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Curtains Are Monogamous

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We are in love!! I knew it. The bookcase said I was being stupid, but I didn't listen to him. That bookcase thinks he knows everything. 

But we are in love. She said so! It makes me want to do a little happy face, like this -- :)

I can't though, because I'm a curtain. :(

Back later!!


So, I told her about feeling like a happy face but not being able to do one because of being a curtain. And guess what she said? She said it's not what shows on the outside, but how you feel on the inside, and on the inside she felt like a happy face too. How cute is that? See, that's why I love her.

Only then the bookcase said, "What inside? You're a curtain. How much inside do you get under that lining, anyway?" And then he laughed. That bookcase is so mean!


I forgot something! When we were talking about happy faces and stuff, the lamp said: "Remember when Andrew had that girl sleeping here that night, and she was a bit of a freak, and kept making him get up and rearrange you, because she said she could see scary faces in your folds?"

And I was like, I totally forgot about that! That was so weird! And I said to her, well, if we can make scary faces by accident, maybe we can do happy faces on purpose? So we're going to try tonight when we get drawn.


We had a go at doing the happy faces last night. I said to her, can you see the happy face? And she was, like, "Yeah, kind of. A bit. Can you see mine?" And I thought maybe I could make it out, if I hung a bit to the left and ignored that fold that made the mouth go all wonky. Sort of.

And of course, the bookcase was all like, "Oh, well, I don't know why you insist on anthropomorphising yourselves. Have you no pride in yourselves as objects?"

And we said, "What's anthropomorphising?" But he just sneered and said, "Look it up!" Well, how are we supposed to do that? Some of us don't have shelves with dictionaries on!

I really hate that bookcase sometimes.


So, we were thinking this morning, it was quite nice when Andrew had that girl over, even if she was a bit weird. I dunno, it was just interesting to see a different face. Not that we don't like Andrew's face, it's a nice face! Okay, it's a bit pale. And he frowns a lot. But we still like it.

Andrew hasn't let anyone in his room for ages. He just comes in here and lies down and goes to sleep, or sits and looks out of the window, sighing. It gets kind of boring. We quite like it when he wakes up and swears a lot, but that's pretty much the most interesting thing he does.

But all sorts of interesting things happened the night the girl was here. Andrew even smiled once or twice! (The bookcase says not, but I think he did).


It's so nice when Andrew comes in and draws us, so me and her are both snuggled up together. In the winter, we get drawn earlier, which is why I like winter. We all had a big conversation about seasons the other night, and which ones we like best. The lamp agreed with us, because she gets switched on earlier in the winter, and she likes that. The watch just looked at us and said, "You have no idea. None of you. No idea at all." He sat and ticked at us and refused to say anything else.

We asked the bookcase what was his favourite season, but he said he didn't care.

The watch is only here nights, so we don't know him that well. The rest of the time he's with Andrew, out and about. The watch loves Andrew, you can tell. I think he gets sad when Andrew takes him off, and that makes him seem stuck-up and grumpy. The lamp says, well, the bookcase might be annoying, but at least he talks to us. It's funny, you'd have thought the bookcase and the watch might get on all right, but they don't. The bookcase hates the watch! We think he's jealous. My other half said to the bookcase, she said, "You don't expect Andrew to strap you onto his arm do you, and go and walk about with you outside?" We all laughed, because it was such a funny thought! Oh, except the bookcase didn't laugh.

I really love her...


As good as night-times are, sometimes I think I like daytimes almost as much, because I get to hang around here on my side, all thin and bunched up, and I watch her, and imagine sliding over to her, stretching out across the rail. I watch her from my side, and she watches me from hers, and it makes me feel all happy and quiet.

I don't know what I'd do without her. I don't like thinking about that. Once, when he was in a bad mood because his books were all dusty and squashed in anyhow, the bookcase told us a horrible story about how he used to live in someone else's flat, and they had a really small window, and there was only room enough for one curtain. I mean, I know you get that sometimes. But instead of putting up, say, a blind or something, the person who lived in that flat had taken a pair of curtains, and... only hung up one of them. I don't know what happened to the other one. I'm not sure I want to know.

After Andrew had a tidy up, the bookcase apologised for telling us that story. Me and the other half were both really upset.

I don't know what I'd do if someone took her away from me.


Loads of exciting stuff happened! We had someone else in here who wasn't Andrew!

It happened after Andrew came home from work. We could hear him talking when he came in the front door. Sometimes he does that, but it's not because there's someone else here, it's because he's on the phone. We all like it when Andrew's on the phone, because we get to hear about his life. But this was even better! This was like a bit of his life coming into the flat!

We couldn't really hear what they were saying, but we heard Andrew go into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Then we heard a voice that wasn't Andrew's calling out, "So, is it okay if I borrow that book?"

And Andrew called back, "Yeah, sure. I think it's in the bookcase in the bedroom. Hang on a sec."

The other voice said, "In here?" And then... he came in!!!

It was a boy this time, not a girl. He was kind of small and thin and a bit nervous-looking. He wore glasses that made his eyes seem bigger than they probably were. The bookcase was trying to act like he didn't care, but I could tell he was dying of excitement. His shelves were virtually creaking.

The boy came forward and started running his fingers over the spines of the books. I know it's bad of me, but I whispered to her, "Oh no. We're never going to hear the end of this!" After that we were just trying not to laugh, it was awful.

Then the boy said, "I can't find it, Andy."

And Andrew called back, "What?"

And the boy said, "I can't find it!"

And Andrew said, "What?"

And the boy said, "I c-- never mind."

And then he went out.

He didn't come back in, and after a while we heard the telly come on, and then a bit later they both went out and closed the front door behind them.

It was so exciting!!!


Me and her were having a quiet conversation last night after Andrew was asleep, and I said I wished the boy could have come back, and she said yes, and we agreed that we both liked the boy. We asked the lamp and the lamp said yes, she liked the boy too.

The bookcase pretended to yawn and said, "Oh, give it a rest, can't you?"

I said I thought it might have been nice if Andrew had brought the boy back to sleep in here, and they could have done interesting things like before, and Andrew might have smiled again. But the bookcase said, "I hardly think that's likely. Seeing as the boy was a boy!" Then he laughed.

I said I didn't see what difference that made, and my other half agreed, she said she didn't see what difference it made either. Curtains don't care whether people are girls or boys or anything, although we are mainly interested in other curtains.

"He's called David," said the watch suddenly. We'd all forgotten he was there!

So of course, we all asked the watch loads of questions about David, but he wouldn't say anything else. The bookcase was annoyed because no one was listening to him any more.

Eventually everybody went quiet. The lamp fell asleep. I hung still in the darkness, next to my other half, enjoying the feel of her soft folds next to mine. "Sometimes I feel really lucky," I whispered. "Me too," she said. 

"If I wasn't a curtain," I said, "I'd be smiling all the time."

"Oh, for God's sake," muttered the bookcase. "If I wasn't a bookcase I'd be vomiting all the bloody time."

Sometimes, I think it would be nice if Andrew moved the bookcase into the living room.