm not angry or horny right now.

I can change that.

Why would you want me angry right now?

I meant about the horny part!

...

Who would ever want you willingly angry?

You.

And I thought I already told you I don't want or need anyone killed right now.

I was hopeful.

Lol
Whatever, I'm on my way home.

Good.

Y'know...

What?

What do you think the chances are that my copycat is gay?

Just because he looks like you, doesn't mean he's exactly like you.

In that case, he's not a very good copycat.

Maybe he just dresses exactly like you to get a lot of your female fan's attention?
For all you know, your lookalike has better game than you.

Bullshit! I could get plenty of women!

...

I've just... never tried.

You don't even like dating. I highly doubt you could get anyone.

I got you easily enough.

I was guilted into dating you.

Liar! You were the one to say you wanted to date!
I was perfectly fine with our relationship before you decided to be a dick and ignore me!

...

So honestly, our whole current relationship is technically your fault.

You started this.

Are we really arguing about who started our relationship? Really?

...

Lol
This is way off from the threesome I was going to suggest when I brought up my clone being gay.

Did you ask your lookalike to have a threesome?
Without asking me first?

No. I didn't actually talk to him.

...

Oh, calm down.
It's not as if I'm walking around soliciting strangers into having sex with us at the mall.

I refuse to have a threesome with your lookalike. Or anyone else for that matter.

Why not? I think it would be hot having two sexy men pleasing me at the same time.

Because he's not you.
Besides if that was true, then a threesome with me and any of my copycats would be just as hot to you.

Eww! I'm not sleeping with Mao!!!!

See my point.

Fine. It's just a thought.

Well stop thinking so much. You're creeping me out with your ideas.

Jerk.

Brat.

Lol
I love you too.

Chapter Text

I'm bored.
What are you doing?

Did you guys finish your shoot already?

No, we're taking a break from filming for a little bit.
Kai hit his hand wrong during the rehearsal so they've taken him to the hospital to determine the damage.

And they left the rest of you there? By yourselves?

Yep.

Where's your manager? Or Akihiko-san?

I... honestly don't know. I think Aki-san went with Kai in the van.
As for our manager, he might have gone with the director to the crew tent. There was talk floating around that we might have to postpone filming until tomorrow if Kai's hospital visit takes too long.

I can just feel your worry for poor Kai.

Oh, bite me.
Kai said he was fine before he left. He was even laughing and trying to get out of going.

...

Yeah, responsible Kai didn't think he needed to go to the doctor, I think he'll be fine.

Fine. So if you guys aren't filming anymore today why don't they just let you go home?

Because they want to torture us.

...

So in retaliation we've snuck out and raided the shop down the street.

Why?

Because it's something to do?

So instead of being normal and offering to film the scenes that don't involve Kai, the four of you decide to trash a shop?

Exactly.

Wow.

Yeah, though I'm a little worried about Uruha. He's been in the bathroom for nearly ten minutes straight and he still hasn't emerged.

If he got stuck, I'll laugh my ass off.

See! You can't get mad at me for being inconsiderate when you write things like that.
And as funny as the mental image might be, I think don't think any of us will ever know.

Why not?

Because none of us are crazy enough to actually go in there with Uruha.
Who knows what he's doing in there?!
And even worse, he could be waiting for a victim!

...

What?

You sound very hyper.

You can tell that by a bunch of texts?
I'm... very impressed.

I have excellent observation skills.

Ha! You only have 'excellent observation skills' when it comes to food and sex.

Whatever. Have you been eating sugar?

No.

I think you're lying.

I am not. I've only had soft drinks and snacks.

So sugar.

Bah! So what?
I was hungry and the store only has so much food to offer.

You could have gone out somewhere decent or even come home if you were that hungry.

We don't have anything in the house that's edible.

...

For the last time, frozen dinners to not count as food!

Brat.
Shinya brought over a foreign dish he made for lunch. Said it was too spicy for him.

Oh, what's in it?

I have no idea.
From what I can identify: tomato sauce, peppers, onion and pasta. Maybe some bean sprouts. I don't know about the rest.

Genius. Shinya could have tried to poison you with something you're allergic to and you wouldn't even notice.

Right. Because after almost 15 years of friendship, Shinya finally realized he hates me and wants to kill me?

You never know. He could be trying to take your place as singer!

I think you need to stop drinking or eating whatever it is you have been and just stick to water.

Eh, I hate water.

...

Shut up. I can hate water if I want.

Fine, drink apple juice then or ginger ale.
On second thought, no.
Both of those still have sugar.

I can drink coffee instead.

No.
We don't need you overly caffeinated on top of being sugar-high.
The world would be doomed.

HEY!
I'm not that bad.

...

Lol Fuck you.
Fine. I'll stop with the sugary drinks.

And drink water.

And drink water~

I can practically hear you snarking that back at me.

Nu-uh.

Water isn't going to kill you Ruki.
In fact, it'll save you from crashing so hard after the sugar wears off.

Aww! Are you worried about me Kyo?

Constantly.

Lol

Behave and drink your water.

When have I ever willingly behaved?

I'll take you on a date tonight if you do.

I take it back. I'll behave.

...

And?

And what?

Well, what are we going to be doing on this date tonight?

Eating.

That's it?

Yes.

Ugh. Kyo!

What?

Oh, come on. You can't really expect me to drink water AND behave when my only prize is dinner with you.
I do that all the time.

Fine, we'll do whatever you want afterwards.

I want dinner, a movie, and dancing tonight.

What!?

That's what I want.
You're going to take me out to dinner and a movie. And then we're going to a club, where you're going to dance with me until I'm too tired to continue.

I hate you sometimes.

No, you don't!

Oh, yes I do.

It's fine if you don't want to.
I'll just find some other way to spend my free time.

...

I'm waiting~

Fine. Dinner, a movie and dancing.

YES!
I'll see you when you get home!

Yeah, yeah.

And Kyo?

What?

Wear something sexy for tonight!

Ugh.
You're a slave driver, y'know that?

I love you too.

Chapter Text

Hey! It's Ruki~
Just texting to make sure you got all the information from Miyavi-kun. I know sometimes he can get a little too excited and forget to mention the important things.
Y'know, like the time and place. Lol

I think I might have missed that part.

Figures. Lol
Okay, so I'll be waiting down by the Starbucks near the concert hall at 11 am.
Would you rather meet out front or would you like me to get a table for us?

Is it just going to be the two of us?

I believe so yes.
Miyavi-kun was going to join, but he said he had something to do and said we'd have more fun without him always glued to his phone.

Is this a date then?

What?
No!

Well, that's mean.

I'm sorry, but no.

Liar.
You didn't have to be so quick or harsh about saying no.

Look, I'm sorry if you've been misled into thinking this is a date.
I'm not exactly sure what Miyavi-kun said to you, but I'm not really interested in a relationship right now.

You just keep tramping right over a poor guy's heart.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad, but I'm very dedicated to my career right now.
I just don't have time to invest in a relationship right now.

But we'd make such a cute couple.
Why not consider it?

I'm very flattered, but I just don't think it'd work out between us.
I'm sorry.

I'm so hurt right now.
My heart, it's bleeding.

Y'know, I think we should just cancel the meet up.
At least until you're... feeling better.

So now I'm a head case?
Wow. You're so cruel, Ruki-kun.
I love it.

I don't understand.

And I have no idea who you were trying to text, but this whole conversation was absolute gold.
I've never met someone who could be so polite as they brush aside someone's feeling like they're inconvenient. And then call them crazy when they try to convince you otherwise.

That's not what I meant at all!

The casual cruelty is so beautiful.

You're not Seguchi-san, are you?

God, no.
And thank Christ for that. Poor guy must be so heartbroken being around you.

Uh huh.

Seriously, is that how you respond to everyone showing interest in you?
Because if so, I need a front row seat to that.

Thank you ever so much for the compliment, you ass.
Mind telling me who you are?

I do.

What?

I mind telling you my name.
Keep up brat.

Okay, listen here you dickhead!
I could give a rat's ass about who you are anymore because it's obvious you're no one important if all you do is feed off of other people's confusion and misery, and I am done talking to you.

Aww, but Ruki-kun!
This could be the beginning of such a beautiful relationship!

Stop texting me, you asshole!

But I want to hear more about your stellar relationship talks.
This is important to me!

LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Fine. Spoilsport.

 

~*~*~*~One Hour Later~*~*~*~

 

So does that mean you're still going to Starbucks?

Not that it's any of your business, but yes.

With Segumi?

Why do you even care?
And it's Seguchi-san.

Because someone needs to warn this guy about the harpy he's about to try and feed his heart to.

I don't even know your name, but I hate you so much right now.

Such strong feelings for me so soon Ru-chan?
I can't accept!
This relationship is moving way too fast for me!

I shouldn't laugh at this.

Why not?

Because you're an asshole.

Good reason.

Lol

Honestly, I think you should cancel you're not-date with Segway.

Seguchi-san.

Whatever.

And why should I do that Mr. All-Knowing-Asshole?

Because this is obviously a date. One that you knew nothing about which means the guy's a coward who couldn't ask you out himself and not worth your time.
To top off this pitiful display, he had to have Miyavi of all people set you guys up and then pretend to bail last minute because he either couldn't get the courage up to ask you out or he knew you'd say no. Plus, you're going out together before noon? Obviously he doesn't have much confidence if he couldn't even take you out to dinner at least.

You're putting way too much thought into this.

Eh. I'm bored.

Then how about you go do something productive and leave me alone?

I am being productive.
I'm saving a clueless Ice Queen from having to "gently" let down someone he thinks is just a friend.

I am not an Ice Queen.

But you don't deny the rest.

Shut up.

Not talking.

Then how about you stop breathing.

Oh, feisty.
Did I hit a nerve?

I'm refusing to even consider what you're saying as being even remotely true.

Just because you're in denial, doesn't mean I'm wrong.

I hate you.

You know I'm right.

I HATE YOU.

So how about ditching the coward and meeting me at Red Rock Steakhouse instead.

Are you asking me out?

Yes.

After pretending to be Seguchi-san, lying to me, jerking me around, and insulting me for the last hour?

I still think we'd make a cute couple.

Lol
I can't believe you.

You laughed, you agree.

That's not how this works.

But you're interested.
Admit it.

Fine.
I am mildly curious.
But I refuse.

Why?

Because you're an asshole. Lol

Still a good reason, but I want a better one.

How about the fact that I don't go on dates with men I don't know?

Hi. My name is Kyo and I think you're feisty and heartless, and I'd like to take you to dinner tonight provided you ditch the date with the wimp.

Are you insulting me while asking me out?!

Would I do that?

God, you're so arrogant and conceited.

Is that a yes?

I shouldn't.
I can already tell this is going to be a disaster.

...

No. I can't.
No.
Just no.

Y'know, one "no" would have been enough.
No need to go rubbing salt into the wound.

Sorry, not sorry.

God, you're such a bitch.

Yeah, I am. But you apparently really like that about me.

Mhm.

Lol
Creeper.

You laughed, you like it too.

Okay, I'm going to ignore you now because I have a not-date I need to get ready for.

Try not to be too harsh Ruki.
Most men aren't able to handle people like you. And be gentle, use lots of lotion. It's probably his first time.

Lol
Would you shut up and go away already?

Brat.

Asshole.

 

~*~*~*~Ninety Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Is that offer for dinner still open?

Maybe.
If you tell me what happened?

Exactly what you said.
Happy now?

No. I want details.
Did he cry?
Please tell me you made him cry.

You're so evil.

That's a given. Tell me what happened.

Okay, so Seguchi-san arrived and things were normal for the first ten minutes as we got settled at a table.
However, before we did anything more, Seguchi-san told me he had something important he wanted to tell me and didn't think he could put it off any longer.

This sounds like the beginning of a b-rated romance film.

Shut up.
Anyway, I told the waitress to come back later as I wanted to get this serious talk out of the way first since SOMEONE made me paranoid about what it could be about.
And Seguchi-san just blurts out this love confession for me!

You seem surprised.

I was hoping you were just being a dick. Not that you were actually right!
And then he started stuttering and blushing about liking me for so long, I was stunned. I didn't know what to say.
So he just kept going on and on about how he felt and WHY he loved me.

Is this where you made him cry?

No!
Well, I don't know honestly.

You don't know?

After I told him that I didn't feel the same way, or that I even wanted to date someone right now, he got very quiet and withdrawn.
By then people around us were starting to stare, so I just bailed!

Ouch.

Well what was I supposed to do?! Stay and comfort him after telling him I don't feel the same in the least?

...

Because that would have gone over well!

Instead, you just crush his heart and leave him alone in a cafe full of gawkers.
Simple and clean.

Exactly.

...

You're an asshole.

Again, we already knew this.

I just felt like saying it again.
So, how about that offer for dinner?

I don't know...
I would hate for you to ditch me in the middle of a busy restaurant, especially after I pour my heart out to you.

You don't have a heart to pour out.

Touché.

Would you like me to give you a reason to have dinner with me?

Oh?

You take me out to dinner tonight and later on, I'll give you a very personal thank you.

Thought you said you weren't interested in a relationship?

I'm not asking for your hand in marriage.

...

So is that a yes then?

It's a maybe.

I'll let you listen to Seguchi-san voice message.

And why would that sway me?

Because he's crying the whole time.

How does 6 pm at Red Rock Steakhouse sound?

Lol
Sounds perfect.

Then I'll meet you out front later, brat.

Asshole.

Chapter Text

Brace yourself.

No.

...

How about you tell me what's going on first and then I'll decide whether or not I'll take your advice.

No.

Lol

Because I said so?

Like that would ever be a good enough reason.
Besides, this isn't a movie Kyo. You don't need to sound so damn cryptic.

...

No, Kyo.
You're life is not a sci-fi movie.
However much you want it to be.

Fine.

So what was the warning for then?

If Shinya calls you at any time during the next week or so, don't answer.

Again, why?

Just don't.

I believe I already told you those kind of reasons don't work for me.
Besides, what if he has something important to say? Like sudden changes in the band's schedule?

Don't read or respond any of it.

What if he has an emergency?
Am I supposed to just ignore him then too?

Yes.

Kyo!

What? It's not like he's planning to kill himself anytime soon.
We can ignore him for a few weeks.

Kyo!

It's fine.

No the fuck it is!

Just make sure to avoid Shinya and Toshiya too for that matter.
And maybe Kai too.
Yeah, avoid Kai as well.

What the fuck, Kyo?
Why the hell would I avoid my own bandleader?

...

Did you do something stupid again?

...

Say something wrong?
Or not say anything when you should have?

No.

Then WHY?

Shinya wants to open up a puppy rescue.

Really? That's so cool.
WHY THE HELL WOULD I AVOID HIM OVER SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!

Because he wants you to join his little club.

And that's bad HOW?!

I know you.

I would hope so after nearly ten years of dating!

Fuck you.
I know that the moment you see one of those tiny, yappy dogs things are going to get out of hand.

How would things get out of hand?
Please. Enlighten me, Kyo.

I'm just trying to avoid the emotional nutcase I know you're going to become the moment I refuse to let you adopt every pitiful dog that you four can't place immediately.
I'm telling you now, I won't allow it.

I wouldn't do that.

Please.
I know that if it wasn't for the fact you can't fit that many dogs in your purse, I would already be living in the world of 101 Chihuahuas and Ruki.

Lol

How that's for living a movie life?

I’m not going to ask how you even know about that movie enough to make a sarcastic remark like that. Just… Don’t want to know.

It’s was Shinya’s turn to pick for movie night.

Uh huh.
Like I’m going to believe Shinya-san forced you to watch 101 Dalmatians.

Why are we even still talking about this?
So I saw the movie. Big deal.

It is a big deal. You willingly watched a Disney movie that wasn't Star Wars.
This is monumental, Kyo!

Back to the original topic at hand: avoiding Shinya.

It's a group to save and help puppies. Not an adoption center, Kyo.
I think I can handle the temptation of taking home every cute dog we save.
Besides, with as busy as I normally am, I probably won't be able to help that often.

In that case, I want you to promise me right now that you will not to bring home a SINGLE dog.
Or cat!
Or any cute animal you deem needs help.

I can't make that promise Kyo.

Then we're avoiding everyone henceforth.

You can't ignore part of your band, moron. And even if you did, it wouldn't last for long.

Watch me.

I would love to watch you flail about, but we both know the real reason why you don't want me joining in on this.

And why's that?

Because you don't want to get suckered in.
Already you're on the verge of giving in, but if I can resist it then that gives you an out because you wouldn't want to upset me. But if I join in...

...

Plus, if Kaoru-san ever found out you were ignoring the band again without a good reason he'd give you the speech.

...

And we both know how much you hate the speech.
Then Die-san will probably give you the guilt trip of your life.
You might even make Shinya-san cry this time.

All right, fine!
I get it.

Still want to avoid Shinya-san?

...

Come on. You can do it.

I'll hear what Shinya has to say.

Good boy!

But I'm not agreeing to help.

Whatever you say, Kyo.

And you're not bringing home every dog that didn’t get adopted immediately.

Technically, until we can get them to the humane society or vet they're probably going to all need temporary homes.

Fine. Then they can temporarily go to shelters, not my house.

I love how you get so anal about being nice.

...

And you don't even deny it!

I don't do nice.

No, you do me.

Ha and ha. I'm turning off my phone now.
All this caring and nicety is starting to rot my teeth out.

I'm sure your twisted sensibilities will be fine from the exposure, Kyo.
But if Shinya-san does call, I'll just tell him you agreed to help against your will.

...

Better get back to work then. Happy avoiding everyone Kyo!

I don't understand how you can be so condescending whilst encouraging someone.

It’s a gift.
And though I do use it on you most often, I fear I can't do that today as I need to get back to work now.
So, if you don't mind. Kindly fuck off.

You're talking to Shinya right now, aren't you?

Uh, no?

Shit.

Lol
Like you said Kyo, 'It'll be fine.'

I hate you.
I hate everyone.

Aw, we love you too.
All 102 of us.

...

Lol
Okay, I really need to get back to work now.
I'll see you later Kyo.

I'm just going to go jump off a bridge before then if that's all right?

Just be back in time for dinner.

Sure.
Whatever you say dear.

Chapter Text

Hey, Kyo. I have a quick favor to ask you.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Would you at least let me explain before you completely ignore me.
I promise it's nothing bad or harmful.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Asshole!
I said BEFORE you completely ignore me. That didn't mean right from the beginning!
What the fuck did I do to piss you off already?
Not that it would take much since you're moodier than a room full of women menstruating!

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Please tell me you're not asleep.
Fuck. You're asleep, aren't you?
God damn it!
What the fuck are you doing asleep at four in the afternoon?! I'm having a crisis here and you're drowning yourself in your own drool!

Now I resent that remark.

HE LIVES!!!

Firstly, I do not drool.

Unless you're having some out-of-body experiences in the middle of the night, I think you're just going to have to take my word for it.

I think you're lying to me.

Why would I ever lie about that?
Never mind. This has nothing to do with you and whatever you do with your saliva in your sleep.

...

What were you doing asleep anyway? It's four in the afternoon.

Thought we weren't talking about me and my sleeping habits.

Answer the question, smartass.

Why do most people fall asleep?

Well, for you that would be because you're trying to get out of doing something.
For everyone else, i.e. normal people, I would say because they were tired.

...

I thought you had another photo shoot this afternoon.

Cancelled.

What? Why?

Something happened with the photographer and he couldn't make it.
I wasn't paying attention.

Glad to see you're so concerned.

Eh. I'll try being nice on a day that doesn't end with a 'y'.

Lol

I thought you had a crisis that I needed to avert.

Oh, yeah!
Thanks for the reminder.

...

Would you mind going over to my apartment and getting something for me?

Depends.

On?

Do I have to bring said item to you after I get it from your apartment?

I would love you forever if you did.

Then no.

Kyo!

No.

Please?

I have an afternoon to myself to do nothing and I'm not about to waste that on driving nearly two hours to drop something off for you.

But this is a crisis Kyo!

What the hell do you need so bad anyway?

I need you to go into my closet and get my emergency go bag from the top shelf!

You have an emergency go bag?

Uh, yeah.

What the fuck for?

Emergencies, you fucktard!
What the hell do you think most people need an emergency go bag for?

I thought we already established that we’re not anywhere close to normal.
Besides, who actually packs an emergency bag anyway? Even normal people don't do that.

That's not the point here, Kyo!
The point is that I need my bag and I can't leave right now to get it. I need you to bring me that bag!

Again, why do you need this bag?

Because I’m running away to Europe.

And believe it or not it wasn’t the band that drove me to this point.
Or you.

Who was it, then?

Actually it was this really gorgeous European I met at this café during our lunch break.

What?

I'm mean like, seriously gorgeous. Blond hair, blue eyes. Flawless skin, miles of hard muscles.

...

Tall. Really deep voice. Incredible fashion sense. Great with Koron.

You better pray the cops pull me over before I get there because when I do, I'm beating your ass after I kill the motherfucker.

Holy shit, Kyo! Calm down.
Not that the spanking is a problem, but there's no reason to murder someone. I was just joking.

...

Though I really did meet a hot European at lunch.

Ruki.

I'm kidding! Jesus!

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Okay, seriously Kyo! You didn't have get Kai involved in this!
I'm not eloping to Europe with another man!
I WAS JOKING!

Just wanted to make sure whether I needed to go to your hotel or the airport first.

Does that mean you're already driving here?

...

Did you remember my bag by any chance?

What the fuck is so important in that goddamn bag?!

Because it’s got those really sexy boots and the gold pants inside.
And I need those for tonight.

...

For the live, Kyo!

I think you're lying to me again.

Oh my God!
Really Kyo?

Maybe I just don't want to?
Especially after all the hurtful things you've said to me today.

Get over it.

Wow. Way to make someone feel really appreciated and important Ruki.

I would be happy to show my appreciation and devotion to you Kyo.
In person preferably.

Oh really?

Oh, yes.
But first... I NEED MY DAMN BAG!

...

So are you going to bring the bag?

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Kyo! I need that bag!!!

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

God damn you, you lazy assholic bastard!
If I have to drive all the way there and all the way back to get my bag, I’m going to beat you to death with it before I leave again.

Be my guest.
It’d certainly be a better fate than staying with you for the rest of my life.

The rest of your life, huh?

...

Aw, I never realized you were that committed to this relationship, Kyo!

God. Just kill me now.

You could just bring me the bag. I’d settle for that instead of your life.

Fine.

Chapter Text

Yeah, so if you can pick those up on your way home, I'll grab the last few times and save us a trip tomorrow.

No.

Really?
It's a simple stop at the store.

So?

So why not?

Because I said no.

Okay, what happened?

Nothing.

Bullshit.
You were just fine this morning before you left.
Obviously something pissed you off if you're acting this bitchy already and I haven't even insulted you yet.

I'm never bitchy.

...

Fine.
It's that guy.

What guy?

Y'know what, no. Forget I said anything.
I'm only going to get more upset if I continue to talk about this.

Is someone giving you a hard time?

No. It's fine.

I'm never comforted when you say "it's fine".

Believe me, the feeling is mutual.
Besides, you wouldn't want to get involved.

...

Anyway, back to what you were saying.
Can I honestly skip the trip today?
I really don't feel up to it.

I will if you tell me what pissed you off.

You really don't want to know.

...

I'm serious.
You're just going to get pissed off as well.

To quote you: "it's fine".

Famous last words.

Ruki.

It's just... He's such an asshole.

I could really do with a name or some kind of reference for this.
Otherwise, for all I know you could just be talking about me.

Please, I told you I thought you were an asshole the day I met you.
No need to be secretive or leave out names.

True.
It's part of the reason I found you so attractive.

Lol
Because I thought you were an asshole?

No. Because you said exactly what you thought.
No filter whatsoever.

Thank you?

Talking about assholes...

Lol
Honestly, I don't really know if he's actually an asshole.
We've only had two brief conversations.

Then how can you know he's an asshole?

He just has this aura of an asshole.

Aura?
What the fuck?

He just projects this horrible... feeling. Y'know?

No, I have no idea what you're talking about.

It's just-- Gah! I don't know how to explain it.
But it really makes me hate that guy.

Again. Names, babe.
Who the fuck are we even talking about?

Byou.

Again... Who?
I can't help you roast someone if I don't know who you're talking about.

Lol
He's the lead singer from whatever-the-fuck that band is.

Yeah, because that was helpful.

Damn you. Stop making me laugh.
I'm too pissed off to be laughing right now.

That does sound like a problem.
You poor thing.

Stop that!
I'm trying to be angry at Byou.

Wait.
Isn't that the name of your so called copycat stalker?

Yes! That's him!

Did you run into him again?
Though it better not have been at the mall this time.

No, I saw him at the studio today.

Saw him?
So you two didn't even talk and he managed to piss you off?

It's his haircut.

What?

His haircut!

You repeating that sentence doesn't make it any clearer to me.
Why the fuck does his hair piss you off so much?

Because it's mine!

He stole your hair?
This is bad.

No!
Stop being a smartass!

...

I meant he stole my image. He completely copied everything; the cut, the color, even the styling.
And it makes him look like such an asshole.

...

Major asshole.

Why is that so bad?
Need I remind you that once upon a time you used to have the same haircut.

That's beside the point here, Kyo.
The point is that instead of coming up with his own self-image, he's trying to steal mine.
Plus, I've seen the error in my ways in having such a messed up haircut and changed it for the better.

...

These are very valid reasons here Kyo!

I'm sure they are, but I fail to see how any of this matters.

See! I told you, you wouldn't care about this.

That's not what you said.
And I do care about this.
The amount just happen to be closer to nonexistent than vitally important to me.

Y'know, as my fiancé you're supposed to ensure my happiness.

And?

And right now I want Byou's head as my mantlepiece.

We don't have a mantle.

I'll fucking buy one just to put that bastard’s head on it!

Are you sure you're not crazy?

I'm engaged to you.
I'm sure that grants me special rights such as murder and human taxidermy.

So how about it?
It'd make me really happy right now and much less bitchy.

I'm not killing anyone to make you happy.
And nothing short of a truckload of designer clothes can make you less bitchy.
So there's no point in me even trying.

Why not?

Because it's wrong and I'd be doing it for an even stupider reason.

Making me happy is not a stupid reason.

Neither is labeling a man an asshole because of his haircut.

But he stole it from me!
Plus you haven’t SEEN it yet! It's horrible! It makes his head look three times bigger.

Makes you wonder what people used to say about you with that same haircut.

Kyo!

What?

You're not helping!

Exactly.

Stop shooting down all my ideas, you old coot.

Then stop coming up with stupid ideas.

They're not stupid.

I take it back.
I regret this whole conversation.
Now I remember why I don't show concern or care for other people when this is my reward.

You were the one to insist I tell you what had pissed me off.

And my life is now horribly scarred from this idiotic conversation.
So thank you for that.

It's not idiotic!
It's a legitimate problem!

...

What?

I'm not going to argue with you about:
A) If you have stupid ideas? Because that's a yes.
B) About whether I should kill a guy over his haircut? The answer is no.
C) If someone looks like an asshole because of their fucking HAIR? Because who the fuck cares?
D) If any of this is even worth arguing about? Because I don't think I need to go on.

No, you've made your point.

Thank Christ.

I still think he looks like an asshole.

Oh, for the love of-- Never mind!
I give up.
I give up on you, this conversation, life...
I'm done. Throwing my phone in the ocean, done.

Kyo!

No, if you want to get into a bitch fight with this guy over his hair then by all means... Have fun, but leave me out of it.

I do not have bitch fights!

No, I'm done.
Shut up about it already, Ruki.

Fuck you.
For that you can make two fucking trips to the store to get all your damn ingredients.

Gladly.
It'll certainly keep me out of the apartment and away from your crazy ass longer.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Did he really steal your exact hairstyle?

If I held up an image of last year of me and an image of him now, they would be near identical.
It's that similar.

All joking aside, do you want me to punch him?

Lol
For as much as I would love to see that, please don't.
I don't want you getting banned from the studio again.

...

Don't worry. I've got this.
I'll just pay someone to replace his hair spray with a hair removal solution.
Not that they'll know that.

You are a cruel and devious, little bastard.

Mhm.

I love it.

I love you too.
But if you ever call me insane again, it'll be your hair that goes next.

Duly noted.

Chapter Text

Y’know, my mother once told me something that I never really believed until now.

What? Don’t talk to strange men?

No. Well, yes actually.
But that's not what I'm referring to.
Besides I talk to you and you’re stranger than most men.

Well, you are.

True. Thank you for the compliment.

Most people would not be happy to accept that, much less as a compliment.

I'm strange, I can do whatever I want.

You would, you egotistical bastard.
Back to what I was saying!

...

I’d just like to remind you that I love you.

I love you too, but I have a feeling this is a trap.

It's not so much a trap, as me expressing my feelings and saying goodbye to you.

I don't like this.

Good. Because you’re going to die.
Soon.

I would be more concerned about that if you didn't threaten me with murder every other day.
What really worries me is what this has to do with what your mother told you?
I knew she hated me but never enough to want me dead.

You don't remember her whispering to my father that she hoped you got hit by a train that first day?

Oh, yeah.
She did, didn't she?

God. Your memory really is shit sometimes.

Okay, so she may have told you to kill me.
I still don't see how this is relevant to now.

Oh really?
You don't know?

Please tell me your parents didn't get in touch after all these years to ask you to kill me off.
I assure you, killing me wouldn't fix anything aside from deeply upsetting Mr. Squidge. And that won't benefit anyone aside from assuring your own death.
Which might have been their purpose all along.

No, she didn't call me just to ask me to kill you. Again.
I'm referring to the time she told me you never truly know you love someone until you start planning their demise.

That says so much about your parent's marriage.
And also explains why you're so weird.

What's that supposed to mean?!

I'm sorry. Was I not clear enough?
Shall I call Captain Obvious to come to your rescue?

Fuck you.
I'll just go back to planning your death right now.
It’ll be big and elaborate; something you’ll never suspect.

You just told me you were planning to murder me.
How the hell do you expect to catch me off-guard enough to actually kill me?

I'll just give it a couple of days.
I'll delete the text from both phones and then your memory will solve the issue for me.

...

What? No snappy comeback for that?
I'm disappointed.

I can see where this is going.

Can you now?
Good. Because I didn’t what to have to force the explanation.

Wait? What explanation?

You just said you know where this is going!?!

I thought you were being overly dramatic as usual.
I didn't think you were being serious.

I am never overly dramatic!

Lies.
All lies.

...

Shut up, I am not.
End of story.

Okay, fine.
Whatever you say.

Thank you.

But I know the truth.

Like anyone would believe you.
You're strange.

Point.

And this STILL has nothing to do with what I’m talking about!
Stop distracting me already, damn it!

Sure.
What did I supposedly not do, or do, depending on what you're trying to blame me for?

You blew me off!

When?
I don't remember that.

What do you mean when you ass!?
You know exactly what I'm talking about!

Nonsense.
I have a terrible memory, don't you remember?

Fuck. You.

You seem really upset about it.

Of course I'm upset!
You blew me off!!

Good, because I wanted you to know how I felt by returning the favor.

When have I ever blown you off?
And I don’t mean blowjobs, you ass!

This morning.

I did not!

Oh, yes you did.
I remember.

As if that's a valid argument.
And if this is about when you tried to have sex before I was even properly awake, I did not blow you off.

I consider you pushing me away blowing me off.
The smack also didn't feel very welcoming.

First off, you're hand was like ice and it startled me.
Second, I wasn't pushing you away, I was stretching and trying to wake up!

Excuses.

I was!
I started stretching to wake myself up more and then you rolled over and went back to sleep, old man.

I quote: "Lies. All lies."

You can't take my words out of context and use them against me like that!
I can’t believe you!
You’re pissed at me because you misunderstood and now you’re just being an ass so you don’t have to admit you were wrong.

That’s not true.

Then what’s with blowing me off when you KNEW I was offering sex?

I just wanted to see how pissed you’d get if I ever did it.

Well, congratulations!
I'm really pissed off!!
Hope you're happy as a fucking pig rolling in shit when I throw your god damned dead ass in the pen with them!

...

What?! No defense again?
Have I rendered you speechless?!

To be honest... This might have backfired a bit.

Oh, really?
And why's that?

Well, for starters you were supposed to get angry sooner.

Excuse me?

When I decided to blow you off, I was expecting you to get mad then.
Not silently glare at me and then leave the house.

What did you think was going to happen?

Was kind of hoping that we'd have a bit of a fight that led to some really intense sex and not, y'know, an actual fight.

God.
I'm engaged to a retarded sex fiend.

Who you love.

Who I love.
And want to strangle sometimes.

See, maybe you're parents were on to something after all.

That does not make this any better, Kyo.
In fact, it makes me consider staying away longer.
Perhaps the crazy will have calmed down before I get back.

Speaking of… Where the hell are you?

The store.

Again?

Yes, again.
You smoked all my cigarettes. The very things you’re not supposed to be touching anymore, remember?

I have problems with authority.
And also my memory.

Is it sad that I can tell you're proud about both of those facts?
You're probably smiling at the phone thinking you're being oh, so clever right now with that text.

I would, but I'm still upset over not getting to have makeup sex because you're at the store again.

I needed the cigarettes. Especially, if I'm going to make it through the rest of the day with you.
Also, we needed more milk.
Which reminds me; why the hell were there five empty milk cartons just sitting on the counter?
I was only gone for a week.
How the hell did you manage to drink that much milk?

I didn’t.

Are you trying to tell me that you gave Mr. Squidge that much milk over the last week?
Jesus. How is he still alive?!

He only had one carton to himself.
The rest I just poured down the drain.

Dare I ask why?

I wanted the empty cartons so I could have an epic battle with the missing children.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

You not responding has me very considered.
Are you still planning to kill me?

-----

“You are so lucky that I love you more than I want you dead right now.” Ruki muttered the moment he suddenly appeared in the kitchen. Nearly giving Kyo a heart attack as he had his back facing the doorway as he grabbed another cup of coffee. Completely surprised to see Ruki back already.

Smirking at the sight of his overly frustrated fiancé, Kyo watched as the younger man stomped his way further into the kitchen. “Thought you said that meant you were going to kill me?” he joyfully reminded Ruki. Raising his voice so that he could easily be heard over the slam of the cabinets and refrigerator being violently opened and closed.

Crossing the short distance to his lover, Ruki gave Kyo a harsh glare and a shove to his shoulder. Angrily puffing away at the end of his cigarette in his other hand. “Keep it up and I’ll conveniently drop this lit cigarette down the front of your pants.”

“But that would damage important equipment,” Kyo snickered, delivering a quick kiss on a pale cheek. “And I can’t exactly cheer you up with damaged goods.”

A muffled order for him to shut up was Kyo’s only response as Ruki tried to walk away but was pulled into Kyo's eager arms and hungry kiss with little fight. Easily allowing the man to take his nearly burned out cigarette from his hand so that the two could continue without fear. Well, fear on Kyo's part. Ruki may have accepted the kiss without a fight, but Kyo also knew that Ruki was a devious and sometimes cruel man. He would not put it past him to actually burn him with a cigarette and claim it was an accident. Because if there's one thing Kyo has learned, it's to never trust a smiling or sweet Matsumoto.

Vipers. The lot of them.

"I'm sure this counts as making up," Ruki said with a lustful voice, slowly raising up Kyo's shirt to lightly scratch and knead at hard muscles. But before he could actually pull the older man's shirt off, Kyo had Ruki thrown over his shoulder as he marched up towards their bedroom accompanied by Ruki's laughter and lackluster complaints.

"Don't worry, babe. You can kill me later."

Chapter Text

Hello, Ruki-kun.
I know you probably don't know this number, but it's just me, Nikkura Kaoru.

Kaoru? As in leader of Dir en Grey, Kaoru?

The one and only.

Just Kaoru my ass. Lol
Truly an honor man!

The honor is mine. Though I will admit I had hoped to meet you in person before this.
But desperate times and all.

Uh, okay? Little confused to be honest.
Though I would love you meet you and the others.
I've only asked Kyo a million times to introduce us.

Considering how long the two of you have been dating, you would think we'd have been introduced to each other long before this, right?
Sadly, we're dealing with Kyo here.
Honestly, I was proud enough that he both knew and remembered the name of the person he was seeing.

You're not making me feel any better, y'know.

Oh. Yeah, that probably came out wrong.
See this is why I hate texting. Everything I write seems to come out either insensitive or condescending.
I apologize for how harsh that came out, but you shouldn't be surprised. I'm sure by now you've noticed how his memory is.

I do now. But in the beginning, I thought he was doing it on purpose.
But like you said, after all this time I know better.
So I'm not surprised he hasn't introduced us. I don't think he realizes it's something most people DO.

Doesn't help that he's emotionally stunted as well.

Kaoru-san!

Oh, don't act coy. I've seen some of the things you say to each other.
But I didn't text you to complain about Kyo's lack of social skills.
No, wait.
Yes, I did. But I also need to talk to you as well!

What?! Why?

Because this only started because of you!

I still don't see what I've done wrong.

Please, for the love of my career and my white hair count, stop sexting Kyo while he's at the studio.
He's difficult enough to focus on one task without any outside distractions. Plus, your messages have also been distracting Toshiya.

I'm sorry, but... What the fuck is sexting?

Sexually implied text messages.
Totchi informs me this is the correct term for the kind of messages you're sending to each other.

First of all, how the hell does ANYONE, much less you or Toshiya-san, know what kind of messages I've been sending Kyo?
And what does this have to do with Toshiya-san?
Is that asshole reading them aloud or something?

My knowledge of these messages was purely accidental and an immediate regret on my part.
Totchi on the other hand... Might have made it his mission to find out who Kyo has been texting so often.

Uh huh.

While I apologize for the breach of privacy, I would still like to ask that you refrain from sending him any messages while at work.

So he reads them?

Pardon?

Kyo. He reads my text messages?

Every single one. Usually, the moment he receives them, if not soon after.
Why?

No particular reason.
Just curious.

Meaning Kyo has been lying and saying he doesn't have time to read or respond to all of them?

Uh... Well, yes?

I'm not surprised.

Not surprised because he does this often to people he "dates"?
So he can laugh about my stupid texts to other people?
That asshole!

Whoa! Timeout!
Not what I was saying or meant to imply in the least.

I going to fucking kill him.

God, I fucking hate texting!
Slow down! It's not what you think, I PROMISE!

I'm thinking a lot of things right now. None of them good.

Again, I apologize. This is all coming out horribly wrong.
Yes, Kyo shares some of your messages with Toshiya. Not all, but some.

Not helping with the murderous rage Kaoru-san.

Please, just hear me out Ruki-kun.
Obviously, we both know Kyo pretty well...?

Not too sure about that at the moment, but yeah, sure.

And we both know Kyo's not exactly the most open person in regards to his own emotions and feelings.
Sometimes he needs a little... help.

Are you telling me that Kyo is asking Toshiya for help to respond to my texts?!

He's probably going to kill me for telling you, but yes.
He's not exactly the suavest person in the world, lets be honest.
Also, he has very little experience with relationships and apparently doesn't know how to respond to some of your more obvious flirting texts.

I find this both strangely adore and horribly embarrassing.
All at the same time.

The feeling is mutual.
It's like watching a kid brother in his first relationship.
Very cute. But very annoying because we have shit we need to do today.

Lol
I don't think it's the texting that's making your messages sound harsh, Kaoru-san.

Eh, people can deal.
The point is; stop texting Kyo while he's at work. Or if you can't, at least tone it down.

Considering the blackmail material you just handed me, I would happily do whatever you wanted Leader-sama.

Thank you.
I think?

So glad we could finally connect and have this moment. I look forward to meeting you in person soon!

As do I.
Hopefully, Kyo will pull his head out of his ass before we have to stage the meeting ourselves.
Have a wonderful day Ruki-kun.

 

-*-*-*-*-

 

You're in so much trouble.

Good morning to you too Ruki. I'm doing great, thanks for asking.
How's your day been?

Oh, my day has been amazing.
I had this very informative talk with Kaoru-san this morning, mostly about you and our texts.

Oh.

Kyo.
My sweet, darling Kyo.

...

If it wasn't for the fact that I find this partly adorable I would kill you.
Just want to put that out there.

So I'm off the hook?

I said I wasn't going to kill you. Not that I don't plan to torture you for the rest of eternity.

Shit.

First things first!

No.
I'm turning off my phone.
Fuck that. I'm throwing it in the fucking ocean.

I know where you work.
And live.
And your two favorite hideouts.
And I'm on first name basis with your driver who by the way thinks I'm super sweet and cute.

...

Escape is futile.

Please tell me you weren't flirting with my driver?

KYO!
I'm trying to threaten you and the first thing you ask is if I was flirting with your driver?!

Yes.

You're so fucking unbelievable.

I'm also very handsome, adorable, and I know how to fuck you just right.

We're already dating.
I'm more than aware of what you have to offer. There's no need for you to sell yourself to me, dumbass.

Just wanted to remind your of my finer qualities.
Just in case.

Uh huh.
There will be no mercy from me this time.

I love you.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Ruki?

If you're just using those words as a plea bargain, I'm going to kill you for real this time.

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

I love you.

Kyo!

How would you feel up to dinner with the band tonight?
I would like for you to meet my closest friends.

God damn you.

Is that a yes?

Yes it's a fucking yes!

Good.
I'll text you with the time and place once we've settled on something, okay?

Yeah. Okay. Definitely.
I love you too, y'know?

I know.
I'll talk to you in a little while, gorgeous.

Yeah.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think I broke you with that.

Fuck you!
I'm a little stunned right now and I can't really think!

...

That does not mean you can use those words to get out of every argument from now on!

In that case, I'll just have to fall back on my finer qualities.

Lol
You're such a bastard.

Mhm.
Now I need to go.
Kaoru's been glaring at me for the last ten minutes.

Fine.
I'll talk to you soon.

 

~*~*~*~Five Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Ruki-kun.
I thought we had an agreement.
I'm very disappointed in you.

Sorry, Kaoru-san!

Chapter Text

Do you know of anyone interested in adopting a cat right now?
Specifically a munchkin kitten approximately 4 months old?

Kyo.
You're not giving away your cat.

But I make a terrible owner and you have a mild phobia of cats.
Therefore we shouldn't have one.
It's bad for moral.

Kyo.
We are not getting rid of Mr. Squidge.

Please?

Why?

I thought I already explained this to you.

And I'm calling bullshit.
I was there when you picked out Mr. Squidge, you two fucking bonded or some shit, so I know you really don't want to get rid of him.

I did not bond with a cat.

Let me repeat myself for those too stubborn to understand.
I call Bull Shit.

...

But obviously something must have happened for you to be so upset.
So what was it?

Nothing.

Uh huh.

...

Come one. You can tell me.
I promise not to laugh too much.

I refuse.

Because I won't let you get rid of Mr. Squidge?

Yes.

You wanted a cat.
I'm just making sure you enjoy the ENTIRE experience.

I hate you.
I hate this stupid cat too.

Mr. Squidge is not stupid.
He's a kitten and that means he's going to be curious and adventurous until you train him.

I don't remember agreeing to this.

Oh, don't worry Kyo!
I have the messages saved on my phone just in case!

Stop being so happy about this.
It's not funny.
And how many of our messages do you have saved?

This is hilarious.
And I save them all.
Every Last One.

Why?

For blackmail.
Duh.

Of course.

But we're getting off track here.
You were going to tell me what set off Mr. Short Temper.

...

Get it? Because you're short and angry all the time. Lol

...

I thought it was good.

Your ideas are never good.

Liar. I'm a genius.

...

Certifiably gorgeous genius.
My ideas are always great. Not that you would know since you hardly ever listen to me.
Y'know, you'd probably spare yourself a lot of stress and anger if you just followed my advice.

...

Are you going to tell me what happened yet?
Or do I need to start guessing soon?

...

Come on. You can tell me~

Uh. You're not even here and I can tell you're cooing at your phone like it's really me.

Is it working?

No.

Uh huh.

Stupid got sick sometime in the middle of the night and did it in a place I'd have no choice but to... stumble across it.
It was a lovely surprise first thing in the morning.

He's not stupid.

He puked on the bed.
He's stupid.

Okay, first off... Why is he in the bed?
I thought you said animals weren't allowed on the bed.

He gets lonely?

Fine, at least tell me what part of the bed he got sick on so I know where to avoid for the next eternity.

Your pillow.

What?

Your pillow.

You are such a fucking asshole.

He likes sleeping on your pillow.
Isn't that supposed to be cute?

Not when he gets sick all over it!!!

Eh... So, that happened.
Not a pleasant start to the day to say the least.

Gee, I wonder why?!
It's probably your fault anyway.

Lies.

Did you forgot to give him his meds again? Or give him the meds LATE, like y'know, the vet told you not to do?

...

Okay, so one of those is true, obviously. And that means that the reason Mr. Squidge is sick is uh... well... YOU.
So who's the stupid one here?

Why'd I have to get the only cat in Tokyo who would somehow manage to get fleas and then have an allergic reaction to them?

What with your weak immune system being what it is. He reminds me of you.
In fact, I call that a match made in heaven. You sure can pick 'em Kyo!

Stop laughing at me.

So he got sick. That's no reason to get rid of him Kyo.

I had to do laundry.
At 9 in the morning.

And it looks like you survived the experience.
Congratulations!

...

So that's it?
Mr. Squidge got sick once and you're ready to ship him off like nothing?

He also messed up the recordings.

What?!
How'd he get into the home studio?

...

Kyo!

He just kept following me around, crying.
Jumping into my lap, begging for attention.
What was I supposed to do?

Did it ever cross your mind to use the baby gate?

But then he'd get lonely and cry more.

Uh huh.
So then it's your fault.
Again.

...

Oh, stop pouting.
Your cat wants to spend time with you.
It's a good thing!

Not when said creature is this retarded.

For the last time, Mr. Squidge isn't stupid. He's a kitten!

If he's mine, he's stupid.
Mr. Stupid.

Argh.
I don't have time for this.
I'm needed back on set soon.

...

Don't think you're off the hook just yet mister!

What?
Why am I in trouble?

You let him get sick in the bed!

I didn't LET him.

Doesn't matter. It's your fault it happened.
Meaning you're the one who needs to throw out the WHOLE bedding set and replace it.

I already washed everything Ruki.
It's fine.

No, the fuck it is!
I refuse to sleep on anything someone threw up on. Cat or not!

But it's your beloved Mr. Squidge.

I don't care if it was Jesus Christ! I am not sleeping on it.

...

Kyo!

Fine. I'll get a new bedding set.

Good! Maybe that'll teach you to stick to the schedule of meds the vet told you to.

Stupid fucking cat.

And stop calling him stupid!!

He's mine, he's stupid.

Uh, whatever. I have to go now.

...

I miss you too, you big crybaby.
I'll see you when I get home tomorrow.
In the meantime, you're not allowed to get rid of Mr. Squidge.

Damn.

Or kill him.

Fine.
I guess I'll just have to settle for burning the bedding and imagine it's Mr. Stupid.

Kyo.

...

It's okay, Kyo.
I know you're only angry because you love and worry about him so much.
Like me.

I hate you both.

You're so sweet!!
We love you too~

I'm surrounded by idiots.

Chapter Text

Hey, Kyo! I have a favor to ask.

 

~*~*~*~Five Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Don't start this shit with me already, Kyo.
Ruki told me you were awake and answering your phone.

Hang on, there's been a slight problem.
I need to find my phone first.

Sure, no problem.
I can wait until you find it.

 

~*~*~*~Two Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

You find it yet?

Nope.

Want me to ask Ruki if he knows where it is?

No, no.
I got this.

 

~*~*~*~Two Minutes later~*~*~*~

 

Oh my God. You ASSHOLE!!!
Why would you DO something like that?!

So many reasons, but mostly because it makes me happy.

You demented, little piece of shit!!!
I can't believe I fell for that!!!

I can't believe you fell for it for over five minutes straight.
It's a new personal record Blondie.
I'm so impressed.

Fuck you!
Just... Fuck you!

Terribly sorry Blondie, but I'm spoken for.
You'll have to ask Ruki for permission to fuck.

Eww.
No. Never.
I'd sooner kill myself than sleep with you.
God, the nightmares...

Nightmares? So you've dreamt of it happening and multiple times even?
Blondie, I had no idea how deep your feelings for me were.
I can't accept though.

God, why are you still talking?
I want out of this conversation.
Help! Someone send help!

Now, now. No need to be so dramatic.
Desiring me isn't a bad thing. Just look at Ruki. He the perfect example of strong mental health.

I hate you.
You're such an dick.

Is that why you always bring up dicks and fucking when you talk to me?
Is it some secretive way of you admitting your love for me?

I. Will. Kill. You.

Well that escalated quickly.

FUCK YOU!!!!
I'm done, I can't even... No.
Just, no.

Wait! Don't go Blondie!
I'm sure we can work this out without hurting Ru-chan's feelings!

Die already!!!

You want to involve Die as well?
Wow, Blondie has a big appetite.

ARGH!!!!!

 

~*~*~*~Twenty Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

I don't know what you did to piss him off but Reita is practically breathing fire right now.

I wasn't aware our dear Blondie was a dragon. My how quickly they grow.

Yeah, well, this dragon is out for blood and the preferred type is yours.

Oh, I'm sure it is.

Whatever you said or did really set him off.
Kai and Uruha have been trying for the last half an hour to convince Reita not to storm out of the building to murder you.

Dang. I guess I'll just have to stay at the studio all day and cower in fear.

Cute.
What the hell did you say to him to get him so mad anyway?

I was just playing with his dim light bulb again.

Please tell me you didn't?

I can't help it.
Though today's conversation lead to some very enlightening news.

I'm scared to ask.

Oh, it's nothing too bad.
I just found out Blondie harbors a crush on both Die and I.

What?!
Since when?

I'm not sure exactly, but it's been awhile.
He's admitted to having multiple dreams about me after all.

I'm sure each and every one has been different ways he's wanted to kill you over the years.
Hardly surprising, but I don't see how that could lead you to believe he has a crush on you.
And when did Die get involved in this?

The Die thing might have been a stretch, but Blondie hasn't denied it.
Must be too shy about admitting all his feelings in one day.
It's okay.
We'll give him time to recover before asking for more details.

Please don't.
In fact, I don't think the two of you should talk to each other ever again.
For the rest of eternity in fact.

But Blondie had a favor he wanted to ask me.
I can't abandon my paramour. Our love is fragile right now.

You're getting way too much enjoyment out of this.
I need you to stop.

Shame.
I told Blondie he should have gotten permission first.

What?
What the hell are you talking about?!

Ah, young love.
It never last.

Right...
I think I'm just going to leave you alone right now.
You and your sassiness can just hang out together while I get some work done.

You're leaving me Ru-chan? I'm hurt.
Is it because of my affair with Blondie, however brief it was?

Y'know, if he does escape the building to come murder you...

...

I might just accompany him. Maybe even help.

If you want to come over here, I'd be more than happy to let you do whatever you want to me.
No Blondie or murder necessary.

Oh, really?

There's even an empty conference room just down the hall.
I swiped the keys.

How could I ever resist such a tempting offer?

You don't.

Good point.
Plus, I can drop off Rei's package.

Wait.
What package?

The package he asked you to give to Toshiya-san.
Duh.

He didn't mention anything about a package aside from my own.

Since I'm sure he said nothing about your dick...

...

I thought he texted you earlier to ask you to give it to Toshiya-san for him?
Or at least that what he said.
I figured you guys had talked about it because you mentioned Rei's favor.

Honestly, we never really got past Blondie's confession.
So this is all new to me.

Oh. Well...
Yeah, so Miyavi-kun sent Rei some shirts from overseas, but he's not too big a fan.
I told him just to ask you to give the package to Toshiya-san since he favors those styles and they're similar enough in size so the fit should be okay.

Yeah, sure. I can give him the package tomorrow when he comes in.
Do you have it with you?

I'll bring it with me on my way over.

Good.
I'll see you then.

Great! I'm heading out now since Kai's still distracted with Rei.

Wait. Before you leave...

What?

Tell Blondie I'm sorry we couldn't be together but I'm a one Ruki man.

Lol
You're just asking to get killed now.

What if I send Die over there to comfort him in his grief?
Do you think sparks will fly?

I think if you want to get laid in the near future you should stop talking about Rei and other men.

...

Good boy.

Chapter Text

What the hell Kyo?!
Just...
WHAT in the fucking hell?!

I'd like to know too.

What did you DO to your hair?

Oh. Yeah.
That.

Yes, that!!!

I cut it.

No, you didn't!!
Cutting it means shortening the length. It's just fucking GONE!

Melodramatic much?

I can't believe you.

Relax. It's just a simple cut.

A simple cut?!
There's nothing simple about this!
God, WHY!?

Because I didn't want to deal with it anymore.

You didn't want to deal with it anymore?

Yes, that's what I wrote.

I'm just having a difficult time wrapping my head around such an idiotic statement.
You didn't want to DEAL with it anymore?!
It's your fucking hair! Why the hell wouldn't you want to deal with it anymore?!

 

~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Oh, no you don't! You are not ignoring me about this!

 

~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

God damn it Kyo! You answer me right now.
Why the fuck did you cut off all your hair?
And I want a real answer this time, dickhead!

 

~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Was it to get back at me?
Are you trying to make me kill you?
Like, is this some form of passive-aggressive suicide by driving me to kill you instead of just jumping off a bridge?

Now that's a little extreme.

Then why?
Because I certainly can't see a good reason why you would do something so horrible.

...

Do you have some form of terminal cancer you've neglected to mention and now your hair is falling out so you just cut it all off so I wouldn't know?

Again. A little extreme.

THEN TELL ME!

...

Oh, god.
I have to start planning your funeral and figuring out what to tell our friends, our coworkers, your family, the press...

I'm not dying.

COULD HAVE FOOLED ME!!!

Calm down. It was just a mistake.

A mistake!?! Your hair is completely gone and you call that a MISTAKE? It's a fucking tragedy is what it is!

It's hair Ruki.

No, it is not!
It is part of your image. It's part of your sex appeal.
It's part of the reason I find you so god damn attractive. Losing it is like the equivalent of losing your dick to me.

Are you fucking serious?

Yes!

So because I cut off all my hair you don't think I'm attractive anymore?

I said it lowered your sex appeal in my eyes. Not that you're completely unattractive now.

Right.
Because that makes me feel better.

How do you think I feel?!

...

It was a rhetorical question, ass.
I guess I should feel grateful that it was only your hair this time. It'll grow back pretty quick.
Hopefully.

You should like such a disappointed mother.

I feel like one!
I honestly feel like a mother who walked in on their child surrounded by chunks of hair and a pair of scissors.
Only yelling won't fix this and I can't even smack you over the head because we're not even in the same country right now.

Lucky me.

Ugh, why couldn't you do something less extreme like get another shitty tattoo?
We could have covered that up with makeup easily.

Maybe I didn't want another tattoo.
Maybe I wanted to cut off all my hair?

Obviously you're damaged in the head.
But it's okay.
We can fix this. I think.

This conversation is feeling very one-sided.

Maybe we can get you a nice wig?
No, that won't work. You've already done the damned interview practically bald.
No one will believe you have a full head of hair two days later.

...

What kind of mistake made you think cutting it all off would be a better alternative?

 

~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Kyo?

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Seriously, Kyo. I'd like to know what made you think this was the answer?

 

~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Kyo!

 

~*~*~*~ Two Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Are you seriously ignoring me about this?

 

~*~*~*~ Five Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Jesus. It's just hair Kyo!

Exactly.

Meaning what?

It's just hair, Ruki. It'll grow back.
I don't see the point in getting so upset over it.

Because you look-- You look--

Yes?

Ugh.

I look 'ugh' without hair? Well, that certainly inspires a lot of confidence in a person.

Like you really care. You probably did this just to spite me.

Yes, that's exactly it Ruki. You've discovered the very thing that motivates me to make any and all decisions about my life.

It certainly wouldn't surprise me if you did.

Oh, for the love of-- The stylist made a mistake and burned a patch of my hair.
Rather than let her try and fix it, I told her just to cut the hair away.
I didn't realize how close to the scalp she burned the hair until she started cutting. By then it was too late so I just had her buzz it off.

She BURNED your hair?

Yes.

How? WHY?

She wasn't really paying attention.
Held the straighter on my hair too long and ended up burning the hair.

How the hell didn't you notice?!

I was busy.

Doing what? Staring at her tits?

Texting you actually.

Oh.

...

Fine. You're forgiven.

Thanks, I think?

Did you have her arrested for assault?

It was an accident Ruki.
It wasn't like she attacked me with it.

She's waving around a heated piece of metal in front of your face without proper concern for your wellbeing.
She could have seriously hurt you.
Therefore she deserves to be in jail.
Did you at least fire her?

You know I don't have control over things like that.
But Kaoru did talk with management. She's been removed from our crew and transferred to another company.

She's lucky I wasn't there.

She's lucking indeed.
You would have probably traumatized the poor woman for life.

She would have deserved it.
That bitch just cost me three months worth of enjoyable sex.

...

I'm kidding. You haven't suddenly become unappealing to me just because you're bald.

I'm not bald.

Close enough.

...

This just simply makes it awkward now.

Why?

Because I always refer to you as my dirty old man as a joke and now you're bald.
People are going to start thinking it's true now.
They'll probably start thinking your my sugar daddy or my pimp.
Awkward.

...

If you start asking me to call you daddy this whole engagement is off.

Right.
I'm going to go take a shower now.
Try and wash off the horrible things I've just been subjected to over the last hour.

Just don't look in the mirror, Kyo.
Replacing a mirror in the Hilton is very expensive and we really can't afford it at the moment since we're getting you a nice, expensive wig.
Interview be damned!

...

Enjoy your shower Daddy.

You're a little shit, y'know that?

I love you too, Baldy.

Chapter Text

I hate stupid people.

...

No, really. I hate stupid people.

This is unusual.
Normally I'm the one proclaiming their hatred of the human race with you acting as their last defense.

That's still true.
I just don't think everyone is completely unsalvageable like you do.

But?

But obviously there's always an exception to the rule.
Like the fucker I met today.
Now there's a guy who could use a little death.

A little?

Yes. Just a little death.
But lots of pain. And suffering.
For all of eternity.
That sounds lovely.

You sound homicidal.

I'm getting there.

May I suggest an alternative?

Unless this alternative is you killing him for me after hours of torture, then no.
I don't want to hear anything about it.

Oh, I can have the honors?

I need something to help me relax after all the stress today.
Watching you mangle someone sounds perfect right about now.

Stop.
You're making me blush.

God. We're so weird.
Are we really having a conversation about enjoying another person's demise?

Oh, I'm having a great time.
Please. Don't stop on my account.

It was just so stupid!
The whole thing!
And the guy was even dumber than I thought was possible from another human being.

Want me to knock him down a few pegs?

Please.
I would welcome the sight of this asshole getting knocked down a few feet.
Like, maybe, six feet.
Yeah, that sounds perfect.

...

God, I'm back to the murder again.
What is wrong with me!?

I could start a list.
But I won't.

That's very wise of you.
Especially since you know I'm out for blood right now.

Oh, it has nothing to do with you being mad.
I supply the penis after all.

Excuse me?

Therefore I know I'm safe from future harm.

You do realize I can just have your dick cut off after I've killed you?
There is such a thing as human taxidermy.

...

Or I could just drop your ass now and find a new penis.
I'm sure there's be plenty who would love to play the part of my sex toy.
No sass necessary.

So about this man I was going to murder for you?

What's this?
Don't like the idea of me finding some new dick to bounce my ass on?
I assure you I'll try my very best to find one as close to your dick as possible.
Since it's simply so amazing after all.

No, no.
I like our old conversation much better.
Y'know, the one about murder and you relaxing and stuff...

Do you want me to remain pissed off the whole day?

I can't exactly kill a man for just making you angry.
I need a little information here.

Fine.
Earlier today, this dick wad text me to announce that my grandmother has passed away in this big, elaborate message.
Multiple times.
During rehearsals I might add.

Wait, what?
I thought both your grandmothers were dead.

They are.
For years now.

Okay.
I assume you informed the guy of this?

Oh, yeah.
Told him all about my grandmother being dead for years now, but thanks for the update.
Then he got pissed at me.

He got pissed at you?

Yep.
Really pissed.
Started texting me in bold and overly large characters that I should be more respectful and compassionate.
Grandmother Camille is dead and if I had a heart then I would be calling home now to talk to mom -- Blah, blah, blah.

I thought your grandmothers were Kaoko and Rin?

Mhm.

...

Needless to say, I shut the guy up real quick when I stated that, once more, both of my grandmothers have been dead for 15 years or more. While it was a tragedy, I've moved on already. But thanks for the talk.

I'm guessing this is when the guy fucks up.

No. He fucked up many texts ago when he didn't simply bow out of the conversation after I told him that my grandmother was already dead.
This little shit, however, had the nerve to call me.
TO CALL ME.
To fucking tell me that I was a dickhead for not simply telling him, "Oops, wrong number."
That he didn't appreciate my sarcastic comments or rude responses.

Uh...

How the hell is it my fault that he texted the wrong number?

It's not?

Exactly!
And why the hell are they just texting a bunch of random numbers?
If the moron had been paying attention AT ALL then it would have been obvious that he had the wrong number.

So he's not that smart.

Obviously!
But again I'm the retard for not immediately telling him, in a polite manner, that he had the wrong number.

You're far from retarded.

Thank you!
Then the guy had to harp on the fact that he never wanted to know anything about either of my dead grandmothers. Especially considering his recent loss.
Fucking asshole!

...

I know right!
All this coming from the mother fucker who just text me about his grandmother?
Like, really?
How hypocritical can a person be?
Fucking dick!

Uh huh.

And furthermore, what kind of person simply texts a family member to say a loved one has died anyway?
What? Are they too good to call the person directly?
Didn't think that little tidbit of information was important enough, that dear old, dead Camille didn't deserved at least a phone call to announce her death?

You really fired up about this guy.

I'm fucking pissed off is what I am!!
I spent nearly twenty minutes cussing this fucker out as he tried multiple times to pin the blame on me.
By the time I hung up, I wouldn't be surprised if they had already buried the poor woman.
For such a caring and decent human being worried about his dead grandmother, he certainly spent a lot of time arguing with me.

Why?

Because he's an asshole and I needed to put him in his place because obviously Death missed with that huge fucking scythe of his and took out the wrong family member.

Ouch.

I'm sure Camille felt the same way!

Babe, I think you need to let this go.

I know but it just pissed me off so much.
It still does.

Let the retard go.

Ugh!
I couldn't concentrate on anything after that.
My parts in the rehearsals were just abysmal and now Kai's worried that I'm getting sick since I couldn't focus.

Did you explain what happened?

Yes and the bastard simply laughed at me and then told me to go home.

...

I was fully expecting you to laugh at me.
Kind of shocked you didn't, in fact.

Maybe I didn't feel like getting murdered today?

Smart man.
But now I'm back to being pissed again, so I take back that compliment since you're the one who caused it.

Do I get compliments if I can make you laugh?

You can have whatever you want if you can get me to SMILE right now.

Really?
That is a tempting offer.

Please. I welcome a change in mood.

In that case...
Had any really good dick lately?
Because rumor has it I have an excellent supply. Simply amazing.

Oh. My. God.

...

You're unbelievable.

Does that mean I can have my prize now?

What makes you think I laughed at that?

Because I know you.

Fine.
I might have cracked a smile.

...

After laughing at it.
You really are ridiculous sometimes, y'know that?

This coming from the man who text me about murder and torture being his method of stress relief and relaxation?

True.
I could really use some relaxation right about now.

In that case, why don't you have a soak in the bath with some of those jasmine bath salts my mother sent.
They'll help you relax until I get home and properly put you in your place.

That was both really sweet and really dirty at the same time.
I'm impressed.

I aim to please.

Until you piss me off again and I have to go on a journey for new dick.
But pfft... How often does that happen?

...

Lol
Love you too, you egotistical bastard.

Keep it up and I'm withholding the dick part of this treatment.

I'll behave, I promise.

Lies.
But I love you too.
I'll see you when I get home.

I think I might have just smiled again.

Chapter Text

Okay. So. Don't be mad at me.

I don't like where this is going already.

It's nothing bad. I promise.

I don't believe you.

I want a dog.

Why?

Because why the fuck not?

I don't want a dog.
Wait.
Is that why you've been favoriting dog accessories and clothes on my laptop?

Oh, you saw those, did you?

Kind of hard to miss when there's like fifty of them saved to my favorites tab suddenly.

You have to admit they're adorable.
Did you see the designs on some of those? Too cute.
And the sizes? I could just die.
It makes me want a puppy so bad.

We can't get a dog Ruki.

Why not?

Because we're not home enough.
Plus having a puppy is a lot of work and neither of us has the time to really train or take care of one.

I can do it!

Babe. You're about to release your new album.
Trust me. You will not have the time to take care and train a puppy.

But I want one so much!

Well, I don't.
Therefore no.

Too bad. I already bought him.

What?

I. Already. Bought. Him.

Him?
You really went out and bought a dog?
What the fuck Ruki?

Well, actually I bought him from a website because the dogs they had at the local shelters and shops just didn't feel right to me.
None of them felt like my dog, y'know?

No.
No, just no.

You're opinion is invalid at this point Kyo.
It's been finalized.

Then why the hell didn't you just say that from the beginning?
Why drag it out?

Well, I was hoping you'd say it was okay.
Maybe even tell me it's a great idea and to go ahead with it.
But you're a dick, so...

You literally only started talking about wanting a dog last month.
It's not like this has been some life goal of yours that I'm keeping you from.
Not to mention, as the other person living in the apartment, I think I should get a say in this.

No.

Babe. You can't just buy a dog without at least telling me first.
Or asking if I'm okay with it.

But I did.
Don't you remember.
I said I wanted a dog first and then I told you I got one.
See. Perfectly in order.

You're missing the part where I agree to this.

Please?
I really did already buy him.
As in: they're transferring him to our local pet clinic this morning. He's getting his final checkups and then I can bring him home. It's done.

...

So, yeah. We're getting a dog.
Surprise!

Fuck you. This isn't OUR dog.
I'm not even going to be present for this.
I leave for tour. Tonight.
I'll be gone for a month.

Oh, yeah.
Aww, that's sad.
You're going to miss his first days here.
He's not going to know who you are.

Don't act coy. You planned this.
These texts are the closest I'll get to stop you from getting that damned thing.

Koron is not a thing! He's a puppy!

Koron.
You named the dog Koron?

Yes, I did.

What the hell kind of name is Koron?

I wanted to give him a name like mine.

Something fucked up?

No! You ass!
A name that's similar to the original!

I can already tell this dog is going to be messed up.
God save this dog for he's about to be handed to a demon as a personal pet.

Fuck you.
Just for that, I'm charging all of Koron's new things to your account.

The hell you are.

I'll even get him the fluffy bed that says 'Daddy loves you' on the side and tell Koron it's from you.
Just so he knows how appreciated and loved he is.

Does that make you the Mommy then?

No.
I'm his other father.

Nope.
If I'm Dad that makes you Mom.

I'm not a woman.

Just a man pretending to be a dog's mom.

All right, fine. I'll play your game.
Does this mean you've come to terms with our son's adoption?

Please don't word it like that.

Like what?
I'm only talking about the joyful day I get to bring our lovely son home to his forever home.
You must be a proud Papa to have created this wonderful home for our precious boy.

...

Or did you want to be the Mom?
We can still switch it up.
Koron hasn't met either of us yet. There's still time.

...

C'mon Kyo. It's okay to admit you want to be the Mommy.
I'll even let you pick our next child out.

Liar.
I want no part of this.
You want the damned thing so much, you can be both Mommy and Daddy.
I am an innocent bystander.

Koron's not a thing!
And you have to be part of this! We live in the same apartment.

Are you forcing me to adopt your dog?
But, Ruki... I'm not ready for a child yet.

Too bad.

Y'know, I'm kind of glad you aren't a real woman.

Kind of?

I think you'd look amazing with a set of boobs, but that's for another conversation.

What the fuck?!

No, I meant that if you had been a woman I could honestly see you announcing your pregnancy in a similar manner.
"Sorry Kyo, you're going to be a father whether you want to or not. I already flushed my pills down the drain last month. It's already happening."

I would never do something like that!

You're right.
You wouldn't even tell me that before I found out.
I'd just discover a bunch of websites with baby clothes and accessories saved to my laptop.
And then I'd get the news.

I can't tell anymore if you're upset by this.
Or if you're just trying to distract me.

Just having horrible flashes into a reality with you as a woman and future mother.
I think I have PTSD.

Having flashbacks of the war Kyo? Lol
Wait...
You asshole!
If I really was a woman, I would be the best damned thing you happen to your ungrateful ass!
I already am after all.

Who said that?

I better be.

Don't you need to go pick up your thing or whatever?

For the last time... KORON IS NOT A THING!
He's our precious baby boy and you should be nicer to your future son.

It's a dog, Ruki.
And definitely not my son.

We'll see how long that lasts.

By the way, what kind of dog did you get?

Oh. Koron's a black, long-haired Chihuahua.

You couldn't even get a real dog?
You had to get a midget breed?

Excuse me?
What did you just say about my son?

Nothing.
I said nothing.

That's what I thought.

 

~*~*~*~Two Hours Later ~*~*~*~

 

You bitch.

What?

Why the fuck do I have a ¥36000 bill from Barking Boutique on my card?

Wow. You must really love your son, Daddy.
Spending all the money on your precious boy.

I can't believe you.

Pfft. You should know by now never to piss me off.
Just be grateful I stopped there.
That was all from their local store. I haven't even raided their online shop yet.

...

By the way, your new son says thank you for all the gifts you got for him.
He loves them all very much.

...

m2c9q8ClJS1rttikao1_400.jpg

Is that him?

He's so cute.
I love him.
Also the blanket he's on is one of the new things you just bought him.

Just remember I was here first.

Yeah, and you can fuck off now.
I've got Koron to keep me company.
So, y'know, thanks but see ya.

...

I'm kidding.
I'm not ditching you for my new dog.
Even if he is cuter than you. And obviously loves me unconditionally already.

I thought he was ours.

Yeah, no.
He's too innocent to be around you.
You'd corrupt him.

I'd corrupt him?

Yes. Now go away.
I need to spend time with my new baby.

God. You really are like a woman sometimes.

You like it.

...

You better or I'm going on another shopping spree.

Are you forcing my love for you Ruki?
But Ruki... It's too soon.

Too bad. Lol

Chapter Text

So...
Just how much longer are you going to be again?

I don't know. An hour? Maybe less.

I call bullshit.

Why?

Because you said the same thing to me an hour ago! What is taking so long?!

Probably because I'm WORKING, princess. Like most normal people do.
It generally takes a couple of hours to accomplish.

I don't understand why you try to conform to society's ideas of normal and at some of the weirdest times too.
Besides, most people don't have sexy fiancés waiting at home.
Ready to be fucked.

Babe, don't do this to me right now.

Why not?
I'm horny, bored and you promised to be home hours ago!

So read a book or watch a movie.
I'll be home when I can.

I feel very offended that you would tell me to read a book when I told you I wanted you to fuck me as soon as possible.
Like right now.

Babe.

But fine!
If that's what you want me to do, I guess I have no choice.

I refuse to be drawn into this again.
I missed an entire week of rehearsals because of you.
Both Kaoru and Takumi still haven't forgiven me.

That was a really amazing week though.
God, that last day...
I have fantasies about it.

Stop it.

I love when you draw it out like that.
When you keep me on the edge until I feel like I'm losing my mind.

...

Begging you to let me come.

Please.
For the love of God, stop.
I CANNOT do this right now.

But I want your cock so much right now.

Stop it or I'm throwing my phone away.
I refuse to be caught with another hard on in front of the band again.

But Kyo!

No!
Unless you have something important or necessary to tell me that doesn't involve the two of us engaged in any sexual acts, then I am done with this conversation!

Ugh! Fine!
I'll just leave you to wallow in your miserable little pit then, shall I?

Thank you.
And it's called a recording booth for your information.

Whatever, smartass.

 

~*~*~*~Thirty Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Okay. Don't kill me. I have a serious question.

I don't trust you.

I'm being serious, Kyo!

...

I just need your opinion on something real quick.
Won't take long.

Fine.

Icicles-No-5-Sapphire-Spiral-Glass-Dildo-1.jpg
Icicles-No-61-Textured-Realistic-Glass-Dildo-1.jpg
I don't know which one to use tonight. I'm SO in the mood for both, but...
That might be too much. Don'tcha think?

...

Unless I really take my time. Use one after the other...
Draw it out nice and slow like when you do it.
But which to use first?
The blue one has all those big ridges that just feel so amazing.
But the clear one is so much longer, it fills me so much I feel like I could just burst.

Ruki.

Which one do you think I should use first?
I just can't make up my mind.
But I need it so bad right now.

Jesus.

Then again... I do have that new one you got for me.
I haven't tried it out yet but it looks fun.
img_1330.jpg
Hands free too.

I'm going to kill you.

Is that so? Guess I better make sure this new toy is put to good use then.
I'd hate to waste it.

God, why are you doing this to me?
You are literally trying to drive me insane.
Or get me killed.

Nonsense. It's because I love you.
Your dick just happens to be my favorite part of you right now.

...

You should be home around 8, right?
How many times do you think I can come before then?

That number better be zero or so help me, Ruki.

I don't know.
That almost two hours.
Plenty of time to have a few rounds with all these wonderful toys.
But I'm afraid I'll be too tired for anything else after that.

Damn you, you fucking manipulative, little shit.

On your way home early then?

Yes, you damned hellion.

Perfect.
Guess I can save the toys for another time then.

Oh, no.
We're sticking to your original plan.

Oh?

After all of those dirty texts and images, you're not getting off the hook that easily.

Yeah?

Yeah. I'm going to take you apart nice and slow just like you want.
And I'm going to use every single one of those precious toys of yours to do it.
But you won't be allowed to come, not yet.

What if I ask nicely?

You can ask all you want. Beg even.
But naughty boys don't get rewarded for misbehaving.

I promise to behave now.

Liar.
If you want even a chance of being allowed to come tonight you'll do everything I say.

You do remember who you're talking to right?

And no sass.
I'll be home soon.
Until then you're not allowed to touch yourself, understand?

What if I'm already touching myself?

Behave.
Or I'll tie you to the bed again with nothing but a weak vibrator to keep you loose and on edge.

Then you better fucking be here in the next twenty minutes.
I don't do well waiting.

Don't I know it.
I should be home very soon.

You better.
We probably only have a few hours before death comes knocking, after all.

...

I imagine Kaoru will be by later to murder us once he realizes you're gone.
Again.

Most likely.
I always knew someday you were going to be the death of me.

And you've loved every minute of it.

Yes, I have.
You horny bastard.

Kettle meet Pot.

Don't make me turn this car around.

tumblr_p80m00QRRo1wxbhzjo1_540.jpg

Jesus fucking Christ.

Oops. Sorry.
You were taking too long.

I'm going to take even longer if I fucking crash the goddamn car.

Sexting and driving, Kyo? That's dangerous stuff.
Wait...
How are you driving right now? You didn't take your car today.

I stole Kaoru's.

Lol
Genius.
Gives us more time before he can kill us.
I like it.

Lord... I just committed grand theft auto so I could rush home to have sex.

After ditching work too.
Because you're a responsible adult who makes good life choices.

Apparently.
I'm marrying you after all.

I love you so fucking much right now.
But if you're not here in the next five minutes I'm using the closest dildo, with or without your permission.

-*-*-*-*-

Ruki didn't even have a moment to do more than sit up in bed after hearing the front door slam open. Kyo was just suddenly there, warm hands wrapping around him, his face, his neck, pulling him into a brutal kiss that made Ruki's toes curl.

"About damned time," he grinned. Eager hands already working to remove Kyo's belt and unbutton his jeans, he'd work on his upper clothes next. After he got his hands on more important things that is.

"God. You're like a cat in heat sometimes," Kyo groaned, pulling his own jacket and shirt off since Ruki was more focused on getting his hands around Kyo's cock.

Instead of responding to the obvious dig, Ruki gave Kyo a harsh squeeze. Just enough to hear the man hiss in a combination of pain and pleasure before giving the already hard length a few good tugs. Just to drive him even more insane, because he could, before leaning forward and swallowing the tip.

"Holy shit--" Kyo panted. Unprepared for Ruki to come at him with such passion. Words quickly lost as Ruki leaned further in, taking more of his cock with an eager hum as painted nails dug into sharp hipbones.

In fact, there wasn't a lot more said at all that night. Unless you count the repeated cries of each other's names. Then there was a lot of that certainly going on.

Chapter Text

Times-Square-Hot-Toys-Star-Wars-Event-002.jpg

Oh, my god.

sotg_08.jpg

No.
No, no, no.
Fuck!
Who told you about this?

Disney-Expo-Japan-2015-Takara-Tomy-Arts-Star-Wars-002.jpg

Okay, stop with the pictures and tell me the name of the person who told you about that fucking museum.
I gave specific instructions for them to keep you away from any announcements or flyers!
What the fuck!?

portada-3.jpg

God damn it Kyo! Knock it off with the Star Wars pictures and answer me!
How did you find out about this?!
Because I need to have someone killed.

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rsz_chuwbacca_friends_eng.jpg

I swear to God if I find out you were anywhere near that fucking building, I will kill whoever told you about it.
Slowly and painfully.

Calm down.
There just pictures Ruki, Jesus.
Though I'm very upset that you apparently already knew about this and plotted to keep me from it.

But not surprised?

I highly doubt this will be the last time you plot against me.
So, no. I'm not surprised.
Merely hurt that you would keep me from something so...

So?

Amazing.

Ugh.

How long have you known about this?

Eh...
I may or may not have...

Yes?

Known about for a while...
Like, I don't know, six months?

...

You weren't supposed to find out about it!

Ruki.
I'm hurt.

Look, I didn't tell you for a reason.
And it's not what you're thinking.

Oh, really?
And what am I thinking?

I didn't keep this from you because I'm jealous or mildly creeped out by your obsession for all things mecha.
Though admittedly it does worry me at times.

...

But that's not the reason!
Nor was I worried I would receive a phone call from Kaoru saying I needed to bail you out of jail because you stole one of the costumes and tried to flee the building with it.

I'm not that bad.

Kyo.
You have an entire wall dedicated to Star Wars.

...

Just Star Wars.
Every other mecha related movie/anime/manga gets lumped together, but not Star Wars.
Star Wars gets it's own dedicated space. Like a fucking weird altar or something.
It's sad and you have a problem.

It's only a problem if it hinders my ability to function as a normal human being.

You were never a normal human being.

Exactly.
Therefore I don't have a problem.

Kyo, that's not how this works.

I don't see how my love for Star Wars is any worse than your love for sunglasses and handbags.
To which you also have an entire wall dedicated for.

It's called a walk-in closet Kyo.
And you had it built for me, I might add.

...

But again, this wasn't actually the reason I hid this from you.

Oh, really?
And what is this so-called "reason" of yours that you would keep something this exciting from me?

I wanted to surprise you.

Surprise me when?
After the exhibit was over and moved on to another country?
Well consider me surprised.
Woo hoo.

Oh, fuck you.
I was waiting to surprise you with tickets for the exhibit when you guys got back from Europe since it would be in Tokyo until the 28th of June.
I TOLD everyone not to say anything because I knew there was another exhibit happening in the UK right now.
And I knew the moment you found out you'd be going straight there.

...

I had wanted it to be something special for just us.
Or, well, for you.
But you're an asshole so I guess that's off the table considering you've already gone to the exhibit.

Were you really going to take me to a Star Wars museum?

God help me, but yes.

Even though you hate sci-fi and think my obsession with Star Wars is weird?

Was even thinking about making it a full weekend so you could geek out to your heart's content.
So yeah.

I didn't go.

What?

The pictures.
I didn't take them. I didn't go.

Yeah. Like I'm going to believe that.

I'm serious.
Ayame sent them to me.
I didn't take them myself.

You went to the exhibit with Ayame?!
Kyo!!

No.
Ayame went on her own. She's the only other person I know who's as big a fan, if not bigger.
She was just excited and accidentally shared the pictures with everyone including me.

What a convenient excuse.
Did she also accidentally drive you there and accidentally spend the whole day with you?

...

Probably accidently fell on your dick too.

Babe.

I know.
I'm sorry.
That was uncalled for.

I swear to you I didn't take the pictures nor did I go to the exhibit with Ayame.

I know.
If you had you would have sent me WAY more pictures than you did.
And I know you'd never cheat. It's just...

...

Ugh.
I know I don't have a right to be upset if you had gone. I did keep it from you and I know how much you love the movies.
But I can't help but feel--
No. Never mind.
If you have the time you should go.
I'm sure Ayame and probably some of the others would love to go if you don't want to go alone.

I'll wait.

You don't have to.
It'll be almost a month before you're back in Japan.
You don't have to wait that long just to go with me.

I'll wait.

Even though I overreacted and plotted against you?

Hasn't stopped me from loving you yet.
So I think I'll be okay with it.

That was so incredibly sappy.
I think I have tooth rot from the amount of sap I was just exposed to.

Says the man who has been planning for the last six months to take me on a date to a Star Wars museum.

What can I say?
I seem to be as crazy about you as you are for a bunch of robots and telepathic aliens.

That must be a lot then.
Rumor has it I have a weird obsession for that kind of thing.
I might have a problem.

Lol
Too bad for you, there's no help coming.

I'll wait.

Sap.

Just keep in mind you willingly tied yourself to this sap.
I have photos and signed documents as proof.
And about ten witnesses.

Only you would bring up our marriage as a threat.

Damn right.
Got to remind you every chance I get: you married this awkward bag of crazy.

Yay me.
I'll be haunted by Star Wars the rest of life. Oh, goodie.

By the way...

No.
I will not wear that damned Leia costume.

...

I may love you, but husband or not, I refuse.

You don't have to wear the full costume.
In fact, I would love it more if you just wore only part of it.

You mean the skirt that shows everything?

Tch.
I was talking about the head piece and collar.
We can forget the rest of the costume. It's overrated.

What?
I would be naked then!

Perfect.

Lol
Yeah, that's a big NO.
Or more like, "not a chance in hell".

Can I make a request for my Christmas present then?

No!

Birthday?

Lol
I'm taking you to a Star Wars museum for two whole days.
Don't push it.

I love you.

That's cheating.
But I love you too.

Chapter Text

Shinya, I need your help.

Good morning Kyo-kun.
How are you this morning?

Yes, fine. Good morning.
Whatever.
I just need a quick favor.

A favor so early in the day? Is everything all right Kyo-kun?

It's fine.
I just need you to tell Kaoru I can't make it in this morning.

Did something happen? Are you sick Kyo-kun?

It's nothing.
I mean... I can handle it on my own. Don't worry.
Look, I just need you to pass the word onto Kaoru.
Say whatever you want or need, but I won't be able to make it today.

If it's nothing too serious wouldn't it be better for you to talk to Kaoru-san yourself?
Even if I do pass on the word, you know Kaoru-san won't be satisfied with that alone.
He'll want all the details and you're being very vague.

Yeah, I know. He's a prickly bastard.

Kyo-kun, that's rude.

Eh. He'll get over it.
Look. Tell him whatever he wants to hear.
I don't care what, honestly. I just don't have time to deal with it today.

Okay, Kyo-kun. I'll inform Kaoru-san of your absence and make your excuses.
Do you plan on returning to the studio tomorrow then?

Yeah, of course.
I'm not sick or anything. Just busy.

Ah. Okay. I'll be sure to let Kaoru-san know of your intended return.
With any luck, I'll be able to keep him from pestering you too much when he eventually calls.

Thanks, Shinya.
I owe you one.

I feel like I just made a deal with the devil, but sure...
You're quite welcome Kyo-kun. I'll see you tomorrow.
Have a nice day.

 

~*~*~*~Twenty Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Getting Shin-chan to do your dirty work again, Kyo?
How heartless of you.

Does it really matter who told you so long as you were told?

True. I am quite surprised you remembered to tell someone you wouldn't be coming in today.
Regardless, I don't appreciate you turning Shinya into your messenger boy.
You should have had the balls to talk to me yourself and inform me of this "business" of yours.

It's not like Shinya minds.
And I just had something personal to take care of.

At nine in the morning?

...

Kyo, you can't even muster up enough brain power to take a shit this early in the day without a memo.
Like hell, I'm going to believe you have "business" to take care of.
Are you in trouble?

No.
Also, fuck you.

Is it something to do with your family? Did your sister hit someone with your car again?

Knowing her... Probably. But that's not what this is about.
I just needed to take care of something, something personal and non-family related, and this was the only time I could do it.

So it's an appointment? Are you in the hospital again, Kyo?
If I find out you had another episode without informing me or anyone else again, I will personally handcuff you to that hospital bed.
You promised me you'd take better care of your health Kyo.

I'm fine.
I'm not sick or dying. And I'm not in trouble in ANY way.

Very reassuring.
So then what are you doing then?
You have work that needs to be completed.
We don't have time for you to play around with your dick or discover another favorite ramen stand.

It's PERSONAL.
And I'm sure Shinya already told you I'd be back tomorrow. It's not like I'll be gone for a whole month or anything.
I'll even stay late tomorrow if it means you'll leave me the fuck alone.

Seven o'clock or I'm activating the GPS on your phone right now.

That's blackmail.

Considering the stunts you've started pulling after getting together with that singer from the Gazette, it's a necessary tool.

...

Seven o'clock or else Kyo.

Fine. I'll work until seven o'clock tomorrow night.
There.
Happy?

Ecstatic.

Great.
Now fuck off.
I have things to do.

Seven o'clock Kyo.
Don't forget.

FINE.
Jesus.

-*-*-*-*-

The noise of the restaurant was calm, quiet. Easily fading into the background as Kyo focused more on the beautiful man across from him. And he is beautiful. More so because it's been over a month since Kyo last saw him in person but also because Ruki's just looks amazing all the time.

At least to Kyo. Who might be slightly biased about it, but who cares.

All the phone calls and texts messages seemed to pale in comparison to having Ruki right here in front of him. Talking, smiling, giving him secretive little looks filled with heat that had Kyo shifting in his seat every time Ruki would pin him in place with one.

Not that Kyo's been tame about their little encounter. From the moment Ruki arrived at their impromptu date Kyo hasn't stopped touching him in some small way. Nothing obvious of course, damn Ruki for suggesting a public place, but little passing touches to Ruki's hair to brush it behind his ear or quick squeezes to a pale hand resting on the table top. Right now he had a loose grip around Ruki's thigh under the table. The gorgeous man had crossed his legs so that his left leg practically fell over both of Kyo's in the seat beside him and Kyo was quick to take advantage. Sliding a hand between them so he could gently caress the man through his black tights out of sight of anyone who would be stupid enough to be watching for such things. Kyo was more than content to listen to Ruki ramble on about their latest stretch in their tour as he sipped on a cup of coffee.

Three rapid pings from his phone let Kyo know he had a few text messages waiting. A quick glance to make sure they weren't from Kaoru, no - simply Die, and Kyo was ignoring his phone once again in favor of his date.

Or at least he hoped to.

Not long after receiving those first few texts, Kyo's phone was suddenly going off over and over again. The rapid flash of multiple messages from Die popping over his lock screen had Kyo quite confused. Honestly, the idiot couldn't have gotten in trouble from here to the studio already? Concerned and mildly annoyed, Kyo pulled his hands away from a pouting Ruki to grab and unlock his phone to read both the new and old messages from Die.

-*-*-*-*-

Hey, Kyo! Thought I just spotted you in Starbucks and just wanted to say CONGRATS Little Man.
Awesome job snagging the cute one from Gaze. He looks like he's really into you!
NICE! ^.~
Anyway, I'm on my way into work. GOOD LUCK buddy!!

 

~*~*~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~*~*~

 

Shit dude. I'm sorry.
Like REALLY sorry.
Shit! I didn't know it was a secret, Kyo. Please don't kill me for this! T_T
I didn't know you ditched work for ass today. DUDE, you need to send out like a group message or something for these kinds of things!!
CODE PURPLE!!! HE KNOWS AND HE'S ON HIS WAY!!!
ABORT! ABORT!

-*-*-*-*-

"Is something wrong?" Ruki asks. Leaning a little closer to Kyo who had practically sunk into his chair in despair.

"Uh," Kyo fumbled. His brain not really registering anything aside from panic and a need to flee. "Look, Ruki, babe... I need to leave right now--"

A harsh hand on his shoulder suddenly pushed Kyo back into his seat and Kyo just knew. Kaoru was here. He was so fucked.

"Good morning, Kaoru-san." Ruki greeted the older man with such an honest and shy smile. Still nervous around any of Kyo's band members despite how many times Kyo's tried to remind him they're all dorks who don't have a problem with them dating. Still...

"Good morning, Ruki-kun. Kyo." At the sound of his name, Kaoru's grip tightened even more on Kyo's shoulder. There will probably be a horrible bruise to go along with it, however, if that's all Kyo suffers after today he'll consider himself lucky. "So sorry to interrupt your... date, but I was wondering if I could borrow Kyo for just a moment?"

The sugary tone and sweet smile easily fooled Ruki who was more than happy to agree to Kaoru taking Kyo away. Kyo tried to convey through terrified looks and hand motions for Ruki to save him, but the blond simply gave him this sweet, evil smile and a cute wave as Kyo was dragged outside. Traitor!

"Don't worry Kyo," Kaoru said, honeyed poison practically dripping from his lips. "You'll be back in no time."

Kyo never made it back to the coffee shop. In fact, Kyo didn't even leave the recording booth, much less the studio, for a long, long time. His only solace for his harrowing day was a simple message from Ruki promising to have dinner and a naughty surprise waiting for him at his apartment later on. If he made it out that is.

Damned prickly bastard.

Chapter Text

Happy birthday Ruki.
I know things aren't ideal right now, but I hope you have a great day with your friends.
Call or text me when you have the time. Y'know, in between work and partying.
Love you.

 

~*~*~*~Two Hours Later~*~*~*~

 

Y'know...
I may joke often about you being a shitty boyfriend, but you don't have to continuously prove me right.

Because wishing you a happy birthday is somehow a terrible thing?
Right.
That makes sense.
And wait a minute... Why the fuck have I been demoted to boyfriend?

Did you ever consider maybe - I don't know - I would have preferred to actually HEAR you wish me a happy birthday.
Or even better, for you to tell me in person.
Instead I get a bunch of half-assed text messages at seven in the morning.
You are literally the worst. Hence the demotion.

...

Also - why the fuck were you even awake at seven?!
You should have been in bed after taking a flight at two in the morning especially when you have a live today.
Are you trying to make yourself sick?

I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday.

Really?

...

You're such a sap.
And I hate it because it makes me miss you even more.

...

It's not fair.

I know.
Did you at least have a fun this morning?

No.

...

Okay, maybe a little.
But I couldn't really enjoy anything.
As much as I love the crew and our manager and appreciate their care and thought for me, it's just not the same.

Meaning you were whining and pouting through breakfast instead of enjoying your birthday like a normal person.

I still think we could have made it work.

Ruki.
We've been over this.

I just don't understand why you won't agree to it. I even timed everything to the minute.

...

What if I fly down to see you?
I don't have anything important today, it'd be easy to get a flight there and back.
No stress on your part for a time constraint and I'd still have enough time for rehearsals and sound checks.

You have a radio interview in less than an hour.
You're not flying anywhere.

But that's the only thing I have to do today.
There's no reason I couldn't take a short flight down to see you after.

Babe.
The answer is still no.

Who said I was asking for permission?
Maybe I already bought the ticket. What are you going to do then?

Call Kai.

But it's my birthday!
I should be allowed to fly out to see my fiancé if I want to.

Not when the flight is over two hours long.
And especially not in between live shows for both of us.
Even if you did fly out, we'd only be able to spend maybe an hour or two together, if that, before you'd have to fly back.
It'd just be a waste of time and money which would be better spend on YOUR birthday.

Spending time together is not a waste of time.
How dare you even imply such a thing!
See! This is why you're being demoted to boyfriend status.

Is that so?
And what happens if you can't get a flight out here or worse yet, a flight back?
Plan on canceling tomorrow's live because you couldn't wait two days?
Kai would kill you, if your manager didn't get to you first, that is.

I could always stay with you until after the live.
We'd have more time and I could always just fly back late.
Or even take an early morning flight.
Barring a natural disaster, I honestly doubt it'll be that hard to get a flight back to Sapporo.

But then you'll be the one flying at two in the morning and knowing your insomnia that means you won't be getting any sleep that night.
No.
I'm not letting you take a flight in the middle of the night. Especially by yourself.

I'm a grown man Kyo.
I can take a flight by myself in the middle of the night if I want to.
And as I mentioned earlier, I just have the radio interview today.
I'm well rested, I can go without sleep for one night. It'll be fine.

The answer is still no.

Kyo!

No.
N. O.
And stop pouting at me.

It's almost like you don't want to see me.

Two days Ruki.
We get through these two days and we'll have nearly three days to spend together.
It's not the end of the world.

It's just stupid that we won't be able to see each other until then.
I hate it.
We're not allowed to schedule anymore lives on either of our birthdays ever again.
Or our anniversary.
Or around important holidays.

You'd have to block out three months back to back if you did that.
I highly doubt management will allow that, much less the fans.

Huh.

Stop it.
We both know you'd never do that.
The band means way too much for that to ever happen.

True.
But I'm tempted.

But you won't.

No, I won't.
Doesn't mean I'm not going to be overly happy about it either.
I could be having birthday sex right now.

Is that what you're really upset about?
That you're missing out on sex?

And my mountain of presents from you.

...

I'm kidding.
Well... No. I am actually kind of upset by the lack of sex right now.
But sex and presents aren't the only reasons I miss you.

Uh huh.

I'm not lying!
I love and miss you. And I really just want to see you.

Liar.

You were supposed to say how much you miss me and love me in return.

Was I?

Ass.

So are you and the guys going out for your birthday or did they celebrate it over breakfast with the rest of the crew?
Or did your whining drive everyone away?

Fuck you.
My friends love me and understand the pain I'm going through right now.
Even if none of them understand why I love you and want to spend time with you.

So... Later on today?

Yeah. We all agreed on going out after the radio interview.
Aoi's convinced he knows of this amazing restaurant that we need to try. Some hidden gem he's discovered recently.
Pfft. As if we haven't been with him every time he's been to Sapporo. It's obviously either a trap or a strip club.

Maybe he researched it.

Aoi research something? For my birthday party?
Uh, no. Not happening.
If it had been Uruha's or even Kai's, I could see it. But not for mine.

Right. Because normal parties are below your standards. Why ever would your friends want to debase you with such blasé practices?

I don't appreciate your sarcasm just so you know.

Maybe he just wanted to surprise you as a birthday gift. Did you ever think of that?

He's never done something like this before.
In fact, Aoi's so determined about going out and celebrating there that I'm a little worried.

Your friends are taking you out to lunch at - hopefully - a nice place and you think it's a trap?
Paranoid much?

I'm engaged to you.

...

Then again we are in an unfamiliar town.
I guess it makes sense they would look up a decent place to go to. Even if it is Aoi...
I just don't think it's as amazing as Aoi believes. Not unless Kai did the research and told him to take the lead on it.

You're putting way too much thought into this.

And you're not putting this down enough.
You almost never miss a chance to drag the guys which is almost as weird as Aoi researching.

Maybe I don't feel like it?
Or maybe I'm just trying to be nice for once.

Now there's a lie if I've ever seen one.
You, nice?
Ha!
You probably set this up, didn't you?

No.

Considering the speed of your denial, I'm going to assume that's a yes.

...

Damn it Kyo!
If you had time to plan and research a restaurant for my birthday, why didn't you come up with a way for us to see each other instead?!

Maybe I'm building up the anticipation?

The anticipation of your death perhaps.

How about you try out this restaurant first and then tell me if you still want me dead after?
Besides, I didn't want you to miss out on time with your friends.

Oh, you think I'll like it that much, huh?
Also, dumbass, we're on tour right now. I'll see them plenty in the upcoming months when tour resumes.
Seriously Kyo. That demotion is starting to become almost permanent at this point.

Don't you have somewhere to be right now?

Yeah, yeah.
But just to let you know... I could be on a plane instead of eating lunch with the band.
There's still time.

For the last time Ruki, no.
You're not flying back just for birthday sex.

And presents.

Babe.

Fine.
Spoilsport.

 

~*~*~*~*~ Two Hours Later ~*~*~*~*~

 

Oh my God.
Kyo!

Yes?

OH MY GOD.

Is that all you can write?
I'm going to need a little more than that to go on.

aded10212acbd3d038a73ed38bae5f7c.jpg
b5507484fc5bf6f4522a2247a9897d7a.jpg

Ah, good.
They arrived safely and on time.

KYO!!!

Yes?

What the hell is this?!

Well...
It looks like to me, that is, a shit ton of birthday presents and a bouquet of roses left in your hotel room.
Probably by your amazing and super hot FIANCE who loves and misses you.

OH. MY. GOD.

Like it?

I'm equally in love and terrified by it.

What?
Why!

One, because you had someone sneak into my hotel room to leave me something.
Granted, it's an actual mountain of presents - like holy fucking shit - but the worst part is the fact that these are all from you.

And how the hell could that be a bad thing?

I have a right to be scared.
These could very well be booby trapped or something.

...

Like bacon lipstick or liquid farts disguised as cologne.

Huh.

If any of these, or all of them, turn out to be nothing but gag gifts, I will smack you so hard.

Sadly, no.
But I'll remember that for next year.

You're not funny.

I'm actually very disappointed in myself right now.
Such a wasted opportunity.
All the pain and suffering I could have heaped upon you with so little effort.

I will murder you.

Doesn't matter anyway because you're stuck with normal, boring gifts from your sweet, loving...
Oh wait. That's not accurate.
What was it you called me earlier?
Oh yes. The literal worst boyfriend ever.
Because you're such a shining example of the perfect future spouse after all.

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

Ruki?

 

~*~*~*~ Ten Minutes Later ~*~*~*~

 

I take it you're opening up the gifts then?

I take back everything I said.
I fucking love you.

Do you?

So much right now.

Much better than a bunch of gag gifts, eh?

Where did you even get some of this stuff?
I've never seen them before from these labels.

...

Did you special order them?

No. I, uh...
I called in some favors to have a few things custom made.

Some?

Eh. Who knows.
I have a bad memory so it's hard to say. It could very well be all of it.

That's it. I'm buying that fucking plane ticket.

Ruki!

You just literally filled my hotel room with expensive, name brand, FUCKING CUSTOM MADE gifts for my birthday.
I'm flying down there right now and I'm going to spend the ENTIRE night on your dick.

And you will.
In two days.

KYO!!

Yes, that is my name. Thank you for the reminder.

agent provo.jpg

Don't threaten me with your birthday presents.
I know exactly what's in all those boxes and I've had plenty of time to imagine you in each and every one.

I can't believe you're still refusing to let me fly down!
I just told you I want to fuck you wearing sexy lingerie and you say NO.
WORST BOYFRIEND EVER.

Be nice or I'll deny you sex until my birthday.

Oh. Is that how you want to play this?

...

All right, fine. You win.
We'll wait.

Two days?

No, no.
I think you had the right idea about waiting until your birthday.
After all, it would seem suspicious if I suddenly had a limp at the end of tour.
It's better that we wait until we both have the time off to... recover.

...

In the meantime, I'll be sure to try out and send you pictures of all these gifts you got for me.

God.
You're such a spoiled brat.

Does that mean I can confirm my new flight plans for this afternoon?

Nope.

KYO!!!!

Chapter Text

So just a quick question…

No.

I’m going to ignore that.
How exactly would you go about comforting someone who just ended their relationship?

Are you breaking up with me?

Did I ask that?
No!
I’m asking for a friend, Kyo!!

Oh, yeah.
That’s a big help.
Great advice Kyo. God, it’s like you’re a love guru or something!
Simply amazing.

That’s not how you ask for help you sarcastic little shit.

Why not?
You seem to respond to it a lot better than when I ask nicely.

Did you ask nicely?
I don’t recall that.

I’m being serious Kyo.

Fine.
What was the original question? Something about comforting someone…

Yeah.
How do you comfort someone who’s upset over a breakup?
That they caused.

They’re the one who broke things off?

Yes.

Then why the hell are they upset?
Shouldn’t they be happy about it?

I don’t know.
It seems like she didn’t really want the relationship to end.

Uh…
Then don’t break up with them?
I figured that would be obvious.

I don’t think it works like that Kyo.

Well, how am I supposed to know?
The last break up I had wasn’t exactly a break up. More like I found the lying bitch in bed with another man and tossed them both out on their asses.
We didn’t exactly talk it out and come to a mutual agreement that our relationship just wasn’t working.

True.
And considering who it’s about, it’s probably for the best that you’re not the one giving relationship advice.

What’s that supposed to mean?

You suck at being emphatic?

Are you asking me or telling me?

Both.
Because, honestly, I’m struggling here; I have no idea what to say to her and she seems really upset.
But since you’re going to be here soon, you’re my best bet for aid.

Just leave her to cry her eyes out.
If she really broke up with... whoever, then she has no one to blame but herself.
She should just suck it up and move on.

Kyo!
That’s heartless.

So.
She made her choice; she has to deal with it.
Besides, I’m about to be home in half an hour.
I don’t really want to talk about crying women when I have some free time.

Ugh.
You might want to rethink that.

What? Why?

Because the crying woman is at our house?

Why?
Who the fuck is at our house?
Is it that mousy little chick that what’s-his-face is dating?
Ha! I told you that relationship wasn’t going to last!

Kyo, please, at little sympathy here wouldn’t go amiss.
And it’s not Maya-chan, you ass! Stop calling her mousy!

Like I care.

You should!

Why?
It’s not like I know her.

Uh…
Well…

Ruki.

Yes?

Just tell me who it is Ruki.
I don’t have time for your word games.

Promise you won’t get mad.

Does that ever work with me?

Please try.
For me?

Jesus Christ, Ruki.
Just tell me already.

Okay, fine!!
So y’know how I was supposed to meet up with your sister for lunch today?

Yeah…

Well those plans got shot down real quick when Haruka-chan showed up nearly in tears.
Apparently she and Mao had been talking before we met up and your sister just suddenly broke off their relationship.

What?
Why?

Maybe because Mao is dating Mizuki now?

HE’S WHAT?!

Well, she didn’t exactly say that last part so I don’t know for certain if that’s true.
But it was definitely heavily implied. In between the tears and the mild rage fest, y’know.

Shocking, I know. I didn’t see this coming at all either.
Unless she mentioned something to you?

Really? She didn’t say anything to you either?
Dang. I thought those two were going to go all the way.
Full commitment, maybe even married one day, y’know?

Okay, first…
Why the hell did she tell you about their break up and not me?
Second, since when has Mao BEEN FUCKING CHEATING ON HER!!!

Wait! NO!
Not cheating!
THERE WAS NO CHEATING!!!

Did she actually say that?
Or was it just more “heavily implied”?!

Well, uh…
I kind of don’t want to tell you…

You don’t want to tell me?

Yeah?

Why the fuck don’t you want to tell me what she said?!
She’s been dating Mao for over two years and suddenly they’ve broken up and Mao is fucking that punk guitarist that’s always hanging around?
I need more of an explanation Ruki or I’m flying back to punch both of their heads in.
Tonight.

Okay. Calm the murderous rage.
That’s my shtick. You can’t steal it.

God, just fucking tell me already Ruki!

I’M MILDLY PANICKING ABOUT TELLING YOU YOUR SISTER WAS FUCKING BOTH MAO AND MITZUKI OKAY?!?!?!

Yeah.

Did she… Really never mention, like, any of this to you?

Okay. So surprise!
Your sister was essentially dating both Mao and Mitzuki and it wasn’t like a separate thing…

Apparently the three of them had been making it work for over a year but Mao and Mitzuki wanted to commit more but Haruka-chan wasn’t ready.

Please say something.
I honestly didn’t know she never spoke of this to you.
I was under the impression you guys shared everything.
And now she’s locked in our bathroom crying and I don’t know what to do.

You don’t know what to do?
I just found out my baby sister was in a polyamorous relationship?!
I’m practically freaking the fuck out here Ruki.

Oh, it’s not that big of a deal.

THE FUCK IT ISN’T!!

So she was seeing two guys.
Big deal.

At the same time. LITTERALLY.

That’s not the point here Kyo.
The point is she’s not in that relationship anymore and she could really use some advice right now.

And I’m supposed to know what to say?!
Jesus Christ.

Yes!
You’re her brother Kyo. You should know how to talk to her.

The fuck I do.
I’m completely lost on this one.
Where the fuck would I ever start?
“Hey Haru, sorry about you dumping your two fucktoys. Hopefully the sex was good while it lasted?”

Actually yeah, since apparently the sex wasn’t the problem.

Please don’t tell me anymore.
I don’t want to know.

Well, tough shit. If you want to come home at all tonight you need to be ready for when she comes out of the bathroom.
She can’t live in there forever Kyo.

Anyway, like I was saying.
The sex wasn’t the problem. She’s been drifting apart from Mao for awhile now and after Mizuki joined in she just felt more like a third wheel than an actual part of the relationship. Apparently that crazy chemistry between Mao and Mizuki wasn’t just fan service all this time.

Ruki.
Focus.

Right.
Anyway, Haruka-chan knew Mao would never leave her to be with Mizuki, because they were together first, so she decided break things off so that they could try and make a go of it.

Are you telling me she broke up with Mao so that he could pursue Mizuki?

Exactly!

And now she’s crying in our bathroom because of it?

Yep.
Also, just a heads up but I agreed to let her stay at our house until she finds her own space.
Because going back to Mao’s would just be awkward right now.

Gee really?
I wonder why…

Still, now that you’re pulling up I guess that means I can leave the crying woman to you.
Guess you were able to help me out after all.
Thanks Kyo!

I hate you.

Remember to be sympathetic Kyo.
She’s had a really tough time. Her heart’s in a tender place.

Stop.
Just stop.

I’ll be cheering you on from the other room.

Oh, no you don’t.
If she’s staying here then you’re helping.
You can’t abandon your future sister-in-law Ruki, that’d be cruel.

Ugh… Fuck.
We’re so bad at this. Lol
Kind of makes me glad we don’t have children.
Could you only image the horror of us trying to sooth a crying child?

 

-*-*-*-*-

 

“I think I could handle some tears over a scrapped knee a lot better than my sister crying over dumping two guys at once.” Kyo griped as he practically stomped his way into the house. Tossing his bag by the door before Kyo flung his shoes off his feet as he slammed the door close behind him.

“Welcome home,” Ruki hummed affectionately as he came over to give Kyo his customary kiss.

Griping onto Ruki’s slim waist, Kyo held him in place for a few more kisses. Half of them because he truly missed his lover but truly Kyo just need the extra moment to collect himself before he had to face… that. “Is she really in the bathroom?”

“Has been for nearly an hour now,” Ruki said, wrapping his arms around Kyo for a lingering embrace, placing little kisses along his neck and shoulder to try and help soothe the tense he could feel building up inside of Kyo.

“Fuck,” Kyo hissed. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. What do I even say?”

Pulling back, Ruki faced the older man with shrug of his shoulders. “I have no idea, but we’ll figure it out. C’mon. We should go check on her.” Grabbing Kyo’s hand, Ruki began tugging the reluctant man towards the occupied bathroom. Whatever happens, will happen.

Chapter Text

I need you to stop whatever you're doing and listen!
This is an emergency!
Code red!!!
CODE RED!!!

First off, who the hell is this and how did you get this number?

That’s not important right now~
We have a CODE RED!!

Okay, fine.
What the hell happened to Die?

Huh?

You said Code Red – meaning something happened to Die.
Is he passed out drunk in another club downtown?
Because if so; I’m not leaving to go pick his ass up again.
Fuck that.

Wait? You guys actually have a code red?
AND YOU USE IT?!

We have code names for all the band members in case of an emergency, yes.

Really?! That’s so cool!
Who’s idea was that? Probably Kaoru-san right? That sounds like something he'd think of.
Though why code names? Can’t you just use your stage names or even real names?

Kind of defeats the purpose of keeping things under the radar if we name specific people during serious events.

Ohhhhh!! That makes so much sense!
Is that why your stage passes have colors assigned to them?!
Does that make you code yellow?

Y'know, I’d love to sit here and answer all your invasive questions, but I could have sworn you said there was an emergency…

OH SHIT!!
CODE RED!!!!

Look...
I don't know who you are so obviously we mean different things here.
What the hell does Code Red mean!?

RUKI!!!!!!!

Code Red is Ruki?

YESSSSS!!!!

Ruki what?
Needs to talk to me? Needs my help? Needs me to kill someone?

Yes!!! All the above!!!
Wait! No!
Not the last one! That’s illegal!

...

Gah! I forgot what those little dots mean!!!!
Was that a yes? I can't tell!!

Seriously, who the fuck is this?
And why am I murdering someone – more specifically who am I murdering?
And what does this have to do with Ruki?
Is he hurt? Did someone do something to Ruki?

TT__TT We have more important things to worry about!!!

I don’t have anything more important than Ruki.
So explain. Now.

Awww, that’s so cute.
Ruki’s your everything. ^____^

I will murder you first if you don’t start explaining.

Jeez! Calm down!!
Actually, how about just not attacking me?!
I’ve done nothing wrong here. I’m the messenger!

Name. Now.

It’s Uruha!!!
There! You happy!!
Can we finally move on to what’s really going on?!

I’d love to.
IF I KNEW WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON.

Ruki!!!

Yes. We've established Ruki is involved somehow.

No! Ruki is the main concern and the only concern!
Code Red, dude!

Argh. I can feel a headache starting to develop already.

BUT WE NEED YOU!!!

Okay.
Let's try this again...
Uruha. Why are we calling code red?

Because something happened to Ruki!

Good.
Now, what happened to Ruki?
Exactly.

I DON’T KNOW!

Okay… Then.
What DO you know?

I don’t know.
Kai was telling us some of what's going on, but he wasn’t certain if all of it was true.
We’ve only heard rumors about what's going on. No, rumors isn't the right word. Suspicions?
Anyway! It was all hearsay until Sakai-san showed us that interview. That cleared up some of what we'd been hearing. Which was just MAD!

Uruha. Focus.
What is going on? What rumors and what interview are you talking about?
Details, you spastic duck!

RUDE!!!

Uruha.

Right.
So you know how Ruki was working on all that stuff with those cosmetics and things with organic dead white tree junk, right?!

Vital Material, yes, I’m aware of it.

Great!
Well, no! Not great!
Horrible in fact!

...

What is it with those dots?!
No, never mind.
Anyway, so those douche bags are fucking dirty, y’know!?

What?
Who’s dirty? Vital Material?

Yeah, but like, Ruki had NO idea whatsoever.
The launch wasn’t supposed to happen until later on this month but suddenly Ruki comes stomping into PSC today with this look like SOMEONE’S GONNA DIE.
It was super scary. He even completely ignored us AND missed his session in recording!

This still hasn’t really explained anything Uruha.

I’m getting there!!
So he’s been in, like, a fucking long ass meeting today with a lawyer and everything!!
I don’t know what happened but it was something about the makeup line because Ruki was SUPER upset and angry and kept cussing out that guy’s name.

What guy’s name?

The one he worked on the project with!! Who even the fuck cares!?
Yeah, he like totally just stole the credit for the entire thing!!!
He even put out some new products without PSC and Ruki’s knowledge!
We found out because he did some kind of interview or whatever with a local news station that aired this morning.
Sakai-san was able to catch it and record it all, but we don’t know the full story.

Where’s Ruki now?

He’s in the break room, I think. We weren’t allowed to approach him.
Management’s orders. Which is super dumb!! We just want to be there for him and help, but even Kai is talking about giving him his space but KYO you need to be here.
Ruki looks like he’s really, really, really upset.
I think he was even close to crying earlier. Though I think he still might kill someone.
Either way, you gotta get here to and help!

Tell him I’m on my way.
Apparently his phone is on busy and he’s not accepting phone calls or text right now.

Great!! I’ll let him know.
Uh. Somehow.
I’ll figure it out. Maybe slip him a note or something.

Yeah, you do that.
Also tell him I’m bringing the sledgehammer to bust this guy’s face in.

Uh. Maybe, eh. Maybe you should leave that at home?
Y’know, so security doesn’t arrest you or ban you from the building?

I’ll leave it in the car with the ropes, gasoline, and shovels.

Right. Uh.
Great.
You do that.
I’m just gonna... let Ruki know you’re on the way.
And then maybe leave before you actually get here. Just in case.

Chapter Text

Good evening, Ruki-kun!

Hi, Shinya-san.

I wonder if you might have a spare moment?

Uh, yeah.
Sure.
What'cha need?

Just wondering if you might know where Kyo-kun is today?
Kaoru-san suspects he’s with you and if so, he wanted me to pass on a message for him.

Nah, sorry Shinya-san.
We did talk briefly this morning before I left for the studio, but I haven’t actually seen Kyo since yesterday.

Oh.
Well, that's unfortunate.

Why?
Is something wrong?

Oh, no. Nothing like that.

Then what?
Kyo's missing?

I don't know for certain.
Kyo-kun hasn't shown up for practice nor is he answering his phone.
Kaoru-san wasn't worried at first since we assumed he was with you.

Why would you think he was with me?

Kyo-kun has skipped quite a number of sessions recently to spend time with you.
While it hasn’t really improved Kaoru-san mood, he understands how important you are to Kyo-kun.

He's skipped work recently? When?

I don't understand.

Well, I certainly haven't ditched any days recently and unless Kyo is sneaking into the sound booth while I work, I haven't seen him.

Oh, no.

What?

Nothing for you to worry about, Ruki-kun.
Kaoru-san just isn't too happy with this new information.

So Kyo's been skipping working and claiming me as the excuse?

Ah. It would appear that way, yes.

I don't see why Kaoru-san would be so mad; Kyo does this all the time.

This is true, but Kyo-kun usually provides a legitimate if meager excuse when he plans to skip work.
For him to be so careless right now is worrisome.
The last time Kyo-kun started doing this was when he was suffering from problems with his throat that required medical assistance but he hadn’t wanted to worry everyone.

Oh.

I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you for all this, Ruki-kun.
Please accept my humble apologies.

No, it’s fine. You aren’t bothering me.
Actually, do you want me to try and give Kyo a call?
I know you said he wasn’t answering, but maybe I can piss him off enough to answer one of my calls or texts.

That would be much appreciated.
Kyo-kun’s pretty much blocked all calls from our end.

I bet.

If you do get a hold of him, please warn Kyo-kun that he is two hours late and has missed his recording session for today.
Also that Kaoru-san if very disappointed.

Okay. I'll get right on that.

Thank you so much, Ruki-kun.

No problem, Shinya-san.

 

~*~*~*~ One Hour Later ~*~*~*~

 

Jesus Christ.
Will you stop blowing up my phone already?!

Oh, look.
He lives.
Shocking.

...

So Kyo... Skipping work again?

No.

One word dumbass: Shinya.

And?

He’s really worried about you.
To the point he’s convinced you might be dying right now but you’re being a stubborn ass who can’t communicate like a normal human being.

Maybe I am dying.
You should feel sympathetic for me.

Are you dying?
Is that why you’re hiding out and missing work?

It’s just a headache.

Another one?!
Jesus, Kyo. This is your third one this week and it’s only Thursday.
Are you sure you’re not dying?

It’s a headache.
Not a brain tumor.

Did you take some medicine at least?

...

Is that a no because I feel sick already or a no, it’ll make me sick if I do?

Have I ever mentioned how scary you are when you accurately guess things?

Once or twice, but that’s not the point.
Were you drinking again last night?

...

Really Kyo?

It was two beers.
I’ve definitely put down way more than that in a single night.
It wasn’t the beers.

I really, really think it is.
Every time you drink now you just end up sick.
Seriously Kyo, you need to see a doctor about this.

It’s fine.

Kyo!

It’s fine.
I can handle it.

Fine! But if you end up skipping work again because you’re suffering from your bad decisions, I’m not taking the blame for it.
Use someone else as your scapegoat if you want to get out of work.

Glad to know you care Ruki.

I care enough to call you out on your bullshit when you’re making yourself miserable.
That’s my job, Kyo.
You can’t take that from me.

And I’m just overjoyed you take your job so seriously.
So how pissed was Kaoru anyway?

I don’t know. Probably livid, but hey – it’s your funeral, not mine.
Besides, I only texted Shinya-san though he’s convinced you’re dying, again, so your odds probably aren’t good.

Please.
I stub my toe and Shinya thinks I could lose my foot. He’ll get over it.
I’m more worried about what Kaoru will do than Shinya.

Well what about me?!

What about you?

Did the ass load of texts I sent you happen to slip by your notice?!
Christ Kyo!! I was legitimately concerned that you were sick or hurt or something and hiding it from me—us—Everyone!
Whatever.
Point is; this apparently isn’t the first time you’ve done it and I was worried.

...

WELL?!

Uh...
Surprise.
I’m just fine.

Except you’re nauseous from a horrendous hangover and can’t make it out of bed due to your awful drinking habit I told you to quit already?

Except for that.

I hate you.
You’re an asshole.
I don’t even know why I like you anymore.

It’s the abs.

Is it?
Because last time I saw, you didn’t have any.

They’re a work in progress.
But they’re there.
Unlike some people I could mention.

Y’know, Rei has a visible six-pack?
And he can bench press 79kg easy.

...

What was your latest amount? Wasn’t it something like... 57? 60?

64.

Right. 64.
That’s amazing.
I mean, not as amazing as Rei – obviously – but you’ll get there one day!
And hey! Just wanted to let you know I’m SO proud of you for working on your physical health.
Even though you destroy all your hard work with alcohol and a crappy diet, but like you said, it’s a work in progress.

...

Also super proud you think your developing abs make up for your shitty personality and horrendous impulse control.

Okay.
I get it.
You’re mad.

Am I?
I hadn’t noticed.

I’m sorry.
There. Are you happy?

Never, but since it’s you I guess I’ll take it.
I was considering letting Kaoru-san your current hideout, but...

Now hang on a minute.
Let’s not be hasty about this.

Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t let Kaoru-san know exactly where you are right now?

Because if Kaoru knew where you lived he’d raid your place every time I went missing.

Alright, fine.
You make a good point.
But I’m not happy about harboring a wanted fugitive.

...

I guess if I really wanted to flush you out I could send Kai over to play nursemaid.

What have I done to deserve this cruel treatment?
I’m dying you heartless brat.

You snuck into my apartment to sleep in, hide out from your band, and probably eat all my food.
You deserve shit.

What if I told you I picked up some really nice bentos from that place in Shibuya to go along with this box set of American horror films I have?

Do I get to keep the DVDs after?

Yes.

Deal.
I’ll inform Shinya-san I have no idea where you are because you’re not answering your phone.

Good boy.

And then I’m sending Kai over to kick you out of my apartment so I can eat good food and watch horror movies without you hogging all the pillows.

...

I’m kidding.

About kicking me out or sending Kai to do it?

Wouldn’t you like to know.

Chapter Text

Babe, if you wanted to borrow my jacket you could have just said so.
No need to hide it from me and then lie about it.

What?
What are you talking about? What jacket?

The black puffer jacket.
The one you claim is a crime against humanity.
Or at least against you.

That’s because that jacket is a crime against humanity.
You look like a giant fucking black marshmallow.
Made completely out of plastic.
It’s horrible.
No. It’s disgusting.

So what about your horrid jacket?
Did you finally remember where you put it?
I’m hoping you’re texting me to tell me you’ve finally throw it away.
Or something horrible happened to it… like ‘oh, how sad, it got run over.’

Are you?!
Kyo! I’m so proud of you!

You’re a shit.

It’s possible you could be right.

So about my jacket…
Are you planning on giving it back?

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Babe.
I saw the pictures on Instagram.

Why are you creeping through my Instagram pictures?
Stalker.

I’m your husband.
I like looking at you.
It’s kind of the reason I married you.

Not the sex?

The sex is amazing Ruki, but it does help that I like looking at you.

Is that so?
Please tell me more.

That recent image you posted?

Yeah?

Koron looked absolute adorable.
Overload of cute - you, not so much, but Koron… just aww.
It’s like a choir of angels singing when he’s laying there being cute; the stars have aligned and all is right in the world.

You’re an ass.

And I also happened to notice what Koron was lying on.

A couch?

My jacket.

No, he's not.

Ruki. I can see it.
It's in the picture with Koron.
He's LAYING on it.

I don't believe you.

1737144_1459460947605094_408137659_n.jpg

Okay...
So maybe Koron's lying on A jacket.
But it's certainly not yours.

Yes, it is!

No, it's not.
Your jacket is long gone.
I burned it myself.

...

After I ran it over.

...

I am not evil, stop thinking that!
I’m a savior. Do you know how hard I work to keep people from losing their eyes at the sight of you some days?!
I’m tempted to just completely restrict all of your shopping privileges all together.
It would certainly save me from having to go through the closet every other month with a weed whacker.

I get it.
You hate my clothes.

Obviously not.
Or you wouldn’t still buy such horrendous things.

Maybe I do it just to annoy you?

Uh, duh. I’m not dumb Kyo.
I’ve realized years ago that you may be going blind but not that quickly.

Still… This does bring up a good point of argument.
STOP burning and ruining all my clothes, you damned gremlin!!

I will once I’ve gotten all the properly alarms and restrictions placed on your card whenever it comes anywhere near a clothing store.

Y’know some of the stuff I get is promotional, right?
I have to wear it. It’s part of the contracts and deals I signed.

And I’m also getting you a new booking manager.

Ruki.
Be serious.

I was.

Not that you can really complain.
What about your clothes?

What about them?

Uh, maybe the fact that a third of them look like they’re repurposed curtains from my dead great aunt from the 50’s?
Or how about the not one, not two, but EIGHT fucking glitter suits you have?
You literally have a goddamn rainbow of glitter and sequins outfits and you’re hating on my clothes?

You're just jealous because you can't wear one in public without looking like a copycat.

Yes, that's it exactly Ruki.
I'm deeply jealous of your flamboyant suits.
So to compensate I buy the all the clothes you would never wear in hopes of being allowed to wear maybe something fashionable.

That is not fashion.

Whatever. Crimes against humanity.
It’ll be my signature look.

You’ve already left enough of an impression on the world.
You don’t need to reach for something worse.

I don't care what you think of my clothes or shoes or jackets.
I just want them back Ruki.

Well...

I want whatever you haven't BURNED.

Uh.
About that...

...

I promised I replaced all of your ugly, hideous clothes with really nice items.
I even made sure they were only from your favorite brands.

...

Though after going through the closet, I have noticed something else quite worrying.

I can only imagine...
Was it my underwear this time?

Ironically, you're underwear seems to be the only thing that doesn't hurt my eyes.
Your sock drawer, however, is depressing.

Because they don't sparkle or come in rainbow colors?

Your socks only come in one color: white.
And you have a fuck ton of them.
All the same brand, all the same style, all the same color.
It's sad.

They're socks Ruki.
I don't buy socks to accessorize my outfit or match anything.
They're there for one job and one job only.

And that's why it's so depressing.

...

Though I guess I could give you a little credit for trying to be fashionable instead of wearing nothing but Adidas tracksuits all the time.

Tracksuits are fashionable.

Not when you wear them EVERY day and in only one color.
Then it's just annoying.
Also traumatizing for the whole crew when you only wear underwear half the time.

How is that traumatizing?
I'm still wearing pants.

Pants that show your dick.
No one, aside from me and some fans, want to see your dick just flopping around.
And that's not for their eyes anyway, so put it away!

...

Or I'll start burning those too.

Are you really destroying my clothes again?

Fine. I guess I’ll have to tell you eventually.
I’m not destroying them per se.

...

I've been donating and selling them on third-party websites.

Ruki!

What?
They all went to good, creepy, fan-obsessed homes.
And all the money earned went to charities, so no harm done!

I hate you.

It's for a good cause Kyo!
You old, shitty clothes are funding your new, awesome wardrobe!

I thought you said the money went to charity.

You are a charity case.

If I come home to find half my closet gone or destroyed, I'm throwing you out.
I don't care if it breaks my mom's heart.

Lol
You're a cruel man.

...

Fine.
Spoilsport. I didn't destroy or sell off any of your clothes.
I was very tempted though.

Yes, Ruki.
I'm STILL very much aware how much you hate my clothes.

You're still not getting the jacket back though.

What?
Why not?

Because Koron really likes it and I'm not about to take it from him.
So it's his now.

...

But you're welcome to try.

Knowing your satanic dog, he's probably already pissed in it.

Eww. That’s gross Kyo.
Besides, Koron hasn’t done that to you in years.

Then give me back the jacket.

I just told you it was Koron’s now.
You can’t have it.

Why the hell does he have it in the first place?

Probably because it smells like you and he misses you. So he took it.
Y’know, like a memento?

It’s for Koron. Honest.
Not me.

I guess that’s… fair.
I did steal your sweater to use as Mr. Squidge’s bedding this past tour.
And maybe a pair of your underwear.
But that wasn’t for Squidge.

Lol.
Pervert.

Would Koron consider a trade?
My jean jacket for the puffer coat?

No.
As soon as the scent is gone from this one, I’m totally destroying this one.
I don’t care how much you both love it.
It’s not surviving past this winter.

Sorry, not sorry.

What if I give back all your stolen clothes?

I have no doubt you’ve been using them in perverted ways, so no.
I don’t want those back.

I don’t use them to masturbate with.

Oh really?

Yeah.
I plant them around my hotel room and the venues with empty lube packets and used condoms to freak people out.

Jesus.
Why am I not surprised?

If you didn’t guard your underwear so much I would solely use those.
However, given the fact that I can sneak off with a pair of your skinny jeans more often than a thong, I have to use extra props to set the scene.

How has Kaoru-san not murdered you yet?
Or anyone else for that matter?

I think he’s setting people up too.
Purposely leading others towards one of my traps just to see them blush and freak out.
Shinya alone has found and gotten rid of at least ten of them and at least one of those was set up specifically for Kaoru.

You guys are so fucking weird.
And stop using my clothes to scare your friends and crew members!
That’s disgusting.

It’s fun.

Wait.
You said Shinya got rid of them…
Are you letting people throw away my clothes? That YOU stole?!

No…

Kyo!

Uh…
Oops?

KYO!!

If I replace everything can I have my jacket back?

NOOO!!!

Damn.