“Okay, first question,” Amy says, regarding the man sitting beside her, handcuffed to her desk. His shirt is low-cut, and as he leans forward, it reveals a tattoo across his chest. It seems to spell something, but Amy can’t quite make it out. “Name?”
“You know, you’re really cute.”
“Name,” Amy repeats. She is not in the mood to be hit on by a felon. Even if he is a little bit cute himself. He reminds her a bit of Jake, but with shorter hair, and a lot of tattoos. She can make out a microphone on one arm, and a soundwave on the inside of the other, but that’s about it. He must like music then.
“Seriously, I didn’t think pant-suits could be sexy, but I’m digging this.”
“Name,” Amy repeats forcefully, hoping that he’ll just stop if she refuses to acknowledge him.
“Alright,” he says with a smirk. That’s another thing that separates him from Jake, despite an oddly similar face. Whereas Jake is all big goofy grins and excited smiles, this guy is all cocky grins and self-satisfied smirks.
“I do have to say, I’m a little hurt that you didn’t recognize me,” he tells her in a low voice. “Name’s Conner4Real.”
Amy tries not to roll her eyes. Why can’t he take this seriously? “No, really,” she says.
“That’s my name.” He pulls down the neckline of his shirt, revealing the tattoo on his chest in more detail. “See?”
“Okay, that’s great,” Amy says, trying not to look at his chest for too long. “But what’s your real name?”
“My real name?”
“You can’t expect me to believe that Conner4Real is your actual name,” she tells him.
“Why not? It has the words ‘for real’ in it.”
Amy sighs. “Seriously. You know, this could go a lot faster if you just cooperated.” Amy looks down at the form in her hand. The only thing she has written down is the reason for arrest—public intoxication. She arrested him after he came up to her to try and hit on her and she quickly learned that he was very drunk. It seems that not even being arrested has deterred him from his original goal of flirting.
“What have you written about me?” the guy asks, leaning forward. He smells strongly of alcohol, and Amy holds her clipboard closer to her body as she tries to compose herself.
“May we please focus on what matters?” She looks into his face, so similar to Jake’s, and tries again. “Birth name?”
“Fine, Conner Friel.”
Amy lets out an exasperated sigh. “Seriously, I’m going to need you to—wait. Did you say ‘Friel’? Not ‘for real’?”
“Yes. Conner Friel. F-r-i-e-l.”
“Oh,” Amy smiles in victory as she quickly writes that information down. “Great, thank you.” She pauses for a moment, and looks at his name. “Seriously? That’s where you got Conner4Real from?”
Conner smirks a bit. “And the fact that I keep it for real.”
Amy isn’t even sure what to say to that, so she decides to just move onto the next question. “Alright, so—”
“Ames! Ames! Oh my God!” Jake bursts into the bullpen, frantic and panting. “Amy oh my God!” He stops at his desk, standing across from her.
“Yes?” she says, regarding him as he leans over the desk, trying to catch his breath.
“Conner… 4… Real…” he gasps out. “Conner… here…”
“What, this guy?” Amy points her pen at Conner. Jake glances at him in shock, then comes around for a better look.
“Oh my God! It is! Conner4Real!”
“Yo,” Conner says, nodding at Jake. Jake looks like he might pass out, and Amy wonders if it’s just from the running, or partly from Conner’s acknowledgement.
“You know him?” Amy asks.
“Of course! It’s Conner4Real! Come on, Ames.”
“You know, saying his ridiculous name over and over is not going to help.”
“Ridiculous?” Conner and Jake echo in unison, looking almost eerily similar.
“How dare you, Amy Santiago? This man is a legend!”
“Yeah!” Conner adds.
“Okay, who is he?”
.Jake looks shocked. “I can’t believe this! Conner-For-Real! Famous rapper? Used to be a Style Boy? Is none of this ringing any bells?”
“The Style Boyz aren’t even ringing a bell? Amy, I know you’re basically an old lady, but come on. They were icons! They were basically all I listened to back when I was in the Academy.”
“It’s true,” Rosa interjects, suddenly passing by. “He was obsessed.”
“I was not obsessed,” Jake calls back in her direction. He turns back to Amy. “I liked them a normal amount. And besides, she liked them too. She definitely had a thing for Lawrence.”
Conner crinkles his nose in disgust. “Lawrence? Really?”
Jake shrugs. “I think she related to the moodiness.”
Amy has no idea who Lawrence is, and decides it best not to ask. “I’m sorry Jake, you know we don’t always listen to the same music.”
“But they were iconic! They were one of the biggest boy bands of all time! Everyone listened to them.”
“It’s true,” Conner says. “We were very cool. Some of us more than others,” Conner adds pointedly.
“Come on, Kid Brain, Kid Contact, Kid Conner?” Jake gestures to Conner.
“Karate Guy, Me Likey Dat, the Donkey Roll, nothing?”
Amy can’t see why any of this matters, but she sighs and nods. “The Donkey Roll sounds familiar. Was that that really weird dance craze?”
“Yes!” Jake suddenly brightens in excitement. “Exactly! Thank you!”
“So basically this guys’s famous for creating a dance—“
“Well, for much more than just the Donkey Roll, Ames.”
“This guy’s famous,” Amy repeats. “And now I’ve arrested him. Moving on,” she turns back to Conner. “Date of birth?”
“Wait, you did what?”
“I arrested him,” Amy replies simply. Jake looks at her in disbelief. “He was drunk in public, what did you want me to do?”
Jake’s shoulders slump forward sadly. “Oh.”
Jake looks at Conner. “I just thought this was a case. Will we ever have a cool celebrity case?”
“Probably not,” Amy replies. She looks down at her form. “Can I finish this now?”
“Fine. Have fun with your boring arrest forms.” Jake turns to walk away, then turns back around and grabs a pen and paper from Amy’s desk. “First, could I have your autograph?”
“Jake, you can’t be serious.”
“What?” Amy just stares at him. “I get it, you arrested him, I can still get his autograph! Besides, you arrested him for public intoxication. That’s like hardly a terrible crime.”
Amy doesn’t respond to that. She watches as Jake gets Conner’s autograph, then turns back to Conner.
“So, date of birth…”
Jake is still buzzing with excitement from meeting Conner4Real when he arrives on the bottom floor of the precinct. He’s about to go grab lunch—he’s thinking maybe a hot dog from his favourite stand—when he almost runs into someone walking into the building. Taking a step back, he recognizes the boy he ran into.
“Oh my God!” he exclaims. “You’re Owen Bouchard!”
“Uh, yeah, I am. Hi,” he says, fixing his glasses.
“So you must be here to bail Conner out.”
Owen looks relieved. “Yes, I am. I’ve been looking all over for him. We were just hanging out, and drinking, and I left him alone for five minutes, and he was gone.” Owen sighs. “Thankfully, it wasn’t very long before he tweeted about getting arrested, and I followed the location tag here.”
“He tweeted about us?” Jake takes out his phone and quickly pulls up twitter. Conner’s latest tweet reads “just got arrested by a sexy cop! should I ask her out? #sexycop #2hot2belegal #shearrestedmyheart.”
“Oh my God,” Jake says, looking back at Owen. “Dude, that’s my girlfriend! He tweeted about my girlfriend! Wait, should I be this happy about that?” He thinks for a moment. “Eh, doesn’t matter, she loves me, this is still super cool.”
Owen looks at him quizzically.
“Right, I should be upset. How dare Conner hit on my girlfriend! Honestly, though,” Jake adds in a low voice. “Conner is like the coolest, and this is the best day of my life. And, he doesn’t even have a restraining order against me.”
Owen looks concerned. “Should he?”
Jake shrugs. “Taylor Swift does, but that was just a misunderstanding, we cool.”
“Okay…” Owen takes a small step back. “So, um…” He looks at the badge around Jake’s neck. “Officer Peralta, can you help me figure out where I need to go to bail him out?”
“Oh, it’s Detective, actually. But you can just call me Jake.”
“Okay, nice to meet you, Jake.” Owen holds out a hand, but Jake pulls him into a hug.
“And it’s amazing to meet you too, Owen!” Jake steps back and smiles at him. “I can take you up to see Conner if you want.”
“Don’t I have to do some paperwork or pay—?” Owen doesn’t finish his sentence as Jake grabs his hand and pulls him towards the elevator. Even though she’ll have no idea who he is, Jake is still really excited to introduce Owen to Amy. And with him and Conner in the same place, who knows what could happen. The only one they’re missing is Lawrence. Jake fights the urge to ask about him as the elevator slowly moves upwards. Things ended pretty badly with the Style Boyz, and then after a failed solo career, Lawrence completely disappeared. He doubts that Lawrence even still talks to them.
The elevator arrives upstairs and Jake pulls Owen along with him towards Amy’s desk, trying—and failing—keep his composure this time.
“Ames, Ames!” he calls out to her. She was in the middle of saying something to Conner, and turns to look at Jake with a frown on her face. Conner also turns, and he smiles when he notices Owen.
“Owen! Dude, you came for me! That is so sweet, man.”
Owen is about to reply when Amy cuts in. “What is it now, Jake?”
“I know you don’t know who this is either, but it’s super exciting!”
Amy rolls her eyes, but then she smiles a bit, and Jake knows that she’s more endeared than upset. “Okay, who is it?”
“Owen Bouchard!” Amy just looks at him blankly. “He’s another Style Boy! Kid Contact!”
“Hi,” Owen says, lifting a hand in greeting. “Owen.”
“Amy,” she replies, holding out a hand, which Owen shakes.
“My hero, come to save me,” Conner says, smiling at Owen and holding out his hand.
Owen takes his hand. “And it wasn’t easy,” he points out. He sighs. “Conner, can we please try to not wander off anymore while on tour? At least in one city?”
“I make no promises. Besides, if I hadn’t been arrested, I’d have never met the love of my life, Ames.” He winks at Amy.
“And that’s Detective Santiago to you,” Amy corrects.
“’Detective,’” Conner repeats, smirking at her. “I like that, it’s hot. I’d say we could do some role-playing, but…” Conner holds up his handcuffed hand. “We’re kind of already there.” He winks, and Amy sighs.
“Oh God,” Owen mutters.
“Dude, are you hitting on my girlfriend in front of me?” Jake asks in shock. He looks at Owen, then back at Conner. “I don’t actually know how to feel about that.” Amy sighs again.
“Oh, man, she’s your girlfriend? Dude, my bad, I didn’t know! But you did a great job. She’s like super hot.”
“Thanks?” Jake replies, still unsure of how to react.
Conner smiles at Jake, then leans into Amy and whispers. “If you guys ever break up, though. Call me.” He seems to think for a minute. “Or even if you guys need a third. It aint gay in a threeway,” he adds with a smirk and a wink.
“And I can see why you arrested him,” Owen tells Amy. Amy smiles at him and Conner looks a little offended. “Although, technically, it was just for being drunk, right? He didn’t do anything else?”
“Other than telling me about twenty times that I make pantsuits sexy? No.”
“Well, Ames, you really do,” Jake points out. She’s wearing the grey one with a pink blouse underneath, and she’s got her hair down, falling loose around her shoulders in soft waves. Even in the awful flourescent lighting, Amy’s glowing, and she looks like a goddess. Admittedly, the Goddess of Pantsuits, but still a goddess. Jake might be a little bias, but it’s obvious why Conner’s so attracted to her.
Amy tries to hide a smile, and turns to Owen. “So you’re here to bail him out?”
Owen nods, then reaches up to push his curls out of his eyes. “Yeah, that responsibilty typically falls to me.” He smiles at her.
“Well, you filled out all the correct paperwork?”
Owen looks at Jake. “I did not. I didn’t really get a chance to before I was brought up here.”
Amy gives Jake a slightly exasperated look.
“What? I was excited! It’s Owen Bouchard! We just need Lawrence and we would have the entire Style Boyz!”
“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Conner mutters.
“You never know,” Owen adds, speaking so softly that Jake thinks he’s probably the only one who can hear him. He’s rubbing at his arm, at one of his tattoos, but Jake can’t see what it is.
“Well,” Amy says, looking between the three of them. “Whatever that’s about…” She stands up and steps towards Owen. “I’ll show you downstairs to get everything in order?”
Owen smiles and nods. “Thank you.”
“Jake, keep an eye on Conner?”
“Of course. Oh! Wait! Before Owen goes!” He takes the piece of paper that Conner signed off of his desk and holds it out to Owen. “Can I get your autograph?”
“What? I’m excited.”
Owen just laughs and takes the paper from him, quickly scribbling out his name—as well as “Kid Contact”, and a smiley face—next to Conner’s. “There you go,” he says, handing it back with a smile. He turns back to Amy. “Alright, let’s get this sorted out.”
About two months later, Amy’s in the middle of talking to Rosa about a case when Jake bursts into the precinct.
“Ames! Ames! Oh my God, Ames!”
“You know, this feels oddly familiar,” Amy tells him.
“You have to hear this!” Jake says, stopping at her desk and trying to catch his breath. Rosa looks at him judgementally.
“Dude, you took the elevator, how are you out of breath?”
Jake ignores her. “Conner—Conner—he put out a new song…” he takes a deep breath and doubles over. “It’s—it’s about you, Amy!”
“I’m actually… quite… jealous. Although, I mean… it references me too… so that’s kinda cool. It’s called Arrested My Heart… AKA… Sexy Cop.”
Rosa snorts. “Conner wrote a song about you?”
“And she didn’t even know who he was!” Jake pants.
Amy sighs. “Am I even going to want to hear this song? If it’s just more ‘pantsuits make you look sexy’, then we’ve already covered that.”
“Did I just hear you say that pantsuits make you look sexy?” Gina asks, walking over from her desk. “Because, ew.”
“I’m not the one who thinks it, it’s that weird rapper, Conner Friel. Although wait, my pantsuits aren’t that bad.”
“Yes Amy, they are,” Gina says with a look of pity on her face. “And wait, do you mean Conner4Real? Why would he write a song about you?”
“He was very taken with me,” Amy tells her defensively. “He enjoyed the pantsuit.”
“Uch. I can’t believe I missed him and he ended up falling in love with you instead of me. We could’ve been a celebrity power couple. Like Kim and Kanye.”
“You’re not famous,” Rosa points out.
“Not yet, Rosa, not yet.”
“Anyway, Ames, you should listen to the song. It’s an amazing honor.”
“I feel like I already got the gist of it while he was here, thanks.”
“Aww, come on!” Jake takes out his phone and pulls up Youtube. “Here, listen.”
Amy sighs and sinks down into her chair. Jake sits beside her desk and puts the phone between them. When the song finishes, Jake looks at her in anticipation.
“It was awful,” Amy tells him.
“Yeah, dude, that was pretty bad,” Rosa adds, but she’s smiling. Beside her, Gina looks horrified.
“I’m going to have to wash my ears out with soap. The amounts of times he called pantsuits sexy,” she shudders, “horrifying.” With that, Gina walks away, heading towards the washroom. After a moment, Rosa follows her.
“Well, I liked it,” Jake says. “Oh, she arrested my heart,” he sings, standing up and dancing.
“No!” Amy says, putting her face in her hands.
“I’m gonna set that as my ringtone for when you call,” Jake says, grabbing his phone.
“No!” Amy looks up and reaches for Jake’s phone, but he steps out of reach.
“Here,” he says taking Amy’s phone off of her desk. He types something, and his own phone starts ringing, playing Arrested My Heart.
Jake starts dancing again.
“Why me?” Amy asks.
“Oh come on,” Jake says, sitting down beside her as the song ends and the call goes to voicemail. “I think it’s sweet. I mean, as long as you’re not gonna leave me for Conner.”
Amy laughs. “Yeah, not going to happen.”
“Well then we’re fine. I’ll admit, it’s not the best song. But it is pretty accurate.”
Amy looks at him questioningly.
“You do make pantsuits look sexy, and you are absolutely incredible, and I do want to date you.”
“Aww…” Amy leans forward and kisses him. “I mean, I still absolutely hate the song, but that’s sweet.”
“Well, I still absolutely love the song and we are playing it everytime you walk into a room for the rest of your life, and thank you.” He kisses her back.
“Okay, we are not doing that.”
“But we are,” Jake tells her with a smile. Amy opens her mouth to counter, but he kisses her again.
“I love you, my sexy cop.”